Saw a few trailers about this one and the "Red Band" trailer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ort07zcUs7g (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ort07zcUs7g)) looks pretty balls.
I'm worried that this might be some Al Gore global warming nonsense, though. Anybody know any more info?
Quote from: *In a Nutsack on May 26, 2008, 08:46:00 AM
Saw a few trailers about this one and the "Red Band" trailer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ort07zcUs7g (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ort07zcUs7g)) looks pretty balls.
I'm worried that this might be some Al Gore global warming nonsense, though. Anybody know any more info?
If this is the new M. Night Shalayman movie
--------------------SPOILER------------------------------
It's the plants.
I read that, too CT. It makes me think that it might not totally be all global warmingy, but I might wait a week or so to see thoughts from others.
After reading that early review whoever it was posted in the Shoutbox a while back, this movie just sounds stupid. I believe he said Mark Wahlberg gives one of the worst performances in the history of film.
Rather than see this movie, I think I'd prefer to have a happening ... in my pants.
Quote from: KurtEvans on May 26, 2008, 11:18:24 AM
Rather than see this movie, I think I'd prefer to have a happening ... in my pants.
I don't think I'd rather crap my pants than see this movie
I liked Signs and The Sixth Sense, but M. Night's others haven't been so great. Lady in the Water was random, I thought, but the wife liked it. The Village was barely watchable.
This one looked promising, but I don't want to be subjected to an ecofest. I get that everyday from the media and Home Depot commercials.
Quote from: *In a Nutsack on May 27, 2008, 07:50:46 AM
This one looked promising
Uh...
Quote"The Happening" is a terrible, terrible movie. I mean, it's bad on an epic scale. It's so bad that I can't possibly tell you how bad it is without understating the point or making it sound like I'm picking on the film. But let me stress: this is not pent-up Shyamalan aggression or a desire to see him fail. This is bad in a jaw-dropping "they can't really be serious, can they?" kind of way.
http://www.collider.com/entertainment/reviews/article.asp?aid=7903&tcid=1 (http://www.collider.com/entertainment/reviews/article.asp?aid=7903&tcid=1)
Quote from: RV on May 27, 2008, 09:21:23 AM
Quote from: *In a Nutsack on May 27, 2008, 07:50:46 AM
This one looked promising
Uh...
Quote"The Happening" is a terrible, terrible awful, awful movie. I mean, it's bad on an epic scale. It's so bad that I can't possibly tell you how bad it is without understating the point or making it sound like I'm picking on the film. But let me stress: this is not pent-up Shyamalan aggression or a desire to see him fail. This is bad in a jaw-dropping "they can't really be serious, can they?" kind of way.
http://www.collider.com/entertainment/reviews/article.asp?aid=7903&tcid=1 (http://www.collider.com/entertainment/reviews/article.asp?aid=7903&tcid=1)
Chucked.
Quote from: RV on May 27, 2008, 09:21:23 AM
Quote from: *In a Nutsack on May 27, 2008, 07:50:46 AM
This one looked promising
Uh...
Quote"The Happening" is a terrible, terrible movie. I mean, it's bad on an epic scale. It's so bad that I can't possibly tell you how bad it is without understating the point or making it sound like I'm picking on the film. But let me stress: this is not pent-up Shyamalan aggression or a desire to see him fail. This is bad in a jaw-dropping "they can't really be serious, can they?" kind of way.
http://www.collider.com/entertainment/reviews/article.asp?aid=7903&tcid=1 (http://www.collider.com/entertainment/reviews/article.asp?aid=7903&tcid=1)
Thanks RV.
Quote from: *In a Nutsack on May 27, 2008, 10:16:44 AM
Quote from: RV on May 27, 2008, 09:21:23 AM
Quote from: *In a Nutsack on May 27, 2008, 07:50:46 AM
This one looked promising
Uh...
Quote"The Happening" is a terrible, terrible movie. I mean, it's bad on an epic scale. It's so bad that I can't possibly tell you how bad it is without understating the point or making it sound like I'm picking on the film. But let me stress: this is not pent-up Shyamalan aggression or a desire to see him fail. This is bad in a jaw-dropping "they can't really be serious, can they?" kind of way.
http://www.collider.com/entertainment/reviews/article.asp?aid=7903&tcid=1 (http://www.collider.com/entertainment/reviews/article.asp?aid=7903&tcid=1)
Thanks RV.
If you were ever in teh shoutbox, you'd have known how terrible it was weeks ago
Quote from: TDubbs on May 27, 2008, 10:25:06 AM
Quote from: *In a Nutsack on May 27, 2008, 10:16:44 AM
Quote from: RV on May 27, 2008, 09:21:23 AM
Quote from: *In a Nutsack on May 27, 2008, 07:50:46 AM
This one looked promising
Uh...
Quote"The Happening" is a terrible, terrible movie. I mean, it's bad on an epic scale. It's so bad that I can't possibly tell you how bad it is without understating the point or making it sound like I'm picking on the film. But let me stress: this is not pent-up Shyamalan aggression or a desire to see him fail. This is bad in a jaw-dropping "they can't really be serious, can they?" kind of way.
http://www.collider.com/entertainment/reviews/article.asp?aid=7903&tcid=1 (http://www.collider.com/entertainment/reviews/article.asp?aid=7903&tcid=1)
Thanks RV.
If you were ever in teh shoutbox, you'd have known how terrible it was weeks ago I miss your musk
Reading between the lines'd
Quote from: RV on May 27, 2008, 09:21:23 AM
Quote from: *In a Nutsack on May 27, 2008, 07:50:46 AM
This one looked promising
Uh...
Quote"The Happening" is a terrible, terrible movie. I mean, it's bad on an epic scale. It's so bad that I can't possibly tell you how bad it is without understating the point or making it sound like I'm picking on the film. But let me stress: this is not pent-up Shyamalan aggression or a desire to see him fail. This is bad in a jaw-dropping "they can't really be serious, can they?" kind of way.
http://www.collider.com/entertainment/reviews/article.asp?aid=7903&tcid=1 (http://www.collider.com/entertainment/reviews/article.asp?aid=7903&tcid=1)
RV, I think we should go see this, and I'm only half kidding.
6th sense and Unbreakable were good. Signs blew. The Village sucked on a Nefian level.
M. Night Shamalamdingdong is an overrated hack.
Quote from: Andre Dawson's Creek on May 27, 2008, 11:11:53 AM
6th sense and Unbreakable were good. Signs blew. The Village sucked on a Nefian level.
M. Night Shamalamdingdong is an overrated hack.
I thought Signs was good until the end. Thankfully, I did not see The Village as I heard it was terrible. I did, however, see Lady In the Water, but honestly cannot remember a single thing about it other than there being a wolf of some sort in it and I don't even have the excuse of sleeping through the movie.
I liked 6th sense, Signs, and Unbreakable.
The Village was a shit sandwich.
Lady in the Water was meh.
Quote from: Waco Kid on May 27, 2008, 11:33:53 AM
I liked 6th sense, Signs, and Unbreakable.
The Village was a shit sandwich.
Lady in the Water was meh.
Why do people like Signs? It sucked.
Quote from: CT II on May 27, 2008, 11:42:03 AM
Quote from: Waco Kid on May 27, 2008, 11:33:53 AM
I liked 6th sense, Signs, and Unbreakable.
The Village was a shit sandwich.
Lady in the Water was meh.
Why do people like Signs? It sucked.
I liked it until the end. And until the aliens showed up in an Indiana Jones movie.
