Crazy Uncle Milton's Shot Blasting Sploogefest Emporium

[Brownie]

A "national columnist" for MLB.com penned this load of shit today:

"
The guy who threw the beer at Victorino should be doing a lifetime of community service, but he won't and that's the problem. Somebody will have to pay for this.
Blah blah blah (cut so I can get in under 5000 characters...)

Not a well-written column, but Bauman (I think) is actually satirizing the outrage over this. If you read the whole thing, it sounds like he's feigning Huey-sized anger over wasting the beer.

Huey might even agree that Bauman is trying to channel Mike Royko. But he's not even a poor-man's Royko (which John Kass tries to be). He's the toothless guy living under the Cicero/Stevenson overpass's Kass.

CHICAGO -- "In heaven there is no beer.
"That's why we drink it here."

Those words, of course, are from a polka song with a tremendous amount of staying power. It indirectly at least connects a religious premise to beer-drinking, which is a nifty maneuver. But the central theme is still the drinking of beer.

And that is where we are today with a basic life lesson that apparently has not been fully learned in some quarters: The beer is supposed to be swallowed, not thrown.

Terrible karma at Wrigley Field on Wednesday night. The beer was thrown, instead of being consumed. This episode will not capture the public imagination in the manner of the billy goat curse, because this episode is not 64 years old. But only more ill fortune can come from it. From the standpoint of bad karma, the guy who threw the beer is no nearer hero status than Steve Bartman.

Let us restate the particulars of this case. It is the fifth inning Wednesday night, a great night near a Great Lake, until the baseball game starts. The Cubs are being clobbered by the Phillies, 12-2. With the bases loaded and one out, Cubs third baseman Jake Fox hits a deep fly ball and Phillies center fielder Shane Victorino retreats to the warning track in left-center.

Just as Victorino makes the catch, he is hit with beer thrown by a fan. This is not a few drops from the bottom of the cup. This is a torrent of beer. This is a full beer, which makes this sorry incident even sorrier. The beer can be sipped or it can be chugged. But it cannot be thrown.

Had Victorino dropped the ball, fan interference would have been called and Fox would have been ruled out. But Victorino is a fine defensive player, and here you must credit him with truly superior concentration. The play was officially ruled a sacrifice fly. But in real-life terms, what was sacrificed was common sense, basic human decency and a perfectly good beer.

Postgame, Victorino wisely stayed above the fray by refusing to comment on the incident. He has not pressed formal charges against the beer-thrower. This may not be a case of legal remedies. This may simply be a case of beer.

Somebody had to apologize on behalf of the Cubs, and manager Lou Piniella stepped up.

"That shouldn't happen," Piniella said. "It's not good sportsmanship and it's not good behavior. We apologize to Victorino and the Phillies for that."

I have seen people smash beer bottles, and then, holding the jagged remains of the bottles by the necks, go after each other. They turned a couple of beer bottles into deadly weapons. But it must be said that, even while these combatants were apparently trying to kill each other with the broken beer bottles, they waited until the bottles were empty before smashing them. Even in the midst of mayhem and violence, this basic law of civilization was still observed. The beer was not wasted.

[Weebs]

A "national columnist" for MLB.com penned this load of shit today:

"
The guy who threw the beer at Victorino should be doing a lifetime of community service, but he won't and that's the problem. Somebody will have to pay for this.
Blah blah blah (cut so I can get in under 5000 characters...)

Not a well-written column, but Bauman (I think) is actually satirizing the outrage over this. If you read the whole thing, it sounds like he's feigning Huey-sized anger over wasting the beer.

Huey might even agree that Bauman is trying to channel Mike Royko. But he's not even a poor-man's Royko (which John Kass tries to be). He's the toothless guy living under the Cicero/Stevenson overpass's Kass.

CHICAGO -- "In heaven there is no beer.
"That's why we drink it here."

Those words, of course, are from a polka song with a tremendous amount of staying power. It indirectly at least connects a religious premise to beer-drinking, which is a nifty maneuver. But the central theme is still the drinking of beer.

And that is where we are today with a basic life lesson that apparently has not been fully learned in some quarters: The beer is supposed to be swallowed, not thrown.

Terrible karma at Wrigley Field on Wednesday night. The beer was thrown, instead of being consumed. This episode will not capture the public imagination in the manner of the billy goat curse, because this episode is not 64 years old. But only more ill fortune can come from it. From the standpoint of bad karma, the guy who threw the beer is no nearer hero status than Steve Bartman.

Let us restate the particulars of this case. It is the fifth inning Wednesday night, a great night near a Great Lake, until the baseball game starts. The Cubs are being clobbered by the Phillies, 12-2. With the bases loaded and one out, Cubs third baseman Jake Fox hits a deep fly ball and Phillies center fielder Shane Victorino retreats to the warning track in left-center.

Just as Victorino makes the catch, he is hit with beer thrown by a fan. This is not a few drops from the bottom of the cup. This is a torrent of beer. This is a full beer, which makes this sorry incident even sorrier. The beer can be sipped or it can be chugged. But it cannot be thrown.

Had Victorino dropped the ball, fan interference would have been called and Fox would have been ruled out. But Victorino is a fine defensive player, and here you must credit him with truly superior concentration. The play was officially ruled a sacrifice fly. But in real-life terms, what was sacrificed was common sense, basic human decency and a perfectly good beer.

Postgame, Victorino wisely stayed above the fray by refusing to comment on the incident. He has not pressed formal charges against the beer-thrower. This may not be a case of legal remedies. This may simply be a case of beer.

