The 21st Annual Cubs Convention is this Friday-Saturday-Sunday at the Hilton and Towers in Chicago. Hank White will not be attending, which seriously makes the whole thing a complete waste of time.
What further makes it a waste of time is the fact that lots of fans will get really upset and vent their frustations at Dusty Baker and he will answer every question with one of his pat and trite answers:
“We’re in the earn it business, not the give it business.”
“It’s gonna take some time to turn around almost 100 years of losing.”
“I used to play with Hank Aaron…”
“I like to play kids, I’ve just never had any to play (he says, averting his eyes from Matt Murton, Ronny Cedeno and any reminders of Jason Dubois).”
“I don’t know where we’d have been last year without Neifi.” (Probably third place instead of fourth.)
What you wish would happen, of course, would be for him to snap and go on some nonsensical diatribe like:
“I have half a mind to take this toothpick and try to gouge out every one of your eyes! Why do you people even follow this pathetic team anyway? If I dated a girl who ended every date by kicking me in the balls, I doubt I’d still be dating her 100 years after the last time she put out! Get a life, losers!”
I could get behind something like that.
Both the Tribune and Sun-Times have stories today that indicate the Cubs are going to end the Corey Patterson Er(ror)a this week. On Baseball This Morning on MLB Home Plate (XM 175), Buck Martinez talked about it and said he can’t believe the Cubs are going to give up on somebody “as talented as Corey Patterson.” It’s this kind of thing that leads me to believe Corey has some actual trade value. People who don’t follow the Cubs every day look at Corey and see his speed, his strong arm, the power he can generate at the plate and figure they can make a great player out of him. It’s the same set of gifts that made the Cubs so unwilling to part with him when he had even more value. But we know, from seeing him play every day, that what Corey is, is a great athlete, not a great baseball player. He’s the baseball equivalent of Renaldo Nehemiah’s football career. Renaldo looked like a wide reciever, he ran like one–actually he ran much faster than any of them–but he couldn’t play football. He had bad hands, he was afraid to get hit. He made Willie Gault look like Steve Largent.
That’s Corey. If you had to draw up a big league centerfielder, it would come out something like Corey. Fast, powerful, agile. But there’s a difference. Somewhere in your blueprints you’d write down some specs for equipment that would allow the player to get on base once and a while, and to not fall asleep in the outfield for half-innings at a time.
Corey’s legacy won’t be his stubborn refusal to show any emotion during the times the Wrigley fans (and Cubs fans on the road) were showering him with boos. It’ll be his stubborn refusal to learn how to play the game in any kind of way that would make him consistently successful.
It didn’t help that for the last three years he had the midly retarded triumvirate of Baker-Clines-Sarge trying to help him adapt. Or that last year they finally sent him to AAA, only to call him back up before he’d had a chance to make any meaningful changes. There’s plenty of blame to go around.
Maybe this is why Dusty won’t play youngsters. Maybe it’s because he knows he can’t teach them anything and the likelihood of them succeeding is so low that all that’s going to come of it is that he’s going to get blamed for not developing them. Or maybe he’s a just a back-assed stubborn dumbshit. Either seems right.
Seabiscuit’s Jockey says that the Nationals are interested in trading for Corey. This makes sense because Corey’s all-tools, no production skill-set is the kind that Jim Bowden has chased after for years. The Jockey wonders if the Nats might trade Alfonso Soriano, who has refused to even consider moving to the outfield and says he wants to go back to the American League next season, for Patterson and Jerome Williams. That would kind of blow Jim Hendry’s “we’re going to catch the ball” philosophy for 2006, since Soriano plays second base like wearing a glove is optional.
Any option that limits the amount of time Neifi Perez will spend at second base seems like a good one, but you get the idea that if the Cubs trade for Soriano, Dusty would just bench Cedeno and play Neifi at short. We can’t win.
Much like the Cubs.
Besides, the whole idea of getting Soriano for a player the Cubs have no use for and for one half of the LaTroy Hawkins trade haul seems a little far fetched.
Groucho says it’s time for the Bulls to deal Chris Duhon. Then he lists players the Bulls could get for him and you can see why Paxson hasn’t traded him.
Teams want to trade for Ben Gordon. Marlen Garcia says the Bulls get asked more about trading Luol Deng. That’s because Luol is their best player.
Mike Kiley couldn’t figure out that unnamed NL team was the Nationals. I knew that before I read it in the Tribune. I guess Kiley only knows things that Sammy Sosa’s agent leaks to him.
