PenisWrong's Humblebrag Thread

[InternetApex]

Maybe Lester's just a fucking closet case who can't throw to first and is afraid of facing a big league fastball. Maybe having Ross around is just cathartic for him in this big, crazy, loud world with all these people around who want to touch him and ask him questions.

He did surprisingly well in Oakland without Ross if that's the case. I went soft on Ross for a few weeks and now I regret it. I've singlehandedly turned Coghlan into Billy Williams out there in left. Least I can do is hate Ross into being useful or at least a really solid bullpen catcher.

Let's torch this barn, fuckers. See you in hell, Ross.

The Cubs bullpen catcher is my upstairs neighbor. His girlfriend's a lunatic.

*pushes "tell me more" button*

Hell yes. Please.

[R-V]

Maybe Lester's just a fucking closet case who can't throw to first and is afraid of facing a big league fastball. Maybe having Ross around is just cathartic for him in this big, crazy, loud world with all these people around who want to touch him and ask him questions.

He did surprisingly well in Oakland without Ross if that's the case. I went soft on Ross for a few weeks and now I regret it. I've singlehandedly turned Coghlan into Billy Williams out there in left. Least I can do is hate Ross into being useful or at least a really solid bullpen catcher.

Let's torch this barn, fuckers. See you in hell, Ross.

The Cubs bullpen catcher is my upstairs neighbor. His girlfriend's a lunatic.

*pushes "tell me more" button*

Hell yes. Please.

It's really not that wild of a story. I hear crazy loud noises upstairs late at night a few months ago and go up there to investigate. She answers the door and I'm like "Is everything OK up here? It sounds like there's furniture toppling over or something?" She immediately bursts into tears and says "That was me throwing a bunch of stuff. My boyfriend's at spring training and I just get upset when he's not here. He's a coach for the Cubs." I'm like "Oh well good luck with ALL THAT" and try to do the slowly back away thing. Then she turns around to go back in and...had locked herself out. And her dog is going nuts on the other side of the door. Luckily her next door neighbor intervened at that point and I was able to slither away without having to actually, you know, help her out. Now when we hear loud objects being tossed around again, my wife is like "Cubs on another road trip?" and I just nod.

The next time I see her I will definitely point out that a bullpen catcher is not a coach.

/coolstory

[SKO]

Maybe Lester's just a fucking closet case who can't throw to first and is afraid of facing a big league fastball. Maybe having Ross around is just cathartic for him in this big, crazy, loud world with all these people around who want to touch him and ask him questions.

He did surprisingly well in Oakland without Ross if that's the case. I went soft on Ross for a few weeks and now I regret it. I've singlehandedly turned Coghlan into Billy Williams out there in left. Least I can do is hate Ross into being useful or at least a really solid bullpen catcher.

Let's torch this barn, fuckers. See you in hell, Ross.

The Cubs bullpen catcher is my upstairs neighbor. His girlfriend's a lunatic.

*pushes "tell me more" button*

Hell yes. Please.

It's really not that wild of a story. I hear crazy loud noises upstairs late at night a few months ago and go up there to investigate. She answers the door and I'm like "Is everything OK up here? It sounds like there's furniture toppling over or something?" She immediately bursts into tears and says "That was me throwing a bunch of stuff. My boyfriend's at spring training and I just get upset when he's not here. He's a coach for the Cubs." I'm like "Oh well good luck with ALL THAT" and try to do the slowly back away thing. Then she turns around to go back in and...had locked herself out. And her dog is going nuts on the other side of the door. Luckily her next door neighbor intervened at that point and I was able to slither away without having to actually, you know, help her out. Now when we hear loud objects being tossed around again, my wife is like "Cubs on another road trip?" and I just nod.

The next time I see her I will definitely point out that a bullpen catcher is not a coach.

/coolstory

But is she hot?

[R-V]

Maybe Lester's just a fucking closet case who can't throw to first and is afraid of facing a big league fastball. Maybe having Ross around is just cathartic for him in this big, crazy, loud world with all these people around who want to touch him and ask him questions.

He did surprisingly well in Oakland without Ross if that's the case. I went soft on Ross for a few weeks and now I regret it. I've singlehandedly turned Coghlan into Billy Williams out there in left. Least I can do is hate Ross into being useful or at least a really solid bullpen catcher.

