Here’s the most important thing you’ll read all day. When the new season of Survivor starts this fall, former Cowboys quarterback Gary Hogeboom will be a contestant! Like me, your memory of Gary includes the Bears dismembering him in 1985 so badly that Danny White (who they’d already knocked out of the game) had to come back in, and of course, that his own coach thought his name was HogeNboom.
Other than his baserunning, Hill looked good last night. I have grown to like Dan Plesac (though I miss Dave Otto), but he said something a little strange last night. He said that Hill’s curveball was very tough last night on “both right and lefthanded hitters.” Except the fact that the Giants stacked their lineup with all righthanded hitters. Oh, well.
Kerry Wood is off to the bullpen, when he probably should just be off to the operating table.
Walleye says he’s over his weird leg injury and ready to tear up NFC North quarterbacks.
Cedric Benson may be close to singing.
Luol Deng has learned how to do all kind of things lefthanded. He can brush his teeth lefthanded, and sign his name lefthanded and rub one out lefthanded. Huh?
Ed Sherman on the Sandberg trade. He uses the phrase “sealing his ticket out of town” which is apparently a combination of “punching his ticket” and “sealing his fate.” Regardless, Ed Sherman is bug eyed and strange.
Maybe the Cubs should suit Ryno up the next two games?
Mike Kiley continues his streak of completely pointless and rambling opening paragraphs.
Jerry Angelo says the Mike Brown looks “quicker” after his ruptured Achilles. He didn’t say “quicker” than what, though.
I think it’s a bad sign that Dusty feels the need to defend himself on this in the first place.
Nomar’s ready to let it all hang out in Peoria. It’s a figure of speech, ladies! Relax.
Michael Finley’s going to get $51 million to not play for the Mavericks. He could get $2 to play for the Bulls. If he’s healthy again, he’d really help.
Some guys can’t tell that they’re not wanted.
The Wizard of Roz says Kyle Orton is the key to the Bears’ draft. Oh boy! The draft must have sucked, then.
The Mets think the cost to get Alfonso Soriano is too high. Which means he’ll be a Met by Saturday.
The Twins have first hand knowledge of Bret Boone’s suckitude and they might try to deal for Soriano.
Don’t do it, Kenny! Oh, who cares?
Mike Berardino thinks the Marlins should stick with what they have. He points to Dontrelle’s recent struggles (his arm is falling off) and Josh Beckett’s Kerry-Wood-like injury history as reasons to not trade Burnett. I think AJ Burnett’s even more overrated than Wood and Beckett and they should get something for him.
If I were Kenny, I’d be after Omar Vizquel. The Sox claim to be all about pitching and defense, but Juan Uribe sucks at shortstop. Omar doesn’t.
The Fish are trying to lure (ahh, puns suck) Mark Redman back. I’ll never forget the way he pumped his fist after getting out of a second inning jam in NLCS game two, only to give up a three-run bomb to Kerry Wood.
The Orioles have an angry, obese, Aruban they have to unload.
You’d be rattled, too, if a little Ewok like Charley Steiner chased you down.
Kirk Rueter wants to be traded. Only nobody wants him.
Scroll down for news that Chicago wants Aubrey Huff. The Chicago White Sox.
Jeff Bagwell might be gone for good.
America’s finest news source on a company moving their operations underseas.
You think I suck? Look at the crap the Cubs have at short. You should be begging for someone half as good as me. That would be 5 times as good as Neifi, Cedeno or torn groin.
Oh, good! We got up early today! Must have made a Sudafed run.
I would not move D Lee up from the sixth spot in the order until Nomar asked me to. I didn’t put Hairston and Walk 1-2 until Todd said I should in the paper. Clearly, Burnitz needs to tell me it’s OK to switch him with A-Ram and I’ll do it, and all Michael has to do is ask to bat sixth.
Hey Juan! Call me when your batting average, on base average or slugging percentage exceeds mine this year, bro! And I’m not exactly rippin’ it up!
Colts fans would love to forget me… Those who weren’t still rooting for the Bears and Bengals when I stunk up the Dome for it’s first 3 years of existence. They still haven’t got the smell out.
“Cedric Benson may be close to singing.”
What the fuck, man? I don’t sing. Singing is for sissies.
Hey Neifi…..My slugging is higher than your right now. And my OBP is only .016 behind yours and your hitting 50 points higher.
Know what a walk is? Oh, I forgot, no one on the Cubs knows what a walk is.
We’re still sleeping…..when you’re unemployed like most of us, you don’t need to get up.
I gotta get up and go buy some KY….my partner is coming over.
Hey Juan, “your” probably looking forward to Meth Night at the Cell Next week, aren’t you?
I AM DJ’S DOMINATRIX. BOW TO YOUR SENSAI!
Doesn’t Charley Steiner work on the Dodgers radio broadcasts? What in the hell is he tracking people down with a camera for? I think it’s time to send Evander Holyfield after him again.
I aint the smartest cat in tha tin roof boss, but why in macey’s gracey would a cuuuub fain need to troll his own kinda website, golly!
Hey Andy, what’s up with no love for Deborah Gibson? The hottest and best 7th-inning stretch singer in history!
“You should be begging for someone half as good as me. That would be 5 times as good as Neifi, Cedeno or torn groin.”
“Hey Neifi…..My slugging is higher than your right now. And my OBP is only .016 behind yours and your hitting 50 points higher.”
Even if most cubs fans were unemployed, its better than being me.
KA BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!
by golly, I just shoved my cat up my ass. STRETCH
and a can o corn
Go Sox!!!
When do I get a promotional day at the Joan? Maybe something with a father/son theme to it.
Would someone please tell him I’m “Exit only” .
Hey dudes, for all of you who want me canned, sunday I out managed the genius and cornered him into a grand slam by nei-fever. Yesterday, once again, I simply demolished “5 pitchers in 1 inning” Alou with my superb combination of lefty-righties and my patented late inning double switch.
How you like them apples now, dudes?
I’m what Sox fans have in their mouth right now.
