In important sports news, Danni, the Kansas City sports radio “host” won the $1,000,000 grand prize, beating Stephenie, the two-time loser who likes to talk about how athletic she is. That’s not news, what is news is that Danni, when all cleaned up, is now the best looking Survivor ever.
Miguel Tejada is now saying that he never wanted to get traded by the Orioles (sure, whatever), but Phil Rogers thinks the Cubs could have gotten him if they’d offered Carlos Zambrano in the trade. Phil babbles a lot, but one good point he does make is that given the reckless way that Dusty has handled his young pitchers, it’s probably a matter of when, not if, Carlos gets hurt. Though we all like to pretend that Carlos is too tough to get hurt, one of these days when he grabs his arm it’s not going to be a cramp. Still, I would think that if the O’s want to trade Tejada any time in the near future, that you could get him without giving up Carlos or Mark Prior. One of the advantages the Cubs would have in that trade is that their old scouting director, John Stockstill is with the Orioles now and you just know he’s got a few man-crushes on guys he drafted in the Cubs’ system.
Thomas Jones says the loss will make the Bears hungry. That’s good because it made the rest of us lose our appetites.
Muhsin says the Bears offense sucks (well he doesn’t come right out and say that) and how ludicrous is it that Tank Johnson got fined for that pansy assed late hit call last week on Farvuhruh?
Kirk Hinrich is on the short (well if 36 is short) list for the next Olympic team.
Ed Sherman on what a dud the schedule for the rest of ABC’s Monday Night Football is.
Groucho cooks up several possible trades, one would get the Bulls Chris Bosh for Tyson Chandler, Ben Gordon and a number one. Hey, even I’d do that one.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to rail that the Bears’ season is over. I love how he says that Roethlisberger can get a big pass play when he needs one. That’s true, but those pass plays involve him throwing the ball 15 yards and a receiver running 30 more. The Bears can’t do that, and that’s hardly Kyle Orton’s fault.
Mariotti was at it yesterday when his doughnut was set down so he could talk about how brilliant the Sox postseason moves have been. You just watch, while he lauds the trades for Thome and Mackowiak now, in five months it’ll be “How could you trade your gritty-gutty centerfielder for an old guy with a bad back and how could you not do better than Rob Mackowiak?”
The Wizard of Roz urges the Cubs to trade for Jose Vidro. But there has been troublesome talk that his knees are so bad that the Nats have only given lip-service to talk that Alfonso Soriano would move to the outfield while they try to dump Jose’s contract on some poor schlubs. Like the Cubs. Roz is right, if healthy, Vidro would be a great get for the Cubs. He’d be more productive and comfortable batting second than even Rafael Furcal would have been. But eight million a year is a lot for a guy with two bum knees. However, if you can get the Nats to eat some of the salary and you can find a doctor who tells you he’s got a shot, why not do it? Roz is right in that the Nats will have to give him away, and insurance could probably pick up your share of his deal if his legs fall off. Ah, what the hell! Go for it.
Stan Van Gundy is headed back to the porn industry. He’s “resigned” from the 11-10 Heat and Pat Riley’s just a bottle of Wildroot away from his old job.
Jayson Stark says the Orioles don’t plan on trading Tejada. But they’re not ruling anything out.
Just the Bears’ luck. Peter King was in Pissburgh, likely to do a story for the magazine on the Bears’ great defense, and the defense doesn’t show.
Ken Rosenthal says that if the Orioles do trade Tejada, that the Cubs would be the likely frontrunners. (Only to have Ned Colletti jump in at the last minute and steal him away.)
America’s finest news source wonders why Americans continue to fail to capitalize on their coupon wealth.
I really am on crack. Trade Z for Tejada? WTF am I thinking? How do I keep my job?
You work for me Phil, that’s how. We not only encourage ineptitude, we reward it.
If things don’t work out for me at Arlington now that Pat Day has retired, I’m just going to kill myself.
