Rick Morrissey writes about Corey’s struggles, and at the end points out that neither he, nor his Tribune editor have a clue what the schedule looks like this month. The Cubs’ come back from the All-Star break on July 14, not the 15th, to play Pissburgh in a game rained out earlier in the season.
Greggie was cruising along like old times for a while last night. For a while.
Only the Cubs could go from bad to worse in the leadoff spot. Literally, only the Cubs.
Hendry says as of right now he’s buying not selling, and he should be. The NL Wild Card race is going to be a mess the whole way. And, I made him a handy list he can consult when it comes time to trade.
Teddy G. reads the sometimes funny Heckler.
Derrek Lee’s shoulder hurts and the Cubs are feeling it.
Jim Hendry’s not going to panic. No, he’s going to eat.
Hairston just wants to lead off. You watch, Dusty will use Hollandsworth at first and Dubois in left just to avoid using Jerry.
The Wizard of Roz on the Anti-Christ’s snub of Ryne Sandberg, and way too optimistic views of the current Cubs’ situation and Kenny Williams’ ability to manuever. Oh, and will somebody shut Sanjay up. His trades always suck.
Ken Rosenthal says Preston Wilson wants to be a Cub and can veto any trade to the other team in the hunt, the Nationals. Hey Preston, go to Washington, they’re going to the playoffs.
America’s finest news source replays a classic, this one the harrowing tale of a hamster who escaped a toy monster truck crash.
Yeah, Corey’s really in a bad way right now. I haven’t seen a dropoff that dramtic since…
Apparently, the Sox will trade for a front line starter, and a great bull pen arm. And then they will win it all. Naturally, I Believe that they, you know, won’t have to give anything of value away in return…since Kenny Williams is known for robbing hopeless teams of their talent for next to nothing…oh wait, that’s Hendry…whoops.
Not only must Dusty hate Jerry, but he probably resents Hendry bringing Jerry here.
Read this insightful piece.
Here it is.
Judging by the first paragraph, I’ve been hanging out with that guy who posts here as sox fan.
F you France, 2012 Olympics bitches !
That’s OK, Paris. We really don’t want the Olympics, and neither should you. I mean, look at the chaos and ridiculous gov’t expenditures an Olympics games would cause. Of course, if we had all the Olympic venues up and ready to go, we’d probably have had the Olympics. I can’t think of any North American city though, with a downtown Olympic stadium, multiple indoor arenas serviced by public transportation, yachting and kayaking facilities, and plenty of places to put up an Olympic Village… Can I?
We have the tube dammit ! We are the super race ! Mind the Gap ! The people here are friendly, and pleasant to look at…the food is great…aww, who am I kidding ?
I … must … kill … the … Queen.
I … must … kill … the … Queen.
I … must … kill … the … Queen.
Not if I can help it. Now where is Nordberg ?
Food?!? The food in Britain sucks! Only the Finland has worse food. Stupid Fins. Wait, they’re on the Olympic Committee? Two of them? Sacre bleu!
Hi Drebin,
I’m out in Miami looking for the real killers, golfing, doing lines with Pedro Guererro, stealing the NFL package on DirecTV, and appearing in card shows.
I’m not saying that I’m Sanjay H or that “I told you so”, but it was apparent to me from Spring Training that Hairston just doesn’t get it. There had to be reason Dusty didn’t like him right away and play him in LF in Cactus League games (he wasn’t a rookie). He’s just a dope. Watch him when he steps to the plate: he looks like he’s all keyed up and almost hyperventilating as he takes these wild practice swings. I think he just gets so wound up that he loses focus on what’s going on around him (which could explain the missed signs). Even Baltimore eventually tired of him.
Whether you like him or not, and I’m not a huge fan of him, he’s a much better option than the human braincramp who’s playing center right now.
Corey might be “righteous dude”, Dusty, but he sucks, and he’s killing an already sickly offense.
Did you know that the Brewers (+26 runs) actually are a better team than the Nationals (0 run differential)? In fact, I’ve already penciled them in for the Neyer World Series.
Hey Andy,
Corey’s been going the opposite way a lot. How can you forget the ever-popular late loopy swing pop up to third?
Sometimes when I google things Cub-related, I find old Doses lying around. It’s kind of cool to see how Desipio has progressed visually but it’s even better to note that Dolan continues to improve his writing with practice. I wonder what else he reads besides the linked articles to keep him sharp. Hunter S. Thompson? Tom Wolfe? Maybe he just reads the Onion. Whatever works. I found one from Jan. 04 today and burrowed deep in it’s mid-section was this priceless gem:
“For me, Eckersley DQ’d himself for Hall consideration when he and Tony LaRussa had the same haircut for 10 years.”
I about shot salad through my nose when I read that. Ha!
I think Andy has only gotten better because of a steady diet of paint thinner and my columns.
