It’s official, there is a new pecking order in the race for ugliest Major League Baseball player.
In the past it went:
1. Julian Tavarez
2. Randy Johnson
And third place was so far off we just lumped the rest into “The Field.” But now, there’s a new challenger, and he might just be ugly enough to grab Tavarez by the pockmarks and toss him aside.
3. Gustavo Chacin
Holy crap is this guy ugly. He looks like a puffed up version of James Carville. His head must weigh 19 pounds. He’s so ugly, I’m sure the Cubs felt sorry for him and let him pitch those seven scoreless innings.
Right?
He’s just another Venezuelan f#$%, as Ozzie Guillen would say, but the Cubs had no answer for him. Then again, if you start Jerry Hairston and Jose Macias, chances are you won’t have an answer for anybody. This is more amazing when you consider that Chacin gave up only five hits and three of them were to Jerry and Jose.
Dusty’s going to take a lot of heat for the ninth inning “rally” that died when Macias grounded into a double play to end the game. The Cubs had scored a run to cut it to 4-1 and had runners on first and third. The Jays’ closer, former Cubs washout Miguel Batista didn’t look good. Todd Walker had grabbed a bat and strolled to the plate only to realize he was on deck because Macias was going to hit for himself and Todd was going to bat in the pitcher’s spot.
Instead of having Walker up as the tying run, it was Macias. All he had to do was avoid hitting into a double play to avert complete disaster. Oops.
There are two reasons why Dusty was right to let Macias hit.
1. Jose had two hits already. Hard to argue with success.
2. If you hit Walker for Jose you have to use Enrique Wilson or Hank White to hit for the pitcher. Neither of those choices is really attractive.
However, there are two reasons why Dusty was completely wrong to let Macias hit.
1. Jose had two hits already. Did anybody really think he had a third in him? Anybody? Especially since his hits had come righthanded, his natural side, and he was going to bat lefty against Batista.
2. Walker could have hit for Macias with Corey Patterson left to hit for the pitcher, but for some unknown reason Dusty used Patterson to hit for Hairston in the eighth. In essence, Dusty’s biggest screw up came in a non-rally in the eighth. Nice job, Skip!
Hairston did something useful though. He reminded anybody who wonders why he doesn’t play center more, why he doesn’t play center more. He botched a fairly easy play at the plate in the first inning with a three bounce throw from barely 160 feet away, then in the sixth he clanked a flyball off his glove. Thanks.
John Koronka got the start for the Cubs and I’m going to give you a detailed assessment of Koronka.
Ready?
He stinks.
His numbers look passable. Six innings, six hits, two walks, five strikeouts, four runs. But the Jays lineup wasn’t a real juggernaut last night. Plus, he killed himself in the second inning…twice. With one out and a runner on first he fielded a Chacin bunt and not only threw to second, but didn’t throw the ball hard enough to break a pane of glass on the way. If you’re going to gun the lead runner you need to gun the throw. If he goes to first the Jays have two outs and you’re one pitch away from getting out of the inning with nothing scoring.
Instead he threw an absolutely grooved “fast”ball to Reed Johnson who hit a three run homer. Drive home safely.
Koronka should have been given a pat on the back and a bus ticket to Des Moines after the game.
It was over for sure once Bob Brenly agreed with the assessment I made of John last week that he was Shawn Estes, Jr. The first one was so good, I really hope we see lots of his progeny. Guh.
The reality of it is that Chacin is a pretty good pitcher. Not so good that the Cubs shouldn’t have been able to scratch off of him with the wind blowing out on a hot June night, but if Chacin goes up against the great John Koronka ten times, he wins eight. The problem is that while tonight’s game is winnable with the great Glendon on the mound, tomorrow it’s Roy Halladay against the Meat Tray. Woof.
Stoney is starting to remind me of the kid who graduated from high school but still comes back to the games and hangs around the field the next season. Some of his work on The Score borders on being arrogant, but then again so did a lot of his stuff with the Cubs. To make matters worse, 80% of the callers tell him “we want you back” and stuff like that. It’s a shame that 2004 had to happen the way it did, but you kinda think Stoney should’ve just cut the ties, worked solely for ESPN, and got on with his career and life.
