Desipio Message Board

Hello again, everybody!  I was so glad to see yesterday that so many of you (well, one of you) missed my daily Stool updates in the News Box here at the world's greatest messageboard.  Andy has kindly allowed me to put up an update for today (actually, he probably doesn't know I did it), and I thought it'd be fun if we took the chance to chat about something we do every day (well, if you get enough grain you do).

Today's topic on Poop Chat with Karry Ling: The different types of poop.

I'm sure we all have names we give some different types of dump types.  For example, I have some.

The Boss (aka The Springsteen) -- You flush, everything goes down and then suddenly one pops back up for an understated encore.

The Aerosmith -- Much like The Boss, only this one comes back for repeated encores, whether you want it to or not.

The Osama Bin Laden -- You feel it plunge, you hear the splash, yet when you lift a cheek to check your handiwork it's nowhere to be found, presumably into the little cave.

Discuss amongst your friends! 

Oh yes, this seems like a grand idea.

Since I work with him, I can tell you that Karry takes a lot of Coalminers.  We have to send a canary into the bathroom when he's done to see if the air is still toxic.

We had bridging the gap in high school. If someone could lay one across the hole in the toilet where everything goes down, you successfully bridged the gap. Good times.

So when is Karry going to have a sit down interview with Brick Tamlin?

Ah, I remember those innocent days when all the news box consisted of was, well, ...

I'll just say it took a lot of garden hosing.  About the smell?  No comment.  Or was the smell just Pepe?  Or a combination of old man slime shit and unkempt foreign hooved animal?  Even so, I'm glad regularity has returned to Desipio's Favorite Celebrity.

what about the Richard Simmons, where you lose 5 pounds by the time you're done?

Quote from: berserker on June 21, 2006, 03:25:51 PM

what about the Richard Simmons, where you lose 5 pounds by the time you're done?

I thought that was the one where your asshole feels like you wiped with sandpaper.

Gotta love the Mudslide!

Here they have the term Croc Slide, which is when you sit facing the tank so you leave a big smear on the front of the bowl that the incoming water doesn't wash off. 

I thought Aussies ALWAYS sat facing the tank on account of how the water spins the opposite direction.

"Gnossos stared down again.  As he did, a small eddying current in the water lolled it over on its side.  It was astonishingly well formed, here and there a minuscule design.  Cuneiform of the bowels.  Secret cellular knowledge etched by the insides, trying to tell us something." --Richard Farina

My two faves are floaters and sinkers.

How's that colonoscopy going, Karry?

How about Number 1.5, when you're trying to take a Number 2, but it comes out like a Number 1?

What?  Did someone say "poo"?  Ah, now we're talking!  We Brits are obsessed with poo, as evidenced by this lot - fetched off the intermernet in a matter of moments.  If you boys haven't yet discovered the delights of "Roger's Profanisaurus", you should go and buy yourselves a copy.

Pace Car n. Of paying a sit down visit. The slow, unaerodynamic leading turd that once out of the way, allows the fast, souped-up bastards behind it to put their foot down.

Air Biscuit n. Fart; botty burp. As in "Has somebody launched an air biscuit?"

Air Buffet n. A lingering gaseous meal, more substantial than an air biscuit, to which one may make several visits.

Badger Loose euph. An R.A.F. issue air biscuit. "'I say, Ginger' cautioned Biggles. 'I think number two engine is on fire.' 'No, that's me,' confessed Algie. 'I've just let a badger loose.'" (from 'Biggles Folllows Through' by Capt. W.E. Johns).

Bomb Bay Mix n. A single lavatorial sitting that produces a pot-pourri of stool consistency from copper bolts to a rusty water geyser and all points in between. Shitterish allsorts, variety cack.

Dead Otter n. A single stool of immense proportions.

Dreadnought n. Even bigger than a dead otter.

Bottom log n. A scuttled dreadnought that hits the sea bed whilst still exiting the windward passage.

Build a Log Cabin euph. To pass an enormous, solid stool. As in: 'I wouldn't go in there mate.  Someone's just built a log cabin"

Bunker Buster n. 1. An exceedingly large turd that feels like it, if dropped from a great height, could break through 20 metres of re-inforced concrete. 2. American bomb used to root out turds.

Cable Laying euph. To excrete solid stools. As opposed to crop spraying.

And some more :

Casting Churchill's reflection v. A political impression involving a porcelain bowl with water in the bottom, your arse and a bum cigar.

Coilus Interruptus n. Cath. Lat. Method employed by God to prevent the birth of Meatloaf's daughter whereby the Jehovah's Witnesses ring the doorbell just as you are laying the foundations of a log cabin.

Draw an Ace v. On wiping one's arse thoroughly, to eventually have an unsoiled piece of paper which indicates the wiping is over.

Drop the Kids off at the Pool v.  "I can't even think about breakfast until I've had a cigarette and dropped the kids off at the pool."  Depending on what was eaten the night before, the kids may be noisy, unruly and possibly even Mexican.

Food's Ghost n. An invisible, eerie presence, accompanied by a low humming sound and the stench of death.

Ghost Shit n. A stool or dump of which there is no trace when you stand up and turn round to admire it.

Gronk n. R.A.F. To have a shit. "'Bandits at three O'clock,' ejaculated Algie. 'Great!' replied Biggles. 'I've got half an hour to have a big smelly gronk!'" (from 'Biggles Drops his Fudge' by Capt. W.E. Johns).

Turtle's Head n. The initial protrusion of a stool though the chocolate starfish; the point at which contracts are exchanged for the building of a log cabin.

Turtle's Breath n. The very final warning fart before the turtle pokes its head out to autograph the gusset.

Touching Cloth n. The stage immediately after turtles head when the stool establishes contact with the undergarments. As in: "Is there a toilet anywhere round here mate? I'm touching cloth".  Also known as "The first two inches are cold."

Mr. Brown is at The Window euph. To have the turtle's head. First used by Queen Victoria. "Pray forgive us, Mr. Gladstone, but we cannot receive you at the moment. Mr. Brown is at the window, and we fear we may papper our trollies."

Manjack n.  A jobbie of such prodigious length and firmness that once it's reached bottom it starts to lift the perpetrator off his seat.

Pap Baffle n. The scrunched up piece of bog roll placed in the pan which makes the person in the next cubicle genuinely believe that your shit doesn't make a 'plop' when it hits the water.

Oh, and yay for the return of the Stool update.

All we need now is some pictures of Pepe at the World Cup (I assume he IS covering it) and I'll be in Desipiheaven.

