The Anthony Rizzo DongFest Thread

[Gilgamesh]

The important thing is that we can spend the rest of the season overanalyzing every little thing he does.

Well, aren't you put out?  Geez.  Isn't that what this place is for?  Just trying to engage in some discourse, no matter how inane.  Or do you prefer this place zip along at 5 posts a day, mostly about the individuals who are posting?

Fine, let's make up our own messageboard award and print up a nice certificate and present it to him.

I'm just saying, this whole thing seems to delving into "let's analyze Jay Cutler's body language on the sidelines" levels of madness already, and he's only played 6 games.

And DA CUBS R 5 AND 1 IN DOSE GAIMS, MY FRENT!!!

Reminds me of that movie where this rookie joins a team and has this special bat that he carved from a tree that was struck by lightening but before that happened he got this girl pregnant except he didn't know it and anyway it is different because this rookie was now an old man but they really are the same because once this rookie starts to play the whole team gets inspired but it is a little different because they didn't let the rookie play right away because the manager was a part owner and he thought that the old rookie was a set up by his evil partner to make the team lose.  See, this is almost like the movie.

...Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire.

[Chuck to Chuck]

The important thing is that we can spend the rest of the season overanalyzing every little thing he does.

Well, aren't you put out?  Geez.  Isn't that what this place is for?  Just trying to engage in some discourse, no matter how inane.  Or do you prefer this place zip along at 5 posts a day, mostly about the individuals who are posting?

Fine, let's make up our own messageboard award and print up a nice certificate and present it to him.

I'm just saying, this whole thing seems to delving into "let's analyze Jay Cutler's body language on the sidelines" levels of madness already, and he's only played 6 games.

And DA CUBS R 5 AND 1 IN DOSE GAIMS, MY FRENT!!!

Reminds me of that movie where this rookie joins a team and has this special bat that he carved from a tree that was struck by lightening but before that happened he got this girl pregnant except he didn't know it and anyway it is different because this rookie was now an old man but they really are the same because once this rookie starts to play the whole team gets inspired but it is a little different because they didn't let the rookie play right away because the manager was a part owner and he thought that the old rookie was a set up by his evil partner to make the team lose.  See, this is almost like the movie.

You know what would be an awesome scene in that movie? If the guy were to a long homer at Wrigley.

[Gilgamesh]

The important thing is that we can spend the rest of the season overanalyzing every little thing he does.

Well, aren't you put out?  Geez.  Isn't that what this place is for?  Just trying to engage in some discourse, no matter how inane.  Or do you prefer this place zip along at 5 posts a day, mostly about the individuals who are posting?

Fine, let's make up our own messageboard award and print up a nice certificate and present it to him.

I'm just saying, this whole thing seems to delving into "let's analyze Jay Cutler's body language on the sidelines" levels of madness already, and he's only played 6 games.

And DA CUBS R 5 AND 1 IN DOSE GAIMS, MY FRENT!!!

Reminds me of that movie where this rookie joins a team and has this special bat that he carved from a tree that was struck by lightening but before that happened he got this girl pregnant except he didn't know it and anyway it is different because this rookie was now an old man but they really are the same because once this rookie starts to play the whole team gets inspired but it is a little different because they didn't let the rookie play right away because the manager was a part owner and he thought that the old rookie was a set up by his evil partner to make the team lose.  See, this is almost like the movie.

You know what would be an awesome scene in that movie? If the guy were to a long homer at Wrigley.

The whole were to?

[J. Walter Weatherman]

The important thing is that we can spend the rest of the season overanalyzing every little thing he does.

Well, aren't you put out?  Geez.  Isn't that what this place is for?  Just trying to engage in some discourse, no matter how inane.  Or do you prefer this place zip along at 5 posts a day, mostly about the individuals who are posting?

Fine, let's make up our own messageboard award and print up a nice certificate and present it to him.

I'm just saying, this whole thing seems to delving into "let's analyze Jay Cutler's body language on the sidelines" levels of madness already, and he's only played 6 games.

But if we don't write a bunch of stupid shit, how will we ever have anything to write at all?

[Slaky]

Not sure but back on topic for a sec--until now I hadn't actually seen Rizzo's first HR on Saturday.  Kind of sweet that it followed a two-out, opposite field single by Starlin, and way awesome that he nearly hit out on to Sheffield-- a more difficult task than reaching the streets in left-- but I confess to being slightly uncomfortable with his pose/strut.  I mean, I don't mind rooting for a douche if it means a championship, but given a choice, I'd likelike for my guys not to be douches.  Tell me what a prick I'm being.

What in the fucking fuck?

Let's go back to this. Jesus.

[Eli]

Not sure but back on topic for a sec--until now I hadn't actually seen Rizzo's first HR on Saturday.  Kind of sweet that it followed a two-out, opposite field single by Starlin, and way awesome that he nearly hit out on to Sheffield-- a more difficult task than reaching the streets in left-- but I confess to being slightly uncomfortable with his pose/strut.  I mean, I don't mind rooting for a douche if it means a championship, but given a choice, I'd likelike for my guys not to be douches.  Tell me what a prick I'm being.

What in the fucking fuck?

Let's go back to this. Jesus.

I didn't even think the posing was that bad. It was an inside pitch, so he had to turn on it and loft the ball, which sent all of his weight backwards anyway. And he crushed that ball, so why not* admire it for .87 seconds?

