If this face-eating chimp isn't 2009's story of the year, I'll eat Tdubbs' hat.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html (http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html)
QuoteNash had just arrived at Herold's house when Travis jumped on her and began biting and mauling her, causing serious injuries to her face, neck and hands, according to Stamford Police Capt. Rich Conklin. Conklin said the attack was unprovoked, but he described it as "brutal and lengthy."
QuoteThe chimp, who was known to walk around town, sometimes without a leash, also liked to surf on the Internet and was able to change the TV channel with a remote, according to a Stamford Advocate article. The paper also reported that Travis watered plants, was able to feed hay to his owner's horses, ate at a table with the rest of the family and sometimes drank wine from a stemmed glass.
I think I'm most anxious to find out how this story fits in with Yeti's theory of evolution.
The Chimp Ate Her Hands Off is the next great band name.
Quote from: RV on February 18, 2009, 09:36:08 AM
If this face-eating chimp isn't 2009's story of the year, I'll eat Tdubbs' hat.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html (http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html)
QuoteNash had just arrived at Herold's house when Travis jumped on her and began biting and mauling her, causing serious injuries to her face, neck and hands, according to Stamford Police Capt. Rich Conklin. Conklin said the attack was unprovoked, but he described it as "brutal and lengthy."
QuoteThe chimp, who was known to walk around town, sometimes without a leash, also liked to surf on the Internet and was able to change the TV channel with a remote, according to a Stamford Advocate article. The paper also reported that Travis watered plants, was able to feed hay to his owner's horses, ate at a table with the rest of the family and sometimes drank wine from a stemmed glass.
I think I'm most anxious to find out how this story fits in with Yeti's theory of evolution.
Sounds like some kind of hippy fruitcake...
Quote from: RV on February 18, 2009, 09:36:08 AM
If this face-eating chimp isn't 2009's story of the year, I'll eat Tdubbs' hat upside down BudVisor.
Better bring a sharp knife'd
DPD: My morning alarm is a clock/radio. Today, I awoke to the sounds of a Brit accent screaming that a chimp had killed someone's friend, a 911 operator asking the person what the hell was going on, and a chimp screaming its brains off in the background. Surreal. I love the local radio stations.
RV... How did you decide which paragraphs to quote?
Because almost every single sentence in this story is gold...
QuoteTravis' body was removed from the home and taken to two locations: His head was taken to the state lab for a rabies test and the body was taken to the University of Connecticut for an animal autopsy. Conklin said this is standard procedure.
Quote from: Tank on February 18, 2009, 09:45:44 AM
RV... How did you decide which paragraphs to quote?
Because almost every single sentence in this story is gold...
QuoteTravis' body was removed from the home and taken to two locations: His head was taken to the state lab for a rabies test and the body was taken to the University of Connecticut for an animal autopsy. Conklin said this is standard procedure.
It was a tough decision. Almost as tough as choosing which new haircut you want: the perm that will invoke memories of Sigourney Weaver's 80s-era beauty, or the bowl cut that will provoke a chimp to eat your face off.
Quote from: RV on February 18, 2009, 09:36:08 AM
If this face-eating chimp isn't 2009's story of the year, I'll eat Tdubbs' hat.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html (http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html)
QuoteNash had just arrived at Herold's house when Travis jumped on her and began biting and mauling her, causing serious injuries to her face, neck and hands, according to Stamford Police Capt. Rich Conklin. Conklin said the attack was unprovoked, but he described it as "brutal and lengthy."
QuoteThe chimp, who was known to walk around town, sometimes without a leash, also liked to surf on the Internet and was able to change the TV channel with a remote, according to a Stamford Advocate article. The paper also reported that Travis watered plants, was able to feed hay to his owner's horses, ate at a table with the rest of the family and sometimes drank wine from a stemmed glass.
I think I'm most anxious to find out how this story fits in with Yeti's theory of evolution.
I want to say a joke about how this sounds like my latest masturbatory adventure, but I can't quite find the words. Dammit. Post, wasted.
