At 1 p.m. on Saturday, February 22 as promised–even though nobody asked for it–the Cubs launched their team owned (mostly) and operated TV network. They’ve been supposedly planning for this network for nine years and have been dreaming about it even longer, and let’s just say that the first day and a half didn’t reflect years of careful planning and execution.
Let’s take a long look at the first 29 hours or so of the new omnipresent network, at least for the lucky few of us who can actually see it.
Marquee Debut 1:00 p.m. – 2:00 p.m.
The first show on the brand new network is designed to be a breezy tour around Cubs’ camp highlighting some of the people and shows we’re going to be stuck with.
1:00 – Bill Murray stumbles out of a taxi in Chicago and introduces the network by being completely ambivalent about its name. He also somehow pronounces Mark DeRosa incorrectly.
1:01 – Ryan Dempster and Cole Wright live on tape from a sunny day, so we know it’s not live, and it’s just another reminder of how much they’re going to force Dempster down our throats.
1:03 – Len Kasper says to Jim Deshaies, “JD, we’ll be on every day this spring.” And JD tries not to cry. Why would they possibly think it’s a good idea to broadcast every spring training game? Well, as we’ll see, they don’t have a whole lot of content, so they kind of have to.
1:04 – Cole Wright with a taped piece on what the network is going to be. We learn that Travis Wood is going to be an analyst, so at least they’ll save on the shirt budget.
1:07 – Dempster in full Cubs’ gear “interviewing” Theo Epstein and asking really insightful questions like, “How excited have you been–I know, offseason wise, relatively slow on a (makes air quotes with his fingers) ‘transaction-type front’ but then some of the best moves are the ones you don’t make. You look at the core group of guys and it’s a really, really good baseball team.” Glad to have a savvy journalist like Dempster asking and answering his own insipid questions.
Nice of the Cubs’ PR team to not tell Theo to take off his sunglasses during interviews. Always makes you look really truthful.
Theo on Ross: “His voice really resonates.” Yeah, so does that weird thing where he laughs extra loud and tries to talk through it.
1:10 – Theo talks “pitching lab!”
1:12 – First commercial – Marquee commercial about their Ernie Banks documentary coming up at 4:30 pm.
1:13 – First actual paid commercial, is for BlueCross Blue Shield of Illinois. Given the amount of injuries the Cubs had last year, that seems prudent.
1:15 – Now they’re doing a tribute to the Cubs on WGN-TV, for some reason. It of course includes the only highlight of Ernie Banks we’ve ever seen, his 500th career homer. They should have really paid tribute to WGN by being halfway through it when they finally came back from commercial.
1:16 – Dempster does his insulting Will Ferrell impression of Harry Caray. It’s not funny, it’s not cute and for a network that is using Harry’s voice liberally in their promos you’d think they show the guy some actual respect and not let some cloying clown make everybody really uncomfortable with a terrible impression. But the odds that we’ll never see it again are non existent. Somewhere, Crane Kenney must think this is hilarious.
1:18 – A Javy feature recorded at the Cubs Convention includes an awkward conversation (is there any other kind?) with Ryne Sandberg and then Javy saying to the camera, “Hall of Famer Ryan Sandberg.”
1:20 – Javy says that until they won the World Series he didn’t know that the Cubs hadn’t won in 108 years. I completely believe this. The team that finally ended that ludicrous drought was the team that paid almost no attention to it.
By the way, I love that Javy signs autographs lefthanded.
1:25 – Monster Jam Triple Threat Series commercial! At Allstate Arena for five shows Feb. 28 – March 1. This commercial will end up airing more than any other during the first 24 hours. Just the kind of quality elite advertising the Cubs have been hoping for.
1:26 – Dempster gets a tour of the spring training complex by “Rossy.” Why not get tour from a Hohokam Indian that the team blackmailed to get them to pay for it?
1:31 – A very sunburned Mark Grace is talking first base play with Anthony Rizzo. This is actually the first cool thing so far. Rizzo: “I’m not fast.” Grace: “You’re faster than you get credit for.” No, no he’s not.
