The Cubs Convention was almost surreal this year. I was there for less than 24 hours, found Dusty Baker to make much more sense than Jim Hendry and save for a Tom Shaer sighting and Carlos Zambrano calling Craig Biggio a “midget” nothing happened.
The strangest part of the “weekend” was Dusty making so much sense. Now both you and I know that what he says and what he does are seldom in the same room, so take it with a grain of salt. But he was asked several times who his second baseman would be and every time he said it’d be Todd Walker.
He was asked how much Matt Murton and Ronny Cedeno would play and he said that both of them would start.
The only person to laud Neifi Perez and his 2005 season was Jim Hendry, not Dusty.
Maybe Dusty knew that all he had to do was say what we wanted to hear and people would focus their anger at Hendry. If so, his strategy worked for the most part.
This was not the happy-shiny Cubs Convention that we’d been to in years past. The fans were pissed off and not afraid to let Hendry or Dusty know it. That was refreshing.
There was, of course, the strange over emotional reaction to Mark Prior’s appearance. Hey, I like the guy and didn’t want him traded either, but the standing “o” he got was a little excessive.
Hendry’s defense of his Jock Jones signing was typical. He was routinely asked why he’d sign a 30 year old with declining numbers. His answer was that after trading for Juan Pierre he didn’t want to further deplete the minor league system in a trade for a right fielder. Great. The Rafael Furcal fiasco continues to bite the Cubs in the ass.
There’s no doubt that not signing Furcal put the Cubs in a desperate position in trying to trade for Pierre. There’s no doubt that the Cubs gave up more for Juan than they would have had to if Florida didn’t know they had them over a barrel. So now there’s no question that the same barrel ended up costing them any chance at going after a better right fielder than Jock. (Of which there are thousands.)
One thing that stood out was how big Matt Murton has gotten. I don’t know if he thinks he’s Mark McGwire, but he’s noticably bigger than he was last year. This would be just like the Cubs to convince a good all-around hitter to add a lot of muscle so he can stop lining singles to right and left and end up flying out to the warning track. That’d be great. He hit seven homers last year in 140 at bats. A homer every 20 at bats? That’ll work. That projects to 30 over a full season. Do we really need him trying to look like a redheaded Pete Incaviglia?
As for the Shaer story (Sloth wrote about this yesterday). I was waiting outside Kitty O’Sheas before the SportsCentral live remote on Friday night. Around the corner from the bar is a shoe shine place. There were literally hundreds of people milling around in the hall and one jackass sitting up in a chair getting his shoes shined. I gave him a quick glance and mockingly shook my head at him. Then I looked again and saw that it was Shaer.
He might as well have been wearing a big, f#$%ing sign that said “Look at me!” He’s up there in the chair reading the paper and getting his $14 shoes shined. At one point the guy giving him the shine asked him “do you want me to buff the velcro?” OK, he didn’t really do that.
Anyway, I’m standing not 10 feet from Shaer when he finishes up with the shine. Tom just sits there, reading the paper. The guy giving the shine gets off at seven. It’s just a minute or two before seven and Tom is just sitting there reading the paper. Finally he gets down from the chair and keeps reading the paper. The guy tells him, “That’ll be six dollars.” Tom keeps reading the paper.
I can’t stop watching this now, it’s just too absurd. Minutes go by, as do hundreds more people. Tom is still reading the paper. He’s just standing right in front of this guy reading the paper. The guy is packing up his stuff and just looking at Tom like, “Hey dumbass, pay me and go.”
Finally, Tom puts down the paper, asks him how much it was (the guy had told him like ten times that it was six bucks). He reaches into his wallet and says…I’m not making this up.
“Can you break $100?”
Tom probably has $108 to his name and most of it is wrapped up in one bill? What a prick. The guy tells him he can’t break the $100. So Tom goes into the gift shop to see if they can.
All the while, I’m convinced this is a ruse designed to get Tom a free shoe shine. Finally, he comes out of the gift shop with news of where he can go to break his $100.