Quote from: Kerm on May 27, 2008, 11:49:55 AM
Quote from: CT II on May 27, 2008, 11:42:03 AM
Quote from: Waco Kid on May 27, 2008, 11:33:53 AM
I liked 6th sense, Signs, and Unbreakable.
The Village was a shit sandwich.
Lady in the Water was meh.
Why do people like Signs? It sucked.
I liked it until the end. And until the aliens showed up in an Indiana Jones movie.
Same here.
Quote from: Kerm on May 27, 2008, 11:49:55 AM
Quote from: CT II on May 27, 2008, 11:42:03 AM
Quote from: Waco Kid on May 27, 2008, 11:33:53 AM
I liked 6th sense, Signs, and Unbreakable.
The Village was a shit sandwich.
Lady in the Water was meh.
Why do people like Signs? It sucked.
I liked it until the end. And until the aliens showed up in an Indiana Jones movie.
Yeah, but the end of Signs is so completely and utterly brainless as to render the rest of it moot.
Quote from: CT II on May 27, 2008, 12:19:07 PM
Quote from: Kerm on May 27, 2008, 11:49:55 AM
Quote from: CT II on May 27, 2008, 11:42:03 AM
Quote from: Waco Kid on May 27, 2008, 11:33:53 AM
I liked 6th sense, Signs, and Unbreakable.
The Village was a shit sandwich.
Lady in the Water was meh.
Why do people like Signs? It sucked.
I liked it until the end. And until the aliens showed up in an Indiana Jones movie.
Yeah, but the end of Signs is so completely and utterly brainless as to render the rest of it moot.
But the wife told him to "swing away" before she died! There's something intrinsically brilliant about it, but what it is, is hard to define.
Quote from: CT II on May 27, 2008, 12:19:07 PM
Quote from: Kerm on May 27, 2008, 11:49:55 AM
Quote from: CT II on May 27, 2008, 11:42:03 AM
Quote from: Waco Kid on May 27, 2008, 11:33:53 AM
I liked 6th sense, Signs, and Unbreakable.
The Village was a shit sandwich.
Lady in the Water was meh.
Why do people like Signs? It sucked.
I liked it until the end. And until the aliens showed up in an Indiana Jones movie.
Yeah, but the end of Signs is so completely and utterly brainless as to render the rest of it moot.
Don't you see? EVERYTHING happened for a REASON! If anything, it's TOO brainy.
Quote from: Kerm on May 27, 2008, 12:22:03 PM
Quote from: CT II on May 27, 2008, 12:19:07 PM
Quote from: Kerm on May 27, 2008, 11:49:55 AM
Quote from: CT II on May 27, 2008, 11:42:03 AM
Quote from: Waco Kid on May 27, 2008, 11:33:53 AM
I liked 6th sense, Signs, and Unbreakable.
The Village was a shit sandwich.
Lady in the Water was meh.
Why do people like Signs? It sucked.
I liked it until the end. And until the aliens showed up in an Indiana Jones movie.
Yeah, but the end of Signs is so completely and utterly brainless as to render the rest of it moot.
Don't you see? EVERYTHING happened for a REASON! If anything, it's TOO brainy.
Personally, anything I've watched since then has just been beneath me.
"The Happening" was also the worst of the Supremes' singles.
Quote from: Kerm on May 27, 2008, 12:22:03 PM
Quote from: CT II on May 27, 2008, 12:19:07 PM
Quote from: Kerm on May 27, 2008, 11:49:55 AM
Quote from: CT II on May 27, 2008, 11:42:03 AM
Quote from: Waco Kid on May 27, 2008, 11:33:53 AM
I liked 6th sense, Signs, and Unbreakable.
The Village was a shit sandwich.
Lady in the Water was meh.
Why do people like Signs? It sucked.
I liked it until the end. And until the aliens showed up in an Indiana Jones movie.
Yeah, but the end of Signs is so completely and utterly brainless as to render the rest of it moot.
Don't you see? EVERYTHING happened for a REASON! If anything, it's TOO brainy.
Including an advanced alien race invading a planet that was covered in a substance that was extremely poisonous to it.
Quote from: CT II on May 27, 2008, 12:46:16 PM
Quote from: Kerm on May 27, 2008, 12:22:03 PM
Quote from: CT II on May 27, 2008, 12:19:07 PM
Quote from: Kerm on May 27, 2008, 11:49:55 AM
Quote from: CT II on May 27, 2008, 11:42:03 AM
Quote from: Waco Kid on May 27, 2008, 11:33:53 AM
I liked 6th sense, Signs, and Unbreakable.
The Village was a shit sandwich.
Lady in the Water was meh.
Why do people like Signs? It sucked.
I liked it until the end. And until the aliens showed up in an Indiana Jones movie.
Yeah, but the end of Signs is so completely and utterly brainless as to render the rest of it moot.
Don't you see? EVERYTHING happened for a REASON! If anything, it's TOO brainy.
Including an advanced alien race invading a planet that was covered in a substance that was extremely poisonous to it.
Yeah. Even if they'd won, the first rainfall would have been a bitch.
Quote from: CT II on May 27, 2008, 12:46:16 PM
Quote from: Kerm on May 27, 2008, 12:22:03 PM
Don't you see? EVERYTHING happened for a REASON! If anything, it's TOO brainy.
Including an advanced alien race invading a planet that was covered in a substance that was extremely poisonous to it.
Makes me think they weren't that advanced.
Quote from: Three times a JD on May 27, 2008, 01:29:41 PM
Quote from: CT II on May 27, 2008, 12:46:16 PM
Quote from: Kerm on May 27, 2008, 12:22:03 PM
Don't you see? EVERYTHING happened for a REASON! If anything, it's TOO brainy.
Including an advanced alien race invading a planet that was covered in a substance that was extremely poisonous to it.
Makes me think they weren't that advanced.
Makes me think the writer isn't very advanced, either.
Quote from: Kerm on May 27, 2008, 01:24:14 PM
Quote from: CT II on May 27, 2008, 12:46:16 PM
Quote from: Kerm on May 27, 2008, 12:22:03 PM
Quote from: CT II on May 27, 2008, 12:19:07 PM
Quote from: Kerm on May 27, 2008, 11:49:55 AM
Quote from: CT II on May 27, 2008, 11:42:03 AM
Quote from: Waco Kid on May 27, 2008, 11:33:53 AM
I liked 6th sense, Signs, and Unbreakable.
The Village was a shit sandwich.
Lady in the Water was meh.
Why do people like Signs? It sucked.
I liked it until the end. And until the aliens showed up in an Indiana Jones movie.
Yeah, but the end of Signs is so completely and utterly brainless as to render the rest of it moot.
Don't you see? EVERYTHING happened for a REASON! If anything, it's TOO brainy.
Including an advanced alien race invading a planet that was covered in a substance that was extremely poisonous to it.
Yeah. Even if they'd won, the first rainfall would have been a bitch.
Ever hear of a poncho and an umbrella? Obviously the aliens are more advanced than you.
Quote from: Slaky+ on May 27, 2008, 01:30:22 PM
Quote from: Three times a JD on May 27, 2008, 01:29:41 PM
Quote from: CT II on May 27, 2008, 12:46:16 PM
Quote from: Kerm on May 27, 2008, 12:22:03 PM
Don't you see? EVERYTHING happened for a REASON! If anything, it's TOO brainy.
Including an advanced alien race invading a planet that was covered in a substance that was extremely poisonous to it.
Makes me think they weren't that advanced.