I, not a fastball, am what Korkonka threw to Reed “4 of my 25 career home runs have come in the four games I’ve played against the Cubs” Johnson.
Whatever it was it sat in the middle of the plate and yelled, “Hit me!”
Notice that I took a break from my graveyard shift at the Laguna Nigel Home Depot to contact Roz and offer up this golden nugget:
“Some guys had real problems in their personal lives and family lives because of that stuff (amphetamines). Baseball’s going to have to address that part of the problem, too.’’
Yes, baseball needs to focus it’s resources on fixing people’s family lives.
I’m as dumb of a human as I was as lousy of a pitcher.
Baseball shouldn’t help its players with substance abuse problems? If players are encouraged to use amphetemines in baseball culture and that causes problems in their personal and family life, MLB shouldn’t do anything to stop it? Really?
He does laundry once a week, but only brought 4 pairs of underwear? Eeeww.
I am what “maybe” Skiles thinks of his work and what the bulls were last season.
It would be smart, if that was the case, to squeeze each and every dollar with
an extension now, cause maybe I won’t be around next year.
If you think you were lucky, Scotty, you’d better sign that deal, pronto.
I’m on the MLB-TV Live Draft Show and I just used the word “transversely.”
Stick that up your ass Kasper and Ohman.
Am I really deserving of a top 5 coaching contract?
Am I really the Bulls savior?
one good year is proof I’m good and here to stay?
No.
No.
No.
You can like Scott all you want, but I need to see more before giving him the big bucks.
Interesting that Dave B. likens The Evil Stoney to a graduated high school student that hangs around the ballyard when Dave himself makes many mentions of umpiring at the hoppin’ Iowa diamonds. Who’s hanging around like a leech?
Yeah, what a loser Dave is, devoting some of his time umpiring high school games. What does he think he is, a pillar of the community? You know, we need fewer people like that! Get rid of those losers who ref HS football games and HS basketball games as well! Shit, the college officials are nothing more than the same type of guy who calls HS games, except probably a little more fanatical, so let’s get rid of them!
Yeah, Dave, what a big zero you are!
Step 1: Collect underpants.
Step 2: ?
Step 3: Profit.
Yeah, Brad may have a decent vocabulary, but I’m pretty sick of him throwing my name around like some fanatic. Thank your parents for once Brad, you’re starting to embarrass me as well as yourself.
Please stop saying this phrase. Even ironically. It’s just so stupid.
Dave,
As a former liitle league ump myself, I’m pretty well-versed in the rules of baseball. One that had me a little confused, however, was last night’s “K” by Reed Johnson.
What I remember about a foul tip is what our instructors (who spent time at Wendlstedt’s school in FLA so they could train us teenagers in the art of umping) would always tell us- “Don’t listen to Harry Caray when he says foul tip,” they would always say, ” because it’s only a foul tip when the catcher holds on to the ball. It’s a live ball. If the catcher drops it, it’s a foul BALL and, theredor, dead” (Pat Hughes is also guilty about identifying a foul tip from a barely nicked foul ball). However I also vaguely recall learning about the obscure situation that a foul tip could theoretically go off the catcher and straight up in the air 100 feet and, so long as the catcher still caught it, it would be still be a foul tip and, therefore,a LIVE ball”
Last night, though, Brenley started confusing me when he talked about it only remaining a foul tip if it ONLY makes contact with the catchers glove, and no other part of the catcher. Since Johnson’s foul hit Barret’s neck guard, chest protector and THEN his glove, Brenley was saying (although not terribly confidently) that it was a foul ball, not a foul tip (and strike three), and Johnson was still eligible to bat.
So what’s the call? Was Brenley right and the umps wrong? Or did the umps make the correct call and prove that Brenley, despite being a catcher AND a manager AND a broadcaster, has a hole in his head the size of Jim Tocco?