* Besides risking the wrath of Huey, who's NOT a meatball.

[Canadouche]

Not sure but back on topic for a sec--until now I hadn't actually seen Rizzo's first HR on Saturday.  Kind of sweet that it followed a two-out, opposite field single by Starlin, and way awesome that he nearly hit out on to Sheffield-- a more difficult task than reaching the streets in left-- but I confess to being slightly uncomfortable with his pose/strut.  I mean, I don't mind rooting for a douche if it means a championship, but given a choice, I'd likelike for my guys not to be douches.  Tell me what a prick I'm being.

What in the fucking fuck?

Let's go back to this. Jesus.

This Bozzo guy needs to straighten up.

[Slaky]

Not sure but back on topic for a sec--until now I hadn't actually seen Rizzo's first HR on Saturday.  Kind of sweet that it followed a two-out, opposite field single by Starlin, and way awesome that he nearly hit out on to Sheffield-- a more difficult task than reaching the streets in left-- but I confess to being slightly uncomfortable with his pose/strut.  I mean, I don't mind rooting for a douche if it means a championship, but given a choice, I'd likelike for my guys not to be douches.  Tell me what a prick I'm being.

What in the fucking fuck?

Let's go back to this. Jesus.

I didn't even think the posing was that bad. It was an inside pitch, so he had to turn on it and loft the ball, which sent all of his weight backwards anyway. And he crushed that ball, so why not* admire it for .87 seconds?

* Besides risking the wrath of Huey, who's NOT a meatball.

I meant let's mock Huey for thinking that a guy who might be a fixture for years posed a little on a home run even though he barely did and even if he did who gives a goddamn shit.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

Not sure but back on topic for a sec--until now I hadn't actually seen Rizzo's first HR on Saturday.  Kind of sweet that it followed a two-out, opposite field single by Starlin, and way awesome that he nearly hit out on to Sheffield-- a more difficult task than reaching the streets in left-- but I confess to being slightly uncomfortable with his pose/strut.  I mean, I don't mind rooting for a douche if it means a championship, but given a choice, I'd likelike for my guys not to be douches.  Tell me what a prick I'm being.

What in the fucking fuck?

Let's go back to this. Jesus.

I didn't even think the posing was that bad. It was an inside pitch, so he had to turn on it and loft the ball, which sent all of his weight backwards anyway. And he crushed that ball, so why not* admire it for .87 seconds?

* Besides risking the wrath of Huey, who's NOT a meatball.

That certainly bears repeating.

[R-V]

Not sure but back on topic for a sec--until now I hadn't actually seen Rizzo's first HR on Saturday.  Kind of sweet that it followed a two-out, opposite field single by Starlin, and way awesome that he nearly hit out on to Sheffield-- a more difficult task than reaching the streets in left-- but I confess to being slightly uncomfortable with his pose/strut.  I mean, I don't mind rooting for a douche if it means a championship, but given a choice, I'd likelike for my guys not to be douches.  Tell me what a prick I'm being.

What in the fucking fuck?

Let's go back to this. Jesus.

I didn't even think the posing was that bad. It was an inside pitch, so he had to turn on it and loft the ball, which sent all of his weight backwards anyway. And he crushed that ball, so why not* admire it for .87 seconds?

* Besides risking the wrath of Huey, who's NOT a meatball.

That certainly bears repeating.

He's definitely not a meatball.

Meatballs get mad when dem Dominicans or Venezuelans pose after a home run or do somersaults after a save or don't speak English in de postgame. Meatballs also don't care when white guys do stuff like dat cuz dere just lettin off some steam.

Huey's outlook is just the opposite. I for one salute his anti-meatballism.

[PANK!]

RV GETS IT.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

Not sure but back on topic for a sec--until now I hadn't actually seen Rizzo's first HR on Saturday.  Kind of sweet that it followed a two-out, opposite field single by Starlin, and way awesome that he nearly hit out on to Sheffield-- a more difficult task than reaching the streets in left-- but I confess to being slightly uncomfortable with his pose/strut.  I mean, I don't mind rooting for a douche if it means a championship, but given a choice, I'd likelike for my guys not to be douches.  Tell me what a prick I'm being.

What in the fucking fuck?

Let's go back to this. Jesus.

I didn't even think the posing was that bad. It was an inside pitch, so he had to turn on it and loft the ball, which sent all of his weight backwards anyway. And he crushed that ball, so why not* admire it for .87 seconds?

* Besides risking the wrath of Huey, who's NOT a meatball.

That certainly bears repeating.

He's definitely not a meatball.

Meatballs get mad when dem Dominicans or Venezuelans pose after a home run or do somersaults after a save or don't speak English in de postgame. Meatballs also don't care when white guys do stuff like dat cuz dere just lettin off some steam.

Huey's outlook is just the opposite. I for one salute his anti-meatballism.

He's a high-functioning reverse meatball. NOW SIT THE FUCK DOWN.

[Sterling Archer]

The dongfest continues.

[Internet Apex]

Adam LaRoche can smoke my pimply, clap-infested beef cannon.

[CT III]

I didn't really like the towering aspect of that home run.  A line drive would have been much less showy and more efficient.

Also, I wish it had landed about 15 feet to the left.