Desipio Message Board

Quote from: Yeti on February 15, 2010, 06:43:00 PM
I stand.. I don't feel like getting my hand close to a pool of shit.

Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 07:09:58 PM
I stand and wipe from back to front.

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 15, 2010, 06:47:02 PM

Quote from: Yeti on February 15, 2010, 06:43:00 PM
I stand.. I don't feel like getting my hand close to a pool of shit.

But your asshole stays above the rim the whole time. There should be clearance enough for even the least coordinated among us to not have to worry about dragging a knuckle through the muck.

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 15, 2010, 07:22:19 PM

Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 07:09:58 PM
I stand and wipe from back to front.

Wait... Does this mean you wipe from the front with a back-to-front pull motion?

Quote from: Wheezer on February 15, 2010, 07:24:06 PM
I take it you people have giant toilets, as befit good burghers.

Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 07:27:33 PM
Behind the back, all the way. Just like Bob Cousy.

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 15, 2010, 07:34:10 PM

Quote from: Wheezer on February 15, 2010, 07:24:06 PM
I take it you people have giant toilets, as befit good burghers.

If anything, my toilet at home is a tad undersized. Doesn't mean I'm flouncing around like some fancy LA dandy.

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 15, 2010, 07:34:10 PM
BTW... I recall reading the results of a survey from this book (http://www.researchpubs.com/books/bodtoc.php) a while back (probably "People, Places, and Pinching (Survey) What is a Loaf?") that had percentages on stuff like back- vs. front-wipers. This would probably be illuminating on this topic, but I can't seem to find it anywhere at present.

I suppose I may have thumbed through a print edition at some point, rather than reading it online.

Quote
Do you wipe front to back (i.e. bottom to top), back to front, or just back and forth? Do you reach around behind your back or reach through between your legs?

44% say they wipe front to back from around behind their backs. 11% say they wipe back to front between their legs/ 6% go back to front from behind their backs, and 4%, all women, go front to back between their legs. 2% say they go back and forth (!) from behind their backs.

Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 07:59:52 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 15, 2010, 07:34:10 PM
BTW... I recall reading the results of a survey from this book (http://www.researchpubs.com/books/bodtoc.php) a while back (probably "People, Places, and Pinching (Survey) What is a Loaf?") that had percentages on stuff like back- vs. front-wipers. This would probably be illuminating on this topic, but I can't seem to find it anywhere at present.

I suppose I may have thumbed through a print edition at some point, rather than reading it online.

Via an Amazon preview (http://www.amazon.com/RE-Search-Guide-Bodily-Fluids/dp/1890451045#reader_1890451045) and hereby retyped for internet posterity:

Quote
Do you wipe front to back (i.e. bottom to top), back to front, or just back and forth? Do you reach around behind your back or reach through between your legs?

44% say they wipe front to back from around behind their backs. 11% say they wipe back to front between their legs/ 6% go back to front from behind their backs, and 4%, all women, go front to back between their legs. 2% say they go back and forth (!) from behind their backs.

No data on the highly effective (although extremely difficult) twin towelette pincer maneuver. Not for the faint of heart. Or you middle American plebes.

QuoteDo you stand to wipe or remain seated and lean over?

72 of the 106 respondents were asked this question. Of that group, 58%, mostly women, say they remain seated, while 25%, mostly men, say they stand. 3% say they squat or "semi-stand," 1% say they bend slightly, and 1% say they do both: "Usually remain seated unless it's a heavy job."

Quote from: Day Man on February 15, 2010, 08:34:03 PM
Deja vu. (http://deadspin.com/5424415/sitters-vs-standers--the-great-wipe-hope)

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 15, 2010, 08:15:09 PM

Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 07:59:52 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 15, 2010, 07:34:10 PM
BTW... I recall reading the results of a survey from this book (http://www.researchpubs.com/books/bodtoc.php) a while back (probably "People, Places, and Pinching (Survey) What is a Loaf?") that had percentages on stuff like back- vs. front-wipers. This would probably be illuminating on this topic, but I can't seem to find it anywhere at present.

I suppose I may have thumbed through a print edition at some point, rather than reading it online.

Via an Amazon preview (http://www.amazon.com/RE-Search-Guide-Bodily-Fluids/dp/1890451045#reader_1890451045) and hereby retyped for internet posterity:

Quote
Do you wipe front to back (i.e. bottom to top), back to front, or just back and forth? Do you reach around behind your back or reach through between your legs?

44% say they wipe front to back from around behind their backs. 11% say they wipe back to front between their legs/ 6% go back to front from behind their backs, and 4%, all women, go front to back between their legs. 2% say they go back and forth (!) from behind their backs.

No data on the highly effective (although extremely difficult) twin towelette pincer maneuver. Not for the faint of heart. Or you middle American plebes.

Aha...

QuoteDo you stand to wipe or remain seated and lean over?

72 of the 106 respondents were asked this question. Of that group, 58%, mostly women, say they remain seated, while 25%, mostly men, say they stand. 3% say they squat or "semi-stand," 1% say they bend slightly, and 1% say they do both: "Usually remain seated unless it's a heavy job."

I'd like to see gender splits on this (more specific than "mostly").

This could just as easily mean 'men are split 50-50 sit-stand while women are close to 100% sit' as it could mean 'most men stand.'

Where's the rigor, RE/Search?

Quote from: CBStew on February 15, 2010, 08:57:21 PM
and this is a topic because...

Quote from: Day Man on February 15, 2010, 08:34:03 PM
Deja vu. (http://deadspin.com/5424415/sitters-vs-standers--the-great-wipe-hope)

QuoteYet another person checking in about standing to wipe. I think I do it solely because I am terrified of touching my shit iceberg with my hand if I wipe while sitting.

QuoteIn any case, most of the time, your stool shouldn't float. In fact, as strange as it may seem sometimes we ask patients that very question: "Does your stool float or sink?" Patients look at doctors as though they've lost their mind when this question is asked, but the question has a purpose: If your stool floats, it may have too much fat in it, which may mean that you're not absorbing enough fat, which can be a sign of pancreatic or biliar disease. It could also mean that you're not absorbing the nutrients other than fat in your food, thus letting more nutrient- or fat-rich material reach the colon, where your friendly neighborhood commensal bacteria feast on it, producing--you guessed it-- gas bubbles in the stool. These gas bubbles make the resultant stool less dense overall and thus more likely to float! Indeed the proverbial floating poop can be a sign of celiac sprue, cystic fibrosis, biliary disease resulting in inadequate bile flow to the bowel, or GI infections.

Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 08:58:24 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 15, 2010, 08:15:09 PM

Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 07:59:52 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 15, 2010, 07:34:10 PM
BTW... I recall reading the results of a survey from this book (http://www.researchpubs.com/books/bodtoc.php) a while back (probably "People, Places, and Pinching (Survey) What is a Loaf?") that had percentages on stuff like back- vs. front-wipers. This would probably be illuminating on this topic, but I can't seem to find it anywhere at present.

I suppose I may have thumbed through a print edition at some point, rather than reading it online.

Via an Amazon preview (http://www.amazon.com/RE-Search-Guide-Bodily-Fluids/dp/1890451045#reader_1890451045) and hereby retyped for internet posterity:

Quote
Do you wipe front to back (i.e. bottom to top), back to front, or just back and forth? Do you reach around behind your back or reach through between your legs?

44% say they wipe front to back from around behind their backs. 11% say they wipe back to front between their legs/ 6% go back to front from behind their backs, and 4%, all women, go front to back between their legs. 2% say they go back and forth (!) from behind their backs.

No data on the highly effective (although extremely difficult) twin towelette pincer maneuver. Not for the faint of heart. Or you middle American plebes.

Aha...

QuoteDo you stand to wipe or remain seated and lean over?

72 of the 106 respondents were asked this question. Of that group, 58%, mostly women, say they remain seated, while 25%, mostly men, say they stand. 3% say they squat or "semi-stand," 1% say they bend slightly, and 1% say they do both: "Usually remain seated unless it's a heavy job."

I'd like to see gender splits on this (more specific than "mostly").

This could just as easily mean 'men are split 50-50 sit-stand while women are close to 100% sit' as it could mean 'most men stand.'

Where's the rigor, RE/Search?

Assuming 9% of respondents declined to answer, and "mostly" skews the same way on both splits (e.g. "mostly men" and "mostly women" refer to the same percentage), it should really come down to what the authors mean by the subjective "mostly."

Code Select Expand

Bias M_Sit M_Stand M_Other %Sit %Stand
0.35 9 24 13 19.1% 52.3%
0.30 12 22 12 25.5% 49.2%
0.25 15 21 10 31.9% 46.2%
0.20 17 20 9 38.2% 43.1%
0.15 20 18 7 44.6% 40.0%
0.10 23 17 6 51.0% 36.9%
0.05 26 15 4 57.4% 33.8%
0.00 29 14 3 63.7% 30.8%

The "bias" column refers to the value +/- from the even 50/50 split. The break even point is .175. So if "mostly men/women" is 67.5%, then sitters and standers are equally prevalent among males. If it's 70%, then standers have a slight edge. Vice versa with 65%.

QuoteSit down, stand up
Sit down, stand up
Walk (sit down) into the jaws of hell
Walk (stand up) into the jaws of hell
Anytime (sit down)
Anytime (stand up)
Sit down, stand up
Sit down, stand up
We (stand up) can wipe you out anytime
We (sit down) can wipe you out
Anytime
Anytime
Stand up
Sit down
Oh
The rain drops...

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 15, 2010, 09:15:21 PM

Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 08:58:24 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 15, 2010, 08:15:09 PM

Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 07:59:52 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 15, 2010, 07:34:10 PM
BTW... I recall reading the results of a survey from this book (http://www.researchpubs.com/books/bodtoc.php) a while back (probably "People, Places, and Pinching (Survey) What is a Loaf?") that had percentages on stuff like back- vs. front-wipers. This would probably be illuminating on this topic, but I can't seem to find it anywhere at present.

I suppose I may have thumbed through a print edition at some point, rather than reading it online.

Via an Amazon preview (http://www.amazon.com/RE-Search-Guide-Bodily-Fluids/dp/1890451045#reader_1890451045) and hereby retyped for internet posterity:

Quote
Do you wipe front to back (i.e. bottom to top), back to front, or just back and forth? Do you reach around behind your back or reach through between your legs?

44% say they wipe front to back from around behind their backs. 11% say they wipe back to front between their legs/ 6% go back to front from behind their backs, and 4%, all women, go front to back between their legs. 2% say they go back and forth (!) from behind their backs.

No data on the highly effective (although extremely difficult) twin towelette pincer maneuver. Not for the faint of heart. Or you middle American plebes.

Aha...

QuoteDo you stand to wipe or remain seated and lean over?

72 of the 106 respondents were asked this question. Of that group, 58%, mostly women, say they remain seated, while 25%, mostly men, say they stand. 3% say they squat or "semi-stand," 1% say they bend slightly, and 1% say they do both: "Usually remain seated unless it's a heavy job."

I'd like to see gender splits on this (more specific than "mostly").

This could just as easily mean 'men are split 50-50 sit-stand while women are close to 100% sit' as it could mean 'most men stand.'

Where's the rigor, RE/Search?

Assuming 9% of respondents declined to answer, and "mostly" skews the same way on both splits (e.g. "mostly men" and "mostly women" refer to the same percentage), it should really come down to what the authors mean by the subjective "mostly."

Code Select Expand

Bias M_Sit M_Stand M_Other %Sit %Stand
0.35 9 24 13 19.1% 52.3%
0.30 12 22 12 25.5% 49.2%
0.25 15 21 10 31.9% 46.2%
0.20 17 20 9 38.2% 43.1%
0.15 20 18 7 44.6% 40.0%
0.10 23 17 6 51.0% 36.9%
0.05 26 15 4 57.4% 33.8%
0.00 29 14 3 63.7% 30.8%

The "bias" column refers to the value +/- from the even 50/50 split. The break even point is .175. So if "mostly men/women" is 67.5%, then sitters and standers are equally prevalent among males. If it's 70%, then standers have a slight edge. Vice versa with 65%.

You complete us all, ChuckD.

These numbers seem to be in line with those of other independent observers (see above (http://www.desipio.com/messageboard/index.php?topic=7219.msg205477#msg205477), also here (http://www.icbe.org/2009/12/17/stand-to-wipe-sit-to-wipe/), here (http://forum.ebaumsworld.com/showthread.php?t=296900), here (http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/155505), here (http://www.chacha.com/question/when-you-wipe-your-butt-do-you-stand-up-or-sit-down), here (http://forums.vwvortex.com/zerothread?id=4648588) and here (http://www.howdoyouwipeyourass.com/)), which seem to suggest close to an even split, with perhaps a slight edge (though who knows how statistically significant) towards standing.

Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 09:20:53 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 15, 2010, 09:15:21 PM

Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 08:58:24 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 15, 2010, 08:15:09 PM

Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 07:59:52 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 15, 2010, 07:34:10 PM
BTW... I recall reading the results of a survey from this book (http://www.researchpubs.com/books/bodtoc.php) a while back (probably "People, Places, and Pinching (Survey) What is a Loaf?") that had percentages on stuff like back- vs. front-wipers. This would probably be illuminating on this topic, but I can't seem to find it anywhere at present.

I suppose I may have thumbed through a print edition at some point, rather than reading it online.

Via an Amazon preview (http://www.amazon.com/RE-Search-Guide-Bodily-Fluids/dp/1890451045#reader_1890451045) and hereby retyped for internet posterity:

Quote
Do you wipe front to back (i.e. bottom to top), back to front, or just back and forth? Do you reach around behind your back or reach through between your legs?

44% say they wipe front to back from around behind their backs. 11% say they wipe back to front between their legs/ 6% go back to front from behind their backs, and 4%, all women, go front to back between their legs. 2% say they go back and forth (!) from behind their backs.

No data on the highly effective (although extremely difficult) twin towelette pincer maneuver. Not for the faint of heart. Or you middle American plebes.

Aha...

QuoteDo you stand to wipe or remain seated and lean over?

72 of the 106 respondents were asked this question. Of that group, 58%, mostly women, say they remain seated, while 25%, mostly men, say they stand. 3% say they squat or "semi-stand," 1% say they bend slightly, and 1% say they do both: "Usually remain seated unless it's a heavy job."

I'd like to see gender splits on this (more specific than "mostly").

This could just as easily mean 'men are split 50-50 sit-stand while women are close to 100% sit' as it could mean 'most men stand.'

Where's the rigor, RE/Search?

Assuming 9% of respondents declined to answer, and "mostly" skews the same way on both splits (e.g. "mostly men" and "mostly women" refer to the same percentage), it should really come down to what the authors mean by the subjective "mostly."

Code Select Expand

Bias M_Sit M_Stand M_Other %Sit %Stand
0.35 9 24 13 19.1% 52.3%
0.30 12 22 12 25.5% 49.2%
0.25 15 21 10 31.9% 46.2%
0.20 17 20 9 38.2% 43.1%
0.15 20 18 7 44.6% 40.0%
0.10 23 17 6 51.0% 36.9%
0.05 26 15 4 57.4% 33.8%
0.00 29 14 3 63.7% 30.8%

The "bias" column refers to the value +/- from the even 50/50 split. The break even point is .175. So if "mostly men/women" is 67.5%, then sitters and standers are equally prevalent among males. If it's 70%, then standers have a slight edge. Vice versa with 65%.

You complete us all, ChuckD.

These numbers seem to be in line with those of other independent observers (see above (http://www.desipio.com/messageboard/index.php?topic=7219.msg205477#msg205477), also here (http://www.icbe.org/2009/12/17/stand-to-wipe-sit-to-wipe/), here (http://forum.ebaumsworld.com/showthread.php?t=296900), here (http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/155505), here (http://www.chacha.com/question/when-you-wipe-your-butt-do-you-stand-up-or-sit-down), here (http://forums.vwvortex.com/zerothread?id=4648588) and here (http://www.howdoyouwipeyourass.com/)), which seem to suggest close to an even split, with perhaps a slight edge (though who knows how statistically significant) towards standing.

I would that those non-scientific internet polls are open to female voters who have a known preference for sitting.

Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 09:26:30 PM
TPD. Can we at least come to agreement that the squatters/hoverers are a bunch of snivelling, indecisive, America-hating pussies?

Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 09:26:30 PM
TPD. Can we at least come to agreement that the squatters/hoverers are a bunch of snivelling, indecisive, America-hating pussies?

Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 09:26:30 PM
TPD. Can we at least come to agreement that the squatters/hoverers are a bunch of snivelling, indecisive, America-hating pussies?

Quote from: Wheezer on February 15, 2010, 09:57:51 PM

Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 09:26:30 PM
TPD. Can we at least come to agreement that the squatters/hoverers are a bunch of snivelling, indecisive, America-hating pussies?

No. I once had to pass an odorous mass after 14 days in a Spanish hostel that economized by not providing toilet seats, and I had to hover. The ideas that saw me through were nothing if not patriotic, and I sometimes still hear Tennessee Ernie Ford when my mind goes back to that summer.

Quote from: Wheezer on February 15, 2010, 09:57:51 PM

Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 09:26:30 PM
TPD. Can we at least come to agreement that the squatters/hoverers are a bunch of snivelling, indecisive, America-hating pussies?

No. I once had to pass an odorous mass after 14 days in a Spanish hostel that economized by not providing toilet seats, and I had to hover. The ideas that saw me through were nothing if not patriotic, and I sometimes still hear Tennessee Ernie Ford when my mind goes back to that summer.

Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 10:41:28 PM
lollin at this.

(http://imgur.com/Nwoqm.png)

And speaking of shit threads. (http://danwin.com/thoughts/a-good-way-for-google-buzz-to-recruit-the-dumbest-users-on-facebook/)

Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 09:01:10 PM

Quote from: CBStew on February 15, 2010, 08:57:21 PM
and this is a topic because...

The real question is "why hasn't this question been answered yet?"

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 15, 2010, 06:34:53 PM
I learned two things in the HJE shoutbox over the the past couple of weeks that I found more than a little bit surprising...

a) There are people in this world who don't think Zooey Deschanel is a beautiful angel
b) Some guys (mostly Hollywood types, it would seem) apparently wipe their asses while standing up

To the latter...

While this revelation blew my mind, I decided to have a go at it one day to see what it was all about. And I have to say: it seems like a whole lot of fuss (with serious potential for muss) and I still don't understand the benefits.

Don't get me wrong. If I spot something magnificent in the bowl before I make my move, I'm definitely bound to stand up and admire—nay, applaud—the fruits of my labors.

But, the occasional ovation aside, as a standard operating procedure I just can't say that I get it.

So, I put it to you, Desipio... Is the standing wipe a common practice? And, if so, what is the deal with that?

Quote from: PenFoe on February 15, 2010, 10:35:53 PM
1. Seriously, she's not hot.

Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 07:27:33 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 15, 2010, 07:22:19 PM

Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 07:09:58 PM
I stand and wipe from back to front.

Wait... Does this mean you wipe from the front with a back-to-front pull motion?

I don't play that between the legs bullshit. Behind the back, all the way. Just like Bob Cousy.

Quote from: Richard Chuggar on February 16, 2010, 08:01:05 AM
Thrill starting a thread about what dudes are doing with their pants down in the bathroom is the least something something.

Quote from: CT III on February 16, 2010, 08:30:04 AM

Quote from: Richard Chuggar on February 16, 2010, 08:01:05 AM
Thrill starting a thread about what dudes are doing with their pants down in the bathroom is the least something something.

Go crazy?

Quote from: BH on February 16, 2010, 07:58:54 AM

Quote from: PenFoe on February 15, 2010, 10:35:53 PM
1. Seriously, she's not hot.

Seriously, you're wrong again.

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 11:38:54 AM
I'm going to waffle on ZD.  Meh for me.  Christina Hendricks, on the other hand...

Also, I stand.  It's always been the way I do it, so I can't say I have any science or theory behind it.  Thrill's advocacy for sitting has merit, and I will try it, but I doubt I'll ultimately change the way I wipe.

Good poll question.

Quote from: Jon on February 16, 2010, 11:55:15 AM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 11:38:54 AM
I'm going to waffle on ZD.  Meh for me.  Christina Hendricks, on the other hand...

Also, I stand.  It's always been the way I do it, so I can't say I have any science or theory behind it.  Thrill's advocacy for sitting has merit, and I will try it, but I doubt I'll ultimately change the way I wipe.

Good poll question.

I assume you stand to keep an eye out for unwanted cat foecal matter.

I stand as well, always have. Don't have a reason. I sometimes sit in public toilets so I don't "prairie dog" over the top of the stall.

Quote from: PenFoe on February 16, 2010, 12:12:05 PM

Quote from: Jon on February 16, 2010, 11:55:15 AM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 11:38:54 AM
I'm going to waffle on ZD.  Meh for me.  Christina Hendricks, on the other hand...

Also, I stand.  It's always been the way I do it, so I can't say I have any science or theory behind it.  Thrill's advocacy for sitting has merit, and I will try it, but I doubt I'll ultimately change the way I wipe.

Good poll question.

I assume you stand to keep an eye out for unwanted cat foecal matter.

I stand as well, always have. Don't have a reason. I sometimes sit in public toilets so I don't "prairie dog" over the top of the stall.

I can only guess one of the following:
1. You're really, really tall.
2. You're using the stalls at elementary schools
3. You're standing ON the toilet seat when you do this.

Quote from: Internet Apex on February 16, 2010, 12:22:32 PM
I dig the use of "Prairie Dog" to describe the standing wipe in public stall conundrum. But to me "Prairie Doggin'" was always a prerequisite for entering a public stall to begin with.

Quote from: Jon on February 16, 2010, 11:55:15 AM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 11:38:54 AM
I'm going to waffle on ZD.  Meh for me.  Christina Hendricks, on the other hand...

Also, I stand.  It's always been the way I do it, so I can't say I have any science or theory behind it.  Thrill's advocacy for sitting has merit, and I will try it, but I doubt I'll ultimately change the way I wipe.

Good poll question.

I assume you stand to keep an eye out for unwanted cat foecal matter.

I stand as well, always have. Don't have a reason. I sometimes sit in public toilets so I don't "prairie dog" over the top of the stall.

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:26:32 PM

Quote from: Jon on February 16, 2010, 11:55:15 AM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 11:38:54 AM
I'm going to waffle on ZD.  Meh for me.  Christina Hendricks, on the other hand...

Also, I stand.  It's always been the way I do it, so I can't say I have any science or theory behind it.  Thrill's advocacy for sitting has merit, and I will try it, but I doubt I'll ultimately change the way I wipe.

Good poll question.

I assume you stand to keep an eye out for unwanted cat foecal matter.

I stand as well, always have. Don't have a reason. I sometimes sit in public toilets so I don't "prairie dog" over the top of the stall.

Cat foeaces out of my toilet!!!

Actually, I have another tale of the liquid garbage can.  On Friday, my cohabitator called and asked me to pick up Drain-o when I came home.  I did so and when I got home, she dutifully took it and began using it on the shower, as her hair was the reason for its clog in the first place.  So, after about an hour, she goes back to the shower stall and lets hot water go down the drain.  Following this, she begins to remove, by hand and paper-clip, some of the clumps of hair and whatever that had accumulated in the drain.  Now, instead of taking those clumps and putting them in the garbarge can a mere three feet away, she takes them and puts them in the toilet, a mere TWO feet away.  

Now, aside from the fact that I don't approve of anything non-foaeces, non-urine, or non-vomit in the toilet, does it make any sense to take that which just clogged the shower drain and put it in the toilet?