Fucking. Awesome.
QuoteConklin said Nash had recently gotten a haircut that changed her appearance significantly. Conklin said the chimp had been acting "rambunctious" earlier, prompting Herold to put Xanax in a cup of tea for him to drink. He did not know if the animal had been prescribed the medicine or if Herold had ever given her pet such a mixture before.
Quote from: TDubbs on February 18, 2009, 09:52:15 AM
Quote from: RV on February 18, 2009, 09:36:08 AM
If this face-eating chimp isn't 2009's story of the year, I'll eat Tdubbs' hat.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html (http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html)
QuoteNash had just arrived at Herold's house when Travis jumped on her and began biting and mauling her, causing serious injuries to her face, neck and hands, according to Stamford Police Capt. Rich Conklin. Conklin said the attack was unprovoked, but he described it as "brutal and lengthy."
QuoteThe chimp, who was known to walk around town, sometimes without a leash, also liked to surf on the Internet and was able to change the TV channel with a remote, according to a Stamford Advocate article. The paper also reported that Travis watered plants, was able to feed hay to his owner's horses, ate at a table with the rest of the family and sometimes drank wine from a stemmed glass.
I think I'm most anxious to find out how this story fits in with Yeti's theory of evolution.
I want to say a joke about how this sounds like my latest masturbatory adventure, but I can't quite find the words. Dammit. Post, wasted.
Thanks for the input, IAN.
Also:
QuoteHerold had called Nash to her house to help get 14-year-old Travis back inside after he used a key to escape.
Is it almost time for baseball to start again?
So this story pretty much proves Yeti's argument against evolution, right?
Quote from: RV on February 18, 2009, 09:36:08 AM
If this face-eating chimp isn't 2009's story of the year, I'll eat Tdubbs' hat.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html (http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html)
QuoteNash had just arrived at Herold's house when Travis jumped on her and began biting and mauling her, causing serious injuries to her face, neck and hands, according to Stamford Police Capt. Rich Conklin. Conklin said the attack was unprovoked, but he described it as "brutal and lengthy."
QuoteThe chimp, who was known to walk around town, sometimes without a leash, also liked to surf on the Internet and was able to change the TV channel with a remote, according to a Stamford Advocate article. The paper also reported that Travis watered plants, was able to feed hay to his owner's horses, ate at a table with the rest of the family and sometimes drank wine from a stemmed glass.
I think I'm most anxious to find out how this story fits in with Yeti's theory of evolution.
Umm.... The Creation Machine churned and it produced some numbers and a comment. It said "42" and "Did this
story truly happen or was it made up by those wacky Evolutionists.
Quote from: butthead on February 18, 2009, 10:08:23 AM
So this story pretty much proves Yeti's argument against evolution, right?
Yes
Quote from: CBStew on February 18, 2009, 09:59:06 AM
Is it almost time for baseball to start again?
It damn well better be. Monkey stories can only take us so far, you know.
I was also going to make a joke about Furious George, but I figured I'd leave it to Tank.
Quote from: Gil Gunderson on February 18, 2009, 10:10:46 AM
Quote from: CBStew on February 18, 2009, 09:59:06 AM
Is it almost time for baseball to start again?
It damn well better be. Monkey stories can only take us so far, you know.
I was also going to make a joke about Furious George, but I figured I'd leave it to Tank.
(http://i39.tinypic.com/prfnt.jpg)
Gil, this monkey's going to need most of your skin.
It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times.
Quote from: Tank on February 18, 2009, 10:18:45 AM
Quote from: Gil Gunderson on February 18, 2009, 10:10:46 AM
Quote from: CBStew on February 18, 2009, 09:59:06 AM
Is it almost time for baseball to start again?
It damn well better be. Monkey stories can only take us so far, you know.
I was also going to make a joke about Furious George, but I figured I'd leave it to Tank.
(http://i39.tinypic.com/prfnt.jpg)
Gil, this monkey's going to need most of your skin.
Never going to international waters again. Damn good-for-nothing Coast Guard.