Vince Young is going pro. Surprise. The day before he said he was coming out the Texans said they were going to take Reggie Bush no matter what. I have a hunch that had a lot to do with the fact that their hometown boy (Vince) had yet to announce he was going to leave the state’s big deal (UT). Why piss off the fans by making it look like you killed their chances to repeat as national champions. I think Reggie Bush is awfully good, but Vince Young is…well, if you don’t take him number one, you’ll get asked about it every day for….well, ask the Trail Blazers how often they get reminded about Sam Bowie.
Peter King says he doesn’t know why coaches can get traded for draft picks (uh, why not?), thinks the Bears and Panthers game will be 10-7 (he doesn’t say who gets the ten), he thinks Joe Theismann’s a dumbass, too, and he spent part of the weekend jerking it to a 14 year old Natalie Portman in “Beautiful Girls.”
And how does a 14 year old steal a movie? She acts with Timothy Hutton and Michael Rapapaport. I’ve got a chair that could outact those two. And don’t you think Rose O’Donnell only did the movie so she could try to accidentally barge in to Mira Sorvino’s trailer while Mira was taking a shower?
Dee Brown beat Michigan State almost singlehandedly on Thursday, on Saturday in Iowa City…not so much.
I didn’t get to see the game. I was home, ready to watch it, when the DirecTV guy finally showed up to slap up a second dish we need out in the boonies to get local channels as part of our DirecTV service. Should have taken 20 minutes, tops. Took three hours. In the end, I ended up getting (free of charge) a brand new receiver for my bedroom (the old one was…old and not compatible with the second dish), a brand new TiVo, because not only did the installer wipe out all the stuff I had saved on the old one (including the 2003 doubleheader against Pissburgh and all the postgame celebration stuff) but he didn’t know how to make it work with the second dish, and a brand new HD receiver–my “old” one was about nine months old, and apparently already obsolete. Here I was, aggravated that I was missing the Illini and Iowa, but I ended up with about a 1,000 bucks worth of free DirecTV upgrades and didn’t have to watch the Illini lose at Carver Hawkeye Screwjob Arena.
The NFL is going to stop selling ad time to boner pill manufacturers. Oh, how we’ll miss Da Coach talking about how he can’t get it up anymore.
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In all fairness…she was hot for a 14 year old. And Timothy Hutton has an Oscar. But then again…so does Marisa Tomei. Nevermind.
Great movie by the way. One of TW’s favorites (so I hear).
DirecTV is still handing out TiVo’s? I thought they moved on to just plain-jane knock-off DVRs. Are you calling your off-brand DVR a TiVo®, Andy? That’s sad…
We are the reason why the Bears offense will be more effective then the Giants on Sunday. The defense will set it up and we will win 15-7 on 5 Gould FGs
“Carver Hawkeye Screwjob Arena”. Yeah, the refs caused Dee Brown to blow two layups and shoot three airballs. And I’m sure the Illini NEVER get any calls at home. That’s what happens when you actually play a road game.
Any dingleberry knows that the U of Iowa basketball stadium is known as Carver Hawkeye Retread Arena as the Carver family owns the Bandag Corporation.
Shut up, Steve. Perhaps if you could actually coach without felons on your team some people might actually feel good about your win iover Sillinoise. Instead there is the feeling that wins like this will save your job for another year and make us long for the Lute Olsen-George Raveling-Tom Davis days.
Yeah, Luther Head wasn’t a felon or anything, was he? Or did he need the help of some local Champaign legal beagles to get him out of some burglary charges?
I think Rex Grossman (ouch!) will be the (Owwwww!!!) difference in the (Gahhh!) Bears game Sunday. Fuck me that hurt.
I admit that I suck, but we did embarrass undefeated Illinois. That has to count for something.
Deh-deh-deh-deh-deh! Heeeere’s Carson!
I just had to say that one last time for this year because I know you never get tired of my tired ass schtick.
I’m the over/under on the number of bones/ligaments Rex is going to have snapped on Sunday as well as the number of quarters of action Kyle Orton will see afterward.
I’m roughly the number of points the Bears will need in order to defeat Carolina.
Remember when I chip-blocked the ball out of Orton’s hand in Cleveland? Yeah, thanks to a stupid Bengals lineman, that block is no longer the worst block of the season.
#11, I’ll take the over – on both.
You’ve vastly misoverestimated the percentage of Bears fans who are so filled with doubt that they spent Sunday watching Giants/Panthers and soiling themselves. It’s fine that you did, but the first several paragraphs make no sense if you didn’t.
Fear me, bitches.