Needless to say, an argument ensued, which I won, only by proving that the average size of toilet pipe is equal to if not smaller than the diameter of your average shower drain.  

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:26:32 PM

Quote from: Jon on February 16, 2010, 11:55:15 AM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 11:38:54 AM
I'm going to waffle on ZD.  Meh for me.  Christina Hendricks, on the other hand...

Also, I stand.  It's always been the way I do it, so I can't say I have any science or theory behind it.  Thrill's advocacy for sitting has merit, and I will try it, but I doubt I'll ultimately change the way I wipe.

Good poll question.

I assume you stand to keep an eye out for unwanted cat foecal matter.

I stand as well, always have. Don't have a reason. I sometimes sit in public toilets so I don't "prairie dog" over the top of the stall.

Cat foeaces out of my toilet!!!

Actually, I have another tale of the liquid garbage can.  On Friday, my cohabitator called and asked me to pick up Drain-o when I came home.  I did so and when I got home, she dutifully took it and began using it on the shower, as her hair was the reason for its clog in the first place.  So, after about an hour, she goes back to the shower stall and lets hot water go down the drain.  Following this, she begins to remove, by hand and paper-clip, some of the clumps of hair and whatever that had accumulated in the drain.  Now, instead of taking those clumps and putting them in the garbarge can a mere three feet away, she takes them and puts them in the toilet, a mere TWO feet away.  

Now, aside from the fact that I don't approve of anything non-foaeces, non-urine, or non-vomit in the toilet, does it make any sense to take that which just clogged the shower drain and put it in the toilet?

Needless to say, an argument ensued, which I won, only by proving that the average size of toilet pipe is equal to if not smaller than the diameter of your average shower drain.  

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:26:32 PM
Needless to say, an argument ensued, which I won, only by proving that the average size of toilet pipe is equal to if not smaller than the diameter of your average shower drain.  

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:26:32 PM

Quote from: Jon on February 16, 2010, 11:55:15 AM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 11:38:54 AM
I'm going to waffle on ZD.  Meh for me.  Christina Hendricks, on the other hand...

Also, I stand.  It's always been the way I do it, so I can't say I have any science or theory behind it.  Thrill's advocacy for sitting has merit, and I will try it, but I doubt I'll ultimately change the way I wipe.

Good poll question.

I assume you stand to keep an eye out for unwanted cat foecal matter.

I stand as well, always have. Don't have a reason. I sometimes sit in public toilets so I don't "prairie dog" over the top of the stall.

Cat foeaces out of my toilet!!!

Actually, I have another tale of the liquid garbage can.  On Friday, my cohabitator called and asked me to pick up Drain-o when I came home.  I did so and when I got home, she dutifully took it and began using it on the shower, as her hair was the reason for its clog in the first place.  So, after about an hour, she goes back to the shower stall and lets hot water go down the drain.  Following this, she begins to remove, by hand and paper-clip, some of the clumps of hair and whatever that had accumulated in the drain.  Now, instead of taking those clumps and putting them in the garbarge can a mere three feet away, she takes them and puts them in the toilet, a mere TWO feet away.  

Now, aside from the fact that I don't approve of anything non-foaeces, non-urine, or non-vomit in the toilet, does it make any sense to take that which just clogged the shower drain and put it in the toilet?

Needless to say, an argument ensued, which I won, only by proving that the average size of toilet pipe is equal to if not smaller than the diameter of your average shower drain.  

Quote from: powen01 on February 16, 2010, 12:32:35 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:26:32 PM

Quote from: Jon on February 16, 2010, 11:55:15 AM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 11:38:54 AM
I'm going to waffle on ZD.  Meh for me.  Christina Hendricks, on the other hand...

Also, I stand.  It's always been the way I do it, so I can't say I have any science or theory behind it.  Thrill's advocacy for sitting has merit, and I will try it, but I doubt I'll ultimately change the way I wipe.

Good poll question.

I assume you stand to keep an eye out for unwanted cat foecal matter.

I stand as well, always have. Don't have a reason. I sometimes sit in public toilets so I don't "prairie dog" over the top of the stall.

Cat foeaces out of my toilet!!!

Actually, I have another tale of the liquid garbage can.  On Friday, my cohabitator called and asked me to pick up Drain-o when I came home.  I did so and when I got home, she dutifully took it and began using it on the shower, as her hair was the reason for its clog in the first place.  So, after about an hour, she goes back to the shower stall and lets hot water go down the drain.  Following this, she begins to remove, by hand and paper-clip, some of the clumps of hair and whatever that had accumulated in the drain.  Now, instead of taking those clumps and putting them in the garbarge can a mere three feet away, she takes them and puts them in the toilet, a mere TWO feet away.  

Now, aside from the fact that I don't approve of anything non-foaeces, non-urine, or non-vomit in the toilet, does it make any sense to take that which just clogged the shower drain and put it in the toilet?

Needless to say, an argument ensued, which I won, only by proving that the average size of toilet pipe is equal to if not smaller than the diameter of your average shower drain.  

By winning, you've only lost. 

Ohmmmm.

Quote from: Internet Apex on February 16, 2010, 12:22:32 PM
I dig the use of "Prairie Dog" to describe the standing wipe in public stall conundrum. But to me "Prairie Doggin'" was always a prerequisite for entering a public stall to begin with.

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:26:32 PM

Quote from: Jon on February 16, 2010, 11:55:15 AM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 11:38:54 AM
I'm going to waffle on ZD.  Meh for me.  Christina Hendricks, on the other hand...

Also, I stand.  It's always been the way I do it, so I can't say I have any science or theory behind it.  Thrill's advocacy for sitting has merit, and I will try it, but I doubt I'll ultimately change the way I wipe.

Good poll question.

I assume you stand to keep an eye out for unwanted cat foecal matter.

I stand as well, always have. Don't have a reason. I sometimes sit in public toilets so I don't "prairie dog" over the top of the stall.

Cat foeaces out of my toilet!!!

Actually, I have another tale of the liquid garbage can.  On Friday, my cohabitator called and asked me to pick up Drain-o when I came home.  I did so and when I got home, she dutifully took it and began using it on the shower, as her hair was the reason for its clog in the first place.  So, after about an hour, she goes back to the shower stall and lets hot water go down the drain.  Following this, she begins to remove, by hand and paper-clip, some of the clumps of hair and whatever that had accumulated in the drain.  Now, instead of taking those clumps and putting them in the garbarge can a mere three feet away, she takes them and puts them in the toilet, a mere TWO feet away.  

Now, aside from the fact that I don't approve of anything non-foaeces, non-urine, or non-vomit in the toilet, does it make any sense to take that which just clogged the shower drain and put it in the toilet?

Needless to say, an argument ensued, which I won, only by proving that the average size of toilet pipe is equal to if not smaller than the diameter of your average shower drain.  

Quote from: Fork on February 16, 2010, 12:44:48 PM

Quote from: Internet Apex on February 16, 2010, 12:22:32 PM
I dig the use of "Prairie Dog" to describe the standing wipe in public stall conundrum. But to me "Prairie Doggin'" was always a prerequisite for entering a public stall to begin with.

If you wish to use "Prarie Dog" for the standing wipe, then you can replace "Prarie Doggin" with "Turtlehead".

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:26:32 PM
Now, aside from the fact that I don't approve of anything non-foaeces, non-urine, or non-vomit in the toilet, does it make any sense to take that which just clogged the shower drain and put it in the toilet?

Quote from: Internet Apex on February 16, 2010, 12:47:58 PM

Quote from: Fork on February 16, 2010, 12:44:48 PM

Quote from: Internet Apex on February 16, 2010, 12:22:32 PM
I dig the use of "Prairie Dog" to describe the standing wipe in public stall conundrum. But to me "Prairie Doggin'" was always a prerequisite for entering a public stall to begin with.

If you wish to use "Prarie Dog" for the standing wipe, then you can replace "Prarie Doggin" with "Turtlehead".

Or touching cloth.

Quote from: Jon on February 16, 2010, 12:23:01 PM
Touche.

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 16, 2010, 12:51:34 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:26:32 PM
Now, aside from the fact that I don't approve of anything non-foaeces, non-urine, or non-vomit in the toilet, does it make any sense to take that which just clogged the shower drain and put it in the toilet?

Things must get extra testy around Gil's LA double-wide whenever the common law missus is ragging it.

Quote from: Powdered Toast Man on February 16, 2010, 12:55:27 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 16, 2010, 12:51:34 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:26:32 PM
Now, aside from the fact that I don't approve of anything non-foaeces, non-urine, or non-vomit in the toilet, does it make any sense to take that which just clogged the shower drain and put it in the toilet?

Things must get extra testy around Gil's LA double-wide whenever the common law missus is ragging it.

I noticed "bidet" is a choice.  Has anyone actually tried one?  I did when I was at a resort in Mexico.  It was...um...pretty similar to the "A team of orphans swabs my dainty hole with perfumed chamois leather while I sun on the terrace" choice.

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:26:32 PM
Actually, I have another tale of the liquid garbage can.  On Friday, my cohabitator called and asked me to pick up Drain-o when I came home.  I did so and when I got home, she dutifully took it and began using it on the shower, as her hair was the reason for its clog in the first place.  So, after about an hour, she goes back to the shower stall and lets hot water go down the drain.  Following this, she begins to remove, by hand and paper-clip, some of the clumps of hair and whatever that had accumulated in the drain.  Now, instead of taking those clumps and putting them in the garbarge can a mere three feet away, she takes them and puts them in the toilet, a mere TWO feet away.

Quote from: Wheezer on February 16, 2010, 01:19:48 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:26:32 PM
Actually, I have another tale of the liquid garbage can.  On Friday, my cohabitator called and asked me to pick up Drain-o when I came home.  I did so and when I got home, she dutifully took it and began using it on the shower, as her hair was the reason for its clog in the first place.  So, after about an hour, she goes back to the shower stall and lets hot water go down the drain.  Following this, she begins to remove, by hand and paper-clip, some of the clumps of hair and whatever that had accumulated in the drain.  Now, instead of taking those clumps and putting them in the garbarge can a mere three feet away, she takes them and puts them in the toilet, a mere TWO feet away.

Doesn't mechanical clearing of the drain usually precede the use of caustics?

Anyway, my last girlfriend had a good story about dining at her neighbors' house for the first time. When they were done eating, the kids were instructed to clear off their plates, and the resident children promptly marched into the bathroom, leaving their parents staring at her expectantly. I think it was spaghetti and meatballs.

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 01:24:53 PM
And your story makes me note my own toilet hypocrisy, I have flushed soup down the toilet before.

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 01:24:53 PM

Quote from: Wheezer on February 16, 2010, 01:19:48 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:26:32 PM
Actually, I have another tale of the liquid garbage can.  On Friday, my cohabitator called and asked me to pick up Drain-o when I came home.  I did so and when I got home, she dutifully took it and began using it on the shower, as her hair was the reason for its clog in the first place.  So, after about an hour, she goes back to the shower stall and lets hot water go down the drain.  Following this, she begins to remove, by hand and paper-clip, some of the clumps of hair and whatever that had accumulated in the drain.  Now, instead of taking those clumps and putting them in the garbarge can a mere three feet away, she takes them and puts them in the toilet, a mere TWO feet away.

Doesn't mechanical clearing of the drain usually precede the use of caustics?

Anyway, my last girlfriend had a good story about dining at her neighbors' house for the first time. When they were done eating, the kids were instructed to clear off their plates, and the resident children promptly marched into the bathroom, leaving their parents staring at her expectantly. I think it was spaghetti and meatballs.

Yes, and I was going to say something, but she was wearing gloves, so that helps.

And your story makes me note my own toilet hypocrisy, I have flushed soup down the toilet before.

THERE.  SUE ME!!

Quote from: Kermit IV on February 16, 2010, 01:45:30 PM
Where the hell is Karry Ling?

Slak, where are you hiding this ZD doppelganger?

Quote from: Slack-E on February 16, 2010, 01:50:28 PM

Quote from: Kermit IV on February 16, 2010, 01:45:30 PM
Where the hell is Karry Ling?

Slak, where are you hiding this ZD doppelganger?

Please don't get any ideas. She's like what ZD would look like if she was malnourished and unwashed. Seriously, this person is the scum of the earth.

Quote from: Slack-E on February 16, 2010, 01:50:28 PM

Quote from: Kermit IV on February 16, 2010, 01:45:30 PM
Where the hell is Karry Ling?

Slak, where are you hiding this ZD doppelganger?

Please don't get any ideas. She's like what ZD would look like if she was malnourished and unwashed. Seriously, this person is the scum of the earth.

Quote from: PenFoe on February 16, 2010, 01:58:12 PM
I'm trying to wrap my head around what a malnourished version of an already malnourished person would look like.  

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 16, 2010, 01:55:44 PM

Quote from: Slack-E on February 16, 2010, 01:50:28 PM

Quote from: Kermit IV on February 16, 2010, 01:45:30 PM
Where the hell is Karry Ling?

Slak, where are you hiding this ZD doppelganger?

Please don't get any ideas. She's like what ZD would look like if she was malnourished and unwashed. Seriously, this person is the scum of the earth.

Pen already thinks Zooey is "scrawny" and has "saggy flapjacks."

Quote from: Wheezer on February 16, 2010, 01:19:48 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:26:32 PM
Actually, I have another tale of the liquid garbage can.  On Friday, my cohabitator called and asked me to pick up Drain-o when I came home.  I did so and when I got home, she dutifully took it and began using it on the shower, as her hair was the reason for its clog in the first place.  So, after about an hour, she goes back to the shower stall and lets hot water go down the drain.  Following this, she begins to remove, by hand and paper-clip, some of the clumps of hair and whatever that had accumulated in the drain.  Now, instead of taking those clumps and putting them in the garbarge can a mere three feet away, she takes them and puts them in the toilet, a mere TWO feet away.

Doesn't mechanical clearing of the drain usually precede the use of caustics?

Anyway, my last girlfriend had a good story about dining at her neighbors' house for the first time. When they were done eating, the kids were instructed to clear off their plates, and the resident children promptly marched into the bathroom, leaving their parents staring at her expectantly. I think it was spaghetti and meatballs.

Quote from: Richard Chuggar on February 16, 2010, 02:08:13 PM

Quote from: Wheezer on February 16, 2010, 01:19:48 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:26:32 PM
Actually, I have another tale of the liquid garbage can.  On Friday, my cohabitator called and asked me to pick up Drain-o when I came home.  I did so and when I got home, she dutifully took it and began using it on the shower, as her hair was the reason for its clog in the first place.  So, after about an hour, she goes back to the shower stall and lets hot water go down the drain.  Following this, she begins to remove, by hand and paper-clip, some of the clumps of hair and whatever that had accumulated in the drain.  Now, instead of taking those clumps and putting them in the garbarge can a mere three feet away, she takes them and puts them in the toilet, a mere TWO feet away.

Doesn't mechanical clearing of the drain usually precede the use of caustics?

Anyway, my last girlfriend had a good story about dining at her neighbors' house for the first time. When they were done eating, the kids were instructed to clear off their plates, and the resident children promptly marched into the bathroom, leaving their parents staring at her expectantly. I think it was spaghetti and meatballs.

I know you're real b/c I've met you, but you're a fucking liar.

Quote from: Wheezer on February 16, 2010, 02:16:00 PM

Quote from: Richard Chuggar on February 16, 2010, 02:08:13 PM

Quote from: Wheezer on February 16, 2010, 01:19:48 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:26:32 PM
Actually, I have another tale of the liquid garbage can.  On Friday, my cohabitator called and asked me to pick up Drain-o when I came home.  I did so and when I got home, she dutifully took it and began using it on the shower, as her hair was the reason for its clog in the first place.  So, after about an hour, she goes back to the shower stall and lets hot water go down the drain.  Following this, she begins to remove, by hand and paper-clip, some of the clumps of hair and whatever that had accumulated in the drain.  Now, instead of taking those clumps and putting them in the garbarge can a mere three feet away, she takes them and puts them in the toilet, a mere TWO feet away.

Doesn't mechanical clearing of the drain usually precede the use of caustics?

Anyway, my last girlfriend had a good story about dining at her neighbors' house for the first time. When they were done eating, the kids were instructed to clear off their plates, and the resident children promptly marched into the bathroom, leaving their parents staring at her expectantly. I think it was spaghetti and meatballs.

I know you're real b/c I've met you, but you're a fucking liar.

You can repress it, but it's all a product of your unconscious mind.

Quote from: Oleg on February 16, 2010, 02:53:53 PM

Quote from: Wheezer on February 16, 2010, 02:16:00 PM

Quote from: Richard Chuggar on February 16, 2010, 02:08:13 PM

Quote from: Wheezer on February 16, 2010, 01:19:48 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:26:32 PM
Actually, I have another tale of the liquid garbage can.  On Friday, my cohabitator called and asked me to pick up Drain-o when I came home.  I did so and when I got home, she dutifully took it and began using it on the shower, as her hair was the reason for its clog in the first place.  So, after about an hour, she goes back to the shower stall and lets hot water go down the drain.  Following this, she begins to remove, by hand and paper-clip, some of the clumps of hair and whatever that had accumulated in the drain.  Now, instead of taking those clumps and putting them in the garbarge can a mere three feet away, she takes them and puts them in the toilet, a mere TWO feet away.

Doesn't mechanical clearing of the drain usually precede the use of caustics?

Anyway, my last girlfriend had a good story about dining at her neighbors' house for the first time. When they were done eating, the kids were instructed to clear off their plates, and the resident children promptly marched into the bathroom, leaving their parents staring at her expectantly. I think it was spaghetti and meatballs.

I know you're real b/c I've met you, but you're a fucking liar.

You can repress it, but it's all a product of your unconscious mind.

So, here's something.  Do you mean "subconscious"?  I've heard others use "unconscious" in the same manner, and far be it for me to question anyone's word choice, but, the question stands.

Unconscious would mean knocked out or not conscious.
Sunconscious would mean thoughts or what-have-you beneath the conscious.

On the other hand, I suppose I see where unconscious would also fit, as in not in conscious thought.  In which case, what's the difference?

Quote from: Jon on February 16, 2010, 02:56:33 PM

Quote from: Oleg on February 16, 2010, 02:53:53 PM

Quote from: Wheezer on February 16, 2010, 02:16:00 PM

Quote from: Richard Chuggar on February 16, 2010, 02:08:13 PM

Quote from: Wheezer on February 16, 2010, 01:19:48 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:26:32 PM
Actually, I have another tale of the liquid garbage can.  On Friday, my cohabitator called and asked me to pick up Drain-o when I came home.  I did so and when I got home, she dutifully took it and began using it on the shower, as her hair was the reason for its clog in the first place.  So, after about an hour, she goes back to the shower stall and lets hot water go down the drain.  Following this, she begins to remove, by hand and paper-clip, some of the clumps of hair and whatever that had accumulated in the drain.  Now, instead of taking those clumps and putting them in the garbarge can a mere three feet away, she takes them and puts them in the toilet, a mere TWO feet away.

Doesn't mechanical clearing of the drain usually precede the use of caustics?

Anyway, my last girlfriend had a good story about dining at her neighbors' house for the first time. When they were done eating, the kids were instructed to clear off their plates, and the resident children promptly marched into the bathroom, leaving their parents staring at her expectantly. I think it was spaghetti and meatballs.

I know you're real b/c I've met you, but you're a fucking liar.

You can repress it, but it's all a product of your unconscious mind.

So, here's something.  Do you mean "subconscious"?  I've heard others use "unconscious" in the same manner, and far be it for me to question anyone's word choice, but, the question stands.

Unconscious would mean knocked out or not conscious.
Sunconscious would mean thoughts or what-have-you beneath the conscious.

On the other hand, I suppose I see where unconscious would also fit, as in not in conscious thought.  In which case, what's the difference?

Are you implying TDubbs has ever been conscious?

Quote from: Oleg on February 16, 2010, 02:57:41 PM

Quote from: Jon on February 16, 2010, 02:56:33 PM

Quote from: Oleg on February 16, 2010, 02:53:53 PM

Quote from: Wheezer on February 16, 2010, 02:16:00 PM

Quote from: Richard Chuggar on February 16, 2010, 02:08:13 PM

Quote from: Wheezer on February 16, 2010, 01:19:48 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:26:32 PM
Actually, I have another tale of the liquid garbage can.  On Friday, my cohabitator called and asked me to pick up Drain-o when I came home.  I did so and when I got home, she dutifully took it and began using it on the shower, as her hair was the reason for its clog in the first place.  So, after about an hour, she goes back to the shower stall and lets hot water go down the drain.  Following this, she begins to remove, by hand and paper-clip, some of the clumps of hair and whatever that had accumulated in the drain.  Now, instead of taking those clumps and putting them in the garbarge can a mere three feet away, she takes them and puts them in the toilet, a mere TWO feet away.

Doesn't mechanical clearing of the drain usually precede the use of caustics?

Anyway, my last girlfriend had a good story about dining at her neighbors' house for the first time. When they were done eating, the kids were instructed to clear off their plates, and the resident children promptly marched into the bathroom, leaving their parents staring at her expectantly. I think it was spaghetti and meatballs.

I know you're real b/c I've met you, but you're a fucking liar.

You can repress it, but it's all a product of your unconscious mind.

So, here's something.  Do you mean "subconscious"?  I've heard others use "unconscious" in the same manner, and far be it for me to question anyone's word choice, but, the question stands.

Unconscious would mean knocked out or not conscious.
Sunconscious would mean thoughts or what-have-you beneath the conscious.

On the other hand, I suppose I see where unconscious would also fit, as in not in conscious thought.  In which case, what's the difference?

Are you implying TDubbs has ever been conscious?

I think Wheezer was implying that.

Quote from: PenFoe on February 16, 2010, 01:58:12 PM

Quote from: Slack-E on February 16, 2010, 01:50:28 PM

Quote from: Kermit IV on February 16, 2010, 01:45:30 PM
Where the hell is Karry Ling?

Slak, where are you hiding this ZD doppelganger?

Please don't get any ideas. She's like what ZD would look like if she was malnourished and unwashed. Seriously, this person is the scum of the earth.

I'm trying to wrap my head around what a malnourished version of an already malnourished person would look like.  

Quote from: BH on February 16, 2010, 03:03:41 PM

Quote from: PenFoe on February 16, 2010, 01:58:12 PM

Quote from: Slack-E on February 16, 2010, 01:50:28 PM

Quote from: Kermit IV on February 16, 2010, 01:45:30 PM
Where the hell is Karry Ling?

Slak, where are you hiding this ZD doppelganger?

Please don't get any ideas. She's like what ZD would look like if she was malnourished and unwashed. Seriously, this person is the scum of the earth.

I'm trying to wrap my head around what a malnourished version of an already malnourished person would look like.  

Via the intraweb, she's 5'6", weighs around 120. I think I've learned something new today.
Pen likes girls who are built like Yeti, who aren't malnourished.

Quote from: Oleg on February 16, 2010, 02:53:53 PM

Quote from: Wheezer on February 16, 2010, 02:16:00 PM

Quote from: Richard Chuggar on February 16, 2010, 02:08:13 PM

Quote from: Wheezer on February 16, 2010, 01:19:48 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:26:32 PM
Actually, I have another tale of the liquid garbage can.  On Friday, my cohabitator called and asked me to pick up Drain-o when I came home.  I did so and when I got home, she dutifully took it and began using it on the shower, as her hair was the reason for its clog in the first place.  So, after about an hour, she goes back to the shower stall and lets hot water go down the drain.  Following this, she begins to remove, by hand and paper-clip, some of the clumps of hair and whatever that had accumulated in the drain.  Now, instead of taking those clumps and putting them in the garbarge can a mere three feet away, she takes them and puts them in the toilet, a mere TWO feet away.