Later on as I’m loudly telling this story to the Sloth we look over and there’s Tom. Standing there, trying to look famous and hoping someone will buy him a drink.
The Hank White Fan Club meeting went off without a hitch. TJ Brown and his Powderpuff Posse also stopped by.
On Saturday, I made the most exciting purchase of my relatively young lifetime. For $5 I bought the actual nameplate that hung over Hank’s locker for the first half of last season. Somebody else must have beaten me to the one with 24 on it. But I have the nine. Now all we need is for Hank to stop by to sign it.
Len Kasper was not there for the Fan Club meeting. He elected to take his wife out to dinner instead. I would have thought he could have made it up to us with some Desipio.com plugs during his rousing hour with the electric Cubs’ coaching staff. No such luck.
As I told Andy and Sloth, Tom Shaer and Chuck are in select company, each serving as school board members in my district. Shaer is/was on the high school district, so the two never clashed in a board meeting.
Did I get any love at the Cubs Convention? For old times sake, you know.
I’m real clever. Like the headline to the latest blog posting? “The Smiths, By Morrissey.” This shows that while I’m aging and boring to read, I’m hip just like all you kids. I bet Kelly Dwyer couldn’t come up with that kind of word-play.
I don’t know Ed, but I was trying for all the Cub love I could get. Unfortunately, no lady wanted to hear about my exploits at Prospect High School in 1967.
Isn’t Fat Lance Canadian?
Look at Murton ride that mechanical bull! Wheeeeee!
“Um, Carlos, can you, um, talk to this guy? I, um, have to move my car… it’s double-parked.. I have to ask Hendry if I’ve been traded yet… I’ve got dinner reservations in 15 minutes… I have to go kick Jim Edmonds’ ass for you.”
Pure hilarity. What a boner.
I will confess my ignorance. I don’t know who Tom Shaer is (was). Is that a good thing not to know?
Tom Shaer (1997): Look alive! (Even though he was on radio)
Tom Shaer (2007): Streetwise!
I’m from Texas. Born in Waco, played at Rice U.
Tom Shaer was a sports anchor on Channel 5 for several years, well known for a few things: 1) his indestructable hair, 2) his pompousity and absolute lack of hipness, 3) lying about his age, and 4) not always having the facts straight. Soon afterwards, he gave all that up for sports radio (smooth move, Ex Lax) and he doesn’t even have that anymore.
Looks like Matt Murton wants to audition for Brokeback Mountain Part 2…..
Might I add, Sloth?…
Back when the SCORE first aired (Jan. ’92), it was very refreshing. Guys who have since grown WAY too big for their britches–namely Mike Murphy and the 800 lb. gorilla himself Mike North– were great to listen to because they were regular guys. This is before North hit 1,000 free lunches and a 7 figure salary, of course.
Anyway, the SCORE felt the need to balance this proletariat lineup by including one seasoned broadcaster. And they could not get a more irregular guy than the dolt Tom Shaer. His morning show was horrible. He told callers to “look alive!’ even though, as I noted above, he was on radio. His regular bits were exercises in utter banality– the “24-second shot clock” where callers could take a swipe at whomever they pleased. Not wanting to be known as nasty, evidently, Shaer also had his “schmooze patrol” which may have been the worst regular bit in the history of human beings. Callers would phone in and actually do the opposite of the “shot clock” and kiss someone’s ass. Who the hell wants to listen to that?
Anyway, it was the biggest dorkfest in Chicago radio history. That’s saying a lot in a town that also boasts “Eric and Kathy”. As bad as the SCORE is today, as guys like North and Murphy have become mockeries of themselves and have clearly lost their cachet as “regular guys” (Murph not so much as North), it’s easy to forget how bad it was with Tom Shaer.
That story is gold, Andy, but I need closure. Did he get away without paying for the shoeshine, or what? Inquiring minds want to know.
Grossman was lousy for 3 quarters of the game. His numbers were lousy and he played lousy when the game was on the line.
