Henry’s threatened slap of Carlos yesterday is the stuff of legend. We’ll be talking about it for generations.
Derrek Lee’s not really worried about the media. On yesterday’s radio pre-game show, Andy Masur made yet another ludicrous statement. He said, “You know a guy is hot when he goes 2 for 5 and his average goes down like Derrek’s did [Saturday] night.”
I’m not math major, but Derrek wasn’t hitting .400 going into Saturday’s game, so going 2-5 (.400) probably didn’t lower his average. Just like going 3-5 (.600) didn’t lower it yesterday. Sounds like somebody’s jockeying for Dumbass Du Jour.
The Franchise is feeling better but until he can throw he’s not sure how long it will take to get back. Are they still milking his arm? Something tells me that Sandy Krum would have loved to have milked it.
Saturday night was Dog Night at Petco Park. What the hell was this? I thought it was Jose Macias for a second.
A nice look at Jerome Williams. Apparently not all of Hawaii is paradise.
Dee Brown will find out he’s just not good enough yet, this week.
Groucho says Scott Skiles is just like Larry Brown. Except for the winning stuff.
Both Chicago teams are atop the playoff standings, and yet Mariotti puts down the doughnut to try and stir some stuff up between Ozzie and Frank. Look, they don’t like each other, we get it.
Mike Kiley thinks a strong effort tonight will get John Koronka a start Sunday night against the Red Sox. Uh…no. It might get him a start in the Marlins’ series, but Maddux, Carlos and Glendon will handle the BoSox, thanks.
The Franchise says he’ll be back this year. No shit.
Jeffrey Loria’s ready to start throwing bodies overboard after the Marlins 1-6 road trip. Looks like the Cubs just missed Mike Lowell’s Dodgers debut.
Dave Miley didn’t get whacked yesterday, but he should probably start bringing boxes with him to work, just in case.
Ken Rosenthal on another Upton and the Cubs-Giants trade.
Peter Gammons loves Brandon Inge.
Harold Reynolds couldn’t believe the Indians fired Eddie Murray. Though, Harold has never actually seen Eddie in action as a hitting coach. Whatever.
The Drudge Report has the sketch that Michael Jackson’s accuser drew of his mushroom, I mean, uh, penis.
The world’s greatest newspaper with a list of songs that can make you gay.
Great chuckles today out of the “Jose Macias” picture and the “Songs That Make You Gay”. I was flipping through the channels last night and stumbled upon one of the NCAA softball games. One of the teams in the dugout were chanting and singing “That’s the Way I Like It” during the freaking game!!! I’ve always said there was no way I could umpire girls softball because of stupid shit like that, the chanting and singing form the dugout. I’d probably dump the whole team.
Re: Jacko’s giant schlong.
“Baby Oil Stink?” Wasn’t that a Sebadoh album?
“I’m not math major…”
Nor English.
Nobody, I mean friggin’ nobody, does me as well as Chuck.
Sorry. I meant, “Me not math major…”
Shoot me dead if Koronka starts Sunday, as I’ll be in attendance.
Hey. I hold Desipio to a high standard for spelling and grammar. I don’t hold myself to that standard, just others.
Was Andy a Journalism major or an English major? As a Journalism major married to an English major, I can tell you there is an enormous difference.
Me like to remind mi amigos aqui that I am still not dead, and still can play better than Enrique. Put me in, Dusty!
If Hendry can convince JP to trade Corey for Vernon straight up, it would be a steal. It would also prompt whatever remaining hardcore Jays fans that are left (and I am one of them), to jump from the CN tower.
I thought Andy was a meth major.
Journalism, with minors in political science and meth.
Cannuckbears fan, if JP Ricciardi can’t get you to leap from the CN Tower, I’ll be more than happy to give you reason to.
Sebadoh…Nice call.
Very under-rated.
Andy, that’s exactly what I’ve been thinking.
Hey Andy,
No mention of my clownish comments regarding my son, and how the media had the nerve to cover his dumbass motorcycle wreck?
Yeah, it’s not like Kellen Jr. had a poster boy for not riding a motorcycle or anything.
Yeah, no kidding, Jay.
“The Marlins have lost 10 of 12. McKeon put the responsibility on his players”
Wasn’t Pudding Jack running out in front to take the credit for being an old school genius earlier this year, when his pitchers were throwing all those complete games and things were going great for the Marlins?
A lot of it is the players, but don’t take the credit when things are good if you’re not prepared to take the blame when they’re bad.
Buddy.
