So the Cubs are only 5.5 games out of the Wild Card. Time to start printing those playoff tickets! Five and a half out with 19 to play? Seven games left against Houston? No problem.
Well, yeah, theres one…no five problems.
First, the Cubs suck. Only they would pull this crap and get on a hot streak when there’s no pressure because they’ve already flushed the crapper on the season.
Secondly through fifthly (fifthly?) there are the Houston Astros, Florida Marlins, Philadelphia Phillies, and Washington Nationals who are all in front of the Cubs. I’m no mathematician, but the chances of all of them losing enough games to let the Cubs sneak through are about as realistic as the chances of anybody watching that show on Fox between The Simpsons and Family Guy.
Plus, the Cubs are tied with Milwaukee and the Mets. A loss tonight and they could very well be in seventh place in the Wild Card.
I don’t find it insulting that the Cubs or their corporate partners are trying to pretend they’re still playing for something. I do find it insulting that there are people out there who identify themselves as Cubs’ fans who believe it.
I also find it insulting that Matt Murton has been on the active roster since the first week of July (except for his ludicrous vacation in the minors at the end of August) and that he only has 22 at bats against righthanded pitching. A guy can get 22 at bats against righthanded pitching in a week. How is this possible? How can the only outfielder you have who consistently hits the baseball and he never plays?
Murton’s handled it better than I would have, I can tell you that. If it was me who finally got a start against a righthander yesterday and hit a homer to give the Cubs a 2-1 lead I’d have come back to the dugout and said, “Can’t hit righties? Can’t hit for power? Cram it up your ass, Dustbag!” That might not be the wisest approach, I understand.
The Cubs just had a 10 game road trip through Pissburgh, St. Louis and San Francisco and went 8-2. They’re still not back at .500 (though a win tonight will make them 72-72, oh dare to dream). The only real suspense left in the season is whether or not Greg Maddux can continue his arbitary streak of winning 15 games ever year alive for an 18th season, and whether or not Derrek Lee can win the batting title. They can send the Astros home for the winter, since they play them seven times in the last ten days of the season, and that would be fun. But the season’s over, gang. But what am I telling you for? If you’re reading Desipio as part of your daily ritual, you knew long ago that this crapfest of a baseball team was done for in mid-July.
75-68, third place in the NL Wild Card, 1.5 behind Houston, one game behind Florida.
The Phillies took a gun and shot themselves in the foot three times last week in a series sweep by the Astros, and with the Marlins coming in this weekend, it looked like the Phightin’ Phils were phinished. But they took two of three from Florida and when Houston crapped their pants in Milwaukee the Phillies are back in it. Who knew?
It won’t be easy for the Phillies though, and not just because Charlie Manuel is their manager. They play Atlanta seven times in the next 11 days, including a four game series at home that starts tonight. Sandwiched in between those seven games are three in Florida. On one hand they could go nuts, sweep the Braves’ serieses (serieses? whatever) and get back in the NL East race. They could also kick the Marlins right in the crotch (fish don’t have crotches, do they?). Florida’s in Houston for four starting tonight. They’re a hot week away from taking control of the wild card, and a bad week away from falling out of it altogether.
Everybody talks about how great the Marlins’ pitching is, but they gave up 29 runs in three games in Philly, including 12 and 11 in the two losses. With their offense (which is bad) that’s no good.
Not that the Phillies’ pitching has been any more consistent. Tonight, the Phils send Eude Brito (who?) against Tim Hudson. Sigh.
79-63, second place in the AL West, two games behind Anaheim (or whatever they’re called these days), third place in the AL Wild Card, one game behind the Yankees and 2.5 behind the Indians
Early in the season, an injury to Bobby Crosby was blamed for the team’s hellaciously bad start. Well, Bobby got hurt again on August 27 they’re 8-7. It’s not exactly a nose-dive, but when the Indians are 10-3 over that same span…well, you see what the problem is.
Not only have they lost Crosby, but their best pitcher, Rich Harden, hasn’t pitched since August 19. They did win two of three in Texas over the weekend, but the Angels were busy slapping around the White Sox so they actually lost ground in the standings.
