Fuck Zorp You Stathead Turds

[SKO]

Sutcliffe had a beard though. And facial hair+wins+packs of marlboros smoked is THE BEST WAY TO MEASURE A PITCHER, YOU ZORPING FAGGOTS! NAME ME ONE FUCKING STATISTIC BETTER!

[Pre]

I tenderly nestled up to a guy on the train today. Came into work and I got a fucking raise. Top that you stat-loving manpanzees.

I let him fuck my face.

[SKO]

The All Stars..
Catcher: AJ Pierzynski: All you statfaggots wanna hate on him " his OBP is only .312, and for his career its only .326", well guess what faggots? NOBODY FUCKING CARES YOU DICK LOVING QUEERS! Pierzynski hit .281 last year with 13 home runs and 60 RBIS, plus 66 runs. Plus he's a fucking GAMER who always gets in the other teams heads! You wouldn't understand that cuz it can't be measured with your faggot ZORP and QUIP and BAAAS or whatever, but other teams HATE To play against AJ! SO RAM YOUR THE WARMTH OF YOUR MOUTH OVER MY PHALLUS, FAGGOTS!

1B: Nick Swisher: the statfaggots will say that his .219/.332/.410 last year sucked according to HOMOMETRICS, but look at 24 homers, 69 rbis, and 86 runs, for a respectable total of 179 total runs. NAME ME ONE STATISTIC THAT CONTRIBUTES TO SCORING MORE THAN RUNS, YOU FAGGOTS! Just one!

2B: Robinson Cano: "But his OPS was only .715 last year!" What. the. fuck. ever. FAGGOTS! you're talkin to a guy with a .271 avg. 14 homers, and 72 RBIS, plus 70 runs, for a 156 total runs! Bet you're all wishin you knew baseball the way I do! I know baseball so hard you'll have to concede the superiority of my virile manhood! God damn I need a FUCKING SHOWER! OWNING THE STATFAGGOTS ROCKS MY FUCKING WORLD!

3B: Adrian Beltre: "A .784 OPS is horrible for a middle of the order corner infielder!" SAY THAT TO MY FUCKING FACE AND I WILL SLATHER YOU IN OIL AND WRESTLE YOUR ASS TO THE GROUND, STATFAGGOT! 25 home runs faggots! NAME ONE STATISTIC MORE GUARANTEED TO HELP YOUR TEAM SCORE RUNS THAN HOME RUNS! JUST ONE! GOD DAMN I NEED A FUCKING CHEST BUMP!

SS: Ryan Theriot: GOD! I'm so fucking tired of you homometricians tryin to tell me Ryan Theriot is replaceable! He his .307 and he is the FUCKING SPARK PLUG! You faggots don't realize what a player like Theriot brings to the game because you've never played grab ass in the showers and run out onto the field ready to STRIVE FOR VICTORY TOGETHER! If Ryan Theriot had played legion ball with me and the boys you can beat he'd earn more ass smacks than anyone! HUSTLE! GRIT! I AM SALIVATING WITH THE THOUGHT OF A "W" EARNED THROUGH SWEATY, GRITTY TEAMWORK!

LF: Carl Crawford: What? You thinkin "a .319 OBP sucks for a top of the order guy!" or ".718 OPS for a corner outfielder??" Here's my retort: GO FUCK A DUDE YOU IGNORANT CUM SWILLING HOMO! How's a .273 avg. and 25 stolen bases hit ya? Bet they don't mean shit to you because you couldn't out run my legion ball DH, OGRE! Well guess what! THAT GUY FUCKING RULES! YOU CAN NOT DOMINATE A KEG STAND THE WAY OGRE DOES!!!!! He got a fucking scholarship to play for free at the community college, WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU FAGGOTS DONE! I can't fucking WAIT till ogre and I run a train on some bitch, high fivin all the way. Nothin like TEAMWORK!

CF: Juan Fucking Pierre: " Wah wah .326 OBP! Wha wha .655 OPS!" Fuck the fuck off, faggots. He stole 40 bags this year, thats 40 fuckin singles he turned into doubles through hustle, how's your ZORP Gonna calculate THAT? Faggots.

RF: Corey Hart: 20 homers + 91 RBIS+23 SB+76 Runs= 210 ways to FUCK YOU STATHEAD FAGGOTS UP! Say one word about his .759 OPS and I will come over to your house and videotape my guns as I force you to take my manhood in your ass, you queer ass zorp loving faggot!

FUCK! All this statfag DOMINATION has absolutely wrecked my shit, time to go LIFT. Let me know when one of you faggots wants to STEP INTO THE BOX! I WILL STRIKE YOU OUT ON THREE FUCKING PITCHES, FAGGOTS!

[Tank]

TDubbs is getting hard.