I am the Cubs’ first-round draft choice.
So we’re back to letting some no name lefty look like a Hall of Famer?
And yes, I was steamed as hell when I saw Macias come up to bat instead of Walker in the 9th. I know Jose had two hits already, but that is why you sit him. You have to pinch hit Walker in that situation. Even if you would have had to hit Wilson for the pitcher, you have to go with your best hitter in that situation. Dusty does as Dusty always does and fucked up in that situation.
It was nice seeing Korey’s ass on the bench though. Of course, Jerry the Lessor looked like an assclown out in center. He got lucky and didn’t actually cost the Cubs any runs with his defensive blunder. It’s a sight watching him and Dubois playing patty cake with the ball out there.
It was really great to see Sweaty Joe throwing that slider for a strike and damn near striking out the side. He threw eight out of nine pitches for strikes and no warning track shots. That’s a good night. Then Dusty yanked Joe and put in Grey Beard Remlinger. I just hope they are throwing old rag arm himself to show his trade value and he’ll be gone in a couple weeks. We don’t need to keep a washed up lefty.
I guess it’s up to Fish Lips Rusch to get back to winning again. Hopefully he’ll pitch a two hour game and the Cubs shutout the Jays tonight.
GO CUBS!
Baker Basher
If Baker Basher had any of me, he’d stay away today after his bold proclomation that Jerry the Lesser should get the start in Center last night.
Teej: You have overreacted. No one is telling Dave B. to stop umpiring. The irony of calling out Stoney for hanging around the ballyard was too obvious not to point out. Dave’s got his own crying towelâ€â€he doesn’t need you to wipe his nose.
And The Evil Stoney can only be retired with Chip Caray’s shoutouts.
…Except this stupid phrase was not originally ever said on Desipio, whereas all the Chip jokes were staples here. Didn’t some dumbass like Mariotti come up with it?
I imagine Still Dreamin’ and Keepin’ the Dream Alive are the same person who always anonymously posts on here that I’m “cryin'” when I make an observation. That’s OK, you don’t bother me. I’ve worked with nasty criminals for 15 years and officiated for 21 seasons, so nothing you can say will bother me or intimidate me.
Even though I owe you no explanation, I officiate high school and college sports because I enjoy it and I’m (usually) pretty good at it. It has absolutely nothing to do with “hanging on” to any “dream” I had. TJ was right when he pointed out that high school athletics needs decent people to coach and officiate the kids. I make good extra money and I have the balls to go out and do what a large percentage of people won’t. “Hanging around like a leech” is a hoot! Believe me, when my games are over, I’m gone. My critic is probably a lot like the goofs who sit in the stands and comment on every call that doesn’t go his team’s way. You think you can do better, than I’ll be happy to provide the contact info for any sport you’re interested in doing and I’ll do everything I can to get you into officiating.
Never mind the troll, Dave. What about my foul-tip question?
Not “hanging around like a leech?”
Didn’t you write this this morning on the messageboard?
:: I umpired a high school baseball doubleheader last night with a
:: young guy attending law school at the University of Iowa. After
:: the game, we were talking and he mentioned that he had been
:: an intern for two years with the Iowa Cubs!!!
Look, I’m not out solely to be a jerk (even if I am), but words have a history, and when you throw Stone under the bus, you have to realize you have tread-marks on your back as well.
And what’s with the anonymous posting complaint? Posting under “Dave B.” tells people everything, eh?
Remember what you wrote in that one post on December 14, 2003? I have to go retrieve it from my files, but I know it totally contradicts what you wrote on April 22, 2004. God@ WORDS HAVE A HISTORY, you know!
Now, now ladies. Simmer down.
From the Baseball Rulebook, Rule 6.05:
So, it sounds like they got it right, I think. If it had hit the umpire first then it wouldn’t have been an out, but since it hit the catcher> and did not “lodge in his paraphernalia” then it was an out.
Right?
