As for the Orioles, they’re going to have an incredible lineup next year. They’ve got a bonafide leadoff guy in Brian Roberts, who led the AL in doubles last year with 51, followed by a guy who hit .340 last year in Melvin Mora. Then, a former AL MVP, who only drove in 150 runs last year, Miguel Tejada. Followed by Sosa or Rafael Palmeiro (a pair of Hall of Famers) hitting fourth and fifth in some order, then Javy Lopez, Jay Gibbons, Larry Bigbie and Luis Matos. Even for the AL that’s sick.
But you have to wonder, how can you trade with the Cubs…the team with pitching prospects falling out of their ears and not get at least one pitcher in the trade? You know that Hendry would have thrown in Sergio Mitre or somebody if Baltimore had eaten a couple million more of Sammy’s cash. It makes no sense.
I also love it when people criticize the Orioles for making this deal only to sell tickets. Hey, they play in a division with the Red Sox and Yankees…I think selling tickets is probably kind of important, too. Oh, and DC just added a baseball team, so you don’t think that having a guy going for his 600th homer and one going for his 3,000th hit (Palmeiro) in the same season will help drive ticket sales?
Dave van Dyck breaks down what has to fall in place for the Sosa trade to get finalized.
– Bud has to approve the deal. (Bud loves Sammy, and if Sammy wants to go to Baltimore, Sammy gets to go to Baltimore, no matter how much cash the Cubs are sending with him.)
– The union has to let Sammy void his final year. (The Cubs have effectively bought out that year by giving him the $4.5 million option buyout and his $3.5 million severance, now it’s up to Sammy to decide if he wants a two-year $20 million extension from Baltimore or if he wants to be a free agent in ’06.)
– Sammy has to pass his physical. ( Peter Angelos has voided deals in the past, but not when he was getting such a sweetheart cash payment. Sammy’s arms could fall off during the exam and he’d pass.)
All I know about Baltimore I learned from “The Wire” on HBO, and I didn’t know about the big Dominican population they have.
Little Jerry Hairston’s all fired up.
Phil Rogers says the Cubs are going to go after Peggy after all.
Groucho says that February’s going to be rough for the Bulls.
Mike Kiley says the Cubs aren’t going to get Magglio. Mike’s still upset about not having any use for his Sammy knee pads anymore.
Chris Deluca was once on a plane with Magglio! Wow! Who cares?
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to keep on ripping Sammy.
Apparently, the Wizard of Roz has a radio, too.
Gene Wojciecowski on Sammy’s last day.
Phil Rogers with moron who the Cubs will replace Sammy with.
Jerry Crasnick’s just glad the O’s finally did something.
Peter King’s Monday Morning QB.
Why do columnists ask themselves questions and then answer them? Because they’re hacks.
The Free Press is worried that the Cubs are going to steal Peggy from the Tigers.
Remember when the midly amusing HBO show “Entourage” showed how wild the Jimmy Kimmel Live green room is? They didn’t show this.
America’s finest news source wonders how we’re poisoning our enemies.
The best part of that Q&A column is when the guy says that the “only” hangups on the Tigers signing Ordonez are the length and amount of the contract, and the injury clauses. Yeah, those are just very minor details that need to be ironed out.
Wha about other candidates? Your angle on the Marlins last winter, knowing they had an $11mm bogey on Hampton, made the Fish a potential target for Sosa.
Let’s go outside the box. Who might be available? Let’s throw Mitre, Tightpants and a Guzman-type in the mix.
The body to whom I’m attached is not considered a potential right field replacement?
Fine. Here’s how this will work. List any viable canidadates via trade, we’ll use Chuck’s idea of Mitre, Farns and a Guzman-type pitching prospect (Guzman, Brownlie, etc.) as the most we’d have to give up for a guy, and I’ll give them the Maggs-Burnitz-Huff treatment.
Have at it.
Yes, canidadadates…but they don’t have to be from Canidada.
Let’s see:
1. Carlos Lee/Geoff Jenkins, Milwaukee
2. Jock (Jacque) Jones, Minnesota
3. Cliff Floyd, NY (N)
4. Termel Sledge (Was.)
5. Juan Pierre (Fla.)
6. Austin Kearns
7. Luis Gonzalez’s surgically repaired elbow (AZ)
8. Milton Bradley (LA)
9. Rob Macowiak (PIT)
10. Bo Jackson
11. Bo Hart
12. George Bell
13. Jeff George
14. Homer Bush
15. Jenna Bush
16. Alan Keyes
17. Tyrone Keyes
Have at it, Andy.
