You can’t spell leader without D Lee! Or something.
Wait, it’s the inexperience that’s causing problems in the Cubs’ bullpen? I thought it was the ineffectiveness?
Teddy Greenstein on the return of Bob Costas’ HBO show and some nitwit from AM 1000. But come on, is he really in trouble for suggesting they “run LaTroy up the flagpole” after he bounced the ball off Offerman’s helmet? Lighten up, Francis. Don’t you have better things to do? Like making Marquette change their nickname again? The best news in this piece though is that we won’t have to put up with Hawk and DJ during the Cubs-Sox games this year.
Let’s just say the Eddy Curry news could be more encouraging.
Oh this is nice, Mr. Ed doesn’t want to compete for his job. Then good riddance. God forbid you have to earn something.
Ozzie says the Cubs miss Sammy. It must be exhausting for Ozzie to manage both teams in town.
Will this Charlie Weis thing work out? You’re nuts if you think you know that.
Bruce Miles on pitch counts and trading for help.
The Curly Haired Boyfriend wants half of Clettitte to come back to Boston.
But Jon Heyman says he’s headed back to the Bronx.
I’m sure Michael Jackson was insulted when Martin Bashir told him that women would take off their pants and throw them at the screen. He’s not really into the ladies, Marty.
America’s finest news source says that an irregular McDonald’s is opening at Rob Goldman’s favorite mall.
We made a huge deal about Dontrelle’s last pitch of a complete game being 93mph. It was like his 107th pitch or something. Didn’t Zambrano throw a 136 pitch complete game? And wasn’t his last pitch to Old Man Offerman like 98mph. Oh, whatever, Florida is on the east coast. Why don’t we acknowledge that something is very wrong when Garland and Willis are dominating. I know it’s early, but, come on.
Sammy is fung, meng.
We’re guilty of “East Coast” and “West Coast” Bias….Big Time
When I said “Jap second baseman”, I mean no disrespect to the Orientals. No disrespect.
I really do take a nice mugshot!
Do you guys like how I use my redneck accent to make a point, and then it can magically go away. My buddy Harold Reynolds speculated that Hudson, Mulder, and Pedro would all throw a ton more innings, since, you know, NL games are only 5 innings.
I work?
Yeah, thanks, Bill. And you mean no disrespect to me when you complain about my elastic waistband chafing the bottom half of your white whale belly. Big Tuna, my ass. “Big Whale Belly.”
You should have hired Romeo Crennel so you could have the appearance of some lost weight.
Steroids is fung, mang! Jose, you are a goot hombre, mang, you’re not another Venezuelan fucker!
To the Chicago Cubs players, management, fans and groupies:
On behalf of the fine city of Washington and the District of Columbia, I wanted to personally welcome you to the Nation’s Capital for this weekend’s three-game series. We hope you enjoy all the Capital city has to offer during your weekend stay here: the monuments, government buildings, pimp lobbyists, whore politicians, attorneys (who would provide good target practice if handguns were legal in the city; alas we’re the safest city in the country because we outlawed them), and all else the capital city brings.
I would like to personally invite you to the Fairmont Hotel on M Street, where I will be holding a welcoming party in the hospitality suite. Here are some highlights from last week:
Lemme tell ya somethin’ bruthas! The Hulkster thinks the Cubs will sweep this weekend’s series against the Nats. The Nationals are run by a huge, faceless corporation named MLB. They keep tossing money at them to prop them up, running them out against the competition, trying to knock them down a peg.
It reminds me of my battles with the blond-haired weasel, Bobby the Brain Heenan. He would always have a stable to goons that he’d throw at me in the squared circle, trying to get me to lose my title. Heenan would trot out Bigg John Studd, King Kong Bundy, and King Haku, and I would bodyslam them and leg drop them back to the showers, bruthas. Every one of them wound up staring up at the lights in the end, as the ref counted 1-2-3.
I even got my hands on that lousy weasel Heenan once. I had him by the throat and was ready to deliver a punch. He squirmed and pleaded, shaking his blond-mane wildly, even messing up his usually feathered hair. I was about to clobber him and bust his jaw when I got blasted in the head with a chair. Lousy weasel. I think it was Paul Orndorff that did it (another former friend that had betrayed me).
