If it’s Monday and the Cubs have the day off, it’s time for more Monday Grabass!
I actually write that as though this is or would ever become a regular feature. Instead, it’s just my chance to catch up on the stuff that was happening last week when I was too busy receiving strange e-mails from Dave Kaplan and learning the horrendous truth about Jay Mariotti’s future.
Where should we start? How about with the exciting news that there’s finally a mobile edition of Desipio. If you have a Blackberry or an iPhone when you visit us here you’ll get a more text intensive version of the site, one that should be easier to access, downloads faster and lets you get in on the commenting fung quicker than the old way.
The big news of the day of course is the revelation that Ryan Dempster’s infant daughter is very, very sick. That obviously sucks. Nobody should have to go through that. And not even just because now Al Yellon will feel compelled to print up overpriced t-shirts and give very little of the proceeds from the t-shirt (which will no doubt use yet another copyright infringed logo) to the cause.
But an interesting aside to this story is how it broke.
Look, neither Kermit or I pretend to be real baseball insiders, but both of us have known for well over a month that Dempster’s newborn had a very serious health situation, and even the terrible secret hiders that we are managed to resist putting a breaking news tag on it and slapping it up on our Web site.
Don’t think I wasn’t tempted to when Ryan Braun pulled his asshole routine that Sunday in Milwaukee when first he pretended to be hit in the head by a Dempster pitch (one that actually hit his bat, and wasn’t all that close to his head), then after homering off Dempster in his next at bat, played the tough guy and glared at Ryan and then skipped around the bases like the wanna be ballerina that he is.
If I was dealing with what Dempster was and Braun pulled that shit, I’d have greeted him at home plate with his bat and returned it to him, or at least returned it to his head and shoulders.
But Braun’s got his own issues:
Looks like the fireplace isn’t the only thing in this picture that’s flaming.
Regardless, Dempster had a deal with the local media that even though they knew about what was going on with his daughter that they wouldn’t run with it. Until Gordo decided that the world had forgotten about his lame attempts to paint Cubs fans as racist neanderthals, so it was time to pull something else out of his bag of tricks.
Nice. What a guy.
Speaking of douchebags, a lot was made of The Genius’ frivolous law suit against Twitter. Tony was angered that someone used his name to set up a phony (we like the word satire) account and post things like:
“Lost 2 out of 3, but we made it out of Chicago without one drunk driving incident or dead pitcher… I’d call that an I-55 series.”
And…
“drinking a cold Zima and wishing fucking Hancock was alive, I bet he could’ve gotten Jack Wilson out.”
If you’re thinking those could have been written by any number of the Intrepid Readers here at Desipio, you’re right. The guy who created the account is one of you. He proudly e-mailed me when Tony’s temper tantrum made news last week.
I myself do not partake in such crude humor at the expense of the founder of the world famous Animal Rescue Foundation (ARF). It’s not like I used my Sunday Night Baseball appearance for the Cubs-Cardinals game that was rained out to crack wise: “Is the the first time since the ’80s that a Cubs-Cardinals game has been postponed where the Cardinals’ equipment guys don’t have to prepare a shoulder patch?”
Today at www.chucktochuck.com, Chuck translates a Tribune article about TribCo’s new desire to turn debt into equity into good news for people who want to see somebody other than Sam Zell own the team. I don’t know what any of it means, I am just a caveman, I fell in some ice, and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me. Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW and run off into the hills, or whatever.
I just know that the gravy train of “sign or trade for whoever you want, some other schlub is going to pay for it” are over, and damn it, I want the Cubs to spend, spend, spend! It’s the only way they can possibly win. They’re never going to outsmart other front offices, but give them enough cash to toss carelessly about and good things will happen!
Reporters are filling their notebooks with teams claiming they’re too poor to trade for players, instead of good old fashioned trade rumors. Hey, if it’s cheap players you need, I think we know where to find them! Crazy Jim’s prices are so low, they’re inane! I mean insane, wait, what did I say?
Wait, are you telling us Gordo “The Douchebag” Wittenmyer has done yet another douchebaggy thing?
No?
I can’t believe it.
What kind of Desipio-type prick would impersonate someone else on another website? That’s just lame, childish humor. Someone’s feelings are going to get hurt.
Like any reasonably dialed-in Cub fan, I too had heard the health rumors about Dempster’s baby girl. I had two thoughts when reading the piece:
1. As a parent, I had to catch my breath and uh, get the dust out of my office. The condition is far worse than even the rumors hinted.
2. As a human being, I wondered which piece of crap decided to go public with this very private, very none-of-our-fucking-business story. Because it was pretty damn clear from every quote in the article that it wasn’t Demp.
Why am I not surprised to learn that Gordo had something to do with this?
