Kris Bryant Firehose of Splooge Thread

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Does anyone really think that Ephoyer gives two shits about what some shitty sportswriter writes about the reasons for the Bryant thing?  I fully expect him to be up on Friday for good because it may be what's best for The Cubs (both in terms of sending him down for the extra year of control and for bringing him up as soon as possible because he's good at baseball and can help this team ASAP).  If he's not up on Friday, it will only be because Hoystein doesn't think he's ready to contribute to the major league club yet.  I really think it's that simple and Gordo and his ilk can go get bent.

I don't think they break him in at home.  They didn't do that with Baez or Soler. Road opens.  Less media, no raving fans.  Still betting the 20th or 24th.

I don't get this.  Is Bryant getting little media attention now?  March was Kris Bryant month on MLB Network.  I think this whole "debut him on the road only" thing is weird.

This.  There are two ways of debuting: at home, or away.  As it happens, the last two Cubs' prospects have debuted on the road.  Who knows if that was deliberate or not?  What I do know is that it's a stretch to subsequently conclude that Bryant can't debut at Wrigley.

Having said that, I can't wait for the 50/50 chance to go against me so that Internet Chuck gets to pretend that he was right all along.

THERE MUST HAVE BEEN SUM MISTAKE.  DAT THEO GUY ONLY EVER CALLS GUYS UP ON THE ROAD!  ITS A TREND!  YOU CANT BUCK DA TREND, MY FRENTS!!!1!

(I'm not going to lie, I've been really, really looking forward to that, you fucking morans)

Man who's been putting the muscle in Tonker's kangaroo venison lately?

[ChuckD]

Does anyone really think that Ephoyer gives two shits about what some shitty sportswriter writes about the reasons for the Bryant thing?  I fully expect him to be up on Friday for good because it may be what's best for The Cubs (both in terms of sending him down for the extra year of control and for bringing him up as soon as possible because he's good at baseball and can help this team ASAP).  If he's not up on Friday, it will only be because Hoystein doesn't think he's ready to contribute to the major league club yet.  I really think it's that simple and Gordo and his ilk can go get bent.

I don't think they break him in at home.  They didn't do that with Baez or Soler. Road opens.  Less media, no raving fans.  Still betting the 20th or 24th.

I don't get this.  Is Bryant getting little media attention now?  March was Kris Bryant month on MLB Network.  I think this whole "debut him on the road only" thing is weird.

This.  There are two ways of debuting: at home, or away.  As it happens, the last two Cubs' prospects have debuted on the road.  Who knows if that was deliberate or not?  What I do know is that it's a stretch to subsequently conclude that Bryant can't debut at Wrigley.

Having said that, I can't wait for the 50/50 chance to go against me so that Internet Chuck gets to pretend that he was right all along.

THERE MUST HAVE BEEN SUM MISTAKE.  DAT THEO GUY ONLY EVER CALLS GUYS UP ON THE ROAD!  ITS A TREND!  YOU CANT BUCK DA TREND, MY FRENTS!!!1!

(I'm not going to lie, I've been really, really looking forward to that, you fucking morans)

Man who's been putting the muscle in Tonker's kangaroo venison lately?

Well, venison is muscle tissue, so ... the Kangaroo?

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Does anyone really think that Ephoyer gives two shits about what some shitty sportswriter writes about the reasons for the Bryant thing?  I fully expect him to be up on Friday for good because it may be what's best for The Cubs (both in terms of sending him down for the extra year of control and for bringing him up as soon as possible because he's good at baseball and can help this team ASAP).  If he's not up on Friday, it will only be because Hoystein doesn't think he's ready to contribute to the major league club yet.  I really think it's that simple and Gordo and his ilk can go get bent.

I don't think they break him in at home.  They didn't do that with Baez or Soler. Road opens.  Less media, no raving fans.  Still betting the 20th or 24th.

I don't get this.  Is Bryant getting little media attention now?  March was Kris Bryant month on MLB Network.  I think this whole "debut him on the road only" thing is weird.

This.  There are two ways of debuting: at home, or away.  As it happens, the last two Cubs' prospects have debuted on the road.  Who knows if that was deliberate or not?  What I do know is that it's a stretch to subsequently conclude that Bryant can't debut at Wrigley.

Having said that, I can't wait for the 50/50 chance to go against me so that Internet Chuck gets to pretend that he was right all along.

THERE MUST HAVE BEEN SUM MISTAKE.  DAT THEO GUY ONLY EVER CALLS GUYS UP ON THE ROAD!  ITS A TREND!  YOU CANT BUCK DA TREND, MY FRENTS!!!1!

(I'm not going to lie, I've been really, really looking forward to that, you fucking morans)

Man who's been putting the muscle in Tonker's kangaroo venison lately?

Well, venison is muscle tissue, so ... the Kangaroo?

Damn you.  Damn you straight to Brian Schlitter's blazing firebarn.

[SKO]

I gladly accept any shit thrown my way for predicting Bryant would be called up on the road. It does not matter. On this day all sins are forgiven and we embark on a new life. Forgotten are the Shane Andrews and Willie Greenes of the world. Kris Bryant is here to mend all of our broken, stupid hearts.

[Powdered Toast Man]

I gladly accept any shit thrown my way for predicting Bryant would be called up on the road. It does not matter. On this day all sins are forgiven and we embark on a new life. Forgotten are the Shane Andrews and Willie Greenes of the world. Kris Bryant is here to mend all of our broken, stupid hearts.

