Jim Hendry is “confident” he can improve the Cubs before the trading deadline. I am, too. All he has to do is release Enrique Wilson. Poof! You’re better!
Mark Prior says he feels “great”. Nobody asks me how I feel.
Phil Rogers tries to make a case for deserving Chicago All-Stars who might not get picked. Since we know Mark Buehrle, Jon Garland and Derrek Lee are going, he focuses in on Paul Konerko (oh, God why?), the Sox Gay Sex Toy Leftfielder, Cliff Politte, Dustin Hermanson and E-ramis. No mention of Neifi? You bastard. He says Tony LaRussa will take E-ramis because a) the starter, Scott Rolen’s a gimp and b) Tony won’t want to anger a Cub before the last 13 (isn’t it 14?) meetings of the season. I’m sure Tony’s just all-consumed out of fear of pissing off the Cubs. E-ramis should make the team because right now he’s the best third baseman in the National League. Period.
Groucho with more info on Jerry Sloan’s erection.
Teddy G on Charlie Weis’ love of the media.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to be so dumb it’s painful. Get this. He says that Bulls’ shouldn’t give Eddy Curry a max contract because of the possibility he’ll have a grabber on the court and die. That’s true. Then he says the Bulls should do a sign-and-trade of Eddy (not bad), and pick up Zydrunas Ilgauskas to play center. Huh? Wait. What’s more likely? That Eddy will have a heart attack before his 27th birthday or that Ilgauskas will break one of his feet for the SEVENTEENTH time? Try again, Doughnut Boy.
Carlos says he has to trust his catcher. Well, if it’s Henry, sure. If it’s Michael? Not so much.
I thought Steve Stone went away?
Don’t look now, but the Cleveland Indians are in the thick of the wild card chase in the AL and coming fast.
Paxson says even with no picks the draft night stuff will go on as usual in the Berto Center. Jerry Krause will be at his house in Deerfield drafting imaginary power forwards.
Deron Williams is surging! Or something.
Danny Ferry? What, Mark Alarie wasn’t available?
If the Orioles do this they’re nuts, and the Cubs will have a hell of a time catching the Marlins.
Bret Boone stinks, but both Jamie Moyer and Randy Winn are available in Seattle.
The Giants might be looking to dump Jason Schmidt, Omar Vizquel, Mike Matheny and Moises.
Jake Luft says it’s time to trade for Ichiro. Oh, wait, he’s writing it from a fantasy owner perspective. Silly me, I was hoping the Mariners were ready to dump the little fella.
Mark Mulder wonders what’s wrong with him? Well, Mark, you’ve got a bum hip and a sore elbow, other than that, you’re aces! What a great trade that was for the Cardinals. Especially considering that Danny Haren has outpitched Mulder and they threw in Kiko Calero and Daric Barton, too!
Bobby Valentine says that the so-called World Cup of baseball is insulting to Japan because the MLB is going to get 60 to 70 percent of revenues. Yeah, and they’re supplying 94 percent of the good players. Screw off, Bobby V.
The world’s greatest newspaper says President Bush is going to name Yoda as the new Homeland Security Chief. Good idea that is.
So, how are you, Andy?
You have no video of me missing the cutoff man! There is no video!
“worthless, allegedly speedy utility man”
Worthless? Yes.
Allegedly speedy? No, Jerry the Lesser’s speedy all right, he just doesn’t know how to run the bases which, of course, makes his speed totally irrelevant. Kind of like Dwight Smith. You would think the son of a big-leaguer would have better baseball instincts but his statue-of-liberty play on Patterson’s bloop hit in Milwaukee that turned into a forceout, when Helen Keller would have been able to discern that the ball was going to drop, as well as his inability to score on Patterson’s infield grounder Saturday that Iguchi dove for (maybe hejust hates Patterson too?), not to mention his atrocious 6-13 stolen base ratio, sort of proves that but he doesn’t, in fact, know how to run the friggin bases. Like good ole’ Smitty, he’s got wheels, he just needs a flashlight and map when he’s, you know, running.
But can he sing?
I loved the Stone Pony when he was the best color man in baseball, but as an outsider/media gadfly, I’m sick of his bitter ass. Go home to the desert, Cigar Boy
Of course, the Score has kind of made a habit of running bitter ex-athletes out there for our consumption.
Right, Gale Sayers? Et tu, Norm VanLier?
