It was nice of Roger to leave early enough so the Cubs could still win.
Dusty knows there are going to be lots of trade rumors. He just wonders why anybody would want any of these Cubs?
Carlos says that typing didn’t cause him to hurt his elbow, taking too much batting practice did. Then he says he’s cut down on his computer time, but not on his BP. Huh?
Michael Barrett wants a cookie for playing such a demanding position. Whatever.
I can’t believe people listen to this crap on purpose.
Phil Rogers thinks he’s still working in Texas. And does he really think these “columns” in which he writes them as a glorified game story are entertaining? It’s impossible to quantify how much he sucks at his job.
The Bulls know just as much today as they ever have about Eddy Curry’s heart. Nothing.
Mr. Ed is going to go kick for the Vikes. He’ll probably do great. He was about as good a kicker as there was in the league until last year.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to write about Ozzie Guillen’s incessant whining. If anybody knows incessant whining it’s Jay.
Even if the Mets wanted him, LaTroy wouldn’t go.
Ryan Dempster wants the Cubs to sign his old buddy, Danny Graves. But Jim Bowden, and others, think Graves is injured and will need to be handled like the Cubs did with the rehabs of Dempster and Scott Williamson.
Roger Clettitte says his groin feels numb. Andy Clettitte must be around then.
The Wizard of Roz says Greggie hasn’t even given any thought to being traded if the Cubs fall out of the pennant race. With the current state of the NL, the race is likely to fall into the Cubs.
The Cincinnati Post says the Cubs and Marlins are interested in Graves. Loser wins the wild card.
The Padres need a second baseman. Anybody know a team with a crapload of them?
The world’s greatest newspaper says that most guys go to church to pray for sex. Most of the altar boys are praying to avoid it.
I can quantify how bad Rogers is.
I have concluded, in fact, that Phil Rogers is–how do I put this technically?–fucking terrible.
There.
“I, for one, wrote four columns advocating [Ozzie Guillen] for the job in the fall of 2003.”
Let it be known that I am fully aware I pop out retread columns just to fill space. Also let it be known that I do not recognize the fact that this makes me a horrible journalist and an obnoxious assbag.
Andy, did you just defend Wagner? I was told that would be my job. Alas….
Where’s the love for me? I’m taking this team to the top single-handed guys! I can do other things single-handed too, boys…..xoxo
[img]http://www.iowacubs.com/images/upload/jcmugbig.jpg[/img]
Your message board won’t post my picture anymore? :-(
I don’t think anybody specifically banned you, Carp.
Oh crap.
It’s![]()
but without spaces.
Nevermind. It automatically converts the tag.
C’mon Rally Carp…
so i get to work this morning and my buddy in the ATL (see Andy, i’m helping take desipio nationwide) emails me “did you see Jeff Gordon sing take me out to the ball game last night at ‘Wrigley Stadium’? Can’t wait for The Dose” and i had the same thought while hoping for material on the bullet he threw from the mound for the first pitch. so here’s the Dose and there’s nothing mocking the poster boy for one of the worst “sports” out there. Well, what would you say… you do here?
After wathcing that sissy-boy Gordon skip around Wrigley Stadium last night, it’s a lot clearer to me now why he is so despised by a majority of the NASCAR faithful.
A numb groin is the first sign of syphilis.
Why the hell am I seeing a therapist?
http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/sns-ap-bba-yankees-rodriguez-therapy,1,23496.story?coll=sns-ap-sports-headlines
May 23, 2005
Burnitz & Dubois:
games 65
at bats 217
HR 11
RBI 38
AVG .276
SLG .645
Sosa & Alou:
games 55
at bats 204
HR 9
RBI 30
AVG .265
SLG .554
Did anybody see “NCIS” last night? One of the main characters (Sasha Alexander) was shot in the forehead at the end of the season finale, and her head exploded much like a replay of JFK on the Zapruder films. It was one of the most graphic killings I’ve ever seen on network TV.
That being said, Andy’s wish of Lance Berkman falling down the dugout steps to his death brought me a chuckle.
Oh, dear lord. I hadn’t heard Jeff’s “performance” until I was in the car at lunch. That really is the worst ever. Him butchering the words is nothing new for morans doing the singing, but “Wrigley Stadium?” I thought it was bad enough that during his pre-singing interview he said you could fit the Bristol Motor Speedway inside of Wrigley, but that was…just awful.
The celebrity singing was a bad idea before the novelty wore off, now it’s a nuisance, as proven by the fact that I watched the whole game and managed to avoid it out of sheer disdain for the exercise.
the cubs will be me tonight
http://www.iowacubs.com/aspx/news.aspx?id=1978
It’s yet another “Know Your Iowa Cubs Intern.”
Do you think they have any idea that Desipio is the sole source of readership for these?
I have it on authority that his nickname is actually The Fang and that the “n” is silent.
Meh. Where are more intern chicks?
I know I am not exactly a bastion of intelligence, but could these nicknames be any lamer? Is a 1st grader making them up? “Huh huh, you’re names Carper… I’m gonna call you Carp. And you, Fangman… You’re Fanger.”
They still have not sold out the May 28 bus trip to Wrigley! For just $95 you can enjoy the game with none other than me!
http://www.iowacubs.com/aspx/news.aspx?id=1906
Type “rally carp” into me and see that Desipio is the #3 hit.
Wheee!
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I am like 60. Born in 66 my arse. Am I the non white Crash Davis? I know I don’t catch, but I’m never gonna hang em’ up.
