The “I’ll throw anything on the wall to see if it sticks” trade rumor guy has a three-way involving the Cubs.

In this scenario the Cubs give up the great Corey Patterson and everybody’s favorite crossword puzzle addict, Will Ohman, and somehow end up with Mariners’ outfielder Raul Ibanez and Boston utility man Tony Graffanino. You remember Tony, right? He’s the guy who turned that clutch double play in the Red Sox game-two win over the White Sox in the ALDS this year…oh, wait. He’s also the guy who lost a Cubs-Sox game for the Pale Hose when he took a grounder and ran to third for a force out…that wasn’t there. Now this guy was born to be a Cub!

Crazy rumor guy also has this gem about the White Sox and Miguel Tejada. Remember, I’m truly convinced Tejada is going to end up on the Sox and that life as we know it is just going to get worse and worse and worse. The rumor is that the Orioles have counterpropsed with the Sox and say they’d trade Miggy for Jose Contreras, Juan Uribe, Ryan Sweeney and Alex Woodson. Now that’s a high price to pay, but an acceptable one when you get a 30 year old who is the best shortstop in the game at an affordable (for big league baseball circa 2006) price tag. We’ll know if this trade rumor is true easily enough. If it’s true, Kenny Williams will say yes to it.

But Cubs fans, all is not lost. Augie Ojeda is back and he’s bringing a 260 pound outfielder and the Marquis de Sod, too!

Avani Patel with yet another rambling, incoherent look at Notre Dame’s 2006 football chances. Looks like they ought to stop playing Fiesta Bowls.

The Rams are after Chico.

The Sun-Times has it’s “columnists” pick the Most Valuable Bears from a list of four given by Brad Biggs. Biggs inexplicably picks Kyle Orton while Mariotti, Telander and Mulligan pick Brian Urlacher. Typically, Telander is on the “oh no the Bears didn’t lead the NFL in defensive yardage allowed” crying wagon.

The boys at Deadspin have uncovered information that Ohio State’s football team is going to get whacked hard with probation now that the season is over. They claim that the NCAA decided on a punishment earlier but didn’t want it to come down until after this season so as to help out corporate partner ABC who had a couple of big Buckeye games (Texas at OSU and OSU at Michigan) to sell to advertisers. Nah, never!

Semi-retarded former Saints coach Jim Haslett will interview with the Lions. Oh, that’s too perfect.

Stewey says Texas will beat USC.

You know if you use the old Texas beat Ohio State and Ohio State killed Notre Dame and Notre Dame almost beat USC theory…nah, Austin Murphy disagrees with Stewey and is, of course, right.

Kelly Dwyer on how the Suns are learning to play defense and the Bulls are forgetting to play anything.

You won’t believe this, the Mets have traded Jae Seo and Tim Hamulack to the Dodgers for Duaner Sanchez and Steve Schmoll, and honestly, all four of those sound like made up names for the cast of Anchorman 2.

I could have told you that the Mets have traded Frank Fincher and Wes Mantooth to the Dodgers for Champ Kind and Brian Fantana and you’d have had the same reaction you did to the Seo-Hamulack-Sanchez, Schmoll deal.

Honestly, Hamulack is a tremendous last name. I like to say it. Hamulack. In fact, I’m saying it now.

America’s finest news source with the tale of a guy who just wiped out who now says he’s fine.