#13, I did enjoy the Deborah Gibson experience, although I was openly begging Len to ask her about her Playboy, um, spread.
She’s still do-able, even though she gives me a Desperate Housewife vibe, and that ain’t good.
Don’t forget us #22, after all it is morning.
Thought the Desipiots would be interested in this article on “Dustiny” from the San Jose Mercury News.
well, damn, now it’s demanding that I register. Here’s the article.
It’s Dustiny: Cubs going to playoffs
Compiled by John Ryan
Mercury News
The Cubs are four games out of the National League wild-card lead. We’re figuring them for the playoffs. It’s Dustiny.
Giants fans are well acquainted with the concept. It’s when the manager pulls a head-scratching, mind-numbing, remote-control-throwing move — and it’s just crazy enough to win a game. It happened again for Dusty Baker on Sunday night.
In the top of the 10th inning, with runners on first and second and none out, Baker had Jeromy Burnitz (.278, 17 home runs) bunt. The sacrifice left first base open, allowing the Cardinals to intentionally walk Aramis Ramirez (.316, 27 home runs). Michael Barrett followed with a strikeout.
Up came Neifi Perez. Oh, and did we mention that Ramirez was in the midst of an eight-day, .485, seven-home run stretch? Meanwhile, Perez was 1 for 13 in the series and had never hit a home run at Busch Stadium.
Grand slam. Of course.
Dustiny.
For those who aren’t registered and are at work.
Thank You.
I enjoyed Debbie Gibson’s visit to the booth. Brenly didn’t say a word and she kept patting Len on the arm. He nearly went into hysterics like he did when Jennie Finch dropped by.
Debbie’s all right, but she’s singing on cruise ships now? She’s one marriage to a fossilized NFL legend away from being Kathie Lee Gifford.
John! What we’re pretending to be newspaper writers now? Rule #17 stick with the settled upon phony occupation. Oh, gotta go make balloon animals!
Sloth, I can’t see the “Desperate Housewives”/Debster connection, but had I known she was going to be in Wrigley wearing a Ryno jersey, I would’ve been there to propose.
Mindy McCready is a mess:
http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/Music/07/26/people.mccready.ap/index.html
Five years ago, she was the hottest thing on the country music scene, both in looks and talent. Now this.
I am shocked that a country music singer abuses pills and booze. Damn, I gotta meet Hank Jr, The Possum and Keith Whitley’s Ghost for lunch.
At least legends like Willie Nelson are different. He prefers natural mind-numbers like me.
We interrupt the comedy stylings of Desipio readers to note that the last four games have been great, exciting ballgames. The playoff intensity is back. How about a little love for the game of baseball?
Don’t worry, Neifi. According to ESPN, there’s one stat you’ll never catch me in. You’re 6’0″, 175lbs. I’m 5’11”, 215lbs. That’s 40lbs. amigo. Scouts say I look like a better ballplayer than you.
Sucka.
They get gasy…
#1 and #7, your team is sporting a .663 winning percentage and a 12 game division lead. You have 6 hitters on your team with 10+ homers. You have a player batting .300+ with 51 SB, 3 SP with ERAs under 4 and 10+ wins, and your team has a bullpen ERA of 3.26
So you come to a Cubs fan web site to defend a SS with a .238 BA, .270 OBP and .656 OPS. Makes sense.
You are obviously not me.
Andy, you don’t have to be 70 to be senile, and just becuase one is 70 doesn’t mean that you have lost it. There just isn’t very much that any manager, 70 years old or not, can do with that collection of non-talent on the Giants.
Thank God I’m not you!!!!
The only way Neifi is 6 feet tall is by using me
“Mike Kiley continues his streak of completely pointless and rambling opening paragraphs.”
I’m gunning for Dimaggio.
hey bros, just as I imagined, back to back games of pure domination on my part and the Dusty haters are all quiet, dudes.
See, I’m your leader for good, I’m the one taking you to the playoffs or near them.
What other choice do you have? Riggleman? please, dudes.
The Cubs will win today or I will slap each and every one of you!!
Michael Barrett will have us in his mouth before he’s finished playing.
I thought I was in most Sox fans’ mouths?
I don’t think so, I’m not going to the White Sox.
see intrepid reader #41
Where will Nomar play next year? Cuz you know he ain’t takin my spot at SS, bitches. Edgar Renteria, my ass, I’m the best latin shortstop in the world not named Miguel. PLAY ME!!
this conversation is exciting!
wheee….ahem…….YEAH!
I have enough wang in my mouth keeping the Northsiders happy.
Perhaps it’s time I made an appearance on this fine website.
I’M COMING BACK!
SOON!
Hey, what happened to my buddy Chad? I thought he was still around?
Chad?
Dude?
I wonder if Hawk knows where he is? Hawk?
HE GONE!
I agree, #52. It’s high time we got rid of the hooligans. Somebody get Alberto Gonzales on the phone!
Could not be more right, this is getting old.
Not asking for censorship.
Just asking for the trolls to jump through an additional hoop or two.
We would kind of suck with user names and passwords. The trolls are annoying, but pretty easy to ignore.
Ignore the trolls.
For user names & passwords, go to me. There’s a little more accountability. It’s so easy, even a Sox fan can make it there. Just point and click. It’s just that easy.
It’s lame when you start whining about usernames, passwords, and IP exposés. Yeah, the trolls are idiotic and tiresome, but don’t be such a drippy wet pussy about it. Ignore and move on. Having a username and password wouldn’t do much to curb the trolls. It’s just another hoop to jump through, as noted above.
Ignore them and smile at the memory of a 2-of-3 series win at Busch this past weekend.
Sit back and have a few of me, don’t fret about the trolls, winning is fung mang…enjoy.
You mean you don’t find our “every Cubs player/fan is gay” gimmick funny? You don’t find it funny when we say Cubs fans don’t pay attention, even though the Joan has everything from a bar to a shower to distract us? As soon as a sox fan figures out how to set a site like this up, maybe we’ll go there and be annoying. Juan Uribe is the most exciting player in the AL because Hawk said it in spring training…and he knows a thing or two about a thing or two. A great GM he was.
we’re not as annoying as yesterday’s Book Club
I have K’ed in 11 of my 20 AB’s since joining the Indians.
