Yesterday, the US announced their preliminary roster for the World Baseball Classic. Two Cubs are on the US team. Derrek Lee and Michael Barrett. There are six catchers on the US team, and even though Buck Martinez is the manager, you can safely assume they won’t carry six. If Barrett makes the team, the Cubs will be catcherless during the WBC, because Hank is a shoe-in on the Venezuelan team. I mean, how could they go any other way?
The US team has a formidable roster, of course. The starting lineup is likely to be:
Outfielders: Ken Griffey Jr., Johnny Damon, Fat Lance
Infielders: Derrek Lee, Chipper Jones, Derek Jeter and Chase Utley or Michael Young
Catcher: Jason Varitek
DH: Barry Bonds
But check out the freakin’ Dominicans:
Outfielders: Manny Ramirez, Vlad Guerrero, Wily Mo Pena
Infielders: Albert Pujols, Alfonso Soriano, Miguel Tejada, Adrian Beltre
Catcher: Alberto Castillo (hey, they can’t all be winners)
DH: Big Papi
Ouch.
Where the US had an edge is with pitching. They have like 14 closers on the roster. You don’t even need a starter. Just line up nine closers and you’re all set.
As of now, Cubs’ closer Ryan Dempster isn’t on the Canadian squad. But Zambrano and Hank are on the Venezuelan roster and Neifi is on the DR’s roster. Besides, you know that Panama will be a tough out, what with former Cub (that just feels good to write) Jose Macias on the squad.
The Bulls are…how to say this…not very good.
The Jockey came away with five things from the Convention. One of them was a cute little Cubs blue and white silk he can wear on game day. The Kerry Wood to the bullpen thing should not really be taken all that seriously yet. You would have to consider his recovery from surgery to be a failure if he’s limited to one inning at a time.
Gee what a great idea, let’s give Rick Morrissey a blog! Because we need to read more, shorter stuff from him. Genius, I tell you.
If Illinois plays at Indiana tonight like they did in their first Big Ten road game, let’s just say even Mike Davis’ ineptitude won’t save them.
Mike Kiley with a half-assed look at the Cubs who have filed for arbitration. If he thinks Juan Pierre wouldn’t break the bank in arbitration because he had an “off year” well he’s dumb enough to be…Mike Kiley. Never mind.
Kelly Dwyer says the Jazz and Grizz are not pretty. I find that to be completely wrong. Who is better looking in the NBA than Milt Palacio?
I suffered through a summer of listening to Phil Wood on XM 175 and thankfully he’s gone (for now anyway). Instead he now comes in just as ludicrous printed form. Today, he defends the Nats attempt to sign Sammy Sosa. Can you honestly think of a worse park for Sammy to play in than RFK?
Teddy G. says that Albert Belle should never be in the Hall of Fame because he was mean…to Teddy G. If I had a Hall vote, I’d vote for that surly bastard every time. For ten years he was one of the best hitters in baseball and for eight of those he was if not the best, then right there. Teddy lists Albert’s failings and yes, he was an asshole. But one thing you can’t put on the list as a bad thing was the day he forearm shivered Fernando Vina into center field. He should go in the Hall for that alone.
Jerome Bettis nearly killed a very fat Steelers’ fan with his fumble on Sunday.
America’s finest news source says that once again Antonio Alfonseca led baseball in fingers.
As I told Andy and Sloth, Tom Shaer and Chuck are in select company, each serving as school board members in my district. Shaer is/was on the high school district, so the two never clashed in a board meeting.
Did I get any love at the Cubs Convention? For old times sake, you know.
I’m real clever. Like the headline to the latest blog posting? “The Smiths, By Morrissey.” This shows that while I’m aging and boring to read, I’m hip just like all you kids. I bet Kelly Dwyer couldn’t come up with that kind of word-play.
I don’t know Ed, but I was trying for all the Cub love I could get. Unfortunately, no lady wanted to hear about my exploits at Prospect High School in 1967.
Isn’t Fat Lance Canadian?
Look at Murton ride that mechanical bull! Wheeeeee!
“Um, Carlos, can you, um, talk to this guy? I, um, have to move my car… it’s double-parked.. I have to ask Hendry if I’ve been traded yet… I’ve got dinner reservations in 15 minutes… I have to go kick Jim Edmonds’ ass for you.”
Pure hilarity. What a boner.
I will confess my ignorance. I don’t know who Tom Shaer is (was). Is that a good thing not to know?
Tom Shaer (1997): Look alive! (Even though he was on radio)
Tom Shaer (2007): Streetwise!
I’m from Texas. Born in Waco, played at Rice U.
Tom Shaer was a sports anchor on Channel 5 for several years, well known for a few things: 1) his indestructable hair, 2) his pompousity and absolute lack of hipness, 3) lying about his age, and 4) not always having the facts straight. Soon afterwards, he gave all that up for sports radio (smooth move, Ex Lax) and he doesn’t even have that anymore.
Looks like Matt Murton wants to audition for Brokeback Mountain Part 2…..
Might I add, Sloth?…
Back when the SCORE first aired (Jan. ’92), it was very refreshing. Guys who have since grown WAY too big for their britches–namely Mike Murphy and the 800 lb. gorilla himself Mike North– were great to listen to because they were regular guys. This is before North hit 1,000 free lunches and a 7 figure salary, of course.