I just had the elusive no-wiper dump.  Well, I mean, there's at least one wipe to see that you don't HAVE to wipe, of course.  I'm not nasty, yo.  BUT, get this, I had a 2-wiper, no-wiper dump.  That's right.  I had to check TWICE because I just didn't believe the first clean one.  Why?  Well, I'll tell ya anyway.  It's because I pinched it off early on in the dumping.  And it was STILL clean.  Pretty awesome, right?  Yeah, I know it is.  When the lead turd was half-way out, I sneezed which caused the pinching.  I was pretty disappointed  because I didn't wanna spend all day tryin' to get all that stuff off my booty.  I dropped 2 1/2 more medium sized turds in the bowl and disgustedly tore off some TP.  After having pinched, then you can just imagine my surprise when the TP came back in much the same condition as when it when down there.  I thought that I must have poop marks all over the outside of my booty.  Oh, how humiliating.  And time consuming.  Now, more than ever.  Well, I go back down there and wipe the entire butt area.  I could tell during that process even, that this, too, would come back untainted(no pun intended, but I checked that area, too).  Oh, yeah, that TP came back clean, baby.  Well, there was a butt hair on it, but that doesn't count.  I've never had that happen to me before and I just wanted to share it.  I also don't think I've ever had a post this long before.  There was actually a lot more anticipation and rejoicing at the end, but I didn't feel like typing anymore.  My day is all downhill from here.  I mean, ya quit climbin' once ya hit the peak, right?

This truly is the only site you'll ever need.

Quote from: JD on June 22, 2006, 09:35:35 AM
I just had the elusive no-wiper dump.  Well, I mean, there's at least one wipe to see that you don't HAVE to wipe, of course.  I'm not nasty, yo.  BUT, get this, I had a 2-wiper, no-wiper dump.  That's right.  I had to check TWICE because I just didn't believe the first clean one.  Why?  Well, I'll tell ya anyway.  It's because I pinched it off early on in the dumping.  And it was STILL clean.  Pretty awesome, right?  Yeah, I know it is.  When the lead turd was half-way out, I sneezed which caused the pinching.  I was pretty disappointed  because I didn't wanna spend all day tryin' to get all that stuff off my booty.  I dropped 2 1/2 more medium sized turds in the bowl and disgustedly tore off some TP.  After having pinched, then you can just imagine my surprise when the TP came back in much the same condition as when it when down there.  I thought that I must have poop marks all over the outside of my booty.  Oh, how humiliating.  And time consuming.  Now, more than ever.  Well, I go back down there and wipe the entire butt area.  I could tell during that process even, that this, too, would come back untainted(no pun intended, but I checked that area, too).  Oh, yeah, that TP came back clean, baby.  Well, there was a butt hair on it, but that doesn't count.  I've never had that happen to me before and I just wanted to share it.  I also don't think I've ever had a post this long before.  There was actually a lot more anticipation and rejoicing at the end, but I didn't feel like typing anymore.  My day is all downhill from here.  I mean, ya quit climbin' once ya hit the peak, right?

"When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer."

vini vidi vici, y'all.

Quote from: JD on June 22, 2006, 09:35:35 AM
I just had the elusive no-wiper dump.  Well, I mean, there's at least one wipe to see that you don't HAVE to wipe, of course.  I'm not nasty, yo.  BUT, get this, I had a 2-wiper, no-wiper dump.  That's right.  I had to check TWICE because I just didn't believe the first clean one.  Why?  Well, I'll tell ya anyway.  It's because I pinched it off early on in the dumping.  And it was STILL clean.  Pretty awesome, right?  Yeah, I know it is.  When the lead turd was half-way out, I sneezed which caused the pinching.  I was pretty disappointed  because I didn't wanna spend all day tryin' to get all that stuff off my booty.  I dropped 2 1/2 more medium sized turds in the bowl and disgustedly tore off some TP.  After having pinched, then you can just imagine my surprise when the TP came back in much the same condition as when it when down there.  I thought that I must have poop marks all over the outside of my booty.  Oh, how humiliating.  And time consuming.  Now, more than ever.  Well, I go back down there and wipe the entire butt area.  I could tell during that process even, that this, too, would come back untainted(no pun intended, but I checked that area, too).  Oh, yeah, that TP came back clean, baby.  Well, there was a butt hair on it, but that doesn't count.  I've never had that happen to me before and I just wanted to share it.  I also don't think I've ever had a post this long before.  There was actually a lot more anticipation and rejoicing at the end, but I didn't feel like typing anymore.  My day is all downhill from here.  I mean, ya quit climbin' once ya hit the peak, right?

The world is your oyster, sir.

Quote from: Tonker on June 22, 2006, 04:15:09 AM
We Brits are obsessed with poo

Does this mean I'm not in the e-dog house for my "Briton" slip?  I do hand-wring over this sort of thing.  Allow me to resume sleeping at night, kind sir.  By the way, a few friends of mine are looking to hop on over to Amsterdam for a trip, and might drag my moran ass along.  Can I pick your brain in that regard?  I would like to extract some information. 

And I would just like to add:

Upper Decker:  A dumping left in the upper tank of a toilet fixture.  Best done at local establishments, or at parties hosted by some blockhead you've never heard of.  Never do it to your own throne.

I made the mistake of telling a group of deviants this.  Des Moines' sewer system will never be the same.  Now, of course, I have told another group of deviants.  Carry on!

Quote from: SD on June 22, 2006, 03:19:46 PM

Quote from: Tonker on June 22, 2006, 04:15:09 AM
We Brits are obsessed with poo

Does this mean I'm not in the e-dog house for my "Briton" slip?  I do hand-wring over this sort of thing.  Allow me to resume sleeping at night, kind sir.  By the way, a few friends of mine are looking to hop on over to Amsterdam for a trip, and might drag my moran ass along.  Can I pick your brain in that regard?  I would like to extract some information. 

And I would just like to add:

Upper Decker:  A dumping left in the upper tank of a toilet fixture.  Best done at local establishments, or at parties hosted by some blockhead you've never heard of.  Never do it to your own throne.

I made the mistake of telling a group of deviants this.  Des Moines' sewer system will never be the same.  Now, of course, I have told another group of deviants.  Carry on!

You must think this is a really stupid group of deviants to add that disclaimer. 

Quote from: JD on June 22, 2006, 03:30:47 PM
You must think this is a really stupid group of deviants to add that disclaimer. 

Well seeing as how 80% of the conversation the past two days has been about things going in and out of arseholes, he could be forgiven.  Maybe stupid's not the right word, but we're definitely reaching some sophomoric lows.  Even for us.

Quote from: JD on June 22, 2006, 03:30:47 PM

Quote from: SD on June 22, 2006, 03:19:46 PM

Quote from: Tonker on June 22, 2006, 04:15:09 AM
We Brits are obsessed with poo

Does this mean I'm not in the e-dog house for my "Briton" slip?  I do hand-wring over this sort of thing.  Allow me to resume sleeping at night, kind sir.  By the way, a few friends of mine are looking to hop on over to Amsterdam for a trip, and might drag my moran ass along.  Can I pick your brain in that regard?  I would like to extract some information. 