I keep thinking the phone is going to ring any second…Surely we have some young outfielder type around here that I could give away…
Number 98 in your programs, number one in your hearts. Were there ever a better set of backup D-linemen than me and Henry Waechter?
I vote for Marla Collins in RF–without pants, of course.
We all still think the following phrase is original and witty:
“Addition by subtraction”
I don’t know if you guys dislike Maggs cuz he was on the Sox, but he is the best option here. By far. I think his knee will holdup (just a hunch as it was serious but nothing career-altering, IMHO), so offer him some dough over a couple of seasons with incentives and DO NOT BE CHEAP. Get the dude in right field. He has already said he doesn’t want to leave Chicago.
Maggs would look AWESOME alongside Aramis in the lineup, and the dude is an underrated in the fielder.
And Keys and Waechter were great and all, but they were nothing compared to Mike Hartenstine.
I think, Unknown Column that the reason people are leery of Maggs is that…uh…you know…the bone just above his left knee is…uh…you know…DYING.
Andy, Unknown Column is brilliant! Hell, he wanted my head on a platter two short months ago…
:::just a hunch as it was serious but nothing career-altering, IMHO:::
Altering? No. Threatening? Yessireebobby!
While the pic of Peg Leg is a joke, the reality is that without proper blood flow to the bones in his leg (the reported problem) the picture could become reality.
I am president of the BC fanclub.
You know you want me.
Here’s some names:
J. Burnitz, Col
H. Matsui, NYY
M. Cameron, NYM
B. Abreu, Phi
A. Jones, Atl
C. Wilson, Pit
G. Jenkins, Mil
W. Pena, Cin
J. Bay, Pit
J. Jones, Min
P. Burrell, Phi
V. Wells, Tor
J. Cruz Jr., TB
K. Griffey Jr., Cin
Discuss.
1. Carlos Lee/Geoff Jenkins, Milwaukee
Jenkins has said he’s going to move to right field so that C. Lee can hang out by the TGI Friday’s in left in Miller Park, where fans are encouraged to throw chicken wing bones at him and yell “F@#$ you and the caballo you rode in on! Where’s Podsednik!”
2. Jock (Jacque) Jones, Minnesota
Apparently the Cubs have called the Twins…again, about a trade, this one would be Farns and Kelton for Jock, and like always it makes no sense to trade for this guy who is basically and older, slower Corey Patterson.
3. Cliff Floyd, NY (N)
The Cubs aren’t interested in Clifford “The Big Red Doggin’ It” anymore because he’s owed $13 million over the next two years and they’re paying Sammy almost that much to not play for them, they don’t need to pay Cliff that much to sit on the DL.
4. Termel Sledge (Was.)
Nothing like replacing an alleged steroid user with a guy who actually got caught using them.
5. Juan Pierre (Fla.)
He’s too afraid of the ivory, and something tells me that with the Delgado acquisition they kinda want to win a pennant this year.
6. Austin Kearns
Supposedly, Hendry called about Kearns and the Reds said they wanted Carlos Zambrano which caused Hendry to fall down the stairs into his basement again. But the Reds are going to move Kearns or Wily Mo or Dunn before spring training ends and they need pitching.
7. Luis Gonzalez’s surgically repaired elbow (AZ)
Hey, remember when he hit 50 homers. Yeah, that was crazy. And yet, Sammy takes crap for being juiced up? Wha?
8. Milton Bradley (LA)
It’s perfect, if he throws water on the bleacher fans he can pretend he’s just trying to cool them off!
9. Rob Macowiak (PIT)
Chip Caray says he can only hit on days his wife is having babies. And why was Chip being interviewed extensively on Chicago radio this weekend? Doesn’t one radio host have the stones to call him up, get him on the air and then say, “Hey, we didn’t care what you thought when you were here. Go screw off you monoeyebrowed bastard!”
10. Bo Jackson
Like Maggs he knows Necrosis isn’t when you sleep with a corpse.
11. Bo Hart
Gritty, gutty little guy will be battling Gruddy for LaRussa whipping boy status.
12. George Bell
Too busy using the suction cup on a stick while changing the gas price at his filling station.
13. Jeff George
Says he could be a positive influence on Chad Hutchinson’s brother in law.