If I have to write one more mind-numbing propaganda piece for the Tribune’s sports face, that is.
My soul is shot. It’s placing in the fourth race at Hawthorne tomorrow or bust.
Phil:
I see you got my memo on throwing out outlandish trades in an effort to get everyone to read your column. Good job. Keep up the good work.
How does everyone feel about me for Miggy, rather than Z?
We think you and Miggy would be a great pair! We hear he likes tall, lanky whote boys!
Things are so bad in the Cardinals’ clubhouse that I went to San Francisco to get away from the queers.
If Brown is out for the rest of the year, the D is in serious trouble. Mike Green might be the worst safety in the league (thank God we signed him to a mult-year), and as a safety Todd Johnson is a good special teamer. Did you see him get blocked on that screen pass in the opening minutes?
It doesn’t say a lot that your best safety was an undrafted rookie. That being said, I think they rebound and win 2 of the next 3. That will be good enough to win the division. But I am worried because the margin for error for this team is razor thin as we saw yesterday.
I’m way hotter than Danni.
I’m not so bad myself.
[img]http://www.stuffmagazine.com/girls/amber_brkich_ii/amber_brkich_ii_l1.jpg[/img]
You’re also stupider than me, #10.
Nice job on Pierre and sorry about Furcal, would have been a good fit. Just to keep things in perspective for y’all, here’s a glimpse of what i am dealing with down south. From the FW Star-Telegram this morning in an article where Matt Morris admits he doesn’t have the juevos to pitch in our park, our “Plan B” is unveiled: “Kansas City’s Jeremy Affeldt is a possibility, and the Cardinals, who are looking for outfield help, could move Jason Marquis if they re-sign Morris. Baltimore needs an outfielder and appears willing to discuss Erik Bedard. Minnesota wants to move Kyle Lohse.
Lesser free agents who have been discussed include Brett Tomko, Byung-Hyun Kim and Jason Johnson. Sidney Ponson is another possibility.”
so…things could be worse cubbie fans, just trying to keep you guys in line
Aww, that’s not so bad, Tex. Ponson only got five days in jail today for his third DUI.
I’ve heard people ponder moving him to the bullpen as a closer. I guess he’d be following the Eckersley model in more ways than one.
I was going to agree that Orton didn’t play particularly poorly in this game. Then I saw that of the 10 failed 3rd down conversions, 7 were on incomplete passes, 2 were on sacks, and the last was a run by Thomas Jones.
As you’re fond of saying, Andy, guh.
I can’t believe this Dose went by without commentary on my injury. When’s the last time a cornerback suffered a concussion while blindside sacking the quarterback??
Let’s hope he doesn’t stop there, i think we could all appreciate a mullet on Fat Sid
“relative sloth of the Bear receivers?”
None of the Bear receivers are MY relative, dude. I’m white, dude, and none of my ancestors owned any slaves, let alone slept with any.
Okay, I double-checked my stats on those 3rd downs and came up with:
1 failed run (Orton – a nice play actually)
1 failed run (Jones)
7 incomplete pass (1 was a “no play” due to penalty, 1 dropped pass [Jones])
2 sacks
All 3 converted 3rd downs were done on completed passes.
Oh, and there was that nasty 4th down throw about 2 yards behind Justin Gage in the 4th quarter to make the loss basically “official”.
First, I had the misfortune of having to weather that game in the very top row (LL) of the north endzone. At least the fans up there were too cold to really harass me.
From what I could tell, Orton played well. When he held on to the ball forever, I didn’t see anyone open for him to throw it too, and I thought he made a few good passes into coverage – especially the one Mush dropped inside the Steeler 10 during the 2nd quarter, where it was low and a bit behind him, but in the only window Orton had. You gotta have a big receiver come up with a ball that hits both hands there.
The running backs also added 4 or 5 incompletions to his stat line that aren’t his fault.
Also, the defense, for as much as they got run on, did a good job of forcing the Steelers receiving corps to cough up the ball. It’s just bad luck when you go 0/3 on forced fumbles.