Anyway, the SCORE felt the need to balance this proletariat lineup by including one seasoned broadcaster. And they could not get a more irregular guy than the dolt Tom Shaer. His morning show was horrible. He told callers to “look alive!’ even though, as I noted above, he was on radio. His regular bits were exercises in utter banality– the “24-second shot clock” where callers could take a swipe at whomever they pleased. Not wanting to be known as nasty, evidently, Shaer also had his “schmooze patrol” which may have been the worst regular bit in the history of human beings. Callers would phone in and actually do the opposite of the “shot clock” and kiss someone’s ass. Who the hell wants to listen to that?
Anyway, it was the biggest dorkfest in Chicago radio history. That’s saying a lot in a town that also boasts “Eric and Kathy”. As bad as the SCORE is today, as guys like North and Murphy have become mockeries of themselves and have clearly lost their cachet as “regular guys” (Murph not so much as North), it’s easy to forget how bad it was with Tom Shaer.
That story is gold, Andy, but I need closure. Did he get away without paying for the shoeshine, or what? Inquiring minds want to know.
Grossman was lousy for 3 quarters of the game. His numbers were lousy and he played lousy when the game was on the line.
Bill Simmons, I’m coming after you!
http://deadspin.com/sports/espn/isiah-thomas-bill-simmons-quien-es-mas-macho-149091.php
I saw this comin’, my guy Orton was the Bears MVP and they sank like a ton of bricks without him in the playoffs.
Shaer is ex of the 225 board. He and I have only clashed in the checkout line at Costco.
I did once check out a house that was for sale in Deerfield. While I was touring the home, so was Mike Lederman.
Never saw Greg Gumble or Mike Adamle. Chet Coppock and his fur are spotted occasionally in Glenview.
That’s about it for WMAQ sports anchors.
Unless you include TJ trying to get Giangreco to host the charity golf outing we’re working on next fall…
You know, if we’d gotten Furcal, we probably could have had Pierre for used jockstraps.
When I was in high school I worked at the Wheaton Men’s Wearhouse. This turd with crooked teeth and an outfit that was almost a disguise (hat pulled down over his face, sunglasses always on) used to come in right when we opened and would only shop with a woman. I made a point to ring up his purchase one day, and the name on his credit card was none other than Howard Sudberry! He stayed away from having a man help him, because, he told my manager, he didn’t want to talk sports with “some guy”. Anyway, after we discovered we had a major celebrity in our midst, he clearly couldn’t shop there anymore. It’s not the Shaer story, but it’s all I got.
Chuck,
I was thinking of getting Jon Kelley to return to Chicago to emcee the event.
We have our first names on our jerseys so you can tell us apart.
If I say “inside information” in that stupid voice one more time, I need to be kicked in the throat.
Todd and Tank, you can put that on your jerseys (respectively) too so we can tell you apart.
great line, andy;
“But on a day when the unthinkable happened routinely, it’d been nice if the inexcusable hadn’t.”
I am so relieved to find out that Tom Shaer is not someone important like the Secretary of State or a Supreme Court nominee or my congressman.
Word Up. As in Cameo.
I once called the Celtics Dee Brown “Reggie Lewis” on a telecast, well after Lewis had died. I’m a dumbass.
Without a good bunch of me, Jon Kelley is El Retardo. At NBC-5, he made Mike Adamle’s oratorial skills seem like Mario Cuomo’s. Once he went national, he wasn’t so bad, once a team of slick producers was able to prop his inarticulate ass up.
So are you trying to tell me that he’d make a lousy auctioneer?
Can I really do whatever I want during Spring Training?
Yes.
I can’t stand the Smiths. Johnny Marr played some pretty cool guitars, though …
I resent the inference that I’m Dumbass Du Jour. You guys gave all the credit for the defense to Lovie, now he can take all of your blame. Rivera out.
We have no pride at all. George Knue looks down on Desipio, but methinks he stole a commenter’s idea to caption Matt Murton’s mechanical bull photo.
We suck.
Oh they better not do that to my photo! The Tribune company is PLAIGIRIZING!
You’re right 35, we suck as a whole. Just pathetic.
I am one annoying, sassy, classless bitch. I should learn to shut my mouth. I didn’t get near what I deserved and my hubby should be suspended for 20 games, stripped of his Players Association title, and fined $100,000.
1…2…3.. “WE’RE HAPPY FOR YOU”!!!!
I have officially become a train wreck. It’s a shame I suck so badly now.
you guys realize I was beaten by “the best play maker in football”, according to Urlacher. I would like to see any of you try to cover Smith while I was on my ass eating dirt. Besides, Andy was right, my mind was on something else, another one of my hoe’s told me the night before that she was pregnant. So now I will have 8 little bastard mouths to feed!
we will not win a playoff game either.
If you don’t like recent vintage, you can always fall back on the brilliance of the Sox Train Wreck thread and ask Mike D if he’s moved into the trailer as vowed.
Good times.
Aww fuck I did say that, didn’t I? Boy, is my wife gonna be pissed.
Thanks, EF.
Guess we blew our load on you guys.
I’m back, bee-yotches!
Michael who?
Kobe scored more in the second half than we scored the entire game. Man we suck, thank God we have Kobe. Too bad this great year for Kobe will go all for not as we will be lucky if we last through the first round of the playoffs.