[ChuckD]

3B: Adrian Beltre: "A .784 OPS is horrible for a middle of the order corner infielder!" SAY THAT TO MY FUCKING FACE AND I WILL SLATHER YOU IN OIL AND WRESTLE YOUR ASS TO THE GROUND, STATFAGGOT! 25 home runs faggots! NAME ONE STATISTIC MORE GUARANTEED TO HELP YOUR TEAM SCORE RUNS THAN HOME RUNS! JUST ONE! GOD DAMN I NEED A FUCKING CHEST BUMP!

Only some queerometrician would give this to someone like Adrian Beltre. Mark Rennolds is a brainful ballplayer and a lot of the time he hits the ball harder than most other baseball players who've ever played.

He's also faster and hits more homers and drives in more RUNS than Adrian. That's like 6 tools that he's better at than BELTRE. He probably also has a planer which are kind of going out of style so that's like 7. You know whose team had 82 wins? THE DAIMONDBACKS! Thats who. You know who played for them? MATT REYNOLDS! That's who. Adrian Beltre played for the Mariners and they had like 200 losses. LOL IS THAT BASEBALL?!

MAROL REYNOL

[SKO]

http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20080224&content_id=2387105&vkey=spt2008news&fext=.jsp&c_id=sea&partnered=rss_sea
"Something you probably didn't know might explain why Beltre's defense is so good. He never wears a protective cup. "
Beltre's such a bad ass he doesn't even protect his junk! NONE OF YOU QUEERS UNDERSTAND THE EROTIC SENSATION OF TIGHT PANTS ON YOUR NAKED SATCHEL! ADRIAN BELTRE IS A TRUE BASEBALL PLAYER!

[Quality Start Machine]

http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20080224&content_id=2387105&vkey=spt2008news&fext=.jsp&c_id=sea&partnered=rss_sea
"Something you probably didn't know might explain why Beltre's defense is so good. He never wears a protective cup. "
Beltre's such a bad ass he doesn't even protect his junk! NONE OF YOU QUEERS UNDERSTAND THE EROTIC SENSATION OF TIGHT PANTS ON YOUR NAKED SATCHEL! ADRIAN BELTRE IS A TRUE BASEBALL PLAYER!

Fuck that pussy-assed faggot shit. Aramis plays third hanging brain.

[JD]

http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20080224&content_id=2387105&vkey=spt2008news&fext=.jsp&c_id=sea&partnered=rss_sea
"Something you probably didn't know might explain why Beltre's defense is so good. He never wears a protective cup. "
Beltre's such a bad ass he doesn't even protect his junk! NONE OF YOU QUEERS UNDERSTAND THE EROTIC SENSATION OF TIGHT PANTS ON YOUR NAKED SATCHEL! ADRIAN BELTRE IS A TRUE BASEBALL PLAYER!

Fuck that pussy-assed faggot shit. Aramis plays third hanging brain.

I don't see the big deal.

[Bonk]

I looked through the entire link and did a search and still can't find out what the fuck ZORP is supposed to stand for.

I'm with you guys on the statfags. A friend of a friend of mine claims he can manage a baseball team better than an MLB manager using just Sabremetrics. Then again, he's a Reds fan, so he probably could do a better job than Dustfuck.

Sabremetrics stats are mildly interesting to evaluate for people that realize they're just tools, not a way for computer geeks who've never played baseball to claim they're baseball experts because they wrote a few formulas in an Excel spreadsheet.

[Tank]

I looked through the entire link and did a search and still can't find out what the fuck ZORP is supposed to stand for.

I'm with you guys on the statfags. A friend of a friend of mine claims he can manage a baseball team better than an MLB manager using just Sabremetrics. Then again, he's a Reds fan, so he probably could do a better job than Dustfuck.

Sabremetrics stats are mildly interesting to evaluate for people that realize they're just tools, not a way for computer geeks who've never played baseball to claim they're baseball experts because they wrote a few formulas in an Excel spreadsheet.

This has all the makings of a wonderful day at Desipio.

That is, if you faggots don't go and fuck it all up.

Which you probably will.

[ChuckD]

I looked through the entire link and did a search and still can't find out what the fuck ZORP is supposed to stand for.

I'm with you guys on the statfags. A friend of a friend of mine claims he can manage a baseball team better than an MLB manager using just Sabremetrics. Then again, he's a Reds fan, so he probably could do a better job than Dustfuck.

Sabremetrics stats are mildly interesting to evaluate for people that realize they're just tools, not a way for computer geeks who've never played baseball to claim they're baseball experts because they wrote a few formulas in an Excel spreadsheet.

This has all the makings of a wonderful day at Desipio.

That is, if you faggots don't go and fuck it all up.

Which you probably will.

Oh yeah? How do you know that? I bet you added up some probabilitizations or something, statfaggot. So, here is some numbers you can understand: you should 100% fuck off, nerd.

[JD]

I looked through the entire link and did a search and still can't find out what the fuck ZORP is supposed to stand for.

I'm with you guys on the statfags. A friend of a friend of mine claims he can manage a baseball team better than an MLB manager using just Sabremetrics. Then again, he's a Reds fan, so he probably could do a better job than Dustfuck.

Sabremetrics stats are mildly interesting to evaluate for people that realize they're just tools, not a way for computer geeks who've never played baseball to claim they're baseball experts because they wrote a few formulas in an Excel spreadsheet.

This has all the makings of a wonderful day at Desipio.

That is, if you faggots don't go and fuck it all up.

Which you probably will.

Oh yeah? How do you know that? I bet you added up some probabilitizations or something, statfaggot. So, here is some numbers you can understand: you should 100% fuck off, nerd.

What in the world?  What is wrong with you guys?  Listen, statistics can be a beautiful thing and they don't lie.  I thought you guys loved to add and divide.  Remember that time RV taught me to subtract.  NOW, I can't stop doing it!  I think we all just need to step back and realize that math is here to stay.  Personally, I feel a lot---A LOT---better about my cubs manager if he doesn't have to just WATCH the game to figure things out.  Sure, that's ONE way to do it, but what about him looking at the scorebard and seeing that Aramis Ramirez has a lot of homers and saying "that guy has power...he's one of our power hitters...he should hit 4th or somewhere"?  I think that's a plus(ADDITION).  We can all get along.  It's not like some guy's talking about being ghey or something.  We're all dudes in here and out there. 

[RV]

I looked through the entire link and did a search and still can't find out what the fuck ZORP is supposed to stand for.

I'm with you guys on the statfags. A friend of a friend of mine claims he can manage a baseball team better than an MLB manager using just Sabremetrics. Then again, he's a Reds fan, so he probably could do a better job than Dustfuck.

Sabremetrics stats are mildly interesting to evaluate for people that realize they're just tools, not a way for computer geeks who've never played baseball to claim they're baseball experts because they wrote a few formulas in an Excel spreadsheet.

This has all the makings of a wonderful day at Desipio.

That is, if you faggots don't go and fuck it all up.

Which you probably will.

Oh yeah? How do you know that? I bet you added up some probabilitizations or something, statfaggot. So, here is some numbers you can understand: you should 100% fuck off, nerd.

What in the world?  What is wrong with you guys?  Listen, statistics can be a beautiful thing and they don't lie.  I thought you guys loved to add and divide.  Remember that time RV taught me to subtract.  NOW, I can't stop doing it!  I think we all just need to step back and realize that math is here to stay.  Personally, I feel a lot---A LOT---better about my cubs manager if he doesn't have to just WATCH the game to figure things out.  Sure, that's ONE way to do it, but what about him looking at the scorebard and seeing that Aramis Ramirez has a lot of homers and saying "that guy has power...he's one of our power hitters...he should hit 4th or somewhere"?  I think that's a plus(ADDITION).  We can all get along.  It's not like some guy's talking about being ghey or something.  We're all dudes in here and out there.

That's some good perspective right there. I'll just add that in all my years I've never seen an Excel formula hit a bases-clearing triple or rub some neosporin on a teammate's infected boil.

[Eli]

I looked through the entire link and did a search and still can't find out what the fuck ZORP is supposed to stand for.

I'm with you guys on the statfags. A friend of a friend of mine claims he can manage a baseball team better than an MLB manager using just Sabremetrics. Then again, he's a Reds fan, so he probably could do a better job than Dustfuck.

Sabremetrics stats are mildly interesting to evaluate for people that realize they're just tools, not a way for computer geeks who've never played baseball to claim they're baseball experts because they wrote a few formulas in an Excel spreadsheet.

Your post is the most awesome because it's real.

[Tank]

I looked through the entire link and did a search and still can't find out what the fuck ZORP is supposed to stand for.

I'm with you guys on the statfags. A friend of a friend of mine claims he can manage a baseball team better than an MLB manager using just Sabremetrics. Then again, he's a Reds fan, so he probably could do a better job than Dustfuck.

Sabremetrics stats are mildly interesting to evaluate for people that realize they're just tools, not a way for computer geeks who've never played baseball to claim they're baseball experts because they wrote a few formulas in an Excel spreadsheet.

This has all the makings of a wonderful day at Desipio.

That is, if you faggots don't go and fuck it all up.

Which you probably will.

Oh yeah? How do you know that? I bet you added up some probabilitizations or something, statfaggot. So, here is some numbers you can understand: you should 100% fuck off, nerd.

Written like a typical limp dick homo.

Well, drop your drawers and reach for the dirt, Charlie.

Daddy's gonna show you a thing or two about linear weights.