This is reminiciscent of an argument Kruk and Harold had yesterday about how absurd it would be for the Yankees to fire Joe Torre. Harold said something to the effect of, “He’s a great manager! You can’t take away all he’s won. It’s the players fault. You win or lose games because of the players!”
So Harold wanted to give Joe credit for the wins, but the players the blame for the losses.
Kinda like Jack.
I don’t listen to anybody named Kellen.
Me fail English? That’s umpossible!
Dolan,
I agree with your dose today. Especially the Korey Patterson section. Everything is running smoothly right about now except that dope who’s been hitting in the 6th or 7th spot. Korey definitely needs a change of scenery and the Cubs team needs a change of scenery out in centerfield.
Why not bench Korey and play Hairston or Hollandsworth out in center? You might even get some type of positive reaction from Korey off the bench. It’s not like this is Patterson’s rookie season. It’s like his 4th year with the Cubs and he is worse off then when he started his rookie season.
Hendry needs to get off his ass again and make another trade. He might want to deal Remlinger too while he’s off his ass.
GO CUBS!
Baker Basher
Because even Dusty doesn’t want to see his starters throw 160 pitches every time out.
Dumbass. Your presence here lowers everybody’s IQ by 50 points, Basher.
hey dude, don’t go forgettin’ who makes the calls round here, dude.
third place in the national league, dude.
shut up ,dude.
Basher-
What is it about Hairston that makes you think he can play center. His fielding in center makes him Biggio look like Torii Hunter, and offensively he is Corey without any power. And Hollandsworth can not be trusted to be anything more than a spot starter. He’s a mediocre everyday player but a great pinch hitter.
Last night on me, Kruk picked Abreu as MVP over Lee in a head to head race, and Harold Reynolds picked…Pujols? Yup. Albie, who wasn’t even mentioned, and Harold said that was disrespectful to him. Tim Kurkijan sat there all the while, looking extremely gay, which having seen him recently in person, I am all but sure that he is. What a hero worshipper he is. You gotta love a player who even watches his flyballs, no? LaRussa is the Larry Brown of baseball and a complete imposter. And while I’m at it Jeff Brantly suck arse too. Remember when I used to be watchable?
I tell Hank White, I say to heem, you not say you are gonna slap me. You tell me you hit me, my wife, she not invite you to taco nite. Is true, you not able to eat 21 tacos con pollo and 2 buckets of flan, if my wife tell you you can’t come. You can’t nap in my lazyboy either. Hank, he is smart, I know he listen to me.
The nerve of those softball players. Singing in the dugout. You would think that they were approaching the game of softball as though it were a game. Shamefull. No one should enjoy herself while playing a game.
From Baker Basher’s blog (which hasn’t been updated lately, so get to it!):
5/19/05:
I ask this question yet again; why can’t some of the shitty players on the Cubs ever get hurt. It’s always the players that have potential and are usually good that get sent to the DL. But guys like Hairston Jr. or Hawkins never get hurt. That’s fucking amazing.
5/24/05
The guys that I think we should trade are Hawkins and Hollandsworth. If they want minor leaguers I would throw in Kelton and Guzman too. They need to pick up Jimenez and get rid of Wilson and probably Macias also.
It’s dead weight time and this is the time to throw your waste away.
So Hairston is a shitty player (like Latroy) that unfortunately never gets injured, and Hollandsworth is dead weight?
Good. Let’s put them in center!
I watched ESPN over the weekend too, Jeff Brantley is the biggest piece of hogshit I have seen. He isn’t worth a dingleberry on Chris Berman’s asscrack hair. Totally useless. I did enjoy listening to Eric Karros on Wednesday and Thrusday. He loves the Cubs, even when they were playing the Dodgers. The callerman in those two games wasn’t to bad either. I was entertained by Len and Bob’s mocking of the spreading of the upper respitory infection on Saturday. Also did anyone hear Len talking about the dove that shit on his hair? I thought that was funny coming from Len.
That’s the way, uh huh, uh huh, I like it! uh huh, uh huh.
Please use me, TJ, and thereby avoid taking seriously anything that Baker Basher has to say.
I am so gay, and though I act smart I am just as lame and I overexaggerate just as much as the other assbags I work with. Remember last year, when I said that the Yankees would win a record number of games and score well over a thousand runs? People like me and Gammons cream over the biggest losers, and we get these genius reputations, why?…we’re never even close to right about most everything we say. Kinda like LaRussa, who I consider one of the best to ever manage.
What did I ever do to these “baseball experts”??
I forgot about Len’s pigeon shit incident. I have a feeling that before the game he and Brenly were talking about it and Bob mentioned it’s happened to him, because after Len mentioned it on the air he asked Bob if it had ever happened to him and Bob said, “You know, I can’t really recall.” Len waited and said, “Thanks for leaving me hanging there.”