After yesterday, I remain skeptical about how Grossman changes the equation. Sure, Orton made one bad throw into coverage and sailed a 3rd down or two, but it’s not his fault he got sacked immediately after every timeout. That’s on Turner and the offensive play calling.
The loss was bad, but we’re a fumble recovery, a receiver making another big play, sticking w/ the running game after losing a yard on 1st and goal at the 2, and Lovie not accepting the offensive pass interference call w/ a 4th and 1 near midfield looming away from being in or winning that game.
Orton really doesn’t factor into that all that much. Oh – he did more than throw slants, he looked good on the outs too.
Sorry Tex, but a little respect, please. I’m the original Fat Sid. Ponson’s El Dos.
Got it, jefe?
*Breaking News*- my boys just traded a bucket of feces for vicente padilla. we’ll know in May who got the better end of that one.
El Sid, i sincerely apologize
We just said that the 05 Colts would whoop on the 85 Bears. Citing the fact that the 85 Bears only beat that years’ Colts by 7, and the fact that the Bears’ offense wasn’t good. Why do we havve jobs?
We weren’t good?
Not according to us. Skip said average at best. We’re idiots.
Yeah, that’s right! I sucked. Big time. Now, if you excuse me, I think me and my ghost are going to haunt Bayless.
I think a matchup between the 1985 Bears and the Colts would result in Peyton Manning’s hospitalization.
Besides, I didn’t know that a 17-10 win over the Colts the Sunday after the Monday Night debacle at the Orange Bowl, with the division and homefield locked up, and with the Jets still looming on the schedule made us a bad team.
I believe I heard somewhere that the Bears were second in the NFC that year.
I do know that Payton, finally with a stud O-line, had over 1,500 yards. They also had some high-scoring games (38 (TB) 33 (Minny), 44 (duh), 36 (ATL)). How much of those high point totals had to do with the defense, I can’t remember, other than Richard Dent’s 1-yard INT TD in the Dallas game.
With a healthy McMahon to go along with McKinnon, Moorehead, Suhey, and Payton, not to mention Covert, Hilgenberg, Thayer, Bortz and Van Horne, lwho were leading the way, that’s hardly the 2000 Ravens, no?
“…(as his is wont) [sic]…”
Pure gold, intentional or otherwise. Love that! Speaking of which, check out Bill (“Willie Red Cubs”) Simmons’ Friday entry at Page2, on the current state of the NFL. I think he’s too kind, or chose in his state of Patriot chubdom not to see what a crap league this has been in the process of becoming, and it’s gone into overdrive in the last five years. Either way, what took ya so long?
Anyhow, the Bears don’t “suck,” although they certainly did yesterday across the board (and Orton was…Orton!). They’re better than average, I guess. I dunno. Anymore, what’s “good”? It’s funny, many’s the time I’ve gotten into the argument (usually with 280-pound ex-high school offensive tackles wearing over-oversized Kerry Wood jerseys on blazing hot summer days at Arlington Park) about the evils of programmed mediocrity (say “parity” if self-delusion is your bag). It usually ends with him saying something profound and brilliant, a real argument-ender such as, “So, you like it better when the same teams are always in it, year after year,” and me retorting, “So long as one of them is the team I’ve been rooting for my whole life, what the hell do I care about the perpetual losers?” Then he scoops up his deep-dish nacho platter and huffs off to the two-dollar window, as the Cubs’ bullpen silently blows another late lead on one of the overhead TV monitors…
I was coked up most of 1985, but I do remember the Bears O beating some good defenses, like the 49ers D, the Vikings D, the Cowboys D, the Jets D, the Patriots D (yes they had a good defense then)…
Does everyone like how we had one bad game, and all of a sudden, on every “sports” show we suck now? We are gonna lose out and maybe not even make the playoffs. I wouldn’t wanna be Mike Vick right about now…especially after Briggs and Urlacher get a look at yesterday’s film.
