Cubs' Prospects FUTUREBONER thread

[CBStew]

Des Moines Register reporter Tommy Birch, 31, who frequently covers the Iowa Cubs, was arrested last night in a Buttpuddle County prostitution sting.



His Twitter has gone silent, but you can still ask him questions.

Cut the man some slack. Without hookers, that guy would never get any.

He looks like Gordo and Sullivan's fat lovechild.

Oh, my god.

And I will cut him some slack. As long as all the hookers were over 18, there is no reason this guy's pathetic life should be ruined.

I mean you're not wrong. Prostitution should probably be legal and good for him if that's how he's gonna get his shit broke off.

That said he's just a sad, boring turd on-line with no sense of humor so I don't like him based on that. I hope he doesn't get punched while he's in jail.

Yeah. Yeah. I know.  Prostitution is a crime against women, even though the majority of prostitutes are women.  The prostitutes are doing it because they are victims of society, etc., etc.  Now that I have admitted that, would someone tell me who was really hurt by his "crime" badly enough to put him in our overcrowded prison system? 

[InternetApex]

Des Moines Register reporter Tommy Birch, 31, who frequently covers the Iowa Cubs, was arrested last night in a Buttpuddle County prostitution sting.



His Twitter has gone silent, but you can still ask him questions.

Cut the man some slack. Without hookers, that guy would never get any.

He looks like Gordo and Sullivan's fat lovechild.

Oh, my god.

And I will cut him some slack. As long as all the hookers were over 18, there is no reason this guy's pathetic life should be ruined.

I mean you're not wrong. Prostitution should probably be legal and good for him if that's how he's gonna get his shit broke off.

That said he's just a sad, boring turd on-line with no sense of humor so I don't like him based on that. I hope he doesn't get punched while he's in jail.

Yeah. Yeah. I know.  Prostitution is a crime against women, even though the majority of prostitutes are women.  The prostitutes are doing it because they are victims of society, etc., etc.  Now that I have admitted that, would someone tell me who was really hurt by his "crime" badly enough to put him in our overcrowded prison system? 

I'm saying, as long as they were 18 and not part of some fucked up human trafficking cartel, I don't know.

[Yeti]

Des Moines Register reporter Tommy Birch, 31, who frequently covers the Iowa Cubs, was arrested last night in a Buttpuddle County prostitution sting.



His Twitter has gone silent, but you can still ask him questions.

Cut the man some slack. Without hookers, that guy would never get any.

He looks like Gordo and Sullivan's fat lovechild.

Oh, my god.

And I will cut him some slack. As long as all the hookers were over 18, there is no reason this guy's pathetic life should be ruined.

I mean you're not wrong. Prostitution should probably be legal and good for him if that's how he's gonna get his shit broke off.

That said he's just a sad, boring turd on-line with no sense of humor so I don't like him based on that. I hope he doesn't get punched while he's in jail.

Yeah. Yeah. I know.  Prostitution is a crime against women, even though the majority of prostitutes are women.  The prostitutes are doing it because they are victims of society, etc., etc.  Now that I have admitted that, would someone tell me who was really hurt by his "crime" badly enough to put him in our overcrowded prison system? 

God

[Quality Start Machine]

Des Moines Register reporter Tommy Birch, 31, who frequently covers the Iowa Cubs, was arrested last night in a Buttpuddle County prostitution sting.



His Twitter has gone silent, but you can still ask him questions.

Cut the man some slack. Without hookers, that guy would never get any.

He looks like Gordo and Sullivan's fat lovechild.

Oh, my god.

And I will cut him some slack. As long as all the hookers were over 18, there is no reason this guy's pathetic life should be ruined.

I mean you're not wrong. Prostitution should probably be legal and good for him if that's how he's gonna get his shit broke off.

That said he's just a sad, boring turd on-line with no sense of humor so I don't like him based on that. I hope he doesn't get punched while he's in jail.

Yeah. Yeah. I know.  Prostitution is a crime against women, even though the majority of prostitutes are women.  The prostitutes are doing it because they are victims of society, etc., etc.  Now that I have admitted that, would someone tell me who was really hurt by his "crime" badly enough to put him in our overcrowded prison system? 