I hope the Cubs beat the stable of goons the evil MLB has assembled. Once Derrick Lee (who seems like a pretty cool dude to hang and bang with) gets the Nats loaded up in his 21″ guns, he’ll grand slam them to a 3-game sweep.
Whatcha gonna do?! When the Cubbies run wild on you?
I need some more crack . . .
Oh, and by the way, please feel free to celebrate baseball in the Nation’s Capital (First in War, First in Peace, Last in the American.. I mean, National … League… East), by pouring yourself a Marion Barry cocktail.
It’s
1/4 Jagermeister
1/4 Kahlua
1/4 Bourbon
1/4 Coke.
It’s so black, not even the man can keep it down!
Hogan, the Emperor of MLB does not share your optimistic appraisal of the Cubs’ chances this weekend against his minions. The Cubs should be most displeased with their apparent lack of progress. If you want to see them dare to stand up to the power of the MLB Dark Side, that shall need to double their efforts. And also homer their efforts.
Don’t make me crush your trachea with my mind.
Desipio is the place to be for all the stars!
Darth Vader, Hulk Hogan, Marion Barry, Bill Parcells….
Who knows what iconic personality will appear next. Andy, you truly have a welcome mat for all the glitz of the world.
hey Ozzie, are you alfonseca’s relative or something, meng? how
come you are grabbing my ass and also my shoulders…ahm ooh meng wait….
Ay, Caramba! All the stars should be blogging on my site. Come to huffingtonpost.com and watch Jim Lampley insist that Ohio was John Kerry’s because the Las Vegas oddsmakers had him as the favorite!
And aren’t exit polls conducted a few hours before the polls close about as reliable as getting a score in the seventh inning of a Cubs game and declaring the Chicagos the winner?
how many orientals play for the nationals?
Umm, thanks Mr. Barry, but I think we’ll just stay in Arlington instead.
Sorry, Andy. Sox fan here. Have been with this site for five years, and though I don’t live in a trailerpark, I did live in Tennessee for a bit (which is, after all, practically a trailerpark, or at least attracts as many “twisters” as trailerparks). Haven’t driven me away yet….
My honest opinion is that the Sox rotation is going to break down later in the season, and it’s going to be really, really close with Minny. But seriously, after all the crappy baseball in two crappy ballparks that I’ve had to endure the past three decades, that’s all I ask for – something to keep my mind interested after the annual Robby Alomar trade.
I be one of them Orientals, baby…shit.
Hey indolent reader, it could be worse. I mean Ken “the meng” Williams could trade for me again…what, oh…
Look at the run differentials for the Sox and the Marlins (44 to 54). The Sox could easily be a 20 win team and tied with the Twins. They’ve been very lucky so far. The collapse is coming and, to borrow a phrase from Ron Jeremy…It’s coming fast and coming hard…..
The Cubs on the other hand should have one or two more wins. Putting them at right about the Zim line.
ZZZZzzzzzzz…..ZZZZZzzzzzzz……ZZZZZZzzzzzzz…..
Yes, the pythagorean theorem is all that matters. It doesn’t matter if you actually win games, the standings should be based on run differential, otherwise baseball’s all about luck.
Mr. White, this is your mid day wake up call. Would you like us to send up the entire room service menu again?
What to enjoy more the rest of the season:
cubs getting on a roll or white sucks collapse
for me water & nachos and for my friend aramis, bring pancakes, lots of them
Front Desk? WTH are you doing serving Hank White gazpacho and flan? You were supposed to be posted several days ago! Quit playing waiter and get your butt in the studio for broadcasting!
The Front Desk? No. The Front Office? Yes.
Room service? Send up a bigger room.
And 3 hard boiled eggs.
how hilarity ensues, uninterrupted, without those huge Baker basher posts?
I confused the Front Office with his evil twin, the Front Desk.
Back to waiter duty!
The more you outscore your opponent (ie bigger run differential), the better your W/L record will be. It’s common sense.
But who around here has any of that?
Remember me?
Greggie won a big game in me, clinching the NL East for youse guys.
Enjoy your weekend listening to only 1 national anthem.
I’ve relocated my posts here, so hopefully you can continue in uninterrupted hilarity.:
bakerbasher.blogspot.com
Oh, and FDF= Fuck Dusty Forever.