(http://www.geocities.com/amberrollins/Mansion_Net.jpg)
Quote from: butthead on February 18, 2009, 10:08:23 AM
So this story pretty much proves Yeti's argument against evolution, right?
As long as we leave out the fact that the chimp was shot dead, then yes.
(http://i40.tinypic.com/32zv0va.jpg)
Quote from: Waco Kid on February 18, 2009, 10:22:52 AM
Quote from: butthead on February 18, 2009, 10:08:23 AM
So this story pretty much proves Yeti's argument against evolution, right?
As long as we leave out the fact that the chimp was shot dead, then yes.
Quote from: Tank on February 18, 2009, 10:20:40 AM
Quote from: IrishYeti on February 18, 2009, 10:10:10 AM
Quote from: butthead on February 18, 2009, 10:08:23 AM
So this story pretty much proves Yeti's argument against evolution, right?
Yes
He survived?
Good. I was worried I was going to have to start going to church again.
Quote from: Tank on February 18, 2009, 10:22:58 AM
(http://i40.tinypic.com/32zv0va.jpg)
Oh, I'm not handicapped! I'm just lazy!
Quote from: Tank on February 18, 2009, 10:18:45 AM
Quote from: Gil Gunderson on February 18, 2009, 10:10:46 AM
Quote from: CBStew on February 18, 2009, 09:59:06 AM
Is it almost time for baseball to start again?
It damn well better be. Monkey stories can only take us so far, you know.
I was also going to make a joke about Furious George, but I figured I'd leave it to Tank.
(http://i39.tinypic.com/prfnt.jpg)
Gil, this monkey's going to need most of your skin.
Yeah, he ain't pretty no more.
Quote from: RV on February 18, 2009, 09:36:08 AM
If this face-eating chimp isn't 2009's story of the year, I'll eat Tdubbs' hat.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html (http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html)
QuoteNash had just arrived at Herold's house when Travis jumped on her and began biting and mauling her, causing serious injuries to her face, neck and hands, according to Stamford Police Capt. Rich Conklin. Conklin said the attack was unprovoked, but he described it as "brutal and lengthy."
QuoteThe chimp, who was known to walk around town, sometimes without a leash, also liked to surf on the Internet and was able to change the TV channel with a remote, according to a Stamford Advocate article. The paper also reported that Travis watered plants, was able to feed hay to his owner's horses, ate at a table with the rest of the family and sometimes drank wine from a stemmed glass.
I think I'm most anxious to find out how this story fits in with Yeti's theory of evolution.
Man that Tony Larussa has a temper.
You'd never have that happen if we all had robots for pets. 1st rule and all that.
Quote from: Andre Dawson's Creek on February 18, 2009, 03:00:58 PM
Quote from: RV on February 18, 2009, 09:36:08 AM
If this face-eating chimp isn't 2009's story of the year, I'll eat Tdubbs' hat.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html (http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html)
QuoteNash had just arrived at Herold's house when Travis jumped on her and began biting and mauling her, causing serious injuries to her face, neck and hands, according to Stamford Police Capt. Rich Conklin. Conklin said the attack was unprovoked, but he described it as "brutal and lengthy."
QuoteThe chimp, who was known to walk around town, sometimes without a leash, also liked to surf on the Internet and was able to change the TV channel with a remote, according to a Stamford Advocate article. The paper also reported that Travis watered plants, was able to feed hay to his owner's horses, ate at a table with the rest of the family and sometimes drank wine from a stemmed glass.
I think I'm most anxious to find out how this story fits in with Yeti's theory of evolution.
Man that Tony Larussa has a temper.
You'd never have that happen if we all had robots for pets. 1st rule and all that.
(http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:G9UIA5a2vGY4BM:http://img518.imageshack.)
Robots and senior citizens don't mix very well either.