Makes me think the writer isn't very advanced, either.
I was hoping someone would go there. I'm glad it was you, Gim 2.
The Village always bugged me because I don't understand how they got away without paying property tax. Is that eight foot wall really going to keep the county's tax collectors from that sizable portion of their tax rolls?
Quote from: ChuckDickens on May 27, 2008, 02:51:38 PM
The Village always bugged me because I don't understand how they got away without paying property tax. Is that eight foot wall really going to keep the county's tax collectors from that sizable portion of their tax rolls?
Let me tell you a little something about INCENTIVES...
I hear one of the new X Files trailers will be played with "The Happening."
Still not enough to get me to go.
Quote from: TDubbs on May 27, 2008, 10:25:06 AM
Quote from: *In a Nutsack on May 27, 2008, 10:16:44 AM
Quote from: RV on May 27, 2008, 09:21:23 AM
Quote from: *In a Nutsack on May 27, 2008, 07:50:46 AM
This one looked promising
Uh...
Quote"The Happening" is a terrible, terrible movie. I mean, it's bad on an epic scale. It's so bad that I can't possibly tell you how bad it is without understating the point or making it sound like I'm picking on the film. But let me stress: this is not pent-up Shyamalan aggression or a desire to see him fail. This is bad in a jaw-dropping "they can't really be serious, can they?" kind of way.
http://www.collider.com/entertainment/reviews/article.asp?aid=7903&tcid=1 (http://www.collider.com/entertainment/reviews/article.asp?aid=7903&tcid=1)
Thanks RV.
If you were ever in teh shoutbox, you'd have known how terrible it was weeks ago.
Blame the Fun Police.
Quote from: *In a Nutsack on May 28, 2008, 07:57:10 AM
Quote from: TDubbs on May 27, 2008, 10:25:06 AM
Quote from: *In a Nutsack on May 27, 2008, 10:16:44 AM
Quote from: RV on May 27, 2008, 09:21:23 AM
Quote from: *In a Nutsack on May 27, 2008, 07:50:46 AM
This one looked promising
Uh...
Quote"The Happening" is a terrible, terrible movie. I mean, it's bad on an epic scale. It's so bad that I can't possibly tell you how bad it is without understating the point or making it sound like I'm picking on the film. But let me stress: this is not pent-up Shyamalan aggression or a desire to see him fail. This is bad in a jaw-dropping "they can't really be serious, can they?" kind of way.
http://www.collider.com/entertainment/reviews/article.asp?aid=7903&tcid=1 (http://www.collider.com/entertainment/reviews/article.asp?aid=7903&tcid=1)
Thanks RV.
If you were ever in teh shoutbox, you'd have known how terrible it was weeks ago.
Blame the Fun PoliceFEMA.
Quote from: *In a Nutsack on May 28, 2008, 07:57:10 AM
Blame the Fun Police.
Hey Fun Police! Yeah, I'm talkin' to you! I BLAME you. You hear me? I. Blame. YOU. Live with THAT.
Quote from: ChuckDickens on May 27, 2008, 02:51:38 PM
The Village always bugged me because I don't understand how they got away without paying property tax. Is that eight foot wall really going to keep the county's tax collectors from that sizable portion of their tax rolls?
They were living on Indian land.....
Quote from: PTanner on May 28, 2008, 08:00:27 AM
Quote from: *In a Nutsack on May 28, 2008, 07:57:10 AM
Quote from: TDubbs on May 27, 2008, 10:25:06 AM
Quote from: *In a Nutsack on May 27, 2008, 10:16:44 AM
Quote from: RV on May 27, 2008, 09:21:23 AM
Quote from: *In a Nutsack on May 27, 2008, 07:50:46 AM
This one looked promising
Uh...
Quote"The Happening" is a terrible, terrible movie. I mean, it's bad on an epic scale. It's so bad that I can't possibly tell you how bad it is without understating the point or making it sound like I'm picking on the film. But let me stress: this is not pent-up Shyamalan aggression or a desire to see him fail. This is bad in a jaw-dropping "they can't really be serious, can they?" kind of way.
http://www.collider.com/entertainment/reviews/article.asp?aid=7903&tcid=1 (http://www.collider.com/entertainment/reviews/article.asp?aid=7903&tcid=1)
Thanks RV.
If you were ever in teh shoutbox, you'd have known how terrible it was weeks ago.
Blame the Fun PoliceFEMA.
Eyre has a FEMA trailer?
I want your tales immortalized, Gil. Tell us how bad this movie is. It's so very close to being "so bad I have to see it."
Quote from: Kerm on June 16, 2008, 02:36:15 PM
I want your tales immortalized, Gil. Tell us how bad this movie is. It's so very close to being "so bad I have to see it."
Save your money. For epic fail, The Movie Spoiler is your friend.
http://www.themoviespoiler.com/Spoilers/thehappening.html
Quote from: Andre Dawson's Creek on June 16, 2008, 02:42:49 PM
Quote from: Kerm on June 16, 2008, 02:36:15 PM
I want your tales immortalized, Gil. Tell us how bad this movie is. It's so very close to being "so bad I have to see it."
Save your money. For epic fail, The Movie Spoiler is your friend.
http://www.themoviespoiler.com/Spoilers/thehappening.html
But I want to SEE it fail!!!
Quote from: Kerm on June 16, 2008, 02:45:17 PM
Quote from: Andre Dawson's Creek on June 16, 2008, 02:42:49 PM
Quote from: Kerm on June 16, 2008, 02:36:15 PM
I want your tales immortalized, Gil. Tell us how bad this movie is. It's so very close to being "so bad I have to see it."
Save your money. For epic fail, The Movie Spoiler is your friend.
http://www.themoviespoiler.com/Spoilers/thehappening.html
But I want to SEE it fail!!!
I'm very tempted to go see it. Too bad Get Smart comes out this weekend, otherwise I definitely would have made it an Epic Fail Weekend, brought to you by M. Night Shayamalan.
So my review of "The Happening," hereinafter referred to as "Shit," begins last Friday when I left work. I returned home early to find my cousin, i.e. my current roommate because I am too cheap to rent my own place, eagerly reading an IMDB page on his laptop. Intrigued, I pondered over his shoulder, so that I could glimpse at what had so captivated him. It was the IMDB message board for Shit. He was, needless to say, curious about the film. An offer was extended in which he would pay for my ticket if I would accompany him to see Shit. Being the X Files geek that I am, and knowing that this movie came with an X Files trailer, I accepted his offer. Needless to say, extraordinary rendition would have been a better choice.
Why do I tell you all of this first, because I believe this story is infinitely more engaging that the plot of Shit.
The movie begins, as all movies do, with the title credits. These, however, have clouds as the backdrop. Not like the cloud introduction to "Back to the Future 2," but clouds like "I'm laying on my back in the middle of my backyard on a summer day, looking at the sky and watching the clouds." Yeah, those kinds of clouds. Ghey.
We move straight into Central Park, New York. The screen says, "8:36 AM." Yeah, it is absolutely mid-afternoon. This is when M. Night lost me. Also, we are given the first death. Two women, clearly having just left "Sex and the City" and eager to read the novelization, are sitting on a bench. One hears a woman scream offscreen, asks her friend if she heard that, gets no response, and then sees everyone stop. Ok, kinda cool. But why isn't she affected? Hmm? This is the beginning of several trends. 1. Every park scene has a duo walking and talking, one of whom becomes affected, and the other one not. Then said affected of the duo commits suicide. 2. Every park scene has a man or woman walking a dog, the human becoming affected, the dog not so much. Well, anyway, said unresponsive woman pulls an incredibly long hairpin, curiously sharp as well, from her hair and sticks it into her neck. Ok, kinda cool.