With much regret I must say that Dusty did a good job the last 2 games we won.
I can’t distract the Sox fans.
They don’t know what I am, how could they use me?
Gah, stop calling the Cell the Joan! Besides, aren’t I Cubs fan?
#61, I love it when you analyze!
My numbers are better than yours are Mr. Dubois. I am a gladiator, you are not buddy. I am a hitting macheene, mang.
cubs 2
sucks 1
hahahahaha
A little out of place here, but I am really good, and I’m going to have a huge year.
UN-BALL-EE-BA-BALL
UN-BALL-EE-BA-BALL
UN-BALL-EE-BA-BALL
UN-BALL-EE-BA-BALL
Hey Lance, I be hittin switches on bitches too dude. My brother Casey is awesome, remember when he got cut last year? He wouldn’t talk to the media and he was acting like a badass before then, like he was there not because he was my brother. Oh well, gotta go to court now.
Baseball has been berry berry good do me. I am gladiator, when I am out of the house, the chickens make clucking sounds and run around with great dreams. I am too good buddies.
Hey peons, Jim here. Any trades you want me to explore?
If you get me back, the chickens will calm down because the man is back. How about me for your whole team? I can do it, I have no fear.
I’m fung mang!
gray beard and macias
for a pair of new spikes for Rich Hill
Go get me Jim, doesn’t matter who you give up, or how you do it…just get it done, I am clearly the answer to all of the Cubs’ problems.
Funny you should ask.
Trade for me — as a sox fan explained earlier today, I am awesome!
Sanjay, quit daydreaming and get back to work, the Slurpee machine is almost out of syrup.
#77: you are correct, sir. That would make us a much better ball club.
Did someone say pee-on?
#74, give anyone not named Ramirez, Lee, or Prior for Juan Pierre.
Yes, trade us for Pierre, he loves the ivory.
What do you guys think of:
Baltimore Orioles
17) Gerónimo Gil (C)
8) Javy López (C)
8) Chris Gomez (SS)
6) Melvin Mora (3B)
25) Rafael Palmeiro (1B)
1) Brian Roberts (2B)
4) Miguel Tejada (SS)
3) Larry Bigbie (OF)
25) Jay Gibbons (OF)
32) Luis Matos (OF)
9) David Newhan (OF)
21) Sammy Sosa (OF)
17) B.J. Surhoff (OF)
30) Rick Bauer (P)
79) Erik Bedard (P)
69) Daniel Cabrera (P)
52) Bruce Chen (P)
50) Jorge Julio (P)
49) Steve Kline (P)
13) Rodrigo López (P)
36) John Parrish (P)
43) Sidney Ponson (P)
39) Steve Reed (P)
52) B.J. Ryan (P)
56) Todd Williams (P)
Boston Red Sox
28) Doug Mirabelli (C)
33) Jason Varitek (C)
26) Mark Bellhorn (2B)
18) Dave McCarty (1B)
15) Kevin Millar (1B)
11) Bill Mueller (3B)
34) David Ortiz (1B)
3) Edgar RenterÃÂa (SS)
1) Ramón Vázquez (SS)
68) Kevin Youkilis (3B)
18) Johnny Damon (OF)
7) Trot Nixon (OF)
24) Jay Payton (OF)
24) Manny RamÃÂrez (OF)
69) Bronson Arroyo (P)
30) Matt Clement (P)
43) Alan Embree (P)
29) Keith Foulke (P)
54) John Halama (P)
31) Matt Mantei (P)
35) Mike Myers (P)
54) Blaine Neal (P)
38) Curt Schilling (P)
50) Mike Timlin (P)
49) Tim Wakefield (P)
33) David Wells (P)
New York Yankees
17) John Flaherty (C)
20) Jorge Posada (C)
0) Caonabo Cosme (2B)
25) Jason Giambi (1B)
2) Derek Jeter (SS)
21) Tino Martinez (1B)
70) Andy Phillips (2B)
3) Alex Rodriguez (3B)
10) Rey Sanchez (2B)
5) Tony Womack (2B)
49) Bubba Crosby (OF)
55) Hideki Matsui (OF)
11) Gary Sheffield (OF)
21) Rubén Sierra (OF)
51) Bernie Williams (OF)
27) Kevin Brown (P)
36) Tom Gordon (P)
51) Randy Johnson (P)
31) Steve Karsay (P)
35) Mike Mussina (P)
45) Carl Pavano (P)
46) Paul Quantrill (P)
42) Mariano Rivera (P)
47) Felix Rodriguez (P)
29) Mike Stanton (P)
31) Tanyon Sturtze (P)
21) Jaret Wright (P)
Tampa Bay Devil Rays
44) Toby Hall (C)
24) Charles Johnson (C)
3) Jorge Cantu (2B)
8) Alex S. Gonzalez (SS)
18) Nick Green (2B)
23) Julio Lugo (SS)
33) Eduardo Perez (IF)
13) Carl Crawford (OF)
27) Damon Hollins (OF)
19) Aubrey Huff (OF)
2) Alex Sánchez (OF)
10) Chris Singleton (OF)
17) Josh Phelps (DH)
28) Danys Baez (P)
41) Robbie Bell (P)
38) Lance Carter (P)
49) Jesus Colome (P)
15) Casey Fossum (P)
58) Travis Harper (P)
30) Mark Hendrickson (P)
26) Scott Kazmir (P)
51) Trever Miller (P)
11) Hideo Nomo (P)
48) John Switzer (P)
