You can’t beat fun at the old old ballpark. Especially if your idea of fun is to take an awkward swipe at Gary Sheffield, or the ball, or whatever the hell you were taking that awkward swipe at.
Last night in Boston, a Red Sox fan was tossed from the game for bitch slapping Sheffield as Gary ran down a double in the right field corner late in the Red Sox 8-5 win.
For us, the home viewing audience, the spastic maneuver gave us some welcome relief for a moment from the conscious realization that we were watching a game announced by Chris Berman and Rick Sutcliffe. You could saw off the top of your skull and attach acid tabs directly to your brain and you wouldn’t lose brain cells any faster than you can by listening to Berman and Sut.
Look, I don’t blame Gary for being mad, and if I was going to make a list of baseball players that I don’t want mad at me, Gary’s in the top two. This isn’t like stealing Chad Kreuter’s hat. The worst Chad can do to you is pick up a bat and swing wildy at you, and you know he’s only going to make contact .182 percent of the time. But Sheffield can make you go away, forever. Three minutes with Gary and you’re family is riffling through your closet trying to find something they can bury you in.
———-
Speaking of Boston, their most ardent pom pom waving cheerleader, Peter Gammons is in some trouble because it appears he plagiarized a big hunk of a column from a writer in the LA Times. Peter has apologized and because by all accounts he’s a very nice guy, you want to believe him. It would be more believable though if the part of the story he lifted from Henson’s article had been exactly the same. You know, Peter’s defense could have been that he wanted to highlight some of the article and include a link to it in the LA Times so readers could go see the same thing. Instead…
Here’s what originally appeared in Gammons’ column before ESPN.com pulled it.
Milton Bradley and close friend C.C. Sabathia had a candid discussion about Bradley on Super Bowl Sunday.
Bradley said Sabathia was still angry because Bradley’s behavior prompted the trade to the Dodgers before last season. “C.C. is like my brother and when he said, ‘You left me and I’m still upset,’ that was real,” Bradley said. “We wanted to turn Cleveland into a powerhouse, and I see now that my actions were wrong and hurt people.”When the Dodgers traveled from Vero Beach, Fla., to Winter Haven to play the Indians in spring training, Bradley made sure he was one of the few regulars to make the two-hour bus ride.
“By trading me they made a big statement about the direction the organization was going,” he said. “I understand they had to do it. I needed to go to Winter Haven to talk to some people. I needed to go for closure.”
Fascinating. Bradley is a very good person who has long dealt with demons, and this acceptance of responsibility may signal that he is on the right path. Everyone who knows him hopes so.
And here’s how Steve Henson’s column addresses the same story:
Former Cleveland teammate and close friend C.C. Sabathia had a candid discussion with Bradley on Super Bowl Sunday, saying he was still angry because Bradley’s behavior prompted the trade to the Dodgers before last season.
The final incident in Bradley’s tumultuous 2 1/2 years in Cleveland came at the end of spring training when Manager Eric Wedge thought Bradley did not run out a pop-up.
“C.C. is like my brother and when he said, ‘You left me and I’m still upset,’ that was real,” Bradley said. “We wanted to turn Cleveland into a powerhouse, and I see now that my actions were wrong and hurt people.”
When the Dodgers traveled from Vero Beach, Fla., to Winter Haven to play the Indians in spring training, Bradley made sure he was one of the few regulars to make the two-hour bus ride.
“By trading me they made a big statement about the direction the organization was going,” he said. “I understand they had to do it. I needed to go to Winter Haven to talk to some people. I needed to go for closure.”
Gammons obviously rewrote the entire first paragraph, but why? If he was going to attribute it to Henson and either he or an editor innocently forgot to add the attribution, why wouldn’t you use Henson’s words verbatim?
