He’s not retarded, but he is a known crack user.
Pitching matchup:
LA: Somebody Kuo, 1-4, 4.46 ERA
Cubs: Wade Miller, 0-1, 12.00 ERA (Twelve? Yikes.)
Lineups
Dodgers:
Furcalholic, ss
Sammy Sosa’s Best Friend, cf
Nomar!, 1b
DL Drew, rf
Jeff Pornstache, 2b
Wilson the deserted island volleyball, 3b
Marlon Anderson, lf (Really? THE Marlon Anderson?)
Russ Martin, c
Kuo, p
Cubs
Lucky enough to play well enough to leave the Cubs after the season, cf
Dance Fever, 2b
E-ramis, 3b
D. Lee, 1b
Red, lf
Pagan Ritual, rf
Hank White, MVP
Ron Ce, ss (How’s that conversion to 2b going?)
Whoever pinch hits for Wade’s spot in the lineup in the third inning
And the 2006 broken shoulder rehab tour continues…
After 1 inning… Wade Miller’s ERA is now 9.00. That’s good, right?
Hey! Did you guys know that rat poison tastes like chicken…poison?
It’s good on pancakes though! Hey Aramis, Northwestern Memorial still has those pancakes you like!
Hey, is anything good on TV during the day? I’m kinda bored. Does anybody have Cracked magazine? Or Fine Arts…Afficianado…Quarterly?
Yes, Michael, I changed the address on your subscription to Cracked. You don’t get Fine Arts Afficianado Quarterly.
I hate so much about the things you choose to be.
Watch out for the (walks), they’re gonna get you.
Ribs. I had ribs for lunch, that’s why I’m doing this.
Number one super guy and pitcher for the Dodgers
ha! take that, lineup maker!
i just realized im finally at zero.
Throw strikes, Novoa. Otherwise I’m gonna punch you in the ovary, that’s what I’m gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker.
Dusting off a spot for you now, Dusty.
Did you know our guy Kuo has had two Tommy John surgeries? What’s Carrie’s excuse? Pass the meatballs, will you, Ron?
Karl Ravech was on Dan Patrick today and was talking about the Dodgers. He said, “If you haven’t noticed, they have Nomar, Furcal, Brad Penny and Julio Lugo. They’re good.”
Who didn’t notice that? I’m sure there was a memo.
You and Tommy Lasorda, eh?
I hate Tommy Lasorda.
Will the next manager (and GM) realize I’m more useful than Ronny?
I homer off you now. You sign me in December. I love LA!
Fuck Brett Tomko.
I’m only happy because I’ve got Ramirez on my roto team. Other than that, jesus christ do the Dodgers suck. How the hell can they be leading the West when they don’t even know how to finish off a club that’s trying to reach 100 losses?
It will take a truely Cub-like effort to make it now. You – can – do it!
What a hot streak. Phil Rogers is busy right now retardedly typing into his computer that Jim Hendry needs to extend Dusty now.
Ok who took my BBQ sauce? Oh, found it. It was tucked into my but huggers, just where I left it!
Ok who took my straw?
remember when there used to be hundreds of replies to these things?
Hey 15, I almost stepped on Tommy LaSorda in Chicago at Ditka’s one night. He had the pork chop with meatballs. I mean he is really short.
Shouldn’t you stop booing me for some shit that happened like a month ago?
You are all going to be REALLY pissed when I win 12 games for someone else next year.