40) Doug Waechter (P)
Toronto Blue Jays
56) Andy Dominique (C)
20) Ken Huckaby (C)
27) Russ Adams (SS)
28) Shea Hillenbrand (3B)
11) Eric Hinske (3B)
3) Orlando Hudson (2B)
47) Corey Koskie (3B)
8) John McDonald (SS)
11) Frank Menechino (2B)
27) Frank Catalanotto (OF)
21) Gabe Gross (OF)
37) Reed Johnson (OF)
15) Alexis Rios (OF)
10) Vernon Wells (OF)
25) Miguel Batista (P)
19) David Bush (P)
99) Gustavo ChacÃÂn (P)
50) Vinny Chulk (P)
54) Jason Frasor (P)
32) Roy Halladay (P)
98) Brandon League (P)
60) Scott Schoeneweis (P)
30) Justin Speier (P)
35) Josh Towers (P)
41) Pete Walker (P)
American League Central
Chicago White Sox
26) A.J. Pierzynski (C)
11) Chris Widger (C)
24) Joe Crede (3B)
23) Ross Gload (1B)
12) Willie Harris (2B)
15) Tadahito Iguchi (2B)
14) Paul Konerko (1B)
1) Pablo Ozuna (SS)
4) Juan Uribe (SS)
24) Jermaine Dye (OF)
2) Carl Everett (OF)
6) Timo Perez (OF)
20) Scott Podsednik (OF)
44) Aaron Rowand (OF)
56) Mark Buehrle (P)
52) José Contreras (P)
55) Neal Cotts (P)
34) Freddy GarcÃÂa (P)
20) Jon Garland (P)
32) Dustin Hermanson (P)
26) Orlando Hernández (P)
43) Dámaso Marte (P)
19) Cliff Politte (P)
22) Shingo Takatsu (P)
51) Luis Vizcaino (P)
Cleveland Indians
44) Josh Bard (C)
63) VÃÂctor MartÃÂnez (C)
10) Ronnie Belliard (2B)
1) Casey Blake (3B)
19) Aaron Boone (3B)
28) Ben Broussard (1B)
13) Alex Cora (2B)
18) José Hernández (2B)
60) Jhonny Peralta (SS)
10) Coco Crisp (OF)
15) Ryan Ludwick (OF)
70) Grady Sizemore (OF)
32) Travis Hafner (DH)
66) Rafael Betancourt (P)
50) Jason Davis (P)
40) Scott Elarton (P)
46) Bobby Howry (P)
65) Cliff Lee (P)
46) Matt Miller (P)
34) Kevin Millwood (P)
33) Arthur Rhodes (P)
54) David Riske (P)
47) Scott Sauerbeck (P)
37) Jake Westbrook (P)
26) Bob Wickman (P)
Detroit Tigers
7) Iván RodrÃÂguez (C)
3) Vance Wilson (C)
8) Carlos Guillén (SS)
20) Omar Infante (2B)
15) Brandon Inge (3B, C)
34) Ramón MartÃÂnez (2B)
12) Carlos Peña (1B)
3) Jason Smith (SS)
4) Bobby Higginson (OF)
40) Nook Logan (OF)
27) Craig Monroe (OF)
30) Magglio Ordóñez (OF)
27) Rondell White (OF)
25) Dmitri Young (OF)
38) Jeremy Bonderman (P)
44) Kyle Farnsworth (P)
62) Franklyn German (P)
58) Matt Ginter (P)
16) Jason Johnson (P)
41) Wilfredo Ledezma (P)
46) Mike Maroth (P)
40) Troy Percival (P)
59) Nate Robertson (P)
74) Ugueth Urbina (P)
32) Jamie Walker (P)
Kansas City Royals
67) John Buck (C)
45) Alberto Castillo (C)
4) Angel Berroa (SS)
30) Ruben Gotay (2B)
17) Tony Graffanino (2B)
46) Calvin Pickering (1B)
29) Mike Sweeney (1B)
24) Mark Teahen (3B)
64) Emil Brown (OF)
9) David DeJesus (OF)
12) Terrence Long (OF)
26) Eli Marrero (OF)
12) Matt Stairs (OF)
48) Jeremy Affeldt (P)
31) Brian Anderson (P)
16) Denny Bautista (P)
58) Shawn Camp (P)
43) Jaime Cerda (P)
56) Nate Field (P)
66) Zack Greinke (P)
40) Runelvys Hernández (P)
42) José Lima (P)
54) Mike MacDougal (P)
51) Andy Sisco (P)
51) Mike Wood (P)
Minnesota Twins
71) Joe Mauer (C)
37) Corky Miller (C)
52) Mike Redmond (C)
18) Jason Bartlett (SS)
7) Juan Castro (SS)
24) Matthew LeCroy (1B, C)
61) Justin Morneau (1B)
8) Nick Punto (2B)
2) Luis Rivas (2B)
5) Michael Cuddyer (OF)
74) Lew Ford (OF)
48) Torii Hunter (OF)
11) Jacque Jones (OF)
23) Shannon Stewart (OF)
28) Jesse Crain (P)
44) Matt Guerrier (P)
49) Kyle Lohse (P)
25) Joe Mays (P)
45) Terry Mulholland (P)
36) Joe Nathan (P)
22) Brad Radke (P)
39) Juan Rincón (P)
33) J.C. Romero (P)
57) Johan Santana (P)
52) Carlos Silva (P)
American League West
Los Angeles Angels
28) Jose Molina (C)
1) Bengie Molina (C)
27) Josh Paul (C)
18) Orlando Cabrera (SS)
17) Darin Erstad (1B)
6) Chone Figgins (2B)
2) Maicer Izturis (SS)
26) Lou Merloni (2B)
39) Robb Quinlan (1B)
16) Garret Anderson (OF)
55) Jeff DaVanon (OF)
12) Steve Finley (OF)
27) Vladimir Guerrero (OF)
59) Juan Rivera (OF)
36) Paul Byrd (P)
40) Bartolo Colón (P)
53) Brendan Donnelly (P)
63) Kevin Gregg (P)
41) John Lackey (P)
38) Bret Prinz (P)
57) Francisco Rodriguez (P)
62) Scot Shields (P)
56) Jarrod Washburn (P)
0) Jake Woods (P)
43) Esteban Yan (P)
Oakland Athletics
18) Jason Kendall (C)
7) Adam Melhuse (C)
3) Eric Chavez (3B)