God

Well, now Subway has to reopen auditions...

[InternetApex]

I have always hated that fat fuck Jared from Subway. In Indy it's common to see him hanging around downtown, especially at sporting events with his dorky friends. They get approached by people who are impressed by him. He's supposed to be promoting some healthy diet of bread and meat but every time I saw him he was fat and drunk and ugly as homemade sin.

I once saw him at a Colts game sitting in a section below mine. I was in the front row of the balcony at the old Hoosier/RCA Dump and he was in the front ass row with his crew of (child oggling) derelicts. People were yelling to him and he kept turning around to wave. At one perfectly calm moment, I yelled, "HEY JARED!" He turned around and looked right at me and I yelled, "GET A JOB!" Hilarity ensued.

I can't explain it but there was always something phony about him. His on-screen persona didn't mesh with his beer guzzling fat ass frat boy ways and actions. I always figured he would have been some sort of white collar thief if it weren't for his fame. But I didn't suspect this. He sickens me about as much as any human I've ever seen in real life.

Fuck him, fuck Subway, fuck the Colts.

[SKO]

I guess this is fitting for what CT dubbed the "minor league pederast" thread.

[Saul Goodman]

I have always hated that fat fuck Jared from Subway. In Indy it's common to see him hanging around downtown, especially at sporting events with his dorky friends. They get approached by people who are impressed by him. He's supposed to be promoting some healthy diet of bread and meat but every time I saw him he was fat and drunk and ugly as homemade sin.

I once saw him at a Colts game sitting in a section below mine. I was in the front row of the balcony at the old Hoosier/RCA Dump and he was in the front ass row with his crew of (child oggling) derelicts. People were yelling to him and he kept turning around to wave. At one perfectly calm moment, I yelled, "HEY JARED!" He turned around and looked right at me and I yelled, "GET A JOB!" Hilarity ensued.

I can't explain it but there was always something phony about him. His on-screen persona didn't mesh with his beer guzzling fat ass frat boy ways and actions. I always figured he would have been some sort of white collar thief if it weren't for his fame. But I didn't suspect this. He sickens me about as much as any human I've ever seen in real life.

Fuck him, fuck Subway, fuck the Colts.

Sterling likes this.  I've always hated him too, but now I actually have sensible reasons.

[SKO]

I have always hated that fat fuck Jared from Subway. In Indy it's common to see him hanging around downtown, especially at sporting events with his dorky friends. They get approached by people who are impressed by him. He's supposed to be promoting some healthy diet of bread and meat but every time I saw him he was fat and drunk and ugly as homemade sin.

I once saw him at a Colts game sitting in a section below mine. I was in the front row of the balcony at the old Hoosier/RCA Dump and he was in the front ass row with his crew of (child oggling) derelicts. People were yelling to him and he kept turning around to wave. At one perfectly calm moment, I yelled, "HEY JARED!" He turned around and looked right at me and I yelled, "GET A JOB!" Hilarity ensued.

I can't explain it but there was always something phony about him. His on-screen persona didn't mesh with his beer guzzling fat ass frat boy ways and actions. I always figured he would have been some sort of white collar thief if it weren't for his fame. But I didn't suspect this. He sickens me about as much as any human I've ever seen in real life.

Fuck him, fuck Subway, fuck the Colts.

Sterling likes this.  I've always hated him too, but now I actually have sensible reasons.

Hey man, I think hating him just for being a creepy fat dude who became famous by eating sawdust bread sandwiches three times a day and going on TV to talk about it was perfectly sensible. I don't need Jan from Toyota to get caught selling meth for me to have valid reasons for wanting her launched into space.

[Tony]

fuck the Colts.

The rest of Apex's Jared hate was good too. I just really hate the Colts.

[R-V]

I have always hated that fat fuck Jared from Subway. In Indy it's common to see him hanging around downtown, especially at sporting events with his dorky friends. They get approached by people who are impressed by him. He's supposed to be promoting some healthy diet of bread and meat but every time I saw him he was fat and drunk and ugly as homemade sin.