Quote from: Waco Kid on February 18, 2009, 03:08:49 PM
Quote from: Andre Dawson's Creek on February 18, 2009, 03:00:58 PM
Quote from: RV on February 18, 2009, 09:36:08 AM
If this face-eating chimp isn't 2009's story of the year, I'll eat Tdubbs' hat.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html (http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html)
QuoteNash had just arrived at Herold's house when Travis jumped on her and began biting and mauling her, causing serious injuries to her face, neck and hands, according to Stamford Police Capt. Rich Conklin. Conklin said the attack was unprovoked, but he described it as "brutal and lengthy."
QuoteThe chimp, who was known to walk around town, sometimes without a leash, also liked to surf on the Internet and was able to change the TV channel with a remote, according to a Stamford Advocate article. The paper also reported that Travis watered plants, was able to feed hay to his owner's horses, ate at a table with the rest of the family and sometimes drank wine from a stemmed glass.
I think I'm most anxious to find out how this story fits in with Yeti's theory of evolution.
Man that Tony Larussa has a temper.
You'd never have that happen if we all had robots for pets. 1st rule and all that.
(http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:G9UIA5a2vGY4BM:http://img518.imageshack.)
Robots and senior citizens don't mix very well either.
Old Glory Insurance, for when the robots come...and they will.
Quote from: Gil Gunderson on February 18, 2009, 03:09:26 PM
Quote from: Waco Kid on February 18, 2009, 03:08:49 PM
Quote from: Andre Dawson's Creek on February 18, 2009, 03:00:58 PM
Quote from: RV on February 18, 2009, 09:36:08 AM
If this face-eating chimp isn't 2009's story of the year, I'll eat Tdubbs' hat.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html (http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html)
QuoteNash had just arrived at Herold's house when Travis jumped on her and began biting and mauling her, causing serious injuries to her face, neck and hands, according to Stamford Police Capt. Rich Conklin. Conklin said the attack was unprovoked, but he described it as "brutal and lengthy."
QuoteThe chimp, who was known to walk around town, sometimes without a leash, also liked to surf on the Internet and was able to change the TV channel with a remote, according to a Stamford Advocate article. The paper also reported that Travis watered plants, was able to feed hay to his owner's horses, ate at a table with the rest of the family and sometimes drank wine from a stemmed glass.
I think I'm most anxious to find out how this story fits in with Yeti's theory of evolution.
Man that Tony Larussa has a temper.
You'd never have that happen if we all had robots for pets. 1st rule and all that.
(http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:G9UIA5a2vGY4BM:http://img518.imageshack.)
Robots and senior citizens don't mix very well either.
Old Glory Insurance, for when the robots come...and they will.
I don't even know why the scientists make them.Classic.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/2340/saturday-night-live-old-glory
An insurance policy with a robot plan? Certainly, I'm too old.
Quote from: Tank on February 18, 2009, 03:18:46 PM
Quote from: Gil Gunderson on February 18, 2009, 03:09:26 PM
Quote from: Waco Kid on February 18, 2009, 03:08:49 PM
Quote from: Andre Dawson's Creek on February 18, 2009, 03:00:58 PM
Quote from: RV on February 18, 2009, 09:36:08 AM
If this face-eating chimp isn't 2009's story of the year, I'll eat Tdubbs' hat.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html (http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html)
QuoteNash had just arrived at Herold's house when Travis jumped on her and began biting and mauling her, causing serious injuries to her face, neck and hands, according to Stamford Police Capt. Rich Conklin. Conklin said the attack was unprovoked, but he described it as "brutal and lengthy."
QuoteThe chimp, who was known to walk around town, sometimes without a leash, also liked to surf on the Internet and was able to change the TV channel with a remote, according to a Stamford Advocate article. The paper also reported that Travis watered plants, was able to feed hay to his owner's horses, ate at a table with the rest of the family and sometimes drank wine from a stemmed glass.
I think I'm most anxious to find out how this story fits in with Yeti's theory of evolution.
Man that Tony Larussa has a temper.
You'd never have that happen if we all had robots for pets. 1st rule and all that.
(http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:G9UIA5a2vGY4BM:http://img518.imageshack.)
Robots and senior citizens don't mix very well either.