7) Bobby Crosby (SS)
44) Erubiel Durazo (1B)
14) Mark Ellis (2B)
1) Keith Ginter (2B)
10) Scott Hatteberg (1B)
26) Marco Scutaro (2B)
22) Eric Byrnes (OF)
23) Bobby Kielty (OF)
21) Mark Kotsay (OF)
30) Nick Swisher (OF)
26) Charles Thomas (OF)
64) Joe Blanton (P)
40) Kiko Calero (P)
51) Juan Cruz (P)
29) Octavio Dotel (P)
45) Justin Duchscherer (P)
40) Rich Harden (P)
99) Dan Haren (P)
73) Ricardo Rincon (P)
50) Kirk Saarloos (P)
61) Huston Street (P)
13) Keiichi Yabu (P)
75) Barry Zito (P)
Seattle Mariners
8) Miguel Olivo (C)
6) Dan Wilson (C)
29) Adrián Beltré (3B)
16) Willie Bloomquist (3B)
29) Bret Boone (2B)
53) Greg Dobbs (3B)
11) Richie Sexson (1B)
23) Scott Spiezio (3B)
60) Wilson Valdez (SS)
18) Raul Ibañez (OF)
58) Jeremy Reed (OF)
51) Ichiro Suzuki (OF)
2) Randy Winn (OF)
45) Ryan Franklin (P)
18) Eddie Guardado (P)
17) Shigetoshi Hasegawa (P)
56) Bobby Madritsch (P)
40) Julio Mateo (P)
55) Gil Meche (P)
50) Jamie Moyer (P)
43) Jeff Nelson (P)
20) J.J. Putz (P)
34) Aaron Sele (P)
68) Matt Thornton (P)
31) Ron Villone (P)
Texas Rangers
15) Sandy Alomar, Jr. (C)
48) Rod Barajas (C)
12) Hank Blalock (3B)
16) Mark DeRosa (3B)
68) Adrian Gonzalez (1B)
12) Alfonso Soriano (2B)
23) Mark Teixeira (1B)
10) Michael Young (SS)
21) Chad Allen (OF)
25) David Dellucci (OF)
15) Richard Hidalgo (OF)
13) Gary Matthews (OF)
28) Kevin Mench (OF)
58) Carlos Almanzar (P)
26) Doug Brocail (P)
35) Ryan Bukvich (P)
31) Francisco Cordero (P)
51) R.A. Dickey (P)
37) Ryan Drese (P)
61) Chan Ho Park (P)
54) Ron Mahay (P)
64) Nick Regilio (P)
65) Matt Riley (P)
37) Kenny Rogers (P)
58) Brian Shouse (P)
50) Chris Young (P)
National League
National League East
Atlanta Braves
23) Johnny Estrada (C)
38) Eddie Perez (C)
24) Wilson Betemit (3B)
14) Julio Franco (1B)
1) Rafael Furcal (SS)
22) Marcus Giles (2B)
10) Chipper Jones (3B, OF)
0) Adam LaRoche (1B)
0) Pete Orr (2B)
25) Andruw Jones (OF)
33) Brian Jordan (OF)
28) Ryan Langerhans (OF)
43) Raul Mondesi (OF)
24) Adam Bernero (P)
40) Roman Colon (P)
49) Kevin Gryboski (P)
32) Mike Hampton (P)
15) Tim Hudson (P)
52) Danny Kolb (P)
51) Tom Martin (P)
30) Horacio Ramirez (P)
41) Chris Reitsma (P)
29) John Smoltz (P)
59) Jorge Sosa (P)
50) John Thomson (P)
Florida Marlins
16) Paul Lo Duca (C)
66) Matt Treanor (C)
1) Luis Castillo (2B)
18) Jeff Conine (1B)
25) Carlos Delgado (1B)
25) Damion Easley (2B)
11) Alex Gonzalez (SS)
29) Lenny Harris (3B)
19) Mike Lowell (3B)
3) Chris Aguila (OF)
20) Miguel Cabrera (OF)
43) Juan Encarnacion (OF)
9) Juan Pierre (OF)
57) Antonio Alfonseca (P)
21) Josh Beckett (P)
40) Nate Bump (P)
34) A.J. Burnett (P)
59) Todd Jones (P)
22) Al Leiter (P)
45) Jim Mecir (P)
38) Brian Moehler (P)
59) Guillermo Mota (P)
60) Matt Perisho (P)
14) Ismael Valdez (P)
35) Dontrelle Willis (P)
New York Mets
17) Ramon Castro (C)
31) Mike Piazza (C)
8) Marlon Anderson (2B)
12) Miguel Cairo (2B)
25) Kazuo Matsui (SS)
16) Doug Mientkiewicz (1B)
7) Jose Reyes (2B)
5) Chris Woodward (SS)
55) David Wright (3B)
15) Carlos Beltran (OF)
44) Mike Cameron (OF)
30) Cliff Floyd (OF)
12) Eric Valent (OF)
50) Manuel Aybar (P)
48) Mike DeJean (P)
47) Tom Glavine (P)
45) Felix Heredia (P)
34) Roberto Hernandez (P)
17) Kazuhisa Ishii (P)
41) Braden Looper (P)
45) Pedro Martinez (P)
30) Mike Matthews (P)
0) Dae Sung koo (P)
47) Victor Zambrano (P)
Philadelphia Phillies
24) Mike Lieberthal (C)
3) Todd Pratt (C)
4) David Bell (3B)
30) Jose Offerman (2B)
9) Tomas Perez (SS)
27) Placido Polanco (2B)
6) Jimmy Rollins (SS)
25) Jim Thome (1B)
26) Chase Utley (2B)
53) Bobby Abreu (OF)
5) Pat Burrell (OF)
7) Kenny Lofton (OF)
22) Jason Michaels (OF)
51) Terry Adams (P)
37) Rheal Cormier (P)
31) Gavin Floyd (P)
38) Aaron Fultz (P)
34) Cory Lidle (P)
26) Jon Lieber (P)
48) Pedro Liriano (P)
57) Ryan Madson (P)
39) Brett Myers (P)
13) Billy Wagner (P)
43) Randy Wolf (P)
38) Tim Worrell (P)
Washington Nationals
29) Gary Bennett (C)
39) Brian Schneider (C)
0) Tony Blanco (1B)
2) Jamey Carroll (3B)
19) Vinny Castilla (3B)
12) Wil Cordero (1B)
15) Cristian Guzman (SS)
36) Nick Johnson (1B)
3) Jose Vidro (2B)