1:39 – Cole Wright interviews our large adult son. Schwarber looks ridiculous with his workout shirt tucked into his shorts. Every Marquee interview ends with an awkward bro hug.
1:41 – Rick Sutcliffe is interviewing Kyle Hendricks while Kyle throws in the outfield. Sutcliffe is standing about 15 feet away from him for some reason and yelling his questions. This is the energy of that interview:
1:43 – Sutcliffe is talking to a whispering (for some reason) Tommy Hottovy and Tommy works in an obligatory “pitch lab” plug. Hottovy is explaining something one of the fancy pitching cameras caught on a Hendricks pitch and Kyle is using his biggest “whatever” face while listening to him.
1:45 – Sutcliffe thanks Hendricks “officially” for pitching the Cubs into the World Series and for “winning” game seven, to which Hendricks responds by slamming down his glove and screaming, “Fuck Joe Maddon! I could have gone at least seven that night!” OK, maybe the last part didn’t happen.
1:52 – Another Dempster “interview” this time he’s playing catch with Jon Lester. At least Lester’s gruffness is cutting down on Dempster’s monologuing.
Lester’s such a good interview even Dempster couldn’t screw it up. Nice moment when Jon says, “I just want to be relied upon. I don’t want, ‘just stand over here we’ll see you every five days.'” So basically, Jon wants to pinch bunt more often. This interview pointedly does not end with a bro hug.
1:59 – The first show ends with some awkward applause behind Dempster and Wright. I can only imagine the humiliated Marquee interns who had to hold up applause signs for that.
Cubs Countdown 2 pm – 3 pm
Here’s a show featuring the top ten games in Cubs history. It’s impossible to screw up.
OK, it turns out that maybe it’s not impossible.
Here they are:
10. – First night game August 8 AND 9, 1988
This is absolutely not a top 10 game, it’s more of a testament to how bass ackwards the Cubs franchise was for more than 40 years by not putting up lights. The interviews from that night of the first game include “star” Cubs outfielder Mitch Webster saying he’s excited. Well, then it was worth it.
We all remember the rainout on August 8, and the Lenny Dykstra homer on August 9 and then the terrible Mets’ outfield play that included Kevin McReynolds falling down to turn a flyball into a double, and Lenny flat out dropping a flyball. But did you remember that Vance Law made a tarp catch in the ninth and Vin Scully compared him to Toulouse-Latrec for some reason? It was a legit great play by Vance, so Anthony Rizzo can suck it.
9 – Kerry Wood 20 strikeout game
Here’s where I had (false) hope for this list. There was a time not that long ago where this game could very well have been number on this list. So I thought maybe it was a sign that the other eight games would be really great ones. How foolish I would turn out to be.
Anyway, this was a legitimate all-timer, though those of us in the know call it, “The Sandy Martinez Game.”
The best part of the game was Wood’s postgame interview where he was absolutely trembling. The only time he looked like he was a 20 year old was while shaking in sheer terror at Steve Stone’s gentle questioning.
8 – Ernie Banks 500th homer
For those of us who never saw him play, these are the only highlights we’ve ever seen of him, which is sad. I hope that their documentary later today ends that, but for all I know they’ll have kids recreating his highlights like in the Biogenesis documentary.
7 – Cubs win game five of the 2016 World Series
This, to me, is the long-lost great game of that series. Obviously game seven dwarfs them all, but game five was all Jon Lester and his big balls, Kris Bryant’s homer, and an amazing eight-out save by Aroldis Chapman. It’s also a great David Ross game. His sac fly scored the eventual winning run and he caught Lindor stealing in the sixth just when things were starting to swing back to the Indians.
6 – Cubs lose to the Phillies 23-22
Oh, for fuck’s sake. The Cubs never led in this game. It’s not a great game, it’s a fucking novelty. The only reason it’s become part of Cubs’ lore is because it fell in the forty-plus year stretch when nothing good ever happened to them.
5 – Cubs beat the Cardinals in game four of the 2015 NLDS
You bet your ass. Joe yanking Hammel in the third. Javy making John Lackey’s head explode. Soler throwing Tony Cruz out at home. Rizzo’s second homer in as many days off of Siegrist and then, the coup de grace. Schwarber’s homer to the moon.