Doesn't mechanical clearing of the drain usually precede the use of caustics?

Anyway, my last girlfriend had a good story about dining at her neighbors' house for the first time. When they were done eating, the kids were instructed to clear off their plates, and the resident children promptly marched into the bathroom, leaving their parents staring at her expectantly. I think it was spaghetti and meatballs.

I know you're real b/c I've met you, but you're a fucking liar.

You can repress it, but it's all a product of your unconscious mind.

So, here's something.  Do you mean "subconscious"?  I've heard others use "unconscious" in the same manner, and far be it for me to question anyone's word choice, but, the question stands.

Unconscious would mean knocked out or not conscious.
Sunconscious would mean thoughts or what-have-you beneath the conscious.

On the other hand, I suppose I see where unconscious would also fit, as in not in conscious thought.  In which case, what's the difference?

Quote from: Powdered Toast Man on February 16, 2010, 03:25:10 PM

Quote from: Oleg on February 16, 2010, 02:53:53 PM

Quote from: Wheezer on February 16, 2010, 02:16:00 PM

Quote from: Richard Chuggar on February 16, 2010, 02:08:13 PM

Quote from: Wheezer on February 16, 2010, 01:19:48 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:26:32 PM
Actually, I have another tale of the liquid garbage can.  On Friday, my cohabitator called and asked me to pick up Drain-o when I came home.  I did so and when I got home, she dutifully took it and began using it on the shower, as her hair was the reason for its clog in the first place.  So, after about an hour, she goes back to the shower stall and lets hot water go down the drain.  Following this, she begins to remove, by hand and paper-clip, some of the clumps of hair and whatever that had accumulated in the drain.  Now, instead of taking those clumps and putting them in the garbarge can a mere three feet away, she takes them and puts them in the toilet, a mere TWO feet away.

Doesn't mechanical clearing of the drain usually precede the use of caustics?

Anyway, my last girlfriend had a good story about dining at her neighbors' house for the first time. When they were done eating, the kids were instructed to clear off their plates, and the resident children promptly marched into the bathroom, leaving their parents staring at her expectantly. I think it was spaghetti and meatballs.

I know you're real b/c I've met you, but you're a fucking liar.

You can repress it, but it's all a product of your unconscious mind.

So, here's something.  Do you mean "subconscious"?  I've heard others use "unconscious" in the same manner, and far be it for me to question anyone's word choice, but, the question stands.

Unconscious would mean knocked out or not conscious.
Sunconscious would mean thoughts or what-have-you beneath the conscious.

On the other hand, I suppose I see where unconscious would also fit, as in not in conscious thought.  In which case, what's the difference?

What the fuck is "sunconscious?"

Quote from: Waco Kid on February 16, 2010, 03:27:11 PM

Quote from: Powdered Toast Man on February 16, 2010, 03:25:10 PM

Quote from: Oleg on February 16, 2010, 02:53:53 PM

Quote from: Wheezer on February 16, 2010, 02:16:00 PM

Quote from: Richard Chuggar on February 16, 2010, 02:08:13 PM

Quote from: Wheezer on February 16, 2010, 01:19:48 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:26:32 PM
Actually, I have another tale of the liquid garbage can.  On Friday, my cohabitator called and asked me to pick up Drain-o when I came home.  I did so and when I got home, she dutifully took it and began using it on the shower, as her hair was the reason for its clog in the first place.  So, after about an hour, she goes back to the shower stall and lets hot water go down the drain.  Following this, she begins to remove, by hand and paper-clip, some of the clumps of hair and whatever that had accumulated in the drain.  Now, instead of taking those clumps and putting them in the garbarge can a mere three feet away, she takes them and puts them in the toilet, a mere TWO feet away.

Doesn't mechanical clearing of the drain usually precede the use of caustics?

Anyway, my last girlfriend had a good story about dining at her neighbors' house for the first time. When they were done eating, the kids were instructed to clear off their plates, and the resident children promptly marched into the bathroom, leaving their parents staring at her expectantly. I think it was spaghetti and meatballs.

I know you're real b/c I've met you, but you're a fucking liar.

You can repress it, but it's all a product of your unconscious mind.

So, here's something.  Do you mean "subconscious"?  I've heard others use "unconscious" in the same manner, and far be it for me to question anyone's word choice, but, the question stands.

Unconscious would mean knocked out or not conscious.
Sunconscious would mean thoughts or what-have-you beneath the conscious.

On the other hand, I suppose I see where unconscious would also fit, as in not in conscious thought.  In which case, what's the difference?

What the fuck is "sunconscious?"

When you wake up on the surface of the sun.

Quote from: Oleg on February 16, 2010, 02:53:53 PM

Quote from: Wheezer on February 16, 2010, 02:16:00 PM

Quote from: Richard Chuggar on February 16, 2010, 02:08:13 PM

Quote from: Wheezer on February 16, 2010, 01:19:48 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:26:32 PM
Actually, I have another tale of the liquid garbage can.  On Friday, my cohabitator called and asked me to pick up Drain-o when I came home.  I did so and when I got home, she dutifully took it and began using it on the shower, as her hair was the reason for its clog in the first place.  So, after about an hour, she goes back to the shower stall and lets hot water go down the drain.  Following this, she begins to remove, by hand and paper-clip, some of the clumps of hair and whatever that had accumulated in the drain.  Now, instead of taking those clumps and putting them in the garbarge can a mere three feet away, she takes them and puts them in the toilet, a mere TWO feet away.

Doesn't mechanical clearing of the drain usually precede the use of caustics?

Anyway, my last girlfriend had a good story about dining at her neighbors' house for the first time. When they were done eating, the kids were instructed to clear off their plates, and the resident children promptly marched into the bathroom, leaving their parents staring at her expectantly. I think it was spaghetti and meatballs.

I know you're real b/c I've met you, but you're a fucking liar.

You can repress it, but it's all a product of your unconscious mind.

So, here's something.  Do you mean "subconscious"?  I've heard others use "unconscious" in the same manner, and far be it for me to question anyone's word choice, but, the question stands.

Unconscious would mean knocked out or not conscious.
Sunconscious would mean thoughts or what-have-you beneath the conscious.

On the other hand, I suppose I see where unconscious would also fit, as in not in conscious thought.  In which case, what's the difference?

Quote from: Wheezer on February 16, 2010, 03:32:44 PM

Quote from: Oleg on February 16, 2010, 02:53:53 PM

Quote from: Wheezer on February 16, 2010, 02:16:00 PM

Quote from: Richard Chuggar on February 16, 2010, 02:08:13 PM

Quote from: Wheezer on February 16, 2010, 01:19:48 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:26:32 PM
Actually, I have another tale of the liquid garbage can.  On Friday, my cohabitator called and asked me to pick up Drain-o when I came home.  I did so and when I got home, she dutifully took it and began using it on the shower, as her hair was the reason for its clog in the first place.  So, after about an hour, she goes back to the shower stall and lets hot water go down the drain.  Following this, she begins to remove, by hand and paper-clip, some of the clumps of hair and whatever that had accumulated in the drain.  Now, instead of taking those clumps and putting them in the garbarge can a mere three feet away, she takes them and puts them in the toilet, a mere TWO feet away.

Doesn't mechanical clearing of the drain usually precede the use of caustics?

Anyway, my last girlfriend had a good story about dining at her neighbors' house for the first time. When they were done eating, the kids were instructed to clear off their plates, and the resident children promptly marched into the bathroom, leaving their parents staring at her expectantly. I think it was spaghetti and meatballs.

I know you're real b/c I've met you, but you're a fucking liar.

You can repress it, but it's all a product of your unconscious mind.

So, here's something.  Do you mean "subconscious"?  I've heard others use "unconscious" in the same manner, and far be it for me to question anyone's word choice, but, the question stands.

Unconscious would mean knocked out or not conscious.
Sunconscious would mean thoughts or what-have-you beneath the conscious.

On the other hand, I suppose I see where unconscious would also fit, as in not in conscious thought.  In which case, what's the difference?

I meant "unconscious mind" in the "psychoanalytic" sense of the source of seemingly acausal events such as the plot twists of sleeping dreams.

Quote from: Powdered Toast Man on February 16, 2010, 03:25:10 PM

Quote from: Oleg on February 16, 2010, 02:53:53 PM

Quote from: Wheezer on February 16, 2010, 02:16:00 PM

Quote from: Richard Chuggar on February 16, 2010, 02:08:13 PM

Quote from: Wheezer on February 16, 2010, 01:19:48 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:26:32 PM
Actually, I have another tale of the liquid garbage can.  On Friday, my cohabitator called and asked me to pick up Drain-o when I came home.  I did so and when I got home, she dutifully took it and began using it on the shower, as her hair was the reason for its clog in the first place.  So, after about an hour, she goes back to the shower stall and lets hot water go down the drain.  Following this, she begins to remove, by hand and paper-clip, some of the clumps of hair and whatever that had accumulated in the drain.  Now, instead of taking those clumps and putting them in the garbarge can a mere three feet away, she takes them and puts them in the toilet, a mere TWO feet away.

Doesn't mechanical clearing of the drain usually precede the use of caustics?

Anyway, my last girlfriend had a good story about dining at her neighbors' house for the first time. When they were done eating, the kids were instructed to clear off their plates, and the resident children promptly marched into the bathroom, leaving their parents staring at her expectantly. I think it was spaghetti and meatballs.

I know you're real b/c I've met you, but you're a fucking liar.

You can repress it, but it's all a product of your unconscious mind.

So, here's something.  Do you mean "subconscious"?  I've heard others use "unconscious" in the same manner, and far be it for me to question anyone's word choice, but, the question stands.

Unconscious would mean knocked out or not conscious.
Sunconscious would mean thoughts or what-have-you beneath the conscious.

On the other hand, I suppose I see where unconscious would also fit, as in not in conscious thought.  In which case, what's the difference?

What the fuck is "sunconscious?"

Quote from: morpheus on February 16, 2010, 02:02:26 PM
(http://www.inmirror.com/files/imagecache/display/files/images/zooey-deshanel-katy-perry.jpg)

Quote from: Day Man on February 16, 2010, 05:03:41 PM

Quote from: morpheus on February 16, 2010, 02:02:26 PM
(http://www.inmirror.com/files/imagecache/display/files/images/zooey-deshanel-katy-perry.jpg)

So would it be...

ZD + Breasts = KP

Quote from: BH on February 16, 2010, 05:05:57 PM

Quote from: Day Man on February 16, 2010, 05:03:41 PM

Quote from: morpheus on February 16, 2010, 02:02:26 PM
(http://www.inmirror.com/files/imagecache/display/files/images/zooey-deshanel-katy-perry.jpg)

So would it be...

ZD + Breasts = KP

Sure. I can see that. I think both are good looking.

Quote from: Powdered Toast Man on February 17, 2010, 07:11:23 AM

Quote from: BH on February 16, 2010, 05:05:57 PM

Quote from: Day Man on February 16, 2010, 05:03:41 PM

Quote from: morpheus on February 16, 2010, 02:02:26 PM
(http://www.inmirror.com/files/imagecache/display/files/images/zooey-deshanel-katy-perry.jpg)

So would it be...

ZD + Breasts = KP

Sure. I can see that. I think both are good looking.

I mean, they're not ugly, but there are certainly hotter broads to look at.  Like, Maggie G.

Quote from: PenFoe on February 18, 2010, 03:12:39 PM
Because this thread is entirely too awesome to end with Maggie Thryllenhaal, I'm bumping for a legit question.

Do you always piss when you take a crap?

Because lately I've been having to go back to the bathroom just a few minutes after the dump because I somehow forget to piss. (Insert Pen is so old joke here).

Just wondering if this is common or if I'm beginning the slow journey into dementia.

Quote from: Yeti on February 18, 2010, 03:15:01 PM

Quote from: PenFoe on February 18, 2010, 03:12:39 PM
Because this thread is entirely too awesome to end with Maggie Thryllenhaal, I'm bumping for a legit question.

Do you always piss when you take a crap?

Because lately I've been having to go back to the bathroom just a few minutes after the dump because I somehow forget to piss. (Insert Pen is so old joke here).

Just wondering if this is common or if I'm beginning the slow journey into dementia.

I piss while I crap on occasion. It's not a commonplace though.

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 18, 2010, 03:19:23 PM

Quote from: Yeti on February 18, 2010, 03:15:01 PM

Quote from: PenFoe on February 18, 2010, 03:12:39 PM
Because this thread is entirely too awesome to end with Maggie Thryllenhaal, I'm bumping for a legit question.

Do you always piss when you take a crap?

Because lately I've been having to go back to the bathroom just a few minutes after the dump because I somehow forget to piss. (Insert Pen is so old joke here).

Just wondering if this is common or if I'm beginning the slow journey into dementia.

I piss while I crap on occasion. It's not a commonplace though.

For me, it's always a given. 

Also, since lunch has long passed you Central Time Zoners, yesterday I had the worst diarrhea known to man.  I think it was a combination of buffalo wings and a Long Island Iced Tea that I had at lunch.

That shit came out like a fucking garden hose.  Burned like a mofo.  It felt like pure stomach acid.

PS - It was a birthday lunch, so drinking was appropriate.  The boss was there, after all.

Quote from: Jon on February 18, 2010, 03:34:37 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 18, 2010, 03:19:23 PM

Quote from: Yeti on February 18, 2010, 03:15:01 PM

Quote from: PenFoe on February 18, 2010, 03:12:39 PM
Because this thread is entirely too awesome to end with Maggie Thryllenhaal, I'm bumping for a legit question.

Do you always piss when you take a crap?

Because lately I've been having to go back to the bathroom just a few minutes after the dump because I somehow forget to piss. (Insert Pen is so old joke here).

Just wondering if this is common or if I'm beginning the slow journey into dementia.

I piss while I crap on occasion. It's not a commonplace though.

For me, it's always a given. 

Also, since lunch has long passed you Central Time Zoners, yesterday I had the worst diarrhea known to man.  I think it was a combination of buffalo wings and a Long Island Iced Tea that I had at lunch.

That shit came out like a fucking garden hose.  Burned like a mofo.  It felt like pure stomach acid.

PS - It was a birthday lunch, so drinking was appropriate.  The boss was there, after all.

Did your boss pay for a trip to the VIP room?

Quote from: PenFoe on February 18, 2010, 03:12:39 PM
Because this thread is entirely too awesome to end with Maggie Thryllenhaal, I'm bumping for a legit question.

Do you always piss when you take a crap?

Because lately I've been having to go back to the bathroom just a few minutes after the dump because I somehow forget to piss. (Insert Pen is so old joke here).

Just wondering if this is common or if I'm beginning the slow journey into dementia.

Quote from: Slack-E on February 18, 2010, 03:53:41 PM
Remember: sometimes poo, always pee.

Quote from: PenFoe on February 18, 2010, 03:55:38 PM

Quote from: Slack-E on February 18, 2010, 03:53:41 PM
Remember: sometimes poo, always pee.

I should write that on the back of my hand.
Or maybe my shoes.

Quote from: BH on February 18, 2010, 03:57:33 PM

Quote from: PenFoe on February 18, 2010, 03:55:38 PM

Quote from: Slack-E on February 18, 2010, 03:53:41 PM
Remember: sometimes poo, always pee.

I should write that on the back of my hand.
Or maybe my shoes.

When you crap you stare at the back of your shoes?
You must be really flexible.

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 18, 2010, 04:13:31 PM
So I just experimented with the sitting method, as advocated by Thrill, et. al.  It has it's merits, assuredly.  However, after two swipes, I reverted to standing for the final pass.  I don't know what this says for the hybrid method, but it works well. 

Quote from: Jon on February 18, 2010, 04:17:44 PM
Pen, are you still monitoring your coworkers bathroom habits?

Quote from: Jon on February 18, 2010, 04:17:44 PM
Pen, are you still monitoring your coworkers bathroom habits? Maybe you should remind them to always pee.

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 18, 2010, 03:19:23 PM
That shit came out like a fucking garden hose.  Burned like a mofo.  It felt like pure stomach acid.

Quote from: Wheezer on February 18, 2010, 04:28:28 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 18, 2010, 03:19:23 PM
That shit came out like a fucking garden hose.  Burned like a mofo.  It felt like pure stomach acid.

The pancreas of course neutralizes gastric juice, leaving undigested capsaicin as the likely culprit here. However--and this is the interesting part--internal hemorrhoidal tissue isn't "supposed" to have sensory innervation. Did it "burn" prior to expulsion?

(http://www.hemorrhoid.net/images/anatomy/fig19_nerves_symp_para1.gif)

Fascinating stuff. It could make a good board game.

(http://www.hemorrhoid.net/images/anatomy/fig3_anus_21.gif)

Quote from: SKO on February 18, 2010, 04:24:12 PM
I had to skip a class last week because I sharted. I was walking, got about halfway to the building, felt the need to let one rip and realized that it hadn't been a dry run. So I just drove him. First time that'd ever happened to me.

Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 18, 2010, 04:33:35 PM

Quote from: SKO on February 18, 2010, 04:24:12 PM
I had to skip a class last week because I sharted. I was walking, got about halfway to the building, felt the need to let one rip and realized that it hadn't been a dry run. So I just drove him. First time that'd ever happened to me.

Rule 3 of Old Man-Hood, per Jack Nicholson: Never trust a fart.

Rule 1: Never pass a urinal.
Rule 2: Never waste a hard-on.

Quote from: Slack-E on February 18, 2010, 03:53:41 PM
Remember: sometimes poo, always pee.

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 18, 2010, 05:40:00 PM
And staying seated while wiping means I don't have to worry about it.

Quote from: Eli on February 18, 2010, 05:44:37 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 18, 2010, 05:40:00 PM
And staying seated while wiping means I don't have to worry about it.

And now we've come full circle, so I think we're done here.

Quote from: PenFoe on February 18, 2010, 05:45:48 PM

Quote from: Eli on February 18, 2010, 05:44:37 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 18, 2010, 05:40:00 PM
And staying seated while wiping means I don't have to worry about it.

And now we've come full circle, so I think we're done here.

But we haven't even discussed paper down vs. toilet seat cover yet!

Quote from: Oleg on February 18, 2010, 05:46:58 PM

Quote from: PenFoe on February 18, 2010, 05:45:48 PM

Quote from: Eli on February 18, 2010, 05:44:37 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 18, 2010, 05:40:00 PM
And staying seated while wiping means I don't have to worry about it.

And now we've come full circle, so I think we're done here.

But we haven't even discussed paper down vs. toilet seat cover yet!

What?  Fucking pussy.

On the other hand, am I the only one who gets a little freaked out when I sit down and the toilet seat is warm?  Obviously, this only happens at work.

Quote from: Oleg on February 18, 2010, 05:46:58 PM

Quote from: PenFoe on February 18, 2010, 05:45:48 PM

Quote from: Eli on February 18, 2010, 05:44:37 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 18, 2010, 05:40:00 PM
And staying seated while wiping means I don't have to worry about it.

And now we've come full circle, so I think we're done here.

But we haven't even discussed paper down vs. toilet seat cover yet!

What?  Fucking pussy.

On the other hand, am I the only one who gets a little freaked out when I sit down and the toilet seat is warm?  Obviously, this only happens at work.

Quote from: PenFoe on February 18, 2010, 05:55:24 PM

Quote from: Oleg on February 18, 2010, 05:46:58 PM

Quote from: PenFoe on February 18, 2010, 05:45:48 PM

Quote from: Eli on February 18, 2010, 05:44:37 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 18, 2010, 05:40:00 PM
And staying seated while wiping means I don't have to worry about it.

And now we've come full circle, so I think we're done here.

But we haven't even discussed paper down vs. toilet seat cover yet!

What?  Fucking pussy.

On the other hand, am I the only one who gets a little freaked out when I sit down and the toilet seat is warm?  Obviously, this only happens at work.

We have Lysol in the bathroom at work.
I just spray it on the rim and wipe it off before sitting.

Quote from: Oleg on February 18, 2010, 06:25:16 PM
So why wasn't that one of the options in your rhetorical question?

I always wipe the seat to be rid of any leftover moisture from the previous occupant.

Wait, why are we talking about this?

Also, once in a while, when I rush into the bathroom and sit down, I get a weird feeling.  Let me explain.

Sometimes, someone walks in who's wearing dress shoes.  Invariably, they make than clanking sound on the tile.  Sometimes, for a split second, I get a weird feeling that I accidentally walked into the women's bathroom.  Anyone else?

Quote from: Slack-E on February 18, 2010, 06:44:33 PM

Quote from: Oleg on February 18, 2010, 06:25:16 PM
So why wasn't that one of the options in your rhetorical question?

I always wipe the seat to be rid of any leftover moisture from the previous occupant.

Wait, why are we talking about this?

Also, once in a while, when I rush into the bathroom and sit down, I get a weird feeling.  Let me explain.

Sometimes, someone walks in who's wearing dress shoes.  Invariably, they make than clanking sound on the tile.  Sometimes, for a split second, I get a weird feeling that I accidentally walked into the women's bathroom.  Anyone else?

I got that feeling once. It was because it was my first day at a new building (200 N Milwaukee) and it just so happened that I got the infamous hot, gurgling feeling that morning. I had to speedwalk to avoid ruining my khakis. The bathrooms were across from each other in an alcove type set up. I took a hard right turn and noticed all of the stalls were empty. Awesome.

I sit down and let 'er rip. This thing had the firepower of 10,000 Patriot missiles and the intensity of a million Ditkas. I think my feet left the ground for a split second. Naturally, as I'm reveling in post-defecatal bliss and mentally celebrating what was surely significant weight loss, I heard the dreaded sound that Oleg mentioned. Clip - clop - clip - clop.

I look down below the stall door. Holy shit.

It's a pair of heels.

Now I remember, in my rush to relieve my burning bowels, that it seemed kind of funny that there weren't any urinals in this particular bathroom.

The time for stealth was nigh. No one had been in the room when I emptied my spine with explosive sound and fury so I knew I wasn't discovered. I lifted my feet off the floor to hide my manly shoes from female eyes.

And I waited.

Finally, the bathroom cleared out. Despite the rather untidy results of my first and only jaunt to the female restroom I knew I wouldn't have any time to wash my hands. I wiped up (sitting, of course) and booked for the door. I peeked out slowly to make sure someone wasn't about to enter and saw I was in the clear. As I said before, the more gender-appropriate bathroom was directly across from the location of my fecal faux-pas.

I made it without a single witness.

Washing my hands I realized I had just done something special.

I took a nasty shit in a lady toilet.

Crown me.

Quote from: MAD on February 18, 2010, 06:48:31 PM

Quote from: Slack-E on February 18, 2010, 06:44:33 PM

Quote from: Oleg on February 18, 2010, 06:25:16 PM
So why wasn't that one of the options in your rhetorical question?

I always wipe the seat to be rid of any leftover moisture from the previous occupant.

Wait, why are we talking about this?

Also, once in a while, when I rush into the bathroom and sit down, I get a weird feeling.  Let me explain.

Sometimes, someone walks in who's wearing dress shoes.  Invariably, they make than clanking sound on the tile.  Sometimes, for a split second, I get a weird feeling that I accidentally walked into the women's bathroom.  Anyone else?

I got that feeling once. It was because it was my first day at a new building (200 N Milwaukee) and it just so happened that I got the infamous hot, gurgling feeling that morning. I had to speedwalk to avoid ruining my khakis. The bathrooms were across from each other in an alcove type set up. I took a hard right turn and noticed all of the stalls were empty. Awesome.