38) Ryan Church (OF)
26) J.J. Davis (OF)
6) Jose Guillen (OF)
48) Terrmel Sledge (OF)
6) Brad Wilkerson (OF)
56) Luis Ayala (P)
62) Chad Cordero (P)
54) Zach Day (P)
58) Joey Eischen (P)
61) Livan Hernandez (P)
59) Joe Horgan (P)
21) Esteban Loaiza (P)
24) Tomo Ohka (P)
13) Antonio Osuna (P)
24) John Patterson (P)
52) T.J. Tucker (P)
Cincinnati Reds
23) Jason LaRue (C)
8) Javier Valentin (C)
35) Rich Aurilia (SS)
21) Sean Casey (1B)
3) D’Angelo Jimenez (2B)
7) Felipe Lopez (SS)
16) Joe Randa (3B)
66) Jacob Cruz (OF)
44) Adam Dunn (OF)
11) Ryan Freel (OF)
30) Ken Griffey Jr (OF)
28) Austin Kearns (OF)
26) Wily Mo Pena (OF)
70) Matt Belisle (P)
36) Brandon Claussen (P)
32) Danny Graves (P)
39) Aaron Harang (P)
50) Kent Mercker (P)
21) Eric Milton (P)
45) Ramon Ortiz (P)
28) Joe Valentine (P)
23) Ryan Wagner (P)
35) Dave Weathers (P)
77) Ben Weber (P)
41) Paul Wilson (P)
Houston Astros
11) Brad Ausmus (C)
46) Raul Chavez (C)
5) Jeff Bagwell (1B)
7) Craig Biggio (2B, OF)
4) Eric Bruntlett (SS)
0) Chris Burke (2B)
14) Morgan Ensberg (3B)
28) Adam Everett (SS)
13) Michael Lamb (3B)
10) Jose Vizcaino (SS)
24) Jason Lane (OF)
19) Orlando Palmeiro (OF)
0) Luke Scott (OF)
1) Willy Taveras (OF)
30) Brandon Backe (P)
22) Roger Clemens (P)
31) Brandon Duckworth (P)
45) John Franco (P)
32) Chad Harville (P)
54) Brad Lidge (P)
44) Roy Oswalt (P)
21) Andy Pettitte (P)
50) Chad Qualls (P)
48) Russ Springer (P)
78) Dan Wheeler (P)
Milwaukee Brewers
26) Damian Miller (C)
16) Chad Moeller (C)
33) Russ Branyan (3B)
7) Jeff Cirillo (3B)
2) Bill Hall (SS)
7) J.J. Hardy (SS)
18) Wes Helms (3B)
37) Lyle Overbay (1B)
10) Junior Spivey (2B)
15) Brady Clark (OF)
5) Geoff Jenkins (OF)
45) Carlos Lee (OF)
30) Chris Magruder (OF)
64) Mike Adams (P)
26) Ricky Bottalico (P)
57) Chris Capuano (P)
17) Doug Davis (P)
47) Jorge De La Rosa (P)
38) Gary Glover (P)
43) Wes Obermueller (P)
57) Tommy Phelps (P)
45) Victor Santos (P)
15) Ben Sheets (P)
54) Derrick Turnbow (P)
32) Matt Wise (P)
Pittsburgh Pirates
40) David Ross (C)
33) Benito Santiago (C)
79) Jose Castillo (2B)
17) Bobby Hill (2B)
52) Freddy Sanchez (2B)
9) Ty Wigginton (3B)
36) Craig Wilson (1B)
12) Jack Wilson (SS)
38) Jason Bay (OF)
11) Matt Lawton (OF)
59) Rob Mackowiak (OF)
5) Tike Redman (OF)
31) Daryle Ward (OF)
27) Josh Fogg (P)
25) Mike Gonzalez (P)
39) John Grabow (P)
46) Brian Meadows (P)
49) Jose Mesa (P)
48) Oliver Perez (P)
55) Mark Redman (P)
31) Salomon Torres (P)
22) Ryan Vogelsong (P)
32) Kip Wells (P)
50) Rick White (P)
58) David Williams (P)
St. Louis Cardinals
5) Einar Diaz (C)
41) Yadier Molina (C)
22) David Eckstein (SS)
11) Mark Grudzielanek (2B)
13) Hector Luna (SS)
10) Abraham Nunez (2B)
5) Albert Pujols (1B)
27) Scott Rolen (3B)
19) Roger Cedeno (OF)
15) Jim Edmonds (OF)
47) John Mabry (OF)
19) Reggie Sanders (OF)
99) So Taguchi (OF)
33) Larry Walker (OF)
29) Chris Carpenter (P)
23) Cal Eldred (P)
51) Randy Flores (P)
44) Jason Isringhausen (P)
46) Ray King (P)
38) Jason Marquis (P)
20) Mark Mulder (P)
77) Bill Pulsipher (P)
47) Al Reyes (P)
35) Jeff Suppan (P)
50) Julian Tavarez (P)
National League West
Arizona Diamondbacks
15) Koyie Hill (C)
19) Chris Snyder (C)
10) Alex Cintrón (SS)
52) Tony Clark (1B)
10) Royce Clayton (SS)
4) Craig Counsell (SS)
25) Troy Glaus (3B)
15) Shawn Green (1B)
11) Matt Kata (2B)
71) Chad Tracy (3B)
22) José Cruz, Jr. (OF)
20) Luis Gonzalez (OF)
6) Quinton McCracken (OF)
27) Luis Terrero (OF)
67) Greg Aquino (P)
39) Brian Bruney (P)
38) Randy Choate (P)
55) Shawn Estes (P)
44) Mike Gosling (P)
57) Brad Halsey (P)
58) Mike Koplove (P)
38) Brandon Lyon (P)
48) Russ Ortiz (P)
23) Javier Vázquez (P)
55) Brandon Webb (P)
Colorado Rockies
30) J.D. Closser (C)
23) Todd Greene (C)
5) Alfredo Amezaga (SS)
0) Jeff Baker (3B)
12) Clint Barmes (SS)
0) Luis Gonzalez (SS)
17) Todd Helton (1B)
39) Aaron Miles (2B)
11) Brad Hawpe (OF)
5) Matt Holliday (OF)
17) Dustan Mohr (OF)
0) Cory Sullivan (OF)
44) Preston Wilson (OF)
0) Marcos Carvajal (P)
34) Shawn Chacon (P)
47) Scott Dohmann (P)
26) Jeff Francis (P)
39) Brian Fuentes (P)
32) Jason Jennings (P)
