It’s like this is on a loop…Kerry Wood is hurt again.
Nomar will spend the weekend whupping up on Rookie League pitching in Mesa. Who wants to bet me that one of the rookies hits him with a pitch and breaks his wrist? Anybody? You’re damn right you don’t want to bet me. You like keeping your money.
Greg Maddux could become the ninth pitcher to combine 300 wins with 3,000 strikeouts today. He needs six more strikeouts, and it’s kind of a long shot because you expect both he and Eric Milton are in for short-homer-filled afternoons. When Maddux does it, he’ll join only one other man, Fergie Jenkins in the 3,000 strikeouts with less than 1,000 walks club. Both wore 31 for the Cubs. Oooh, spooky! How come Kevin Foster didn’t do it, then?
Phil Rogers says Greg Maddux is short. Yeah, Phil, well you’re ugly and you need a haircut.
Toni Kukoc could be coming back to the Bulls! Great, the Bulls will be two deep at foreign, white, unbathed forward.
Good news Sox fan(s) you get Matt Clement tonight. In his last start, he showed all the signs (including literally gazing to the bullpen for help) of another July swandive.
I think Tom Lemming and his ilk are creepy. They follow 14, 15, 16 and 17 year old boys around and call them incessantly. Didn’t John Wayne Gacy get a lethal injection for this kind of thing?
So, Corey, do you really think you’ll change anything? “Not really.”
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to phone in another half-assed effort. He’s in Washington this week rendering PTI completely unwatchable.
Dusty says the Cubs can catch the Cardinals. The Cubs are more likely to catch VD than the Cardinals. And for some of them, I hear it’s already too late.
The Bears are hurting and training camp hasn’t even started yet. Wow. Great.
Tedy Bruschi will sit out the season recovering from a stroke and trying to find the missing d in his first name.
The Wizard of Roz is back from another vacation to state the White Sox should get Billy Wagner. At this point, Robert Wagner would cost you three prospects and a life jacket. Though the life jacket comes about 34 years too late. You know, what’s the only kind of wood that doesn’t float?
Mike Lowell’s presence is killing trades left and right.
The Red Sox want JC Romero, Cesar Romero and JC Chasez.
Ken Griffey wants out of Cincinnati. Fine, screw Dunn, bring Junior on the flight to St. Louis.
Livan Hernandez is nuts and if he really does have knee surgery the Cubs and Astros are looking good for that wild card.
Luh-loyd has one foot out the door. The Cubs will miss him, though. They’ve beaten him 19 of the last 22 times they’ve faced him.
If you want Juan Pierre, just root for the Marlins to be unable to dump Mike Lowell on anybody. The Marlins desperately want to dump salary so they can sign Dontrelle to a long term contract and Pierre will get a fat raise in arbitration.
Ken Rosenthal says Alfonso Soriano should be the target of either New York team. He’s talented, but he’s 30 now, he makes lots of money and still won’t hustle or take a walk. He’s like Corey only lazy, older and more expensive.
America’s finest news source on how a new puppy has taught Congress something about responsibility.
About the bet on Nomar’s wrist…are you willing to increase my chances by specifying which wrist?
If the Dunn deal was just for K-Patt and Sergio, I’d say do it. I don’t like throwing Hill in there unless the Reds have a catching prospect to send back.
Wow. First the groin and then the wrist? How will he find any release, if you know what I mean?
And how do the Sox still have any prospects to deal? I thought Kenny Williams emptied his farm system when he dealt for Roberto Alomar and Carl Everett.
Twice.
Me wife she tell Kenny she trade me to White Sock for that tasty little Shingo.
I’m the white Dontrelle! You can’t trade me! I’ll haunt you for years!
Or at least for six or seven starts with another team until everybody stops taking my curveball and whacking my 88 mph fastball.
I can’t believe it would take 60 pages of posts for a group of people to decide whether or not someone might or might not be telling the truth. The world needs new hobbies, we all suck.
Hey Hill, I’m in the ‘pen now, where I’m actually doing pretty well and I cleaned up your four inning-six run mess last night.
I think we should ban number four, I think he’s a troll and not really Roberto Alomar!
Don’t lie to me! I’m fragile! I get my hopes up over a baseball team so much that when things don’t turn out the way they were promised to me on a message board I wet my pants!
