David Huh of all people has the first intelligent (I know, I was shocked, too) article on exactly what Magglio Ordonez went to Austria for last year. I knew sausage would be prominently involved. Apparently he got “shock wave” treatments on his knee. Here’s a comforting quote from an American doctor on why shock wave threapy isn’t sanctioned in the US.

“We’re not sure what the shock waves are doing to the tissue,” said Dr. Sherwin Ho of the University of Chicago School of Medicine.

It could be anything from “Ooh, it tickles!” to “Hey, why is my knee turning black and starting to smell?”

We won’t know until Pegleg Ordonez…you know…plays some baseball on it. But for his part, Peggy’s pretty sure his knee is sound.

Seabiscuit’s Jockey on Corey, Farns, Barrett, E-ramis and Big Z.

Scott Skiles is so excited about getting the Bulls back to .500 that you can hear him yawning.

Bruce Weber says it’s easy to get ready for Iowa. You know Steve’s going to play the white guys way too much and that balding guy will take lots of bad shots. Oh, and Pierre Pierce likes to go backdoor…and hard.

Rick Morrissey says you “have to give Jerry Krause credit” for the current Bulls’ team. Sure, I’ll give him credit for the 0-9 start. How’s that?

Groucho says Kirk Hinrich’s an All-Star. Huh?

Mariotti puts down the doughnut to teach us nothing about Charlie Weis’ dual-role.

Mike Kiley says that E-ramis’ agent is Adam Katz, the guy trying to free Sammy from his ivy covered prison. This means, of course, that Kiley wants to give E-ramis a shirtless hug.

The Wizard of Roz says that Frank Thomas should be glad that the White Sox finally have a bigger asshole on the team than him!

Roger Clemens certainly enjoyed all the press he got about how he was pitching for the Astros because he loved the game and wanted to shower with Andy Pettitte and how he didn’t care that he was only making $5 million. So what does he do? He bends Houston over the table and rams a big $22 million arbitration request up their…Astros. $22 million? This from a guy who thinks it’s neato to have all of his kids’ names start with K? I’m sure it was coincidence, right? How do you like your chubby hero now, Houston? Muahahahahahahaha!

The Marlins are serious about this Carlos Delgado stuff. Here’s my prediction. He’ll sign with the Mets and the Marlins will look at the big pile of deferred cash they scraped together for Carlos and come shopping for Sammy. Hey, when have I steered you wrong? Oh, never mind that.

Mike Cameron now says he’ll play right field. It won’t matter, he’s as good as gone.

The Boston Globe on whether Doug Eyechart or Kevin “Hey look, a camera!” Millar ought to play first for the Sox next year.

America’s finest news source says that they’ve finally invented bulletproof sleeves!