17) Joe Kennedy (P)
49) Byung-Hyun Kim (P)
45) Javier Lopez (P)
51) Allan Simpson (P)
0) Ryan Speier (P)
23) Jamey Wright (P)
Los Angeles Dodgers
9) Paul Bako (C)
23) Jason Phillips (C)
19) Hee Seop Choi (1B)
3) Cesar Izturis (SS)
12) Jeff Kent (2B)
70) Antonio Perez (2B)
9) Olmedo Saenz (1B)
22) Jose Valentin (3B)
24) Milton Bradley (OF)
7) J.D. Drew (OF)
2) Jason Grabowski (OF)
33) Ricky Ledee (OF)
0) Jason Repko (OF)
43) Yhency Brazoban (P)
0) Buddy Carlyle (P)
55) Giovanni Carrara (P)
45) Elmer Dessens (P)
19) Scott Erickson (P)
0) D.J. Houlton (P)
32) Derek Lowe (P)
45) Odalis Perez (P)
45) Duaner Sanchez (P)
0) Steve Schmoll (P)
18) Jeff Weaver (P)
65) Kelly Wunsch (P)
San Diego Padres
55) Ramon Hernandez (C)
20) Miguel Ojeda (C)
27) Geoff Blum (3B)
33) Sean Burroughs (3B)
3) Khalil Greene (SS)
8) Mark Loretta (2B)
23) Phil Nevin (1B)
7) Eric Young (2B)
24) Brian Giles (OF)
38) Adam Hyzdu (OF)
30) Ryan Klesko (OF)
22) Xavier Nady (OF)
25) Mark Sweeney (OF)
53) Adam Eaton (P)
29) Chris Hammond (P)
51) Trevor Hoffman (P)
50) Brian Lawrence (P)
36) Scott Linebrink (P)
34) Darrell May (P)
48) Akinori Otsuka (P)
44) Jake Peavy (P)
0) Tim Redding (P)
46) Dennys Reyes (P)
17) Rudy Seanez (P)
19) Woody Williams (P)
San Francisco Giants
22) Mike Matheny (C)
8) Yorvit Torrealba (C)
13) Edgardo Alfonzo (3B)
8) Deivi Cruz (SS)
5) Ray Durham (2B)
39) Pedro Feliz (3B)
6) J.T. Snow (1B)
13) Omar Vizquel (SS)
18) Moises Alou (OF)
56) Jason Ellison (OF)
9) Marquis Grissom (OF)
20) Tony Torcato (OF)
24) Michael Tucker (OF)
49) Armando Benitez (P)
38) Jim Brower (P)
40) Jason Christiansen (P)
49) Scott Eyre (P)
13) Jeff Fassero (P)
49) Matt Herges (P)
51) Noah Lowry (P)
46) Kirk Rueter (P)
29) Jason Schmidt (P)
20) Brett Tomko (P)
46) Tyler Walker (P)
I think one or more of these guys could help the Cubs.
Sanjay, I think you are right! I think one or more of those guys could help the Cubs!
Where do you get your sources, man? They are epic!
I totally think the Cubs could trade for one or more of them! You are so wise.
You said:
:: You mean you don’t find our “every Cubs player/fan is gayâ€Â
:: gimmick funny?
Isn’t this kinda like finding every Cardinals player/fan gay, redneck, or moranic?
I hate the Cardinals, but it seems a little misplaced…
You are a miracle worker, count me in as one of your desciples. No wonder the Roz loves you so much. How are you not in a major league front office?
If the Cubs continue to win every game, they have a good chance of making the playoffs.
Sanjay just mad eme have a scallerwagger chuckle YEEHAW
wtf am I doin in chicago
hawk buddy, how you doing without me?
Hey NSBB folks, yall done got too many pictures in your gat damn signatures and such.
Now I caint understand why yall need to post every got damn cotton pickin photo yall ever seen of a cub player at a cub site where everyone is a bone fide cub fan. Plus yeralls site aint even uploadin the pic to yer own server, its li ke a fucking NSBB spam fest, I fuckin hate you.
My eye just fell out
Dear #88,
I think the answer is obvious. Every Cardinals player and fan is gay.
I don’t go to Cards and Sox sites saying those things, do you? Go take a shower with your people at the cell, you moranic faggot.
I’ve decided that the “g” in my name is now silent.
Thanks.
And Dusty is a genius.
Hey Joe, We both hate Billy Beane the homo.
Hawk,
Can you believe that book that Billy Beane wrote. I didn’t read it either. I just know that he likes guys who walk all the time and are fat and don’t steal bases. Plus, I know Billy is gay because he wrote a magazine article about it and I didn’t read that either.
Are you busy on Sunday? I don’t have anything to do. I usually go to this thing in upstate New York but I’m passing on it. Hey if you want to get together that’d be cool.
Call me.
Joe Morgan HOF ’90
Re: #93
Funniest thing I’ve read today. And so true.
Has anyone else noticed that as the day wears on this site gets more bizarre?
Once again there has been an impostor on Desipio claiming to be Baker Basher. I’m hear to say again I am the one and only true Basher.