I sit down and let 'er rip. This thing had the firepower of 10,000 Patriot missiles and the intensity of a million Ditkas. I think my feet left the ground for a split second. Naturally, as I'm reveling in post-defecatal bliss and mentally celebrating what was surely significant weight loss, I heard the dreaded sound that Oleg mentioned. Clip - clop - clip - clop.

I look down below the stall door. Holy shit.

It's a pair of heels.

Now I remember, in my rush to relieve my burning bowels, that it seemed kind of funny that there weren't any urinals in this particular bathroom.

The time for stealth was nigh. No one had been in the room when I emptied my spine with explosive sound and fury so I knew I wasn't discovered. I lifted my feet off the floor to hide my manly shoes from female eyes.

And I waited.

Finally, the bathroom cleared out. Despite the rather untidy results of my first and only jaunt to the female restroom I knew I wouldn't have any time to wash my hands. I wiped up (sitting, of course) and booked for the door. I peeked out slowly to make sure someone wasn't about to enter and saw I was in the clear. As I said before, the more gender-appropriate bathroom was directly across from the location of my fecal faux-pas.

I made it without a single witness.

Washing my hands I realized I had just done something special.

I took a nasty shit in a lady toilet.

Crown me.

Gladly.

This post earns a solid gold Desippy.

Quote from: Oleg on February 18, 2010, 06:51:15 PM

Quote from: MAD on February 18, 2010, 06:48:31 PM

Quote from: Slack-E on February 18, 2010, 06:44:33 PM

Quote from: Oleg on February 18, 2010, 06:25:16 PM
So why wasn't that one of the options in your rhetorical question?

I always wipe the seat to be rid of any leftover moisture from the previous occupant.

Wait, why are we talking about this?

Also, once in a while, when I rush into the bathroom and sit down, I get a weird feeling.  Let me explain.

Sometimes, someone walks in who's wearing dress shoes.  Invariably, they make than clanking sound on the tile.  Sometimes, for a split second, I get a weird feeling that I accidentally walked into the women's bathroom.  Anyone else?

I got that feeling once. It was because it was my first day at a new building (200 N Milwaukee) and it just so happened that I got the infamous hot, gurgling feeling that morning. I had to speedwalk to avoid ruining my khakis. The bathrooms were across from each other in an alcove type set up. I took a hard right turn and noticed all of the stalls were empty. Awesome.

I sit down and let 'er rip. This thing had the firepower of 10,000 Patriot missiles and the intensity of a million Ditkas. I think my feet left the ground for a split second. Naturally, as I'm reveling in post-defecatal bliss and mentally celebrating what was surely significant weight loss, I heard the dreaded sound that Oleg mentioned. Clip - clop - clip - clop.

I look down below the stall door. Holy shit.

It's a pair of heels.

Now I remember, in my rush to relieve my burning bowels, that it seemed kind of funny that there weren't any urinals in this particular bathroom.

The time for stealth was nigh. No one had been in the room when I emptied my spine with explosive sound and fury so I knew I wasn't discovered. I lifted my feet off the floor to hide my manly shoes from female eyes.

And I waited.

Finally, the bathroom cleared out. Despite the rather untidy results of my first and only jaunt to the female restroom I knew I wouldn't have any time to wash my hands. I wiped up (sitting, of course) and booked for the door. I peeked out slowly to make sure someone wasn't about to enter and saw I was in the clear. As I said before, the more gender-appropriate bathroom was directly across from the location of my fecal faux-pas.

I made it without a single witness.

Washing my hands I realized I had just done something special.

I took a nasty shit in a lady toilet.

Crown me.

Gladly.

This post earns a solid gold Desippy.

Seconded.  Awesome!

Did you high five the little hispanic dude on your way to the showroom?  I probably would have.  Unless you meant you were int he 300 N building.  Either way...

Quote from: Oleg on February 18, 2010, 05:46:58 PM
On the other hand, am I the only one who gets a little freaked out when I sit down and the toilet seat is warm?  Obviously, this only happens at work.

Quote from: Slack-E on February 18, 2010, 06:44:33 PM

Quote from: Oleg on February 18, 2010, 06:25:16 PM
So why wasn't that one of the options in your rhetorical question?

I always wipe the seat to be rid of any leftover moisture from the previous occupant.

Wait, why are we talking about this?

Also, once in a while, when I rush into the bathroom and sit down, I get a weird feeling.  Let me explain.

Sometimes, someone walks in who's wearing dress shoes.  Invariably, they make than clanking sound on the tile.  Sometimes, for a split second, I get a weird feeling that I accidentally walked into the women's bathroom.  Anyone else?

I got that feeling once. It was because it was my first day at a new building (200 N Milwaukee) and it just so happened that I got the infamous hot, gurgling feeling that morning. I had to speedwalk to avoid ruining my khakis. The bathrooms were across from each other in an alcove type set up. I took a hard right turn and noticed all of the stalls were empty. Awesome.

I sit down and let 'er rip. This thing had the firepower of 10,000 Patriot missiles and the intensity of a million Ditkas. I think my feet left the ground for a split second. Naturally, as I'm reveling in post-defecatal bliss and mentally celebrating what was surely significant weight loss, I heard the dreaded sound that Oleg mentioned. Clip - clop - clip - clop.

I look down below the stall door. Holy shit.

It's a pair of heels.

Now I remember, in my rush to relieve my burning bowels, that it seemed kind of funny that there weren't any urinals in this particular bathroom.

The time for stealth was nigh. No one had been in the room when I emptied my spine with explosive sound and fury so I knew I wasn't discovered. I lifted my feet off the floor to hide my manly shoes from female eyes.

And I waited.

Finally, the bathroom cleared out. Despite the rather untidy results of my first and only jaunt to the female restroom I knew I wouldn't have any time to wash my hands. I wiped up (sitting, of course) and booked for the door. I peeked out slowly to make sure someone wasn't about to enter and saw I was in the clear. As I said before, the more gender-appropriate bathroom was directly across from the location of my fecal faux-pas.

I made it without a single witness.

Washing my hands I realized I had just done something special.

I took a nasty shit in a lady toilet.

Crown me.

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 18, 2010, 10:09:43 PM
BTW, Slak... I bet you didn't flush, did you?

Quote from: Oleg on February 18, 2010, 10:49:30 PM
Here's the thing...there was no toilet paper anywhere in the bowl.  How the fuck?

Quote from: Oleg on February 18, 2010, 10:49:30 PM
Here's the thing...there was no toilet paper anywhere in the bowl.  How the fuck?

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 19, 2010, 12:27:13 AM

Quote from: Oleg on February 18, 2010, 10:49:30 PM
Here's the thing...there was no toilet paper anywhere in the bowl.  How the fuck?

You walked in after JD? (http://www.desipio.com/messageboard/index.php?topic=2956.msg44950#msg44950)

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 19, 2010, 12:27:13 AM

Quote from: Oleg on February 18, 2010, 10:49:30 PM
Here's the thing...there was no toilet paper anywhere in the bowl.  How the fuck?

You walked in after JD? (http://www.desipio.com/messageboard/index.php?topic=2956.msg44950#msg44950)

Quote from: Slack-E on February 18, 2010, 06:44:33 PM

Quote from: Oleg on February 18, 2010, 06:25:16 PM
So why wasn't that one of the options in your rhetorical question?

I always wipe the seat to be rid of any leftover moisture from the previous occupant.

Wait, why are we talking about this?

Also, once in a while, when I rush into the bathroom and sit down, I get a weird feeling.  Let me explain.

Sometimes, someone walks in who's wearing dress shoes.  Invariably, they make than clanking sound on the tile.  Sometimes, for a split second, I get a weird feeling that I accidentally walked into the women's bathroom.  Anyone else?

I got that feeling once. It was because it was my first day at a new building (200 N Milwaukee) and it just so happened that I got the infamous hot, gurgling feeling that morning. I had to speedwalk to avoid ruining my khakis. The bathrooms were across from each other in an alcove type set up. I took a hard right turn and noticed all of the stalls were empty. Awesome.

I sit down and let 'er rip. This thing had the firepower of 10,000 Patriot missiles and the intensity of a million Ditkas. I think my feet left the ground for a split second. Naturally, as I'm reveling in post-defecatal bliss and mentally celebrating what was surely significant weight loss, I heard the dreaded sound that Oleg mentioned. Clip - clop - clip - clop.

I look down below the stall door. Holy shit.

It's a pair of heels.

Now I remember, in my rush to relieve my burning bowels, that it seemed kind of funny that there weren't any urinals in this particular bathroom.

The time for stealth was nigh. No one had been in the room when I emptied my spine with explosive sound and fury so I knew I wasn't discovered. I lifted my feet off the floor to hide my manly shoes from female eyes.

And I waited.

Finally, the bathroom cleared out. Despite the rather untidy results of my first and only jaunt to the female restroom I knew I wouldn't have any time to wash my hands. I wiped up (sitting, of course) and booked for the door. I peeked out slowly to make sure someone wasn't about to enter and saw I was in the clear. As I said before, the more gender-appropriate bathroom was directly across from the location of my fecal faux-pas.

I made it without a single witness.

Washing my hands I realized I had just done something special.

I took a nasty shit in a lady toilet.

Crown me.

Quote from: Oleg on February 18, 2010, 10:49:30 PM


I have never before, and never since, actually looked at another human piece of shit for as long

Quote from: Fork on February 19, 2010, 08:06:27 AM

Quote from: Oleg on February 18, 2010, 10:49:30 PM


I have never before, and never since, actually looked at another human piece of shit for as long

I looked at Aaron Miles once for 10 seconds straight.

Quote from: Internet Apex on February 19, 2010, 07:55:55 AM
Maybe they used one of those anti-bacterial wipes and knowing that those aren't supposed to flush, simply folded it up in a newspaper and trashed it. And turning around to realize the fine work they'd done, they left that for you to admire and ponder. For the rest of your life.

Quote from: Slack-E on February 19, 2010, 08:56:22 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on February 19, 2010, 07:55:55 AM
Maybe they used one of those anti-bacterial wipes and knowing that those aren't supposed to flush, simply folded it up in a newspaper and trashed it. And turning around to realize the fine work they'd done, they left that for you to admire and ponder. For the rest of your life.

That would make it awesome - however knowing where Oleg works, I've seen the same thing and the direct opposite thing too many times to know that your scenario is impossible.

For example, how many times have I walked into a stall only to instinctively recoil in horror at the aftermath of the murder of an entire roll of toilet paper. It sure stinks like someone dooked in there but I'll be damned if I can see anything. It's just paper layered upon paper.

So tell me Desipio - how does this happen? Who wipes their ass with an entire forest and just leaves it there? That's not an art. That's a hate crime.

Quote from: Slack-E on February 19, 2010, 08:56:22 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on February 19, 2010, 07:55:55 AM
Maybe they used one of those anti-bacterial wipes and knowing that those aren't supposed to flush, simply folded it up in a newspaper and trashed it. And turning around to realize the fine work they'd done, they left that for you to admire and ponder. For the rest of your life.

That would make it awesome - however knowing where Oleg works, I've seen the same thing and the direct opposite thing too many times to know that your scenario is impossible.

For example, how many times have I walked into a stall only to instinctively recoil in horror at the aftermath of the murder of an entire roll of toilet paper. It sure stinks like someone dooked in there but I'll be damned if I can see anything. It's just paper layered upon paper.

So tell me Desipio - how does this happen? Who wipes their ass with an entire forest and just leaves it there? That's not an art. That's a hate crime.

Quote from: Waco Kid on February 19, 2010, 09:05:20 AM

Quote from: Slack-E on February 19, 2010, 08:56:22 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on February 19, 2010, 07:55:55 AM
Maybe they used one of those anti-bacterial wipes and knowing that those aren't supposed to flush, simply folded it up in a newspaper and trashed it. And turning around to realize the fine work they'd done, they left that for you to admire and ponder. For the rest of your life.

That would make it awesome - however knowing where Oleg works, I've seen the same thing and the direct opposite thing too many times to know that your scenario is impossible.

For example, how many times have I walked into a stall only to instinctively recoil in horror at the aftermath of the murder of an entire roll of toilet paper. It sure stinks like someone dooked in there but I'll be damned if I can see anything. It's just paper layered upon paper.

So tell me Desipio - how does this happen? Who wipes their ass with an entire forest and just leaves it there? That's not an art. That's a hate crime.

That is certainly is. If that toilet doesn't have enough strength, that forest along with what's lurking underneath could wind up on the floor chasing you from the bathroom.

Quote from: SKO on February 19, 2010, 09:26:11 AM

Quote from: Waco Kid on February 19, 2010, 09:05:20 AM

Quote from: Slack-E on February 19, 2010, 08:56:22 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on February 19, 2010, 07:55:55 AM
Maybe they used one of those anti-bacterial wipes and knowing that those aren't supposed to flush, simply folded it up in a newspaper and trashed it. And turning around to realize the fine work they'd done, they left that for you to admire and ponder. For the rest of your life.

That would make it awesome - however knowing where Oleg works, I've seen the same thing and the direct opposite thing too many times to know that your scenario is impossible.

For example, how many times have I walked into a stall only to instinctively recoil in horror at the aftermath of the murder of an entire roll of toilet paper. It sure stinks like someone dooked in there but I'll be damned if I can see anything. It's just paper layered upon paper.

So tell me Desipio - how does this happen? Who wipes their ass with an entire forest and just leaves it there? That's not an art. That's a hate crime.

That is certainly is. If that toilet doesn't have enough strength, that forest along with what's lurking underneath could wind up on the floor chasing you from the bathroom.

My freshman year at Bradley I lived in the basement of the oldest residence hall on campus. The bathroom on our floor had four stalls. Starting during second semester, at least one of those toilets clogged every day and flooded the entire bathroom, but the odd thing was that the flood-toilet changed every day, so no one knew how to avoid it. You'd go into a perfectly clean bathroom, take a seat in what had been the safe toilet the day before, and settle in to do your business. Next thing you know the guy in the stall next to you flushes and the entire floor is filled with a murky brown water. I had to throw away three pairs of flip-flops because of that. Even worse was when I'd be in the shower and you'd come out to a lagoon of shit on the floor and have to figure out how to make it back to the door without dropping any of the towel/clothes/shampoo/soap etc. It was hell. The bastard maintenance guy in charge of our floor would never actually try to fix the toilets either. He'd just clean up the mess and put a sign on whichever stall he thought was malfunctioning that day. He was typically wrong.

Quote from: Indolent Reader on February 19, 2010, 09:38:48 AM
My sophomore year of college there was a fellow (or lady) who took sheer and utter delight in pooping in various unconventional places.  These ranged from the simple (bathroom sink) to the gloriously horrific (microwave, which he then turned on afterward).  That's all this thread reminds me of.

The best part was the fact that after the cleaning staff "cleaned" the microwave, they then put it right back.  

Quote from: Fork on February 19, 2010, 09:37:45 AM

Quote from: SKO on February 19, 2010, 09:26:11 AM

Quote from: Waco Kid on February 19, 2010, 09:05:20 AM

Quote from: Slack-E on February 19, 2010, 08:56:22 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on February 19, 2010, 07:55:55 AM
Maybe they used one of those anti-bacterial wipes and knowing that those aren't supposed to flush, simply folded it up in a newspaper and trashed it. And turning around to realize the fine work they'd done, they left that for you to admire and ponder. For the rest of your life.

That would make it awesome - however knowing where Oleg works, I've seen the same thing and the direct opposite thing too many times to know that your scenario is impossible.

For example, how many times have I walked into a stall only to instinctively recoil in horror at the aftermath of the murder of an entire roll of toilet paper. It sure stinks like someone dooked in there but I'll be damned if I can see anything. It's just paper layered upon paper.

So tell me Desipio - how does this happen? Who wipes their ass with an entire forest and just leaves it there? That's not an art. That's a hate crime.

That is certainly is. If that toilet doesn't have enough strength, that forest along with what's lurking underneath could wind up on the floor chasing you from the bathroom.

My freshman year at Bradley I lived in the basement of the oldest residence hall on campus. The bathroom on our floor had four stalls. Starting during second semester, at least one of those toilets clogged every day and flooded the entire bathroom, but the odd thing was that the flood-toilet changed every day, so no one knew how to avoid it. You'd go into a perfectly clean bathroom, take a seat in what had been the safe toilet the day before, and settle in to do your business. Next thing you know the guy in the stall next to you flushes and the entire floor is filled with a murky brown water. I had to throw away three pairs of flip-flops because of that. Even worse was when I'd be in the shower and you'd come out to a lagoon of shit on the floor and have to figure out how to make it back to the door without dropping any of the towel/clothes/shampoo/soap etc. It was hell. The bastard maintenance guy in charge of our floor would never actually try to fix the toilets either. He'd just clean up the mess and put a sign on whichever stall he thought was malfunctioning that day. He was typically wrong.

I'm working "lagoon of shit" into at least one conversation today.

Quote from: Fork on February 19, 2010, 09:37:45 AM

Quote from: SKO on February 19, 2010, 09:26:11 AM

Quote from: Waco Kid on February 19, 2010, 09:05:20 AM

Quote from: Slack-E on February 19, 2010, 08:56:22 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on February 19, 2010, 07:55:55 AM
Maybe they used one of those anti-bacterial wipes and knowing that those aren't supposed to flush, simply folded it up in a newspaper and trashed it. And turning around to realize the fine work they'd done, they left that for you to admire and ponder. For the rest of your life.

That would make it awesome - however knowing where Oleg works, I've seen the same thing and the direct opposite thing too many times to know that your scenario is impossible.

For example, how many times have I walked into a stall only to instinctively recoil in horror at the aftermath of the murder of an entire roll of toilet paper. It sure stinks like someone dooked in there but I'll be damned if I can see anything. It's just paper layered upon paper.

So tell me Desipio - how does this happen? Who wipes their ass with an entire forest and just leaves it there? That's not an art. That's a hate crime.

That is certainly is. If that toilet doesn't have enough strength, that forest along with what's lurking underneath could wind up on the floor chasing you from the bathroom.

My freshman year at Bradley I lived in the basement of the oldest residence hall on campus. The bathroom on our floor had four stalls. Starting during second semester, at least one of those toilets clogged every day and flooded the entire bathroom, but the odd thing was that the flood-toilet changed every day, so no one knew how to avoid it. You'd go into a perfectly clean bathroom, take a seat in what had been the safe toilet the day before, and settle in to do your business. Next thing you know the guy in the stall next to you flushes and the entire floor is filled with a murky brown water. I had to throw away three pairs of flip-flops because of that. Even worse was when I'd be in the shower and you'd come out to a lagoon of shit on the floor and have to figure out how to make it back to the door without dropping any of the towel/clothes/shampoo/soap etc. It was hell. The bastard maintenance guy in charge of our floor would never actually try to fix the toilets either. He'd just clean up the mess and put a sign on whichever stall he thought was malfunctioning that day. He was typically wrong.

I'm working "lagoon of shit" into at least one conversation today.

Quote from: Indolent Reader on February 19, 2010, 09:38:48 AM
My sophomore year of college there was a fellow (or lady) who took sheer and utter delight in pooping in various unconventional places.  These ranged from the simple (bathroom sink) to the gloriously horrific (microwave, which he then turned on afterward).  That's all this thread reminds me of.

The best part was the fact that after the cleaning staff "cleaned" the microwave, they then put it right back.  

Quote from: Richard Chuggar on February 19, 2010, 10:29:51 AM

Quote from: Indolent Reader on February 19, 2010, 09:38:48 AM
My sophomore year of college there was a fellow (or lady) who took sheer and utter delight in pooping in various unconventional places.  These ranged from the simple (bathroom sink) to the gloriously horrific (microwave, which he then turned on afterward).  That's all this thread reminds me of.

The best part was the fact that after the cleaning staff "cleaned" the microwave, they then put it right back.  

We get it, you're a liar.

Quote from: Richard Chuggar on February 19, 2010, 10:29:51 AM

Quote from: Indolent Reader on February 19, 2010, 09:38:48 AM
My sophomore year of college there was a fellow (or lady) who took sheer and utter delight in pooping in various unconventional places.  These ranged from the simple (bathroom sink) to the gloriously horrific (microwave, which he then turned on afterward).  That's all this thread reminds me of.

The best part was the fact that after the cleaning staff "cleaned" the microwave, they then put it right back.  

We get it, you're a liar.

Quote from: Indolent Reader on February 19, 2010, 09:38:48 AM
My sophomore year of college there was a fellow (or lady) who took sheer and utter delight in pooping in various unconventional places.  These ranged from the simple (bathroom sink) to the gloriously horrific (microwave, which he then turned on afterward).  That's all this thread reminds me of.

The best part was the fact that after the cleaning staff "cleaned" the microwave, they then put it right back.  

Quote from: Waco Kid on February 19, 2010, 11:14:26 AM
A friend of ours college used to do what he called power shitting, basically shitting in the least amount of time possible. He would head to the bathroom, crap, wipe, and return somewhere in between 30-40 seconds.

Quote from: PenFoe on February 19, 2010, 11:18:11 AM

Quote from: Waco Kid on February 19, 2010, 11:14:26 AM
A friend of ours college used to do what he called power shitting, basically shitting in the least amount of time possible. He would head to the bathroom, crap, wipe, and return somewhere in between 30-40 seconds.

I don't get this at all.
I'm a "print out a decent length article" kind of guy.

A few moments of peace, if you ask me.

Quote from: Jon on February 19, 2010, 11:21:27 AM

Quote from: PenFoe on February 19, 2010, 11:18:11 AM

Quote from: Waco Kid on February 19, 2010, 11:14:26 AM
A friend of ours college used to do what he called power shitting, basically shitting in the least amount of time possible. He would head to the bathroom, crap, wipe, and return somewhere in between 30-40 seconds.

I don't get this at all.
I'm a "print out a decent length article" kind of guy.

A few moments of peace, if you ask me.

Yeah. It seems like a waste of a perfectly good excuse for a break.

Quote from: Waco Kid on February 19, 2010, 11:14:26 AM
A friend of ours college used to do what he called power shitting, basically shitting in the least amount of time possible. He would head to the bathroom, crap, wipe, and return somewhere in between 30-40 seconds.

Quote from: Slack-E on February 19, 2010, 11:36:37 AM

Quote from: Jon on February 19, 2010, 11:21:27 AM

Quote from: PenFoe on February 19, 2010, 11:18:11 AM

Quote from: Waco Kid on February 19, 2010, 11:14:26 AM
A friend of ours college used to do what he called power shitting, basically shitting in the least amount of time possible. He would head to the bathroom, crap, wipe, and return somewhere in between 30-40 seconds.

I don't get this at all.
I'm a "print out a decent length article" kind of guy.

A few moments of peace, if you ask me.

Yeah. It seems like a waste of a perfectly good excuse for a break.

I can understand powershitting in college. You want to get back to general goodtimery with your friends. Powershitting at work is inexcusable.

Quote from: PenFoe on February 19, 2010, 11:45:54 AM

Quote from: Slack-E on February 19, 2010, 11:36:37 AM

Quote from: Jon on February 19, 2010, 11:21:27 AM

Quote from: PenFoe on February 19, 2010, 11:18:11 AM

Quote from: Waco Kid on February 19, 2010, 11:14:26 AM
A friend of ours college used to do what he called power shitting, basically shitting in the least amount of time possible. He would head to the bathroom, crap, wipe, and return somewhere in between 30-40 seconds.

I don't get this at all.
I'm a "print out a decent length article" kind of guy.

A few moments of peace, if you ask me.

Yeah. It seems like a waste of a perfectly good excuse for a break.