And I would just like to add:

Upper Decker:  A dumping left in the upper tank of a toilet fixture.  Best done at local establishments, or at parties hosted by some blockhead you've never heard of.  Never do it to your own throne.

I made the mistake of telling a group of deviants this.  Des Moines' sewer system will never be the same.  Now, of course, I have told another group of deviants.  Carry on!

You must think this is a really stupid group of deviants to add that disclaimer. 

I notice we have a lot of Guests that read at each and every hour.  Even at the wee hours, there's still a healthy stream of 5 or so Guests that are readin' the Desippy.  I've even seen some print out topics, which scares me.

I just didn't want someone to read it, think to themself "hot dog, I gotta try this 'un out!", and race to the nearest facility to give it a whirl.  The nearest facility, of course, would be the poor bloke's own.  Err on the side of caution, I say.  Cause if you were to err in this situation, you (or your tank, more precisely) would be in deep shit.

I know a guy who goes about 6-3, 250 named Kev. He's a funny bastard and good to have at parties as he can drink like most mortal men under the table and still find time to get out the guitar and make up derogatory songs about you. Anyway that's Kev.

But the reason why he's on this thread is because of a story he relayed to us a few weeks back concerning his pooping exploits. Big guy like that, who drinks a lot can obviously shit some real screamers and such.

OK, so Kevin started dating his wife about two years ago and when they first started hitting it off she was staying in a small studio apartment with just one bathroom. And Kev, he of the rotton asshole and massive log stacking abilities was terrified of dropping a deuce so as to peal the paint off walls and derail their romance as it was just starting to get rolling. He'd take trips to the gas station under the auspices of "getting cigarettes" making sure to run out at the approriate times. It was working for awhile too.

But the two love birds went on a long weekend trip to some odd place and stayed in a motel room and Kev again got scared and held his shit for a full day or two. Then came a long car ride back home and he couldn't even bring himself to let the farts slip out surrounding the brown glacier forming in his bowels so the compression was getting to his stomach you can imagine.

And he finally made it back to her house, he said, and after touching cloth for several hours and having the gas pushing the mammoth thing to the forefront he couldn't wait anymore. He couldn't go to the gas station either because he knew he'd never make it without sharting. It was go time. So Kevin sat down and gave birth to a five pound alien with wings, claws and razor-sharp fangs. The smell, he said would knock a fly off a shit wagon but the more pressing issue was whether his still-born bundle of misery would make it down the hatch with a mere flush of the overmatched john.

He didn't even bother with TP at this juncture. No more need to gum up the system any worse. So he pulled the handle and tensely watched the evil bastard swirl around in the bowl like a floating duck from Henry Burris. And no dice. The thing was lodged hopelessy in the bottom hole. He didn't dare flush again because an overflow of this toxic brownish water would be even further insult. But worse than all that was the lack of a plunger in this woman's bathroom. A small, dainty sort, she probably never stopped up the toilet or considered it likely to happen. So what was our hero to do? He tried hard not to panic but he heard a knock on the door. Her: "Kevin, is everything ok in there?"

"Uh, sure babe. I'm just fine. No problem."

Out of desperation, Kevin  searched for a weapon to subdue the beast. He found only the plastic brush that his sweetie used to clean this mortally choking basin. Kevin grabbed the brush and plunged the bristled end deep into the valley of death. He stabbed, he jabbed, he twisted, he stuffed. But the job was too big and the muck he'd shoved downward into the pipes had only gotten lodged deeper than before. And still worse, the brush was stuck down into the hole. In a panicked rush, Kevin yanked the brush back toward him and in doing so brought a third of his bileous antagonist flying right into his face. He said he had it on his nose, his lips, his eyelids, in his HAIR! But at least that final thrust had broken up the giant turd so that it  released the water from the bowl and could be broken further and then sunk completely at last.

His relief was still a long time hence. his shirt was ruined, his face needed a prodigious scrubbing and his hair... this dude needed a shower. He hopped in and took the brush with him so that he could somehow rinse out its shit-caked bristles. No luck, the stain was going to set permanently. Kevin said he got out of the shower, put his shirt and the brush in the trash, removed the bag, tied it and ran out of the apartment to the dumpster to dispose of the evidence.

Luckily he had just returned from vacation and did have a change of clothes. The funniest part about this story, besides the crazed look in his eyes when he expressed the real fear gripping him throughout the entire episode was the fact that his wife was standing next to him when he told it, laughing as hard as any one of us. Ahhhh, true love.  

Apex Climbs In Polls, Receives First Place Votes In Desipio AP Poll.

I know I've ran my intestines raw more than a few times in the company of lady-friends, special ladies, in hopes of disposing of it elsewhere.  Still, no matter how many times I'd have to run the sink full blast to drown out the sounds of the machine-gun action, I'll never have a hope in the world of repeating what we just saw here.  I'm laughing so hard I may -- ... be right back.

Very well told story.  Nicely written and all.

Apex=A+.

Apex officially wins at life, the universe and everything.

QuoteSo Kevin sat down and gave birth to a five pound alien with wings, claws and razor-sharp fangs.

Awesome.  Awesome to the max.

Quote from: SD on June 22, 2006, 03:38:19 PM

I notice we have a lot of Guests that read at each and every hour.  Even at the wee hours, there's still a healthy stream of 5 or so Guests that are readin' the Desippy.  I've even seen some print out topics, which scares me.

NSA.

We're all on a list somewhere. Probably not the first time for most of us.

I was just fired from work for laughing too loudly.

I'll be here all week fellas. Try the veal.

That was a great story.  

It had everything: love, loss, a villian, a hero, an epic struggle...

Quote from: J Rod on June 22, 2006, 04:13:08 PM
That was a great story.  

It had everything: love, loss, a villian, a hero, an epic struggle...

... and Henry Burris.

I was going to tell some story about my college roommate shatting in a tupperware container then throwing it at a car, but it just doesn't compare...

QuoteTry the veal.

I'm afraid that the veal has been tainted by

Quotea five pound alien with wings, claws and razor-sharp fangs.

 
I may never eat again.  IS IT IN MY HAIR?  I'll be in the shower if someone needs me.  Not that anyone would.

Quote from: J Rod on June 22, 2006, 04:17:57 PM
I was going to tell some story about my college roommate shatting in a tupperware container then throwing it at a car, but it just doesn't compare...

Some broad in college left a tall plastic cup over at my apartment once, so I promptly shit in it and left it on their doorstep the next day.  I'm about 130 pounds lighter than Big Kev, but still got the job done.