14. Homer Bush
You can never have enough banjo hittin’ middle infielders.
15. Jenna Bush
If only.
16. Alan Keyes
Still crazy. Sister’s still gay.
17. Tyrone Keys
The Cubs haven’t had a decent pass rush in decades.
“13. Jeff George
Says he could be a positive influence on Chad Hutchinson’s brother in law.”
Seriously, Todd Walker’s pissing me off. Can this guy just say no, once in a while, to an interview request? He’s like a good Bobby Hill. He’s obviously a prick–he still can’t stop obsessing about Chip and Stoney, let alone Tom Kelley, for whom he last played in…2000. Why does this prick feel the need to bare his red ass to very stinkin’ microphone?
Todd: Just Say No. Shut your punk ass up and just play ball.
Uh, that’s Alan Keyes’ daughter that’s gay.
Two more names:
Lew Ford
Eric Byrnes
I managed to mis-type daughter. Guh.
“I managed to mis-type daughter. Guh. ”
Andy,
Just pull a Brian “don’t call me Eric Blair” Crozier and go back and erase it.
Mis-type.
As in an error in your typing or an error in her “type”?
Somehow, I can’t see the Reds trading with the Cubs.
J. Burnitz, Col
I think we’ve already done this one.
H. Matsui, NYY
There’s only Matt Suhey in Chicago, and he’s not a Moe Howard look-a-like. Besides, the Yankees need more OFers, not fewer.
M. Cameron, NYM
The Mets want to trade him, but his value is as a defensive whiz of a centerfielder, and the Cubs already have one of those. Unless your goal is to move Corey to right and have two swing at everything CFers in the lineup at the same time.
B. Abreu, Phi
He’s like one of six smart things the Phillies have done in the last eight years. They won’t give him up. It’s too bad because he’s a stud.
A. Jones, Atl
The Braves outfield currently consists of DeWayne Wise, Raul Mondesi and Druw. Would you trade him to get Brian Jordan into your lineup? I didn’t think so.
C. Wilson, Pit
Looks like Kerry Wood with a woman’s wig. Plays right field like he needs a map, but can hit. Pissburgh does love to give us useful players. Worth a phone call.
G. Jenkins, Mil
He’s Burnitz with more hair and six years younger.
W. Pena, Cin
True story, every time I play MVP Baseball against the Reds, Wily plays a flyball into a triple. Who says it’s not realistic? The Reds seem hell bent on trading Kearns, I say we ride that hellbender.
J. Bay, Pit
He’s already been on three teams in four years. Plus, he’s Jason Dubois.
J. Jones, Min
Already covered this.
P. Burrell, Phi
I was interested when his acquisition meant that Heather Mitts would come to town. Now? Whatever. He’s got great power and showed something by coming back from a hellacious season.
V. Wells, Tor
The Jays say they don’t want to trade him, but I’d give them a lot. A lot. Like here’s a list of the farm system…go shopping JP.
J. Cruz Jr., TB
Has only hit better than .250 twice in his career. Last year posted a .333 on base average. He’s an outstanding defensive outfielder. He was too young to stick with the Giants but should go back in about seven years.
K. Griffey Jr., Cin
The only way the Cubs would have been interested was in a Sammy salary dump. No thanks. He’s old, beat up and grumpy.
L. Ford, Min
Outstanding. Gets on base, fast, decent power, good defense, spells his first name like he’s a black guy. What’s not to like?
E. Byrnes, Oak
He’s crazy. He’d kill himself playing in front of the bricks and ivy out there. Looks like a cross between Luke and Owen Wilson. He’s available, maybe for The Farns.
Lew Ford would rock. I’d take my chances with an OF of Dubois, Patterson and Ford and not look back. These guys could be the Three Horsemen. Or something. If you have an OF consisting of a guy with a French name that doesn’t pronounce it in French; a midget CF with a girl’s first name that likes to screw fat media personalities; and a whitebread homeboy with a ghetto pimp’s name, well, that’s called a pennant winner friends.
To complete our screwed up OF, we could bring back “Candy” Maldonado and “Tarzan” Joe Wallis. That just screams B-level porn flick, doesn’t it? With a cameo from Coco Crisp, of course.
Did someone say B-level porn flick?
Papa,
Let’s bring in NIU alum Fritz Peterson for some long relief while we’re at it.