Another fine moment was when Bob mentioned he figured a flock of seagulls would come after him and then sang, “But I ran. I ran so far away!” That’s twice this year that Bob has broken out song lyrics off the top of his head. He sang the open to Kashmir after Len got India and Indiana confused.
How sad is it that the golden age of Baseball Tonight was when it was just me and Buck Martinez?
Baseball Tonight was fine until they hired me off the set of The Best Damn Show Period and turned it into a Stu Scott like screamfest.
On a rare night it’ll just be Karl Ravech, Peter Gammons and Soup Cambell (not Bill, Dave) and it’s good again.
Even when Harold is there, as long as Kruk’s not around, there’s always somebody to call him on the stupid shit he says.
Don’t forget me and my perfectly coiffed sideburns…oh yeah, and my Jim Hendry hair…Kurt Russel circa 1988.
I’m a complete moran though.
Harold got the job on Baseball Tonight because at the time Junior Griffey was the biggest star around and he hated ESPN. He wouldn’t do interviews with them and Harold was his buddy with the Mariners, so when they hired Harold they had an “in” with Junior. In fact, it led to that memorable evening when Harold said that Junior complained that Jim Edmonds slowed down on flyballs just so he could dive and get on SportsCenter more than Junior.
Then Junior’s career went into the crapper and Harold somehow kept his job.
But Junior was right about Lassie.
I’m sure I could have used the word Junior one more time in that post. Yikes.
I do kick ass though. Listen to me do games on the radio, I am extremely entertaining and I’m not afraid to speak my mind. Remember a few years ago, when I called out Ivan Rodriguez for calling too many fastballs with runners on so he could throw them out easier? I am the best the east coast sports network has to offer.
And what is wrong with this hair?
This hair has been sleeping with Goldie Hawn for 25 years, buckos!
Kurt Russell’s pants just made me go blind.
My name is Ken. Can someone please tell Gammons (and Dolan) to stop calling me “Junior Griffey”?
Actual dialog cut from the movie.
Herb Brooks: Does this tie go with these pants?
Mrs. Herb Brooks: We don’t have the only thing that goes with those pants, dear.
Herb Brooks: What’s that?
Mrs. Herb Brooks: Bagpipes.
I like Ken Griffey the Lesser. Much more formal.
I’m ready to stroke Dusty now that the Cubs are having their best streak since he’s been manager. I liked him all along…
I’m ready to stroke Dusty now that the Cubs are having their best streak since he’s been manager. I liked him all along…
Double posting Chicago Sports Media is lying!
I’m going to stroke Dusty because he came on the baseball show I host with little Jesse Rogers!
I said it twice and I mean it!
CIRCA 1988. And have you SEEN Goldie Hawn lately? I’ll guarantee you that Kurt has at least one side piece, maybe more. He’s half of Tango and Cash dammit!
Junior is a human being, not a piece of property, you f****.
First, as a current journalism major I can tell you that it’s my job to ruin the English language one sentence at a time.
Second, if everyone is complaining about Baseball Tonight how come nobody has mentioned how awful Larry Bowa is on that show whenever he is on?
Third, if Vernon Wells and Korey Patterson are indications of how good the Cubs’ center field prospects turn out (Wells being a former Cubs’ prospect), then I’m not as excited about the future emergence of Pie as the Cubs’ center fielder.
Fourth, the first play-by-play guy that calls out Edmonds DURING A GAME for slowing on a ball so he can dive and make a catch will become my favorite play-by-play guy instantly. I’m hoping that will be Mr. Kasper but his middle of the road answer on the Edmonds question in the Desipio Interview makes me think he wouldn’t do it.
Maybe Dolan is confusing me with Griffey, since you know, all us brothas look the same to you desipiots. Ask my boy Dusty, dude. He’ll tell you…shit…
“First, as a current journalism major I can tell you that it’s my job to ruin the English language one sentence at a time.”
You’re doing fabulously. And you’re double bagging by destroying style at the same time!
Russell’s pants are bad-ass, people knew how to dress then… what ever happened to style? Funny, that outfit probably cost $200-$300 in 1980.
Kurt Russell’s wardrobe for the movie only cost 50 cents at a thrift store.
Whoever heaped kudos on Dave Campbell is spot-on. I’ve long considered him entertaining, infomative and very atypical of most ex-jocks who do no homework and ultimately do a disservice to their viewers by stealing money and being totally unprepared for the broadcast. Not to name legless, toupee-wearing names or anything, but Campbell deserves every penny he gets.
