Spring Has Sprung 2010

[PenFoe]

Too good not to share...


http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/columnists.nsf/billmcclellan/story/88081BE12B6C269E862576D1007F2D26?OpenDocument#tp_newCommentAnchor

That guy is a fucking idiot....

5. Should the Cubs bring Sammy Sosa back as hitting coach?

This is probably the toughest question facing the Cubs this spring.

Toughest question in the sense that they never even fucking asked it.

I'm pretty sure that's tongue firmly planted in cheek.

[CBStew]

"Should the Cubs bring Sammy Sosa back as hitting coach?

This is probably the toughest question facing the Cubs this spring. The team just signed Rudy Jaramillo to a three-year deal. He's considered the top hitting coach in the majors, but it's tempting to bring Sammy back.

In a sense, of course, he's damaged goods. Everybody but Tony La Russa suspects that Sammy did steroids. Tony thinks he did a lot of pushups.

But Cubs have been watching what has been going on with the Cardinals, and the new thinking is that Sammy could come back and make a quasi-apology: "Yes, I did steroids, but I only did them because there wasn't any drug testing and I didn't think I'd get caught. Furthermore, the steroids didn't help me hit home runs. They only helped me get healthy and stay healthy."

Admittedly, this would be a strange message to send to kids. Especially the part about steroids helping you get healthy and stay healthy. "Think of them as vitamins, kids! Have you had your human growth hormone today?"

But as long as that message seems to be working for the Cardinals in Florida, why not try it with the Cubs in Arizona?

After all, if steroids don't help a person hit home runs, Sammy has to be considered the greatest home run hitter of all time. He was the only player to hit more than 60 home runs in a season three times.

However, even if we overlook the steroids, we have another delicate situation. Namely, Sammy has changed color.

He showed up at the Latin Grammys in Las Vegas in November, and he was no longer the Sammy that most of us remember. That Sammy had black skin. The new Sammy is a much lighter model. He told reporters that a cosmetic cream he was using to soften his skin had caused the change in coloration.

Well, fine. I'm betting that White Sammy will be just as lovable as was Black Sammy.

Which is why the Cubs might want to bring him in as hitting coach. Not only would he be a great hitting coach, but he would be an ambassador for baseball.

Remember how full of joy he was in that magical 1998 season? Mark McGwire was grumpy and angry while Sammy was always deliriously happy. And it was contagious. Even the grumpy Big Mac smiled and laughed when he was around Sammy.

If the Cubs would bring Sammy back, we could relive those magical times. Whenever the Cubs and Cardinals play, the two hitting coaches could get together by the batting cage and hug and reminisce. Fans would love it. Admittedly, it wouldn't be quite the same with Medium Mac and White Sammy. But it would still be good."

[Slaky]

Too good not to share...


http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/columnists.nsf/billmcclellan/story/88081BE12B6C269E862576D1007F2D26?OpenDocument#tp_newCommentAnchor

That guy is a fucking idiot....

5. Should the Cubs bring Sammy Sosa back as hitting coach?

This is probably the toughest question facing the Cubs this spring.

Toughest question in the sense that they never even fucking asked it.

He's mocking the Cubs. The whole time.

[Yeti]

Too good not to share...


http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/columnists.nsf/billmcclellan/story/88081BE12B6C269E862576D1007F2D26?OpenDocument#tp_newCommentAnchor

That guy is a fucking idiot....

5. Should the Cubs bring Sammy Sosa back as hitting coach?

This is probably the toughest question facing the Cubs this spring.

Toughest question in the sense that they never even fucking asked it.

He's mocking the Cubs. The whole time.

Fuck me.. I guess I should have read it a little closer. I missed #4 the first time... *Face. Palm*

[Brownie]

Too good not to share...


http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/columnists.nsf/billmcclellan/story/88081BE12B6C269E862576D1007F2D26?OpenDocument#tp_newCommentAnchor

That guy is a fucking idiot....

5. Should the Cubs bring Sammy Sosa back as hitting coach?

This is probably the toughest question facing the Cubs this spring.

Toughest question in the sense that they never even fucking asked it.

But that's why he's here: to ask the tough questions no one else will.

[Pre]

He's mocking the Cubs. The whole time.

He's also mocking the Cardinals, although very poorly.  It's like a bad Jim Caple article.
When I used to read espn.com I hated that guy so much because half the time I
clicked on a serious sounding article I would get total garbage like this article.