You're right, attempts at matching Apex are futile.

Quote from: J Rod on June 22, 2006, 04:17:57 PM
I was going to tell some story about my college roommate shatting in a tupperware container then throwing it at a car, but it just doesn't compare...

You roomed with Najeh Davenport?

My poop story involved a two-year-old "decorating" a new couch.  Not even in the same ballpark.

Also, in college, there was a fellow in my dorm known as the "Mad &*#%%er".  He would strike late at night, in very unlikely places (girls' bathroom sink, RA's doorstep, vending machine slot, etc....).  His greatest act involved pooping in the microwave in the common area, and then turning it on.  

They say if the wind is blowing the right way, you can still smell it today....

Quote from: Indolent Reader on June 22, 2006, 04:31:02 PM
My poop story involved a two-year-old "decorating" a new couch.  Not even in the same ballpark.

Also, in college, there was a fellow in my dorm known as the "Mad &*#%%er".  He would strike late at night, in very unlikely places (girls' bathroom sink, RA's doorstep, vending machine slot, etc....).  His greatest act involved pooping in the microwave in the common area, and then turning it on.  

They say if the wind is blowing the right way, you can still smell it today....

Was that guy from Joliet?  There was a mad #$%@er at my high school.

Dunno.  They never caught him.

Quote from: Indolent Reader on June 22, 2006, 04:31:02 PM
My poop story involved a two-year-old "decorating" a new couch.  Not even in the same ballpark.

Also, in college, there was a fellow in my dorm known as the "Mad &*#%%er".  He would strike late at night, in very unlikely places (girls' bathroom sink, RA's doorstep, vending machine slot, etc....).  His greatest act involved pooping in the microwave in the common area, and then turning it on. 

They say if the wind is blowing the right way, you can still smell it today....

I think every school has one of those.  Ours somehow managed to get a huge turd on a fireplace mantle in the middle of a party.  God, I envy him.

In the span of one week, we've had The Single Greatest Thread Ever, and now, The Shittiest Thread Ever.

Thanks, Karry!

I'm late to the party, Apex that was so fucking awesome. I am in your debt.

Funny you should ask.  Pepe's over in Germany, hanging with his buds from down under.

(http://www.desipio.com/images/pepe-worldcup1.jpg)

(http://www.desipio.com/images/pepe-worldcup2.jpg)

Apex, I gotta tip my hat. That was the funniest fucking thing I've ever read in my (too) significant time reading this board.

A truly magnificent example of vivid, real-life storytelling.

If Reader's Digest would only loosen up a bit, as far as its editorial standards regarding bodily functions are concerned, it could be one of their "True Life Stories" along the lines of a backpacker trapped under a fallen sequoia who escapes, then saves nine orphans from drowning in a nearby lake, using only two yards of twine and a badger carcass.

Apex, send that one into Maxim or any of the "lad mags". Guarantee you make a couple bucks.

To hell with Maxim and Reader's Digest. This story belongs right where it is, on the only Web site I'll ever need.

Interesting thought though: If and when we actually have this Elimination Party, I'll try to get Kevin to ride up with me. You think you're laughing now, my chums, but you haven't seen or heard shit yet. You let him tell it himself and see if you miss my literary embellishments one iota. I bet my car you won't.

Quote from: Apex on June 23, 2006, 08:46:43 AM
To hell with Maxim and Reader's Digest. This story belongs right where it is, on the only Web site I'll ever need.

Interesting thought though: If and when we actually have this Elimination Party, I'll try to get Kevin to ride up with me. You think you're laughing now, my chums, but you haven't seen or heard shit yet. You let him tell it himself and see if you miss my literary embellishments one iota. I bet my car you won't.

Literally?

Oh, yes. Kevin likes to use props when he tells stories. It makes for vivid, real-life storytelling!

Great.  I'll bring the toilet brush.

Quote from: Huey on June 23, 2006, 09:11:27 AM
Great.  I'll bring the toilet brush.

And I will shrink wrap my furniture and my dog.

Quote from: Bad Kermit on June 23, 2006, 09:16:02 AM

Quote from: Huey on June 23, 2006, 09:11:27 AM
Great.  I'll bring the toilet brush.

And I will shrink wrap my furniture and my dog.

I'll bring the piss pucks.

Quote from: CPT on June 23, 2006, 09:20:18 AM

Quote from: Bad Kermit on June 23, 2006, 09:16:02 AM

Quote from: Huey on June 23, 2006, 09:11:27 AM
Great.  I'll bring the toilet brush.

And I will shrink wrap my furniture and my dog.

I'll bring the piss pucks.

I'll bring the hazmat suits

Quote from: berserker on June 23, 2006, 10:00:45 AM

Quote from: CPT on June 23, 2006, 09:20:18 AM

Quote from: Bad Kermit on June 23, 2006, 09:16:02 AM

Quote from: Huey on June 23, 2006, 09:11:27 AM
Great.  I'll bring the toilet brush.

And I will shrink wrap my furniture and my dog.

I'll bring the piss pucks.

I'll bring the hazmat suits

Can we play poo dollar? Poo pay phone? The Poo Times? Oh yes, these games are glorious.

Quote from: Slaky311 on June 23, 2006, 10:28:42 AM

Quote from: berserker on June 23, 2006, 10:00:45 AM

Quote from: CPT on June 23, 2006, 09:20:18 AM

Quote from: Bad Kermit on June 23, 2006, 09:16:02 AM

Quote from: Huey on June 23, 2006, 09:11:27 AM
Great.  I'll bring the toilet brush.

And I will shrink wrap my furniture and my dog.

I'll bring the piss pucks.

I'll bring the hazmat suits

Can we play poo dollar? Poo pay phone? The Poo Times? Oh yes, these games are glorious.

Let's invite DFB, and get some Shineola, and see if he can actually tell the difference.

Edited out my dyslexia[/i]

You mean DFB, right? DBF is better known for being good-looking than for being stupid.

You realize if Paul/J.C./God still reads this board, this party is going to have to be on double-secret probation, lest no one else gets laid that night.

Quote from: Bad Kermit on June 23, 2006, 10:48:52 AM
You realize if Paul/J.C./God still reads this board, this party is going to have to be on double-secret probation, lest no one else gets laid that night.

He could fuck six chicks with his six dicks. At the same time.

Slaky, do you know how many times I've almost said "Oh rly?" to my wife in the past week?  That freaking avatar kills me.

Quote from: Bad Kermit on June 23, 2006, 10:56:28 AM
Slaky, do you know how many times I've almost said "Oh rly?" to my wife in the past week?  That freaking avatar kills me.

I only wish Paul was still here to tell us how many years behind we are on this internet phenomenon. Who cares, I get a kick out of it. But then again, I killed most of my brain cells last night breaking in the new beer pong beirut and flippy cup taps table last night. I am not to be trusted.