I can understand powershitting in college. You want to get back to general goodtimery with your friends. Powershitting at work is inexcusable.

Whatever, you just take your one-hitter into the can with you and resume pulling tubes once you're done.

Quote from: Slack-E on February 19, 2010, 11:46:54 AM

Quote from: PenFoe on February 19, 2010, 11:45:54 AM

Quote from: Slack-E on February 19, 2010, 11:36:37 AM

Quote from: Jon on February 19, 2010, 11:21:27 AM

Quote from: PenFoe on February 19, 2010, 11:18:11 AM

Quote from: Waco Kid on February 19, 2010, 11:14:26 AM
A friend of ours college used to do what he called power shitting, basically shitting in the least amount of time possible. He would head to the bathroom, crap, wipe, and return somewhere in between 30-40 seconds.

I don't get this at all.
I'm a "print out a decent length article" kind of guy.

A few moments of peace, if you ask me.

Yeah. It seems like a waste of a perfectly good excuse for a break.

I can understand powershitting in college. You want to get back to general goodtimery with your friends. Powershitting at work is inexcusable.

Whatever, you just take your one-hitter into the can with you and resume pulling tubes once you're done.

I need a time machine, pronto.

Quote from: PenFoe on February 19, 2010, 11:45:54 AM

Quote from: Slack-E on February 19, 2010, 11:36:37 AM

Quote from: Jon on February 19, 2010, 11:21:27 AM

Quote from: PenFoe on February 19, 2010, 11:18:11 AM

Quote from: Waco Kid on February 19, 2010, 11:14:26 AM
A friend of ours college used to do what he called power shitting, basically shitting in the least amount of time possible. He would head to the bathroom, crap, wipe, and return somewhere in between 30-40 seconds.

I don't get this at all.
I'm a "print out a decent length article" kind of guy.

A few moments of peace, if you ask me.

Yeah. It seems like a waste of a perfectly good excuse for a break.

I can understand powershitting in college. You want to get back to general goodtimery with your friends. Powershitting at work is inexcusable.

Whatever, you just take your one-hitter into the can with you and resume pulling tubes once you're done.

Quote from: Waco Kid on February 19, 2010, 11:14:26 AM
A friend of ours college used to do what he called power shitting, basically shitting in the least amount of time possible. He would head to the bathroom, crap, wipe, and return somewhere in between 30-40 seconds.

Quote from: MAD on February 18, 2010, 05:15:49 PMAt some juncture, we found ourselves on some distant hole--quite possibly the furthest point from the clubhouse, when I felt my stomach gurgle and a poopstrom coming on.

Quote from: R-V on March 03, 2010, 01:07:29 PM

Quote from: MAD on February 18, 2010, 05:15:49 PMAt some juncture, we found ourselves on some distant hole--quite possibly the furthest point from the clubhouse, when I felt my stomach gurgle and a poopstrom coming on.

1. How did I miss this thread? Pure awesome.
2. Is that a Steve Stenstrom reference?
3. In the interest of keeping this thread alive, anybody ever shat in the ocean? It's like a water birth, except with more dingleberries.

Quote from: R-V on March 03, 2010, 01:07:29 PM

Quote from: MAD on February 18, 2010, 05:15:49 PMAt some juncture, we found ourselves on some distant hole--quite possibly the furthest point from the clubhouse, when I felt my stomach gurgle and a poopstrom coming on.

1. How did I miss this thread? Pure awesome.
2. Is that a Steve Stenstrom reference?
3. In the interest of keeping this thread alive, anybody ever shat in the ocean? It's like a water birth, except with more dingleberries.

Quote from: R-V on March 03, 2010, 01:07:29 PM
In the interest of keeping this thread alive, anybody ever shat in the ocean? It's like a water birth, except with more dingleberries.

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 03, 2010, 01:27:30 PM

Quote from: R-V on March 03, 2010, 01:07:29 PM
In the interest of keeping this thread alive, anybody ever shat in the ocean? It's like a water birth, except with more dingleberries.

Brocation cred climbing...

Quote from: R-V on March 03, 2010, 01:45:35 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 03, 2010, 01:27:30 PM

Quote from: R-V on March 03, 2010, 01:07:29 PM
In the interest of keeping this thread alive, anybody ever shat in the ocean? It's like a water birth, except with more dingleberries.

Brocation cred climbing...

Bros gotta do what other bros dare them to do, chief.

Actually, it was a poop emergency and the boat's shitter was on the fritz. I do not recommend the ocean grumpler.

Quote from: Wheezer on March 03, 2010, 01:48:42 PM

Quote from: R-V on March 03, 2010, 01:45:35 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 03, 2010, 01:27:30 PM

Quote from: R-V on March 03, 2010, 01:07:29 PM
In the interest of keeping this thread alive, anybody ever shat in the ocean? It's like a water birth, except with more dingleberries.

Brocation cred climbing...

Bros gotta do what other bros dare them to do, chief.

Actually, it was a poop emergency and the boat's shitter was on the fritz. I do not recommend the ocean grumpler.

Were you floating on your back? Was it an effective method of propulsion?

Quote from: R-V on March 03, 2010, 01:45:35 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 03, 2010, 01:27:30 PM

Quote from: R-V on March 03, 2010, 01:07:29 PM
In the interest of keeping this thread alive, anybody ever shat in the ocean? It's like a water birth, except with more dingleberries.

Brocation cred climbing...

Bros gotta do what other bros dare them to do, chief.

Actually, it was a poop emergency and the boat's shitter was on the fritz. I do not recommend the ocean grumpler.

Quote from: Chuck to Chuck on March 03, 2010, 02:09:07 PM

Quote from: R-V on March 03, 2010, 01:45:35 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 03, 2010, 01:27:30 PM

Quote from: R-V on March 03, 2010, 01:07:29 PM
In the interest of keeping this thread alive, anybody ever shat in the ocean? It's like a water birth, except with more dingleberries.

Brocation cred climbing...

Bros gotta do what other bros dare them to do, chief.

Actually, it was a poop emergency and the boat's shitter was on the fritz. I do not recommend the ocean grumpler.

Every other animal shits in the ocean.  Why not humans?

Quote from: TDubbsHow can shitting in the ocean be gross?

QuoteWe do have some strange habits in that department in Europe too, though. I was in Austria recently, and the airport toilets are designed so that your crap does not fall into the water, but instead sits out on a shelf in the air, where it can be closely examined before being flushed away. This has the delightful effect of allowing a large deposit to pile high enough to touch the buttocks.

Quote from: Wheezer on March 30, 2010, 02:14:50 PM
Hmph. From a comment at scienceblogs.com:

QuoteWe do have some strange habits in that department in Europe too, though. I was in Austria recently, and the airport toilets are designed so that your crap does not fall into the water, but instead sits out on a shelf in the air, where it can be closely examined before being flushed away. This has the delightful effect of allowing a large deposit to pile high enough to touch the buttocks.

Quote from: Slaky on March 30, 2010, 03:21:33 PM

Quote from: Wheezer on March 30, 2010, 02:14:50 PM
Hmph. From a comment at scienceblogs.com:

QuoteWe do have some strange habits in that department in Europe too, though. I was in Austria recently, and the airport toilets are designed so that your crap does not fall into the water, but instead sits out on a shelf in the air, where it can be closely examined before being flushed away. This has the delightful effect of allowing a large deposit to pile high enough to touch the buttocks.

Not to mention the stink. Does anything smell worse than poo out of water?

Quote from: Gilgamesh on March 30, 2010, 03:26:54 PM
More news about poop. (http://www.alternet.org/food/146163/poop_is_the_most_important_indicator_of_your_health)

QuoteThey do it in plastic bags and fling them through the air in narrow slum alleyways.

Quote from: Yeti on March 30, 2010, 03:24:30 PM

Quote from: Slaky on March 30, 2010, 03:21:33 PM

Quote from: Wheezer on March 30, 2010, 02:14:50 PM
Hmph. From a comment at scienceblogs.com:

QuoteWe do have some strange habits in that department in Europe too, though. I was in Austria recently, and the airport toilets are designed so that your crap does not fall into the water, but instead sits out on a shelf in the air, where it can be closely examined before being flushed away. This has the delightful effect of allowing a large deposit to pile high enough to touch the buttocks.

Not to mention the stink. Does anything smell worse than poo out of water?

St. Louis?

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
This thread from the same people who once acted outraged when I suggested that the Andy Dolan Special sounded like some kind of scat game?

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
Shenanigans. 

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 30, 2010, 04:49:15 PM

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
This thread from the same people who once acted outraged when I suggested that the Andy Dolan Special sounded like some kind of scat game?

That wasn't outrage.

We were just dumbfounded by how profoundly unfunny you are.

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
Shenanigans. 

Is this your new bit or something?

Quote from: Gilgamesh on March 30, 2010, 04:51:17 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 30, 2010, 04:49:15 PM

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
This thread from the same people who once acted outraged when I suggested that the Andy Dolan Special sounded like some kind of scat game?

That wasn't outrage.

We were just dumbfounded by how profoundly unfunny you are.

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
Shenanigans. 

Is this your new bit or something?

Canada just got "Super Troopers."

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 30, 2010, 05:04:40 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on March 30, 2010, 04:51:17 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 30, 2010, 04:49:15 PM

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
This thread from the same people who once acted outraged when I suggested that the Andy Dolan Special sounded like some kind of scat game?

That wasn't outrage.

We were just dumbfounded by how profoundly unfunny you are.

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
Shenanigans. 

Is this your new bit or something?

Canada just got "Super Troopers."

Intrepid Reader: PenFoe

Never heard of it.

Quote from: Slaky on March 30, 2010, 03:21:33 PM

Quote from: Wheezer on March 30, 2010, 02:14:50 PM
Hmph. From a comment at scienceblogs.com:

QuoteWe do have some strange habits in that department in Europe too, though. I was in Austria recently, and the airport toilets are designed so that your crap does not fall into the water, but instead sits out on a shelf in the air, where it can be closely examined before being flushed away. This has the delightful effect of allowing a large deposit to pile high enough to touch the buttocks.

Not to mention the stink. Does anything smell worse than poo out of water?

QuoteCunningly, the five star hotel had placed a huge jet-engine-like suction tube placed about a foot from the shelf to suck the noxious odours away.

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 30, 2010, 04:49:15 PM

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
This thread from the same people who once acted outraged when I suggested that the Andy Dolan Special sounded like some kind of scat game?

That wasn't outrage.

We were just dumbfounded by how profoundly unfunny you are.

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
Shenanigans. 

Is this your new bit or something?

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 30, 2010, 05:04:40 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on March 30, 2010, 04:51:17 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 30, 2010, 04:49:15 PM

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
This thread from the same people who once acted outraged when I suggested that the Andy Dolan Special sounded like some kind of scat game?

That wasn't outrage.

We were just dumbfounded by how profoundly unfunny you are.

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
Shenanigans. 

Is this your new bit or something?

Canada just got "Super Troopers."

Intrepid Reader: PenFoe

Never heard of it.

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 05:15:15 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 30, 2010, 04:49:15 PM

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
This thread from the same people who once acted outraged when I suggested that the Andy Dolan Special sounded like some kind of scat game?

That wasn't outrage.

We were just dumbfounded by how profoundly unfunny you are.

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
Shenanigans. 

Is this your new bit or something?

You have participated in a 13-page internet message board thread on POOP.  Anything else you might say on any subject is irrelevant to how ridiculously lame you are.

Quote from: Gilgamesh on March 30, 2010, 05:26:00 PM

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 05:15:15 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 30, 2010, 04:49:15 PM

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
This thread from the same people who once acted outraged when I suggested that the Andy Dolan Special sounded like some kind of scat game?

That wasn't outrage.

We were just dumbfounded by how profoundly unfunny you are.

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
Shenanigans. 

Is this your new bit or something?

You have participated in a 13-page internet message board thread on POOP.  Anything else you might say on any subject is irrelevant to how ridiculously lame you are.

Kurt is too cool for this thread, you unmarried, American losers.

Quote from: Oleg on March 30, 2010, 06:03:25 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on March 30, 2010, 05:26:00 PM

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 05:15:15 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 30, 2010, 04:49:15 PM

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
This thread from the same people who once acted outraged when I suggested that the Andy Dolan Special sounded like some kind of scat game?

That wasn't outrage.

We were just dumbfounded by how profoundly unfunny you are.

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
Shenanigans. 

Is this your new bit or something?

You have participated in a 13-page internet message board thread on POOP.  Anything else you might say on any subject is irrelevant to how ridiculously lame you are.

Kurt is too cool for this thread, you unmarried, American losers.

I wish he would tell us what his girlfriend's fiance's wife's poop looks like.  Or maybe about that one time when they both had to poop at the same time and he wanted to wait till she pooped but then had to hold it longer because it stunk so bad.  I'm sure he has a boatload of stories that involve him and his whatever she is to him now.  Or, maybe he'll just tell us about how Toronto public toilets are better than Chicago's.

Come on, Kurt!  Don't leave us hanging!  I need closure to these anecdotes!

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 06:30:28 PM

Quote from: Oleg on March 30, 2010, 06:03:25 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on March 30, 2010, 05:26:00 PM

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 05:15:15 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 30, 2010, 04:49:15 PM

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
This thread from the same people who once acted outraged when I suggested that the Andy Dolan Special sounded like some kind of scat game?

That wasn't outrage.

We were just dumbfounded by how profoundly unfunny you are.

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
Shenanigans. 

Is this your new bit or something?

You have participated in a 13-page internet message board thread on POOP.  Anything else you might say on any subject is irrelevant to how ridiculously lame you are.

Kurt is too cool for this thread, you unmarried, American losers.

I wish he would tell us what his girlfriend's fiance's wife's poop looks like.  Or maybe about that one time when they both had to poop at the same time and he wanted to wait till she pooped but then had to hold it longer because it stunk so bad.  I'm sure he has a boatload of stories that involve him and his whatever she is to him now.  Or, maybe he'll just tell us about how Toronto public toilets are better than Chicago's.

Come on, Kurt!  Don't leave us hanging!  I need closure to these anecdotes!

This is how you write your 1908th post?  I'm still trying to get through it, but I zone out a sentence into your stoner ramble.  Oleg, you can do a little better than that.

Get it?  A little better?  BECAUSE YOU'RE SO SHORT!!!1!11!

Quote from: Oleg on March 30, 2010, 06:03:25 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on March 30, 2010, 05:26:00 PM

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 05:15:15 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 30, 2010, 04:49:15 PM

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
This thread from the same people who once acted outraged when I suggested that the Andy Dolan Special sounded like some kind of scat game?

That wasn't outrage.

We were just dumbfounded by how profoundly unfunny you are.

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
Shenanigans. 

Is this your new bit or something?

You have participated in a 13-page internet message board thread on POOP.  Anything else you might say on any subject is irrelevant to how ridiculously lame you are.

Kurt is too cool for this thread, you unmarried, American losers.

I wish he would tell us what his girlfriend's fiance's wife's poop looks like.  Or maybe about that one time when they both had to poop at the same time and he wanted to wait till she pooped but then had to hold it longer because it stunk so bad.  I'm sure he has a boatload of stories that involve him and his whatever she is to him now.  Or, maybe he'll just tell us about how Toronto public toilets are better than Chicago's.

Come on, Kurt!  Don't leave us hanging!  I need closure to these anecdotes!

Quote from: Yeti on March 30, 2010, 07:42:33 PM

Quote from: Oleg on March 30, 2010, 06:03:25 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on March 30, 2010, 05:26:00 PM

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 05:15:15 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 30, 2010, 04:49:15 PM

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
This thread from the same people who once acted outraged when I suggested that the Andy Dolan Special sounded like some kind of scat game?

That wasn't outrage.

We were just dumbfounded by how profoundly unfunny you are.

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
Shenanigans.  

Is this your new bit or something?

You have participated in a 13-page internet message board thread on POOP.  Anything else you might say on any subject is irrelevant to how ridiculously lame you are.

Kurt is too cool for this thread, you unmarried, American losers.

I wish he would tell us what his girlfriend's fiance's wife's poop looks like.  Or maybe about that one time when they both had to poop at the same time and he wanted to wait till she pooped but then had to hold it longer because it stunk so bad.  I'm sure he has a boatload of stories that involve him and his whatever she is to him now.  Or, maybe he'll just tell us about how Toronto public toilets are better than Chicago's.

Come on, Kurt!  Don't leave us hanging!  I need closure to these anecdotes!

Oleg's post made me smile. BTW hippie, I'm coming north soon. Probably early May. I expect you to be there for the party. I'm going to follow in your footsteps in the art of findin' tail to take home (or TDubbs')

Quote from: Internet Apex on March 30, 2010, 07:45:56 PM
Oleg can help you find a lot of useful things. I don't know that tail is on the list.

Quote from: Bort on March 30, 2010, 07:39:58 PM
What the hell is going on here? I leave the internet for a few minutes and STRIFE has been brought to the poop thread?

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 09:55:08 PM
Sorry to ruin your thread about CRAPPING.

Quote from: Gilgamesh on March 30, 2010, 05:26:00 PM

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 05:15:15 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 30, 2010, 04:49:15 PM

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
This thread from the same people who once acted outraged when I suggested that the Andy Dolan Special sounded like some kind of scat game?

That wasn't outrage.

We were just dumbfounded by how profoundly unfunny you are.

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
Shenanigans. 

Is this your new bit or something?

You have participated in a 13-page internet message board thread on POOP.  Anything else you might say on any subject is irrelevant to how ridiculously lame you are.

Kurt is too cool for this thread, you unmarried, American losers.

Quote from: Yeti on March 30, 2010, 07:42:33 PM

Quote from: Oleg on March 30, 2010, 06:03:25 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on March 30, 2010, 05:26:00 PM

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 05:15:15 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 30, 2010, 04:49:15 PM

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
This thread from the same people who once acted outraged when I suggested that the Andy Dolan Special sounded like some kind of scat game?

That wasn't outrage.

We were just dumbfounded by how profoundly unfunny you are.

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
Shenanigans. 

Is this your new bit or something?

You have participated in a 13-page internet message board thread on POOP.  Anything else you might say on any subject is irrelevant to how ridiculously lame you are.

Kurt is too cool for this thread, you unmarried, American losers.

I wish he would tell us what his girlfriend's fiance's wife's poop looks like.  Or maybe about that one time when they both had to poop at the same time and he wanted to wait till she pooped but then had to hold it longer because it stunk so bad.  I'm sure he has a boatload of stories that involve him and his whatever she is to him now.  Or, maybe he'll just tell us about how Toronto public toilets are better than Chicago's.

Come on, Kurt!  Don't leave us hanging!  I need closure to these anecdotes!

Oleg's post made me smile. BTW hippie, I'm coming north soon. Probably early May. I expect you to be there for the party. I'm going to follow in your footsteps in the art of findin' tail to take home (or TDubbs')

Quote from: CT III on March 30, 2010, 10:07:45 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on March 30, 2010, 05:26:00 PM

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 05:15:15 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 30, 2010, 04:49:15 PM

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
This thread from the same people who once acted outraged when I suggested that the Andy Dolan Special sounded like some kind of scat game?

That wasn't outrage.

We were just dumbfounded by how profoundly unfunny you are.

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
Shenanigans. 

Is this your new bit or something?

You have participated in a 13-page internet message board thread on POOP.  Anything else you might say on any subject is irrelevant to how ridiculously lame you are.

Kurt is too cool for this thread, you unmarried, American losers.

I'm married, jerk.

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 30, 2010, 11:20:54 PM

Quote from: CT III on March 30, 2010, 10:07:45 PM

Quote from: Gilgamesh on March 30, 2010, 05:26:00 PM

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 05:15:15 PM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 30, 2010, 04:49:15 PM

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
This thread from the same people who once acted outraged when I suggested that the Andy Dolan Special sounded like some kind of scat game?

That wasn't outrage.

We were just dumbfounded by how profoundly unfunny you are.

Quote from: Canadouche on March 30, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
Shenanigans. 

Is this your new bit or something?

You have participated in a 13-page internet message board thread on POOP.  Anything else you might say on any subject is irrelevant to how ridiculously lame you are.

Kurt is too cool for this thread, you unmarried, American losers.

I'm married, jerk.

And I notice you never mention your girlfriend during our awesome conversations. Funny how that works.

Quote from: Wheezer on March 30, 2010, 02:14:50 PM
Hmph. From a comment at scienceblogs.com:

QuoteWe do have some strange habits in that department in Europe too, though. I was in Austria recently, and the airport toilets are designed so that your crap does not fall into the water, but instead sits out on a shelf in the air, where it can be closely examined before being flushed away. This has the delightful effect of allowing a large deposit to pile high enough to touch the buttocks.

Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 06:07:43 AM

Quote from: Wheezer on March 30, 2010, 02:14:50 PM
Hmph. From a comment at scienceblogs.com:

QuoteWe do have some strange habits in that department in Europe too, though. I was in Austria recently, and the airport toilets are designed so that your crap does not fall into the water, but instead sits out on a shelf in the air, where it can be closely examined before being flushed away. This has the delightful effect of allowing a large deposit to pile high enough to touch the buttocks.

All the toilets in my house (and indeed, all the toilets in all my previous homes in NL and DE) have this inspection shelf.  The hit rate for putting my hand in my own poo when I reach down to wipe my arse is around 30%.

Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 06:07:43 AM

Quote from: Wheezer on March 30, 2010, 02:14:50 PM
Hmph. From a comment at scienceblogs.com:

QuoteWe do have some strange habits in that department in Europe too, though. I was in Austria recently, and the airport toilets are designed so that your crap does not fall into the water, but instead sits out on a shelf in the air, where it can be closely examined before being flushed away. This has the delightful effect of allowing a large deposit to pile high enough to touch the buttocks.

All the toilets in my house (and indeed, all the toilets in all my previous homes in NL and DE) have this inspection shelf.  The hit rate for putting my hand in my own poo when I reach down to wipe my arse is around 30%.

Quote from: Richard Chuggar on March 31, 2010, 07:50:31 AM

Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 06:07:43 AM

Quote from: Wheezer on March 30, 2010, 02:14:50 PM
Hmph. From a comment at scienceblogs.com:

QuoteWe do have some strange habits in that department in Europe too, though. I was in Austria recently, and the airport toilets are designed so that your crap does not fall into the water, but instead sits out on a shelf in the air, where it can be closely examined before being flushed away. This has the delightful effect of allowing a large deposit to pile high enough to touch the buttocks.

All the toilets in my house (and indeed, all the toilets in all my previous homes in NL and DE) have this inspection shelf.  The hit rate for putting my hand in my own poo when I reach down to wipe my arse is around 30%.

What the fuck is wrong with you?
Can't you take the shelf out?  Break it?  Get a new toilet?

Quote from: Internet Apex on March 31, 2010, 07:55:29 AM
How in hell do you piss on that without soaking your entire bathroom with splashback?

Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 07:58:26 AM
This is the kind of thing I'm talking about :

(http://jingalex.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/toilet_bowl.jpg)

As you can see, the shelf is an integral part of the toilet itself.  You can't take it out or break it off.  And you can, of course, buy a new toilet but it will look exactly like the last one because in Continental Europe, this is all we know.

I presume it's to try and avoid poo-splashback, which is a risk with your non-inspection toilet - although the judicious use of a pap baffle would solve that problem, too.

In any event, I'm not trying to justify it - I'm merely telling you how it is.

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 31, 2010, 07:58:12 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on March 31, 2010, 07:55:29 AM
How in hell do you piss on that without soaking your entire bathroom with splashback?

Euros probably sit to pee.

Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 08:00:12 AM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 31, 2010, 07:58:12 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on March 31, 2010, 07:55:29 AM
How in hell do you piss on that without soaking your entire bathroom with splashback?

Euros probably sit to pee.

I have encountered a great many more Sitzpissers in mainland Europe than I ever did in the UK, that's for sure.

Quote from: Internet Apex on March 31, 2010, 08:02:43 AM

Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 08:00:12 AM

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 31, 2010, 07:58:12 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on March 31, 2010, 07:55:29 AM
How in hell do you piss on that without soaking your entire bathroom with splashback?

Euros probably sit to pee.

I have encountered a great many more Sitzpissers in mainland Europe than I ever did in the UK, that's for sure.

So the UK doesn't use this kind of atrocity? I feel lots better about that. And "Pap Baffle?" Please explain. You may redeem yourself yet.

Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 08:08:16 AM
And how, if you all have plunge-toilets, can you not know what a pap baffle (http://www.milkinfirst.com/dictionary/p.htm) is?

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 31, 2010, 08:18:28 AM

Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 08:08:16 AM
And how, if you all have plunge-toilets, can you not know what a pap baffle (http://www.milkinfirst.com/dictionary/p.htm) is?

Wow... Have the Brits finally given us something useful?

Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 07:58:26 AM
This is the kind of thing I'm talking about :

(http://jingalex.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/toilet_bowl.jpg)

As you can see, the shelf is an integral part of the toilet itself.  You can't take it out or break it off.  And you can, of course, buy a new toilet but it will look exactly like the last one because in Continental Europe, this is all we know.

I presume it's to try and avoid poo-splashback, which is a risk with your non-inspection toilet - although the judicious use of a pap baffle would solve that problem, too.

In any event, I'm not trying to justify it - I'm merely telling you how it is.

Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 07:58:26 AM
This is the kind of thing I'm talking about :

(http://jingalex.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/toilet_bowl.jpg)

As you can see, the shelf is an integral part of the toilet itself.  You can't take it out or break it off.  And you can, of course, buy a new toilet but it will look exactly like the last one because in Continental Europe, this is all we know.

I presume it's to try and avoid poo-splashback, which is a risk with your non-inspection toilet - although the judicious use of a pap baffle would solve that problem, too.

In any event, I'm not trying to justify it - I'm merely telling you how it is.

Quote from: Richard Chuggar on March 31, 2010, 08:28:18 AM

Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 07:58:26 AM
This is the kind of thing I'm talking about :

(http://jingalex.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/toilet_bowl.jpg)

As you can see, the shelf is an integral part of the toilet itself.  You can't take it out or break it off.  And you can, of course, buy a new toilet but it will look exactly like the last one because in Continental Europe, this is all we know.

I presume it's to try and avoid poo-splashback, which is a risk with your non-inspection toilet - although the judicious use of a pap baffle would solve that problem, too.

In any event, I'm not trying to justify it - I'm merely telling you how it is.

You should get your wife to scrub your toilet.  Not a euphemism.

Quote from: Oleg on March 31, 2010, 08:46:45 AM

Quote from: Richard Chuggar on March 31, 2010, 08:28:18 AM

Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 07:58:26 AM
This is the kind of thing I'm talking about :

(http://jingalex.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/toilet_bowl.jpg)

As you can see, the shelf is an integral part of the toilet itself.  You can't take it out or break it off.  And you can, of course, buy a new toilet but it will look exactly like the last one because in Continental Europe, this is all we know.

I presume it's to try and avoid poo-splashback, which is a risk with your non-inspection toilet - although the judicious use of a pap baffle would solve that problem, too.

In any event, I'm not trying to justify it - I'm merely telling you how it is.

You should get your wife to scrub your toilet.  Not a euphemism.

I'm pretending it is.

Quote from: Richard Chuggar on March 31, 2010, 08:28:18 AM

Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 07:58:26 AM
This is the kind of thing I'm talking about :

(http://jingalex.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/toilet_bowl.jpg)

As you can see, the shelf is an integral part of the toilet itself.  You can't take it out or break it off.  And you can, of course, buy a new toilet but it will look exactly like the last one because in Continental Europe, this is all we know.

I presume it's to try and avoid poo-splashback, which is a risk with your non-inspection toilet - although the judicious use of a pap baffle would solve that problem, too.

In any event, I'm not trying to justify it - I'm merely telling you how it is.

You should get your wife to scrub your toilet.  Not a euphemism.

Quote from: Bort on March 31, 2010, 09:10:28 AM
The more I think about this, the angrier I am at Europe. The band.

Because why would you name your band after a place with such fucked up toilets?

Quote from: Fork on March 31, 2010, 09:27:03 AM

Quote from: Bort on March 31, 2010, 09:10:28 AM
The more I think about this, the angrier I am at Europe. The band.

Because why would you name your band after a place with such fucked up toilets?

Do you also have issues with W.C. Fields?

Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 07:58:26 AM
This is the kind of thing I'm talking about :

(http://jingalex.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/toilet_bowl.jpg)

As you can see, the shelf is an integral part of the toilet itself.  You can't take it out or break it off.  And you can, of course, buy a new toilet but it will look exactly like the last one because in Continental Europe, this is all we know.

I presume it's to try and avoid poo-splashback, which is a risk with your non-inspection toilet - although the judicious use of a pap baffle would solve that problem, too.

In any event, I'm not trying to justify it - I'm merely telling you how it is.

Quote from: Waco Kid on March 31, 2010, 08:25:56 AM

Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 07:58:26 AM
This is the kind of thing I'm talking about :

(http://jingalex.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/toilet_bowl.jpg)

As you can see, the shelf is an integral part of the toilet itself.  You can't take it out or break it off.  And you can, of course, buy a new toilet but it will look exactly like the last one because in Continental Europe, this is all we know.

I presume it's to try and avoid poo-splashback, which is a risk with your non-inspection toilet - although the judicious use of a pap baffle would solve that problem, too.

In any event, I'm not trying to justify it - I'm merely telling you how it is.

I'm just wondering how much of a wave of water that thing would need to push crap off the shelf. Especially, if you put down a good, heavy one.

Quote from: Tony on March 31, 2010, 11:50:20 AM

Quote from: Waco Kid on March 31, 2010, 08:25:56 AM

Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 07:58:26 AM
This is the kind of thing I'm talking about :

(http://jingalex.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/toilet_bowl.jpg)

As you can see, the shelf is an integral part of the toilet itself.  You can't take it out or break it off.  And you can, of course, buy a new toilet but it will look exactly like the last one because in Continental Europe, this is all we know.

I presume it's to try and avoid poo-splashback, which is a risk with your non-inspection toilet - although the judicious use of a pap baffle would solve that problem, too.

In any event, I'm not trying to justify it - I'm merely telling you how it is.

I'm just wondering how much of a wave of water that thing would need to push crap off the shelf. Especially, if you put down a good, heavy one.

That's a problem, but here's a trick I learned form a friend that was living in Europe and had to deal with the poop shelf....all you have to do is put some toilet paper down on the shelf before you shit, and then water can easily push it off.

Quote from: Tony on March 31, 2010, 11:50:20 AM

Quote from: Waco Kid on March 31, 2010, 08:25:56 AM

Quote from: Tonker on March 31, 2010, 07:58:26 AM
This is the kind of thing I'm talking about :

(http://jingalex.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/toilet_bowl.jpg)

As you can see, the shelf is an integral part of the toilet itself.  You can't take it out or break it off.  And you can, of course, buy a new toilet but it will look exactly like the last one because in Continental Europe, this is all we know.

I presume it's to try and avoid poo-splashback, which is a risk with your non-inspection toilet - although the judicious use of a pap baffle would solve that problem, too.

In any event, I'm not trying to justify it - I'm merely telling you how it is.

I'm just wondering how much of a wave of water that thing would need to push crap off the shelf. Especially, if you put down a good, heavy one.

That's a problem, but here's a trick I learned form a friend that was living in Europe and had to deal with the poop shelf....all you have to do is put some toilet paper down on the shelf before you shit, and then water can easily push it off.

Quote from: Kermit IV on March 31, 2010, 02:24:13 PM
This thread got so much better thanks to Tonker.

Quote from: Slaky on March 31, 2010, 02:27:16 PM

Quote from: Kermit IV on March 31, 2010, 02:24:13 PM
This thread got so much better thanks to Tonker.

In every way, he's the anti-Kurt. And isn't that the ultimate compliment?

Quote from: Kermit IV on March 31, 2010, 02:24:13 PM
This thread got so much better thanks to Tonker.

Quote from: Kermit IV on March 31, 2010, 02:24:13 PM
This thread got so much better thanks to Tonker.

Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on March 31, 2010, 02:34:23 PM

Quote from: Kermit IV on March 31, 2010, 02:24:13 PM
This thread got so much better thanks to Tonker.

Also: screw you, man.

Quote from: Slaky on March 31, 2010, 02:27:16 PM

Quote from: Kermit IV on March 31, 2010, 02:24:13 PM
This thread got so much better thanks to Tonker.

In every way, he's the anti-Kurt. And isn't that the ultimate compliment?

Quote from: Bort on March 31, 2010, 02:29:43 PM

Quote from: Slaky on March 31, 2010, 02:27:16 PM

Quote from: Kermit IV on March 31, 2010, 02:24:13 PM
This thread got so much better thanks to Tonker.

In every way, he's the anti-Kurt. And isn't that the ultimate compliment?

Are we adding a little not-Irish-Yeti and non-Weebs to this?

Quote from: Yeti on March 31, 2010, 02:52:48 PM

Quote from: Bort on March 31, 2010, 02:29:43 PM

Quote from: Slaky on March 31, 2010, 02:27:16 PM

Quote from: Kermit IV on March 31, 2010, 02:24:13 PM
This thread got so much better thanks to Tonker.

In every way, he's the anti-Kurt. And isn't that the ultimate compliment?

Are we adding a little not-Irish-Yeti and non-Weebs to this?

Hey dick

Quote from: Slaky on February 18, 2010, 06:44:33 PM

Quote from: Oleg on February 18, 2010, 06:25:16 PM
So why wasn't that one of the options in your rhetorical question?

I always wipe the seat to be rid of any leftover moisture from the previous occupant.

Wait, why are we talking about this?

Also, once in a while, when I rush into the bathroom and sit down, I get a weird feeling.  Let me explain.

Sometimes, someone walks in who's wearing dress shoes.  Invariably, they make than clanking sound on the tile.  Sometimes, for a split second, I get a weird feeling that I accidentally walked into the women's bathroom.  Anyone else?

I got that feeling once. It was because it was my first day at a new building (200 N Milwaukee) and it just so happened that I got the infamous hot, gurgling feeling that morning. I had to speedwalk to avoid ruining my khakis. The bathrooms were across from each other in an alcove type set up. I took a hard right turn and noticed all of the stalls were empty. Awesome.

I sit down and let 'er rip. This thing had the firepower of 10,000 Patriot missiles and the intensity of a million Ditkas. I think my feet left the ground for a split second. Naturally, as I'm reveling in post-defecatal bliss and mentally celebrating what was surely significant weight loss, I heard the dreaded sound that Oleg mentioned. Clip - clop - clip - clop.

I look down below the stall door. Holy shit.

It's a pair of heels.

Now I remember, in my rush to relieve my burning bowels, that it seemed kind of funny that there weren't any urinals in this particular bathroom.

The time for stealth was nigh. No one had been in the room when I emptied my spine with explosive sound and fury so I knew I wasn't discovered. I lifted my feet off the floor to hide my manly shoes from female eyes.

And I waited.

Finally, the bathroom cleared out. Despite the rather untidy results of my first and only jaunt to the female restroom I knew I wouldn't have any time to wash my hands. I wiped up (sitting, of course) and booked for the door. I peeked out slowly to make sure someone wasn't about to enter and saw I was in the clear. As I said before, the more gender-appropriate bathroom was directly across from the location of my fecal faux-pas.

I made it without a single witness.

Washing my hands I realized I had just done something special.

I took a nasty shit in a lady toilet.

Crown me.

Quote from: PANK! on August 19, 2010, 05:03:22 PM

Quote from: Slaky on February 18, 2010, 06:44:33 PM

Quote from: Oleg on February 18, 2010, 06:25:16 PM
So why wasn't that one of the options in your rhetorical question?

I always wipe the seat to be rid of any leftover moisture from the previous occupant.

Wait, why are we talking about this?

Also, once in a while, when I rush into the bathroom and sit down, I get a weird feeling.  Let me explain.

Sometimes, someone walks in who's wearing dress shoes.  Invariably, they make than clanking sound on the tile.  Sometimes, for a split second, I get a weird feeling that I accidentally walked into the women's bathroom.  Anyone else?

I got that feeling once. It was because it was my first day at a new building (200 N Milwaukee) and it just so happened that I got the infamous hot, gurgling feeling that morning. I had to speedwalk to avoid ruining my khakis. The bathrooms were across from each other in an alcove type set up. I took a hard right turn and noticed all of the stalls were empty. Awesome.

I sit down and let 'er rip. This thing had the firepower of 10,000 Patriot missiles and the intensity of a million Ditkas. I think my feet left the ground for a split second. Naturally, as I'm reveling in post-defecatal bliss and mentally celebrating what was surely significant weight loss, I heard the dreaded sound that Oleg mentioned. Clip - clop - clip - clop.

I look down below the stall door. Holy shit.

It's a pair of heels.

Now I remember, in my rush to relieve my burning bowels, that it seemed kind of funny that there weren't any urinals in this particular bathroom.

The time for stealth was nigh. No one had been in the room when I emptied my spine with explosive sound and fury so I knew I wasn't discovered. I lifted my feet off the floor to hide my manly shoes from female eyes.

And I waited.

Finally, the bathroom cleared out. Despite the rather untidy results of my first and only jaunt to the female restroom I knew I wouldn't have any time to wash my hands. I wiped up (sitting, of course) and booked for the door. I peeked out slowly to make sure someone wasn't about to enter and saw I was in the clear. As I said before, the more gender-appropriate bathroom was directly across from the location of my fecal faux-pas.

I made it without a single witness.

Washing my hands I realized I had just done something special.

I took a nasty shit in a lady toilet.

Crown me.

Bump.

In reading my weekly dose of Drew Magary's Thursday Funbag (http://deadspin.com/5617041/a-lesson-in-dealing-with-women-who-have-baby-fever), it occured to me that Slaky needs to submit this for the weekly closing segment--GREAT MOMENT IN POOP HISTORY.

Make it happen, Cieslak.  As funny as some of those are, none that I've read have yet to top yours.

Quote from: Slaky on August 19, 2010, 05:31:06 PM

Quote from: PANK! on August 19, 2010, 05:03:22 PM

Quote from: Slaky on February 18, 2010, 06:44:33 PM

Quote from: Oleg on February 18, 2010, 06:25:16 PM
So why wasn't that one of the options in your rhetorical question?

I always wipe the seat to be rid of any leftover moisture from the previous occupant.

Wait, why are we talking about this?

Also, once in a while, when I rush into the bathroom and sit down, I get a weird feeling.  Let me explain.

Sometimes, someone walks in who's wearing dress shoes.  Invariably, they make than clanking sound on the tile.  Sometimes, for a split second, I get a weird feeling that I accidentally walked into the women's bathroom.  Anyone else?

I got that feeling once. It was because it was my first day at a new building (200 N Milwaukee) and it just so happened that I got the infamous hot, gurgling feeling that morning. I had to speedwalk to avoid ruining my khakis. The bathrooms were across from each other in an alcove type set up. I took a hard right turn and noticed all of the stalls were empty. Awesome.

I sit down and let 'er rip. This thing had the firepower of 10,000 Patriot missiles and the intensity of a million Ditkas. I think my feet left the ground for a split second. Naturally, as I'm reveling in post-defecatal bliss and mentally celebrating what was surely significant weight loss, I heard the dreaded sound that Oleg mentioned. Clip - clop - clip - clop.

I look down below the stall door. Holy shit.

It's a pair of heels.

Now I remember, in my rush to relieve my burning bowels, that it seemed kind of funny that there weren't any urinals in this particular bathroom.

The time for stealth was nigh. No one had been in the room when I emptied my spine with explosive sound and fury so I knew I wasn't discovered. I lifted my feet off the floor to hide my manly shoes from female eyes.

And I waited.

Finally, the bathroom cleared out. Despite the rather untidy results of my first and only jaunt to the female restroom I knew I wouldn't have any time to wash my hands. I wiped up (sitting, of course) and booked for the door. I peeked out slowly to make sure someone wasn't about to enter and saw I was in the clear. As I said before, the more gender-appropriate bathroom was directly across from the location of my fecal faux-pas.

I made it without a single witness.

Washing my hands I realized I had just done something special.

I took a nasty shit in a lady toilet.

Crown me.

Bump.

In reading my weekly dose of Drew Magary's Thursday Funbag (http://deadspin.com/5617041/a-lesson-in-dealing-with-women-who-have-baby-fever), it occured to me that Slaky needs to submit this for the weekly closing segment--GREAT MOMENT IN POOP HISTORY.

Make it happen, Cieslak.  As funny as some of those are, none that I've read have yet to top yours.

OK, I'll do it - but only if someone will remind me that it gets posted. I never check that site. Even though I should.

Quote from: PANK! on August 19, 2010, 05:33:15 PM

Quote from: Slaky on August 19, 2010, 05:31:06 PM

Quote from: PANK! on August 19, 2010, 05:03:22 PM

Quote from: Slaky on February 18, 2010, 06:44:33 PM

Quote from: Oleg on February 18, 2010, 06:25:16 PM
So why wasn't that one of the options in your rhetorical question?

I always wipe the seat to be rid of any leftover moisture from the previous occupant.

Wait, why are we talking about this?

Also, once in a while, when I rush into the bathroom and sit down, I get a weird feeling.  Let me explain.

Sometimes, someone walks in who's wearing dress shoes.  Invariably, they make than clanking sound on the tile.  Sometimes, for a split second, I get a weird feeling that I accidentally walked into the women's bathroom.  Anyone else?

I got that feeling once. It was because it was my first day at a new building (200 N Milwaukee) and it just so happened that I got the infamous hot, gurgling feeling that morning. I had to speedwalk to avoid ruining my khakis. The bathrooms were across from each other in an alcove type set up. I took a hard right turn and noticed all of the stalls were empty. Awesome.

I sit down and let 'er rip. This thing had the firepower of 10,000 Patriot missiles and the intensity of a million Ditkas. I think my feet left the ground for a split second. Naturally, as I'm reveling in post-defecatal bliss and mentally celebrating what was surely significant weight loss, I heard the dreaded sound that Oleg mentioned. Clip - clop - clip - clop.

I look down below the stall door. Holy shit.

It's a pair of heels.

Now I remember, in my rush to relieve my burning bowels, that it seemed kind of funny that there weren't any urinals in this particular bathroom.

The time for stealth was nigh. No one had been in the room when I emptied my spine with explosive sound and fury so I knew I wasn't discovered. I lifted my feet off the floor to hide my manly shoes from female eyes.

And I waited.

Finally, the bathroom cleared out. Despite the rather untidy results of my first and only jaunt to the female restroom I knew I wouldn't have any time to wash my hands. I wiped up (sitting, of course) and booked for the door. I peeked out slowly to make sure someone wasn't about to enter and saw I was in the clear. As I said before, the more gender-appropriate bathroom was directly across from the location of my fecal faux-pas.

I made it without a single witness.

Washing my hands I realized I had just done something special.

I took a nasty shit in a lady toilet.

Crown me.

Bump.

In reading my weekly dose of Drew Magary's Thursday Funbag (http://deadspin.com/5617041/a-lesson-in-dealing-with-women-who-have-baby-fever), it occured to me that Slaky needs to submit this for the weekly closing segment--GREAT MOMENT IN POOP HISTORY.

Make it happen, Cieslak.  As funny as some of those are, none that I've read have yet to top yours.

OK, I'll do it - but only if someone will remind me that it gets posted. I never check that site. Even though I should.

Deadspin generally sucks worse than getting hit by an AIDS bus, and AJ Daulerio strikes me as a major douchaholic, but anything written by Big Daddy Drew is a must-read. 

Quote from: Slaky on August 19, 2010, 05:31:06 PM

Quote from: PANK! on August 19, 2010, 05:03:22 PM

Quote from: Slaky on February 18, 2010, 06:44:33 PM

Quote from: Oleg on February 18, 2010, 06:25:16 PM
So why wasn't that one of the options in your rhetorical question?

I always wipe the seat to be rid of any leftover moisture from the previous occupant.

Wait, why are we talking about this?

Also, once in a while, when I rush into the bathroom and sit down, I get a weird feeling.  Let me explain.

Sometimes, someone walks in who's wearing dress shoes.  Invariably, they make than clanking sound on the tile.  Sometimes, for a split second, I get a weird feeling that I accidentally walked into the women's bathroom.  Anyone else?

I got that feeling once. It was because it was my first day at a new building (200 N Milwaukee) and it just so happened that I got the infamous hot, gurgling feeling that morning. I had to speedwalk to avoid ruining my khakis. The bathrooms were across from each other in an alcove type set up. I took a hard right turn and noticed all of the stalls were empty. Awesome.

I sit down and let 'er rip. This thing had the firepower of 10,000 Patriot missiles and the intensity of a million Ditkas. I think my feet left the ground for a split second. Naturally, as I'm reveling in post-defecatal bliss and mentally celebrating what was surely significant weight loss, I heard the dreaded sound that Oleg mentioned. Clip - clop - clip - clop.

I look down below the stall door. Holy shit.

It's a pair of heels.

Now I remember, in my rush to relieve my burning bowels, that it seemed kind of funny that there weren't any urinals in this particular bathroom.

The time for stealth was nigh. No one had been in the room when I emptied my spine with explosive sound and fury so I knew I wasn't discovered. I lifted my feet off the floor to hide my manly shoes from female eyes.

And I waited.

Finally, the bathroom cleared out. Despite the rather untidy results of my first and only jaunt to the female restroom I knew I wouldn't have any time to wash my hands. I wiped up (sitting, of course) and booked for the door. I peeked out slowly to make sure someone wasn't about to enter and saw I was in the clear. As I said before, the more gender-appropriate bathroom was directly across from the location of my fecal faux-pas.

I made it without a single witness.

Washing my hands I realized I had just done something special.

I took a nasty shit in a lady toilet.

Crown me.

Bump.

In reading my weekly dose of Drew Magary's Thursday Funbag (http://deadspin.com/5617041/a-lesson-in-dealing-with-women-who-have-baby-fever), it occured to me that Slaky needs to submit this for the weekly closing segment--GREAT MOMENT IN POOP HISTORY.

Make it happen, Cieslak.  As funny as some of those are, none that I've read have yet to top yours.

OK, I'll do it - but only if someone will remind me that it gets posted. I never check that site. Even though I should.

Quote from: PANK! on August 19, 2010, 05:33:15 PM

Quote from: Slaky on August 19, 2010, 05:31:06 PM

Quote from: PANK! on August 19, 2010, 05:03:22 PM

Quote from: Slaky on February 18, 2010, 06:44:33 PM

Quote from: Oleg on February 18, 2010, 06:25:16 PM
So why wasn't that one of the options in your rhetorical question?

I always wipe the seat to be rid of any leftover moisture from the previous occupant.

Wait, why are we talking about this?

Also, once in a while, when I rush into the bathroom and sit down, I get a weird feeling.  Let me explain.

Sometimes, someone walks in who's wearing dress shoes.  Invariably, they make than clanking sound on the tile.  Sometimes, for a split second, I get a weird feeling that I accidentally walked into the women's bathroom.  Anyone else?