Gammons is so easy with praise and support of others in the media, that it seems almost unbelievable that this could be anything but a mistake. This isn’t Mitch Albom blatantly making crap up, putting it in a column written 48 hours before an event and then getting called on his shit when the stuff he makes up doesn’t come close to happening. This isn’t even Mike Barnicle ripping off George Carlin. But it’s a mystery all the same. What it points out more than anything is what a sloppy ass shop they run at ESPN.com. How many times do you see a Gammons or Andy Katz column where a player’s name is spelled wrong? You can always immediately tell because they have a script that takes every full mention of a player’s name and makes it a link to their stats page. But then, these are the same dumbasses who think Scoop Jackson is entertaining. In fact, maybe Scoop is Gammons’ new editor?
You’d think ESPN.com was on our budget. They can afford real editors. All we can afford is this guy:
—————
The Cubs are in Pissburgh for the first of three with the Pirates, and thanks to Mike Kiley we know that Carlos Zambrano considers Jason Bay to be his “daddy.” What’s Kiley doing hanging around Carlos’ locker? Trying to find a place to keep his knee pads?
The Cubs are a rousing 4-5 so far and if you listen you can hear playoff tickets beginning to be loaded into the printer! Nomar Garciaparra, you know him, the guy with the career .321 batting average, he’s hitting a whopping .171. He’s six for 35 ont the season so far. Neifi Perez went six for eight in the doubleheader Wednesday. Ouch, babe.
Over the past three years, Nomar only hits less than .300 in two months (well, you know, he hits .000 in January, but you know what I mean–the months when the season is actually being held). Those would be April (.298) and…uh… September (.263).
But don’t fret. Last year Nomar didn’t get his sixth hit until June 17, so he’s way ahead of that pace!
And yes, every time I saw the name Steve Henson I thought of the fat, bald K-State guard, too.
Beginning of the List of MLB Players I don’t want beef with:
1) Milton Bradley
2) Z
3) The Iron Shef
….
et cetera, et cetera
Love the Lawnmower’s quote. He rules.
My boss told me that he was watching ESPN last night. I guess they made a reference to soon-to-be-leaving-for-Virginia Dave Leitao and pointed out how Leitao took Depaul to the NCAA for the first time since the Joey Meyer era.
Nice. Looks like the website isn’t the only ESPN entity with sloppy, brain-dead editing. You’d think in this day and age with instant access to information that journalsim would be less sloppy, not more.
Take a look at the hat Digger is wearing in the photo on the front page of today’s Trib sports section. Is he trying to be a member of the Backstreet Boys?
Maybe Nomar needs the same calendar you gave Derrek Andy…
Just four months in it… May, June, July, and August…
“Journalsim” Mike??? That sounds like what I do, simulated journalism. Not real journalism, because that would require actual writing talent. Something I don’t have much of. Self-deprication can be so fun!!!
(Now whimpering back to bed…)
I agree about playing me til I stop hitting. When I go on bizarre, inexplicable tears, like when I subbed for Garciaparra last year, you have to take advantage. And Jerry can pipe his ass down, because my streak will be most likely be over by next week anyway.
With all of the typos that I commit, I’m thinking that I’d be perfectly qualified to work for ESPN
What are you taking about, baby!! My columns are universally awesome! Mike Wilkerson and Orlando Tucker were PTPers this season!
Dick, you’ve got onions!
BC criticizes Mike D. for what is clearly a typo, but then later goes on to spell “self-deprecation” incorrectly. Wonderful.
Anybody see this chunk from the article on the Cubs 2nd base talent?
***
Both are sound defensive players, although Perez is primarily a shortstop, and both are slyly cocky, as most flyweights tend to be.
Perez walked up to two reporters in the clubhouse Tuesday and said, “You know why I’m playing?”
Perez then flexed his muscles like Popeye and walked away without saying a word.
***
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at the thought of Neifi doing something like that.