Let's torch this barn, fuckers. See you in hell, Ross.

The Cubs bullpen catcher is my upstairs neighbor. His girlfriend's a lunatic.

*pushes "tell me more" button*

Hell yes. Please.

It's really not that wild of a story. I hear crazy loud noises upstairs late at night a few months ago and go up there to investigate. She answers the door and I'm like "Is everything OK up here? It sounds like there's furniture toppling over or something?" She immediately bursts into tears and says "That was me throwing a bunch of stuff. My boyfriend's at spring training and I just get upset when he's not here. He's a coach for the Cubs." I'm like "Oh well good luck with ALL THAT" and try to do the slowly back away thing. Then she turns around to go back in and...had locked herself out. And her dog is going nuts on the other side of the door. Luckily her next door neighbor intervened at that point and I was able to slither away without having to actually, you know, help her out. Now when we hear loud objects being tossed around again, my wife is like "Cubs on another road trip?" and I just nod.

The next time I see her I will definitely point out that a bullpen catcher is not a coach.

/coolstory

But is she hot?

Nope. Apparently being a bullpen catcher isn't the ideal life one would assume it is.

[SKO]

Maybe Lester's just a fucking closet case who can't throw to first and is afraid of facing a big league fastball. Maybe having Ross around is just cathartic for him in this big, crazy, loud world with all these people around who want to touch him and ask him questions.

He did surprisingly well in Oakland without Ross if that's the case. I went soft on Ross for a few weeks and now I regret it. I've singlehandedly turned Coghlan into Billy Williams out there in left. Least I can do is hate Ross into being useful or at least a really solid bullpen catcher.

Let's torch this barn, fuckers. See you in hell, Ross.

The Cubs bullpen catcher is my upstairs neighbor. His girlfriend's a lunatic.

*pushes "tell me more" button*

Hell yes. Please.

It's really not that wild of a story. I hear crazy loud noises upstairs late at night a few months ago and go up there to investigate. She answers the door and I'm like "Is everything OK up here? It sounds like there's furniture toppling over or something?" She immediately bursts into tears and says "That was me throwing a bunch of stuff. My boyfriend's at spring training and I just get upset when he's not here. He's a coach for the Cubs." I'm like "Oh well good luck with ALL THAT" and try to do the slowly back away thing. Then she turns around to go back in and...had locked herself out. And her dog is going nuts on the other side of the door. Luckily her next door neighbor intervened at that point and I was able to slither away without having to actually, you know, help her out. Now when we hear loud objects being tossed around again, my wife is like "Cubs on another road trip?" and I just nod.

The next time I see her I will definitely point out that a bullpen catcher is not a coach.

/coolstory

But is she hot?

Nope. Apparently being a bullpen catcher isn't the ideal life one would assume it is.

Oh man. I'd have ranked them right behind defensive quality control coaches as far as their abilit to pull tail amongst all professional sports personnel. Sad.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Maybe Lester's just a fucking closet case who can't throw to first and is afraid of facing a big league fastball. Maybe having Ross around is just cathartic for him in this big, crazy, loud world with all these people around who want to touch him and ask him questions.

He did surprisingly well in Oakland without Ross if that's the case. I went soft on Ross for a few weeks and now I regret it. I've singlehandedly turned Coghlan into Billy Williams out there in left. Least I can do is hate Ross into being useful or at least a really solid bullpen catcher.

Let's torch this barn, fuckers. See you in hell, Ross.

The Cubs bullpen catcher is my upstairs neighbor. His girlfriend's a lunatic.

*pushes "tell me more" button*

Hell yes. Please.

It's really not that wild of a story. I hear crazy loud noises upstairs late at night a few months ago and go up there to investigate. She answers the door and I'm like "Is everything OK up here? It sounds like there's furniture toppling over or something?" She immediately bursts into tears and says "That was me throwing a bunch of stuff. My boyfriend's at spring training and I just get upset when he's not here. He's a coach for the Cubs." I'm like "Oh well good luck with ALL THAT" and try to do the slowly back away thing. Then she turns around to go back in and...had locked herself out. And her dog is going nuts on the other side of the door. Luckily her next door neighbor intervened at that point and I was able to slither away without having to actually, you know, help her out. Now when we hear loud objects being tossed around again, my wife is like "Cubs on another road trip?" and I just nod.

