Kris Bryant Firehose of Splooge Thread

[PenFoe]

Kris and Dad (Mike, who played the minors but never made the bigs) hugging before the game today.

All the feels.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Kris and Dad (Mike, who played the minors but never made the bigs) hugging before the game today.

All the feels.

"Hey Fun Boys, get a room!"

[Bort]

He sucks. Trade him.

[Saul Goodman]

He sucks. Trade him.

He was clearly going to swing at every pitch there. It's cool, still four more ABs for four dongs.

[SKO]

He sucks. Trade him.

He was clearly going to swing at every pitch there. It's cool, still four more ABs for four dongs.

It's okay because Brett was quick to immediately link to his earlier tweet about Bryant K'ing 5 times in his first pro game. So, you know guys, in case anyone here actually thought one fucking strikeout in his first at bat was the end of times. Brett's here to calm us all down

[Brownie]

He sucks. Trade him.

What's Jed doing, calling this bum up before he's ready?

[Quality Start Machine]

He sucks. Trade him.

He was clearly going to swing at every pitch there. It's cool, still four more ABs for four dongs.

It's okay because Brett was quick to immediately link to his earlier tweet about Bryant K'ing 5 times in his first pro game. So, you know guys, in case anyone here actually thought one fucking strikeout in his first at bat was the end of times. Brett's here to calm us all down

Or maybe a guy who played last night, grabbed a late flight, and arrived to play his first major league baseball game in the afternoon amidst a media circus might not be at quite 100%?

[Powdered Toast Man]

He sucks. Trade him.

He was clearly going to swing at every pitch there. It's cool, still four more ABs for four dongs.

It's okay because Brett was quick to immediately link to his earlier tweet about Bryant K'ing 5 times in his first pro game. So, you know guys, in case anyone here actually thought one fucking strikeout in his first at bat was the end of times. Brett's here to calm us all down

Or maybe a guy who played last night, grabbed a late flight, and arrived to play his first major league baseball game in the afternoon amidst a media circus might not be at quite 100%?

I think we should just see how this plays out.

[Quality Start Machine]

He sucks. Trade him.

He was clearly going to swing at every pitch there. It's cool, still four more ABs for four dongs.

It's okay because Brett was quick to immediately link to his earlier tweet about Bryant K'ing 5 times in his first pro game. So, you know guys, in case anyone here actually thought one fucking strikeout in his first at bat was the end of times. Brett's here to calm us all down

Or maybe a guy who played last night, grabbed a late flight, and arrived to play his first major league baseball game in the afternoon amidst a media circus might not be at quite 100%?

I think we should just see how this plays out.

BIG CAJUN

[SKO]

He sucks. Trade him.

He was clearly going to swing at every pitch there. It's cool, still four more ABs for four dongs.

It's okay because Brett was quick to immediately link to his earlier tweet about Bryant K'ing 5 times in his first pro game. So, you know guys, in case anyone here actually thought one fucking strikeout in his first at bat was the end of times. Brett's here to calm us all down

Or maybe a guy who played last night, grabbed a late flight, and arrived to play his first major league baseball game in the afternoon amidst a media circus might not be at quite 100%?

What the hell are you responding to? I don't give a shit. I'm criticizing Brett for being the CALM DOWN police as though anyone rational is freaking out after one fucking AB. If someone is freaking out over that, one tweet won't help them, because they're a fucking idiot.

[PenFoe]

He sucks. Trade him.

He was clearly going to swing at every pitch there. It's cool, still four more ABs for four dongs.

It's okay because Brett was quick to immediately link to his earlier tweet about Bryant K'ing 5 times in his first pro game. So, you know guys, in case anyone here actually thought one fucking strikeout in his first at bat was the end of times. Brett's here to calm us all down

Or maybe a guy who played last night, grabbed a late flight, and arrived to play his first major league baseball game in the afternoon amidst a media circus might not be at quite 100%?