Quote from: Slaky311 on June 23, 2006, 10:57:21 AM

Quote from: Bad Kermit on June 23, 2006, 10:56:28 AM
Slaky, do you know how many times I've almost said "Oh rly?" to my wife in the past week?  That freaking avatar kills me.

I only wish Paul was still here to tell us how many years behind we are on this internet phenomenon. Who cares, I get a kick out of it. But then again, I killed most of my brain cells last night breaking in the new beer pong beirut and flippy cup taps table last night. I am not to be trusted.

this may sound silly, but you guys would never laugh at me.  i'd never seen that avatar/pic either, and i'm wondering, is there anything to that picture other than it just being a funny picture?  you mention it being an ancient internet phenomenon, so i don't know if there's a backstory or something.

i'd google it or something, but my internet browser refuses to go anywhere but "the only site i'll ever need"

I'd never seen it until this site, either.  That either makes me a huge loser, or very cool.  Or maybe somewhere in the middle.

I'd never seen it before and I'm sorry that I did.  I hate it.  I wanna extinctify those birds, yo. 

It's in the Fark forums a lot.  Then again, anything remotely funny once is there a lot.

Quote from: Slaky311 on June 23, 2006, 10:52:33 AM

Quote from: Bad Kermit on June 23, 2006, 10:48:52 AM
You realize if Paul/J.C./God still reads this board, this party is going to have to be on double-secret probation, lest no one else gets laid that night.

He could f@#$ six chicks with his six dicks. At the same time.

Actually, that would make the party swing. Be kinda like having one of those guys who spins plates on dowels.

Quote from: berserker on June 23, 2006, 11:40:54 AM

Quote from: Slaky311 on June 23, 2006, 10:52:33 AM

Quote from: Bad Kermit on June 23, 2006, 10:48:52 AM
You realize if Paul/J.C./God still reads this board, this party is going to have to be on double-secret probation, lest no one else gets laid that night.

He could f@#$ six chicks with his six dicks. At the same time.

Actually, that would make the party swing. Be kinda like having one of those guys who spins plates on dowels.

Split the difference and have Paul spin six plates.

Quote from: Bad Kermit on June 23, 2006, 11:42:45 AM

Quote from: berserker on June 23, 2006, 11:40:54 AM

Quote from: Slaky311 on June 23, 2006, 10:52:33 AM

Quote from: Bad Kermit on June 23, 2006, 10:48:52 AM
You realize if Paul/J.C./God still reads this board, this party is going to have to be on double-secret probation, lest no one else gets laid that night.

He could f@#$ six chicks with his six dicks. At the same time.

Actually, that would make the party swing. Be kinda like having one of those guys who spins plates on dowels.

Split the difference and have Paul spin six plates.

And put "Sabre Dance" on the stereo, so we'd have the plate-spinning music they always used to use on Ed Sullivan

Quote from: Apex on June 22, 2006, 03:45:09 PM
I know a guy who goes about 6-3, 250 named Kev. He's a funny bastard and good to have at parties as he can drink like most mortal men under the table and still find time to get out the guitar and make up derogatory songs about you. Anyway that's Kev.

But the reason why he's on this thread is because of a story he relayed to us a few weeks back concerning his pooping exploits. Big guy like that, who drinks a lot can obviously shit some real screamers and such.

OK, so Kevin started dating his wife about two years ago and when they first started hitting it off she was staying in a small studio apartment with just one bathroom. And Kev, he of the rotton asshole and massive log stacking abilities was terrified of dropping a deuce so as to peal the paint off walls and derail their romance as it was just starting to get rolling. He'd take trips to the gas station under the auspices of "getting cigarettes" making sure to run out at the approriate times. It was working for awhile too.

But the two love birds went on a long weekend trip to some odd place and stayed in a motel room and Kev again got scared and held his shit for a full day or two. Then came a long car ride back home and he couldn't even bring himself to let the farts slip out surrounding the brown glacier forming in his bowels so the compression was getting to his stomach you can imagine.

And he finally made it back to her house, he said, and after touching cloth for several hours and having the gas pushing the mammoth thing to the forefront he couldn't wait anymore. He couldn't go to the gas station either because he knew he'd never make it without sharting. It was go time. So Kevin sat down and gave birth to a five pound alien with wings, claws and razor-sharp fangs. The smell, he said would knock a fly off a shit wagon but the more pressing issue was whether his still-born bundle of misery would make it down the hatch with a mere flush of the overmatched john.

He didn't even bother with TP at this juncture. No more need to gum up the system any worse. So he pulled the handle and tensely watched the evil bastard swirl around in the bowl like a floating duck from Henry Burris. And no dice. The thing was lodged hopelessy in the bottom hole. He didn't dare flush again because an overflow of this toxic brownish water would be even further insult. But worse than all that was the lack of a plunger in this woman's bathroom. A small, dainty sort, she probably never stopped up the toilet or considered it likely to happen. So what was our hero to do? He tried hard not to panic but he heard a knock on the door. Her: "Kevin, is everything ok in there?"

"Uh, sure babe. I'm just fine. No problem."

Out of desperation, Kevin  searched for a weapon to subdue the beast. He found only the plastic brush that his sweetie used to clean this mortally choking basin. Kevin grabbed the brush and plunged the bristled end deep into the valley of death. He stabbed, he jabbed, he twisted, he stuffed. But the job was too big and the muck he'd shoved downward into the pipes had only gotten lodged deeper than before. And still worse, the brush was stuck down into the hole. In a panicked rush, Kevin yanked the brush back toward him and in doing so brought a third of his bileous antagonist flying right into his face. He said he had it on his nose, his lips, his eyelids, in his HAIR! But at least that final thrust had broken up the giant turd so that it  released the water from the bowl and could be broken further and then sunk completely at last.

His relief was still a long time hence. his shirt was ruined, his face needed a prodigious scrubbing and his hair... this dude needed a shower. He hopped in and took the brush with him so that he could somehow rinse out its shit-caked bristles. No luck, the stain was going to set permanently. Kevin said he got out of the shower, put his shirt and the brush in the trash, removed the bag, tied it and ran out of the apartment to the dumpster to dispose of the evidence.

Luckily he had just returned from vacation and did have a change of clothes. The funniest part about this story, besides the crazed look in his eyes when he expressed the real fear gripping him throughout the entire episode was the fact that his wife was standing next to him when he told it, laughing as hard as any one of us. Ahhhh, true love.  

Bump. Because I said so.

Day off today?

Quote from: Eli on May 28, 2008, 02:29:43 PM
Day off today?

Stomach virus.