Old Glory Insurance, for when the robots come...and they will.
I don't even know why the scientists make them.
Classic.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/2340/saturday-night-live-old-glory
An insurance policy with a robot plan? Certainly, I'm too old.
I love how you can see Waterston start to laugh towards the end, but somehow manages to keep it in.
Quote from: Slakee on February 18, 2009, 10:19:17 AM
It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times.
You stupid monkey!
Quote from: Gil Gunderson on February 18, 2009, 08:41:02 PM
Quote from: Tank on February 18, 2009, 03:18:46 PM
Quote from: Gil Gunderson on February 18, 2009, 03:09:26 PM
Quote from: Waco Kid on February 18, 2009, 03:08:49 PM
Quote from: Andre Dawson's Creek on February 18, 2009, 03:00:58 PM
Quote from: RV on February 18, 2009, 09:36:08 AM
If this face-eating chimp isn't 2009's story of the year, I'll eat Tdubbs' hat.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html (http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html)
QuoteNash had just arrived at Herold's house when Travis jumped on her and began biting and mauling her, causing serious injuries to her face, neck and hands, according to Stamford Police Capt. Rich Conklin. Conklin said the attack was unprovoked, but he described it as "brutal and lengthy."
QuoteThe chimp, who was known to walk around town, sometimes without a leash, also liked to surf on the Internet and was able to change the TV channel with a remote, according to a Stamford Advocate article. The paper also reported that Travis watered plants, was able to feed hay to his owner's horses, ate at a table with the rest of the family and sometimes drank wine from a stemmed glass.
I think I'm most anxious to find out how this story fits in with Yeti's theory of evolution.
Man that Tony Larussa has a temper.
You'd never have that happen if we all had robots for pets. 1st rule and all that.
(http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:G9UIA5a2vGY4BM:http://img518.imageshack.)
Robots and senior citizens don't mix very well either.
Old Glory Insurance, for when the robots come...and they will.
I don't even know why the scientists make them.
Classic.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/2340/saturday-night-live-old-glory
An insurance policy with a robot plan? Certainly, I'm too old.
I love how you can see Waterston start to laugh towards the end, but somehow manages to keep it in.
Has that dude ever not been old?
Quote from: Andre Dawson's Creek on February 19, 2009, 06:34:30 PM
Quote from: Gil Gunderson on February 18, 2009, 08:41:02 PM
Quote from: Tank on February 18, 2009, 03:18:46 PM
Quote from: Gil Gunderson on February 18, 2009, 03:09:26 PM
Quote from: Waco Kid on February 18, 2009, 03:08:49 PM
Quote from: Andre Dawson's Creek on February 18, 2009, 03:00:58 PM
Quote from: RV on February 18, 2009, 09:36:08 AM
If this face-eating chimp isn't 2009's story of the year, I'll eat Tdubbs' hat.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html (http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html)
QuoteNash had just arrived at Herold's house when Travis jumped on her and began biting and mauling her, causing serious injuries to her face, neck and hands, according to Stamford Police Capt. Rich Conklin. Conklin said the attack was unprovoked, but he described it as "brutal and lengthy."
QuoteThe chimp, who was known to walk around town, sometimes without a leash, also liked to surf on the Internet and was able to change the TV channel with a remote, according to a Stamford Advocate article. The paper also reported that Travis watered plants, was able to feed hay to his owner's horses, ate at a table with the rest of the family and sometimes drank wine from a stemmed glass.
I think I'm most anxious to find out how this story fits in with Yeti's theory of evolution.
Man that Tony Larussa has a temper.
You'd never have that happen if we all had robots for pets. 1st rule and all that.
(http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:G9UIA5a2vGY4BM:http://img518.imageshack.)
Robots and senior citizens don't mix very well either.
Old Glory Insurance, for when the robots come...and they will.
I don't even know why the scientists make them.
Classic.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/2340/saturday-night-live-old-glory
An insurance policy with a robot plan? Certainly, I'm too old.
I love how you can see Waterston start to laugh towards the end, but somehow manages to keep it in.
