Sunday is the biggest game of the year for the Bears. They’re playing a team tied for the best record in the NFC. The Carolina Panthers don’t do much better the Bears. They have a great defense, too, and instead of not being able to pass, they can’t run the ball on offense. These teams are nearly mirror images of each other, and yet everybody rags on the Bears for sucking and talks about how the Panthers are a legitimate Super Bowl team.
Now, the reason the Panthers are supposedly more legitimate than the Bears is because the Bears schedule has been so lousy. It’s been awful. The teams they’ve beaten have lost 36 games between them.
The collective records of the Bears’ opponents is 33-48. Oh, that’s not good.
I mean look at how how tough the Panthers’ schedule has been, the teams on their schedule have put up an impressive 30-51 mark.
Oh, wait. That’s worse. Huh.
OK, that’s not to say there isn’t something that looks like a bad omen for the Bears. The Bears’ defense has allowed a league low 106 points. That’s good. The Bears offense has only scored 156 points. The Panthers have scored 250.
But Carolina isn’t immune to losing to teams with pop-gun offenses. Their losses have been to the Saints (142 points scored) and Miami (162), teams with a combined record of 5-13.
It should be a good matchup. Thomas Jones is back, and presumably healthy, after a week off to rest his ribs. Fred Miller and his metal jaw plate are expected in the lineup. You’d expect Muhsin Muhammad to be fired up going against his old team. It’s in Chicago. If the Bears win Sunday and the Seahawks lose to the Niners, the Bears will be tied for the NFC’s best record. OK, so Seattle’s not going to lose to the 49ers. But it’s nice to think about how close the Bears are.
The Bears’ defense is now the league’s top rated unit. They’d like to keep it that way. If the season ended today (and if it did, we’d all be stunned) Brian Urlacher would likely be the defensive player of the year in the NFL. The fact that gap between him and next best Bears’ defender, and that that player isn’t immediately identifiable (Lance Briggs? Mike Brown? Alex Brown? Walleye? Ian Scott? Helen Huntermeyer?) is the reason this defense isn’t just good, it’s got a chance to be great. Of course, if they go out and give up 40 on Sunday, well, let’s not think about that.
Sexy Rexy thinks he’s a week away from being able to contribute. You know, by holding a clipboard and wearing a baseball cap in full uniform. Kyle Orton now has more career starts than Rex, and yet, I think we all still figure Rex is better.
I think the main reason the Bulls are so lousy on their annual western road trips is because they tend to get outscored. Hey, that’s deep!
Brian Randle of the Illini says that sitting out last year helped him. How’d you like to have missed out on the best basketball season in the 100 year history of the U of I because you got mad, punched a wall and broke your hand?
Public league product Corey Mays took a while to contribute on the field at Notre Dame, but you can’t say he hasn’t made the most of his five years there.
Lovie Smith sits down with Mike Mulligan. Warning! There’s a whole thing there about the quarterback “managing the game” and if you’re like me, that phrase and it’s sheer lunacy makes your butt pucker.
Longtime reader (well since Wednesday, at least) Bruce Miles on the Cubs’ latest Eyre.
Len Kasper weighed in on the WGN Baseball Blog about the Derrek Lee-Albie Pujols debacle and he makes a lot of good points. He also blatantly stole the headline we used here on Tuesday, but to WGN’s credit, when I posted the link, they actually published it. Who knew? By the way, Len has volunteered to another Q and A with us, and on Monday, I’ll start asking you for your questions of him. So take the weekend and gear up for it. And if you’re Scott Eyre, we won’t make you run 30 laps before you send in a question, either.
Two things I love about this article on the Blue Jays offer to AJ Burnett. First, that they’re giving $50 million to a guy with a sub .500 career record. Second, that they have to explain that the offer is in “U.S. money.” Can’t you see AJ cashing his first check, getting some back from the bank and saying, “Why the f#$% is the queen on my money?”
The Mets want to trade for Carlos Delgado. You know, they could have signed him last year and saved themselves having to give up players to get him.
The Orioles want to trade for Carlos Delgado. In fairness, they never pulled out of the bidding for him last year. He picked the Marlins instead.
The Genius gave up Stones’ tickets to have dinner with AJ Burnett and Walt Jockitchity. Yeah, this is a big deal, because the Stones are so much better now then they were when they still had reasonable bladder control and only drooled when the acid was bad.
For chrissakes, how many dinners did AJ have?
The Red Sox will give Jim Bowden a second interview. What, it’s going to take them two to figure out he’ll trade the team into ruin?
E!’s Coming Attractions had the trailer for this movie on their latest episode and I can’t figure out why they changed the title. Didn’t it used to be “Lassie and Albert Go Camping”?
