As you know, Desipio will be at the Cubs Convention Friday night and until mid-afternoon on Saturday. If you’re going to be there, look for the Hank White Fan Club t-shirts, and we’ll have a Fan Club meeting for Hank (he’ll be with us in absentia–huh?) Friday night at Kitty O’Sheas.
On Sunday, the Bears play their biggest playoff game since Da Coach limped up and down the sidelines chewing gum so hard you could hear him do it. Sure, Dave Wannstedt won a playoff game but then the Bears went to San Francisco and got humiliated. Dick Jauron’s team was rudely treated four years ago by the Eagles. This year, the Bears are in a harmonic convergence of sorts. Their defense isn’t just good…it’s a special, dominant, asskicking unit. The NFC is weaker than a two day old puppy. If all goes according to plan, the Bears will remind the Carolina Panthers that the only thing that’s changed since their November 20 meeting is that the Bears have an offense now. Then it’s off to Seattle next Sunday to play for the best 20th Anniversary present the Super Bowl XX champions could get. A trip to Super Bowl XL to see the new Bears duke it out (and probably get hammered) with an AFC team.
Walleye Ogunleye shook things up by telling the Panthers they get too much respect, and when you compare it to the respect the Bears get, Walleye has a point. Everybody talks about how the Panthers couldn’t run the ball that day but that Steve Smith went off (and he did with 14 catches and almost 170 yards). But what do you think is likely to happen again? Not only won’t the Panthers be able to run, but Smith won’t come close to 14 receptions, either.
The dominance of the Bears will be just as complete as it was on that cloudy Sunday when the Panthers only challenged the Bears end zone on one play all day.
Lovie Smith has taken some heat from a few of the less intelligent Bears’ fans about resting so many of his starters in the week 17 loss to the Vikings. We’ve been over this. It wasn’t just the right thing to do, it was the only smart thing to do.
Lovie has pointed out that on Sunday when the ball is kicked off it will be the first time since the first day of training camp that the Bears have their best 22 starters all healthy and playing at the same time. Mike Brown will be back. Rex Grossman will be there. The three headed running back is ready to go. Short of sending Mark Bradley to Benny Hinn for some phony faith healing and having him back this week, this is as good as it gets for the Bears. So I’d say Lovie’s got them as ready as they can be. Which is his job.
Maybe Dusty can stop by to visit him? Nah, with our luck more Dusty would rub off on Lovie than the other way around.
Getting Rex back was a big deal, but getting Bernard Berrian back has been almost as big. If nothing else, at least Bernard can catch a punt.
The Jockey’s not quite as beholden to Jim and Dusty as Kiley is.
Chris Singleton was almost as good in the outfield as Darrin Jackson. Now he’ll try to be almost as good as a broadcaster. Muahahahahahahahahaha!
Mariotti puts down the doughnut and when I first read the headline I thought it read “who’s the crappiest?” That’d be Jay.
Bug-eyed Ed Sherman tries to read the radio ratings book.
Bode Miller says he’s sorry he said he skiied wasted, not that he’s sorry he skiied wasted.
Who the hell is this guy? The Packers couldn’t do better than the mastermind behind that juggernaut Niners offense? Hee hee!
Deadspin with some great stuff on Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann interviewing Lynn Swann.
America’s finest news source breaks the news that John Madden was arrested for possesion of a turhumanheadducken.
This Dose needs to be sent to me.
Stop the madness.
mkiley@suntimes.com
Tell me what you think of my wonderfully-crafted piece, Desipiots.
After I see my mailbox max out by 3 PM, I’ll get the hint and stay away from the Convention, as showing up will only result in me getting cornered, berated, and then beaten up.
Yo dude, I can’t understand why my brother from another mother Lovie would play that kid Chris Harris ahead of Mike Green. Or why Nate Vasher plays ahead of Jerry Azumah. You win with veterans, dude.
Lovie don’t know what he he’s doing. Me? I’d have Jeff Blake starting. How can you trust a kid with only 7 career starts?
And a Benny Friedman don’t fall in your lap every day. What is he, a ten-year guy? He’s older than Tait, why ain’t he playing?