Look for me tonight
Marriotti put down his donut long enough to reply to my criticism of his fact checking the other day…now he has taken me off of his e-mail receipt list. Fucking sensitive little fat girl. Check out his responses until he felt threatened and then quit…I began this quaint little convo like this…
“Get your facts straight….Neifi Perez never played for Dusty in San Fran…Take some time one of these days and actualy put some thought into your work…you’re fading fast…maybe you and Rick Teabagger Telander can get a radio show together on ESPN where absolutely no one will ever have to listen to a thing you say again.” to which the astute Jay Bag wrote “You actually wrote this sentence: “Your fading fast.”
Take some grammar lessons, loser.” – Interesting but I was expecting something harsher….so I responded…”Just corresponding in a manner that you would be able to understand……was pretty effective. Nice to see you are the dumb ass most of America thinks you are.” Then Jay really got deep on me….”Three words: Get a life”….WOW! very witty Jay….So I brought the whole dumpy little conversation to a head…”yawn, just like your writing…boring.”….At this point I think Jay starts to think I am stalking him ….so he follows with this nugget….”If I’m so boring, why do you keep wasting my time writing e-mails?
You seem like a loon. I’ll be blocking you out of e-mail.”….So I had to at least put in a plug for Desipio….the whole weird exchange ended with this …oh and Jay not accepting any e-mails from me any longer….”Why do you keep reading them? Go to https://www.desipio.com you might learn a few things about Chicago sports”….Oh well I always have a yahoo account, hotmail , aol, and numnerous others…I can continue to harrass this dumbass for a loooong time.
…I haven’t been around in a while, but I’m still an assclown…
My brother e-mailed Telander and asked him why somebody as boring as him gets to have a radio show and Telander e-mailed Jim back and said “Fine, I guess I’ll quit.”
We’re still waiting for him to quit.
Another 15 days, and he’ll have to move his dry, tired butt over for ‘donn mockneeeil’. Then I’ll have to figure out which frequency the Score is on again. Pfffttt!
I actually wasn’t getting on Mike’s case for his misspelling… I tried to turn it into humor against myself, and then I get criticized for misspelling self-depreciation, which the person that corrected me ALSO misspelled (There is an I before the A, which I just found out by looking the word up, which I should have done in the first place so this cycle of errors would never have begun in the first place).
So, it’s essentially all my fault. Again.
If, and that´s a big IF, the Cubs sweep Pissburgh, they would
go to 7-5 on the season, that would put them at .583 and on pace
for a 94 win season…which at least would give them the wildcard
And, yes, I intentionally put “in the first place” twice in the next to last sentence to accentuate my point.
At least you didn’ spell it sef deffecation…although on any given Saturday night….
self…but not as in Bill Self.
BC,
DeprecIation s what happens to things that lose value, like equipment that is a year older is not worth as much as it was last year. Your car depreciates in value; your home appreciates.
Self-deprecation is the word you wanted to use.
Self-depreciation? No, BC, you still have to pay that $86 today.
Hey, you guys don’t might if I steal jokes and puns from the Gamecasts, do ya?
I’m retarded, and my editor isn’t around. Sorry, that should be MIND not might.
Are we really so thrilled to have that diatribe posted by the orange mouthpiece represent us as a whole?
Andy, what’s in it for defamation? Chuck is on line one.
My writing just went from bad to Wuertz.
According to Webster’s:
The first and fully accepted meaning of deprecate is “to express disapproval of.†But the word has steadily encroached on the meaning of depreciate. It is now used, almost to the exclusion of depreciate, in the sense “to belittle or mildly disparage,†as in He deprecated his own contribution. In an earlier survey, this newer sense was approved by a majority of the Usage Panel.
Technically, BC’s interpretation is also correct — though as usual, not in the majority.
I just love that Mariotti responds to an angry e-mail, NOT with a well-placed bon mot worthy of the Knights of the Round Table or Churchill (not that he’s even REMOTELY capable of that), but with a tired, cliched syntax nit-picking, followed by the highbrow use of the word “loser”. And then he CONTNUES to allow himself to get tangled up with the orange ‘piece in a pissing contest worthy of a third-grade mudfight.
