Firebarn Chris Coghlan Because Fuck You, That's Why

[SKO]

I'm going to keep fueling this replacement level scrub with my hatred till he's won World Series MVP.

A noble cause. One that seems to be working. I may need to jump back on bashing Montero, last night aside.

I'm not sure you're allowed to hate a guy, and then take credit for any improvement he might make.  Seems a little like having your cake, and eating it.

Mmm... cake.

Are you saying I didn't singlehandedly turn Snork into a valuable trade chip?

This is true. Bort got us Addison Russell and we never show him any gratitude for it.

[Yeti]

I'm going to keep fueling this replacement level scrub with my hatred till he's won World Series MVP.

A noble cause. One that seems to be working. I may need to jump back on bashing Montero, last night aside.

I'm not sure you're allowed to hate a guy, and then take credit for any improvement he might make.  Seems a little like having your cake, and eating it.

Mmm... cake.

Are you saying I didn't singlehandedly turn Snork into a valuable trade chip?

This is true. Bort got us Addison Russell and we never show him any gratitude for it.

And half of Dexter Fowler

[InternetApex]

I'm going to keep fueling this replacement level scrub with my hatred till he's won World Series MVP.

A noble cause. One that seems to be working. I may need to jump back on bashing Montero, last night aside.

I'm not sure you're allowed to hate a guy, and then take credit for any improvement he might make.  Seems a little like having your cake, and eating it.

Mmm... cake.

Are you saying I didn't singlehandedly turn Snork into a valuable trade chip?

This is true. Bort got us Addison Russell and we never show him any gratitude for it.

I don't mind Bort getting all the credit for the Snork hate because he's hated him harder and longer than I have. I'll cop to some 2012 Snork tolerance when he was decent. Bort wasn't fooled or swayed in the least. He said what we all should have been saying about that fuck toilet but none of us had the heart.

[Chuck to Chuck]

I'm going to keep fueling this replacement level scrub with my hatred till he's won World Series MVP.

A noble cause. One that seems to be working. I may need to jump back on bashing Montero, last night aside.

I'm not sure you're allowed to hate a guy, and then take credit for any improvement he might make.  Seems a little like having your cake, and eating it.

Mmm... cake.

Are you saying I didn't singlehandedly turn Snork into a valuable trade chip?

This is true. Bort got us Addison Russell and we never show him any gratitude for it.

I don't mind Bort getting all the credit for the Snork hate because he's hated him harder and longer than I have. I'll cop to some 2012 Snork tolerance when he was decent. Bort wasn't fooled or swayed in the least. He said what we all should have been saying about that fuck toilet but none of us had the heart.

So, I get credit for Corey Black?

[Eli]

I'm going to keep fueling this replacement level scrub with my hatred till he's won World Series MVP.

A noble cause. One that seems to be working. I may need to jump back on bashing Montero, last night aside.

I'm not sure you're allowed to hate a guy, and then take credit for any improvement he might make.  Seems a little like having your cake, and eating it.

Mmm... cake.

You can't eat your cake if you don't have it in the first place, so shut up.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

I'm going to keep fueling this replacement level scrub with my hatred till he's won World Series MVP.

A noble cause. One that seems to be working. I may need to jump back on bashing Montero, last night aside.

Good work, Eli.  Keep hatin'.

[Eli]

I'm going to keep fueling this replacement level scrub with my hatred till he's won World Series MVP.

A noble cause. One that seems to be working. I may need to jump back on bashing Montero, last night aside.

Good work, Eli.  Keep hatin'.

Can we get Pen to do some agency-style project management here and assign all of us Cub players to hate? I feel like we can coordinate our hate and get this team to 95 wins.

[Tonker]

I'm going to keep fueling this replacement level scrub with my hatred till he's won World Series MVP.

A noble cause. One that seems to be working. I may need to jump back on bashing Montero, last night aside.

Good work, Eli.  Keep hatin'.

Can we get Pen to do some agency-style project management here and assign all of us Cub players to hate? I feel like we can coordinate our hate and get this team to 95 wins.

Dibs on Junior Lake.

[Quality Start Machine]

I'm going to keep fueling this replacement level scrub with my hatred till he's won World Series MVP.

A noble cause. One that seems to be working. I may need to jump back on bashing Montero, last night aside.

Good work, Eli.  Keep hatin'.