Roger Ebert liked “Walk the Line” and apparently can’t tell the difference between Johnny Cash and Joaquin Phoenix singing. I also am glad that Fox changed the marketing strategy for this. Originally they were going to bill it as “‘Ray’ for white people.”
If you’re wondering what Karry Ling’s been up to. You can pass the time by checking out his MySpace.com page.
America’s finest news source on the new Harry Potter movie.
That photo caption is brutal.
Funny, but brutal.
Best.
Desipio.
Caption.
Ever.
I’m a stud who shouldn’t have much problem with a HEALTHY Fred Miller but, just the same, I think I’ll take a 10-yard “Hands-To-The-Face” on the first play from scrimmage just to shake that jaw up a little.
I may not be LT, but my 12 TDs are pretty impressive, no?
Just what this team needs, another jackass…
The Bears defense still gets no respect at all. The Washington media still thinks that the Colts and Bucs are tied for the lead in every category. With, of course, the Redskins a close second. Who could argue against Phillip Daniels and Walt Harris’ impact? Sonny Jurgenson and George Michael still blindy pick the Redskins to win by like 20 every week. You can see that it pains the morans at the 4 letter network just to talk about the Bears at all. Except, of course, when the story involves a fight at a shooting range. A win sunday would be huge for the franchise, and us the fans, but the Bears will still fly under the radar.
Actually, I get paid in bearclaws, that’s why my wife left me.
Stephen Davis, your 12 rushing TDs are impressive. Your 3.0 yards per carry average isn’t.
Anybody have the Bears under their radar?
Go to the 4 letter board and do a search on my posts. Then, read them…I’m a joke right? I mean, I can’t really be this pathetic of a person. “One of my better sources”, “Sources confirm”, “Does any one have this on their radar”. I’m just a small time comedian with a long running gag, right?
How could you mention Lassie and not link to this:
http://www.sportsdignity.com/0037.html
(Courtesy of Deadspin.)
right before I read this line: “Take a whiff. Breathe deep. You know what that smell is? It’s that familiar bullshit that the Cubs spout through one of their corporate mouthpieces to get fans ready to be disappointed.”
That sucked.
Sign Furcal if you are looking to fill two gaping holes.
Sign Edmonds if you are looking to fill gaping two holes.
Crash,
Shouldn’t that be:
Sign Furcal if you are looking to fill two gaping holes.
Sign Edmonds if you are looking to gape your a-hole?
Or gaping Poo-Holes.
Why wouldn’t we post a link to a headline called MVLee? It’s only been said about a billion times since April.
This Sunday’s Bears game is going to be a catastrophe on many levels. The Panthers are going to force a lot of runs due to the poor quarterback the Bears have been forced to run out there each week. Regardless of a 5-game winning streak, the Bears’ RBs will be running into the teeth of the #2 rush defense. That means they’ll have to rely on Orton more. And he’ll fail quite badly. It’s been coming for some time, but now that he’ll be forced to step up and perform, he’ll finally be exposed as the terrible QB he looks to be on paper. Eventually (after a four-game losing streak) it will be time for a Rexitude Adjustment to salvage an 8-8 season.
a “Rexitude Adjustment?”
a “Rexitude Adjustment?”
That is almost Bayless-esque. Guh.
I think Orton’s been exposed as a less-than-great quarterback. He’s a rookie. He’s only the starter by default. Still, you can’t convince me they’ll finish 8-8. Maybe 9-8, but not 8-8.
Doctor Z., is that you (#17)?
And the all-time worst Grossman nickname comes from–who else?–Moronotti:
Rex The Wonder Bear.
So very lame.
Hey we wanted to keep Eyre after the year he had, but if you guys want him bad enough that you’re willing to pay 11 million for him, then by all means….
Is someone offering rectumlube adjustments?
“These teams are nearly mirror images of each other … The Bears offense has only scored 156 points. The Panthers have scored 250.”
27.8 PPG and 17.3 PPG would only resemble each other in the mirror at the funhouse. 18% of the Bear “offense” is the 4 return TDs.
got salad
Those salad jokes. Keep ’em comin’!
for success vs panthers:
1. a lot of thomas jones
2. if thomas jones gets injured, a lot of Petersen
3. 1 pass to TE every 3 plays…heck I would play with 2 TE and only 1 WR
4. what’s that play called when I let the defense run to me and I throw a short floater to the FB or RB? …. I think that will work well
5. hand it to jones, jones starts running but gives back the ball back to me and I pass it to muhsin for 52 yards.