Enter Marky Mark. Teacher, wearer of J. Crew, and all-around pushover. Spoiler alert, he'll live...sadly. He asks his high school class: "Have you read this article in the New York Times about the bees disappearing?" Ok, two problems. First, NO 16 YEAR OLD READS THE NEW YORK TIMES, EVER!!! Secondly, he reads the line in this "Hey, guys did you see this shit!" tone of voice; very scientific. Trust me, see the movie, he'll do it about a 100 times. Minor point, wasn't that like two years ago or something? Whatever.
So, Marky Mark is called out of his classroom, after a delightful scene in which there is no SIGN (get it?) of actual teaching, and proceeds to head to a theater. Enter Alan Ruck. He got the best deal out of this movie; he only had to deliver one line and then he was gone. Maybe he got the clue before the end of filming. Anyway, Cameron tells the assembled mass that something has HAPPENED (get it?) in New York and that they think it is terrorists. Go figure. So, they cut classes for the day. Woo hoo, wind day!
Enter John Leguizamo. He got the second best gig out of this movie, as his contributions are noticeably brief. Also, John needs some tooth whitening, since he might have some smudge left on them from "Spawn." He delivers a math joke, remember because people are comforted by statistics, and then suggests that they get the heck out of dodge, or in this case Philadelphia.
Enter Zooey Deschanel, which in French means "From the Channel," or in my interpretation from the shitter, like this movie. In any event, she is at home, watching the news. Seems like Marky Mark has also been playing some GTA San Andreas at home (watch for it). But Zooey has been playing around with someone named Joey (Lawrence?). This is an interesting subplot, because Leguizamo suggests that he saw Zooey at the wedding and she was crying, maybe because she realizes that she can't share tiramisu with random men anymore. So, Marky Mark comes home and gets out of his J. Crew sweater vest (I know, because I own the same one) and suggests that they go to Harrisburg, PA via train, because Marky Mark evidently has ditched his Mini Cooper from "The Italian Job" and is doing the green thing by walking to work.
Part 2 next...
So, our band of heroes, or in this case, Zooey, Marky Mark, John Leguizamo, and John's kid head to the train station in Philly. John has already gotten 4 tickets, but his wife won't be with him because she had something else to do. Like die in Princeton, NJ. Anyway, Marky Mark and Zooey have a fight because Mark had the audacity to tell John that he had a fight with Zooey. Zooey suggests that they sit apart on the train, mainly because she wants to talk to Joey.
The train steamrolls to Harrisburg, when someone gets the word that Philly has been hit, along with Boston. Harrisburg has evidently been hit as well, so the train can go no further. Marky Mark is curious and dumb, because instead of looking at the sign that says "Filbert, PA" right behind him, he asks the conductors where they are. They say they can't get in touch with Harrisburg. Why not, you may ask? Because they have clearly passed it. About 191 miles before. What, don't believe me? (http://maps.google.com/maps?q=Filbert%2C%20PA%20to%20Harrisburg%2C%20PA&ie=UTF-8&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&sa=N&tab=wl)
So, the group heads to a local cafe to eat and do some other equally unimportant things. The TeeVee says that it might not be a terrorist attack, and then, the lights go out, which causes one intrepid patron to say, "If we stay here, we might die." Yeah, panic ensues and everyone leaves. Leaving Marky Mark, Zooey, the girl and John Leguziamo's daughter stranded. Alas, Marky Mark finds a couple willing to take them (somewhere) and that he has room for four. John, however, finds another Jeep owner who is heading to Princeton, NJ. Ok, before we go on, let's get some PA geography down. The movie says that they are out of Harrisburg, but somewhere north. Needless to say, you don't need to go north at all to get there, but c'est la vie (oh is that French, foreshadowing) So, the movie says that they are somewhere near Scranton. John wants to go to "The Village (get it?) of Princeton" to find his wife. So he ditches the kid to go. He ends up in Princeton seemingly ten minutes later. Yeah, the trees got to them too. But, John suggests that they seal everything in the car. He does, but not before the fat woman in the back seat panics. He suggests, and I'm not kidding, math riddles. Seriously. Sadly, he also notices the tiny crack in the top of the roof. He knows he is soon to die. We get an exterior of the car, and it stops, and then speeds up, only to hit a tree at about 40 mph, sending the fat woman and the other woman from the back out of the windshield. Oddly, enough, these become men on the ground. Who knew? John exits the car unfazed, but infected with the toxin. And, in the moment you have been waiting for, finds some broken glass to slice his wrists. Thank God.
Marky Mark seems to have hitched a ride with the plant people, or in appropriate words, a horticulturalist. He needs to head home to get some supplies first, like hot dogs, so he tells Mark "to look around first." Why? Moving along, Mark and the gang enter a greenhouse (effect people!) and see tons of plants. The plants are listening to Mozart, nice touch, and get some loving from the horticulturalist before he leaves (get it?). So, as they drive on a lonely road, as many are in Pennsylvania, they see some animals in the road. Upon closer inspection, they are really dead people. So, that road is sealed off. Then Gomer Pyle from the local Army base comes along and says that the base is affected too. So, road two is cut off. Then, from the other two roads come people who say they can't go down those roads either. So, it's time to get a map...
and move on to part 3.
So, now the group has become much larger. Gomer Pyle finds a man who knows the area really well, a local real estate agent! Huzzah! The Asian agent, not kidding, suggests that they had to some remote county, because no one lives there. Great idea. So, they have to hike. But, not before the plant people tell Marky Mark that plants can talk to each other and that some plants respond to certain types of dangers. Please, don't beat me over the head M. Night.
So, the large group starts walking and the wind kicks up, causing Mark to suggest that they split into smaller groups. Ok, good idea. But pan over to the second group, one man is fighting with another man (foreshadowing) and the wind kicks up, and the people use Gomer's gun to kill themselves. Great.
Now Mark's group finds a house on the horizon, a modern house in an exurban development (We're through the looking glass, people!) in which everything inside is fake. After some terrible jokes using this premise, the group, now having added two random fat kids, moves along. But, they are hungry and gassy, and so they need a place to rest. They find an older house, boarded up, along the road. Zooey lets the kid use the swing on the tree (bad move) and the people in the house won't let them come in, because they'll bring the virus. Sensible. But, one of the fat kids thinks this rejection is a bridge too far, and kicks his foot against the door in righteous indignation. Well, the owner opens the door and blasts the kid with a shotgun in the chest. Another shotgun comes out of the window and blows the other fat kid away. Mark goes to the second fat kid, whose head is clearly blown open (which you can see) and says, I kid you not, "You're gonna make it." Merely a flesh wound.
So, they move along, and find another abandoned house. Zooey keenly observes that it has "no power lines." Mark walks on the front porch. We can see some fresh linens on the clothesline behind him, but he still thinks no one is there. He finds a woman who the audience is supposed to think is odd. Obviously, they should spent more time in Pennsylvania. She says Mark is eyeing her lemon drink, and decides to invite them in for dinner and to rest.
At dinner, the kid tries to take a cookie from the table, but the woman hits her on the hand really hard. She then extends an offer to spend the night. In the bedroom, Zooey and Mark have a moment, and Mark decides to walk out into the hallway. He sees the woman in a sexy night gown who warns him not to "murder her in her sleep." Yeah, they'll leave a light on for you in this place.