I got that feeling once. It was because it was my first day at a new building (200 N Milwaukee) and it just so happened that I got the infamous hot, gurgling feeling that morning. I had to speedwalk to avoid ruining my khakis. The bathrooms were across from each other in an alcove type set up. I took a hard right turn and noticed all of the stalls were empty. Awesome.

I sit down and let 'er rip. This thing had the firepower of 10,000 Patriot missiles and the intensity of a million Ditkas. I think my feet left the ground for a split second. Naturally, as I'm reveling in post-defecatal bliss and mentally celebrating what was surely significant weight loss, I heard the dreaded sound that Oleg mentioned. Clip - clop - clip - clop.

I look down below the stall door. Holy shit.

It's a pair of heels.

Now I remember, in my rush to relieve my burning bowels, that it seemed kind of funny that there weren't any urinals in this particular bathroom.

The time for stealth was nigh. No one had been in the room when I emptied my spine with explosive sound and fury so I knew I wasn't discovered. I lifted my feet off the floor to hide my manly shoes from female eyes.

And I waited.

Finally, the bathroom cleared out. Despite the rather untidy results of my first and only jaunt to the female restroom I knew I wouldn't have any time to wash my hands. I wiped up (sitting, of course) and booked for the door. I peeked out slowly to make sure someone wasn't about to enter and saw I was in the clear. As I said before, the more gender-appropriate bathroom was directly across from the location of my fecal faux-pas.

I made it without a single witness.

Washing my hands I realized I had just done something special.

I took a nasty shit in a lady toilet.

Crown me.

Bump.

In reading my weekly dose of Drew Magary's Thursday Funbag (http://deadspin.com/5617041/a-lesson-in-dealing-with-women-who-have-baby-fever), it occured to me that Slaky needs to submit this for the weekly closing segment--GREAT MOMENT IN POOP HISTORY.

Make it happen, Cieslak.  As funny as some of those are, none that I've read have yet to top yours.

OK, I'll do it - but only if someone will remind me that it gets posted. I never check that site. Even though I should.

Deadspin generally sucks worse than getting hit by an AIDS bus, and AJ Daulerio strikes me as a major douchaholic, but anything written by Big Daddy Drew is a must-read. 

Quote from: CT III on August 19, 2010, 07:46:08 PM

Quote from: PANK! on August 19, 2010, 05:33:15 PM

Quote from: Slaky on August 19, 2010, 05:31:06 PM

Quote from: PANK! on August 19, 2010, 05:03:22 PM

Quote from: Slaky on February 18, 2010, 06:44:33 PM

Quote from: Oleg on February 18, 2010, 06:25:16 PM
So why wasn't that one of the options in your rhetorical question?

I always wipe the seat to be rid of any leftover moisture from the previous occupant.

Wait, why are we talking about this?

Also, once in a while, when I rush into the bathroom and sit down, I get a weird feeling.  Let me explain.

Sometimes, someone walks in who's wearing dress shoes.  Invariably, they make than clanking sound on the tile.  Sometimes, for a split second, I get a weird feeling that I accidentally walked into the women's bathroom.  Anyone else?

I got that feeling once. It was because it was my first day at a new building (200 N Milwaukee) and it just so happened that I got the infamous hot, gurgling feeling that morning. I had to speedwalk to avoid ruining my khakis. The bathrooms were across from each other in an alcove type set up. I took a hard right turn and noticed all of the stalls were empty. Awesome.

I sit down and let 'er rip. This thing had the firepower of 10,000 Patriot missiles and the intensity of a million Ditkas. I think my feet left the ground for a split second. Naturally, as I'm reveling in post-defecatal bliss and mentally celebrating what was surely significant weight loss, I heard the dreaded sound that Oleg mentioned. Clip - clop - clip - clop.

I look down below the stall door. Holy shit.

It's a pair of heels.

Now I remember, in my rush to relieve my burning bowels, that it seemed kind of funny that there weren't any urinals in this particular bathroom.

The time for stealth was nigh. No one had been in the room when I emptied my spine with explosive sound and fury so I knew I wasn't discovered. I lifted my feet off the floor to hide my manly shoes from female eyes.

And I waited.

Finally, the bathroom cleared out. Despite the rather untidy results of my first and only jaunt to the female restroom I knew I wouldn't have any time to wash my hands. I wiped up (sitting, of course) and booked for the door. I peeked out slowly to make sure someone wasn't about to enter and saw I was in the clear. As I said before, the more gender-appropriate bathroom was directly across from the location of my fecal faux-pas.

I made it without a single witness.

Washing my hands I realized I had just done something special.

I took a nasty shit in a lady toilet.

Crown me.

Bump.

In reading my weekly dose of Drew Magary's Thursday Funbag (http://deadspin.com/5617041/a-lesson-in-dealing-with-women-who-have-baby-fever), it occured to me that Slaky needs to submit this for the weekly closing segment--GREAT MOMENT IN POOP HISTORY.

Make it happen, Cieslak.  As funny as some of those are, none that I've read have yet to top yours.

OK, I'll do it - but only if someone will remind me that it gets posted. I never check that site. Even though I should.

Deadspin generally sucks worse than getting hit by an AIDS bus, and AJ Daulerio strikes me as a major douchaholic, but anything written by Big Daddy Drew is a must-read. 

Drew is good, and I highly recommend the "Dead Wrestler of the Week" series by The Masked Man.

But yeah, everything else over there is shit.

Quote from: SKO on August 19, 2010, 08:21:09 PM

Quote from: CT III on August 19, 2010, 07:46:08 PM

Quote from: PANK! on August 19, 2010, 05:33:15 PM

Quote from: Slaky on August 19, 2010, 05:31:06 PM

Quote from: PANK! on August 19, 2010, 05:03:22 PM

Quote from: Slaky on February 18, 2010, 06:44:33 PM

Quote from: Oleg on February 18, 2010, 06:25:16 PM
So why wasn't that one of the options in your rhetorical question?

I always wipe the seat to be rid of any leftover moisture from the previous occupant.

Wait, why are we talking about this?

Also, once in a while, when I rush into the bathroom and sit down, I get a weird feeling.  Let me explain.

Sometimes, someone walks in who's wearing dress shoes.  Invariably, they make than clanking sound on the tile.  Sometimes, for a split second, I get a weird feeling that I accidentally walked into the women's bathroom.  Anyone else?

I got that feeling once. It was because it was my first day at a new building (200 N Milwaukee) and it just so happened that I got the infamous hot, gurgling feeling that morning. I had to speedwalk to avoid ruining my khakis. The bathrooms were across from each other in an alcove type set up. I took a hard right turn and noticed all of the stalls were empty. Awesome.

I sit down and let 'er rip. This thing had the firepower of 10,000 Patriot missiles and the intensity of a million Ditkas. I think my feet left the ground for a split second. Naturally, as I'm reveling in post-defecatal bliss and mentally celebrating what was surely significant weight loss, I heard the dreaded sound that Oleg mentioned. Clip - clop - clip - clop.

I look down below the stall door. Holy shit.

It's a pair of heels.

Now I remember, in my rush to relieve my burning bowels, that it seemed kind of funny that there weren't any urinals in this particular bathroom.

The time for stealth was nigh. No one had been in the room when I emptied my spine with explosive sound and fury so I knew I wasn't discovered. I lifted my feet off the floor to hide my manly shoes from female eyes.

And I waited.

Finally, the bathroom cleared out. Despite the rather untidy results of my first and only jaunt to the female restroom I knew I wouldn't have any time to wash my hands. I wiped up (sitting, of course) and booked for the door. I peeked out slowly to make sure someone wasn't about to enter and saw I was in the clear. As I said before, the more gender-appropriate bathroom was directly across from the location of my fecal faux-pas.

I made it without a single witness.

Washing my hands I realized I had just done something special.

I took a nasty shit in a lady toilet.

Crown me.

Bump.

In reading my weekly dose of Drew Magary's Thursday Funbag (http://deadspin.com/5617041/a-lesson-in-dealing-with-women-who-have-baby-fever), it occured to me that Slaky needs to submit this for the weekly closing segment--GREAT MOMENT IN POOP HISTORY.

Make it happen, Cieslak.  As funny as some of those are, none that I've read have yet to top yours.

OK, I'll do it - but only if someone will remind me that it gets posted. I never check that site. Even though I should.

Deadspin generally sucks worse than getting hit by an AIDS bus, and AJ Daulerio strikes me as a major douchaholic, but anything written by Big Daddy Drew is a must-read. 

Drew is good, and I highly recommend the "Dead Wrestler of the Week" series by The Masked Man.

But yeah, everything else over there is shit.

Sanctimonious shit. I picture Daulerio like the San Franciscan from South Park, just smelling his own farts all day and basking in it. What a pretentious cockbag. His abuse of the "Deadspin I-Team" in order to ruin people's lives is heavy-handed and reeks of douche.

Quote from: SKO on August 19, 2010, 08:21:09 PM
Sanctimonious shit. I picture Daulerio like the San Franciscan from South Park, just smelling his own farts all day and basking in it. What a pretentious cockbag. His abuse of the "Deadspin I-Team" in order to ruin people's lives is heavy-handed and reeks of douche.

Quote from: Kermit IV on August 19, 2010, 11:44:11 PM

Quote from: SKO on August 19, 2010, 08:21:09 PM
Sanctimonious shit. I picture Daulerio like the San Franciscan from South Park, just smelling his own farts all day and basking in it. What a pretentious cockbag. His abuse of the "Deadspin I-Team" in order to ruin people's lives is heavy-handed and reeks of douche.

Wait, speaking of the I-Team, a while ago they were going after the pink-hat, green-shirt guy behind the plate at Wrigley.  I don't know or care what came of that, but I was listening to Kaplan the other night (shut up), and that dude is, apparently, a regular caller to his show.  Should I have already known this?  He's an idiot, in case you're wondering.

PREDICTED PUNCHLINE:  Kap?  Or the pink hat guy?

Quote from: PANK! on August 20, 2010, 07:25:42 AM

Quote from: Kermit IV on August 19, 2010, 11:44:11 PM

Quote from: SKO on August 19, 2010, 08:21:09 PM
Sanctimonious shit. I picture Daulerio like the San Franciscan from South Park, just smelling his own farts all day and basking in it. What a pretentious cockbag. His abuse of the "Deadspin I-Team" in order to ruin people's lives is heavy-handed and reeks of douche.

Wait, speaking of the I-Team, a while ago they were going after the pink-hat, green-shirt guy behind the plate at Wrigley.  I don't know or care what came of that, but I was listening to Kaplan the other night (shut up), and that dude is, apparently, a regular caller to his show.  Should I have already known this?  He's an idiot, in case you're wondering.

PREDICTED PUNCHLINE:  Kap?  Or the pink hat guy?

I don't know if you should have known it, but I thought it was pretty common knowledge that the guy is Jim Anixter who, along with his family, attempted to buy the Cubs in 1981 when they were sold to Tribune (he may have also tried buying them again this recent time).

Quote from: ChuckD on August 20, 2010, 07:58:50 AM
Did you goddamned dirty sitters stuff the box while this was hidden in the depths of anteneorattoed Desipio? I swear this was split evenly at last check.

Quote from: PenPho on August 20, 2010, 11:20:31 AM

Quote from: ChuckD on August 20, 2010, 07:58:50 AM
Did you goddamned dirty sitters stuff the box while this was hidden in the depths of anteneorattoed Desipio? I swear this was split evenly at last check.

I got a new computer, so I voted again.

Quote from: PenPho on August 20, 2010, 11:20:31 AM

Quote from: ChuckD on August 20, 2010, 07:58:50 AM
Did you goddamned dirty sitters stuff the box while this was hidden in the depths of anteneorattoed Desipio? I swear this was split evenly at last check.

I got a new computer, so I voted again.

Quote from: BH on August 20, 2010, 11:41:30 AM

Quote from: PenPho on August 20, 2010, 11:20:31 AM

Quote from: ChuckD on August 20, 2010, 07:58:50 AM
Did you goddamned dirty sitters stuff the box while this was hidden in the depths of anteneorattoed Desipio? I swear this was split evenly at last check.

I got a new computer, so I voted again.

You changed how you poo because of your new computer?

Quote from: J. Walter Weatherman on August 20, 2010, 11:42:45 AM

Quote from: BH on August 20, 2010, 11:41:30 AM

Quote from: PenPho on August 20, 2010, 11:20:31 AM

Quote from: ChuckD on August 20, 2010, 07:58:50 AM
Did you goddamned dirty sitters stuff the box while this was hidden in the depths of anteneorattoed Desipio? I swear this was split evenly at last check.

I got a new computer, so I voted again.

You changed how you poo because of your new computer?

It's hard to stand while using a laptop.

Quote from: BH on August 20, 2010, 11:49:05 AM

Quote from: J. Walter Weatherman on August 20, 2010, 11:42:45 AM

Quote from: BH on August 20, 2010, 11:41:30 AM

Quote from: PenPho on August 20, 2010, 11:20:31 AM

Quote from: ChuckD on August 20, 2010, 07:58:50 AM
Did you goddamned dirty sitters stuff the box while this was hidden in the depths of anteneorattoed Desipio? I swear this was split evenly at last check.

I got a new computer, so I voted again.

You changed how you poo because of your new computer?

It's hard to stand while using a laptop.

Got it. So Pen's new computer is a bathroom customized desktop at standpoopin' height.

Quote from: PANK! on August 20, 2010, 11:29:57 AM

Quote from: PenPho on August 20, 2010, 11:20:31 AM

Quote from: ChuckD on August 20, 2010, 07:58:50 AM
Did you goddamned dirty sitters stuff the box while this was hidden in the depths of anteneorattoed Desipio? I swear this was split evenly at last check.

I got a new computer, so I voted again.

One for MAD, one for PANK!

Quote from: Wheezer on August 23, 2010, 01:22:22 AM
Has this been addressed? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crfGXmxJ1vM) It seems to implicitly legitimize standing.

Quote from: Internet Apex on August 23, 2010, 07:26:18 AM

Quote from: Wheezer on August 23, 2010, 01:22:22 AM
Has this been addressed? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crfGXmxJ1vM) It seems to implicitly legitimize standing.

Being a big guy has its advantages. And its disadvantages.

Quote from: Wheezer on August 23, 2010, 01:22:22 AM
Has this been addressed? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crfGXmxJ1vM) It seems to implicitly legitimize standing.

Quote from: Tank on June 11, 2009, 01:52:57 PM

QuoteTake toilet paper for example. Do you realize that toilet paper has not changed in my lifetime? It's just paper on a cardboard roll, that's it. And in ten thousand years, it will still be exactly the same because really, what else can they do?

What else can they do? Brace yourself...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crfGXmxJ1vM

Quote from: Tinker to Evers to Chance on August 26, 2010, 05:35:19 PM
Toilet Shelf 2.0 (http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3112593/Japans-health-check-toilet.html?OTC-RSS&ATTR=News)

QuoteThe Intelligence Toilet is capable of storing the data of up to five different people

Quote from: Bort on August 26, 2010, 05:47:44 PM

Quote from: Tinker to Evers to Chance on August 26, 2010, 05:35:19 PM
Toilet Shelf 2.0 (http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3112593/Japans-health-check-toilet.html?OTC-RSS&ATTR=News)

QuoteThe Intelligence Toilet is capable of storing the data of up to five different people

Man, I don't want to have to login every time I use the toilet.*






*I swear to God, Fork, if you make a "log" joke...

Quote from: Fork on August 27, 2010, 08:13:02 AM

Quote from: Bort on August 26, 2010, 05:47:44 PM

Quote from: Tinker to Evers to Chance on August 26, 2010, 05:35:19 PM
Toilet Shelf 2.0 (http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3112593/Japans-health-check-toilet.html?OTC-RSS&ATTR=News)

QuoteThe Intelligence Toilet is capable of storing the data of up to five different people

Man, I don't want to have to login every time I use the toilet.*






*I swear to God, Fork, if you make a "log" joke...

What about "core dump" jokes? Are they in play?

QuotePeter:

Over the weekend I visited a friend of mine in Philadelphia. He, being a life long baseball and Phillies fan, suggested we go to the game on Saturday. The game turned out to be quite exciting as the Reds pitcher, Travis Wood, took a perfect game into the 8th. Fortunately for my friend and the Phillies, this was broken up by the first batter in the 9th. But afterwards this led us to have a lengthy conversation about what is the proper fan reaction during a scenario such as this where a significant sports moment is happening - but against your favorite team.

On one hand team loyalty should count for something, and even though it's a huge sports moment, the fact it's going against your team should dictate you have to cheer against the visitors. But the chance to see a perfect game is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and in a season where a single game means next to nothing, perhaps it's okay to cheer for the record, especially for a lifelong baseball fan like my friend. Maybe that works in baseball but what about other sports? I live in Minnesota and a lot of my friends were at the Metrodome when Favre broke the all time TD record and had very similar reactions to everything above. So what's the call here? Is it ever okay to cheer against your team so long as a significant sports moment is happening?

No. It isn't okay. Especially in the instance of Favre breaking the touchdown record. He may play for Minnesota now, and thus it's my job as a Vikes fan to cheer for his old sorry ass. But he broke that record while still a member of the Packers, SO FUCK HIM AND HIS RECORD IN THE ASS. I saw some Vikings fans cheering for him when he broke that record. It made me want to fucking PUKE.

Here is what the record breaker should get: polite applause. That's it. Give him a golf clap to show you're a civilized human being and then go about your business. He should NOT be wildly cheered, particularly prior to breaking that record. If some Vikings fan was in the Metrodome and actively rooting for Favre to break that record before he actually broke it, I would like that fan's name and address so I can burn their fucking house down.

I think it's fair to get caught up in a certain sense of awe if you're witnessing a particularly impressive single game feat, like a perfect game, or a 300-yard rushing day, or a 60-point basketball game. No sports fan is immune to appreciating a performance such as that. But that's the key. APPRECIATION. There's a difference between appreciating seeing something amazing, then acknowledging it with applause, then sitting there and rooting for it to happen before it's happened.

Quote from: PANK! on August 27, 2010, 11:03:55 AM
When I saw this thread was bumped, I had assumed that Slaky's poop story made Drew Magary's Funbag (http://deadspin.com/5622823/how-to-confront-your-old-man-about-his-ongoing-porn-habit), but alas, Big Daddy Drew didn't do a GREAT MOMENTS IN POOP HISTORY this week and, with football coming back, he's shutting down the mailbag until next year.  Oh well, he's still a hilarious writer and he did provide this nugget that reminded me of coucheface Yellon:

QuotePeter:

Over the weekend I visited a friend of mine in Philadelphia. He, being a life long baseball and Phillies fan, suggested we go to the game on Saturday. The game turned out to be quite exciting as the Reds pitcher, Travis Wood, took a perfect game into the 8th. Fortunately for my friend and the Phillies, this was broken up by the first batter in the 9th. But afterwards this led us to have a lengthy conversation about what is the proper fan reaction during a scenario such as this where a significant sports moment is happening - but against your favorite team.

On one hand team loyalty should count for something, and even though it's a huge sports moment, the fact it's going against your team should dictate you have to cheer against the visitors. But the chance to see a perfect game is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and in a season where a single game means next to nothing, perhaps it's okay to cheer for the record, especially for a lifelong baseball fan like my friend. Maybe that works in baseball but what about other sports? I live in Minnesota and a lot of my friends were at the Metrodome when Favre broke the all time TD record and had very similar reactions to everything above. So what's the call here? Is it ever okay to cheer against your team so long as a significant sports moment is happening?

No. It isn't okay. Especially in the instance of Favre breaking the touchdown record. He may play for Minnesota now, and thus it's my job as a Vikes fan to cheer for his old sorry ass. But he broke that record while still a member of the Packers, SO FUCK HIM AND HIS RECORD IN THE ASS. I saw some Vikings fans cheering for him when he broke that record. It made me want to fucking PUKE.

Here is what the record breaker should get: polite applause. That's it. Give him a golf clap to show you're a civilized human being and then go about your business. He should NOT be wildly cheered, particularly prior to breaking that record. If some Vikings fan was in the Metrodome and actively rooting for Favre to break that record before he actually broke it, I would like that fan's name and address so I can burn their fucking house down.

I think it's fair to get caught up in a certain sense of awe if you're witnessing a particularly impressive single game feat, like a perfect game, or a 300-yard rushing day, or a 60-point basketball game. No sports fan is immune to appreciating a performance such as that. But that's the key. APPRECIATION. There's a difference between appreciating seeing something amazing, then acknowledging it with applause, then sitting there and rooting for it to happen before it's happened.

Quote from: PANK! on August 27, 2010, 11:03:55 AM
When I saw this thread was bumped, I had assumed that Slaky's poop story made Drew Magary's Funbag (http://deadspin.com/5622823/how-to-confront-your-old-man-about-his-ongoing-porn-habit), but alas, Big Daddy Drew didn't do a GREAT MOMENTS IN POOP HISTORY this week and, with football coming back, he's shutting down the mailbag until next year.  Oh well, he's still a hilarious writer and he did provide this nugget that reminded me of coucheface Yellon:

QuotePeter:

Over the weekend I visited a friend of mine in Philadelphia. He, being a life long baseball and Phillies fan, suggested we go to the game on Saturday. The game turned out to be quite exciting as the Reds pitcher, Travis Wood, took a perfect game into the 8th. Fortunately for my friend and the Phillies, this was broken up by the first batter in the 9th. But afterwards this led us to have a lengthy conversation about what is the proper fan reaction during a scenario such as this where a significant sports moment is happening - but against your favorite team.

On one hand team loyalty should count for something, and even though it's a huge sports moment, the fact it's going against your team should dictate you have to cheer against the visitors. But the chance to see a perfect game is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and in a season where a single game means next to nothing, perhaps it's okay to cheer for the record, especially for a lifelong baseball fan like my friend. Maybe that works in baseball but what about other sports? I live in Minnesota and a lot of my friends were at the Metrodome when Favre broke the all time TD record and had very similar reactions to everything above. So what's the call here? Is it ever okay to cheer against your team so long as a significant sports moment is happening?

No. It isn't okay. Especially in the instance of Favre breaking the touchdown record. He may play for Minnesota now, and thus it's my job as a Vikes fan to cheer for his old sorry ass. But he broke that record while still a member of the Packers, SO FUCK HIM AND HIS RECORD IN THE ASS. I saw some Vikings fans cheering for him when he broke that record. It made me want to fucking PUKE.

Here is what the record breaker should get: polite applause. That's it. Give him a golf clap to show you're a civilized human being and then go about your business. He should NOT be wildly cheered, particularly prior to breaking that record. If some Vikings fan was in the Metrodome and actively rooting for Favre to break that record before he actually broke it, I would like that fan's name and address so I can burn their fucking house down.

I think it's fair to get caught up in a certain sense of awe if you're witnessing a particularly impressive single game feat, like a perfect game, or a 300-yard rushing day, or a 60-point basketball game. No sports fan is immune to appreciating a performance such as that. But that's the key. APPRECIATION. There's a difference between appreciating seeing something amazing, then acknowledging it with applause, then sitting there and rooting for it to happen before it's happened.