Can we get Pen to do some agency-style project management here and assign all of us Cub players to hate? I feel like we can coordinate our hate and get this team to 95 wins.

Dibs on Junior Lake.

I get Motte. That dude totally has at least half a dozen sisterwives.

[Eli]

I'm going to keep fueling this replacement level scrub with my hatred till he's won World Series MVP.

A noble cause. One that seems to be working. I may need to jump back on bashing Montero, last night aside.

Good work, Eli.  Keep hatin'.

Can we get Pen to do some agency-style project management here and assign all of us Cub players to hate? I feel like we can coordinate our hate and get this team to 95 wins.

Dibs on Junior Lake.

I already have the Montero account but would also be happy to take on the Kyle Hendricks account as well. Dude's going to turn back into a pumpkin any start now.

[InternetApex]

I'm going to keep fueling this replacement level scrub with my hatred till he's won World Series MVP.

A noble cause. One that seems to be working. I may need to jump back on bashing Montero, last night aside.

Good work, Eli.  Keep hatin'.

Can we get Pen to do some agency-style project management here and assign all of us Cub players to hate? I feel like we can coordinate our hate and get this team to 95 wins.

Dibs on Junior Lake.

I get Motte. That dude totally has at least half a dozen sisterwives.

Is the purpose to hate a guy in hopes that he gets better? Then I'll take Hendricks. If it's to hate a guy because he sucks and you hate him, I'll take Olt.

[SKO]

I'm going to keep fueling this replacement level scrub with my hatred till he's won World Series MVP.

A noble cause. One that seems to be working. I may need to jump back on bashing Montero, last night aside.

Good work, Eli.  Keep hatin'.

Can we get Pen to do some agency-style project management here and assign all of us Cub players to hate? I feel like we can coordinate our hate and get this team to 95 wins.

Dibs on Junior Lake.

I get Motte. That dude totally has at least half a dozen sisterwives.

Is the purpose to hate a guy in hopes that he gets better? Then I'll take Hendricks. If it's to hate a guy because he sucks and you hate him, I'll take Olt.

It's to give him rage fuel in order so that he can succeed and shove it up your dumb fucking face. Right now I've got Coghlan hitting like an actually good major league outfielder and David Ross won a game singlehandedly with my divine hatespiration. Keep up, bro.

[Quality Start Machine]

I'm going to keep fueling this replacement level scrub with my hatred till he's won World Series MVP.

A noble cause. One that seems to be working. I may need to jump back on bashing Montero, last night aside.

Good work, Eli.  Keep hatin'.

Can we get Pen to do some agency-style project management here and assign all of us Cub players to hate? I feel like we can coordinate our hate and get this team to 95 wins.

Dibs on Junior Lake.

I get Motte. That dude totally has at least half a dozen sisterwives.

Is the purpose to hate a guy in hopes that he gets better? Then I'll take Hendricks. If it's to hate a guy because he sucks and you hate him, I'll take Olt.

It's to give him rage fuel in order so that he can succeed and shove it up your dumb fucking face. Right now I've got Coghlan hitting like an actually good major league outfielder and David Ross won a game singlehandedly with my divine hatespiration. Keep up, bro.

Since the entire country saw LeBron's dong last night, Apex no longer feels special.

[InternetApex]

I'm going to keep fueling this replacement level scrub with my hatred till he's won World Series MVP.

A noble cause. One that seems to be working. I may need to jump back on bashing Montero, last night aside.

Good work, Eli.  Keep hatin'.

Can we get Pen to do some agency-style project management here and assign all of us Cub players to hate? I feel like we can coordinate our hate and get this team to 95 wins.

Dibs on Junior Lake.

I get Motte. That dude totally has at least half a dozen sisterwives.

Is the purpose to hate a guy in hopes that he gets better? Then I'll take Hendricks. If it's to hate a guy because he sucks and you hate him, I'll take Olt.

It's to give him rage fuel in order so that he can succeed and shove it up your dumb fucking face. Right now I've got Coghlan hitting like an actually good major league outfielder and David Ross won a game singlehandedly with my divine hatespiration. Keep up, bro.

Since the entire country saw LeBron's dong last night, Apex no longer feels special.

That was the Costanza version. I'm still among the blessed.

[Eli]

.904 OPS in June so far, up to .773 for the year. Keep up the good work, SKO.