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How do you wipe?

Standing—Hollywood style
Sitting—the humble, old-fashioned American way
Squating/hovering/can't make up my mind
Bidet
Can't reach back there, use the towelrack like a bootscraper
I only shit in the shower
A team of orphans swabs my dainty hole with perfumed chamois leather while I sun on the terrace
I don't

Author Topic: How you crappin'?  ( 65,342 )

Internet Apex

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #210 on: March 31, 2010, 07:37:23 AM »
And DWD.

Are you serious? An inspection shelf? Come on, Europe! We send our troops over there twice in the last century to stop you lot from immolating one another and this is what you decide to do? Build a fucking shelf in your toilet so that you can inspect and evidently touch your own feces? Sweet Jebus. I feel like a son whose father has been living alone with Parkinsons or some other dreadful thing. He keeps telling you he's fine, he's fine, don't put him in that nursing home. But then you come to visit one day and...

He's not fine.

I hope you lot take this revelation into account the next time you decide to question our superiority in this god-forsaken world.
The 37th Tenet of Pexism:  Apestink is terrible.

Richard Chuggar

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #211 on: March 31, 2010, 07:50:31 AM »
Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 06:07:43 AM
Quote from: Wheezer on March 30, 2010, 02:14:50 PM
Hmph. From a comment at scienceblogs.com:

QuoteWe do have some strange habits in that department in Europe too, though. I was in Austria recently, and the airport toilets are designed so that your crap does not fall into the water, but instead sits out on a shelf in the air, where it can be closely examined before being flushed away. This has the delightful effect of allowing a large deposit to pile high enough to touch the buttocks.


All the toilets in my house (and indeed, all the toilets in all my previous homes in NL and DE) have this inspection shelf.  The hit rate for putting my hand in my own poo when I reach down to wipe my arse is around 30%.

What the fuck is wrong with you?
Can't you take the shelf out?  Break it?  Get a new toilet?
Because when you're fighting for your man, experience is a mutha'.

Shooter

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #212 on: March 31, 2010, 07:54:14 AM »
Quote from: Richard Chuggar on March 31, 2010, 07:50:31 AM
Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 06:07:43 AM
Quote from: Wheezer on March 30, 2010, 02:14:50 PM
Hmph. From a comment at scienceblogs.com:

QuoteWe do have some strange habits in that department in Europe too, though. I was in Austria recently, and the airport toilets are designed so that your crap does not fall into the water, but instead sits out on a shelf in the air, where it can be closely examined before being flushed away. This has the delightful effect of allowing a large deposit to pile high enough to touch the buttocks.


All the toilets in my house (and indeed, all the toilets in all my previous homes in NL and DE) have this inspection shelf.  The hit rate for putting my hand in my own poo when I reach down to wipe my arse is around 30%.

What the fuck is wrong with you?
Can't you take the shelf out?  Break it?  Get a new toilet?



An example of the landing shelf.

Internet Apex

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #213 on: March 31, 2010, 07:55:29 AM »
How in hell do you piss on that without soaking your entire bathroom with splashback?
The 37th Tenet of Pexism:  Apestink is terrible.

Dr. Nguyen Van Falk

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #214 on: March 31, 2010, 07:58:12 AM »
Quote from: Internet Apex on March 31, 2010, 07:55:29 AM
How in hell do you piss on that without soaking your entire bathroom with splashback?

Euros probably sit to pee.
WHAT THESE FANCY DANS IN CHICAGO THINK THEY DO?

Tonker

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #215 on: March 31, 2010, 07:58:26 AM »
This is the kind of thing I'm talking about :



As you can see, the shelf is an integral part of the toilet itself.  You can't take it out or break it off.  And you can, of course, buy a new toilet but it will look exactly like the last one because in Continental Europe, this is all we know.

I presume it's to try and avoid poo-splashback, which is a risk with your non-inspection toilet - although the judicious use of a pap baffle would solve that problem, too.

In any event, I'm not trying to justify it - I'm merely telling you how it is.
Your toilet's broken, Dave, but I fixed it.

SKO

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #216 on: March 31, 2010, 07:59:44 AM »
Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 07:58:26 AM
This is the kind of thing I'm talking about :



As you can see, the shelf is an integral part of the toilet itself.  You can't take it out or break it off.  And you can, of course, buy a new toilet but it will look exactly like the last one because in Continental Europe, this is all we know.

I presume it's to try and avoid poo-splashback, which is a risk with your non-inspection toilet - although the judicious use of a pap baffle would solve that problem, too.

In any event, I'm not trying to justify it - I'm merely telling you how it is.