OMG #8 IS LYING, I KNOW FOR I AM THE TRUE NSBB GUY AND NOBODY CAN LIE TO ME, SOURCE PLZ.
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desipio just got spammed
Come here, Andy. I want to show you something.
Dunn = 2.5
Patterson = 0.0
Mitre = 1.6
Hill = 1.1
2.5 VS 2.7
reds, give us a little cash to close the deal
Spam! Where?
Yes, I was poster 14.
I know for a fact that the Dunn trade is going down. I am a Fed Ex driver, and yesterday I delivered 3 dozen cream filled- maple frosted Tim Horton’s donuts to Jim Hendry’s room. You know something is cooking when he has the good stuff over-nighted.
The Cubs are most likely to catch VD *from* the Cardinals.
Oh no! My source is revealed.
We used to get spammed on all the old threads, that’s why they close after 10 days now.
Jim Hendry in today’s sun times: “Without that bad stetch (the 8 game losing streak) we’d be in better shape.” Yeah, if only we could play teams like Pittsburgh and Cincinatti all the time instead of teams like Washington and Atlanta. It just isn’t fair.
If I were the GM, I wouldn’t say things like that.
What will Roberto Novoa do with his uniform (beside all the crap on the seat of his pants) if Dunn rolls into town?
GaborBako has been providing some much needed entertainment value to “that thread.”
I better give a call to John Elway and ask him some tips about selling cars. Maybe I can buy an arena football team too?
Will I exist today?
Hairston
Walker
Lee
Ramirez
Barrett
Burnitz
Cedeno
Murton
Maddux
Freel
Lopez
Griffey
Kearns
Dunn
Aurilia
Pena
Valentin
Milton
Cubs Live or Dead today? Lineup!
Lesser CF
Shot Putter 2B
MVP 1B
MVP Lite 3B
Walk Fest C
Short Bus RF
Ron Ce SS
Opie LF
Mr. 3000
Honest to God, make sure you read Greg Couch’s article.
I am so stupid. Like, really, really f%#@ing stupid.
How do I get to Greg Couch’s article?
Couch Companion:
http://desmoinesregister.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20050719/SPORTS05/507190391/1016
I feel for Corey. You see, if it wasn’t for me being fat and old, I would have been a HOFer, just like him, who is battling being way too talented for this game. Corey was born to slay Lions, and fly with birds, and hunt sharks….or something.
I think he’s the next Ricky Williams, we’ll soon find out he has some sort of social disorder or confidence problem. Much like me, who is also all of those things too.
Really, I think all I need to do is find my hitting zone, and only swing at pitches in it.
Couch writes,
“You get the picture that the Cubs were letting Patterson rely on natural talent when he was young, and they should have been coaching him”
Now true-blue diehards may recall a quote attributed to me back around 1999/2000. Supposedly I instructed the minor-league instructors to not do ANTHING with Patterson’s swing. Apparently I am such an arrogant asswipe who was evidently handed the baseball-hitting tablets directly from God that I wanted an untaught Patterson all for my own when he arrived at Wrigley. Great plan, huh?
I am a flaming assbag who took credit for Sammy Sosa’s turnaround, when GNC probably deserved more of the credit. I not only presided over some of the weakest hitting Cubs teams in the history of human beings, but I am still haunting the Cubs three years after my long-overdue dismissal.
You’re also haunting the Royals just months after your long-overdue dismissal.
Kerry Wood is worthless. Give up on the guy this year and try and trade him in the offseason. Package him and KPat and finally everyone of those deadbeats from the 2001 roster are history.
Really, between Kerry’s cunt problems and Korey’s freeswinging problems, these two stoogies have driven Cubs fans up a wall and out onto a ledge this year.
If you’re Jim Hendry, why do you continously put yourself through these types of headaches? It seems like a person would just get sick of it and make the problem go away.
Jim you made the Farns, the Gladitor, LaStunk, and others disappear. What’s another two more fucks to drop going to take?
Baker Basher
Today’s lineup–and pitcher–has the same stink as last Saturday when the Cubs lost 3-0 against Zach Duke. They won every game last week except for the one that I flew 1200 miles to see. Doh!
Good Dose Andy,
I have nothing to say except I love hearing Aubrey Huff’s name mentioned in trade rumors. I’m going to mention it now just for fun.
AUBREY HUFF…wee!