I’m a moran. I’m “Hoops” that the idiot teenagers on NSBB worship. None of my “trades” even make sense. What a zero.
No, I’m “Hoops”.
“There had to be reason Dusty…” No, really, there never seems to be a reason for anything Dusty does.
“I about shot salad through my nose…” Maybe next time it will be your Chardonnay, you fruit. I mean, we all eat salad occasionally, but no one else brags about it.
I just want to know who eats salad at 11 AM? Very early lunch, I guess.
I believe something like 40 percent of the United States’ population and 75 percent of Canada’s population live in me, making Apex’s lunch at noon.
What the hell?
Actually, if you must know, it was a delightful and refreashing spring salad…the trick is to top it all off with fresh mandarin orange slices…yum.
Topping your salad off with a liberal sprinkle of crushed walnuts, makes for a delightfully crunchy way to spice it up…oh yeah, good source of fiber as well.
Everyone who eats salad is gay! Corey is a little fag!
Reading me kills more brain cells than crack.
Yeah Apex, quit bragging about your damn salads. I had to eat a moldy washcloth for breakfast.
Carrot shavings add a festive look, and an equally scrumpscious taste. Sprinkle your carrot shavings over the top of any salad…stand back…admire…dig in.
If you read through most of my NSBB posts, you will see that I have Mr. Barry fooled. I usually find stuff online and post it in a question to NSBB ers. Then after I get feedback, I send to Mr. Barry.
Sanjay, quit your day dreaming and get back to work…the computer is not for personal use.
My pussy makes the most delectible salad even more satisfying when used as a serving dish. The key is in the natural dressing and pleasent odor eminating from within.
I wouldn’t call 28 at-bats in 8 games a drop-off for Mr. Gehrig. That would be a pretty crude statement.
What Corey’s done this year in 300 ab’s or so, however..
I think I suck
I would argue that anyone lampooning as me and making reference to a sudden, (then) inexplicable decline was making a crude statement. Which was actually my point.
My point was that Corey is effing it up.
If Corey had any real sense, he’d find out that he’d contracted a rare and deadly disease which has caused his team to die a slow, painful and gruesome death. I’ll let the Kill Korey Now crowd devise a catchy name… something like Korey Patterson’s disease. Sickly Strut Anemia… you know, something horrible.
Yeah Lou, we can K ALS together !
Don’t make me get all ‘stache on you guys.
Hang ThE LitTLe FAgGIT!!!
Don’t make me go all Popo on you guys.
Forgot to leave my web addy.
Roz is a moran. what exactly would we do with corey? but that’s not even the real issue with the trade, it’s the new Cub lineup he proposes. if Soriano ever saw his name 6th in any lineup, there just might be a new version of Operation Shutdown. If you guys don’t like Corey’s lack of patience, you would have a tough time with Soriano’s too. The impatience goes nicely with 9th inning errors in close games, K’s with men on 3rd and less than 2 outs, $8M, and a side of selfishness. And no, i don’t care about the 40 HRs that come with it, we have enough of those. For every game he wins with the bat, he takes one away with the glove. Soriano for Wood and Walker…sign here
I already turned you clowns down in December, don’t make me deal with you now.
Here is the thread where I first floated my trade idea with the Rangers…
http://www.northsidebaseball.com/Forum/viewtopic.php?t=22572
I would have gone into more detail, but those bastard kids knocked over a whole rack of Terrara Pan candies and I had Lemonheads and Charlie Chans rolling all over the store!
I love salad
with carrots
and mandarin oranges
and Martha Stewart……
Dub Dub.
and Farrara Pan candy…..and Torco Oil, and Old Style, and Jack Brickhouse and Lou Boudreau and Dave Kingman……
and Steve Ontiveros, and Manny Trillo, and Llyn McGlothlan, and Scott Thompson
and Lou Gehrig
They’re a little sensitive over there, aren’t they?
I hate Curt Schilling as much, if not more than anybody else, but this is a pretty selfless move, and one that a former Texas high school phenom who needed 100 pitches to get through five innings the other night might want to take note of.
http://www.boston.com/sports/baseball/redsox/articles/2005/07/06/francona_schilling_headed_to_bullpen/
Thanks Andy, my bloody sock and I thank you. Let’s K ALS together.
Here’s another piece of great reading. It’s about our pal Joe Morgan and well…how dumb he is.
http://www.sfweekly.com/Issues/2005-07-06/news/feature_1.html
Okay, despite my little 3 game slump, I am a good hitter and all…but why the hell am I batting third today instead of Aramis Ramirez? And why is freaking Jose Macias starting at 2b and BATTING SECOND instead of Little Jerry?
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?
Tonight’s lineup is the worst yet this year:
N. Perez SS 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .269
J. Macias 2B 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .264
T. Walker 1B 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .288
A. Ramirez 3B 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .304
T. Hollandsworth LF 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .283
J. Burnitz RF 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .276
M. Barrett C 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .257
C. Patterson CF 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .232
M. Prior P 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .222
Wow,
Dusty must HATE Jerry Jr.