I almost forgot… here’s the official rulebook:
http://mlb.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/mlb/official_info/official_rules/foreword.jsp
So, what’s the half-life of bringing up someone’s comments? It has to be within 3 hours, or forget it? I really doubt stalking counts as referencing something said the same day.
Grow a thicker skin, Stalker. If you don’t have enough confidence in something you wrote earlier in the day, don’t bother defending it.
I guess I actually exist, since I am in the rulebook?
Thanks, morpheus.
I think they made the wrong call–AND Brenley’s right–because the ball hit Barret’s neck guard, then chest protector, and then the glove.
So Brenley was right–the ball has to hit the glove FIRST. The first base ump probably just didn’t see that and assumed it hit his glove first.
Another good dose, and one assbag has to come in, get some people riled up, and suddenly it all goes south. This is starting to seem too familiar. What a shame.
Focus people! Focus! Nobody’s forcing you to reply to anything you don’t want to.
I’m going to go back to page two and jerk off to Gustavo Chacin’s mugshot. He’s a beauty!
This was the best one ever. Though it was on OnHoops, so I guess it doesn’t count as a Desipio Interview. Anyway, it’s relevant to today’s Dose.
June 1999
Interview With A Hamster
Article originally appeared June, 1999 on Balls! and OnHoops (God rest its soul.)
It was partly my good fortune, and partly the fact that I bribed him with a couple of Vienna Beef hot dogs, but I had a chance to sit down the other day with Chicago Bulls general manager Jerry Krause for an exclusive one-on-one chat. We talked about the future of the Bulls, his plans for Wednesday’s draft and much, much, more. I think you’ll find it very enlightening. Or something.
AD: Jerry, let’s get down to the big question right away. Are you going to use the top pick in the draft or package it in a trade?
JK: I can’t really comment on that.
AD: OK, let’s just say you are going to use the pick, who would you take?
JK: I’m really not free to discuss that.
AD: Fair enough. Let’s say the Lakers offer you Shaquille O’Neal and Kobe Bryant for the 16th overall pick that you got from Phoenix, would you do that deal?
JK: See, that’s a hypothetical, and I try not to deal with hypotheticals.
AD: Fine, Jerry. OK, there’s a 100,000 dollar bill laying on the floor and you can either pick it up and keep it, or stab yourself in the eyeball with a pen knife. Which one of those would you choose?
JK: Again, that’s a hypothetical situation. I’d have to assemble the scouts, the coaches and everybody else before I could make that decision.
AD: Is it safe to say that the Bulls will select someone in the draft on Wednesday?
JK: It wouldn’t be fair to my organization to release a detail like that.
AD: Jerry, can you confirm that there will even be a draft on Wednesday?
JK: I’d rather not say.
AD: Fine, can you at least give me the name of one player who you won’t be drafting? Just one name?
JK: We’ve studied film, scouted in person and interviewed hundreds of young men and it’s not fair to them if I divulge any of that information.
AD: What about me, Jerry? Am I on your draft board?
JK: Like I said, we’ve left no stone unturned.
AD: Jerry! I’m 26 and I haven’t played organized basketball since 1991! I can’t imagine that I’m on your draft list! Just give me something! A name, something! Throw me a freakin’ bone!
JK: OK, I can assure you we will not be drafting anyone who is deceased. I can’t believe I just dropped a bombshell like that. It kind of felt good.
AD: Yeah, it was really electric. Hoo boy. Alright, Jer, let’s play some word association. I’ll throw out a player’s name, you just say the first thing that comes to your mind about each guy, OK?
JK: Uh, I don’t know…
AD: Oh, just shut up and do it. OK–Steve Francis.
JK: No comment.
AD: Elton Brand
JK: I can’t really say anything.
AD: Lamar Odom
JK: I’m not at liberty to discuss this.
AD: Danny DeVito
JK: We’re considering a lot of options.
AD: Monica Lewinsky
JK: We’re going to do what’s best for the Bulls organization.
AD: Jar Jar Binks
JK: Our scouting has been extensive, and as a courtesy to those reports, I can’t really openly comment.