BTW, this also went up on the Trib’s website this morning, before most Sun-Times hit the doorstep or could be purchased at the local 7-11. Anyone think that was the Cubs’ media staff’s little, yet well-deserved F-You to Gordon and his editors?
I am weeping with pride that the Twitter perp was one of ours.
Gord ran with the story on Sunday. Which basically forced the Tribune to put something up yesterday.
Not that I’m doubting Gordo’s d-baggery, but doesn’t he say in his article that Dempster gave him permission?
“Dempster, who has tried to keep his family’s ordeal separated from his professional and public life, consented to the Sun-Times article, in part to help raise awareness for a condition that often goes undiagnosed or misdiagnosed in infants for lack of a genetic test.”
Gordon didn’t ask Dempster if he should run it, he told Dempster he was going to do it.
The thing that has honked off the rest of the media is that they all knew about it and had agreed with Dempster to leave the story alone. It’s “news” but it’s also not, really.
Gordon got tired of waiting and did it in a way so that he could be first to report it, and put Dempster in a bad spot while doing it.
Thought you might like this:
—–Original Message—–
From: Ahlgren, Sean E
Sent: Tue 6/9/2009 12:31 PM
To: Wittenmyer, Gordon
Subject: Classy
On Breaking that Dempster story you jackass, I hope you get raped in your sleep tonight
—–Original Message—–
From: Wittenmyer, Gordon [mailto:gwittenmyer@SunTimes.Com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 09, 2009 10:35 AM
To: Ahlgren, Sean E Subject: RE: Classy
Are you some kind of an idiot?
That story was written with Dempster’s express consent, with his wishes in mind.
He and the organization both seemed appreciative. And his wife even sent me a touching e-mail thanking me for helping Ryan open up about something that has weighed on him for months.
So take your ugly thoughts somewhere else.
-Gordon
Thought you might like this:
—–Original Message—–
From: Ahlgren, Sean E
Sent: Tue 6/9/2009 12:31 PM
To: Wittenmyer, Gordon
Subject: Classy
On Breaking that Dempster story you jackass, I hope you get raped in your sleep tonight
—–Original Message—–
From: Wittenmyer, Gordon [mailto:gwittenmyer@SunTimes.Com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 09, 2009 10:35 AM
To: Ahlgren, Sean E
Subject: RE: Classy
Are you some kind of an idiot?
That story was written with Dempster’s express consent, with his wishes in mind.
He and the organization both seemed appreciative. And his wife even sent me a touching e-mail thanking me for helping Ryan open up about something that has weighed on him for months.
So take your ugly thoughts somewhere else.
-Gordon
Somebody’s not telling the whole story here.
It’s possible that now that the story is out there is some relief for the Dempsters, but I don’t believe that Ryan asked Douchebag to break the story.
Come on Douchebag, tell the full story, you went and bugged Ryan to tell this story. You promised him that since he was a white guy and not a black guy, he would get a great deal of well wishes and sympathy from all the racist CUBS fans.
“Gord ran with the story on Sunday. Which basically forced the Tribune to put something up yesterday.”
Ah, gotcha. Didn’t see it on the Sun-Times mobile edition on Sunday, but that’s probably because they didn’t update their mobile edition except for game scores over the weekend, which is not uncommon for that organization. (Two weeks ago, I refreshed my Blackberry browser on a Thursday, and the S-T still had Monday’s story links up).
I just know more than one media member who felt forced into telling Dempster’s story because Gordo decided it was time to tell the world.
From what I understand, while the rest of the guys (and ladies) were leaving Ryan alone, Gordo went to him and told him he was ready to write the story, and did Dempster want to contribute quotes.
It’s Wittenmyer’s right to report something if it’s fact (unlike his bullshit about all of the fan racism) but there are a number of other TV reporters, writers and radio guys who all wonder why he suddenly HAD to report it.
“It’s Wittenmyer’s right to report something if it’s fact (unlike his bullshit about all of the fan racism) but there are a number of other TV reporters, writers and radio guys who all wonder why he suddenly HAD to report it.”
Word. As I noted above, this is the type of story that is nobody’s damned business but the Dempster family’s, no matter how public of a figure the guy is.
As craptacular as the made-up nonsense about the fan racism was, I’d put this one notch lower. At least with the other case, Gordo didn’t invade the privacy of an infant child.
Again. Anybody still watching these ass clowns?
No, but then again pointless bullshit involving Gordon Wittenmeyer is more entertaining than these pathetic slapdicks. Enjoy finishing 80-82 and 10 games out. I can’t watch a game for more than 2 innings without wanting to break something.
The way the Brewers are playing 80-82 is going to be two games back.
Hello! You guys need a new manager?
Break us up, bitches. One in a row.
Test!