Somebody had to apologize on behalf of the Cubs, and manager Lou Piniella stepped up.

"That shouldn't happen," Piniella said. "It's not good sportsmanship and it's not good behavior. We apologize to Victorino and the Phillies for that."

I have seen people smash beer bottles, and then, holding the jagged remains of the bottles by the necks, go after each other. They turned a couple of beer bottles into deadly weapons. But it must be said that, even while these combatants were apparently trying to kill each other with the broken beer bottles, they waited until the bottles were empty before smashing them. Even in the midst of mayhem and violence, this basic law of civilization was still observed. The beer was not wasted.

I thought it sounded like satire too, but he might just be a shitty writer.

[TDubbs]

For the record, I don't date rape the bull dykes that I fuck.

[MAD]

For the record, I don't date rape the bull dykes that I fuck.

Yeah, right?  Why would you take them out on dates?

[Weebs]

For the record, I don't date rape the bull dykes that I fuck.

Yeah, right?  Why would you take them out on dates?

Bull dykes need love too.

[Internet Apex]

http://deadspin.com/5336740/is-this-person-the-wrigley-beer+tossing-hand-job

"Stay Classy, Cubs Fans."  Oh, Deadspin!  You're so clever!

Also, Kurt, it might help your cause if you stopped acting like you're the only person on the board who ever gets piled on.  Christ, BC and Weebs take ten times the undeserved beatings that you do, yet they don't whine and call people child molesters when it happens to them.  Lighten up.

CHRISTFACED BY MAD

If you ask me, Christ doesn't take nearly enough shit around here.

He keeps riding away on his bike!

Christ or Huard?

[Oleg]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwsQ3ADqO0A

The Chad on the left with the white hat, shades tucked in his shirt and the wristband is the one who threw it. Weebs is the poor jmoke in the glasses who gets hassled and tossed. He probably did something to deserve it anyway.

I had to wait to get home to see it, and now it's gone.  Anyone gots a copy?  Fucking Cubs...I can't even enjoy a good beer tossing when they lose.

Never mind.

[Canadouche]

http://deadspin.com/5336740/is-this-person-the-wrigley-beer+tossing-hand-job

"Stay Classy, Cubs Fans."  Oh, Deadspin!  You're so clever!

Also, Kurt, it might help your cause if you stopped acting like you're the only person on the board who ever gets piled on.  Christ, BC and Weebs take ten times the undeserved beatings that you do, yet they don't whine and call people child molesters when it happens to them.  Lighten up.

Erm.  I've never called anybody a child molester ... but I do think that this is TDubbs' kind of girl (extremely nsfw).  

[Canadouche]

What are you, autistic or something? Your atrocious grammar skills are making my gash bleed.

You're just kind of burying yourself.  Misspellings are essentially considered typographical errors, not grammatical ones.  Which you would know if you had the English grammar knowledge of a dyslexic Russian.  Dumb-ass.

[Weebs]

Godammit Kurt, we've all moved on!  This is worse than an Aaron Miles at-bat.

[flannj]

http://deadspin.com/5336740/is-this-person-the-wrigley-beer+tossing-hand-job

"Stay Classy, Cubs Fans."  Oh, Deadspin!  You're so clever!

Also, Kurt, it might help your cause if you stopped acting like you're the only person on the board who ever gets piled on.  Christ, BC and Weebs take ten times the undeserved beatings that you do, yet they don't whine and call people child molesters when it happens to them.  Lighten up.

Erm.  I've never called anybody a child molester ... but I do think that this is TDubbs' kind of girl (extremely nsfw).  

Thanks a lot Kurt.
At this moment I'm trying to explain to my wife why I visit this site.
"extremely nsfw" or not.

I have never given you grief before but you need to get a fucking grip.

[Internet Apex]

Godammit Kurt, we've all moved on!  This is worse than an Aaron Miles at-bat.

Miles at bats are over quickly and cause quick stabs of anger and disgust for many things. This is more like a Samardzjiza outing. Just cringe after cringe after forehead slap after cringe. 

[CT III]

So, I was away from Desipio most of this afternoon and just waded through the 6 pages of new posts in this thread.

It was not worth it.

[powen01]

http://deadspin.com/5336740/is-this-person-the-wrigley-beer+tossing-hand-job

"Stay Classy, Cubs Fans."  Oh, Deadspin!  You're so clever!

Also, Kurt, it might help your cause if you stopped acting like you're the only person on the board who ever gets piled on.  Christ, BC and Weebs take ten times the undeserved beatings that you do, yet they don't whine and call people child molesters when it happens to them.  Lighten up.

For the record, I do think all of you are child molesters.

I'm not going to lie; I've touched a lot of people.

[MAD]

http://deadspin.com/5336740/is-this-person-the-wrigley-beer+tossing-hand-job

"Stay Classy, Cubs Fans."  Oh, Deadspin!  You're so clever!

Also, Kurt, it might help your cause if you stopped acting like you're the only person on the board who ever gets piled on.  Christ, BC and Weebs take ten times the undeserved beatings that you do, yet they don't whine and call people child molesters when it happens to them.  Lighten up.

Erm.  I've never called anybody a child molester ... but I do think that this is TDubbs' kind of girl (extremely nsfw). 

The fuck is wrong with you, dude?  Seriously.

I think anybody here who was either ambivalent or sympathetic toward you now sees you as an all-encompassing fucktard not deserving of any sympathy.  You've become the nutzoid spazz on the playground that everybody eventually turns against.  Congratufuckinglations.