What do you mean, dude, pipsqueak Jerry is my first PH off the bench.
Oh, wait, we got that tall white kid that whiffs a lot….so he’s my second bat off the bench. That’s an important piece of the team, man.
Time to do a rain dance.
Who knew you spell KKKorey with three K’s?
How sick is it that Neifi is only hitting 5 points better than Stripe?
Pray that I destroy Turner Field before the game.
Why ? …so we can lose this game as part of a double header at a later date ?
How is it that the Cubs consistently have at least 1 and quite often 2 guys with sub .300 OBP batting in the first two spots? To the extent that the Cubs weren’t dead before this series, staying alive meant not getting swept by the WC leader. And this is what’s being trotted out there.
Ahh, at least I won’t have to WATCH the game. Hear that, WGN-TV and Tribune Co.? I will not watch the game tonight! Hear that, advertisers? I won’t be watching the game and learning about your terrific products.
Hey, you guys think this lineup is bad? Just wait til tomorrow — no DLee, Jerry will still be grounded, and Walker can’t start games against lefties.
Hell, I just might trot out a 1-2-3 of Neifi, Jose and Corey!
Win, or whatever it takes to get your Dave B to stop hanging onto my leg like a tenacious little Van Gundy.
You’re so sure Jerry the lesser would have more success against me than Stripe? Whatever. Six of one half dozen of the other… that’s K’s in your top three spots and hits for the whole team tonight, bitches. And I’ll bet you a bag of fertilizer that Prior gets one of those hits. Hollandsworth and Burnitz get one a piece. Two harmless singles from Ramirez and a single to be named later off of our pen.
God you guys SUCK!!!!
we are stupid too.
I’m finally going to be on National TV today.
I hope Neifi and Jose Macias are ready to shine.
all around us
rotschild, dusty, kkkkkkkkorey, macias, neifi, wood & gray beard
for a super size bag of potato chips and a 24 pack of Dr Pepper.
And if the trade can’t be made, I’ll settle for a regular size bag and a 12 pack, to make the deal.
No game tonight, so I’ll use the time off to work on my hitting…….haha, just kidding!
I’ma chill with some big-tittied stripper instead.
don’t worry, I´ll find a way to screw the lineup for the make up date, dudes
No Me Tonight!!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Open Letter to Dusty,
I am alread dead, please stop stabbing me in the back
Gotta make sure it’s dead, dude. It ain’t…gotta have faith bro. My teams always finish strong, just like last year. Just waiting to make a move, man. Ah…who am I kidding…I’m trying to get fired.
Insider sources say, that I am on my way to the White Sox.
Me too, bitches.
I’m getting both AJ Burnett and Jason Schmidt all in one day? That’s pretty good work.
Don’t forget about me!!!!
I’m also going to the White Sox. They’re going to have like 15 pitchers on that roster.
Dusty walked in while I was pooping on his desk last week and now I’m in trouble.
Hey, can I be on the White Sox?
No thanks, we only employ hall of famers, and people with top- shelf talent, maybe the cubs will have you back…loser.
I’m neither clever nor funny. I’m just… dumb.
I want out of Philly and I want to go to the white sox.
Hall of Fame, here I come!
Hey Juan, maybe we can split a cab to Cooperstown?
I would like to thank the greatest fans in the world for voting me in. I deserve the honor as much as my teammate Konerko does. We are the tits, thank you sox fans. I can’t wait to see my good buddy David Eckstein.
You’re Welcome, Scotty. Sorry we couldn’t figure out this internet thing to get you in the starting line-up.
You like this lineup better? It’s for Dubois’s scrapbook.
Jerry Hairston Jr., CF
Neifi Perez, 2B
Aramis Ramirez, 3B
Jason Dubois, LF
Jeromy Burnitz, RF
Todd Walker, 1B
Ronny Cedeno, SS
Henry Blanco, C
Mark Prior, P
Are we Live! or Memorex today?
Are they playing a split-squad somewhere else today?
Hey Dusty, don’t you know Walker can’t play against lefties? Better let me handle 1b.
proves that the Cubs are totally doomed. There’s nothing Mark Kotsay or Preston Wilson or Nomar Garciaparra can do to save this bunch. They have got to Nuke this thing.
Trade Burnitz, Patterson, Hairston, Walker (he has value) Rusch, Hollandsworth, Remlinger, Maddux. Trade them all. Let’s watch Pie, Rich Hill, Raul Valdez, Jermaine Van Buren and D. Lee take on the world and with the Cubs starting pitching and a healthy Nomar, .500 isn’t out of the question. That would be more interesting than this carnage. It feels like 1999 all over again.
Tonight we’re gonna party like it’s 1999!!!
Damn, that was a good salad.
I am delightful and refreshing.