Hilarious. Why even respond at all?
BTW, I think B.C.’s word of choice is “self-DEFECATING” as in “B.C. shit all over himself with his explanations.”
If my panties got into such a twist because of one (and not even that harsh) email, I definitely don’t get nearly as much hate mail as I should.
Jay, the smartest thing I ever heard you say went like this:
“…I believe that when I have to crap in public, I go to the cripple stools. First of all, nobody uses them, so they’re cleaner. And, there’s lots of room, so you can spread yer legs out. And they have them rails on the sides, for power squeezin’s…yep, I believe cripple stools are the Cadillac of poopin’ stools…”
I was really impressed with your intellect and logical deduction when you said that….
….what? It wasn’t you? It was Larry the Cable Guy?
Forget it.
This is the same Doughnut Boy who thinks The Evil Stoney is a hilarious moniker.
Evil Stoney? HAHA!
Evil Stoney!
Hahahahah
–clapping his hands like a retard and crinkling his face–
Buster, did you just poke yourself in the eye with your claw?
Buster, please tell me that Sunday night’s show will not be the last one ever.
Do any of you have 100 wins on Around the Horn? No? That’s what I thought, you jerks couldn’t handle being on “the show of competitve banter”.
“The ballmall formerly known as Comiskey”…HA!
“The Rev. Johnnie B. Baker”…HA!
I’m priceless.
2 run jack biatches! Maybe Dusty will be forced to play me now…then again maybe not.
Dude, I am so smart for playing Jason Dubois.
Why do both Neifi and Jerry get to play? What about me? I feel so left out :(
About being in first place in the NL east:”we’re going to be there all year if we stay healthy”. Hmmm…you said you were from Kentucky, Brad?
I have a no-hitter going through 5 innings. The Hall of Fame called, they want me enshrined right away.
Sense this team is beginning to resemble, albeit early on, the 02′ team…I have decided to take the role of Fred McGriff.
Another blown game by the Cubs, what a surprise? Once again Dusty is making the most ignorant moves to lose games. Had to go with the numbers again Dumby Dusty and have Mike(Washed Up and Ragarm) Remlinger blow one. It won’t be Mike’s last blown game because he’s this year’s Farnsworthless out of the pen except he is lefthanded and an old fuck, but a stupid fuck like Farnworthless.
Then you have Nomar and Barrett both not hitting a lick. You put Macias in and once again he doesn’t hit. It’s unbelievable Dusty is shocked that we lost.
I guess tonight’s game we won’t be seeing Dubois or Perez. Roll out Hollandsworth(who’s been sucking of late) and Macias(who just plain sucks all the time) with them going hitless. But we have to worrry about the matchups first, then lose the game.
I’m telling you folks, that rope around Dusty’s neck continues to get tighter everyday. Hell if Jim Hendry had any balls at all, he would fire this ass clown during the year. Then maybe this team would wake up and start playing. I’d even look into hiring Larry Bowa or some type of drill sergeant to kick these guys’ asses around and make them start playing some ball. Instead you have Dusty massaging the players’ dicks and egos with holy water. God needs to bless the fans once and get rid of this evil doer.
Baker Baker
who cares we lost?…I WENT YARD!! can you believe it??
You’re a moran.
Neifi is such a braggart.
Hi, Mom!
We like to gush about the white sox! Buehrle and Konerko are the best! All the sox are!
Bitches! Those fucking foul poles! I almost had two homers in as many days!
I am a defensive replacement? But, I’m a gremlin! I screw things up.
I shall call him (Jose Macias)… Mini-Me
Remlinger’s no dumbass, Basher. He did attend me, after all. I know it’s no Louisville (the Harvard for those who have 3 teeth and no shoes), but it’s not a shabby school either.
Has anyone ever seen self-proclaimed “Baker Basher” and Moronotti at the same place, at the same time? Hmmmm?
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