Fear me, Rickey
soriano for k patt and jerome NO
soriano for jerome NO
soriano for k patt YES
You are correct, I got saddled with the DirecTV Plus DVR, which is vastly inferior to the real TiVo. I had an older TiVo, though I’m pretty sure even I could have configured it to work with the second dish, so at the very least I get 65 more hours of hard drive space. Though I already miss the TiVo suggestions, the power you felt from giving things thumbs up and thumbs down and the lovely noises it made when you did anything. The f’in’ DirecTV DVR also is a pain in the ass to fast forward with. With Tivo it adjusted back a few seconds when you hit play since it’s going so fast you don’t know when to stop until you’re already there. This one? Not so much.
As for Carver Hawkeye Screwjob Arena, nothing on Saturday gave it that name as far as I know, but it’s that way since Lute was prowling the sidelines dreaming of ditching the pastures for the bordertown catbox that is Tucson.
I’m gone, bi-atches. Hello, Baltimore.
Andy,
Here’s a candidate for Dumbass Du Jour: Marcus Vick.
Vick got arrested AGAIN earlier today…
http://www.wavy.com/Global/story.asp?S=4338756&nav=23ii
Fuck you, bitch! I was just tryin’ to celebrate goin’ pro with my favorite food and these two lil’ bitch-ass n***az came up on me, talkin’ bout, “Yo, Marcus, way to go! After you fuck up your life, tell Maurice Clarrett we said, whud’up!” and a bunch a other bullshit. So I pulled out the gat and told them two lil’ n***az to bail before I pistol-whipped they ass. Youknowmsayin? Shit. Fuck that shit. Let a brotha eat his happy meal and shit and leave me the fuck alone.
Yo, if you see my bro, man, tell him I need like 10 G’s with the quickness. Aight?
Um, we’re the number one defense in the NFC.
Not anymore.
We having “growing” concerns, so we don’t need the boner pill anymore.
You’re right 23, we were only first in useless categories like scoring and yards per play, and red zone efficiency. We gave up a few more yards on average a game because our offense wasn’t as good, and we played our reserves in our final game against the vike’s starters. Yeah, we suck.
Oh, we also had more sacks, takeaways, a better 3rd and 4th down %, better passing defense. Man, we suck, see you on sunday Tampa…oh, wait…
Get ready for us in the NFC Championship game.
Corey,
So long man, I love you and good luck in Baltimore. I wish some of the “fans” here could have given you a fair shake. Thank you for all you have done for us, I hope you tear it up in Baltimore. I know you will, it’s like Brock for Broglio all over again. They should have gotten so much more for you, oh well, good luck and God speed. You deserved better.
Love, NSBB Fan
“Cubs in 06, yeah!!! Get Wrigley Rockin'”
Adam Dunn is GOD and Wilkerson is Jesus.
If I happen, the Panthers are going to the super bowl.
Yeah, I am gonna run all over the Bears, they are so easy to score on at home. I’m healthy too, just like the Giants LB corps was…
Panthers 43-Bears 0
Panthers 38-Skins 3
Panthers 49-Patriots 6
Apparently, Charlotte has gotten some of our blue cool aid
Thanks for the shout-out, Andy.
Thanks for the shout-out, Andy.
We KNOW who the number one defense is.
Why no Laura Quinn picture. Laura Quinn is so sexy. Could you imagine what she looks like in a bikini, or something that covers less than a bikini, or nothing on. She is sexy even with things on. She is sexy. Laura Quinn needs more attention. There needs to be more Laura Quinn news and pictures. She is sexy. Laura Quinn looks amazing. Did you see those pictures. Her body is so sexy.
What about some Anna Kournikova pictures. She is also sexy. You could have a picture of her and Laura Quinn. That would looks awesome. Kournikova doesn’t need to be skilled at tennis, she is so sexy. Who needs tennis when you can just take you tennis top off and get big money.
Am I that retarded, foreign sounding guy that spammed all the old dose comment sections with my love for this site?
Peter King’s boss should really question the expense report. Other than the gripes about the 5-star hotels he stays at, it’s rare that there’s any indication of King doing more than laying on his couch at home and watching a couple highlights on Sunday night. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt that he’s lazy, not dishonest:
“14. San Diego (9-7). Drew Brees is going to be just fine. Phil Simms had the same labrum surgery and was back throwing the ball within three months.”
I’m sure Phil felt the passes he was throwing to little Chris in the back yard were coming out like frozen ropes, but technically speaking, Phil never threw another pass accredited by the NFL after his surgery. Mundane detail, Pete.
Whoops. Lest I be lumped in with the Anonymous guy who thinks everything’s sexy, I did #42 and was victimized by my fat fingers submitting it too quick when I wasn’t looking.
The rest of the Big Ten can thank Illinois for doing me and keeping Steve Alford around. Looks like the days of thousands of (put opposing color of choice here)-clad fans in C-HA are gonna keep on keepin’ on.
I’ve been a bust everywhere but Canton.