Sloth,
I’m never hiring you to be the lifeguard at my pool again!
No All-Star love for me, Andy?
Outside of your boyfriend LoDuca, and Ponch there’s no NL catcher having a better all-around year than me.
I will be sending Kelton, Remlinger, and Wellemeyer to Seattle for everyday Eddie and Randy Winn.
Screw you, Michael! I am the All-Star Catcher!
My HWEqBA is .500! What is yours? .275? Hah!
Not so fast, Jimbo. Kelton, Wellemeyer, Remlinger AND Enrique Wilson or no deal.
you still have doubts if we are nuts because of the potential deal we are about to make with the marlins?
How about some proof that we indeed are nuts: WE TOOK SAM-ME!!
Last night, in my start 27 of my first 30 pitches were fastballs. I am in love with one pitch. Maybe that’s why my ERA is so high, I must have shaken Fasano off at least 2 times every at bat until he finally started calling all fastballs. Then I started getting hit. My breaking stuff is okay but I never use it. What I am getting at, is I could basically be a clone of Burnett, altough my curve isn’t as good, but I insist on acting like I know best. I am 5 years younger and I throw just as hard. Why would the Orioles trade their future away? With a little coaching, and a little less hard headedness I could be a good right handed starter. Why trade me and my cheap contract for a guy who is due for a big payday, and who’s elbow has been reconstructed?
Remember when we were bad mouthing the Cubs and their fans saying shit to the effect of, they don’t know what they are losing, He’s gonna tear it up for us…blah…blah….etc…boy do we look stupid. Had we watched this guy at all the last few years?
In my gay and infintite wisdom, I predicted a huge year for Sosa. I am such a hero worshipper it’s sick. I would lick any MLB players jockstrap clean, just to be around him. I am terrible.
I thought Sammy’d have a big homer year, not so much in the average, but he’s been awful.
Question…
If the Bulls sign Curry to the max contract, and he dies of a heart-attack, wouldn’t it mean that the Bulls would off the hook for the contract? And wouldn’t that be an argument FOR signing Curry to said contract?
{just sitting here trying in vain to reach my arms all the way around my back to pat it}
By the looks of the picture at the top of this page, we’ve got so much smaller since our owner came off the juice that he’s stopped elasticating his sleeves to show us off.
You guys should sign Eddie to a long term deal, he’ll be fine…trust me.
Why can’t the Chicago dailies have smart, detailed, informative stories on things like pitching mechanics and coaching like I do? This is arguably the only sort of story that a daily reporter can do better than bloggers or the BP stat-head guys can do. But in Chicago? Just game recaps and rehashing the daily press release talking points from the Cubs.
Great town…awful sportswriters.
The Trib sports page is awful, led by that clown Dan McGrath. Have you ever heard this dickwad interiewed by Boers and Bernstein? What a weenie.
What I find interesting is that all three major dailies have the same stuff in them from Day One in Spring training. What crap.
“Don’t be so smarmy, just say hello!”
That is an example of how I have began a conversation with Boers and Bernstein.
Actually, I still have the elastic in my sleeves. Buddy.
We are so pathetic, that we allowed the one soox fan with a computer to hack in and pad the votes in our poll. And rather than fix it, or you know, get some better firewalls, we gave a pansy ass editors note telling everyone to have fun. Every sports page and writer in this town is a joke…a fucking joke.
will be watching Sammy & his agent beg some perennial 4th place team for a contract this winter. Poor delusional pock-faced bastard…
Did someone say bad writing? Why am I passed off as a great writer by the always painful espn? I mean, I am like a partially autistic guy who gets a hold of a phone book, and tries to rearrange it, but it still looks like a reatrd did it, beccause I don’t have the valuable part of autism. I mean how can a win be worth more than onw win? Why do people liste to me? Why do they actually pay for my articles…anyone?
Hey Sam, my man, just chill dude. The Cubs have a history of taking formerly-great players at the very end of their careers and giving them a home. You’ll be back in Chicago no problem, buddy.
Andrew Bogut is crumpled up under your couch, Andy? That’s slightly disturbing.
If the Blazers keep the #3 pick, gotta think they take Chris Paul, even though they drafted Sebastian Telfair last year. Paul is the only player on the board to have undisputably punched someone (Julius Hodge) in the jimmy last year — and that’s just oh so Blazer.