Jim McMahon led the NFC in yards per passing play in 1985. Payton set a record for most consecutive 100 rushing games. I distinctly remember Ditka lamenting (jokingly) that if the defense didn’t keep giving the Bears the ball so close to the end zone they’d roll up more yards.
There’s a reason people (not all of them Bears fans) insist the ’85 Bears were the best team ever.
I’m a douchebag anyway. hell, people with any common sense should boycott my brother’s restaurant until I am publicly flogged and tossed into the Chicago River.
There’s a reason that when Vanderbilt touts its sportswriters they invoke the names of Grantland Rice, Buster Olney, Lee Jenkins and Tyler Kepner… but not me. I sense the school wishes that I made like Al Gore and flunked out.
Hey brother, I’ve got a mean new guzpacho recipe I want you to try. It’s soo fantastic, that even you’ll like it.
Nope. Sorry Rick, I just don’t like it as much as the other one you made. Mostly because I never like anything that other people like. I am Mr. Opposite, two years from now, I will say this was the best guzpacho I ever had. Why hasn’t someone kicked me in the face yet?
Rick,
You know I’m supposedly the best chef in the city. But if you invite Skip over, and put arsenic, LSD, exlax or all three in your gazpacho recipe for him to try, you will be revered from coast to coast.
You know, really I should be blamed for the beast that’s Skip Bayless. Had I stayed with the Trib and not taken the golf mag gig full-time, you’d have my wit to look forward to, not Bayless’ drivel. And had Gene Wojchiechowski not left the Trib, you’d have had me, Woj, Lincicome and an occassional gem from Morrissey. Instead you have doddering son-in-law of Dean Martin Mike Downey churn out 500 words in between naps and pudding breaks and Rick Morrissey trying to carry the sports page, which is like Glendon Rusch trying to carry the Cubs pitching staff or Hunter Hillenmeyer carrying the Bears’ Defense.
number 20: “The loss was bad, but we’re a fumble recovery, a receiver making another big play, sticking w/ the running game after losing a yard on 1st and goal at the 2, and Lovie not accepting the offensive pass interference call w/ a 4th and 1 near midfield looming away from being in or winning that game.”
…and we’re also one pissburgh-steelers-team-not-showing-up-yesterday away from
winning the game.
I believe the exact opposite of everything #20 and #38 just said. I’m such a fire-cracker.
Hey Skip, I think I might give you a run for your money in the worst sportswriter ever contest.
Go back to Russia!
In Russia, road forks you!
This will go over like a lead balloon, but, its time for Rex the wonder bear to start. Kyle has done what any good backup is supposed to do, play good, safe football until the starter is healthy. In a perfect world if Rex gets hurt in game one we would all say Kyle has done a great job while he was away. Rex was the starter and Kyle moved up the depth chart because everyone else sucked. If Rex cant get it done then bring Kyle back in, but the wonder bear should at least get the opportunity to start again. OK bash away now!
I agree! Bring in Rex the Wonder Bear! Sexy Rexy time, baby!
Hey 33, lets not go about dissing people just because their brothers are assholes, OK?
Now is not the time to audition quarterbacks. If Rex was a proven point producer then you could pull the plug on Kyle and go for the sure thing. If you had Kurt Warner or Drew Bledsoe on your bench recovering from broken ankles, you make that move. But Warner or Bledsoe he’s not. He’s not even a proven game manager. People say it can’t be worse but that’s stupid. It can be whole hell of a lot worse. It could be three-straight losses worse.
The time to audition a new quarterback will come. Don’t worry. Bourbonnais is right around the corner. Preseason games are the time to try unproven quarterbacks out. Next year, we’ll let both kids go at it and see how we are. If Rex proves to be the better QB and can stand without crutches after the pre-season, then by all means start him. Til then, shut your stupid ass face. You are not funny you don’t know shit and you are starting to make my ears hurt. You ignorant slut.