This is why you lost the war.
I will vow, for the sake of peace, not to complain about David Ross between now and his first start next year- 10/26/2015

Tonker

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #217 on: March 31, 2010, 08:00:12 AM »
Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 31, 2010, 07:58:12 AM
Quote from: Internet Apex on March 31, 2010, 07:55:29 AM
How in hell do you piss on that without soaking your entire bathroom with splashback?

Euros probably sit to pee.

I have encountered a great many more Sitzpissers in mainland Europe than I ever did in the UK, that's for sure.
Your toilet's broken, Dave, but I fixed it.

Internet Apex

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #218 on: March 31, 2010, 08:02:43 AM »
Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 08:00:12 AM
Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 31, 2010, 07:58:12 AM
Quote from: Internet Apex on March 31, 2010, 07:55:29 AM
How in hell do you piss on that without soaking your entire bathroom with splashback?

Euros probably sit to pee.

I have encountered a great many more Sitzpissers in mainland Europe than I ever did in the UK, that's for sure.

So the UK doesn't use this kind of atrocity? I feel lots better about that. And "Pap Baffle?" Please explain. You may redeem yourself yet.
The 37th Tenet of Pexism:  Apestink is terrible.

Tonker

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #219 on: March 31, 2010, 08:08:16 AM »
Quote from: Internet Apex on March 31, 2010, 08:02:43 AM
Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 08:00:12 AM
Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 31, 2010, 07:58:12 AM
Quote from: Internet Apex on March 31, 2010, 07:55:29 AM
How in hell do you piss on that without soaking your entire bathroom with splashback?

Euros probably sit to pee.

I have encountered a great many more Sitzpissers in mainland Europe than I ever did in the UK, that's for sure.

So the UK doesn't use this kind of atrocity? I feel lots better about that. And "Pap Baffle?" Please explain. You may redeem yourself yet.

You will occasionally come across an inspection-shelf-karzi in the UK but it's a rarity.  Most of them are of your common-or-garden fire and forget variety.

And how, if you all have plunge-toilets, can you not know what a pap baffle is?
Your toilet's broken, Dave, but I fixed it.

Dr. Nguyen Van Falk

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #220 on: March 31, 2010, 08:18:28 AM »
Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 08:08:16 AM
And how, if you all have plunge-toilets, can you not know what a pap baffle is?

Wow... Have the Brits finally given us something useful?
WHAT THESE FANCY DANS IN CHICAGO THINK THEY DO?

Tonker

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #221 on: March 31, 2010, 08:23:25 AM »
Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 31, 2010, 08:18:28 AM
Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 08:08:16 AM
And how, if you all have plunge-toilets, can you not know what a pap baffle is?

Wow... Have the Brits finally given us something useful?

You mean, apart from the flush toilet?
Your toilet's broken, Dave, but I fixed it.

Waco Kid

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #222 on: March 31, 2010, 08:25:56 AM »
Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 07:58:26 AM
This is the kind of thing I'm talking about :



As you can see, the shelf is an integral part of the toilet itself.  You can't take it out or break it off.  And you can, of course, buy a new toilet but it will look exactly like the last one because in Continental Europe, this is all we know.

I presume it's to try and avoid poo-splashback, which is a risk with your non-inspection toilet - although the judicious use of a pap baffle would solve that problem, too.

In any event, I'm not trying to justify it - I'm merely telling you how it is.


I'm just wondering how much of a wave of water that thing would need to push crap off the shelf. Especially, if you put down a good, heavy one.

Richard Chuggar

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #223 on: March 31, 2010, 08:28:18 AM »
Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 07:58:26 AM
This is the kind of thing I'm talking about :



As you can see, the shelf is an integral part of the toilet itself.  You can't take it out or break it off.  And you can, of course, buy a new toilet but it will look exactly like the last one because in Continental Europe, this is all we know.

I presume it's to try and avoid poo-splashback, which is a risk with your non-inspection toilet - although the judicious use of a pap baffle would solve that problem, too.

In any event, I'm not trying to justify it - I'm merely telling you how it is.

You should get your wife to scrub your toilet.  Not a euphemism.
Because when you're fighting for your man, experience is a mutha'.

Oleg

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #224 on: March 31, 2010, 08:46:45 AM »
Quote from: Richard Chuggar on March 31, 2010, 08:28:18 AM
Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 07:58:26 AM
This is the kind of thing I'm talking about :



As you can see, the shelf is an integral part of the toilet itself.  You can't take it out or break it off.  And you can, of course, buy a new toilet but it will look exactly like the last one because in Continental Europe, this is all we know.

I presume it's to try and avoid poo-splashback, which is a risk with your non-inspection toilet - although the judicious use of a pap baffle would solve that problem, too.

In any event, I'm not trying to justify it - I'm merely telling you how it is.

You should get your wife to scrub your toilet.  Not a euphemism.

I'm pretending it is.