Clearly though, the biggest winner in this draft will be all of us that stay up late enough to hear Shavlik Randolph’s name called. There’s the day Kennedy was shot, the day the Challenger blew up, the day A.C. chauffeured O.J. and the day that Shavlik Randolph enters the league. It’s a historical event you’ll someday be telling your children’s children about.
You want to hear Shavlik’s name called? I think the CBA draft is in August.
I am a Gladiator, we always come back to the stage, we are always prepared to do battle.
Don’t hate the Shavlik, Andy. Hate the game.
I urge you… the red-blooded, SUV drivin’ Amuricans to “stay the course” with Sammy. He’s a good shit.
Sammy, along with A-Rod, will hit 50 homers this year. Oh well, at least one prediction may come true.
Chad Ford’s receding hairline says it’s a done deal. The #3 pick to the Jazz for #6, #27 and a future first. 50% chance Deron plays in Utah next year, 50% chance he doesn’t and Chris Paul hits him in the jimmy on his way to the podium….
My mommy has to cut my meat for me.
I’m predicting that Doug Davis–he of the 134 career victories against the Cubs–will not get out of the first inning tonight.
Didn’t Shavlik withdraw his name from the draft? That’s the best move he’s made on or off the court in several years.
I hear Shav’s momma’s got big hands…
Dave B. didja listen to those Peoria Chiefs last night? Sean Gallagher, he of the 1.43 ERA pitched 7 innings of shutout ball against our own CR Kernels. I listened on 1600 AM and the play-by-play guy was going nuts over Gallagher’s curveball. Btw this was the first I’d heard of 3B Aaron Sisk. What’s the scoop on this guy? Looks like Peoria has some good prospects on this club: Ryan Harvey, Gallagher, Luis Montanez (OK not so good), Gallagher and Sisk. Looking forward to seeing these guys when they come to CR in July.
Kind of hard to consider me much of a prospect. Sure, my numbers look good, but I’m also a twenty-three year old pinning back the ears of a bunch of teenagers.
Kind of hard to know why the Cubs haven’t released Montanez. is it because they still believe he could make it? because it’s embarrasing to the guys who draft talent? or because he might be a toss-in on a July trade?
He’s getting first round money. They’ll promote him to West Tenn next year, he’ll hit .235 and then get released.
You know who else is getting first-round money?… Shavlik Randolph — that’s who!
Coach K didn’t know what to do with the Shav, couldn’t understand what makes the Shav tick. You know who could understand? The Miami Heat with the #29 pick — that’s who!
2006 Miami Heat: Shav and Shaq, and oh yeah — Flash! Shavvvvvvvvvvv-tastic!
I also predicted Korey would be a 30-30 guy.
I jst don;’t think they’ve released Montanez because there’s no real reason to. His bonus has already been paid. He didn’t get drafted in the rule V draft, so he doesn’t have ot be on the 40-man roster. I think he’s turned into what is known as organizational filler…
My First Round Picks:
1995-Kerry Wood (at #5, even a blind squirrel’s gonna unearth one…)
1996 Todd Noel (G’UH!)
1997 Jon Garland (on whom I subsequently spazzed out and traded for a crappy reliever)
1998 Patterson (#3….see above…and even CP’s questionable right now)
1999 Ben Christiansen (that was cute. Thought I was going to “steal” him at the bottom of the 1st round. NOT)
2000–Montanez (Currently on teh Earl Cunningham track–aka barely scratched AA)
Boy, thank God for the sheer ineptitude of Jim Frey and Larry Himes; otherwise my legacy would be even worse than it is.
who you calling a “bold, bug eyed freak”?
BOLD, bug eyed freak? that would be me
BALD, bug eyed freak? that would be you uncle fester….and jeromy
Hot rumor of the day:
Cedeno getting called up and Enrique being released. Anyone know if this is true?
I’m up, Bitches!
And I’m down!
Where am I on this bullshit Cedeno-Joe Camel thing?
Source?
ESPN 1000 supposedly.
Its Here too…
And a fond fairwell to the Enrique Wilson era… who knew enough about Yankee Stadium to hit .229 there.
It’s official.
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/transactions
umm..Jake, I am coming back to Duke to give you all the “best fans in college basketball” a chance to watch my skills.
I’d walk a mile for a Camel
Let’s face it, I told Shav to beat it. I need that scholarship for other guys. Besides, I’m a leader, not a coach. I’m also one of the world’s biggest phonies. I should die.