Holy smokes, Star Wars Episode III opens next Thursday?

[Chuck]

Check this stuff.  Sounds Karry Lingish.

Ozzel just isn't the creative type.

The problem is solved now, however. I crushed his trachea with my mind, and promoted Piett to command the fleet. I have transmitted to following note to Ozzel's kin:

Dear House of Ozzel,

I regret to inform you that your son has been killed in the line of duty.

He was an incompetent, yammering boob and he will be missed by none. I have allowed the men to pillage his personal belongings, which is why we have enclosed nothing but the sole remaining item: a torn advertisements page from a magazine of midget pornography. May it shock and disturb you, and may you think of it always when you remember your dearly departed son, the ninny.

Know also that his limitations as a sub-par military professional caused the deaths of many of the Emperor's loyal soldiers, whose funeral expenses will appear on your next tax assessment.

Sincerely,
D. Vader

Too harsh? I call them as I see them.

[JH]

The Darthside blog is brilliant stuff.  Found it via Vodka pundit.  How'd you find it?

A regular blog I read linked to it almost a month ago.  I've been hooked ever since. It's some of the best parody around with outstanding writing, an intricate knowledge of the original SW trilogy, and some hilarious musings.

[Blee]

I just got back from the midnight show. The best part of the movie was the end when I ran out of the theater to go pee.

Although the movie itself was pretty awesome. The whole "third best Star Wars movie ever" isn't too far off.

[Chuck]

The whole "third best Star Wars movie ever" isn't too far off.

Ranked:
V
IV
III
VI
II
I

[MrSpeed]

It's only fair that we remember Triumph at a time like this ...

http://gamefiles.blueyonder.co.uk/blueyondergames/trailers/ROFL.STARWARS.NERDS.wmv

[Brian]

The whole "third best Star Wars movie ever" isn't too far off.

Ranked:
V
IV
III
VI
II
I

Who you kiddin', Chuck?  You didn't see it last night.

It was decent, but the Amadala/Anakin scenes are bad.  Also, in certain key situations, a character did something which didn't make sense other than not to fuck up 4, 5 and 6.

[Chuck]

I saw it this AM.  It was better than Jedi.

Jedi assassinations beats Ewoks every time.

Oh, and no burping helped.

[Andy]

I watched Jedi again on Monday night and I skipped through any chapter with an Ewok in it until the very end, because I turned the commentary on to find out why the hell Lucas added Hayden Christensen as Anakin to the scene at the very end where Luke sees Yoda, Ben and his pappy.

Without the Ewoks, Jedi is tree-mendous.  With them, it's, well, a lot less tree-mendous.

[Blee]

Yes, yes, the dialogue in the movie sucked. Hayden Christiansen and Natalie Portman have no on screen chemistry, they were both given horrible scripts, and George Lucas can't write dialogue worth a damn. However, it was an audially and visually beautiful movie, it was easily the best out of the latest three installments and it does give Return of the Jedi a run for its money.

And with regards to Return of the Jedi, we know that Ewoks are bad, but the movie did give us

[Andy]

Saw Ep. III last night and really liked it.  It's not as good as Empire or the original, but I think it's better than Jedi and is easily the coolest looking movie ever made.  It's just unbelievable how much better the technology is over even Ep. II or the Lord of the Rings movies.

What I find amazing is that the actor who gives the best performance is Yoda.  He's great.  OK, that's not fair because Ian McDiarmid is excellent in this and they finally gave Ewan McGregor some actually intelligible dialog for once.  Nothing like wasting him for two movies.

Hayden Christiansen is horrendous.  If this was Star Wars: Project Greenlight, they'd have gotten a note from the studio to get him in the Darth Vader costume as soon as possible.  Maybe have him wear the helmet the whole movie and have James Earl Jones do his dialog for him.

Natalie Portman looked great, even if she's preggers the whole time, there's only one scene where she is wearing ludicrous hair accessories...that leather football helmet thing...and the first time we see her, well she's got the Princess Leia hair going, which I'm sure caused thousands of 40 year old virgins to get under thier own Jedi robes during the midnight showings Wednesday. 

Great movie, I might even go see it again before it comes out on DVD just to look at the damn thing, because you know there's all kinds of stuff you missed the first time.  I just wish that Phantom Menace had never happened, that the prequel trilogy started with Attack of the Clones and that Lucas could have made two full-length movies out of this one.  Oh, well.  Nobody can ever force us to watch Phantom Menace again.  Except maybe Liam Neeson.

[Chuck]

What I find amazing is that the actor who gives the best performance is Yoda.

Quite correct.

Great movie, I might even go see it again before it comes out on DVD just to look at the damn thing, because you know there's all kinds of stuff you missed the first time.

Yeah.  Like the reason the Wookies were even in this movie.  Why they killed Grevious so early -- and never had him really face Anakin given their parallels.  And how Anakin really became bad.

Palpy: You must turn to the dark side!

Anakin: No!

Palpy: Please?

Anakin: Hmm....

Palpy: Oh, come on.  It'll be fun.

Anakin: Ok.

Palpy: You are now Darth Vader.

That scene sucked.

[Rooster]

What I find amazing is that the actor who gives the best performance is Yoda.

Quite correct.

Great movie, I might even go see it again before it comes out on DVD just to look at the damn thing, because you know there's all kinds of stuff you missed the first time.

Yeah.  Like the reason the Wookies were even in this movie.  Why they killed Grevious so early -- and never had him really face Anakin given their parallels.  And how Anakin really became bad.

Palpy: You must turn to the dark side!

Anakin: No!

Palpy: Please?

Anakin: Hmm....

Palpy: Oh, come on.  It'll be fun.

Anakin: Ok.

Palpy: You are now Darth Vader.

That scene sucked.

The movie sucked.  Ok, it has some very good visual effects.  But, just about anyone could have spruced up this story.  Substituting light saber battles for an actual storyline doesn't exactly make it compelling.  This was about as much fun as watching your friend play a video game for two hours.

[SD]

Also, in certain key situations, a character did something which didn't make sense other than not to f@#$ up 4, 5 and 6.

A lot is said about the job this movie does of intermeshing the entire story, both good and bad things, and I would like to explore this instance.  Now having seen the movie (holding it in high regard but still reluctant to rate or compare), I can ask which character and situations you're refering to. 

[DwightKurtz]

I forced my girlfriend to switch days at work and drove four hours to see it on opening night with my best friend.  I thought it was great.  It explained a lot, it tied the loose ends, and it has me excited for the Star Wars TV series which will be coming out sometime in the near future. 

Who knew that YODA would be the biggest badass in the Star Wars galaxy?

[Tinker to Evers to Chance]

Bump.

Slashfilm linked some genius' 70-minute youtube review breaking down how awful, awful Episode I was.

http://www.slashfilm.com/2009/12/17/watch-this-70-minute-video-review-of-star-wars-the-phantom-menace/

The first chapter talks about the main reason the movie sucks.  There's no reason to give a shit about any of the characters.

The rest is about how nothing in plot makes any sense at all.

If you don't want to spend 70 minutes getting reminded of how terrible the movie is, just watch part one and the last four minutes of part six.  All of it is brilliant, though.