And, it ends with one of Pat Hughes’ greatest calls ever.
4 – “The Sandberg Game”
I was almost there. I was 11 years old and we had just left that day for a family vacation that would take us to Gettysburgh, Washington DC and the Pro Football Hall of Fame, but the timing was right and we stopped to see if we could get tickets on our way through town. Getting Cubs’ tickets hadn’t been too tough in many years, but on this day, on such short notice for a suddenly frisky Cubs team and their arch rivals it was standing room or nothing. My mom didn’t much like the idea of standing around for three hours (it would have been more like four hours it turns out) so we grabbed lunch at the McDonald’s across the street and headed east. Thankfully, WGN Radio was more than strong enough to carry us the whole way, and the broadcast with Harry, Vince Lloyd, Lou Boudreau and a drop in by Milo Hamilton was more than up to the task. 1984 was still vintage, Hall of Fame Harry and as the game turned from an early turd into a Cubs’ comeback and then it’s epic final three innings, Harry was more than up to the task.
But all Sandberg did was tie the game twice (and get five hits), I think we should all rightfully call it the “Dave Owen Game.”
3 – Game six of the 2016 NLCS
The game we all waited our entire lives for, and Kyle Hendricks, and some early offense made it a strangely comfortable experience.
And the homer Rizzo hit off of Clayton Kershaw broke Clayton’s spirit…forever. Just watch Kershaw’s reaction at the end:
2 – The Bartman Game, Game Six, 2003 NLCS
Fuck off.
No.
Just no.
I guess this list was compiled as a fan vote on MLB Network, but Marquee’s FCC license should be revoked for showing it all, much less as the second show ever on their network. IT’s about 2:40 p.m. o the first day and this unnecessary cash grab of a network is already dead to me.
Why not just make game seven of that series number one and burn the whole thing down?
Fine, let’s go on.
1 – Needs no introduction.
It’s not just the greatest Cubs’ game of all-time. It’s one of the greatest World Series games of all time, and likely the greatest game seven in World Series history.
But I’ll never forgive whoever put this show together for the Bartman game being on the list, much less number two.
3 pm – 4 pm
The “best” of the 2020 Cubs Convention
If this show really was about the “best” of the Convention it would be four minutes long, not sixty.
The part where Javy was mic’d was fun, but only for the first few minutes. It dragged on and on. The only interesting part was when Rizzo asked if he was leaving that night and Javy said he was, and Rizzo said, “Did you fly on a PJ?” Which is cool rich guy talk for private jet, and Javy grinned and said yes.
Multi-millionaire baseball players, they’re just like you and me.
A seven year old asked Jason Heyward how to strengthen his arm and Jason told him to start playing long toss. “Get your dad, start out at about 60 feet and…” And then he realized that that kid couldn’t roll a ball 60 feet, much less thrhow it.
3:59 – Marquee runs ‘Breaking News’ on their crawl that David Ross will not manage the Cactus League opener because of flu like (i.e. pooping and throwing up) symptoms and bench coach Andy Green will manage instead. This news has been on Twitter for more than an hour. Hey, Marquee’s really taking full advantage of their access.
4 – 4:30 pm – Best of the Cubs’ YouTube Channel
Yes, stuff you can watch on your phone or laptop for free in an even more inconvenient form!
4:30 – 6 pm – More than Mr. Cub: The Life of Ernie Banks
A solid, occasionally really good documentary on the life of Cubs’ Hall of Fame shortstop/first baseman Ernie Banks. Highlights included Jeff Garlin saying he didn’t realize until he was nearly a teenager that he was rooting for a terrible baseball team. Michael Wilbon is also identified as a “Chicagoan” and in this instance it’s fine. Wilbon grew up on the south side, played in a little league sponsored by Ernie and became a Cubs’ fan largely because of how much he liked Ernie. But, we need to remember that Wilbon moved to Washington DC in 1980, and so if Marquee keeps bringing him back to weigh in on Cubs’ stuff from Dallas Green on, they really shouldn’t bother.