When I read Eyre’s quotes earlier this morning I moaned out loud. Just what we need, another schmo who’s looking to do just enough to get by. I want 25 players who will trade their soul to win a World Series. Who will leave a kidney on the field after each game. I am a lazy overweight male with a desk job, and I don’t want to run 30 laps before I go to work either. But my job doesn’t require me to, you know, use my body. All I have to be able to do is breathe and click a mouse. We’d want someone who’s job it is to hurl things and run after things to not have such a problem with running. Most of all, we’d want someone who–if Dusty asked him to run to Needles California in order to help the team win–would say “You got it skip” and put on his Adidas. Or, more realistically, if Dusty asked him to frickin cover first base he’d do that. I’m not holding my breath.
Rothschild never makes us do any physical training. As long as we’re ready to pitch before we go on the DL, that’s fine with him.
I just want my guys to be healthy enough to throw every simulated 5th day.
What makes the ungodly amount of money given to Scott Eyre worse is that I get to go to the Giants.
You’re right, 29, that was a dick move.
No. 26, I won’t make my players run, bro. Especially them white players who don’t do well in the heat, dude.
So, would somebody’s 1st round pick go back the Cubs for signing what’s left of me?
Whatever happened to us? And where’s the Sloth been anyway? Phone home.
Mike, to be fair, I Mariotti probably stole the nickname from Chuck.
“Hendry Eyres on Side of Caution”: Signs reliever to 3 year deal
I wasn’t gonna let him get away, I had a hold on him tighter than a Tim Hortons’ jelly filled. Clearly, I know what I’m doing.
Actually, because the Cubs have a top-15 pick, they get to keep their first round pick no matter whom they sign. The only way they get a pick back for Nomar is if they offer him arbitration, and then he’d be a fool to not accept (unless he gets a multi-year deal someplace else, which isn’t likely). The Cubs will give up their 2nd round pick, but hopefully that’ll go to the Braves in exchnage for Furcal…and their 3rd round pick will go to SF.
How much would I reward Nomar?
Not that I would “reward” him with anything, since McFail has never gone to arbitration with a player, but what would his market be set at?
#22 Intrepid Reader: Funghouse
November 18th, 2005 at 1:11 pm
“These teams are nearly mirror images of each other … The Bears offense has only scored 156 points. The Panthers have scored 250.â€Â
27.8 PPG and 17.3 PPG would only resemble each other in the mirror at the funhouse. 18% of the Bear “offense†is the 4 return TDs.
That’s a pretty convienient ellipse you used to prove your point, “Funghouse.” Within the part you happily skipped was this…
“OK, that’s not to say there isn’t something that looks like a bad omen for the Bears. The Bears’ defense has allowed a league low 106 points. That’s good. The Bears offense has only scored 156 points. The Panthers have scored 250.”
Eyre’s not one of us. The Cubs haven’t lost their first rounder just yet. If they sign Furcal, though, it’s gone.
Without me, Funghouse would have nothing to say.
I don’t rike prayers rike Eyre! Physicar fitness and hard work is the onry way to win basebarr games!
Re: #40–
If they sign Furcal, I’ll promise to pick up said Draft Pick and drive him tohis new team’s headquarters.
Boom goes the dynamite
I love my bomber jokes
Hey, 30…you forgot me…
*cough*
Why do we do this to ourselves?? Cubs fans like me who hope and even say a prayer that the brilliant Jim Hendry will actually sign someone like Furcal and work hard to get another bat (hopefully a lefty) such as Pierre. This is the same man that signed N. Perez to a contract of $2.5 mil a year and signed Eyre (who is another overpaid decision), then makes a statement that we may not need to find another starting pitcher because now Rusch doesn’t have to go to the pen. I hate to say it Cub fans but wake up and smell another season of bullsh!t. We have a manager that whines about people being hard on him, players that come here so they don’t have to work too hard. The 06 season is already a joke and it hasn’t even begun, I may have given up already but at least I won’t be disappointed when it is July of 06 and we are 5 games out of the wildcard spot. Oh and by the way…. I still hate the WhiteSux!
Ok, I checked the rules, and I belong to the Cubs and I’m not going anywhere. bozos was right. Even if the Cubs sign Furcal I’m still Cubs property, which means I can turn into another toolsy high school outfielder come early-June.
What about me? Of course the only guy who’s upset that I’m a bust is that Mysterious Fourth Molina, who would have taken a nice chunk of my big league salary had I, you know, actually earned one.
Hendry Caves to Fans’ Demands
Cubs Sign Furcal, Damon; Trade for Ichiro, Pierre, Lofton
Excerpt: “The Cubs, lacking a leadoff bat and never bashful in regard to experimentation, bold innovations and even the unprecedented –as witnessed in the wildly successful ‘College of Coaches’ managerial model of the early 1960s– have responded to incessant public demand for a leadoff man in making the deals announced today.