The next time I see her I will definitely point out that a bullpen catcher is not a coach.

/coolstory

But is she hot?

Nope. Apparently being a bullpen catcher isn't the ideal life one would assume it is.

Bullshit.  I've heard Benny Cadahia stories that would make you blush.

[Saul Goodman]

Maybe Lester's just a fucking closet case who can't throw to first and is afraid of facing a big league fastball. Maybe having Ross around is just cathartic for him in this big, crazy, loud world with all these people around who want to touch him and ask him questions.

He did surprisingly well in Oakland without Ross if that's the case. I went soft on Ross for a few weeks and now I regret it. I've singlehandedly turned Coghlan into Billy Williams out there in left. Least I can do is hate Ross into being useful or at least a really solid bullpen catcher.

Let's torch this barn, fuckers. See you in hell, Ross.

The Cubs bullpen catcher is my upstairs neighbor. His girlfriend's a lunatic.

*pushes "tell me more" button*

Hell yes. Please.

It's really not that wild of a story. I hear crazy loud noises upstairs late at night a few months ago and go up there to investigate. She answers the door and I'm like "Is everything OK up here? It sounds like there's furniture toppling over or something?" She immediately bursts into tears and says "That was me throwing a bunch of stuff. My boyfriend's at spring training and I just get upset when he's not here. He's a coach for the Cubs." I'm like "Oh well good luck with ALL THAT" and try to do the slowly back away thing. Then she turns around to go back in and...had locked herself out. And her dog is going nuts on the other side of the door. Luckily her next door neighbor intervened at that point and I was able to slither away without having to actually, you know, help her out. Now when we hear loud objects being tossed around again, my wife is like "Cubs on another road trip?" and I just nod.

The next time I see her I will definitely point out that a bullpen catcher is not a coach.

/coolstory

But is she hot?

Nope. Apparently being a bullpen catcher isn't the ideal life one would assume it is.

Which bullpen catcher? Chad Noble?

[Chuck to Chuck]

Chad's a catch.

[Saul Goodman]

Chad's a catch.

Northwestern Baseball leads the nation in producing bullpen catchers. Suck it, Cal State Fullerton.

[Quality Start Machine]

Maybe Lester's just a fucking closet case who can't throw to first and is afraid of facing a big league fastball. Maybe having Ross around is just cathartic for him in this big, crazy, loud world with all these people around who want to touch him and ask him questions.

He did surprisingly well in Oakland without Ross if that's the case. I went soft on Ross for a few weeks and now I regret it. I've singlehandedly turned Coghlan into Billy Williams out there in left. Least I can do is hate Ross into being useful or at least a really solid bullpen catcher.

Let's torch this barn, fuckers. See you in hell, Ross.

The Cubs bullpen catcher is my upstairs neighbor. His girlfriend's a lunatic.

*pushes "tell me more" button*

Hell yes. Please.

It's really not that wild of a story. I hear crazy loud noises upstairs late at night a few months ago and go up there to investigate. She answers the door and I'm like "Is everything OK up here? It sounds like there's furniture toppling over or something?" She immediately bursts into tears and says "That was me throwing a bunch of stuff. My boyfriend's at spring training and I just get upset when he's not here. He's a coach for the Cubs." I'm like "Oh well good luck with ALL THAT" and try to do the slowly back away thing. Then she turns around to go back in and...had locked herself out. And her dog is going nuts on the other side of the door. Luckily her next door neighbor intervened at that point and I was able to slither away without having to actually, you know, help her out. Now when we hear loud objects being tossed around again, my wife is like "Cubs on another road trip?" and I just nod.

The next time I see her I will definitely point out that a bullpen catcher is not a coach.

/coolstory

But is she hot?

Is she on Twitter? Asking for a friend Dubbs and Yeti

[R-V]

Yes it's Chad Noble and I have no idea of her Twitter status.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

Yes it's Chad Noble and I have no idea of her Twitter status.

https://twitter.com/TheWienerCircle/status/790039006222422016

[PenFoe]

This guy was my high school class president.

[Quality Start Machine]

This guy was my high school class president.

He'll still avoid you at the next reunion.

[Saul Goodman]

This guy was my high school class president.

He'll still avoid you at the next reunion.

Because he's in prison?