Has that dude ever not been old?
Dude, give some respect for the man who brokered the Pax Cybertronia (http://www.brandonbird.com/pax_cybertronia.html).
The sordid details (http://www.kansascity.com/news/nation/story/1044045.html) of this BC-esque romance continue to trickle out.
QuoteThey took baths together and cuddled in the bed they shared. Travis brushed Sandra Herold's hair each night and pined for her when she was away.
QuotePolice say they have no record of complaints, aside from a 2003 incident in which Travis escaped from a vehicle and led police on a two-hour downtown chase before he was caught.
Quote from: RV on February 20, 2009, 08:36:46 AM
The sordid details (http://www.kansascity.com/news/nation/story/1044045.html) of this BC-esque romance continue to trickle out.
QuoteThey took baths together and cuddled in the bed they shared. Travis brushed Sandra Herold's hair each night and pined for her when she was away. One time, Travis accidentally grazed her ass, and then fled the room in shame.
QuotePolice say they have no record of complaints, aside from a 2003 incident in which Travis escaped from a vehicle and led police on a two-hour downtown chase before he was caught.
Really BC'd
Quote from: PenFoe on February 20, 2009, 10:34:45 AM
Quote from: RV on February 20, 2009, 08:36:46 AM
The sordid details (http://www.kansascity.com/news/nation/story/1044045.html) of this BC-esque romance continue to trickle out.
QuoteThey took baths together and cuddled in the bed they shared. Travis brushed Sandra Herold's hair each night and pined for her when she was away. One time, Travis accidentally grazed her ass, and then fled the room in shame.
QuotePolice say they have no record of complaints, aside from a 2003 incident in which Travis escaped from a vehicle and led police on a two-hour downtown chase before he was caught.
Really BC'd
Now that Travis is dead, this moves BC up the list of candidates for the WGN job.
Quote from: RV on February 20, 2009, 08:36:46 AM
QuotePolice say they have no record of complaints, aside from a 2003 incident in which Travis escaped from a vehicle and led police on a two-hour downtown chase before he was caught.
I'm dying here.
It keeps getting better. (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090218/ap_en_ot/ny_post_cartoon)
Quote from: Fork on February 23, 2009, 09:23:02 AM
It keeps getting better. (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090218/ap_en_ot/ny_post_cartoon)
What do yo uthink the world fucking
stops when you're on vacation? (http://www.desipio.com/messageboard/index.php?topic=6402.msg168588#msg168588)
Quote from: MAD on February 24, 2009, 02:34:47 PM
Quote from: Fork on February 23, 2009, 09:23:02 AM
It keeps getting better. (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090218/ap_en_ot/ny_post_cartoon)
What do yo uthink the world fucking stops when you're on vacation? (http://www.desipio.com/messageboard/index.php?topic=6402.msg168588#msg168588)
Forgiv emefo rmissin goned amnthread.
Oh, shit...
http://www.motherjones.com/blue-marble/2009/03/chimps-are-weaponizing
QuoteSeriously, folks, get your shotguns. Chimpanzees, which are like humans but way more willing to rip out your throat, reportedly have the ability to create and stockpile weapons. It's only a matter of time until Dr. Zaius rules us all.
And there I worried that humanity's demise would come at the hands of self-aware cyborg armies.
Apparently we should have listened to Charlton Heston and Irish Yeti.
Full story here...
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/03/09/AR2009030901458.html
QuoteSantino evidently knows he's going to get upset, so he plans ahead.
The 30-year-old chimpanzee, who has lived in a Swedish zoo most of his life, sometimes gets agitated when zoo visitors begin to gather on the other side of the moat that surrounds his enclosure, where he is the dominant -- and only -- male in a group that includes half a dozen females.
He shows his displeasure by flinging stones or bits of concrete at the human intruders, but finding a suitable weapon on the spur of the moment perhaps isn't so easy. To prepare, Santino often begins his day by roaming the enclosure, finding stones and stacking them in handy piles.