This is the biggest week of the season for the A’s until…well, next week. But this one’s pretty big. Three in Cleveland against the red-hot Tribe, then four in Boston. Next week they have the Twins and Rangers then they finish up with the Angels and Mariners. You watch, that last game of the season in Seattle will have that damn Felix Hernandez on the mound.
82-61, first place in the AL Wild Card, 1.5 over the Yankees, second place in the AL Central 5.5 behind the White Sox
Our dream of the Indians helping the White Sox pull off the biggest collapse in baseball history seemed dead when the Sox won seven in a row to start September and put the Indians 9.5 back. Nobody makes up 9.5 games in a month. You’d have to pick up like four games the first week just to give yourself a shot.
Oh, look! They did.
Right now, the Indians are the best team in baseball. They have excellent starting pitching, baseball’s best bullpen and a lineup that (at least for the moment) is mashing from one through nine. They even have Jason Dubois on the bench! OK, forget that last part.
The whole reason the Indians are even in second place is largely due to the fact that the Sox have slapped them around all season. The White Sox are 10-3 against Cleveland and the Sox’ 40-14 record against teams in the AL Central is just a little better (ya think?) than the Indians’ 32-30 effort.
But that won’t mean much if the Indians can take care of Oakland and the Royals in six home games this week. The Sox have three in Kansas City (do they ever stop playing the Royals?) then three in their favorite place, the Metrodome. If the lead is down to say 3.5 or even still 5.5 the three game series at US Cellular starting a week from tonight could be huge, especially since the season ends with the Sox playing three times at the Jake.
But winning the divison isn’t the only way the Indians can impact the Sox playoff chances. If Cleveland wins the Wild Card, the Sox, even with home field advantage won’t get to play the wild card team. They’ll have to play the Angels (most likely), and Anaheim just gave them a nice little three game sweep to suck on for the rest of the month. The Sox best hope is that the Yankees win the Wild Card, since the Yankees’ pitching is bad enough for the Sox to actually hit. Then again, if the Yankees win the Wild Card the Sox will have to beat (likely) both the Yankees and Red Sox to get to the World Series. Regardless, it’s hard to think any of the other AL playoff teams are intimidated taking on a team that is 24-30 since July 1.
Tonight for the Indians they send CC Sabathia to the mound against the A’s and Danny Haren.
I actually interfered with a Redskin on Vasher’s second INT. It was me. I reached over and grabbed the guy’s shirt needlessly while Nate jumped the route for the pick. Should I have not done that?
Sorry, Mike. I didn’t know it was you. That was the part of the game where I was relying on Jeff Joniak to keep me informed.
How can we go offsides?
I gave Orton “Player of the Game”.
Not that anyone else deserved it, but Orton?!? Who here thinks I hate Hub as much as y’all and am just reacting to his strong “Anti-Orton” stance that the SCORE sometimes plays in its promos? Going out of my way to disgaree with that little shit.
Hey Hub– ND 17, U of M 10. Not that you actually played ball at Michigan, you’re just their #1 foam-finger-wearing dorky fan.
Where’d you play ball?!?
If I were Bobby Cox, I’d pretty much mail in the games against Philly because if they go 5-2 against you and win the WC over Houston then the Braves play San Diego instead of Houston. Of course they’ve got to make sure they don’t blow their 7 game lead over the Marlins (and 8 over the Phillies).
#3, somehow that’s probably my fault too.
If only Dusty had not made me a closer. I’m just lights out as a setup man, right? Whoa, I think I just sharted.
I may be the cockiest player on the Cubs.
Anytime Mike Brown wants to cover somebody is okay with me.
And it’s not even my birthday. It feels kind of dirty. I like.
You’re all welcome!
“but the chances of all of them losing enough games to let the Cubs sneak through are about as realistic as the chances of anybody watching that show on Fox between The Simpsons and Family Guy.”
People watch The Simpsons?
Are you seriously dissing the Simpsons. Don’t make me go all Android Dungeon Comic Book Store Guy on your ass.
Are you seriously dissing the Simpsons? Don’t make me go all Android Dungeon Comic Book Store Guy on your ass.
D’OH! I double posted.