The other striking thing is that we constantly make fun of the fact that the only Ernie Banks highlight we ever see is his 500th career homer. There are as many highlights of the Mets’ black cat as there are one of the best players in baseball history?
Even in this 90 minute documentary there were very few other highlights of him. What the hell? Where are they? The guy played for 19 seasons and until 1971. It’s really weird. There are a few highlights of Ernie we’ve never seen of him, but one of them is him striking out against the Mets in 1969, one looks like it’s from an All-Star Game and two others are just partials, like Ernie hitting a ball and leaving the box and then that’s it. This whole thing is weird.
The first time any of the Rickettses appeared on the network was on this documentary. It was Tom Ricketts giving a eulogy. Seems fitting.
I’m very disappointed that they papered over one of the greatest controversies of Ernie’s life. When the Cubs forgot to put the apostrophe on Let’s Play Two on his Wrigley Field statue.
7 pm – Cacti League Baseball – Oakland A’s at Cubs
The opener is that great Billy Williams’ voiced over one they posted on social media earlier in the day.
A Network as Dedicated as You… It’s on! pic.twitter.com/5YpLSbIiYB
— Marquee Sports Network (@WatchMarquee) February 22, 2020
Len and JD appear on the screen and suddenly all is well. We really have missed these two. No matter what the rest of the network is like, as long as these guys are calling the actual games those, at least, will be just fine.
Len tells us that not only is Ross not at the game, but he was sent home from the facility because of his flu-like symptoms. I’m sure if it was a real game he’d manage it while shitting in a bucket like a real man.
I am struck by the number of in-house ads and repeat ads. It really seems like Marquee has a lot of unsold inventory, which is not a great thing, though maybe not a big deal this early. But one of the things their failure to get onboard with Comcast will impact is their ad sales. It’s simply not as attractive if 60 percent of Chicago can’t your ads. Could you have imagined that the first game would go by without a single commercial from Howard Ankin, Peter Francis Geraci or Jeff Vukovich? Honestly, the only truly “local” commercials we’ve seen so far are the monster truck ones.
The in-game score bug is…fine. I don’t understand Marquee’s obsession with a silver background. It’s just easier to read a dark background and white text on a TV screen. Centering it at the bottom is also an odd choice, but OK. They don’t have a pitch location indicator, which is probably not a surprise in Arizona, but some of the features they did have disappeared after the first inning. When the game started they had the pitcher’s name and pitch count displayed and then during the first inning those disappeared, never to return. They also don’t have a radar gun? Can’t they borrow one from Sheriff Joe Arpaio?
Marquee also can lose the part of the ticker where they run the Twitter handles of Marquee analysts. Nobody is going to manually type anybody’s Twitter handle in, especially not from seeing it on TV.
Kris Bryant is the new Cubs’ leadoff man and he strikes out to start the game. OF COURSE, WHAT A BUM!
But then in the second he comes up with men on second and third and two out. We were assured by geniuses like Harold Reynolds that nobody ever gets on in front of lead off men. So this must be a fluky spring thing, like dandelions. But Bryant singles in two runs. Weird. It’s like having your best player bat more often is a good thing?
One upset is that Marquee didn’t inundate us with a parade of clowns by bringing in their different analysts to clog the booth with Len and JD during the game. Maybe the time change of the game due to rain changed their plans, maybe they’re saving it for another day, or maybe it won’t be as bad as we’ve feared. I’m not holding my breath for the third option.
Tommy Hottovy puts on the headset, probably to fill in for the absent Ross, and drones on about their nerdy magic pitching cameras and stuff.
I spoke too soon. After Jed Hoyer sat in during the fourth, Mark Grace dropped by the booth for the fifth.
There’s nothing wrong with rolling the analysts through during these spring games. It’s a thankless chore for Len and JD to try to kill that much time. Grace was pretty entertaining during his three inning stint, too. He’s a lot of people’s favorite Cub and it’s nice to have him back in some role with the team. But, a little of him goes a long way, so let’s not push it.
It makes no sense to do this during the regular season, though that’s clearly their plan.