Bill Simmons, I’m coming after you!
http://deadspin.com/sports/espn/isiah-thomas-bill-simmons-quien-es-mas-macho-149091.php
I saw this comin’, my guy Orton was the Bears MVP and they sank like a ton of bricks without him in the playoffs.
Shaer is ex of the 225 board. He and I have only clashed in the checkout line at Costco.
I did once check out a house that was for sale in Deerfield. While I was touring the home, so was Mike Lederman.
Never saw Greg Gumble or Mike Adamle. Chet Coppock and his fur are spotted occasionally in Glenview.
That’s about it for WMAQ sports anchors.
Unless you include TJ trying to get Giangreco to host the charity golf outing we’re working on next fall…
You know, if we’d gotten Furcal, we probably could have had Pierre for used jockstraps.
When I was in high school I worked at the Wheaton Men’s Wearhouse. This turd with crooked teeth and an outfit that was almost a disguise (hat pulled down over his face, sunglasses always on) used to come in right when we opened and would only shop with a woman. I made a point to ring up his purchase one day, and the name on his credit card was none other than Howard Sudberry! He stayed away from having a man help him, because, he told my manager, he didn’t want to talk sports with “some guy”. Anyway, after we discovered we had a major celebrity in our midst, he clearly couldn’t shop there anymore. It’s not the Shaer story, but it’s all I got.
Chuck,
I was thinking of getting Jon Kelley to return to Chicago to emcee the event.
We have our first names on our jerseys so you can tell us apart.
If I say “inside information” in that stupid voice one more time, I need to be kicked in the throat.
Todd and Tank, you can put that on your jerseys (respectively) too so we can tell you apart.
great line, andy;
“But on a day when the unthinkable happened routinely, it’d been nice if the inexcusable hadn’t.”
I am so relieved to find out that Tom Shaer is not someone important like the Secretary of State or a Supreme Court nominee or my congressman.
Word Up. As in Cameo.
I once called the Celtics Dee Brown “Reggie Lewis” on a telecast, well after Lewis had died. I’m a dumbass.
Without a good bunch of me, Jon Kelley is El Retardo. At NBC-5, he made Mike Adamle’s oratorial skills seem like Mario Cuomo’s. Once he went national, he wasn’t so bad, once a team of slick producers was able to prop his inarticulate ass up.
So are you trying to tell me that he’d make a lousy auctioneer?
Can I really do whatever I want during Spring Training?
Yes.
I can’t stand the Smiths. Johnny Marr played some pretty cool guitars, though …
I resent the inference that I’m Dumbass Du Jour. You guys gave all the credit for the defense to Lovie, now he can take all of your blame. Rivera out.
We have no pride at all. George Knue looks down on Desipio, but methinks he stole a commenter’s idea to caption Matt Murton’s mechanical bull photo.
We suck.
Oh they better not do that to my photo! The Tribune company is PLAIGIRIZING!
You’re right 35, we suck as a whole. Just pathetic.
I am one annoying, sassy, classless bitch. I should learn to shut my mouth. I didn’t get near what I deserved and my hubby should be suspended for 20 games, stripped of his Players Association title, and fined $100,000.
1…2…3.. “WE’RE HAPPY FOR YOU”!!!!
I have officially become a train wreck. It’s a shame I suck so badly now.
you guys realize I was beaten by “the best play maker in football”, according to Urlacher. I would like to see any of you try to cover Smith while I was on my ass eating dirt. Besides, Andy was right, my mind was on something else, another one of my hoe’s told me the night before that she was pregnant. So now I will have 8 little bastard mouths to feed!
we will not win a playoff game either.
If you don’t like recent vintage, you can always fall back on the brilliance of the Sox Train Wreck thread and ask Mike D if he’s moved into the trailer as vowed.
Good times.
Aww fuck I did say that, didn’t I? Boy, is my wife gonna be pissed.
Thanks, EF.
Guess we blew our load on you guys.
I’m back, bee-yotches!
Michael who?
Kobe scored more in the second half than we scored the entire game. Man we suck, thank God we have Kobe. Too bad this great year for Kobe will go all for not as we will be lucky if we last through the first round of the playoffs.