Quote from: PANK! on August 27, 2010, 11:03:55 AM
When I saw this thread was bumped, I had assumed that Slaky's poop story made Drew Magary's Funbag (http://deadspin.com/5622823/how-to-confront-your-old-man-about-his-ongoing-porn-habit), but alas, Big Daddy Drew didn't do a GREAT MOMENTS IN POOP HISTORY this week and, with football coming back, he's shutting down the mailbag until next year.  Oh well, he's still a hilarious writer and he did provide this nugget that reminded me of coucheface Yellon:

QuotePeter:

Over the weekend I visited a friend of mine in Philadelphia. He, being a life long baseball and Phillies fan, suggested we go to the game on Saturday. The game turned out to be quite exciting as the Reds pitcher, Travis Wood, took a perfect game into the 8th. Fortunately for my friend and the Phillies, this was broken up by the first batter in the 9th. But afterwards this led us to have a lengthy conversation about what is the proper fan reaction during a scenario such as this where a significant sports moment is happening - but against your favorite team.

On one hand team loyalty should count for something, and even though it's a huge sports moment, the fact it's going against your team should dictate you have to cheer against the visitors. But the chance to see a perfect game is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and in a season where a single game means next to nothing, perhaps it's okay to cheer for the record, especially for a lifelong baseball fan like my friend. Maybe that works in baseball but what about other sports? I live in Minnesota and a lot of my friends were at the Metrodome when Favre broke the all time TD record and had very similar reactions to everything above. So what's the call here? Is it ever okay to cheer against your team so long as a significant sports moment is happening?

No. It isn't okay. Especially in the instance of Favre breaking the touchdown record. He may play for Minnesota now, and thus it's my job as a Vikes fan to cheer for his old sorry ass. But he broke that record while still a member of the Packers, SO FUCK HIM AND HIS RECORD IN THE ASS. I saw some Vikings fans cheering for him when he broke that record. It made me want to fucking PUKE.

Here is what the record breaker should get: polite applause. That's it. Give him a golf clap to show you're a civilized human being and then go about your business. He should NOT be wildly cheered, particularly prior to breaking that record. If some Vikings fan was in the Metrodome and actively rooting for Favre to break that record before he actually broke it, I would like that fan's name and address so I can burn their fucking house down.

I think it's fair to get caught up in a certain sense of awe if you're witnessing a particularly impressive single game feat, like a perfect game, or a 300-yard rushing day, or a 60-point basketball game. No sports fan is immune to appreciating a performance such as that. But that's the key. APPRECIATION. There's a difference between appreciating seeing something amazing, then acknowledging it with applause, then sitting there and rooting for it to happen before it's happened.

Quote from: R-V on August 27, 2010, 11:33:22 AM
It's the last Thursday Funbag of the year. I think he's going to continue doing them on Tuesdays. You couchebag.

Quote from: Tonker on September 14, 2010, 09:24:31 AM
Wandering around the training centre in Johannesburg the other day, I came across this :

(http://img828.imageshack.us/img828/1005/image016small.jpg)

... and thought you boys might like to see it, too, so I took a picture.  For what it's worth, I have *no fucking idea* - and I certainly didn't use it.

You're welcome.

Quote from: Bort on September 14, 2010, 10:08:47 AM

Quote from: Tonker on September 14, 2010, 09:24:31 AM
Wandering around the training centre in Johannesburg the other day, I came across this :

(http://img828.imageshack.us/img828/1005/image016small.jpg)

... and thought you boys might like to see it, too, so I took a picture.  For what it's worth, I have *no fucking idea* - and I certainly didn't use it.

You're welcome.

A speculation: a squatting toilet?

Quote from: morpheus on September 14, 2010, 10:14:05 AM

Quote from: Bort on September 14, 2010, 10:08:47 AM

Quote from: Tonker on September 14, 2010, 09:24:31 AM
Wandering around the training centre in Johannesburg the other day, I came across this :

(http://img828.imageshack.us/img828/1005/image016small.jpg)

... and thought you boys might like to see it, too, so I took a picture.  For what it's worth, I have *no fucking idea* - and I certainly didn't use it.

You're welcome.

A speculation: a squatting toilet?

http://www.desipio.com/messageboard/index.php?topic=7219.msg225502#msg225502

QuoteA man had to be rescued by firefighters after getting his hand stuck down the toilet while trying to retrieve a bottle of shampoo. Wang Xuekui explains: "I wanted to wash my hair, but accidentally dropped the shampoo bottle into the toilet hole." He put his hand down the hole in an effort to fish the bottle out. "I touched the bottle but when I was going to pull it out my arm was suddenly sucked in." Wang shouted to wake his wife and the couple spent half an hour trying to free him before admitting defeat and calling for help. Firefighters first tried to free Wang's arm by covering it in soapy water and then cooking oil, but it was stuck fast. Eventually they had to resort to more desperate measures, entering the flat below and sawing open the pipe Wang's hand was stuck in and then enlarging the hole in his bathroom floor. Eventually, five hours after he first got stuck, Wang was freed

Quote from: J. Walter Weatherman on September 24, 2010, 01:16:20 PM
That shampoo is gone, man. Should have just let it go...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/picturegalleries/theweekinpictures/8023513/The-week-in-pictures-24-September-2010.html?image=15

QuoteA man had to be rescued by firefighters after getting his hand stuck down the toilet while trying to retrieve a bottle of shampoo. Wang Xuekui explains: "I wanted to wash my hair, but accidentally dropped the shampoo bottle into the toilet hole." He put his hand down the hole in an effort to fish the bottle out. "I touched the bottle but when I was going to pull it out my arm was suddenly sucked in." Wang shouted to wake his wife and the couple spent half an hour trying to free him before admitting defeat and calling for help. Firefighters first tried to free Wang's arm by covering it in soapy water and then cooking oil, but it was stuck fast. Eventually they had to resort to more desperate measures, entering the flat below and sawing open the pipe Wang's hand was stuck in and then enlarging the hole in his bathroom floor. Eventually, five hours after he first got stuck, Wang was freed

(http://i.imgur.com/0UlL2.jpg)

Quote from: powen01 on October 07, 2010, 11:31:24 AM
Things I have to look forward to one day... (http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/news/story?id=5651802)

Quote from: morpheus on October 14, 2010, 09:26:45 AM
Bump.  http://www.silive.com/news/index.ssf/2010/10/dual_flush_toilets_among_conse.html

QuoteIt's great. It's about time the city gets serious about saving water. 24.48%  (35 votes)

It's awful. I'm tired of being micromanaged. 75.52% (108 votes)

Quote from: Yeti on October 14, 2010, 09:32:18 AM

Quote from: morpheus on October 14, 2010, 09:26:45 AM
Bump.  http://www.silive.com/news/index.ssf/2010/10/dual_flush_toilets_among_conse.html

Some people are ANGRY:

QuoteIt's great. It's about time the city gets serious about saving water. 24.48%  (35 votes)

It's awful. I'm tired of being micromanaged. 75.52% (108 votes)

So, the city is trying to find a way for water consumption to be more efficient? HOW DARE THEM!?!?!

Quote from: Fork on October 14, 2010, 09:39:53 AM
True story...there's a fairly brisk business in NYC involving smuggled toilet tanks from Canada - higher capacity, better flush.

Quote from: Wheezer on January 10, 2011, 11:15:37 PM
My first inclination was to file this under books, but the invocation of the "Humanure Universe" coupled with the notion that it has a center led me to reconsider (http://humanurehandbook.com/).

Quote from: Bort on January 11, 2011, 12:01:48 AM

Quote from: Wheezer on January 10, 2011, 11:15:37 PM
My first inclination was to file this under books, but the invocation of the "Humanure Universe" coupled with the notion that it has a center led me to reconsider (http://humanurehandbook.com/).

That site has videos that could give Gil a stroke.

QuoteBrandt has been inserting feces into his patients for a decade now and claims to be solving their problems nearly 100 percent of the time.

Quote from: J. Walter Weatherman on February 03, 2011, 06:53:58 PM
http://www.slate.com/id/2282768/pagenum/all/

QuoteBrandt has been inserting feces into his patients for a decade now and claims to be solving their problems nearly 100 percent of the time.

QuoteUltimately, doctors hope to develop a sort of artificial feces that could provide the beneficial bacteria patients need.

Quote from: J. Walter Weatherman on February 03, 2011, 06:53:58 PM
http://www.slate.com/id/2282768/pagenum/all/

QuoteBrandt has been inserting feces into his patients for a decade now and claims to be solving their problems nearly 100 percent of the time.

Quote from: ChuckD on February 04, 2011, 06:56:55 AM

Quote from: J. Walter Weatherman on February 03, 2011, 06:53:58 PM
http://www.slate.com/id/2282768/pagenum/all/

QuoteBrandt has been inserting feces into his patients for a decade now and claims to be solving their problems nearly 100 percent of the time.

))<>((

Quote from: J. Walter Weatherman on March 09, 2011, 11:56:32 AM
(http://i.imgur.com/C9mkZ.jpg)

After step four, opinions vary.

Quote from: Internet Apex on March 09, 2011, 03:46:53 PM
Works great! Watch though that your footrest isn't too high as it might cause a dangerous but correctable angle of incidence for your crank. Good luck!

Quote from: Yeti on March 10, 2011, 04:36:15 AM

Quote from: Internet Apex on March 09, 2011, 03:46:53 PM
Works great! Watch though that your footrest isn't too high as it might cause a dangerous but correctable angle of incidence for your crank. Good luck!

Only 4 minutes for a poop? You gotta savor that shit

Quote from: Sterling Archer on May 25, 2011, 07:08:29 PM
The academics weigh in. (http://lifehacker.com/5805108/which-direction-should-i-wipe)

QuotePolice are investigating Chrisco's claims that he spied on women from adjoining stalls in restrooms in other Boulder businesses. Those businesses include Absinthe, The Rio, Macy's, Cheesecake Factory, Mamacita's and the International Youth Hostel.

Quote from: Alrish Yeltin on September 01, 2011, 05:31:24 PM

Quote from: Slaky on September 01, 2011, 05:02:20 PM

Quote from: Chuck to Chuck on September 01, 2011, 01:40:52 PM

Quote from: Slaky on September 01, 2011, 11:49:38 AM
Again, how does a person get credit for saying things like the Cubs need better players and a drastic organizational-wide attitude shift? The point wasn't that Rozner is wrong for saying these things. The point is that a smart person like Dan Bernstein shouldn't be giving Ol' Barry a belly rub and a bucket of milk bones because he finally managed to string together a few one-sentence paragraphs of cogent thought. How many of us could have, and have, written that same exact thing on this very message board?

How?  Seriously?

David Haugh.
Rick Morrissey.
Gordon Wittendouche.
Hell, even our good friend David Kaplan was telling me the other day that they need to hire someone who understands the Cubs.

They all have been given a public platform, one that they are financially compensated for.

Rozner gets kudos for telling the truth.  What's sad is that said saying of the truth is so rare.

That we would say the same thing is akin to saying, "How kin deez gize get paid so much to plays a game?  I'd plays dat dem der game for free!"

Fine, let's hold everyone to the lowest possible standard. Hey, I wiped my own ass today.

I actually had a non-wiper today

Quote from: R-V on September 01, 2011, 08:13:05 PM

Quote from: Alrish Yeltin on September 01, 2011, 05:31:24 PM

Quote from: Slaky on September 01, 2011, 05:02:20 PM

Quote from: Chuck to Chuck on September 01, 2011, 01:40:52 PM

Quote from: Slaky on September 01, 2011, 11:49:38 AM
Again, how does a person get credit for saying things like the Cubs need better players and a drastic organizational-wide attitude shift? The point wasn't that Rozner is wrong for saying these things. The point is that a smart person like Dan Bernstein shouldn't be giving Ol' Barry a belly rub and a bucket of milk bones because he finally managed to string together a few one-sentence paragraphs of cogent thought. How many of us could have, and have, written that same exact thing on this very message board?

How?  Seriously?

David Haugh.
Rick Morrissey.
Gordon Wittendouche.
Hell, even our good friend David Kaplan was telling me the other day that they need to hire someone who understands the Cubs.

They all have been given a public platform, one that they are financially compensated for.

Rozner gets kudos for telling the truth.  What's sad is that said saying of the truth is so rare.

That we would say the same thing is akin to saying, "How kin deez gize get paid so much to plays a game?  I'd plays dat dem der game for free!"

Fine, let's hold everyone to the lowest possible standard. Hey, I wiped my own ass today.

I actually had a non-wiper today

So you didn't even wipe once, like to make sure? You know your butthole that well?

Quote from: JD on June 22, 2006, 09:35:35 AM
I just had the elusive no-wiper dump.  Well, I mean, there's at least one wipe to see that you don't HAVE to wipe, of course.  I'm not nasty, yo.  BUT, get this, I had a 2-wiper, no-wiper dump.  That's right.  I had to check TWICE because I just didn't believe the first clean one.  Why?  Well, I'll tell ya anyway.  It's because I pinched it off early on in the dumping.  And it was STILL clean.  Pretty awesome, right?  Yeah, I know it is.  When the lead turd was half-way out, I sneezed which caused the pinching.  I was pretty disappointed  because I didn't wanna spend all day tryin' to get all that stuff off my booty.  I dropped 2 1/2 more medium sized turds in the bowl and disgustedly tore off some TP.  After having pinched, then you can just imagine my surprise when the TP came back in much the same condition as when it when down there.  I thought that I must have poop marks all over the outside of my booty.  Oh, how humiliating.  And time consuming.  Now, more than ever.  Well, I go back down there and wipe the entire butt area.  I could tell during that process even, that this, too, would come back untainted(no pun intended, but I checked that area, too).  Oh, yeah, that TP came back clean, baby.  Well, there was a butt hair on it, but that doesn't count.  I've never had that happen to me before and I just wanted to share it.  I also don't think I've ever had a post this long before.  There was actually a lot more anticipation and rejoicing at the end, but I didn't feel like typing anymore.  My day is all downhill from here.  I mean, ya quit climbin' once ya hit the peak, right?

Quote from: J. Walter Weatherman on September 01, 2011, 08:53:08 PM

Quote from: R-V on September 01, 2011, 08:13:05 PM

Quote from: Alrish Yeltin on September 01, 2011, 05:31:24 PM

Quote from: Slaky on September 01, 2011, 05:02:20 PM

Quote from: Chuck to Chuck on September 01, 2011, 01:40:52 PM

Quote from: Slaky on September 01, 2011, 11:49:38 AM
Again, how does a person get credit for saying things like the Cubs need better players and a drastic organizational-wide attitude shift? The point wasn't that Rozner is wrong for saying these things. The point is that a smart person like Dan Bernstein shouldn't be giving Ol' Barry a belly rub and a bucket of milk bones because he finally managed to string together a few one-sentence paragraphs of cogent thought. How many of us could have, and have, written that same exact thing on this very message board?

How?  Seriously?

David Haugh.
Rick Morrissey.
Gordon Wittendouche.
Hell, even our good friend David Kaplan was telling me the other day that they need to hire someone who understands the Cubs.

They all have been given a public platform, one that they are financially compensated for.

Rozner gets kudos for telling the truth.  What's sad is that said saying of the truth is so rare.

That we would say the same thing is akin to saying, "How kin deez gize get paid so much to plays a game?  I'd plays dat dem der game for free!"

Fine, let's hold everyone to the lowest possible standard. Hey, I wiped my own ass today.

I actually had a non-wiper today

So you didn't even wipe once, like to make sure? You know your butthole that well?

Related...

Quote from: JD on June 22, 2006, 09:35:35 AM
I just had the elusive no-wiper dump.  Well, I mean, there's at least one wipe to see that you don't HAVE to wipe, of course.  I'm not nasty, yo.  BUT, get this, I had a 2-wiper, no-wiper dump.  That's right.  I had to check TWICE because I just didn't believe the first clean one.  Why?  Well, I'll tell ya anyway.  It's because I pinched it off early on in the dumping.  And it was STILL clean.  Pretty awesome, right?  Yeah, I know it is.  When the lead turd was half-way out, I sneezed which caused the pinching.  I was pretty disappointed  because I didn't wanna spend all day tryin' to get all that stuff off my booty.  I dropped 2 1/2 more medium sized turds in the bowl and disgustedly tore off some TP.  After having pinched, then you can just imagine my surprise when the TP came back in much the same condition as when it when down there.  I thought that I must have poop marks all over the outside of my booty.  Oh, how humiliating.  And time consuming.  Now, more than ever.  Well, I go back down there and wipe the entire butt area.  I could tell during that process even, that this, too, would come back untainted(no pun intended, but I checked that area, too).  Oh, yeah, that TP came back clean, baby.  Well, there was a butt hair on it, but that doesn't count.  I've never had that happen to me before and I just wanted to share it.  I also don't think I've ever had a post this long before.  There was actually a lot more anticipation and rejoicing at the end, but I didn't feel like typing anymore.  My day is all downhill from here.  I mean, ya quit climbin' once ya hit the peak, right?

Quote from: Sterling Archer on September 01, 2011, 10:01:14 PM

Quote from: J. Walter Weatherman on September 01, 2011, 08:53:08 PM

Quote from: R-V on September 01, 2011, 08:13:05 PM

Quote from: Alrish Yeltin on September 01, 2011, 05:31:24 PM

Quote from: Slaky on September 01, 2011, 05:02:20 PM

Quote from: Chuck to Chuck on September 01, 2011, 01:40:52 PM

Quote from: Slaky on September 01, 2011, 11:49:38 AM
Again, how does a person get credit for saying things like the Cubs need better players and a drastic organizational-wide attitude shift? The point wasn't that Rozner is wrong for saying these things. The point is that a smart person like Dan Bernstein shouldn't be giving Ol' Barry a belly rub and a bucket of milk bones because he finally managed to string together a few one-sentence paragraphs of cogent thought. How many of us could have, and have, written that same exact thing on this very message board?

How?  Seriously?

David Haugh.
Rick Morrissey.
Gordon Wittendouche.
Hell, even our good friend David Kaplan was telling me the other day that they need to hire someone who understands the Cubs.

They all have been given a public platform, one that they are financially compensated for.

Rozner gets kudos for telling the truth.  What's sad is that said saying of the truth is so rare.

That we would say the same thing is akin to saying, "How kin deez gize get paid so much to plays a game?  I'd plays dat dem der game for free!"

Fine, let's hold everyone to the lowest possible standard. Hey, I wiped my own ass today.

I actually had a non-wiper today

So you didn't even wipe once, like to make sure? You know your butthole that well?

Related...

Quote from: JD on June 22, 2006, 09:35:35 AM
I just had the elusive no-wiper dump.  Well, I mean, there's at least one wipe to see that you don't HAVE to wipe, of course.  I'm not nasty, yo.  BUT, get this, I had a 2-wiper, no-wiper dump.  That's right.  I had to check TWICE because I just didn't believe the first clean one.  Why?  Well, I'll tell ya anyway.  It's because I pinched it off early on in the dumping.  And it was STILL clean.  Pretty awesome, right?  Yeah, I know it is.  When the lead turd was half-way out, I sneezed which caused the pinching.  I was pretty disappointed  because I didn't wanna spend all day tryin' to get all that stuff off my booty.  I dropped 2 1/2 more medium sized turds in the bowl and disgustedly tore off some TP.  After having pinched, then you can just imagine my surprise when the TP came back in much the same condition as when it when down there.  I thought that I must have poop marks all over the outside of my booty.  Oh, how humiliating.  And time consuming.  Now, more than ever.  Well, I go back down there and wipe the entire butt area.  I could tell during that process even, that this, too, would come back untainted(no pun intended, but I checked that area, too).  Oh, yeah, that TP came back clean, baby.  Well, there was a butt hair on it, but that doesn't count.  I've never had that happen to me before and I just wanted to share it.  I also don't think I've ever had a post this long before.  There was actually a lot more anticipation and rejoicing at the end, but I didn't feel like typing anymore.  My day is all downhill from here.  I mean, ya quit climbin' once ya hit the peak, right?

Best JD post ever?

QuoteTo use the FCA, the crewman attaches the outer fecal bag properly and proceeds with fecal elimination. Upon completion of the action and subsequent sanitary cleansing, the tissues and refuse are placed in the inner fecal/emesis bag. The crewman then removes the germicide pouch, cuts the outer protective seal, and places it in the inner bag. Finally, all items are placed into the outer fecal bag, the bag is sealed, the germicide pouch is ruptured by hand pressure, the bag is kneaded, and the contents are stowed in the waste-stowage compartment.

Although the Apollo fecal-collection system is the same as that used in the Gemini Program, many new concepts and designs were investigated and tested. Various types of canisters, with and without air blowers, were developed with some success. In all cases, the primary problem has been the separation, in a weightless environment, of the fecal wastes from the crewmen. Nothing has proved more effective than the current system, which has proved adequate for all flights, although the crewmen have expressed dislike for it.

QuoteJust picture this...Last night's buffet was the best you ever had, but today at the office, all that eating is catching up to you. As you walk out from your second visit to the restroom, you nearly collide with the handsome lad from two offices down. You both pause, staring at each other. Just then, the door shuts behind you. A rush of bathroom air fans past. "Mmmm, citrusy," he says and walks away.

Quote from: Wheezer on December 21, 2011, 11:40:46 PM
Need a stocking stuffer? (http://poopourri.com/Holiday-2011/products/36/)

QuoteJust picture this...Last night's buffet was the best you ever had, but today at the office, all that eating is catching up to you. As you walk out from your second visit to the restroom, you nearly collide with the handsome lad from two offices down. You both pause, staring at each other. Just then, the door shuts behind you. A rush of bathroom air fans past. "Mmmm, citrusy," he says and walks away.

(http://secure.awards4u.com/applications/glasshopper/AdvHTML_Uploads/poo-pourri002%20250px.jpg)

Quote from: Gilgamesh on April 13, 2012, 03:08:05 PM
Some proper pooping instructions. (http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/s72w9/please_explain_how_to_thoroughly_wipe_my_hairy/c4bn22c)

QuoteDo you spend a lot of time on the crapper at work? Ever wonder how much your poop is worth? Use this app to time your poops, keep track of your total poop worth, and share with others.

Quote

POOPING AT WORK -- (Rules and Definitions)

ESCAPEE

Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall.  This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment.  This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding.  If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee; it is uncomfortable for all involved.  Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee)

Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine-gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover.  If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH

Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location.  This reduces the amount of airtime the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME. 

WALK OF SHAME

Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. 

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER

Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is darn proud of it.  You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm.  Always look around the office for the Out of the Closet pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)

Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident.  This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS. 

SAFE HAVEN

Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom. 

TURD BURGLAR

Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when work taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.


CAMO-COUGH

Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS.  Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE

Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace. 

WATERMELON

Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident.  If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. 

HAVANA OMELET

Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water.  Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TED

Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees. 

FLY BY

Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back later

QuoteUnder a measure going into effect Sunday, [cab drivers] can add $50 to the fare of any customer who vomits after entering.

Quote from: Wheezer on July 01, 2012, 10:14:48 PM
You forgot something, guys. Prepare yourselves accordingly.

QuoteUnder a measure going into effect Sunday, [cab drivers] can add $50 to the fare of any customer who vomits after entering.

(And on Canada Day, of all things.)

Quote from: Fork on July 02, 2012, 08:04:41 AM

Quote from: Wheezer on July 01, 2012, 10:14:48 PM
You forgot something, guys. Prepare yourselves accordingly.

QuoteUnder a measure going into effect Sunday, [cab drivers] can add $50 to the fare of any customer who vomits after entering.

(And on Canada Day, of all things.)

This belongs in the "How you pukin'" thread.

Quote from: Fork on July 02, 2012, 08:04:41 AM

Quote from: Wheezer on July 01, 2012, 10:14:48 PM
You forgot something, guys. Prepare yourselves accordingly.

QuoteUnder a measure going into effect Sunday, [cab drivers] can add $50 to the fare of any customer who vomits after entering.

(And on Canada Day, of all things.)

This belongs in the "How you pukin'" thread.