In the eighth, Crane stops by to brag about his creation, and the sound is out of sync with the video so he’s basically in a Godzilla movie. Crane calls Mark “Gracey” which I can guarantee you makes Grace’s skin crawl. There are few people less self aware than Crane Kenney.
Crane brags about the “creature comforts” in the new Wrigley Field press box, which I assume means they’ve put down some beds for the rats to sleep on.
Carlos Asujae and Zack Short hook up for a nice play and Crane gives his two cents about how it was “the only way to make that play” and nobody gives a shit.
Crane says Marquee won’t have pitch speeds or locations on the broadcast until the regular season or a pre or post game show until then. But he’s very excited about broadcasting all 28 spring training games, “we normally did five.”
Honestly, five was probably too many. Twenty-eight is asinine. Len and JD are basically out of stuff to talk about in the eighth inning of game one.
Len says that Marquee is committed to trying things, so fans should just give feedback about what they want to see. That seems like a really terrible idea. But we’re happy to give our input, it’s probably just not what they’ll want to hear.
Crane says the network is lucky to have David Ross as manager. Yeah, because Joe Maddon wouldn’t have been the perfect guy for all of this. They could have put a mic on Joe at noon and let it roll until an hour after the game and it would have been watchable.
The “lipstick” camera thing comes up again. Crane acts like those are the most cutting edge technology ever. Basically, a lipstick cam is a camera about the size of–wait for it–a lipstick, that can be placed in spots where a fully functional camera would be way too big. It’ll be buried in the dirt right in front of Javy at Wrigley which I’m sure will cause a ninth inning grounder to bounce over his head for a Cubs’ loss. But honestly, have you ever seen anything that interesting from these dirt cams? No, you haven’t.
The partnership with Sinclair comes up and I’m surprised they haven’t tried to blame Ross’ flu on Yu Darvish giving him the coronavirus.
Crane says “these guys like DeRosa, and Lou [Piniella], and Sut have volunteered their time.” I’m sure it’s news to those guys that they’re “volunteers.”
He also touts that they’ll be showing minor league games. I assume he just means when the Cubs play the Pirates. I’m sure fans will find live minor league games on TV interesting for about 10 minutes.
Len bets five dollars that JD can’t name three A’s pitchers who pitched in that night’s game. Len wins.
The game ends, and it’s time to watch it again!
11:00 p.m. – 2:00 a.m. – A’s at Cubs (again)
And now, we get to the infomerical portion of the broadcast day. I am thoroughly unimpressed by the lineup. They show each one twice consecutively. Here they are with their actual on screen description.
2:00 – 2:30 a.m. and 2:30 – 3:00 a.m. – Airbrush Perfection – Airbrushed makeup made easy!
Maybe this will be a cost saving measure by Marquee and Dempster will have to sandblast his own rouge on?
3:00 – 3:30 a.m. and 3:30 – 4:00 a.m. 1 Rule to Flat Abs – Want toned abs? Want a slim core? Want to build lean muscle mass?
Spoiler alert – The one rule is “stop eating so much gravy.”
4:00 – 4:30 a.m. and 4:30 – 5:00 a.m. Hate Aching Joints? Larry King investigates Omega XL, the ultimate all natural solution for joint pain from inflammation.
It’s going to crush Tom Dreesen that Larry King (who is basically just a pair of sentient suspenders at this point) showed up on the Marquee Sports Network before he did.
5:00 – 5:30 a.m. and 5:30 – 6:00 a.m. Under Eye Bags? Plexaderm helps replace Under Eye Bags, Dark Circles, and Wrinkles in just 10 minutes!
You know what else replaces under eye bags, dark circles and wrinkles? Not being awake to watch infomericals at 5 a.m.
6:00 – 6:30 a.m. and 6:30 – 7:00 a.m. Body Coverage Perfector! – Erase the appearance of unflattering dark spots and other skin imperfections with Westmore’s Body Coverage Perfector!
None of the “big six” ‘mercials? No boner pills, P90X, fake testosterone, Shaun T dance exercises, Flex Seal or Time/Life History of Rock Music among the infomercials? Man, they can’t even get A-list fake shows that sell you crap on this network. I seriously assumed that Sinclair would have at least one for Jesse James’ Trump gun.