I once saw him at a Colts game sitting in a section below mine. I was in the front row of the balcony at the old Hoosier/RCA Dump and he was in the front ass row with his crew of (child oggling) derelicts. People were yelling to him and he kept turning around to wave. At one perfectly calm moment, I yelled, "HEY JARED!" He turned around and looked right at me and I yelled, "GET A JOB!" Hilarity ensued.

I can't explain it but there was always something phony about him. His on-screen persona didn't mesh with his beer guzzling fat ass frat boy ways and actions. I always figured he would have been some sort of white collar thief if it weren't for his fame. But I didn't suspect this. He sickens me about as much as any human I've ever seen in real life.

Fuck him, fuck Subway, fuck the Colts.

Sterling likes this.  I've always hated him too, but now I actually have sensible reasons.

Hey man, I think hating him just for being a creepy fat dude who became famous by eating sawdust bread sandwiches three times a day and going on TV to talk about it was perfectly sensible. I don't need Jan from Toyota to get caught selling meth for me to have valid reasons for wanting her launched into space.

How's that monastery search coming along?

[InternetApex]

I have always hated that fat fuck Jared from Subway. In Indy it's common to see him hanging around downtown, especially at sporting events with his dorky friends. They get approached by people who are impressed by him. He's supposed to be promoting some healthy diet of bread and meat but every time I saw him he was fat and drunk and ugly as homemade sin.

I once saw him at a Colts game sitting in a section below mine. I was in the front row of the balcony at the old Hoosier/RCA Dump and he was in the front ass row with his crew of (child oggling) derelicts. People were yelling to him and he kept turning around to wave. At one perfectly calm moment, I yelled, "HEY JARED!" He turned around and looked right at me and I yelled, "GET A JOB!" Hilarity ensued.

I can't explain it but there was always something phony about him. His on-screen persona didn't mesh with his beer guzzling fat ass frat boy ways and actions. I always figured he would have been some sort of white collar thief if it weren't for his fame. But I didn't suspect this. He sickens me about as much as any human I've ever seen in real life.

Fuck him, fuck Subway, fuck the Colts.

Sterling likes this.  I've always hated him too, but now I actually have sensible reasons.

Hey man, I think hating him just for being a creepy fat dude who became famous by eating sawdust bread sandwiches three times a day and going on TV to talk about it was perfectly sensible. I don't need Jan from Toyota to get caught selling meth for me to have valid reasons for wanting her launched into space.

Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah... woah...

[SKO]

I have always hated that fat fuck Jared from Subway. In Indy it's common to see him hanging around downtown, especially at sporting events with his dorky friends. They get approached by people who are impressed by him. He's supposed to be promoting some healthy diet of bread and meat but every time I saw him he was fat and drunk and ugly as homemade sin.

I once saw him at a Colts game sitting in a section below mine. I was in the front row of the balcony at the old Hoosier/RCA Dump and he was in the front ass row with his crew of (child oggling) derelicts. People were yelling to him and he kept turning around to wave. At one perfectly calm moment, I yelled, "HEY JARED!" He turned around and looked right at me and I yelled, "GET A JOB!" Hilarity ensued.

I can't explain it but there was always something phony about him. His on-screen persona didn't mesh with his beer guzzling fat ass frat boy ways and actions. I always figured he would have been some sort of white collar thief if it weren't for his fame. But I didn't suspect this. He sickens me about as much as any human I've ever seen in real life.

Fuck him, fuck Subway, fuck the Colts.

Sterling likes this.  I've always hated him too, but now I actually have sensible reasons.

Hey man, I think hating him just for being a creepy fat dude who became famous by eating sawdust bread sandwiches three times a day and going on TV to talk about it was perfectly sensible. I don't need Jan from Toyota to get caught selling meth for me to have valid reasons for wanting her launched into space.

Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah... woah...

My God, do other people like Jan from Toyota? Really? Is that a thing?

[Tony]

I have always hated that fat fuck Jared from Subway. In Indy it's common to see him hanging around downtown, especially at sporting events with his dorky friends. They get approached by people who are impressed by him. He's supposed to be promoting some healthy diet of bread and meat but every time I saw him he was fat and drunk and ugly as homemade sin.