[Powdered Toast Man]

Is this site a joke?  Like, not they're trying to be real but end up being a joke point and laugh HA-HA, but are they just being retards and having some fun?  I mean, really.  I NEED ANSWERS

[Waco Kid]

If the Cubs bring back Sammy they could put him on the roster after Aug 31 and have him pinch hit, like McGwire for the Cards.

[WTB...A RING FFS!!]

Does it make me bad that after that '08 choke in the playoffs that I decided I'm not going to really watch the Cubs til I see they actually made a World Series? I have a wife and 8-month old and thought for sure they'd at least make it in '08. I just don't have the time/patience to dedicate the ridiculous amounts of time to these losers like I used to. I think I may have watched all of 20 innings all last season when surfing. Now after they make it to the series, if that ever happens in my lifetime, I'll get back to watching. Just not putting any more stock in this team til they can make it over the hump for once.

I find myself slowly drifting in this direction.

Just win a fucking pennant already, assholes.

How many games do you have to watch to retain car-flipping/tire-burning privileges in the event they DO win, Huebiter?

I think we need to set limits on this. Something along the lines of being a Scrubs fan for a minimum of 10 years. Of course there'd have to be a rules committee voteon for guidelines. I'd say if you've watched over like 500-1000 games of these losers you retain the rights, even if you haven't watched a game in said winning season.  I want nothing to do with the ruling body so I leave it in your capable hands.

[PenFoe]

Does it make me bad that after that '08 choke in the playoffs that I decided I'm not going to really watch the Cubs til I see they actually made a World Series? I have a wife and 8-month old and thought for sure they'd at least make it in '08. I just don't have the time/patience to dedicate the ridiculous amounts of time to these losers like I used to. I think I may have watched all of 20 innings all last season when surfing. Now after they make it to the series, if that ever happens in my lifetime, I'll get back to watching. Just not putting any more stock in this team til they can make it over the hump for once.

I find myself slowly drifting in this direction.

Just win a fucking pennant already, assholes.

How many games do you have to watch to retain car-flipping/tire-burning privileges in the event they DO win, Huebiter?

I think we need to set limits on this. Something along the lines of being a Scrubs fan for a minimum of 10 years. Of course there'd have to be a rules committee voteon for guidelines. I'd say if you've watched over like 500-1000 games of these losers you retain the rights, even if you haven't watched a game in said winning season.  I want nothing to do with the ruling body so I leave it in your capable hands.

10 years?
500 games?

Waaaaay too short.

It's not like you personally have been waiting since 1908, so prior futility is more of a market-wide drought than a personal one.

Anything less than 25 years of personal anguish is just part of being a fan.

After 25 years, I think you can make the internal shift to "wake me when you fuckers stop sucking."

[MAD]

Does it make me bad that after that '08 choke in the playoffs that I decided I'm not going to really watch the Cubs til I see they actually made a World Series? I have a wife and 8-month old and thought for sure they'd at least make it in '08. I just don't have the time/patience to dedicate the ridiculous amounts of time to these losers like I used to. I think I may have watched all of 20 innings all last season when surfing. Now after they make it to the series, if that ever happens in my lifetime, I'll get back to watching. Just not putting any more stock in this team til they can make it over the hump for once.

I find myself slowly drifting in this direction.

Just win a fucking pennant already, assholes.

How many games do you have to watch to retain car-flipping/tire-burning privileges in the event they DO win, Huebiter?

I think we need to set limits on this. Something along the lines of being a Scrubs fan for a minimum of 10 years. Of course there'd have to be a rules committee voteon for guidelines. I'd say if you've watched over like 500-1000 games of these losers you retain the rights, even if you haven't watched a game in said winning season.  I want nothing to do with the ruling body so I leave it in your capable hands.

10 years?
500 games?

Waaaaay too short.

It's not like you personally have been waiting since 1908, so prior futility is more of a market-wide drought than a personal one.

Anything less than 25 years of personal anguish is just part of being a fan.

After 25 years, I think you can make the internal shift to "wake me when you fuckers stop sucking."

Good.  I'm in for 31, so I won't have to feel like an ingrate if I tune out until later this year, if they warrant it.   And I reserve the right to still display passion in say, wanting Ryan Dempster to die in a car fire.

In the meantime, I'm putting my energy into a  Stanley Cup run for the Hawks.

[Yeti]

Does it make me bad that after that '08 choke in the playoffs that I decided I'm not going to really watch the Cubs til I see they actually made a World Series? I have a wife and 8-month old and thought for sure they'd at least make it in '08. I just don't have the time/patience to dedicate the ridiculous amounts of time to these losers like I used to. I think I may have watched all of 20 innings all last season when surfing. Now after they make it to the series, if that ever happens in my lifetime, I'll get back to watching. Just not putting any more stock in this team til they can make it over the hump for once.