Morning, Mark wakes up and hears some laughter in the background and walks downstairs. He doesn't find anyone, so he walks into the crazy woman's bedroom, which has alot of Jesus-y things in it, along with a meticulously crafted doll, dressed to look exactly like her. She catches him in the room, and accuses him of stealing. She's being mean. She orders them to leave. She walks outside, into the plants, the wind kicks up, and she decides to off herself by banging her head against the wall and windows.
So, now Mark and Zooey and the kid think they are going to die. But, one is in the house, and Zooey and the kid are in some old slave hut, connected with a speaking tube. Mark doesn't want to die like that, so he walks out to meet Zooey, and they meet in the middle. Nothing happens. They walk back into the house, the screen says 9:36 am, because at some other point it was suggested that this thing will naturally end at like 9 in the morning (why?) and everything is nice. Ok, another problem. IT ISN'T EVEN CLOSE TO 9 AM!!! It is clearly the afternoon, again.
Whatever, Mark and Zooey and the kid move back to the now friendlier and brotherly-lovelier town of Philadelphia, population 14. The kid shows no remorse at just having lost her parents, but whatever. Zooey takes a pregnancy test and finds out that she is pregnant (with Joey's kid) and the movie ends.
AHHHH HAHAHA! Not before the Tee Vee says that this was just a warning from the plants. And that more might happen. But, the tee vee says skeptics (damn assholes) claim that if it was just a warning, why only hit the NE US?
Flash forward to Versailles, where two clearly gay Frenchmen (are they any other kinds?) are then infected in the same manner as the beginning. I think they were talking about Sex and the City, as well.
So, there it is, my review of Shit.
PS - Some people die in some cool ways, so that is interesting.
PPS - The new X Files movie is going to rock, so there's that too.
QPD, but if you go to the IMDB page for this movie and check out the boards, the apologists are out in full force.
To summarize:
"You're too young to get this movie."
"This movie was too deep for the general audience."
"This movie was intended to be a B-movie."
Enjoy...
Good lord, that review was masterful.
Can we call it THE CRAPPENING? Or has that already been thought up? If not, you heard it from me first!
Best B Movie Ever.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/Movies/06/17/mnight.shyamalan/index.html
Quote from: BH on June 17, 2008, 11:25:24 AM
Best B Movie Ever.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/Movies/06/17/mnight.shyamalan/index.html
Oh, I see. We're all just too dumb to realize that his movie was SUPPOSED to suck.
Does B stand for "bowel movement"?
Quote from: Jon on June 16, 2008, 08:25:17 PM
Good lord, that review was masterful.
Seconded.
Can we get a floor vote?
Quote from: Thrillho on June 17, 2008, 11:11:42 PM
Quote from: Jon on June 16, 2008, 08:25:17 PM
Good lord, that review was masterful.
Seconded.
Can we get a floor vote?
Now I think I need to go see this, and I will provide a review of
Shit's sister film,
The Crappening.
Quote from: Weebs on June 18, 2008, 12:20:26 AM
Quote from: Thrillho on June 17, 2008, 11:11:42 PM
Quote from: Jon on June 16, 2008, 08:25:17 PM
Good lord, that review was masterful.
Seconded.
Can we get a floor vote?
Now I think I need to go see this, and I will provide a review of Shit's sister film, The Crappening.
I feel like that review was so thorough, Gil took me from not wanting to see it, to desperately wanting to see it, to sparing me the agony of going to see it. Thanks, Gil.
There was no way that this movie wasn't made as a joke. Marky Mark is a fairly decent actor, I think, but he was blatantly saying his lines like a tard. It was weird.
Quote from: TDubbs on December 21, 2008, 09:49:58 PM
Marky Mark is a fairly decent actor, I think, but he was blatantly saying his lines like a tard.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/37753/saturday-night-live-mark-wahlberg-talks-to-animals
Hey, chicken. How's it hangin'? A lot of people wanna eat you, but I just wanna talk to you, okay? We should do a film together, whaddya think? Hey, chicken, I'm not joking around, okay? This is the real thing, I mean this could be huge! All right, well, think about it. Say "hi" to your mother for me, alright? Now I'm gonna talk to a goat.
Quote from: TDubbs on December 21, 2008, 09:49:58 PM
There was no way that this movie wasn't made as a joke. Marky Mark is a fairly decent actor, I think, but he was blatantly saying his lines like a tard. It was weird.
You watched it without me? You bastard.
Quote from: Kerm on December 22, 2008, 10:00:21 AM
Quote from: TDubbs on December 21, 2008, 09:49:58 PM
There was no way that this movie wasn't made as a joke. Marky Mark is a fairly decent actor, I think, but he was blatantly saying his lines like a tard. It was weird.
You watched it without me? You bastard.
Flights were delayed due to the bad weather, so I figured you were out.
Quote from: TDubbs on December 21, 2008, 09:49:58 PM
There was no way that this movie wasn't made as a joke. Marky Mark is a fairly decent actor, I think, but he was blatantly saying his lines like a tard. It was weird.
THI. It was on HBO over the weekend. I had to record it and watch it. It was absolutely hysterical. Not just Marky Mark, but EVERYONE in the movie acted like a tard. There was a moment at the beginning just after Zooey finished talking to Joey (IT WAS JUST TIRAMISU!) where she hung up the phone, yet the camera lingered on her, and she put her chin up to her face in the fakest, "I'm acting thoughtful" way I've ever seen.
Uncle Rico talking about how much he loved hot dogs was surreal.
Marky Mark's scene when he's trying to run through the steps of his completely wrong scientific method (aloud) was amazing.
The lady's reaction to the video of the guy letting the lions rip his arms off was hilarious.
Why did the people in the boarded-up house OPEN THEIR SLATTED WINDOWS AND DOOR to shoot the two teenage kids?
Marky Mark talks to a plastic plant. My God.
R-V is all kinds of right about Marky Mark's, "I HEAR THE WIND IN THE BACKGROUND!" scene. Outstanding.
Was the girl from first "happening" (speaking of which, didn't they call them "events" or something totally different in the movie?) and the guy from the last happening immune to the plantardation? That might have been a useful angle to explore.
This movie just HAS to be a comedy.
Quote from: Kermit, B. on December 23, 2009, 10:09:32 AM
Quote from: TDubbs on December 21, 2008, 09:49:58 PM
There was no way that this movie wasn't made as a joke. Marky Mark is a fairly decent actor, I think, but he was blatantly saying his lines like a tard. It was weird.
THI. It was on HBO over the weekend. I had to record it and watch it. It was absolutely hysterical. Not just Marky Mark, but EVERYONE in the movie acted like a tard. There was a moment at the beginning just after Zooey finished talking to Joey (IT WAS JUST TIRAMISU!) where she hung up the phone, yet the camera lingered on her, and she put her chin up to her face in the fakest, "I'm acting thoughtful" way I've ever seen.
Uncle Rico talking about how much he loved hot dogs was surreal.
Marky Mark's scene when he's trying to run through the steps of his completely wrong scientific method (aloud) was amazing.
The lady's reaction to the video of the guy letting the lions rip his arms off was hilarious.
Why did the people in the boarded-up house OPEN THEIR SLATTED WINDOWS AND DOOR to shoot the two teenage kids?
Marky Mark talks to a plastic plant. My God.
R-V is all kinds of right about Marky Mark's, "I HEAR THE WIND IN THE BACKGROUND!" scene. Outstanding.