And cutting Bobby Wade was just dumb. You’ll see.
Lovie’s gonna learn the hard way. Kids will only break your heart.
I stretch the field too, bitches.
Somebody print 500 copies of this and just leave stacks of them lying around the convention this weekend.
It’s time for me.
Be civil this weekend, but make news.
Ahem
I finally get a break around here. I choked the pennant away from the Cubs in ’84, get hated by so many of you people, apparently get hooked on crack, get in and out of prison, sign Dave Smith and Danny F. Jackson to long-term deals, write a book, get Oprah all excited about it, have people realize it’s as much of a fraud as my general managing skills, but at least Dusty is a more hated field manager and Hendry a more hated GM than me.
Uh, Jim (not the crackhead)?
As much as I loathe Hendry right now, rest assured I hate you far more for what YOU did as GM.
I signed so that I could play under Dusty…
Yeah! Have some more $$$ to spend unwisely. Do you think someone will pay for that retard Ronnie Woo Woo to get in? I sure hope so, what a great tradition this is. Maybe I’ll get to shake Jody Davis’ hand. Do you think Ron Santo will be there this year? I hope he bitches about not being in the hall and then says that this year he can feel the Cubs going all the way. I’ll be just another love fest this year. No one with anything resembling a tough question will get their chance to ask it.
yeah, dusty sucks. but what would you rather have hendry do?
Allow him to be drawn and quartered at me.
#11 wrote: “No one with anything resembling a tough question will get their chance to ask it.”
Umm, how will they know?
“That guy looks shifty. He’s going to ask Hendry why he sat on his ass, put all of his donuts in Furcal’s basket and didn’t even explore Brian Giles. Let’s get him!”
Besides, we will be soundly mocked, booed and jeered when any of us pose our inane “We just think you’re wonderful” crap. You watch.
I hope so #14…I hope so. I’ll bet you Hendry is already coming up with bogus responses. He and McFail are probably already practicing dodging the tough ones. I can see it now, “Next question please, yes, the very large woman in the Wrigley Field hat and the Sosa jersey, what say you?”
Fat Woman: “I think you guys have done a great job, this is our year!” “I love my Cubbies”
Just wait for my hard hitting analysis.
Dusty will hit the bricks in 2006!
I always hate it when teams talk about “respect” as if it’s someway to get themselves motivated. That being said, if I’m not mistaken, the Panthers were the ones who were popping off after their loss at Soldier Field this season by making it sound like it was only two of their own mistakes that lost the game and basically looked down their noses at the Bears.
Resting the main components of the starting lineup was a good thing?
Yeah, for the most part, but it’s unconscionable that Sexy Rexy was left on the sidelines in a ball cap. The guy that has 6 quarters under his belt is exactly the guy that needed a 30-minute tune-up in Minnesota.
Resting Grossman was a miscalculation that was gross, man.
“To Dusty, the most valuable baseball skill you can have is a streak most consecutive days lived without dying.”
Yeah? And your point is…?
To: mkiley@suntimes.com
From: The Uncouth Sloth
Subject: Dear Mr. Kiley,
Please tell me today’s column was satirical. Otherwise, what part of “The Cubs underachieve and management is to blame” don’t you understand.
Sincerely,
The Uncouth Sloth
No. 19, do you really think 30 snaps against the Vikes would have made any difference this weekend?
This cannot be emphasized enough.
And number 11 is right,no one will ask any tough questions the convention.It will be a two day circle jerk with “believe” bracelets,car magnets,and probably people confusing Ronnie “WOO” for Juan Pierre.
P.S. f*ck Danny Jackson too 0_o
Good job on the dose today Andy!
This season is really going to be a big kick in the nuts! Thanks to Andy MacFail, he’ll sign those two stoogies to contract extensions and we’ll have the Most Stupid Three Stoogies anywhere.
Those three fuckups should all be dropped off in a dark downtown Gary, IN alley. I’d say that would be the last we’d hear of those worthless bastards.
But really, Mike Kiley is absolutely the dumbest son of a bitch that writes for a so called paper. How can you come up with such absurd mumbo jumbo? He should be fired for that article.