I once saw him at a Colts game sitting in a section below mine. I was in the front row of the balcony at the old Hoosier/RCA Dump and he was in the front ass row with his crew of (child oggling) derelicts. People were yelling to him and he kept turning around to wave. At one perfectly calm moment, I yelled, "HEY JARED!" He turned around and looked right at me and I yelled, "GET A JOB!" Hilarity ensued.

I can't explain it but there was always something phony about him. His on-screen persona didn't mesh with his beer guzzling fat ass frat boy ways and actions. I always figured he would have been some sort of white collar thief if it weren't for his fame. But I didn't suspect this. He sickens me about as much as any human I've ever seen in real life.

Fuck him, fuck Subway, fuck the Colts.

Sterling likes this.  I've always hated him too, but now I actually have sensible reasons.

Hey man, I think hating him just for being a creepy fat dude who became famous by eating sawdust bread sandwiches three times a day and going on TV to talk about it was perfectly sensible. I don't need Jan from Toyota to get caught selling meth for me to have valid reasons for wanting her launched into space.

Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah... woah...

My God, do other people like Jan from Toyota? Really? Is that a thing?

She's hot. And the AT&T girl is cute.

[SKO]

I have always hated that fat fuck Jared from Subway. In Indy it's common to see him hanging around downtown, especially at sporting events with his dorky friends. They get approached by people who are impressed by him. He's supposed to be promoting some healthy diet of bread and meat but every time I saw him he was fat and drunk and ugly as homemade sin.

I once saw him at a Colts game sitting in a section below mine. I was in the front row of the balcony at the old Hoosier/RCA Dump and he was in the front ass row with his crew of (child oggling) derelicts. People were yelling to him and he kept turning around to wave. At one perfectly calm moment, I yelled, "HEY JARED!" He turned around and looked right at me and I yelled, "GET A JOB!" Hilarity ensued.

I can't explain it but there was always something phony about him. His on-screen persona didn't mesh with his beer guzzling fat ass frat boy ways and actions. I always figured he would have been some sort of white collar thief if it weren't for his fame. But I didn't suspect this. He sickens me about as much as any human I've ever seen in real life.

Fuck him, fuck Subway, fuck the Colts.

Sterling likes this.  I've always hated him too, but now I actually have sensible reasons.

Hey man, I think hating him just for being a creepy fat dude who became famous by eating sawdust bread sandwiches three times a day and going on TV to talk about it was perfectly sensible. I don't need Jan from Toyota to get caught selling meth for me to have valid reasons for wanting her launched into space.

Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah... woah...

My God, do other people like Jan from Toyota? Really? Is that a thing?

She's hot. And the AT&T girl is cute.

I do find the AT&T girl cute, but overall just am tired of the Quirky White Brunette Pitches Things trope that started with Flo from Progressive. I did not realize I'd receive so much pushback on Jan. I'll let her remain on Earth for now.

[Slaky]

I have always hated that fat fuck Jared from Subway. In Indy it's common to see him hanging around downtown, especially at sporting events with his dorky friends. They get approached by people who are impressed by him. He's supposed to be promoting some healthy diet of bread and meat but every time I saw him he was fat and drunk and ugly as homemade sin.

I once saw him at a Colts game sitting in a section below mine. I was in the front row of the balcony at the old Hoosier/RCA Dump and he was in the front ass row with his crew of (child oggling) derelicts. People were yelling to him and he kept turning around to wave. At one perfectly calm moment, I yelled, "HEY JARED!" He turned around and looked right at me and I yelled, "GET A JOB!" Hilarity ensued.

I can't explain it but there was always something phony about him. His on-screen persona didn't mesh with his beer guzzling fat ass frat boy ways and actions. I always figured he would have been some sort of white collar thief if it weren't for his fame. But I didn't suspect this. He sickens me about as much as any human I've ever seen in real life.

Fuck him, fuck Subway, fuck the Colts.

Sterling likes this.  I've always hated him too, but now I actually have sensible reasons.

Hey man, I think hating him just for being a creepy fat dude who became famous by eating sawdust bread sandwiches three times a day and going on TV to talk about it was perfectly sensible. I don't need Jan from Toyota to get caught selling meth for me to have valid reasons for wanting her launched into space.

Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah... woah...

Toyota Jan is a piece of shit