Was the girl from first "happening" (speaking of which, didn't they call them "events" or something totally different in the movie?) and the guy from the last happening immune to the plantardation? That might have been a useful angle to explore.
This movie just HAS to be a comedy.
I just caught the second half of it the other day, and now I really want to watch the first half. Hilariously bad movie. Also funnier, after Zoey has confessed her "adultry" to Marky Mark, he later gets back at her in this great exchange:
MM: "If we're going to die, I want you to know something. I was in the pharmacy a while ago. There was a really good-looking pharmacist behind the counter. Really good-looking. I went up and asked her where the cough syrup was. I didn't even have a cough, and I almost bought it. I'm talking about a completely superfluous bottle of cough syrup, which costs like six bucks."
Zoey: "Are you joking?"
Quote from: CT III on December 23, 2009, 10:54:33 AM
Quote from: Kermit, B. on December 23, 2009, 10:09:32 AM
Quote from: TDubbs on December 21, 2008, 09:49:58 PM
There was no way that this movie wasn't made as a joke. Marky Mark is a fairly decent actor, I think, but he was blatantly saying his lines like a tard. It was weird.
THI. It was on HBO over the weekend. I had to record it and watch it. It was absolutely hysterical. Not just Marky Mark, but EVERYONE in the movie acted like a tard. There was a moment at the beginning just after Zooey finished talking to Joey (IT WAS JUST TIRAMISU!) where she hung up the phone, yet the camera lingered on her, and she put her chin up to her face in the fakest, "I'm acting thoughtful" way I've ever seen.
Uncle Rico talking about how much he loved hot dogs was surreal.
Marky Mark's scene when he's trying to run through the steps of his completely wrong scientific method (aloud) was amazing.
The lady's reaction to the video of the guy letting the lions rip his arms off was hilarious.
Why did the people in the boarded-up house OPEN THEIR SLATTED WINDOWS AND DOOR to shoot the two teenage kids?
Marky Mark talks to a plastic plant. My God.
R-V is all kinds of right about Marky Mark's, "I HEAR THE WIND IN THE BACKGROUND!" scene. Outstanding.
Was the girl from first "happening" (speaking of which, didn't they call them "events" or something totally different in the movie?) and the guy from the last happening immune to the plantardation? That might have been a useful angle to explore.
This movie just HAS to be a comedy.
I just caught the second half of it the other day, and now I really want to watch the first half. Hilariously bad movie. Also funnier, after Zoey has confessed her "adultry" to Marky Mark, he later gets back at her in this great exchange:
MM: "If we're going to die, I want you to know something. I was in the pharmacy a while ago. There was a really good-looking pharmacist behind the counter. Really good-looking. I went up and asked her where the cough syrup was. I didn't even have a cough, and I almost bought it. I'm talking about a completely superfluous bottle of cough syrup, which costs like six bucks."
Zoey: "Are you joking?"
The first half is worth it, if only to watch Marky Mark teach high school biology and to watch John Leguizamo die a horrible death.
I've never wanted so badly to watch a terrible movie.
Quote from: PenFoe on December 23, 2009, 12:18:14 PM
I've never wanted so badly to watch a terrible movie.
I still don't.
Quote from: PenFoe on December 23, 2009, 12:18:14 PM
I've never wanted so badly to watch a terrible movie.
I can safely say that this one is actually worth watching. It was just mesmerizing. I kept thinking, "Okay, THAT'S the most ridiculous thing that they'll say or do," and I just KEPT BEING WRONG. They run away from wind. Wind!
Oh, and I found it absolutely hilarious that they never actually do figure out what's happening. Like why those people were immune. Or how the trees controlled the wind. Or how bad the Philadelphia public high school system is that they hired Marky Mark AND John Leguizamo. Seriously. No explanation whatsoever. I imagine M. Night was already so far into writing the script, he didn't want to throw it out just because he couldn't come up with a logical explanation for this nonsense. I think that's how Stephen King ends every single one of his books.
Quote from: Slack-E on December 23, 2009, 12:27:27 PM
Quote from: PenFoe on December 23, 2009, 12:18:14 PM
I've never wanted so badly to watch a terrible movie.
I still don't.
Me, neither. I'd forgotten aboot the movie, actually. But, now, after reading all of this, I'm actually thinking aboot watching. If you could see me now, I'd be sitting here with my chin up to my face(which leaves my hands free to type and makes it a really super-terrific thoughtful pose, BK), thinking aboot watching this movie.
Nah. I think I'll still skip it. I just wanted a really stupid and elaborate way to point out Kerm's "chin up to her face" line, which I didn't even quote.
Quote from: JD on December 23, 2009, 01:33:50 PM
Quote from: Slack-E on December 23, 2009, 12:27:27 PM
Quote from: PenFoe on December 23, 2009, 12:18:14 PM
I've never wanted so badly to watch a terrible movie.
I still don't.
Me, neither. I'd forgotten aboot the movie, actually. But, now, after reading all of this, I'm actually thinking aboot watching. If you could see me now, I'd be sitting here with my chin up to my face(which leaves my hands free to type and makes it a really super-terrific thoughtful pose, BK), thinking aboot watching this movie.
Nah. I think I'll still skip it. I just wanted a really stupid and elaborate way to point out Kerm's "chin up to her face" line, which I didn't even quote.
After she put her chin up to her face, she put her hand to her chin. It was AMAZING.
Quote from: Kermit, B. on December 24, 2009, 11:46:10 AM
Quote from: JD on December 23, 2009, 01:33:50 PM
Quote from: Slack-E on December 23, 2009, 12:27:27 PM
Quote from: PenFoe on December 23, 2009, 12:18:14 PM
I've never wanted so badly to watch a terrible movie.
I still don't.
Me, neither. I'd forgotten aboot the movie, actually. But, now, after reading all of this, I'm actually thinking aboot watching. If you could see me now, I'd be sitting here with my chin up to my face(which leaves my hands free to type and makes it a really super-terrific thoughtful pose, BK), thinking aboot watching this movie.
Nah. I think I'll still skip it. I just wanted a really stupid and elaborate way to point out Kerm's "chin up to her face" line, which I didn't even quote.
After she put her chin up to her face, she put her hand to her chin. It was AMAZING.
She puts her chin up to her face, one hand at a time like everyone else, bub.
I was hoping this thread was still around.
Quote"The Last Airbender" is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented. The laws of chance suggest that something should have gone right. Not here. It puts a nail in the coffin of low-rent 3D, but it will need a lot more coffins than that.
http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20100630/REVIEWS/100639999
Quote from: R-V on June 30, 2010, 02:26:02 PM
I was hoping this thread was still around.
Quote"The Last Airbender" is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented. The laws of chance suggest that something should have gone right. Not here. It puts a nail in the coffin of low-rent 3D, but it will need a lot more coffins than that.
http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20100630/REVIEWS/100639999
WHY HAS THIS THREAD BEEN BUMPED????!?!?!?!?!?!
NO!!!!!!!!
Ooo, SOLID bump, RV. I was actually thinking about this movie the other night after I watched Blindness. Did anyone see that disaster? Like The Happening, it had a sufficiently creepy premise, but also like The Happening, the acting was awful, the dialog was awful, and the cause of the epidemic was never addressed. At one point, Julianne Moore, while carrying encased sausages, walks about five feet away from a blind guy. The dude not only somehow smells that she's carrying meat, but also manages to smellolocate her and attack her. Julianne Moore is the only sighted person in the city, yet she still manages to lose half of her escape party while simply walking through the streets. She also gets raped by a bunch of blind dudes. Oh, and Mark Ruffalo was in it, acting as terrible as ever.