On some days, he's barraged visitors with up to 20 projectiles thrown in rapid succession, always underhand. Several times he has hit spectators standing 30 feet away across the water-filled moat.
...
The animal's preparations include not only stockpiling the stones he finds but also, more recently, also fashioning projectiles from pieces of concrete he has broken off artificial rocks in his habitat.
...
On some days, zookeepers have found as many as five caches, containing three to eight stones each, along the shore facing the viewing area. Once, a hidden observer saw him gather stones five mornings in a row before the zoo opened.
Most of the stones are taken from the shallows at the edge of the moat. About a year after his storing and throwing began, however, Santino began tapping stones against the concrete artificial rocks, evidently listening for a hollow sound that indicates a fissure. He would then hit the concrete harder until a piece chipped off, occasionally then hitting it again to make it fist-size.
In other news, scientists remain mystified at the origin and purpose of a large black monolith that recently appeared near the Baltic coast of Sweden.
I hate every ape I see, from chipan-A to chimpan-Z
Quote from: Waco Kid on March 11, 2009, 12:23:40 PM
I hate every ape I see, from chipan-A to chimpan-Z
Yes, you've finally made a monkey...OUT OF MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love you, Dr. Zaius.
Travis had bitch tits...
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29735924/?GT1=43001
(http://i42.tinypic.com/mh3kua.jpg)
What an uggo.
Also:
QuoteNash, 55, lost her hands, nose, lips and eyelids in the 12-minute mauling. Many bones in her face were crushed, and the attack may also have left her blind and brain damaged. She is in critical condition at the Cleveland Clinic, which in December performed the first face transplant in the United States. Doctors haven't said if Nash will be a candidate for such a procedure.
Another of Nash's attorneys said she can respond to some verbal commands, but the extent of possible brain damage is still unknown. "Going forward, there's going to be astronomical expenses associated with the procedures she's going to require," attorney William Monaco said.
By state law, Nash's lawsuit seeks only an amount greater than $15,000. But Nash's attorneys are also seeking an account of Herold's assets — including six pieces of property she owns and her stake in a Stamford used car dealership — in hopes of securing $50 million for possible damages, according to court papers. Attorneys say it's unknown if Herold has that much in assets.
...
April Truitt, who runs the Primate Rescue Center in Kentucky, has said she warned Herold of the dangers of keeping the animal in her home. She said she pleaded with Herold to consider placing the chimp in a sanctuary, but Herold was not interested, saying: "You don't know my Travis."
When he was younger, Travis starred in TV commercials for Old Navy and Coca-Cola, made an appearance on the "Maury Povich Show" and took part in a television pilot.
YOU DON'T KNOW MY TRAVIS AT ALL! [stompstompstompstompstomp] [slam]
If you thought the Travis attack was awful...this is just disgusting (http://www.esquire.com/features/chimpanzee-attack-0409). The lesson: stay the fuck away from chimps.
QuoteThe animal barreled into LaDonna's back, knocking her into St. James. She wrapped her arms around her husband's neck, but the chimpanzee locked his jaws around the thumb of her left hand. With a single, ferocious jerk of his neck, he tore it off.
QuoteAs St. James confronted the chimp, the six-two former running back turned to find a second chimp — also a male, this one older and bigger — bearing down on him as well. With both hands, he pushed the bigger animal. Both chimps pounced. One of the animals grabbed him in a bear hug before chomping into the bone above his right eyebrow. He then stuck his finger in St. James's right eye, gouging it out. The same animal clamped his teeth onto St. James's nose, biting it off, as the other chimp chewed away at St. James's fingers. In the melee, one of the chimps dug in his claws and ripped the skin off the right side of St. James's face, causing it to flop over and cover his left eye, temporarily blinding him. One of the primates sunk his teeth into St. James's skull. He then closed his jaws on St. James's mouth, ripping off his lips and most of his teeth. St. James tried to put one of his hands down the animal's throat, but the chimp just kept chewing on it and chewing on it, and he couldn't get it out.