AD: Can you confirm that you breathe oxygen?
JK: The medical reports of all Bulls staff members are confidential and I can’t divulge that information.
AD: Boxers or briefs?
JK: When the time comes, I’ll issue a statement, until then I cannot comment.
AD: Fine, we’ve been here for twenty minutes and the biggest bit of info you’ve volunteered is that you won’t draft any dead people. I’ve got one last question and then you can start wasting somebody else’s time. How do you really feel about Phil Jackson?
JK: I think he’s an a@@h#$%.
So there you have it, the most in-depth, far-reaching interview ever held with Bulls reclusive GM Jerry Krause.
Can we just ignore the trolls, rather than giving them the jollies they so desperately seek by being engaged?
It’s one person anyway, that’s doing it.
Not “hanging around like a leech?â€Â
Didn’t you write this this morning on the messageboard?
:: I umpired a high school baseball doubleheader last night with a
:: young guy attending law school at the University of Iowa. After
:: the game, we were talking and he mentioned that he had been
:: an intern for two years with the Iowa Cubs!!!
I don’t get it, what exactly about this indicates that Dave B. is hanging around like leech? Is it that he dared to speak with the guy he was working the game with?
Dave doesn’t exactly strike me as the Wooderson type.
Mike,
I don’t think so. If Barrett had smothered the ball against hit chest guard or something, or if it had lodged in his protective gear, then it would not have been an out. However, he caught the ball in his glove after it bounced off of his chest protector and other paraphernalia, and before it hit the ground; that specific scenario is not listed in the rule. The part I bolded in the quote is the key. It was in his glove before it touched the ground, and none of the specifically listed scenarios applied, so the batter was out. The call was correct.
But morpheus, the last sentence in the rule–“If smothered against his body or protector, it is a catch provided the ball struck the catcher’s glove or hand first. “– leads me to conclude that the first thing the ball must hit after being struck by the bat is the catcher’s glove. Last night, the glove was the third thing that the ball hit.
Wow… is right. That’s why I’m going to stay quiet for a while.
Andy: What do you think of the new Wallflowers album? Surely you bought it, since you revealed yourself to be a fan with the posting of “When You’re On Top” in conjunction with the #1 ranking of Illinois back in winter…
Morpheus,
The key language is “If a foul tip first strikes the catcher’s glove and then goes on…”
and “provided the ball struck the catcher’s glove or hand first.” Those clauses show that Brenley and Mike are right.
I didn’t see the play that Mike D. mentioned, but if it didn’t directly go into the mitt or at least hit it first, I’d say it’s a foul/dead ball.
Sorry, Mike. I let somebody get me off track. It’s just the “leech” in the me.
Brenly may have been right, but I would have explained it before the pitch, knowing that very thing was about to happen.
The foul tip last night did hit Barrett’s glove first, then ricocheted off of pretty much every other piece of his equipment before he caught it again. The umps got it right.
Okay we got that settled.
Now let’s talk about that homerun that Moises hit at Enron against the Cubs in September, 2001.
I don’t think the language in the rule is clear about it at all. It says that the ball is legally caught if it is in the glove before it hits the ground. It then goes on to list specific situations, none of which apply to the play last night. The ball did not lodge in clothing or paraphernalia. The ball did not hit the umpire. It did not hit the glove first and then go on to hit the catcher. It was not smothered against the catcher’s body or protector. Since none of these apply to the situation last night, I would argue that the first sentence in the rule applies.
I still want to talk about Majkowski’s “legal” forward pass against the Bears at Lambeau in 1989.
It did hit the glove first? OK…
I just found this on MLB.com also. Looks like you guys were right.
http://www.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/mlb/official_info/official_rules/definition_terms_2.jsp
I stand corrected. Now, what about that Moises homerun?
Ah yes, the Majik Man. We could talk about Vinny Testaverde’s “touchdown” against the Seahawks in 1998… when the officials mistook his white helmet for the football…
1) Moises’ hime run falls under Enron’s ground rules.