Lately, I’ve been like Dusty. This heat has just made me lazier then ever. I can’t even bash that stupid fuck.
Last night was Dusty’s dream game of playing small ball and winning it. I have to say that Felipe Alou is more of a dumbass then Dusty though. Come on, using 7 pitchers in one game. You shouldn’t even show up at the ballpark if you are that ignorant.
These Cubs are just fucking with us again. Why don’t they just stand up and say they’ll take third place in the Central with a record of 85-77 and get it over with. I’m being generous with that record too. But you know how these pricks work. They’ll tease us till the last couple of weeks and bow out.
For the record, I’m sick to death of all these GMs pulling their pud waiting to the last day of the trade deadline to make a deal. I think all of them should be shot.
Baker Basher
Hey dude Basher, how you doing, dude
if what you say is true and we finish with a winning record, that will be
3 straight winning seasons for me with this franchise, dude.
That shows you dude what kind of a manager I am, a winning one, dude.
Dude, you have no right to bash me after the complete humiliation I gave
your pal the genius.
You wanna get rid of me dude? look at the giants now, 2 1/2 yaers removed from
a world series provided by me, dude. They are now pathetic and something like 15
games under .500. That’s no good dude. I am good and that’s why I’m your skipper dude.
Has got to be kidding.
“You wanna get rid of me dude? look at the giants now, 2 1/2 yaers removed from
a world series provided by me, dude. ”
Yeah, I had nothing to do with that.
Dumbass.
“Once again there has been an impostor on Desipio claiming to be Baker Basher. I’m hear to say again I am the one and only true Basher.”
This confirms that #101 is the real Baker Basher.
Got dayum right Mike D. I’ve managed to block every single image on that site using the adblock extension in firefox. But now I can’t convince myself of a useful reason for doing so.
Place be empty in a lot of ways…
hey dude #104 that SF team went to a world series because of me,dude. how quickly you forget how I handled the egos dude. The fighting between barry and jeff in the clubhouse in san diego dude, i was right there dude in the middle of it dude.
Dude, do you think is easy to manage guys like benito santiago, dude?
I did it dude, i went to the series bro.
And I could have done it last year but chip and Stoney dude were too much of a distraction.
later dude.
Aren’t we pretty much the only people who ever blamed the Cubs collapse on the team being “distracted” by a feud with us?
Dusty is dumb and all, but he never blamed us….he just kind of blamed the Gladiator walking out on the team and his team non-unity and all that crap.
I thought the collapse was caused by Michael Barrett yelling at Roy Oswalt.
The truth is, the collpase started when Ryan Dempster walked our banjo-hitting asses with a 3-run lead in the 9th inning at Shea in the “Victor Diaz” game.
We are so glad that LaTroy was around to take the blame for how shitty we were last year. I mean, he was the closer and all and he couldn’t find his ass with both hands and blew a lot of games, but you know, when one guy starts to screw up, somebody else has to step up. But do you think any of us could have done any better. Christ no! If we could, we would have. That’s why LaTroy was considered a good teammate. He stuck around and took all the heat for our collective failure and never once did he say that he shouldn’t have been closing or it wasn’t his job to begin with and he didn’t want it.
Everybody from us to Dusty to Moises and Sammy to Korey to Michael Barrett deserve some blame for the way they performed in that last week. Fuck all of us.
dudes tonight we go for our 4th in a row, dudes. I’m in full force now after embarrassing the genius and the old man dudes. Tonight I’m going to feature my
unique abbilities with a mixed lineup of righties and lefties, and I’ll deliver
the knockout punch late with my patented double switch, dudes.
Hope you enjoy it, dudes.
Hey! Fuck me too!
It was Steve Stone’s fault!!!!!!!
Ever notice how really uninteresting posts with nothing but regurgitated jokes from other posts and the dose get sprinkled liberally with me and passed off about 5 or 6 times a day? Wouldn’t it suck to be the unfortunate dead ass who kept doing it? To have no original thoughts to contribute to a discussion but an unrelenting desire to do so anyway? If you don’t have anything worthwhile to post you could just sit tight and laugh. Or you could go kill yourself and nobody would ever miss you.
hey #115 dude, you suck dude. Hate your holier than thou mind reading ass dude. Go kill your self dude you fucking dude you. I hate dudes.
#115 whatever dude, chill
I need to put my head in an oven. I am a cocksucker, how’s that for a contribution? Maybe I should go back to NSBB and listen to Sanjay H. in all his wisdom.
“Maybe I should go back to NSBB and listen to Sanjay H. in all his wisdom. ”
Another good one! Did you just make that up?
It wasn’t meant to be a joke, go the fuck away you tool.
Desipio needs a good shot of me to get rid of this sudden outbreak of festering sores.
We are terrible, absolutely terrible. We need to go the fuck away.
Starring Phil Rogers…oh god, why?
Desipio needs one of me to clean out all of the ill will on this board, not user names and passwords. See the half-dozen or so posts above this for a good example.
Either that, or Corey Patterson needs to be brought back to the Cubs and then go on a subsequent tear at the plate, so that everyone can unite and dogpile on Chuck.
Since the odds of that happen are about the same as seeing a Jean-Luc Godard film on WGN’s Rain Delay Theater, I’m the best alternative to what ails Desipio.
Did you all listen to me tell off callers who dared to rip Dusty? I am an assbag.
Glad to get that out of the way, now where shall I play 18 tomorrow?
I’ve accomplished my 300th win and 3,000th strikeout since re-becoming a Cub. I’m still going to the HOF a Brave, plus I’m being overpaid….Jokes on you cubs fans!
I am lower than dogshit. I need to kill myself…I am that bad.
Just a reminder…I am the Black Jesus.
Fuck off #127.
As in Angelina Jolie’s mohawk baby?
I am so bad. Why am I still in the big leagues?
Man, I dig this ballpark. Can’t you just feel the love?
I F’in suck. Good thing Dusty didn’t waste his best pinch hitter in the eigth. He proved to be valuable in the extra innings.
I’m reading all of your minds. There’s bound to be an original thought eventually.