I just read Peter King’s MMQB and I have to say it was utterly incomprehensible. When I got to the line “these are my non-NFL thoughts…” I had to back up and check because it didn’t seem like there’d been ANY NFL thoughts to that point. Although I did enjoy his Brick Tamlin-like “Things I like” and “Things I don’t like”. Kyle Orton. Stapler. Air Conditioning.
People watch Family Guy?
Last night’s Family Guy flirted with ‘Average’ and ‘Below Average’ with your usual face-saving joke thrown in here and there.
Any diss on The Simpsons is undeserved, because that show was a major pillar for most people growing up at that time. I was a watcher from season 1, but since circa 2003 I’ve had the inability to find any humor within the show, whether its new episodes or vintage. Probably a defect of mine, although similar cases have been popping up elsewhere.
That show in between Simps/FG though? I’m up for dissing the fuck out of that in hopes it gets imploded to nothingness. A thousand middle fingers primarily directed towards its premise, and whoever may have come up with it.
Ow, my fr**king eyes. Thanks for double-cu*sing, Mike D.
(I realize you were trying to change the period to a question mark on the 2nd posting (I’m the same way about obsessively re-reading and editing my posts (I hate having to look at a d**gum mistake in one of my comments)))
Actually #3, nobody goes offsides. It’s either a false start (offense) or encroachment (defense). I once killed a man in Pennsylvania with my bare hands for offering to violate my neutral zone.
After the Packer’s pummeling, I think I saw a dead rat, Bo Ryan, Barry Alvarez, Devin Harris, Ron Dayne and Bret Favre all squashed like roadkill on Route 41 just south of Green Bay
(I know that sometimes my jokes are obscure so I don’t explain them, and then people complain (I hate it when people complain about my writing without giving constructive criticism) so I didn’t know if (or whether) to explain this joke. If you want me to explain it (it’s really funny), please let me know).
I still love The Simpsons, but last night when it started with Homer reading the gambling pamphlet and Lisa explaining about the scheme mass mailers use to convince people they are always correct, I was sure it was a re-run of the time Lisa started picking games for him.
The whole manatee thing was a little tedious, until, of course the last scene with Mr. Burns and Smithers giving the manatee a sponge bath with “Car Wash” playing in the background.
Family Guy was lame, though I did enjoy “Spanish Quagmire”. American Dad was actually funnier than Family Guy.
As for the show in between the Simpsons and Family Guy, I won’t watch anything with Michael Rappaport in it. He is apparently Spike Lee’s idea of a tough, Italian guy, even though he’s redheaded, a pansy, and Jewish.
I watched about 10 minutes of the Rappaport show. It was essentially “Grounded for Life” with a new cast. And if you know what that means, then you, like me, need help.
Number 19 is obviously not Ed Hochuli or any of the other fine officials working the National Football League.
Encroachment = defensive player enters the neutral zone and makes contact with an opponent before the ball is snapped; play blown dead
Offside = player is beyond line of scrimmage when ball is snapped; play may continue
“Offsides” = no such term in American football, but I have heard fans call for it in rural areas
I did take in a limited amount of The Simpsons last night, and will fully admit to having a ‘laugh out loud’ when the manatee abruptly doused Marge with manatee vomit.
We (Wizards, Redskins, Nationals) own Chicago teams.
RE #21: Hmm. Let’s see…. I (Matt) am a redhead and my ex-roomie Adam is a Jew. Am not sure but were we just insulted?
Anytime you want to cover a great team, feel free to right about us.
We meant write, not right, obviously. Sorry guys, I’m strung out on meth.
…and whoever it was that just swept us.
You can’t forget that I’m the offensive idiot in Wanny’s brain mistrust. If we get Pitt to go 1-1 against Nebraska and a I-AA school in the next two weeks, our .250 winning percent we had w/ the Bears will remain intact.
– – – – – –
I thought God hated me enough as a Cubs fan. That he gave me Wanny to coach my alma mater is indisputable proof.
This just in….. The White Sox – as great as they are against the AL Central Division- can’t spell.
CT, I occasionally stopped on “grounded for Life” for non-comedic reasons. Of course, I have “TV babes” on the Food Channel, Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, QVC, all the news channels, Univision (duh!) and the Weather Channel is always chock full of cute flat-chested weather skanks. The real J-Lo rocks my oysters on TWC.