QuoteSt. James fell to the ground, no longer able to defend himself, and for at least five minutes, the mauling continued as he lay helpless. One of the chimps gnawed on his buttocks and bit off his genitals.
QuoteDespite the ferocity of the attack, when the paramedics arrived, St. James was still conscious. His face and body, however, were mutilated beyond recognition. Where his mouth, lips, and nose had been there was only a bloody hole. Where his right eye had been there was a pit. Where his fingers had been he had only stumps or simply gaps. "I had no idea a chimpanzee was capable of doing that to a human," Kern County fire captain Curt Merrell, who was among the first on the scene, told the Los Angeles Times. "It looked like a grizzly-bear attack."
Marge: You've got to get him out of there.
Zookeeper: Jeez, I'd like to, but if they don't kill the intruder, it's really bad for their society.
Bart: They're going to kill him?
Zookeeper: Eventually. First, they'll eat his skin.
(http://i44.tinypic.com/2whp4rm.jpg)
Say your prayers, you heathen baboon!
Bump. http://www.newsday.com/news/local/ny-uschimp0514,0,383892.story
QuoteNEW HAVEN, Conn. - A chimpanzee that mauled a Connecticut woman had the anti-anxiety drug Xanax in its system, according to toxicology tests, but investigators haven't determined whether the drug played a role in the attack, a prosecutor said Wednesday.
Yeah, giving a human anti-anxiety drug to a chimp sounds like a good idea.
I'm really sorry to bump this thread, but the lady who got her face eaten off by the chimp was apparently on Oprah.
And I just saw her photo online.
And I'll be damned if I'm going to be the only one who has to deal with that.
(http://static.oprah.com/images/tows/200911/20091111-tows-charla-nash-6-290x218.jpg)
Quote from: PenFoe on November 12, 2009, 02:44:23 PM
I'm really sorry to bump this thread, but the lady who got her face eaten off by the chimp was apparently on Oprah.
And I just saw her photo online.
And I'll be damned if I'm going to be the only one who has to deal with that.
(http://static.oprah.com/images/tows/200911/20091111-tows-charla-nash-6-290x218.jpg)
Jebus. How does she breathe? Through her ears?
Quote from: MAD on November 12, 2009, 03:04:47 PM
Quote from: PenFoe on November 12, 2009, 02:44:23 PM
I'm really sorry to bump this thread, but the lady who got her face eaten off by the chimp was apparently on Oprah.
And I just saw her photo online.
And I'll be damned if I'm going to be the only one who has to deal with that.
(http://static.oprah.com/images/tows/200911/20091111-tows-charla-nash-6-290x218.jpg)
Jebus. How does she breathe? Through her ears?
Those are the best looking DSLs I've ever seen
Quote from: PenFoe on November 12, 2009, 02:44:23 PM
I'm really sorry to bump this thread, but the lady who got her face eaten off by the chimp was apparently on Oprah.
And I just saw her photo online.
And I'll be damned if I'm going to be the only one who has to deal with that.
(http://static.oprah.com/images/tows/200911/20091111-tows-charla-nash-6-290x218.jpg)
Steve Phillips just friended her on Facebook.
Quote from: PenFoe on November 12, 2009, 02:44:23 PM
I'm really sorry to bump this thread, but the lady who got her face eaten off by the chimp was apparently on Oprah.
And I just saw her photo online.
And I'll be damned if I'm going to be the only one who has to deal with that.
(http://static.oprah.com/images/tows/200911/20091111-tows-charla-nash-6-290x218.jpg)
Jimmy Durante?
Quote from: Kermit, B. on November 13, 2009, 12:00:20 PM
Quote from: PenFoe on November 12, 2009, 02:44:23 PM
I'm really sorry to bump this thread, but the lady who got her face eaten off by the chimp was apparently on Oprah.
And I just saw her photo online.
And I'll be damned if I'm going to be the only one who has to deal with that.
(http://static.oprah.com/images/tows/200911/20091111-tows-charla-nash-6-290x218.jpg)
Jimmy Durante?
Ha.
Cha cha cha cha...