No, seriously, that’s a thing. And yes, Jesse James looks old as shit. Sandy Bullock really dodged a…well, you know.
Yikes.
One thing Marquee does have is a lot of commercials for Prevagen a brain health supplement that has to admit in its spots that they are not FDA approved and are not to be used to treat, prevent or cure anything.
So, great?
7:00 – 10:00 a.mm. – A’s at Cubs replay
Because you really need three chances to watch a spring training game. And, if the game hadn’t been moved back
10:00 – 11:00 a.m. – Marquee Debut (again)
In case you didn’t get enough rambling Ryan Dempster yesterday.
11:00 a.m. – 12:30 p.m. – More than Mr. Cub: The Ernie Banks Story (again)
If you missed this, you’ll only get about 7,000 more chances to see it this week.
12:30 – 1:30 p.m. – Cubs Countdown (again)
This show still blows.
1:30 – 2:00 p.m. – Cubs 162
This show has some promise, it’s breezy somewhat behind the scenes looks at players, coaches, and other Cubs’ employees. It’s like One Day at Disney only not nearly as interesting.
2:00 – 5:00 p.m. – Cubs at Dodgers (live)
For the road game in Glendale, it was just Len and JD and that was just fine. Especially since one Kyle Schwarber left the game the most interesting player to watch was…uh…Carlos Asujae?
5:00 – 6:00 p.m. – Cubs Legends: Kerry Wood 20 strikeout game
And finally, an hour long “Cubumentary” (shoot me) on the ninth greatest game in Cubs’ history, or something. Parts of this have already been seen, but it’s well done, even if there’s way too much Chip Caray in dire need of a haircut. You’ll be shocked to know Pat Hughes was willing to talk about this game. I love Virgil Patrick Hughes, but I think he tells the same story about this game every day at least twice.
The only news to me is that Wood says the first time in 1998 that his elbow started to hurt was when he did a fist pump after the 20th strikeout. Oh, that’s so Cub.
Wait, this Wood 20 strikeout thing is straight from their YouTube channel. So you can watch it while you wait for Marquee to actually appear on your TV.
So, after the first 29 hours of its existence what’s the way too early take on our new home for the Cubs?
I’m amazed at the lack of content they have. They were so strapped for programming that they didn’t rain out Saturday’s game, but pushed it back five hours because they didn’t have anything else to show. I’m amazed Kris Bryant didn’t get hurt by slipping on a wet base.
The game stuff is already good. The game looked good, sounded good (and I enjoyed when the audio went out of sync just for Crane) and the graphics are solid, even if the dark text on silver is dumb. This isn’t 1994 and it isn’t the “Fox Box.”
The launch will be forever marred by the inability of DirecTV to get it to work for all but a lucky few (including me) subscribers, the inability of DirecTV and Spectrum to get around to allowing app access for their paid subscribers:
And an unexpected (though we really should just expect the worst) delay in Hulu-plus getting around to activating the network.
None of those issues are the fault of Sinclair or the Cubs, but the Comcast Xfinity thing is looming over opening day like a balloon full of shit. It’s going to burst and it’s going to be a complete mess.
Who will we blame when the season starts without a deal? There are no heroes, only villains in this fiasco.
Comcast is fucking over its subscribers by playing hardball, but the Cubs aren’t blameless. The last thing the world needed was another regional sports network. Most of us are going to watch Marquee exactly as often as we watched NBC Sports Chicago for Cubs’ stuff. They should have used their clout as first among (un)equals in their ownership of that network and bigfooted their way into a bigger ownership stake and none of these distribution issues would be a thing. Instead of it being 25% each Cubs, Sox, Blackhawks and Bulls, they could have forced a more realistic 50% Cubs, 20% Sox, 15% Bulls, 15% Blackhawks split.
There’s no question that a fully distributed Marquee will dwarf the in-game ratings of NBC Sports Chicago from April through September, but it’s going to be a rough go from October to March every year.
But hey, whatever it takes to come up with an excuse to not pay Kris Bryant.