If yesterday’s game taught us something it’s that this Bears team is not a Super Bowl contender. It would be great to win the NFC North Division title. It’s not going to come easy. You can’t risk it because you think you MIGHT have a better quarterback on your bench even though your coaches insist otherwise. Please be quiet and drink your beer. Baseball season is coming soon so you can start pretending you know something about that and sound halfway convincing. Til then you are just wasting people’s time. I hope you die.
If you wanted an injury prone middle infielder, why didn’t you just re-sign me and save some money?
Was it just me or did the once dominant running game decide to shut down in the game we needed them the most. It was snowing buckets out there and here we are passing it like it was 70 and sunny. It was the perfect time to use the ground game to pound out some yards and keep possesion but the Bears never established the ground game. I’m just saying you should dance with the lady that brought you there and that lady’s name was Thomas Jones.
One of my sources in the Dakota territory tells me that a trade of JD Drew for Williams and Guzman is imminent. Just thought I’d put this on your radar.
You’ll thank me tomorrow.
If you wanted a shoddy, strikee-out prone lefty, why didnt you sign me…even i strike out less than Jacque Jones..
At least my beloved Cardinals traded Ray King before I turned to dust.
No championship caliber team has a loogy that fat.
Dr. Strangecub – The Steelers run defense is one of the best out there, period. And, somehow, Orton seemed to get a little better once the snow hit. Wierd, huh? And it wasn’t like we needed to throw and score quickly or anything….
I wish we could’ve run better, but credit the Steelers D for taking that away. We just got outcoached and outplayed on Sunday. It’s the NFL, and really, the Steelers should be a 2 loss team – if it weren’t for Tommy Maddox’s incompetence. You’ll lose to good teams on the road – that’s all that happened. We just have to win a big one at home this week.
…or that black. What? I’m a redneck.
I agree with Mr. Burnitz, why move on Jones or even Drew for that fact. Drew is overpaid for the amount of games he will play. Jones will make Corey look like an All Star. Let compare just the SO numbers and see how they fair….
Jackass Jones SO stats for 2005
120 SO in 523 AB
JD Drew SO stats for 2005
50 SO in 252 AB
Korey Patterson SO stats for 2005
118 SO in 451 AB
Now I am no rocket scientist but it seems to me that no matter who you put in a Cubbies uniform we are going to here a lot of “Strike 3” calls in 06. If that is the case, then bring Mr. Burnitz. He struck out 109 in 605 AB…. that is right 605 AB, if any of the above players had that many plate appearances, Jones would be conservatively around 135 SO, Drew would be around 120 SO and Corey would be right around 273 SO. Who knows if Drew can even stay healthy, Jones is an older version of Patterson and Corey is just….well he is Corey what more needs to be said.
If these are our choices for RF, then we can assume that there will be a lot of runners left in scoring position or on base when these fine ballplayers come to the plate.
I turn 37 on April 15. If you’re counting on me to put up these stellar numbers .258/.322/.435 again next year, you are taking a gamble with very little upside and major risk for catastrophe. Now, granted Mr. Jones put up .249/.319/.438 but he’s almost exactly six years younger and has some decent speed and the potential at least to put up better numbers than he or I did last year. So you don’t just go with me if you can go with him. Niether of us is the second coming of Bob Clemente but either of us would be preferable to J.D. Drew who is the Rex Grossman of rightfielders — which is to say supposedly decent when healthy — but when exactly is that?
So you could sign Jacque and wait for your messiah, Felix Pie to get ready or you can trade one of your top starting pitchers for an all-star caliber rightfielder.
Oh, you could also just go with Corey Patterson in right. But seriously, you don’t want me. I suck. I’ve proved and at my age, I’m not going to suck any less than I already do. Thanks for a great year. I love all you bitches dearly.
All of this is pointless, as I can’t be signed by the Cubs until after May 1st anyway.