–brush with greatnesss story alert–
I was at the Thompson Center in October 2003 around 11:00 AM. I had to catch a Blue Line train to meet a customer. As I was going down the stairs into the bowels of the Thompson Center, I saw Soup Campbell coming up on the escalator. He obviosuly had flown into O’Hare and took the train downtown from there. It was the Friday of the Cubs-clinching weekend, and he was clearly in town for it (even though that day’s game got rained out) As soon as I spotted him, I couldn’t resist being an obnoxious asshole by shouting out, “Hey Dave! GO CUBS!” He just sort of nodded his head and smiled.
Aren’t you guys fucking happy for me?
Thrift store? That is so 1996. I “shop” for my clothes at the garbage dump man. I actually was at a dumpster in Michigan and I found a bunch of ten year old turtlenecks with the name Kasper written on the tag. Who would throw these gems out? Must be someone with a serious turtleneck collection. I’m gonna go drink some intellgentsia now, and get my wire rims fixed.
el Tango, el Cash
“… I couldn’t resist being an obnoxious asshole …”
How can one resist years of practice?
It comes naturally.
Being an obnoxious asshole, that is. Resisiting it is futile.
The pants thing was a joke, Chachi. You can still buy those. They’re non-biodegradable and indestructible. Unless you melt them and then they’ll only turn into a lava rock-like mass that will outlast the planet.
I wrote about Soup because I met him in person at the Cubs/Yanks interleague series when BBTN was doing a sunday cast from Wrigley. I said hey Soup want a beer? He said “no I’m working” and something to the effect of have on for me too. He was saying how much he liked Wrigley and how great the fans are and stuff like that. He swears like a sailor, and my brother said he saw him at dinner later that night chatting with fans and just having a good time. When Santo finally kicks it, I would love to see Soup take his place. Soup knows his shit, and he’s a great charachter…thus endeth the sploogefest.
I also found some really cool pants outside Wrigley. They had poo stains in them, and the word Hawk written on the tags. They will go real nicely with the turtlenecks I found.
Thanks Chuck.
I think.
to get a dialogue with Hank like the one with Len? I know it’s a long shot, but he does have a fan club here. I’m probably just dreaming here, especially since you make the Cubs PR department out to be the yahoos that they are.
Good luck getting me to do you a favor.
Drew and I saw Campbell at Topo Gigio’s in Old Town about six years ago. Drew thought he was Peter Gammons.
Not cool. Mistaking me for Gammons…way not cool.
I must be what Gammons writes his columns with.
Well,
It sounds like Len and Hank White are friendly enough, and they go back to those dark days in Milwaukee, etc. So, how about it Len?
And once we get Hank White to bookmark this page, how hard would it be to get Big Z to submit? We’d just have to demand he do all his typing/mouse usage with his left hand.
Mistaking Gammons for ME, on the other hand is an honest mistake.
I don’t like the Red Sox though, except when they beat those damned, savage Indians and Braves.
How’s the visibility?
Well partner, it’s clearer than a Texas two step, yee haw, whoopie, let me tell ya’. We were both pitchers ya’ know, ya hoo! We’re a match made in razorbacked hog heaven.
I love it when you analyze.
Just wait until you hear our ingenious “1908” chants. We are the best and most knowledgeable. Just ask Artie Lange, he’ll tell you.
hey buddies, how you doing?
I am a worthless dump.
Good news Cub fans! I had a throwing session today. I practiced throwing my tampoon into the trash can. I had my top command too, I made 1 out of 12 into the can. One I hit Mr. Pole right where his first name states.
Are you trying for Dumbass DuJour? According to Baseball America, Vernon Wells was drafted by Toronto in ’97 with their #1 Pick. Who does your research, Phil Rogers?
I’m also trying to avoid crabs while sitting at Iowa. How’s the Rally Carp?
Perhaps BC has confused Vernon Wells with the much missed Erik Hinske.
For some reason, I don’t think Kurt Russell’s pants caused me. Is there an FHM around here, fellas?
TJ Brown,
I didn’t say I was blowing my wad over putting Hairston or Hollandsworth in center, I just think it’s time for a change.
I think everybody would agree with me that we’re all sick of Korey whiffing. We’re tired of waiting on this superstar activity to take its course.
Yes, I’m not a real Jerry The Lessor fan by any means and I do agree that Hollandsworth is better off the bench. But would it kill Dusty to bench Korey for a couple games just to see how much better the Cubs are without him.
Are we not a better team for getting rid of Hawkins? We would also be even better minus Patterson.
FDAKF=Fuck Dusty and Korey Forever
Baker Basher
That Jim Hendry is an idiot for trading Eric Hinske.