MMmmm … pancakes
Aramis, here’s your order:
Aramis,
I think what we meant by wanting you to have more grand slams with us was this:
and not this:
How’s the visibility?
Yay, pictures!
Who doesn’t read a posting by “Porn?”
TW started it with his Ron ‘the hedgehog’ Jeremy quote. But, it’s clear there are porn aficianados that lurk at Desipio when one of the newest message board members has taken the name “Dirty Sanchez,” of Bang Bus video fame.
You think you have porn afficianados? Ha!
hey dudes, 2 game winning streak and i got you off my back, bros
The best right hander in basball…Is I. ph_279782.jpg
shit! Oh well. it’s me Jon Garland, My picture didn’t work right. You get the point.
Who actually watches me?
My God am I a tool. For a good laugh you might want to read my Cubs quotes at Chicagosports.com. Seriously, I am a worthless little geek.
I’m still the dumbass du jour?
I hope they have Internet access at Statesville.
Listen, Dolan. Ever since you forgot me when you posted a Cubs Live lineup, I’ve been TRYING to get some freaking recognition from this site.
Wednesday I make 2 errors, yet Carlos Beltran gets to be Dumbass Du Jour two days in a row. Today, I tried to hit 3 homeruns, went 0-3, AND missed a squeeze sign, but stupid Remlinger has to go and upstage me in the 9th.
It just not fair. I wanna be somebody!
For getting rid of that badness that was here a couple of hours ago, I think my sight is slowly but surely returning. That’s what happens when a moran from the south side, or st. louis finally learns how to use a computer.
Hello, friends! I hope you were watching the Braves/Dodgers game tonight so you could hear my insightful commentary. For example, I explained to the viewers that Hee Seop Choi had been discovered by Leon Lee, Derrek Lee’s father, and then segued into a story about how Choi had been traded to the Marlins for Alfonseca and Clement.
I am such a gosh darn moran.
Pancakes help me hit the home runs, but do not help me play the defense.
Gotta have as many errors as runs, dude.
Here’s another Sox fan that gets someone to occasionally read the best posts from this site to him.
All I want to know from you guys is how you can say the Sox have started the year playing an easy schedule…when they haven’t even started the Cubs series yet?
I see the Sox falling back to the pack only if they count too much on Hernandez and Contreras, which they seem to be doing right now. They could make the playoffs, seeing as the Cubs made it with Grudzielanek and Gonzalez up the middle.
Of course, the Sox aren’t likely to find a team to rape quite as easily as the Cubs getting Randall Simon and Eramis for absolutely nothing. They may have to win with what they got. Any Jon Garland’s down at West Tennessee you morans want to trade us?
We’ll get right on that, so you can have somebody ready by 2012.
Nuff said…
No more Garlands down there, but I’m around somewhere.
I seem to remember all you white trash fans wanting Garland shipped out the last few years. Now he is pitching way better than he ever has, or will again, and all of a sudden you love him? Wow. And you’re right about not getting anyone to let you rape them in a trade, there’s enough raping already going on in your section 8 housing.
Thanks for publishing you Sunday fellate fest about the poor little Sox not getting as much attention as the Cubs, and how great it would be if the Sox made the Series and the Cubs didn’t, yadda-yadda-yadda. If owning a newspaper and a baseball team is such a goshawful burden, maybe you should sell the team to someone who will turn it into a WS winner and not suck all the profits out of the team like you paper sucked the Sox today.
Calling me a front running guy isn’t really an insult, just a statement that my team is currently in first place in their “weak” division.
Were you a front-runner in 2003, or just a Cub Fan? Of course, you guys think you are front-runners every year, until the season actually starts.
I never personally asked for Garland to be shipped out, not when there were so many Danny Wrights and Scott Schoeneweis’ in the rotation. Garland just needs his brain to catch up with his arm, sort of like Kerry Wood. That Cubs minor league system must really teach those guys a lot.
As for my housing, don’t worry about the living conditions, I live in a Cubs town, not the south suburbs. I have enough money, since I don’t have to pay scalpers for bleacher tickets and waste $40 a game on beer.
you don’t waste 40$ on beer, you just drink Mad Dog 20/20 in the parking lot before the game.
I thought I cost just as much at Wrigley as I do at Com.. or whatever the fuck they call it now.