Quote from: ~Apex on May 28, 2008, 02:34:05 PM

Quote from: Eli on May 28, 2008, 02:29:43 PM
Day off today?

Stomach virus.

Then poop chat seems like a fitting topic, I suppose.

This classic scat post from JD is also worth revisiting.

QuoteI just had the elusive no-wiper dump.  Well, I mean, there's at least one wipe to see that you don't HAVE to wipe, of course.  I'm not nasty, yo.  BUT, get this, I had a 2-wiper, no-wiper dump.  That's right.  I had to check TWICE because I just didn't believe the first clean one.  Why?  Well, I'll tell ya anyway.  It's because I pinched it off early on in the dumping.  And it was STILL clean.  Pretty awesome, right?  Yeah, I know it is.  When the lead turd was half-way out, I sneezed which caused the pinching.  I was pretty disappointed  because I didn't wanna spend all day tryin' to get all that stuff off my booty.  I dropped 2 1/2 more medium sized turds in the bowl and disgustedly tore off some TP.  After having pinched, then you can just imagine my surprise when the TP came back in much the same condition as when it when down there.  I thought that I must have poop marks all over the outside of my booty.  Oh, how humiliating.  And time consuming.  Now, more than ever.  Well, I go back down there and wipe the entire butt area.  I could tell during that process even, that this, too, would come back untainted(no pun intended, but I checked that area, too).  Oh, yeah, that TP came back clean, baby.  Well, there was a butt hair on it, but that doesn't count.  I've never had that happen to me before and I just wanted to share it.  I also don't think I've ever had a post this long before.  There was actually a lot more anticipation and rejoicing at the end, but I didn't feel like typing anymore.  My day is all downhill from here.  I mean, ya quit climbin' once ya hit the peak, right?

Quote from: ~Apex on May 28, 2008, 02:28:30 PM
Bump. Because I said so.

I don't know how I missed this the first time around, but it makes for some awesome reading on a slow day at work.

(http://img181.imageshack.us/img181/3333/sealxp3.gif)

Quote from: ChuckDickens on May 28, 2008, 02:43:42 PM
(http://img181.imageshack.us/img181/3333/sealxp3.gif)

When did Albie get a scar?

Bump.  Because some threads are worth bumping.

Quote from: Internet Apex on May 28, 2008, 02:34:05 PM

Quote from: Eli on May 28, 2008, 02:29:43 PM
Day off today?

Stomach virus.

I find it terrifying that the last time this thread was bumped, I got fired for missing three days with a stomach virus. Fuck my old jorb in the tonsils with Kevin's wife's toilet brush.

Quote from: Internet Apex on January 29, 2010, 11:28:25 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on May 28, 2008, 02:34:05 PM

Quote from: Eli on May 28, 2008, 02:29:43 PM
Day off today?

Stomach virus.

I find it terrifying that the last time this thread was bumped, I got fired for missing three days with a stomach virus. Fuck my old jorb in the tonsils with Kevin's wife's toilet brush.

You got fired for missing 3 days sick? You must have been the most important cog in the wheel.

Quote from: BH on January 29, 2010, 11:30:45 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on January 29, 2010, 11:28:25 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on May 28, 2008, 02:34:05 PM

Quote from: Eli on May 28, 2008, 02:29:43 PM
Day off today?

Stomach virus.

I find it terrifying that the last time this thread was bumped, I got fired for missing three days with a stomach virus. Fuck my old jorb in the tonsils with Kevin's wife's toilet brush.

You got fired for missing 3 days sick? You must have been the most important cog in the wheel.

At-will employment.  America's bane.

Quote from: Gilgamesh on January 29, 2010, 11:37:24 AM

Quote from: BH on January 29, 2010, 11:30:45 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on January 29, 2010, 11:28:25 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on May 28, 2008, 02:34:05 PM

Quote from: Eli on May 28, 2008, 02:29:43 PM
Day off today?

Stomach virus.

I find it terrifying that the last time this thread was bumped, I got fired for missing three days with a stomach virus. Fuck my old jorb in the tonsils with Kevin's wife's toilet brush.

You got fired for missing 3 days sick? You must have been the most important cog in the wheel.

At-will employment.  America's bane.

Or not.

Quote from: Brownie on January 29, 2010, 11:56:26 AM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on January 29, 2010, 11:37:24 AM

Quote from: BH on January 29, 2010, 11:30:45 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on January 29, 2010, 11:28:25 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on May 28, 2008, 02:34:05 PM

Quote from: Eli on May 28, 2008, 02:29:43 PM
Day off today?

Stomach virus.

I find it terrifying that the last time this thread was bumped, I got fired for missing three days with a stomach virus. Fuck my old jorb in the tonsils with Kevin's wife's toilet brush.

You got fired for missing 3 days sick? You must have been the most important cog in the wheel.

At-will employment.  America's bane.

Or not.

Montana's doing pretty well without it.

Quote from: Gilgamesh on January 29, 2010, 12:05:10 PM

Quote from: Brownie on January 29, 2010, 11:56:26 AM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on January 29, 2010, 11:37:24 AM

Quote from: BH on January 29, 2010, 11:30:45 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on January 29, 2010, 11:28:25 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on May 28, 2008, 02:34:05 PM

Quote from: Eli on May 28, 2008, 02:29:43 PM
Day off today?

Stomach virus.

I find it terrifying that the last time this thread was bumped, I got fired for missing three days with a stomach virus. Fuck my old jorb in the tonsils with Kevin's wife's toilet brush.

You got fired for missing 3 days sick? You must have been the most important cog in the wheel.

At-will employment.  America's bane.

Or not.

Montana's doing pretty well without it.

[Fork]

(http://www.americanroundup.com/Images/Montana/Montana%20map.jpg)

[/Fork]

Quote from: Kermit IV on January 29, 2010, 12:15:50 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on January 29, 2010, 12:05:10 PM

Quote from: Brownie on January 29, 2010, 11:56:26 AM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on January 29, 2010, 11:37:24 AM

Quote from: BH on January 29, 2010, 11:30:45 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on January 29, 2010, 11:28:25 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on May 28, 2008, 02:34:05 PM

Quote from: Eli on May 28, 2008, 02:29:43 PM
Day off today?

Stomach virus.

I find it terrifying that the last time this thread was bumped, I got fired for missing three days with a stomach virus. Fuck my old jorb in the tonsils with Kevin's wife's toilet brush.

You got fired for missing 3 days sick? You must have been the most important cog in the wheel.

At-will employment.  America's bane.

Or not.

Montana's doing pretty well without it.

[Fork]

(http://www.americanroundup.com/Images/Montana/Montana%20map.jpg)

[/Fork]

At Apex's request, I reluctantly stop the embryonic discussion on at-will employment in this thread.