Never mind that I probably had no idea who Hinske was when the Cubs let him go for Miguel Cairo, that Jim Hendry is an idiot!!!!!!
Hey, I was the real reason for that trade, Murph. The Cubs had taken me in the Rule V draft and the trade was me for Hinske with Cairo thrown in. You would later blow a gasket when Miguel was waived during the season and claimed by the Cardinals.
And then Cairo won a game for the Deadbirds a week after he was waived with a bases-loaded triple or something.
That actually WAS a bad move; especially considering that Chiasson made it to the bigs while borrowing Lance Dickson’s shoulder. They waived Cairo to make room for the lethargically dispassionate stylings of Delino Deshields who, with another sleepwalking bum–Michael Tucker–helped steer the Cubs right out of the playoffs that year (2001).
How about trading for me. Say for one gray bearded, recliner bum. (hint, hint) The money is about the same.
Oh hell yes! We’d love to have Mike Remlinger! Then we could sign Danny Graves and have a matched set.
I’m as good as gone. Hendry had me traded and ready to hit the door when I pinched my finger between the chairs.
Remlinger and Graves are just kids. I want some veterans in this bullpen. Anybody got numbers for Bob Feller or Lefty Grove?
Huh?
Puddin’ hates me. I’ll bring ivory pierre and gray beard could bring k-pat!!
I’ve been nearly as lousy as Corey this year.
If Ivory’s bringing my sorry ass with him, we’ll keep Corey. But thanks.
Ohh well, just a thought. I would rather eat Dusty’s catch of the day then Jack’s banana puddin’.
Did I hear puddin’ ?, cuz me hungry!
D. Lee, Neifi? Ha! They’ll be watching the All Star game from home. Eckstein and Pujols deserve it more anyway. Mark Mulder, now he should start the game.
Does anybody still think that I’m great? I had crazy high run support most of my career. I don’t strike anyone out, my era is high, I walk alot of guys too. Can this big 3 charade finally be over now that we’re all on different teams?
Did somebody say charade?
I like Wrigley Stadium. Just not that ivory.
I have night off bitches! So does Walker.
Any guess on who’s playing second? Starts with a G and rhymes with Remlin!
Mark,
From 2001-2003, you were a legitimate stud. Injuries have slowed you down, but the Big Three was real, and you guys (plus Giambi, Tejada, and Chavez) were responsible for the A’s success. Sorry, Michael and Billy, the pickin’ machine just isn’t that good.
I still think you’re good, Mark. I just think you need hip and shoulder surgery is all.
I am the truely legitimate one of the big 3.
He’s not hurt! Our Jew trainer won’t let him be hurt!
If I offended any of you Hebes, I’m sorry. I’m a lawyer, it’s just like being a Jew. Except for one advantage.
Anybody want to see my foreskin?
Macias?…Really?…Shit, I had tickets tonight.
Yeah, nobody ever gets hurt on our team.
G-remlin? That doesn’t rhyme with Enrique! I’m gonna call my agent. Macias gets a start over me?
Oh shit, I haven’t been hurt yet, have I ? Better clear me a spot in the training room, I’m due.
The Blue Jays don’t have any flyball hitters do they? Truth be told, I’m afraid of the ivory, too.
I got injured about an hour ago. I got my penis caught in DK’s old portable ass. Morris got his crank out though.
Yo, why you never link to my smartly writed articles? Go Sox!
I notice that late in the day the assholes start pooping all over Desipio. Andy, is it time to start to require registration?
I could have sworn Wells was once in the Cubs’ system. Maybe I did confuse him with Hinske. My mistake…
Naw man…ain’t no thang.
We’re dicks! We’re reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don’t like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn’t appropriate – and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves… because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don’t know much about this crazy crazy world, but I do know this: If you don’t let us fuck this asshole, we’re going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!
I could see how you could make that mistake, look like twins, we do.
Hebe, anyway? Is that short for something like “he be crazier than a mo’fo'” ?
29 posts and 75 minutes before someone calls out BC for thinking Vernon Wells was a Cubs prospect?
Does that just mean that no one reads BC’s comments all the way through?
My stuff is dominant tonight.
Is it “baby oil stink”?
or “body oil stink”???
…what did the 5 fingers say to the face?
Why are we so much better on the road? There has got to be a reason why we look half dead at home a good deal of the time, yet we look loose and smooth on the road.
Eric Hinske, taking the piss out of me, you are.
One thing I proved last night, was that the Blue Jays can’t hit the hanging slider. Good Times!!!!!!!!
But they can hit the batting practice fastball.