Thing is, #46, we’re old and bad and, individually speaking, don’t make for much of an exhibit in support of this argument. The national media may slobber over us to this very day, and yes, we’ve accomplished a few things in this profession (including, you’ll recall, thorough painful whippings of the Bears’ collective ass much more often than not) –but anymore, try suffering through sixteen weeks of supporting a team that features either one of us as a starting quarterback these days.
In other words, you’ll see most of our touchdown passes and maybe a third of our idiotic interceptions on SportsCenter; when it comes to the latter, Cardinals and Cowboys fans have vivid, first-person recollections of every last damn one of ’em.
So, it’s “stick with Orton, lest Rex come in and wind up on the losing end of three straight,” is it? Um, okay. And if Orton winds up on the losing end of three straight, and circumstances combine to crash the Bears out of postseason eligibility, will that refute the argument? To suggest that “It can’t be any worse if you go with Grossman” is, in your charitable assessment, “stupid”; is it therefore not possible that, with Grossman, it actually could get better? We’ll see, or maybe we won’t. In any case, fans of a playoff-chasing team have the right to expect to see the man out there who, in the professional judgment of the coaching staff, puts the offense in the best position to contribute to a winning effort in that particular game. That’s all a fan should ask, and if one can be confident that such is the way that they’re playing it, then one should be prepared to accept the result either way. Orton or Grossman. Win or lose. Postseason or bust.
The point about those two deadass QBs was that with either of them, you’d know what you were getting if you were to put them in during a playoff race. You could effectively gauge whether they were better than Kyle Orton based on past performance in all types of games – including playoffs. To have one of them or their peers coming back from injury in this situation would make for a REAL quarterback controversy. Rather than the contrived bullshit trumped up by the morons in the local sporting press who we love to rip openly here and the fans who always want what they have not seen over what they see to be barely or hardly adequate on the field. With the Cubs and their prospects the situation was different. Go ahead and beg for the immediate canonization of Murton, Cedeno and Jermain Van Buren because it was clear the day Mark Prior got nailed in the elbow that the team was going nowhere. The same logic doesn’t apply here. The Bears are THIS CLOSE [] to a playoff berth so you don’t go and jack with the quarterback position that helped get you here unless you have a known and viable replacement. And we don’t know if we have one or not. But people want to see Rex because they don’t know if he’d be better or worse than Orton. Yet nobody’s crying for Jeff Blake? Why?
I’m a human highlight reel bitches!
Repeat champs? You betcha, bitches.
Isn’t it sad how stupid and incompetent I look compared to Kenny Williams. His team won the WS and he is improving it. My team played like crap and I’m putting out almost the same crap. Well, at least the Tribune Company can save some money. Well, maybe if I pretend Juan Pierre is much better than he actually is people will cut me some slack. No wonder I keep Dusty around, if I actually had a decent manager I would take the blame for not being able to multi-task or sign the players this team needs. Go Cubs. At least we have a knothole now.
Maybe if the Cubs could actually figure out how to talk up their farm system, they’d be good. I mean, how many of our can’t miss prospects have turned into major league studs? We know how to talk up our guys better than the Cubs do. Our GM also isn’t scared to trade unproven talent. But, how does getting Javier and Jim “can’t get out of bed in the morning” Thome make us a shoe-in. Yes, we are better prepared for the season than the Cubs, but who isn’t? Are Politte and Hermanson gonna dominate again? We still have a lot of question marks, so no #60, I wouldn’t be throwing the repeat word around yet.
When a GM wins me, he is considered a genius. It happens every year. The guy traded for Jurassic Carl twice for chrissakes. Let’s see what he does next year before we start calling KW a genius. He was a punchline until he got lucky. It’s not hard to make Jim Hendry look bad by comparison.
After 2003 we were calling Hendry and Baker a genius, oops! Question, if the Cubs won the WS, would they A: try to make team better like the Sox, B: a couple seasons later have a fire sale like the Marlins, or C: this is a moot point??????
well 64, I’m gonna go with c.