How can intelligent individual whether you are a Cubs fan or not, support what Hendry and Baker have done in there Chicago careers? It’s really a sad pathetic situation.
We all have to keep praying that God is playing one of his 100 year jokes on us and it will soon end.
Baker Basher
I agree with number (ow!) 19. He could have used the reps because (ahhh!) there’s really little chance he’ll get hurt like (Gahhh!) I did. He’s a big strong kid. Anybody seen my Vicodin?
For a reference point: My first favorite Cub player was Frankie Baumholtz. Today is the first time in a half a century, I sent a letter (e-mail) to a newspaper. Kiley’s article was the worst, most ignorant, illogical page of puss I’ve ever seen.
It just sucks that it had to be written, because it shows how god damned idiotic some of our Cub brethren can be. Not nearly as dumb as the one with the reigns, though.
I agree with williams’ suggestion for the Convention — print, copy, distribute. DO IT.
Baker Basher is me. I forgot how much I’d missed reading sentances like this one: “How can intelligent individual whether you are a Cubs fan or not, support what Hendry and Baker have done in there Chicago careers?”
Maybe the people going to moon the Bean at Millenium Park with Fooq on Friday can stop by the Hilton afterward and do the same to Dusty and hendry
I love the Cubs organization! Larry Rothschild said I could bring a bottle of whiskey me the day pitchers and catchers report. I’m gonna be half in the bag before 10 am!
Baker Basher,
Don’t blame me for this crap.I just tell Dusty where he should manage,Not how to manage.However,you can blame me for Jose Macias.I was feeling facetious.Sorry,my bad
Why the hell would anyone who knows baseball go to the stupid Cubs Convention? Save the money for candy.
I’m finna’ bust some heads, and break some faces. Bring me to see Jim Hendry. Shit.
Playing Rex in week 17 only does two things…. either he gets hurt and then we are stuck with Orton because God knows Lovie does not want Blake to look better than the big O. Or he throws the ball about 20 times, throws 3-4 INTs and shatters his confidence for the playoffs. It was better to leave him in cap chewing his gum.
Am I the only one who reads On-Hoops? Please update it more Andy, it’s a good site.
I for one will attend said Kool-Aid fest and plan to not lick any asses, for business nor pleasure.
Fan: Mr Hendry, first what a wonderful job you have done with the Cubs since you have taken over.
Hendry: thank you
fan: Remember when you came 5 outs from the world series in 2003
Hendry: yes
Fan: that was awesome!! (long silence)
MC: next question
#37, you neglected to add that the person asking the question was Steve Bartman
You guys are sooo cute. It doesn’t matter what the GM or manager’s name is. We DON’T GIVE A DAMN about winning. As long as you peasants keep scalping tickets from us and filling up those new seats, it’s all good. Later bitches.
Everything you say is correcto #39, but I think this crappy team will get old fast, and the old ballpark will not sell out. Of course the camera men will be under orders to never show the crowd, like the old days with Harry.
#40, the beer will be plentiful, so the stadium will be full. Why else would anyone go to a game?
Come on, you have to admit it’s a little bit funny.
Marriotti still has my e-mail blocked so he doesn’t have to be subjected to my punishing “Marrioti sucks” jihad.
Read my mailbag column, if you can get through it, and see my reason for not thinking Urlacher is a top MLB. I could not be a bigger idiot. Jeremiah Trotter? I’m kidding right?
To follow the Sloth’s trend:
Mr. Kiley,
Please tell me that yesterday’s column was a joke and that I missed the subtle satire. Otherwise, I’m entirely confused how you can figure that a manger that took the Cubs out of last season before it really began by closing with Hawkins and failing to use Rusch as a consistent starter, then failing to play the young and productive players can deserve an extension. The same can be said for Hendry, who, other than taking good players from teams that couldn’t afford them, has shown no proclivity to spend money or make a big signing when it matters. Instead, he seems content to continue feeding prospects to Florida, rather than keeping the prospects and spending a little more money. Where was Hendry on Furcal, Giles, Damon? Why was there even talk of Prior for Tejada?