“and the Weather Channel is always chock full of cute flat-chested weather skanks.”
I’ve seen Jennifer Lopez on there too. Cheers!
This Murton and Cedeno thing with Dusty has just been an insult to Cubs fans. Dustbag has been a real piece of shit and stupid fucker that is always one step behind each and every one of us Cub fans.
DustyFuck has finally come to the asumption that it would be better to give Murton more at bats down the stretch then to run KPatt”The Assclown” to the plate.
DustyFuck has also come to the asumption that since Nomar can hit the ball and needs to be in the lineup, that he could actually adjust to play possibly left field.
Dusty you got to be kidding. These athletic baseball players only get paid millions and should be able to handle being a scoreboard operator, grounds crewman, batboy, announcer, beer vendor, and yes even other positions on the field.
Next year’s lineup, which won’t happen, because of DustyFuck being so fucking stubborn and being the stupid fuck he is:
CF-Leadoff hitter who is a free agent and can play this position
SS-Cedeno
1B-Lee
3B-Ramirez
LF-Nomar
2B-Walker
RF-Murton
C-Barrett
Shove your lefty/righty and platooning shit right up your candyass Dusty!
Is this lineup that hard to make out? I can’t believe Dusty will be coaching this team for another 4 years or something. He is the second coming of Dave Wannstedt. Always gets the good job and good money and doesn’t do a fucking thing for it.
FDF=Fuck Dusty Forever
Baker Basher
Baker Basher just sucked all of me out of this forum.
Me too!
But I’m still here, mang!
Can’t spell ‘funny’ without ‘fun’, and Baker Basher is funnier than fuck. I mean, I thought sensationalism was the sensation of Desipio?
Bullshit. That semi-literate tool is not funnier than me. No way.
Lighten up, fuck.
His illiterate prose is part of his prize. And sorry if I started a chain of obsessive foul language!
So, Michael Rappaort is the 21st Century James Cann?
Rappaort and Cann. Consider it plagarized.
Jay, when you start writing entertainment news is the day Roger Ebert finally just sits down and eats you with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
I am intrigued by the people who think keeping Nomar next year and playing him in left is a good idea. There are three major problems with this:
1) Nomar’s range would make Alou look like Willie Mays.
2) Nomar can’t throw. His mechanics are horrendous and he doesn’t have that strong of an arm to begin with. Can you see him throwing out anyone at the plate with that jumping, side-arm slinging motion? Didn’t think so.
3) This one is obvious: he hasn’t made it through a season in recent memory without a serious injury. So we would need another left fielder anyway – unless Neifi! is going to back him up in LF also.
Keeping him to play 2B and getting a free agent SS makes more sense, but, not much more.
I actually watched most of the Rapaport show, because I had just gotten home and and to make food before Family Guy Time. Pretty bad stuff.
My favorite Rapaport moment, better than any of his movies, was a “Jon Stewart Show” advert from Jon’s time at MTV. Stewart was pressing Rapaport, straight-faced, about what his impetus behind leaving the Beastie Boys was. Was he forced out? Was it an amicable parting. Hilarious. I’ve been looking for it online (even a mention of it) for years.
“Yo, Jon, fo’ real, I wasn’t in da muthaf!c%in’ Beastie Boys, yo!”
And Family Guy, while the Spanish “giggidties” were funny, wasn’t much. And I’m one of the few who thought the new episodes were better than the ones from a few years back.
Simpsons writers think that they’ve created every sitcom issue under the sun, so bringing in James Woods as a guest star on Family Guy was as big of a “screw you” to Groening’s Co. as I can think of.
Did you guys enjoy my fluke year? Yeah, you knew I wasn’t that good. Time to go back to being average…suckers.
I would like to thank you Derrek, for the batting title that is. You may be a better fielder, but you suck at everything else compared to me. LOSER.
Returning to old news about the Bears, they accomplished something (again) that isn’t easy to do in the NFL – win the turnover battle but lose the game. They managed this feat several times last year as well. Generally the team with the fewest turnovers wins 80-plus % of the time, so you’ve got to be really, really extra crappy to keep pulling that off…which I think pretty much sums up this Bears’ offense.