“When reached for comment on the acquisitions, skipper Dusty Baker remarked, ‘People are gonna say that this is a leadoff-heavy lineup, but dude, that don’t matter. See, we haven’t had a leadoff dude for the last two years, –and it’s hurt us bad, dude. So we’re going with a new program. I like to call it the “all-leadoff dude lineup,” dude.’
“When asked the obvious question –who leads off?– Baker bristled, shrugged, rolled his eyes and gruffed, ‘Dude, I don’t know, man’ before abruptly announcing that it was time to go and walk his son, Darren.”
The ellipsis wasn’t intended to mislead, it was to point out what you’re saying, that there was indeed something in between the 2 statements that don’t taste great together.
Saying they’re nearly a mirror image of each other may be fun to write, but it’s not true. The Panthers average over 10 points per game more than the Bears. If the Bears score 27 per game next year, they wouldn’t resemble this year’s team.
Funghouse……YOU SUUUUUUUUUCK!
Mark Grace asked me to get in touch with Korey Patterson. Why??
You can put me in the pantheon now, too. Former Cubs 1st round draft picks, we should start a club or something. You know, one where you get to wear funny hats and walk around on all fours, and screw each other in the ass. Isn’t that what they do at the Moose Lodge?
Are jokes about me even funny? Probably not, since its the same joke over and over again. At least inject some creativity people.
New point totals:
Bears – 169
Panthers – 253
Incredibly, Eyre is one:
Type A
Wilson Alvarez (LAD), Brad Ausmus (Hou), A.J. Burnett (Fla), Jeromy Burnitz (ChC), Royce Clayton (Ari), Roger Clemens (Hou), Jeff Conine (Fla), Johnny Damon (Bos), Octavio Dotel (Oak), Erubiel Durazo (Oak), Scott Eyre (SF), Kyle Farnsworth (Atl), Rafael Furcal (Atl), Brian Giles (SD), Tom Gordon (NYY), Mark Grudzielanek (StL), Ramon Hernandez (SD), Trevor Hoffman (SD), Bob Howry (Cle), Todd Jones (Fla), Paul Konerko (CWS), Matt Lawton (NYY), Braden Looper (NYM), Kevin Millar (Bos), Bengie Molina (LAA), Matt Morris (StL), Bill Mueller (Bos), Mike Piazza (NYM), Joe Randa (SD), Al Reyes (StL), Kenny Rogers (Tex), B.J. Ryan (Bal), Rudy Seanez (SD), Julian Tavarez (StL), Ugueth Urbina (Phi), Billy Wagner (Phi), Larry Walker (StL), Jeff Weaver (LAD), Rondell White (Det), Bob Wickman (Cle), Tim Worrell (Ari).
Type B
Antonio Alfonseca (Fla), Rich Aurilia (Cin), Paul Byrd (LAA), Hector Carrasco (Was), Elmer Dessens (LAD), Cal Eldred (StL), Juan Encarnacion (Fla), Shawn Estes (Ari), Carl Everett (CWS), Julio Franco (Atl), Nomar Garciaparra (ChC), Alex Gonzalez (Fla), Todd Greene (Col), Chris Hammond (SD), Scott Hatteberg (Oak), Rick Helling (Mil), Roberto Hernandez (NYM), Jason Johnson (Det), Jacque Jones (Min), Al Leiter (NYY), Esteban Loaiza (Was), Kenny Lofton (Phi), Brian Meadows (Pit), Jim Mecir (Fla), Jose Mesa (Pit), Dan Miceli (Col), Kevin Millwood (Cle), Jamie Moyer (Sea), Mike Myers (Bos), Rafael Palmeiro (Bal), Todd Pratt (Phi), Felix Rodriguez (NYY), Reggie Sanders (StL), J.T. Snow (SF), Sammy Sosa (Bal), Russ Springer (Hou), Frank Thomas (CWS), Brett Tomko (SF), Michael Tucker (Phi), Daryle Ward (Pit), Jarrod Washburn (LAA), Bernie Williams (NYY), Preston Wilson (Was), Eric Young (SD).
Type C (first-time free agents only)
Joey Eischen (Was), Scott Elarton (Cle), Abraham Nunez (StL).
Upon further review, I too, agree with Funghouse’s statement in #52:
“Saying they’re nearly a mirror image of each other may be fun to write, but it’s not true.”
How true. That Carolina defense doesn’t even deserve to be on the same field as the Bears “D”.
FIRST DOWN!