Andy,
I liked your reviews to replace the Gladiator. Your comments were very entertaining. Let’s just cross our fingers and hope the Cubs don’t follow in their normal footsteps and do the dumbass thing(like signing Burnitz for a cheap price instead of spending just a little more to get somebody that is good and not washed up) for regular people but seem like a great idea to them.
Hendry has made some outstanding moves in the past and let’s hope he has another up his sleeve.
Is that you, Steph? Go away please.
Let’s get Mike D. a column!
Ever since he clinked a “Cheers!” with Andy at the Geek Convention, he is omnipresent. Thankfully, he chimes in with a thought bubble at the drop of a hat. Without his commentating, I wouldn’t know what to think about anything.
Keep it up, Mike D.!
Yeah Mike D., what the hell, you left 3 comments on this article, let someone else have a turn.
“Ever since he clinked a “Cheers!†with Andy at the Geek Convention, he is omnipresent.”
Yeah, we never saw Mike around here before that.
But the bon homme toast he shared seems to have embiggened this most cromulent of men…
“Ever since he clinked a “Cheers!†with Andy at the Geek Convention, he is omnipresent.”
What, are you new here? I’ve wasted plenty of time on this site long before I threw back a dozen Harps with Andy, but thanks for your commentary, you anonymous genetic mishap.
Does your mom know you use her computer to hang around here?
And, um, I don’t know if you’re attempting to insult me behind your security of anonymity, but I hope you understand that the definition of “cromulent” would be “fine, acceptable”
And if you’re complimenting me? Not sure how I feel about being complimented by some assclown typing with one hand and his sweatpants around his ankles.
Worst. Anonymous Flamer. Ever.
Burnitz at 4-6 mil is not cromulent.
Like the tool you are, you take the bait, Mike D.
Glad to see you revert to form whenever receiving pushback. It’s right up there with your CubsTalk war where your witty message board posting included trading flames along the lines of “No, YOU’RE gay!” Bra-vo.
Bloody your nose and you come blasting over the top as usual, throwing out the wicked cutdowns about moms, masturbating, and word definitions. Please. Stop. No. Yawn. But the coup d’gras is always your damning, arm-waving charge of (cue scary music) ANONYMOUS POSTING! (dum dum DUMMMM!)
Posting here with a first name and last initial is much better, no? I guess running a website with some blather and minimalistic updating gets me to know you even more. And that proves what? Having a name just changes everything, doesn’t it? Well, call me Eff U.
“Embiggens” and “cromulent” are references that CT would get. Let him explain it to you.
And I understand you aren’t new here, or at the Message Board, or at the old Desipio site… You are like a bad penny turning up everywhere. Save it. Save your flames. Save your eye rolling. Save your breath. But, above all, save your breath. For once.
“Not sure how I feel about being complimented by some assclown typing with one hand and his sweatpants around his ankles.”
Probably feels the same as Andy trying to put the moves on Sharon Panazzo at Kitty O’Shea’s, only to have you, a guy that obsessively visits his website, there as a fifth wheel queering the deal.
Emphasis on queering.
Clap.
Clap.
Clap.
Boy that smarts.
Really.
Yeah, it’s up there with your caustic putdowns. It took me 40 minutes to get up off the floor after you waylaid me.
I am just curious: Which one is you and which is Oleg? Are you the Bartman-looking putz with the Wood jersey and backpack, or the sawed-off runt who giggles a lot?
http://nadablog.com/94yac/video/olegmike.avi
At least you aren’t anonymous behind a Mike D. handle anymore. Because geeking out in front of the Harry Caray statue with your friends is a great identity for a 33-year-old.
I’m the Bartman dude.
You want a date?
Rue the day?
Who talks like that?
Some folks call it a home run… I call it a homer…
I reckon i’m gonna knock the ball outta the park… unnh hunnh
DuBois: “How does a fella go about calling his agent?”
Baker: “What are you doing with that bat?”
DuBois: “I aim to hit homers with it.”
Baker: “Well, to call your agent, you use a phone.”
DuBois: “Which numbers do you put in?”
Baker: “Dial S-I-T-D-O-W-N. Tell him to send a ‘hearst’ since your career is dead on my watch.”
Sorry feller, I reckon I made a similar joke on another page. But I didn’t see yers first. It was a good deal a’ fun.
Ain’t no bother to me, I reckon, unh huh. I figgered ye done had a mite spell of funny in yeh, too. Not funny queer, funny ‘ha-ha.’
How ’bout you -n- me share us some potted meat an’ french fried taters?
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