Desipio Message Board

As pointed out by Apex... the one, the only...  BO PORTER ladeezangennlemen!!

Oh, and yay for the return of the Stool update.

All we need now is some pictures of Pepe at the World Cup (I assume he IS covering it) and I'll be in Desipiheaven.

And some more :

Casting Churchill's reflection v. A political impression involving a porcelain bowl with water in the bottom, your arse and a bum cigar.

Coilus Interruptus n. Cath. Lat. Method employed by God to prevent the birth of Meatloaf's daughter whereby the Jehovah's Witnesses ring the doorbell just as you are laying the foundations of a log cabin.

Draw an Ace v. On wiping one's arse thoroughly, to eventually have an unsoiled piece of paper which indicates the wiping is over.

Drop the Kids off at the Pool v.  "I can't even think about breakfast until I've had a cigarette and dropped the kids off at the pool."  Depending on what was eaten the night before, the kids may be noisy, unruly and possibly even Mexican.

Food's Ghost n. An invisible, eerie presence, accompanied by a low humming sound and the stench of death.

Ghost Shit n. A stool or dump of which there is no trace when you stand up and turn round to admire it.

Gronk n. R.A.F. To have a shit. "'Bandits at three O'clock,' ejaculated Algie. 'Great!' replied Biggles. 'I've got half an hour to have a big smelly gronk!'" (from 'Biggles Drops his Fudge' by Capt. W.E. Johns).

Turtle's Head n. The initial protrusion of a stool though the chocolate starfish; the point at which contracts are exchanged for the building of a log cabin.

Turtle's Breath n. The very final warning fart before the turtle pokes its head out to autograph the gusset.

Touching Cloth n. The stage immediately after turtles head when the stool establishes contact with the undergarments. As in: "Is there a toilet anywhere round here mate? I'm touching cloth".  Also known as "The first two inches are cold."

Mr. Brown is at The Window euph. To have the turtle's head. First used by Queen Victoria. "Pray forgive us, Mr. Gladstone, but we cannot receive you at the moment. Mr. Brown is at the window, and we fear we may papper our trollies."

Manjack n.  A jobbie of such prodigious length and firmness that once it's reached bottom it starts to lift the perpetrator off his seat.

Pap Baffle n. The scrunched up piece of bog roll placed in the pan which makes the person in the next cubicle genuinely believe that your shit doesn't make a 'plop' when it hits the water.

What?  Did someone say "poo"?  Ah, now we're talking!  We Brits are obsessed with poo, as evidenced by this lot - fetched off the intermernet in a matter of moments.  If you boys haven't yet discovered the delights of "Roger's Profanisaurus", you should go and buy yourselves a copy.

Pace Car n. Of paying a sit down visit. The slow, unaerodynamic leading turd that once out of the way, allows the fast, souped-up bastards behind it to put their foot down.

Air Biscuit n. Fart; botty burp. As in "Has somebody launched an air biscuit?"

Air Buffet n. A lingering gaseous meal, more substantial than an air biscuit, to which one may make several visits.

Badger Loose euph. An R.A.F. issue air biscuit. "'I say, Ginger' cautioned Biggles. 'I think number two engine is on fire.' 'No, that's me,' confessed Algie. 'I've just let a badger loose.'" (from 'Biggles Folllows Through' by Capt. W.E. Johns).

Bomb Bay Mix n. A single lavatorial sitting that produces a pot-pourri of stool consistency from copper bolts to a rusty water geyser and all points in between. Shitterish allsorts, variety cack.

Dead Otter n. A single stool of immense proportions.

Dreadnought n. Even bigger than a dead otter.

Bottom log n. A scuttled dreadnought that hits the sea bed whilst still exiting the windward passage.

Build a Log Cabin euph. To pass an enormous, solid stool. As in: 'I wouldn't go in there mate.  Someone's just built a log cabin"

Bunker Buster n. 1. An exceedingly large turd that feels like it, if dropped from a great height, could break through 20 metres of re-inforced concrete. 2. American bomb used to root out turds.

Cable Laying euph. To excrete solid stools. As opposed to crop spraying.

Quote from: The Paul Popovich Experience on June 20, 2006, 01:25:20 AM
Surely, someone has mentioned Steve Dillard.

As unlikely as it seems, no.

Nor have they mentioned Jose F. Nieves, which I find staggering.  How quickly we forget.

Here's a transcript for those of you (like me) who can't watch video at work.

http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2006/4/30/1441/59811

Quote from: Dan the Fan on May 27, 2006, 04:52:33 AM
http://youtube.com/watch?v=35R_67ow26I&search=greg%20maddux

pat and ron in rare form.

Ron Santos?  Is that Ronnie's latin cousin?

Quote from: berserker on March 28, 2006, 04:20:39 PM
Oh, and you've got Paul Weller...I'll give you that one.

Ah, the Modfather.  He's indisputably the World's coolest man - cooler than the other side of my pillow.  He appeared at the Brit Awards the other day, wearing a four-button navy blue pinstripe suit.  He was looking SHARP, and left everyone else feeling a little shabby, I would imagine.

I went to see him live in Munich a couple of years ago (with Ocean Colour Scene as his "backing" band), and there were only about 200 of us there.  Bloody marvellous.

Quote from: JD on March 28, 2006, 04:09:23 PM
Put another shrimp on the barbie is what I say

Bonzer.

Quote from: berserker on March 27, 2006, 04:35:09 PM
Hey,,,we fought the American Revolution so we could speak American instead of English. Well, that and English food (Sorry Tonker- if you like eels, that's cool I guess)

Don't knock it if you haven't tried it, Fork.  There's nothing like a nice plate of jellied eels to go with your warm beer.  David Beckham gets them flown (or possibly, swum?) to him in Madrid, and a man of his obvious taste should know.

Besides, everybody knows that all Americans, deep down inside, would love to be British.  Come on, 'fess up - you know you love it.

I was determined not to like this, but despite myself I have now... erm... "borrowed" every episode right up-to-date.  It's different from the UK version, and perhaps not quite as challenging but it is much more likeable.  Michael Scott is not just quite so much of an arsehole as David Brent; Dwight is an utter tool but has moments where you're far more sympathetic to him than you ever are to Gareth;  Jim is a lot more in control and heroic as a person than Tim, who's actually a bit of a loser; and so on.

Despite all that, it's very watchable and there are moments of real quality in there.  I do miss the truly horrible scenes of the original, sometimes - there were episodes which were so embarrassing that I had to have my arse cheeks surgically unclenched after watching - but I'm enjoying it very much.  Good work Yank fellas!!  Now alll they have to do is work out when to pull the plug...

I don't know whether this will ultimately make any difference, but they've just started showing it here in Holland, and I know the BBC has been running it (to very good reviews) for some time back home.  I'd have thought that Fox must factor in their international sales when deciding to re-commission something or not, surely?

Right, you're on.  I'll swap you.

Quote from: Mike D. on September 15, 2005, 09:44:27 AM

How long do you suppose he'll be batting his hottest hiiter seventh?

I dunno.   When does Murton turn thirty?

Quote from: BleedingCubbieBlue on July 28, 2005, 12:13:28 PM
Mark your calendars, people. October 11. I'm psyched.

http://tvshowsondvd.com/newsitem.cfm?NewsID=3771

I haven't checked the link, but I'm guessing there's a new series of the Gilmore Girls, or Dawson's Creek?