Quote from: Kermit IV on January 29, 2010, 12:15:50 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on January 29, 2010, 12:05:10 PM

Quote from: Brownie on January 29, 2010, 11:56:26 AM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on January 29, 2010, 11:37:24 AM

Quote from: BH on January 29, 2010, 11:30:45 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on January 29, 2010, 11:28:25 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on May 28, 2008, 02:34:05 PM

Quote from: Eli on May 28, 2008, 02:29:43 PM
Day off today?

Stomach virus.

I find it terrifying that the last time this thread was bumped, I got fired for missing three days with a stomach virus. Fuck my old jorb in the tonsils with Kevin's wife's toilet brush.

You got fired for missing 3 days sick? You must have been the most important cog in the wheel.

At-will employment.  America's bane.

Or not.

Montana's doing pretty well without it.

[Fork]

(http://www.americanroundup.com/Images/Montana/Montana%20map.jpg)

[/Fork]

Even as a Fork joke, I don't get it.

Quote from: CT III on January 29, 2010, 12:22:40 PM

Quote from: Kermit IV on January 29, 2010, 12:15:50 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on January 29, 2010, 12:05:10 PM

Quote from: Brownie on January 29, 2010, 11:56:26 AM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on January 29, 2010, 11:37:24 AM

Quote from: BH on January 29, 2010, 11:30:45 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on January 29, 2010, 11:28:25 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on May 28, 2008, 02:34:05 PM

Quote from: Eli on May 28, 2008, 02:29:43 PM
Day off today?

Stomach virus.

I find it terrifying that the last time this thread was bumped, I got fired for missing three days with a stomach virus. Fuck my old jorb in the tonsils with Kevin's wife's toilet brush.

You got fired for missing 3 days sick? You must have been the most important cog in the wheel.

At-will employment.  America's bane.

Or not.

Montana's doing pretty well without it.

[Fork]

(http://www.americanroundup.com/Images/Montana/Montana%20map.jpg)

[/Fork]

Even as a Fork joke, I don't get it.

I'm baffled.

To get this thread back on track, I offer this tale.

I was feeling the urge to poop yesterday while at work.  It felt like a whopper, so I saved it for the afternoon to savor the flavor.  Nevertheless, when I did get around to the act, at about 3 pm, something unusual happened.  It was a curious poop. It was about a 10 or 11 incher, which was solid, but the interesting element was that half of it appeared rocky and bumpy, but the other half was smooth and silky, like soft serve ice cream.

Clean sweep, though.

DPD, the joint between the smooth part and the rocky, bumpy part of the poop looked like the joint between the main body of a King Crab and the leg itself.

c.f. (http://www.tonkaseafoods.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/melissa-crab-2.jpg)

Quote from: Gilgamesh on January 29, 2010, 12:54:13 PM
Clean sweep, though.

PROVE IT!

 When does information become too much information? 

Quote from: CBStew on January 29, 2010, 01:15:32 PM
When does information become too much information? 

I'm pretty sure you're not new here.

Hello friends!

I have an alert set up so that when anybody bumps this thread I get a fax!  I'd have known hours earlier if I had put paper in the fax machine.  Or plugged it in.

Or turned it on.

Anyway, because I know you are wondering.

I did already today.

Looked like pea soup.

Quote from: Oleg on January 29, 2010, 01:17:13 PM

Quote from: CBStew on January 29, 2010, 01:15:32 PM
When does information become too much information? 

I'm pretty sure you're not new here.

If it had come out looking like Richard Nixon that would have been worth posting.

Quote from: Oleg on January 29, 2010, 01:17:13 PM

Quote from: CBStew on January 29, 2010, 01:15:32 PM
When does information become too much information? 

I'm pretty sure you're not new here.

I'm pretty sure Stew's not new anywhere.

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on January 29, 2010, 01:23:54 PM

Quote from: Oleg on January 29, 2010, 01:17:13 PM

Quote from: CBStew on January 29, 2010, 01:15:32 PM
When does information become too much information? 

I'm pretty sure you're not new here.

I'm pretty sure Stew's not new anywhere.

Again with the old jokes.

Quote from: CBStew on January 29, 2010, 01:27:13 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on January 29, 2010, 01:23:54 PM

Quote from: Oleg on January 29, 2010, 01:17:13 PM

Quote from: CBStew on January 29, 2010, 01:15:32 PM
When does information become too much information? 

I'm pretty sure you're not new here.

I'm pretty sure Stew's not new anywhere.

Again with the old jokes.

You new here?

Quote from: Jon on January 29, 2010, 12:48:08 PM

Quote from: CT III on January 29, 2010, 12:22:40 PM

Quote from: Kermit IV on January 29, 2010, 12:15:50 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on January 29, 2010, 12:05:10 PM

Quote from: Brownie on January 29, 2010, 11:56:26 AM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on January 29, 2010, 11:37:24 AM

Quote from: BH on January 29, 2010, 11:30:45 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on January 29, 2010, 11:28:25 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on May 28, 2008, 02:34:05 PM

Quote from: Eli on May 28, 2008, 02:29:43 PM
Day off today?

Stomach virus.

I find it terrifying that the last time this thread was bumped, I got fired for missing three days with a stomach virus. Fuck my old jorb in the tonsils with Kevin's wife's toilet brush.

You got fired for missing 3 days sick? You must have been the most important cog in the wheel.

At-will employment.  America's bane.

Or not.

Montana's doing pretty well without it.

[Fork]

(http://www.americanroundup.com/Images/Montana/Montana%20map.jpg)

[/Fork]

Even as a Fork joke, I don't get it.

I'm baffled.

If I have to explain the explanation, then it's not much of a Fork joke.  Or is it TOO MUCH of a Fork joke?

Quote from: Kermit IV on January 29, 2010, 01:43:29 PM
If I have to explain the explanation, then it's not much of a Fork joke.  Or is it TOO MUCH of a Fork joke?

I think if extensive explanation is required, it's probably a Chuck.

But, whatever it is... cut it out!

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on January 29, 2010, 01:50:22 PM

Quote from: Kermit IV on January 29, 2010, 01:43:29 PM
If I have to explain the explanation, then it's not much of a Fork joke.  Or is it TOO MUCH of a Fork joke?

I think if extensive explanation is required, it's probably a Chuck.

But, whatever it is... cut it out!

What's a TDubbs?  If I just mash my fists against the keyboard?

Quote from: Kermit IV on January 29, 2010, 01:52:51 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on January 29, 2010, 01:50:22 PM

Quote from: Kermit IV on January 29, 2010, 01:43:29 PM
If I have to explain the explanation, then it's not much of a Fork joke.  Or is it TOO MUCH of a Fork joke?

I think if extensive explanation is required, it's probably a Chuck.