Type “sarah wood wheeeeee” into Google and I’m second. And it’s kind of scary that any other site is first.
Just wondering … what’s the best Cubs message board (besides Desipio’s) and what’s the address?
Insidetheivy.com
We like looking at cool pictures.
I am about to jump the shark here, be careful guys….
Last night pointed out some dazzling but not surprising informaton.
The baseball game at Wrigley Field was a battle between two of the shittiest teams in baseball. Are the Asstros and Cubs trying to set a record for the quickest game in baseball? These two teams trying to score runs are as painful as setting in the dentist’s chair getting a root canal.
Then you have Jeff Gordon who doesn’t even know what historic baseball field he is at? What a smug son of a bitch and horrible singer he is too? He really made Nascar look like white trash? Oh did I say Nascar and white trash in the same sentence?
Does Enrique Wilson look like a smaller and chubbier Tom Goodwin or what? He sucks as bad as Tom too!
Yes it is definitely time for a trade for offense and time to ditch Hawkins and Remlinger in whatever way you can? You must DL Remlinger and keep Mitre as the 5th starter after you activate Walker. I would put Walker at 2B immediately and actually I would even put Hairston Jr. in CF after trading Korey Patterson depending on who you get. Korey must go along with Hawkins.
Let’s go for the first sweep of the year tonight against the worthless Asstros.
GO CUBS!
Baker Basher
Not funny like Desipio, but not awful. For the love of god, Kevin, you don’t want to go to Inside the Ivy.
played 8.3 miles south. Remember this, bitches? Still rings true today.
don’t you usually do me in a dentist’s chair. What a redneck.
Major League Baseball, the screen door of yer trailer is swung wide open. Yer neighbor might let himself in and steal the rest of yer meth stash.
Get the fuck out of here. Bitch.
Overused? Yes.
Remember this?
Major League Ballpark: 8.3 miles north.
Is anyone shocked that these were the three people arrested after the game on Sunday….?
Thomas Novak, 29, of the 3900 block of West 104th Street; Ryan Novak, 25, of the 15700 block of Lake Drive in Oak Forest; and Chad Novak, 23, of the 5200 block of West 157th Street in Oak Forest, were charged with one count each of aggravated battery and aggravated battery in the public way, he said.
Actually, Google Maps suggests that 1060 W. Addison is 9.8 miles southeast of where I’m sitting. 8.3 miles would get me to Lane Stadium, though.
The Tribune reported that the three hoodlums wore me to court.
Look what I caught!
Is that the Rally Carp?
Better move your ass, TJ.
Just proves we are not only tougher than you northside queers, but more loyal fans as well. Sox will go all the way this year.
Well, I guess my finger is injured. That’s weak, especially with all the goofy injuries and psuedo injuries we can make up.
Hey Jerry, I kept your seat warm on the bench, welcome back.
That’s funny, Mike, because MY finger’s injured from constantly flipping the bird at your washed-up ass.
We welcome you to our fold, Mike D.
Yes, well I am terrible, so that makes sense.
I thought I was the worst 7th inning stretch singer guy……ever. Sharon!!!!!!wheres my…………………….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Am I this?
cf Hairston
ss Neifi!
1b Lee
rf Burnitz
3b Aramis
2b Walker
lf Dubois
c Barrett
p Maddux
I heard Walker was batting sixth, and that to me, would mean no Corey again tonight.
I usually eat buffet from five until seven. Six o’clock start mess with ARam’s schedule. Mongo no like.
According to my nascar loving, redneck, faggot ass…all the people at Wrigley are losers and Jeff Gordon is way better than any of them. Wow, I am just another worthless, fat, stupid, cunt of a sportswriter. Fuck me, I suck.
Right this way Mr. Ramirez. Your usual 6 dozen pancakes with a side of stuffed french toast?
You talkin to me Cowlishaw?
That’s Wrigley STADIUM. Dummy.
Sloth,
Can you get me an approximate age on the chick in the yellow turtleneck? Hello!
Look at the guy in the red. I think YellowTurtle just farted.
I think the guy in the red is fartING.
The jersey smelled like a corpse farted.
We are a bad team, with idiot fans. We wish we had a team like the real Chicago ball club to the south. Looks like we are playing the Asstrohs again tonight. Wow! What a tough team to play. Nice McGriff jersey, typical Cub fan. The Sox will win the series this year. Konerko will get MVP and the Cy Young will go to either Buerhle or Garland. Iguchi might even win the batting title. Hermanson, Dye, Paulie, the whole starting staff…this team is just full of all stars. You guys can’t admit that the Sox are the class of MLB beacuse you don’t know any better. Buerhle will be the next 300 game winner, and Garland has a shot too, thanks for him by the way. Gold Gloves around the field for us too. The Sox have the Cubs beat at every position, deal with it.
Wasn’t it great when I was overrun by loud, knowledgeable baseball people, known as Sox fans.
When is the obnoxious White Sox fan filter getting installed? Seriously….We couldn’t give two craps about your team; please stop obsessing about ours.
the Sox fans are a welcome dose of “it could be worse, i could be as dumb as one of these guys”. Kind of puts things in perspective.
Yikes.
Mute.
Even with their team off to a ridiculously drunken-like hot start, can STILL manage to uphold their revealing stereotype that they all possess this weird and generally unhealthy obsession about All Things Cub.
Hey Papis! Can somebody explain me how to get my own avitar. I want to create de profile and start poll on de message board. I make crazy jokes!