What else would we do on the internet, agree on stuff? Psh.

Also, #17! Right again!

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

I gladly accept any shit thrown my way for predicting Bryant would be called up on the road. It does not matter. On this day all sins are forgiven and we embark on a new life.   Forgotten are theShane Andrews and Willie Greenesof the world  . Kris Bryant is here to mend all of our broken, stupid hearts.

The solid near-decade of pancake-smashing homeruns that Aramis Ramirez hit already did that for me.

[InternetApex]

I gladly accept any shit thrown my way for predicting Bryant would be called up on the road. It does not matter. On this day all sins are forgiven and we embark on a new life.   Forgotten are theShane Andrews and Willie Greenesof the world  . Kris Bryant is here to mend all of our broken, stupid hearts.

The solid near-decade of pancake-smashing homeruns that Aramis Ramirez hit already did that for me.

Right? WTF, SKO?

[SKO]

I gladly accept any shit thrown my way for predicting Bryant would be called up on the road. It does not matter. On this day all sins are forgiven and we embark on a new life.   Forgotten are theShane Andrews and Willie Greenesof the world  . Kris Bryant is here to mend all of our broken, stupid hearts.

The solid near-decade of pancake-smashing homeruns that Aramis Ramirez hit already did that for me.

Fair point, but irrelevant.

KRIS BRYANT

[SKO]

I gladly accept any shit thrown my way for predicting Bryant would be called up on the road. It does not matter. On this day all sins are forgiven and we embark on a new life.   Forgotten are theShane Andrews and Willie Greenesof the world  . Kris Bryant is here to mend all of our broken, stupid hearts.

The solid near-decade of pancake-smashing homeruns that Aramis Ramirez hit already did that for me.

Right? WTF, SKO?

I was just plucking two shitty players out of a bin as representative of our collective fan experience rooting for the Cubs, and commenting on how Bryant will end this century of failure. It wasn't meant to rate him as the only good 3B the Cubs have had in our lifetimes and send Aramis into the land of the forgotten. MY BAD.

[InternetApex]

I gladly accept any shit thrown my way for predicting Bryant would be called up on the road. It does not matter. On this day all sins are forgiven and we embark on a new life.   Forgotten are theShane Andrews and Willie Greenesof the world  . Kris Bryant is here to mend all of our broken, stupid hearts.

The solid near-decade of pancake-smashing homeruns that Aramis Ramirez hit already did that for me.

Right? WTF, SKO?

I was just plucking two shitty players out of a bin as representative of our collective fan experience rooting for the Cubs, and commenting on how Bryant will end this century of failure. It wasn't meant to rate him as the only good 3B the Cubs have had in our lifetimes and send Aramis into the land of the forgotten. MY BAD.

Party foul.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

I gladly accept any shit thrown my way for predicting Bryant would be called up on the road. It does not matter. On this day all sins are forgiven and we embark on a new life.   Forgotten are theShane Andrews and Willie Greenesof the world  . Kris Bryant is here to mend all of our broken, stupid hearts.

The solid near-decade of pancake-smashing homeruns that Aramis Ramirez hit already did that for me.

Right? WTF, SKO?

I was just plucking two shitty players out of a bin as representative of our collective fan experience rooting for the Cubs, and commenting on how Bryant will end this century of failure. It wasn't meant to rate him as the only good 3B the Cubs have had in our lifetimes and send Aramis into the land of the forgotten. MY BAD.

It's fine.  It's just that I had gotten so tired of "Geez, the Cubs have had so many shitty 3rd baseman since RON SANTO" that it was just another reason to love Aramis.  Never forget.

[Tonker]

I gladly accept any shit thrown my way for predicting Bryant would be called up on the road. It does not matter. On this day all sins are forgiven and we embark on a new life. Forgotten are the Shane Andrews and Willie Greenes of the world. Kris Bryant is here to mend all of our broken, stupid hearts.

I'll decide that, if you don't mind.

[SKO]

I gladly accept any shit thrown my way for predicting Bryant would be called up on the road. It does not matter. On this day all sins are forgiven and we embark on a new life. Forgotten are the Shane Andrews and Willie Greenes of the world. Kris Bryant is here to mend all of our broken, stupid hearts.

I'll decide that, if you don't mind.

I do.

[Powdered Toast Man]

What is Internet Chuck doing? Why is he hating on Mark Grace?

When I was a kid, I watched a lot of Cubs baseball and Mark Grace was my favorite baseball player. I played 1B and wore #17 because of him. I was too young to even know or understand what went on in Grace's personal life...I just knew he was a nails 1B. And I liked him. I just liked the guy.

So, I'm just wondering...I know Grace was apparently not a saint, but still...who cares? Don't taint my childhood, Chuck. Or I'll break your internet kneecaps.

[Tonker]

What is Internet Chuck doing? Why is he hating on Mark Grace?

When I was a kid, I watched a lot of Cubs baseball and Mark Grace was my favorite baseball player. I played 1B and wore #17 because of him. I was too young to even know or understand what went on in Grace's personal life...I just knew he was a nails 1B. And I liked him. I just liked the guy.

So, I'm just wondering...I know Grace was apparently not a saint, but still...who cares? Don't taint my childhood, Chuck. Or I'll break your internet kneecaps.

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