It’s not as if you’re Steve Stone and your job requires you not to criticize the Cubs. If these are your thoughts, then I suppose the only good you can cause by contributing them to the public sphere is to produce their inevitable collision with truth, as JS Mill more or less put it. I just fear that the 2006 season will be that collision with truth, and that if your opinions are taken seriously by the execs in Tribune Tower, Dusty will be millions richer when his incompetence and inability to manage expose him for the quasi-racist, veteran-loving, mystical sham that he is. That’s to say nothing of Hendry’s ability to build on the ’03 team or even Fraudschild’s ability to coach the pitching staff.
-Cub Fan in PA
Hey #25, you can have some of mine; I got plenty more where that came from.
Until all Cub fans quit showing up at Wrigley, no one in that owner/management organization will make any true effort to produce a championship team on the field. Evidenced by the fact that there is even consideration being given to keeping Hendry and Baker around. Same shit, different day.
You not only need to play like champs, you need to think and act like one as well.
Fuck you Ghost of Cap Anson.
I am a money player. Big Game Shaun, baby!
Just like usual, we are one soft football team.
I’M HERE!
LOOKIN’ AT YA
Wheeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!! Go Cubbies!!!!!! Just bleedin Cubbie Blue!!!!!!! Believe bracelets for all, $50 Moonlight Graham Wrigley Field shirts for some!!!!!!! I love you Dusty!!!!!!!!
Well, we guess that answers the question about us being for real. 2001 all over again.
Being injured alot is fun.
Can I shut up now?
We KNOW who the #1 defense is…and it sure as shit ain’t us.
We came up big today. Run the ball and blitz Delhomme? Why would we do that?
The beer vendor just blew by me in the parking lot……
Hire me as a head coach someone, can’t you tell I’m ready?
Bah. We’re tired.
We warned you Bears fans. Enjoy Lovie, ha ha ha ha.
Now that football is done, I can take my mad hops to the Bulls…..or knock up another girl.
Panthers 29, Bears 21.
How do I feel?
Will there be a recap of me today? With more pictures of Sharon “The Bull” Panozzo even?
I was the shit last year and this year. That fucking Smith guys blows my doors off because I didn’t get any help from the safety. Cover 2 baby… where was my #2? Probably taking a #2 on the sideline. Who do we blame for Nick Goins running all over us?
Not to mention every time I was running on the dirt road and tripped Mr. Smith would help me by shoving me to the ground.
Uhhh, #65 (and #66)?
We also blew your doors off, you delusional fuckwad. You’ve been living off that Randy Moss pick from 2003 for too long. Given an opportunity to make the same play against a smaller receiver in a much more important game, you instead come up snake eyes.
Go fuck yerself, chump.
But…I talk a good game. Doesn’t that have anything to do with it? Wait a minute, are you saying I actually have to have talent, not just a reputation built on one play?
Great dose today….I guess nothing was going on this past weekend….Cbs, Illini, Bears. Well played…again.
So wait… are you saying I suck? Wow my feelings are hurt. See how many INTs I get for this team next year. A lot less than this year I will tell you that… HA!
According to my speculation on WSCR, the Cubs will extend Jim Hendry, but wait and see how things go in ’06 before they decide on extending Dusty.
Remember when Andy used to write stuff? That was cool, wasn’t it? Well, he’s not getting another penny out of me, I’m cancelling my subscription to Desipio.
Oh, wait…
Haha, I’m not dinsgruntled at all, of course. I am, however, dylsexic, it seems.
I sold my soul to Santa.
I lie awake all night, wondering if there really is a Dog.
I lie awake all night, wondering why Ytsud keept playing Saicam Esoj, Htrowsdsdnalloh DdoT and Sirrah Ynnel all the time.
Sit on a potato pan otis.
Like:
A man, a plan a canal–Panama.
I should be called weekly dose now.
Let’s just say that between Andy’s coverage of the weekend and mine… I win.
Get to work, assholes. At least I’VE been updated.
There was a lot going on this weekend. Hold on to your fucking pants, you goddamn ingrates.
With respect to your comment in 80, Andy gets to cover someone next week, so I think he wins.