But, whatever it is... cut it out!

What's a TDubbs?  If I just mash my fists against the keyboard?

That's more like an Apex. A TDubbs would almost have to offend a non-white in some trashy, unfunny way.

Quote from: Internet Apex on January 29, 2010, 01:54:14 PM

Quote from: Kermit IV on January 29, 2010, 01:52:51 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on January 29, 2010, 01:50:22 PM

Quote from: Kermit IV on January 29, 2010, 01:43:29 PM
If I have to explain the explanation, then it's not much of a Fork joke.  Or is it TOO MUCH of a Fork joke?

I think if extensive explanation is required, it's probably a Chuck.

But, whatever it is... cut it out!

What's a TDubbs?  If I just mash my fists against the keyboard?

That's more like an Apex. A TDubbs would almost have to offend a non-white in some trashy, unfunny way.

We get it, you think you're black and date an asian, so you're not racist.  And I hate everything other than whites, so I am.

Quote from: Richard Chuggar on January 29, 2010, 02:12:05 PM

Quote from: Internet Apex on January 29, 2010, 01:54:14 PM

Quote from: Kermit IV on January 29, 2010, 01:52:51 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on January 29, 2010, 01:50:22 PM

Quote from: Kermit IV on January 29, 2010, 01:43:29 PM
If I have to explain the explanation, then it's not much of a Fork joke.  Or is it TOO MUCH of a Fork joke?

I think if extensive explanation is required, it's probably a Chuck.

But, whatever it is... cut it out!

What's a TDubbs?  If I just mash my fists against the keyboard?

That's more like an Apex. A TDubbs would almost have to offend a non-white in some trashy, unfunny way.

We get it, you think you're black and date an asian, so you're not racist.  And I hate everything other than whites, so I am.

You're half-right.

Quote from: Internet Apex on January 29, 2010, 02:27:57 PM

Quote from: Richard Chuggar on January 29, 2010, 02:12:05 PM

Quote from: Internet Apex on January 29, 2010, 01:54:14 PM

Quote from: Kermit IV on January 29, 2010, 01:52:51 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on January 29, 2010, 01:50:22 PM

Quote from: Kermit IV on January 29, 2010, 01:43:29 PM
If I have to explain the explanation, then it's not much of a Fork joke.  Or is it TOO MUCH of a Fork joke?

I think if extensive explanation is required, it's probably a Chuck.

But, whatever it is... cut it out!

What's a TDubbs?  If I just mash my fists against the keyboard?

That's more like an Apex. A TDubbs would almost have to offend a non-white in some trashy, unfunny way.

We get it, you think you're black and date an asian, so you're not racist.  And I hate everything other than whites, so I am.

You're half-right.

Which for TDubbs is a new record.

Quote from: Gilgamesh on January 29, 2010, 12:54:13 PM
To get this thread back on track, I offer this tale.

I was feeling the urge to poop yesterday while at work.  It felt like a whopper, so I saved it for the afternoon to savor the flavor.  Nevertheless, when I did get around to the act, at about 3 pm, something unusual happened.  It was a curious poop. It was about a 10 or 11 incher, which was solid, but the interesting element was that half of it appeared rocky and bumpy, but the other half was smooth and silky, like soft serve ice cream.

Clean sweep, though.

Did you make one of the girls wipe your  a$$ with your dollar bills, big spender?

Quote from: BH on January 29, 2010, 02:38:05 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on January 29, 2010, 12:54:13 PM
To get this thread back on track, I offer this tale.

I was feeling the urge to poop yesterday while at work.  It felt like a whopper, so I saved it for the afternoon to savor the flavor.  Nevertheless, when I did get around to the act, at about 3 pm, something unusual happened.  It was a curious poop. It was about a 10 or 11 incher, which was solid, but the interesting element was that half of it appeared rocky and bumpy, but the other half was smooth and silky, like soft serve ice cream.

Clean sweep, though.

Did you make one of the girls wipe your  a$$ with your dollar bills, big spender?

LA Gil's not in right now.

He's off lunching on king crab while getting a lap dance.

The only person getting screwed here, though, is you, Joe Taxpayer.

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on January 29, 2010, 03:15:17 PM

Quote from: BH on January 29, 2010, 02:38:05 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on January 29, 2010, 12:54:13 PM
To get this thread back on track, I offer this tale.

I was feeling the urge to poop yesterday while at work.  It felt like a whopper, so I saved it for the afternoon to savor the flavor.  Nevertheless, when I did get around to the act, at about 3 pm, something unusual happened.  It was a curious poop. It was about a 10 or 11 incher, which was solid, but the interesting element was that half of it appeared rocky and bumpy, but the other half was smooth and silky, like soft serve ice cream.

Clean sweep, though.

Did you make one of the girls wipe your  a$$ with your dollar bills, big spender?

LA Gil's not in right now.

He's off lunching on king crab while getting a lap dance.

The only person getting screwed here, though, is you, Joe Taxpayer.

You know, reading the description makes it sound much much worse than it actually was.

But I enjoyed myself.

And, for the record, I kept my time there to my designated one hour lunch break.  So, suck it, Joe Taxpayer.

Quote from: Tinker to Evers to Chance on January 29, 2010, 01:08:17 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on January 29, 2010, 12:54:13 PM
Clean sweep, though.

PROVE IT!

I'm sure these folks (http://www.drnatura.com/picture_gallery.php) could explain that texture issue.

[Forkzinger]
It's easy to make Montana the Butte of the joke?
[/Forkzung]

(http://i45.tinypic.com/k1vp6x.jpg)(http://i50.tinypic.com/293dimq.jpg)

Quote from: CT III on January 29, 2010, 12:22:40 PM

Quote from: Kermit IV on January 29, 2010, 12:15:50 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on January 29, 2010, 12:05:10 PM

Quote from: Brownie on January 29, 2010, 11:56:26 AM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on January 29, 2010, 11:37:24 AM

Quote from: BH on January 29, 2010, 11:30:45 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on January 29, 2010, 11:28:25 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on May 28, 2008, 02:34:05 PM

Quote from: Eli on May 28, 2008, 02:29:43 PM
Day off today?

Stomach virus.

I find it terrifying that the last time this thread was bumped, I got fired for missing three days with a stomach virus. Fuck my old jorb in the tonsils with Kevin's wife's toilet brush.

You got fired for missing 3 days sick? You must have been the most important cog in the wheel.

At-will employment.  America's bane.

Or not.

Montana's doing pretty well without it.

[Fork]

(http://www.americanroundup.com/Images/Montana/Montana%20map.jpg)

[/Fork]

Even as a Fork joke, I don't get it.

Me either.

bump.

For posterity. (http://www.desipio.com/messageboard/index.php?topic=7219.msg206098#msg206098)