2) The Bears’ media guide still has an a sterisk next to that Packers game. At the bottom of the page, denoting the asterisk, it merely says, “Instant Replay Game”
With the 200th pick in the 2005 draft the Cubs select Stone Farnsworth–the illegimate son on Kyle
Don’t hate me cuz I’m beautiful.
Na noo…na noo.
I did buy Rebel, Sweetheart and after several listenings, it sounds pretty much just like Red Letter Days. The songs are never bad, but you just get the feeling they should be better. All in all, it’s pretty good, but I was kind of hoping the Wallflowers would take a step up and they have yet to do that.
The Cubs drafted me 100 and I’ve already signed. See Skiles, it’s easy!
Oops, I guess the first rounder already signed. He’s a Boras client, so see Skiles, it’s super easy!
He should immediately take Koronka’s next start. He can’t be any worse.
Yeah, bring him right away! See how well that worked for me?
I’ll do it!
The Cubs should start this #1 pick on Friday vs. Boston.
Me too, you sissies! I started pitching in the bigs when I was like…9, or something. That was after enlisting to fight in 2 wars at the ripe old age of like…6, or something like that. I’m old, my memory’s not what it used to be. I’ll have the Stuffed French Toast, with a side of sausage links…not patties…links, dammit! What was I saying?
David Clyde huh? So that’s the kind of Texas Fireballer I should aspire to be.
The Sox picked me because they thought I was gay pornstar…they figured they’d beat the redbirds to the punch.
You mean so you guys didn’t take him.
Gay pornstars are everywhere by Wrigley, including at third base!!!
“Gay pornstars are everywhere by Wrigley, including at third base!!! ”
What language is that? Mizzurah?
Matt Morris and Lassie Edmonds miss me oh soo much!!!
Ya’ all is just jealous as pie, buhcuz we like to put our minorotays in thems place! Theys belong in the fields, in jail, in the graveyard, or on them there sportin’ fields.
At third base? I believe Ken Reitz spent most of his career with the Cards.
And I looked kinda like Mr. Perfect, who was totally not gay.
I am the new T- Rex album that’s coming out. I suggest that those among you who like to rock, should purchase me.
My best line was when I was asked what the worst part about being traded by the Cubs was and I said, “They made me keep my season tickets.”
I was Born to Boogie, baby!
Mariotti generally gives sports figures crap for being too thin-skinned when it comes to their reaction to the media. But not when such a conclusion would interfere with his agenda (ripping Reinsdorf being at the top thereof). Honestly, read Groucho’s column from yesterday. Hardly a hit piece, hardly worthy of the crybaby antics of Skiles. Groucho cited other published reports regarding the offer (that is, he was not the first to report them).
No, Jay wouldn’t want to place any blame on Skiles or his agent for pissing and moaning about a generous offer. Contrary evidence doesn’t matter to those with blinders.
Marc Bolan was Born to Boogie too.
Just read this now. Skiles signed his extension, mainly because he decided to call Reinsdorf himself and get it done. Just like Phil’s extension negotiation from 1996 and 1997 (losing Musberger and Krause), Reinsdorf and the coach did the work without their respective reps.
This sucks. As usual, Mariotti and Smith (when has Skiles ever left a job in a Larry Brown sense? In Greece? He was even on incompetent Danny Ainge’s bench for three years before taking over in Phoenix) are way off, but Reinsdorf is looking like an idiot here. Say what you want about Abe Pollin’s puddin’ spoon, but Reinsdorf’s insistence on doin’ work 1972-style is perpetually frustrating.
Christ, I bet coaches had agents in 1972, as well …
You won’t fool the Children of the Revolution. Sounds like someone on this board knows how to rock. Rock on KD, you cosmic dancer.
I gotta get traded to the NL central.
I’m the only one of Corey Pattersons “five tools” that has a parking pass.
We just got swept by the Blue Jays at home. Weeeeeeeeee!
We’re just trying too hard again.
Skiles realized he was me
Where’s the link to the Clement story? Someone point me to it…