Quote from: Kermit IV on June 30, 2010, 03:03:08 PM
Ooo, SOLID bump, RV. I was actually thinking about this movie the other night after I watched Blindness. Did anyone see that disaster? Like The Happening, it had a sufficiently creepy premise, but also like The Happening, the acting was awful, the dialog was awful, and the cause of the epidemic was never addressed. At one point, Julianne Moore, while carrying encased sausages, walks about five feet away from a blind guy. The dude not only somehow smells that she's carrying meat, but also manages to smellolocate her and attack her. Julianne Moore is the only sighted person in the city, yet she still manages to lose half of her escape party while simply walking through the streets. She also gets raped by a bunch of blind dudes. Oh, and Mark Ruffalo was in it, acting as terrible as ever.
He was okay in Zodiac.
Quote from: R-V on June 30, 2010, 02:26:02 PM
I was hoping this thread was still around.
Quote"The Last Airbender" is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented. The laws of chance suggest that something should have gone right. Not here. It puts a nail in the coffin of low-rent 3D, but it will need a lot more coffins than that.
http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20100630/REVIEWS/100639999
Piling on:
http://io9.com/5576076/m-night-shyamalan-finally-made-a-comedy
QuoteAnd The Last Airbender is a lavish parody of big-budget fantasy epics. It's got everything: the personality-free hero, the nonsensical plot twists, the CG clutter, the bland romance, the new-age pablum. No expense is spared — Shyamalan even makes sure to make fun of distractingly shitty 3-D, by featuring it in his movie.
QuoteShyamalan's true achievement in this film is that he takes a thrilling cult TV series, Avatar: The Last Airbender, and he systematically leaches all the personality and soul out of it — in order to create something generic enough to serve as a universal spoof of every epic, ever.
QuoteIn the middle of a summer of proctologically un-thought-out action movies, The Last Airbender breezes past self-parody into a full-on comedy assault that will have you hearing Shyamalan's mocking laughter in your sleep. It's an absurdist masterpiece, in which a million things happen but nothing takes place. (In completely flat 3-D.) This is the standard by which all future epics will be judged.
Quote from: Eli on July 01, 2010, 12:49:31 PM
Quote from: R-V on June 30, 2010, 02:26:02 PM
I was hoping this thread was still around.
Quote"The Last Airbender" is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented. The laws of chance suggest that something should have gone right. Not here. It puts a nail in the coffin of low-rent 3D, but it will need a lot more coffins than that.
http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20100630/REVIEWS/100639999
Piling on:
http://io9.com/5576076/m-night-shyamalan-finally-made-a-comedy
QuoteAnd The Last Airbender is a lavish parody of big-budget fantasy epics. It's got everything: the personality-free hero, the nonsensical plot twists, the CG clutter, the bland romance, the new-age pablum. No expense is spared — Shyamalan even makes sure to make fun of distractingly shitty 3-D, by featuring it in his movie.
QuoteShyamalan's true achievement in this film is that he takes a thrilling cult TV series, Avatar: The Last Airbender, and he systematically leaches all the personality and soul out of it — in order to create something generic enough to serve as a universal spoof of every epic, ever.
QuoteIn the middle of a summer of proctologically un-thought-out action movies, The Last Airbender breezes past self-parody into a full-on comedy assault that will have you hearing Shyamalan's mocking laughter in your sleep. It's an absurdist masterpiece, in which a million things happen but nothing takes place. (In completely flat 3-D.) This is the standard by which all future epics will be judged.
I'm definitely stealing "proctologically."
I'm bumping this thread to keep Gil's review.
Quote from: CT III on February 01, 2013, 12:55:27 PM
I'm bumping this thread to keep Gil's review.
Thanks for the link: http://www.desipio.com/messageboard/index.php?topic=5952.msg135368#msg135368
So, I just got back from work, I'm getting fairly drunk, and I've decided to watchi this movie again...
NEW REVIEW FORTHWITH!!
The opening title credits are just hundreds of seconds of clouds...
I KNOW THE TWIST ALREADY, MNIGHT!
The dog in the first scene is already the best actor in this whole thing already...
This is the worst opening of a Law and Order episode ever...BRISCOE!!!
Both of these chicks are highly bangable...
DO CHICKS REALLY STILL USE GIANT ICEPICKS FOR THEIR HAIR!!?!?!?
Requisite ethnic blue collar worker scenes...
Who's Christ MacKenzie? Worst name ever!
MNight's tribute to 9/11 is the construction worker scene... I think he's being too callous here. TOO SOON MNIGHT!!
Mark Wahlberg's character talks to his students like Tim Tebow.
Fuck bees...fuck movies...
The stupid kid in the classroom just totally guessed the right answer...DID YOU READ THE SCRIPT TOO?!?!?
Real question: Is John Leguizamo still alive?
CAMERON!!!
Confused speech, physical disorientation, third phase is fatal... that's two-thirds of a Yetti's day.
"Central Park? That's odd." Eat a dick, marky mark.
What's wrong with your tooth, Leguiz?
Oh, Mark's losing Zooey...boo hoo...
So you saved that crucial factoid about Mark's future wife until after the wedding...SMART
There's a scene with Zooey and her cell phone...APPLE TOTALLY STOLE THAT FOR THAT ONE AD!!!
The CDC is based in Atlanta, MNIGHT...not at the UN...that's the WHO!! Seriously, screen capture that shit, you tard.
STOP SPELLING OUT THE PLOT!!!
What do you think about when Zooey's just staring at shit with her mouth open? You know what I think about? THW WIND!!!
Nice douche ring, mark.
Zooey's cheating...with a stupidier person than Marky.
Ukee Washington? Is that a name?
Leguiz's kid's backpack is as big as the kid.
Cabbage Patch Dolls...only 80s kids get that...
Who takes trains? Commupeans, that's who.
Meanwhile...here...
THE WIND IS ABLOWING!!
Japanese Philadelphian police officers...now I've seen everything...
Oh, nice bullet entry wound...FAKE
SECOND FAKE...
This is the scene the NRA objected to the most...
That black girl's pants on the train are too tight...
OH NO NOT PHILADELPHIA!?!?! WHITHER OUR NATIONAL CHEESE WHIZ SUPPLY?
"Another park?" God, you're terrible, Marky.
There's an add on this train for just bread...not even like a store, just bread...
ON DEMAND COMMERCIAL BREAK...MORE VODKA!!
And we're back...
This train looks like it's going thru the rare Pennsylvanian jungles you've heard about.
Ok, Mark, you just literally saw the sign (get it?) that says Filbert and you're asking the conductor where you are? I thought you were all mr. big smart j-crew science teacher...idiot...and you can't act for shit.
They lost contact with ... everyone? What does that even mean?
Zooey doesn't show emotions...she's a Vulcan.
"We're in a small town, Jess, nothing will happen to us here." There's so much stupid in that sentence, I don't even know what to say. AUSCHWITZ WAS A SMALL TOWN TOO, MARK!! YOU ANTI-SEMITE!!
They find the one diner in this town? No Taco Bells? FOURTH MEAL!!
This mood ring scene continues to demonstrate that Mark cant act...
The first iphone...
Worst cgi ever...those lions aren't even believable.
Larry's Automotive paid handsomely for this product placement...
It's not terrorists and it's hitting small towns, like this one that the idiot pointed to on the TV...
"Wait, don't forget your doggy bags!!!"
Mark needs to work on his begging skills...