I find myself slowly drifting in this direction.

Just win a fucking pennant already, assholes.

How many games do you have to watch to retain car-flipping/tire-burning privileges in the event they DO win, Huebiter?

I think we need to set limits on this. Something along the lines of being a Scrubs fan for a minimum of 10 years. Of course there'd have to be a rules committee voteon for guidelines. I'd say if you've watched over like 500-1000 games of these losers you retain the rights, even if you haven't watched a game in said winning season.  I want nothing to do with the ruling body so I leave it in your capable hands.

What qualifies as a game? 4.6 innings? Because I sometimes might not be able to watch until the 6th-7th inning, but I still call that watching a game. Or on the flipside, I might be able to watch the first couple innings, and then I have to leave, listen on the radio for a bit, and THEN follow it on my phone...

I need answers.

[SKO]

Does it make me bad that after that '08 choke in the playoffs that I decided I'm not going to really watch the Cubs til I see they actually made a World Series? I have a wife and 8-month old and thought for sure they'd at least make it in '08. I just don't have the time/patience to dedicate the ridiculous amounts of time to these losers like I used to. I think I may have watched all of 20 innings all last season when surfing. Now after they make it to the series, if that ever happens in my lifetime, I'll get back to watching. Just not putting any more stock in this team til they can make it over the hump for once.

I find myself slowly drifting in this direction.

Just win a fucking pennant already, assholes.

How many games do you have to watch to retain car-flipping/tire-burning privileges in the event they DO win, Huebiter?

I think we need to set limits on this. Something along the lines of being a Scrubs fan for a minimum of 10 years. Of course there'd have to be a rules committee voteon for guidelines. I'd say if you've watched over like 500-1000 games of these losers you retain the rights, even if you haven't watched a game in said winning season.  I want nothing to do with the ruling body so I leave it in your capable hands.

10 years?
500 games?

Waaaaay too short.

It's not like you personally have been waiting since 1908, so prior futility is more of a market-wide drought than a personal one.

Anything less than 25 years of personal anguish is just part of being a fan.

After 25 years, I think you can make the internal shift to "wake me when you fuckers stop sucking."

That's about the way I look at it. I'm 21 years old. The way I see it, my life as a Cub fan hasn't been any more painful than most other fanbases, and I sure as hell have had it better than Pirates/Reds/Brewers/Orioles/Royals/Rangers/Nationals fans of the same age. I don't have the "I've seen it TOO MANY TIMES" excuse. Sack up and watch the games, or just accept that it's pointless to get that worked up over any sport at all, but don't come back crying when they do win the fucking thing.

[Chuck to Chuck]

That's about the way I look at it. I'm 21 years old. The way I see it, my life as a Cub fan hasn't been any more painful than most other fanbases, and I sure as hell have had it better than Pirates/Reds/Brewers/Orioles/Royals/Rangers/Nationals fans of the same age. I don't have the "I've seen it TOO MANY TIMES" excuse. Sack up and watch the games, or just accept that it's pointless to get that worked up over any sport at all, but don't come back crying when they do win the fucking thing.

I'll give you the Rangers.  Hell, Bush was their owner.  But the rest?

The Nats don't count - too new.
The Brewers were in the World Series 28 years ago (yes, just outside your age, but not by a huge margin).
The Reds won in 1988.
The Royals won in 1985.
The Orioles won in 1983.
The Pirates won in 1979.

These teams have had success in recent history.

Like, since the television was invented.

[Yeti]

That's about the way I look at it. I'm 21 years old. The way I see it, my life as a Cub fan hasn't been any more painful than most other fanbases, and I sure as hell have had it better than Pirates/Reds/Brewers/Orioles/Royals/Rangers/Nationals fans of the same age. I don't have the "I've seen it TOO MANY TIMES" excuse. Sack up and watch the games, or just accept that it's pointless to get that worked up over any sport at all, but don't come back crying when they do win the fucking thing.

I'll give you the Rangers.  Hell, Bush was their owner.  But the rest?

The Nats don't count - too new.
The Brewers were in the World Series 28 years ago (yes, just outside your age, but not by a huge margin).
The Reds won in 1988.
The Royals won in 1985.
The Orioles won in 1983.
The Pirates won in 1979.

These teams have had success in recent history.

Like, since the television was invented.

All of these before his birth, which was his point..