What the hell are you responding to? I don't give a shit. I'm criticizing Brett for being the CALM DOWN police as though anyone rational is freaking out after one fucking AB. If someone is freaking out over that, one tweet won't help them, because they're a fucking idiot.

If Theo had called him up on the road like he was supposed to, this never would have happened.

Fire Epstink.

[Powdered Toast Man]

He sucks. Trade him.

He was clearly going to swing at every pitch there. It's cool, still four more ABs for four dongs.

It's okay because Brett was quick to immediately link to his earlier tweet about Bryant K'ing 5 times in his first pro game. So, you know guys, in case anyone here actually thought one fucking strikeout in his first at bat was the end of times. Brett's here to calm us all down

Or maybe a guy who played last night, grabbed a late flight, and arrived to play his first major league baseball game in the afternoon amidst a media circus might not be at quite 100%?

What the hell are you responding to? I don't give a shit. I'm criticizing Brett for being the CALM DOWN police as though anyone rational is freaking out after one fucking AB. If someone is freaking out over that, one tweet won't help them, because they're a fucking idiot.

I have no bias for Brett, but you really are overreacting to him.

[SKO]

He sucks. Trade him.

He was clearly going to swing at every pitch there. It's cool, still four more ABs for four dongs.

It's okay because Brett was quick to immediately link to his earlier tweet about Bryant K'ing 5 times in his first pro game. So, you know guys, in case anyone here actually thought one fucking strikeout in his first at bat was the end of times. Brett's here to calm us all down

Or maybe a guy who played last night, grabbed a late flight, and arrived to play his first major league baseball game in the afternoon amidst a media circus might not be at quite 100%?

What the hell are you responding to? I don't give a shit. I'm criticizing Brett for being the CALM DOWN police as though anyone rational is freaking out after one fucking AB. If someone is freaking out over that, one tweet won't help them, because they're a fucking idiot.

I have no bias for Brett, but you really are overreacting to him.

That's fine. I think you're overreacting to my overreacting. I just think it's pretty church lady-ish to say REMEMBER BRYANT STRUCK OUT FIVE TIMES IN HIS FIRST EVER GAME as warning, and then link to your own tweet the second he strikes out, like "GUYS IT'LL BE OKAY". We know, man. It's baseball.

[PenFoe]

He sucks. Trade him.

He was clearly going to swing at every pitch there. It's cool, still four more ABs for four dongs.

It's okay because Brett was quick to immediately link to his earlier tweet about Bryant K'ing 5 times in his first pro game. So, you know guys, in case anyone here actually thought one fucking strikeout in his first at bat was the end of times. Brett's here to calm us all down

Or maybe a guy who played last night, grabbed a late flight, and arrived to play his first major league baseball game in the afternoon amidst a media circus might not be at quite 100%?

What the hell are you responding to? I don't give a shit. I'm criticizing Brett for being the CALM DOWN police as though anyone rational is freaking out after one fucking AB. If someone is freaking out over that, one tweet won't help them, because they're a fucking idiot.

I have no bias for Brett, but you really are overreacting to him.

That's fine. I think you're overreacting to my overreacting.

[Powdered Toast Man]

He sucks. Trade him.

He was clearly going to swing at every pitch there. It's cool, still four more ABs for four dongs.

It's okay because Brett was quick to immediately link to his earlier tweet about Bryant K'ing 5 times in his first pro game. So, you know guys, in case anyone here actually thought one fucking strikeout in his first at bat was the end of times. Brett's here to calm us all down

Or maybe a guy who played last night, grabbed a late flight, and arrived to play his first major league baseball game in the afternoon amidst a media circus might not be at quite 100%?

What the hell are you responding to? I don't give a shit. I'm criticizing Brett for being the CALM DOWN police as though anyone rational is freaking out after one fucking AB. If someone is freaking out over that, one tweet won't help them, because they're a fucking idiot.

I have no bias for Brett, but you really are overreacting to him.

That's fine. I think you're overreacting to my overreacting.

Yeah, I'm Mach 5 with my hair on fire raging upset.