Oh yeah, old school jeeps with the wood panels...nice
LEguiz is going to die...duh.
Hey, take my kids...and I'm sure this rando guy is just going to sit around forever...
NO MATH JOKES!!!
Second honk...
Oooh aggressive-aggressive Leguiz on Zooey.
45 mph speed limit on a main street in a small town? FAKE
oooh there's a nuke plant in the background...HUMANS ARE TERRIBLE, RIGHT MNIGHT?!?!
PLANTS AND MOZART!!!
This guy totally uses hot dogs as marital aids.
Hot dog-fucker just revealed the movie...again.
That's a huge thing for just mustard.
PRINCETON, SOMEWHERE...CITY ON THE GOOOO!!!
How did these guys tie such great hanging ropes out of garden hose?
Math riddle!!
I can hear thw wind...that's the ballgame.
PINHOLE LEAK!!!
DEATH!! COME ON!!
Wrost death ever...
Leguiz you gotta go north to south, not east to west...rookie mistake...
I see dead people...through the binoculars.
Oh, we gotta turn around, eh Mark? No shit, Rand McNally.
Private Pyle is the most believable character in this movie.
There's always time for adultery, Zooey...even during the happening...
The rare Ford Probe...
Live death on a cell phone...if it came from anyone but MNUGHT, this'd be cool...
HOW CAN YOU HEAR THE WIND FROM OUTSIDE ON THE PHONE THAT CLEARLY??!?!?!
How is it not a violation of child labor laws for kids to appear in this shitty movie? Call DCFS.
COMMERCIAL BREAK!! TIME TO SHIT!!
The guy's eating a hot dog now?
The way this guy talks sounds like MNIGHT just read Wikipedia articles one night and decided to make a movie...
What's wrong with that old woman's face in front of Gomer?
See Asians guys know how to read maps...and he's a REALTOR!!
This pan of them walking through the grass is MNIGHTS homage to the Sound of Music...BECAUSE THE HILLS ARE ALIVE!!!
Randomly walking in the grass during a disaster with your deceased friend's daughter is always the best time to reveal one's infidelity...
Yeah, Mark, her lying to you is the worst thing right now...
WIND...RUN IN AN UNSPECIFIED DIRECTION!!
Its happening
I have that same holster, just in case...
The wind is clearly blowing around Mark in this scene, but everyone is fine.
Maybe it's just strong wind.
Jesus, Zooey, who's uses huge words and sentences in moments like this?
How many bullets are in this gun?
DID EVERYONE IN THIS MOVIE SHOP AT JCREW!!?!?!?
Youknow that black guy's gonna eat it...
Or that fat bitch...
Almost a Zooey upskirt shot...dare to dream
STOP SAYING HAPPENING!!!
Didn't you just have a map!?!?! Why do you need another?!?!
Clear Hill Community Development Company? See because hills are clear and that foreshadows something I don't know.
Figures the guy had talk radio on. Republicans would probabyl blame the gheys.
Time to run towards the creepy house.
Clear Hill made that map too, so that obviously means something
Wind in the room!?!?!?
He's talking to a plant now...this is really a movie, folks...seriously, this happened. GODDAMNIT NOW I DID IT!!!
Fake stuff in houses? Must be a Bluth model home.
There's that stupid Marky Mark voice when talking to a kid...
The infamous lawnmower kill scene...still stupid
$300,000 for a house in bumfuck, PA?
the fat black kid is Mark's Oprah.
Wind!
Im pretty sure the talking like a retard thing is a MNIGHT trope.
This is probably the dumbest scene I've ever seen in a movie.
More creppy houses.
The swing on the tree pisses off trees.
Maple tree.
Mnight is racist because he's showing the skill of the black kid staring into the window...
He actually said, "You aint from around here..."
I think the black kid got killed by a musket...seriously.
COMMERCIAL BREAK TIME TO SHIT AND PEE
Hey, what happened to Cameron? Seriously?
This is MNIGHT's version of American Gothic.
Gas masks!!! FINALLY!! Seriously, why does no one have these?!?!?
So, you don't know what this shit is, doctor man, but you know qhat time itll be over though
NEBRASKAN GUN NUTS...BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY, RIGHT?!?!
Those dots on the map look like dippin dots that close up.
Creepy house number 3 if youre scoring at home
You didn't notice the creepy woman, Mark?
Open your goddamned mouth, Mark.
Random creepy women are in the business of making food for strangers?
Zooey says the first words to this woman, three hours later.
Creepy woman just laid out the ending of the movie here...
So, first the fat black kid does it, and now the creepy old woman is a marriage counselor?
MISSES JONES AND ME!!!!
Damn, that was a powerful slap!! OUT OF NOWHERE!! LIKE THE WIND!!
Mrs. Jones is mean.
And now she's letting them spend the night? WHO DOES THIS!?!?
AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW SOMETHING WAS HAPPENING? TO HER THESE PEOPLE WERE JUST STRANGERS WALKING AROUND!!!
"Exorcist-y"
What the fuck is wrong with this woman? She thinks they're going to kill her in her sleep, but she'll let them spend the night?
WHO WROTE THIS SHIT?!? TDUBBS??
More JCREW CLOTHES!!!
Randomly going into creepy woman's room is the smart thing to do...
CREEPY DOLLS = HORROR BECAUE OBVIOUSLY!!
What the fuck is happening? Now I know Crabs wrote this shit. AND I SAID IT AGAIN!!
She's infected or old or whatever, Mark.
Creepy woman kills herself by repeatedly banging her head on things...
WIND IN THE HOUSE!!!
Mark smokes the chronic...
SLAVE TUBE!!!
Time to go into the creepy basement.
Playing with frogs...
Nice shot of Zooey's ass there...a little something for the guys.
Wait is her name Alma?
THIS IS THE WORST ACTING EVER!!!
DISMEMBERED VOICES MEANS DRAMA!!!
Now we explain the mood ring...finally.
Purple means horny obviously and blue means peaceful and love is a forgotten color...dumbest poem ever.
Mark's going outside into the wind...
DIE DIE DIE DIE
THE THE THE THE
Watch it be you gotta have some positive mental attitude shit and it makes you immune or something...
Does anyone remember that old lady dying?
Three months later...
Zooey should never be a mom...
I thought everyone in Philadelphia died? What the fuck is happening in this movie? GODDAMNIT I DID IT AGAIN!!!
Wouldnt house prices be cheap as shit what with everyone dead and everything...
The "Department of Botanical Toxicology?" At the University of Chicago? REALLY? THAT SPECIFIC OF A FIELD DEMANDS ITS OWN DEPARTMENT?!?!?
FUCK THIS MOVIE!!
Who has random eggs on a table like that?
The doctor just repeated the retard kid's line in the first scenes...
It was a warning!! In the Northeast...and no one believes doctor goofenfuck.
Zooey's preggers.
REMEMBER WHEN ALAN RUCK WAS IN THIS MOVIE?!?!?
Meanwhile, in France...
The wind moved to Europe we get it...
It's the least gay day in Europe.
Yeah it moved to Europe...we get it...
Seriously we get it...
Enough I get it already...
Stop spelling it out for me!!
Actually, I'd have no problem with this...
AND CREDITS!!
FUCK THE HAPPENING FUCK THIS MOVIE FUCK MOVIES!!
Well, this is quite the event.
Quote from: Fork on September 14, 2013, 11:46:04 PM
Well, this is quite the event.
WHY CAN'T ANYONE GIVE ME A SECOND (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzgdOzfMVwo)