Lenny Dykstra - Financial Genius

[Joe]

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=4084962

[Tank]

You know you've encountered good writing when the lede just describes the photo directly above it...

CAMARILLO, Calif. -- He's slumped behind a desk, looking frumpy in a sweater vest and tan cap.

Enticing!

[Tank]

"If I can cut somebody from the neck all the way down to the pubis with a scalpel, then I cannot be intimidated."

                                                                                                                 —Dr. Festus Dada, M.D.

[CT III]

I've always hated that fat fucking toad Dykstra.  I've been seeing articles on he and his stupid fucking business for the last couple of years, and I hope to god he ends up broke in the fucking gutter, too poor to purchase the firearm that he requires to put himself out of his misery.

[LoneStarCubFan]

Festus Dada is an awesome fucking name.

DOCTOR Festus Dada is seven kinds of awesome.

[thehawk]

I've always hated that fat fucking toad Dykstra.  I've been seeing articles on he and his stupid fucking business for the last couple of years, and I hope to god he ends up broke in the fucking gutter, too poor to purchase the firearm that he requires to put himself out of his misery.

Since it appears that he's running a Ponzi scheme, maybe he can share a cell with Bernie Madoff instead.  And he's a Mets fan, natch.

[flannj]

Everytime I read Dykstra's name here I can't help but think of Tonker's excellent story.

[Andre Dawson's Creek]

Lenny gave me great advice one time.  He said I should never use Skoal and take up Kodiak.  It was great advice.  Of course, I was 7 when he told me.

[Tank]

I've always hated that fat fucking toad Dykstra.  I've been seeing articles on he and his stupid fucking business for the last couple of years, and I hope to god he ends up broke in the fucking gutter, too poor to purchase the firearm that he requires to put himself out of his misery.

Since it appears that he's running a Ponzi scheme, maybe he can share a cell with Bernie Madoff instead.  And he's a Mets fan, natch.

Ponzi schemes tend to be more organized than this.

I'm not sure what Dykstra's got going even qualifies as a "scheme."

[Jon]

I've always hated that fat fucking toad Dykstra.  I've been seeing articles on he and his stupid fucking business for the last couple of years, and I hope to god he ends up broke in the fucking gutter, too poor to purchase the firearm that he requires to put himself out of his misery.

Since it appears that he's running a Ponzi scheme, maybe he can share a cell with Bernie Madoff instead.  And he's a Mets fan, natch.

Ponzi schemes tend to be more organized than this.

I'm not sure what Dykstra's got going even qualifies as a "scheme."

Maybe in the "hairbrained" or "screwball" sense. Like Lucy trying to get into Ricky's show.

"Lenny, you got some 'splainin' to do"

[CT III]

I've always hated that fat fucking toad Dykstra.  I've been seeing articles on he and his stupid fucking business for the last couple of years, and I hope to god he ends up broke in the fucking gutter, too poor to purchase the firearm that he requires to put himself out of his misery.

Since it appears that he's running a Ponzi scheme, maybe he can share a cell with Bernie Madoff instead.  And he's a Mets fan, natch.

Ponzi schemes tend to be more organized than this.

I'm not sure what Dykstra's got going even qualifies as a "scheme."

Lenny's scheme seems a bit more straight forward.

Step 1:  Agree to a contract with someone in which you will pay them a set amount of money to do certain work.

Step 2: Either stop paying that person mid-project or refuse to pay them at the end.

Step 3: When said person complains, declare that the work they did is in no way worth what you agreed to pay them for it, which is tantamount to theft.

Step 4: Continue to refer to yourself as "Nails" despite the fact that you spent half your fucking career on the DL.

[Slaky]

I've always hated that fat fucking toad Dykstra.  I've been seeing articles on he and his stupid fucking business for the last couple of years, and I hope to god he ends up broke in the fucking gutter, too poor to purchase the firearm that he requires to put himself out of his misery.

Since it appears that he's running a Ponzi scheme, maybe he can share a cell with Bernie Madoff instead.  And he's a Mets fan, natch.

Ponzi schemes tend to be more organized than this.

I'm not sure what Dykstra's got going even qualifies as a "scheme."

Lenny's scheme seems a bit more straight forward.

Step 1:  Agree to a contract with someone in which you will pay them a set amount of money to do certain work.

Step 2: Either stop paying that person mid-project or refuse to pay them at the end.

Step 3: When said person complains, declare that the work they did is in no way worth what you agreed to pay them for it, which is tantamount to theft.

Step 4: Continue to refer to yourself as "Nails" despite the fact that you spent half your fucking career on the DL.

Lenny's got a little H.H. Holmes in him.

[Shooter]

Step 4: Continue to refer to yourself as "Nails" despite the fact that you spent half your fucking career on the DL.

Steroids are hard on the body.

[Quality Start Machine]

I like that the two most famous people to endorse him are Jim Cramer and George W. Bush.

No way that goes wrong...

[thehawk]

Now that I think about it, its less of a Ponzi scheme, but one of the things Dykstra did was provide some notes for money due to him (which he had already forgiven as part of a prior 'deal gone bad') as supposed collateral for a future loan, which is a bad bad thing. 

Also still have to respect the fact he robbed a Nigerian.  He's helping to rebalance the balance of fraud.