Uh, if Tucson is a “bordertown catbox”, then what the hell is Champaign? (Or most of the towns in the Big Ten, for that matter.)
Also, as for Marcus Vick, you think maybe he and Maurice Clarett can wind up in the same prison cell?
all of a sudden Reggie Bush is Sam Bowie?!?! What?!!? Vince is a great college QB but if he’s an NFL QB then i’m Miles Davis.
Anyone going to me, better boo Baker every chance you get.
Anyone going to me should go only to boo. Boy, I’m a waste of money. Keep feeding the cash cow Cubs fans, I’m sure they’ll take everything the fans say into account.
“The Bears allowed single digits in points in all 6 of their home games, mostly because of the weather” I am an idiot.
No one is picking us to win this game.
If you’re going to call Suzy an idiot, at least get the fucking quote right. It’s not worth commenting on when some moran posts an obvious misquote.
What was my exact quote? Anyone?
The first half is exact, I said “all 6 home games” and then I said either with great help from the weather, or mostly due to the weather. I’m sure you were watching Joe, maybe you could clean up what I said you dirty old bastard.
I either work for espn, or I have a thing for Kolber, because she said all of those things. I am also probably a faggot, but whatever…
Wheeee!!! Screw the Bears game, lets all go to the convention and act like our organization actually cares about us. Everyone, hurry, go spend money and hang out with Ronnie Woo Woo. Awesome!!!
Suzy Kolber is so sexy. Can you imagine what she looks like with a bikini on? Or without a bikini on? It would be so sexy to see her like that. She has a cute face, great breasts, and is so sexy. We need more Suzy Kolber pictures. Her pictures are so sexy.
Hey gang, the bar is now about as low as it will ever be to get in the hall. Trevor Hoffman, Lee Smith, Billy Wagner, John Wettland, Troy Percival…come on in. No, not you Jack Morris or Bert Blyleven, you’re not good enough. I had 8 good seasons, what a fuckin joke. Oh yeah, I’m going in as a Cardinal. Ha.
My toe is fine, bitches. I will run all over soldier field, but Del homie will be piledriven into the ground which will leave me & Steve for an offensive threat. Which means that we will pile up a bunch of yardage but not score because the Bears defense is like trying to bang your wife in the ass. No matter how much meds you give her you are not going to penatrate the endzone.
Dejon Out!
On PTI, I said the Bears play “almost nearly perfect defense”. Is anybody else scared that we are being so damn nice, and complimentary of our opponent? Check out what Brentson has been saying.
I know interest peaked like a week ago , but I wanted to let you guys know that I’m still tappin Brady Quinn’s sister.
AJ Hawk is also trailer trash
Don’t let the memories die!!!
Bring me back!!!!!
DON’T bring back the Moranboard. Please.
Sorry to see you go, Jack Snow. Your 1971 card has made me laugh many many many times.
I know why AJ Hawk is tapping Brady Quinn’s nightmare….I mean sister. He is drinking me……CONSTANTLY.
VIVA LE MORANBOARD!
Who is Dejon Foster? Is that some kind of sandwich condiment?
Do you even watch baseball? Bruce Sutter should have been in the Hall long agao, along with Gossage.
The fact the Eckersley is in the Hall is the real joke. But I guess the HOF needed a Gallagher look-a-like.
I am an assface. Eck had both 150 saves and career wins, and dominated as both a starter and reliever. Sutter had 8 good seasons, now that his sorry ass is in, everyone from Troy Percival to Billy Wagner has a case. Percival has 3 world series saves, I wonder how his kids will want him to go in? His numbers are better in some areas than Sutters, WHIP, k/9, era…you know unimportant things like that. 10 years from now there’s gonna be more closers than 2nd and 3rd baseman in the hall if Sutter is the measuring stick.
I like to hit de homruins for the Nachinals!
At least we are in agreement that you are an assface………
If Eckersley was so dominating as a starter, why did he become a closer? He throws 50 innings, gets 40 saves and is dominate? Sutter and Gossage throw 120 or mor innings a year, are called on in the 7th and 8th innings with runners on base to actually “save” a game and they suck?
How many times did Eckersley come into a game when there were runners on base as compared to how many times he started the 9th inning with no one on and a lead?
Sutter and Gossage, along with Fingers, changed the game. They were true closers . Guys today wouldn’t put up the same numbers if they threw 120 innings a year like those three did.
Blah blah blah blah… Sutter was “dominate” for a few seasons, big deal, so was Albert Belle. Putting Sutter in, especially before Goose, has lowered the standards for induction into the hall.
Just re reading this article after the Bears lost to the Panthers, betcha you’d pay a lot to retract it.