Is it that time yet? Is it time to recognize that seeing Kerry Wood in a Cubs uniform has become more elusive than seeing a Sun-Times without a Gordon Wittenmyer article?
It breaks the heart to realize that kneel and Bob Novoa has pitched thirty-five more innings for the Cubs over the past two seasons than Wood.
Even more gut-wrenching is the fact that Mark Prior is suddenly the favorite to see the mound before Wood does.
I was thrilled when Jim Hendry decided to bring Wood back for the 2007 season. I was even more thrilled that Wood was classy enough to give a hometown discount, saying that he owed it to the fans to do so. I was as happy as a pair of wind pants in a strip club when Wood was back to his old ways in Spring Training, mowing down batters like The Genius mows down pedestrians.
But Wood has become the girlfriend who you don’t want to break up with because she’s ridiculously hot, yet you’re embarrassed to bring her around her friends because she’s so dumb that she glows in the dark. And her name is probably Carrie. And she once fell out of a hot tub and bruised her chest. And her lady parts only work for a couple of weeks a year, and then stop working for months at a time. And all your friends have girlfriends who aren’t quite as hot, but at least they say “nuclear” instead of “nucular.”
At some point, there has to be a final straw that breaks Jim Hendry’s back, right? I understand that the guy is used to carrying around 275 pounds, but all those straws will eventually add up and push him over the edge, right? He has to have that “Yeah, she’s ridiculously hot but she TiVos My Super Sweet Sixteen! TiVos it!” moment soon, doesn’t he?
Wood has been my favorite Cub since he humiliated the Astros in 1998. I’ve defended him time and time again to friends who root for the Mets, White Sox, and Cardinals. But this just has to be the last contract Wood signs with the Cubs, doesn’t it?
If that’s the case, get well soon Carrie Kerry. Let’s at least have one last go-around that makes me feel guilty and slightly itchy afterwards, and then let’s go our separate ways.
Cut, bait and run. Isn’t that like “Eats, shoots and leaves?”
Mixed metaphor, Stew, like “Shoot yourself in the foot to spite your face”
I once had a co-worker say that once.
Honest.
I’m sure I have nothing to do with his arm problems.
Thank you #3. Very creative.
I guess I should go sell used cars now, huh?
OK Andy boy—why aren’t you telling people you just got married—the 23rd and that Sports Illustrated is taking a poll on best website for Cubs and you are one of them—-SI.com/cubsvote Humble boy
Either Andy’s worlds are colliding, or someone’s trying to be cute here.
When should we expect the universe to collapse in on itself???
I only checked out this site because goatriders recommended it. Actually it kinda sucks to be honest. I wouldnt vote for it, nor will I, on SI’s website.. I would have to say, it is rather generic. sorry dude
If at first you don’t succeed, get the hell on up out of the kitchen.
You guys have obviously never been shark fishing. When you cut bait after hunting sharks, you get your ass out of there.
In 1998, Gammons declared Wood the pitcher of the 21st Century.
Damian Miller caught the big three in Oakland, The Unit and the Mouth in Arizona, and then our boys. Miller declared Woody to have the best stuff in baseball. That says quite a bit.
I’m with you Bad Kermit. It will always be too soon to give up on Wood. He’s got talent and character. So long as he wants to be a Cub let him. Sign him to low contracts with a ton of incentives until he calls it quits. he’s earned them enough in ticket sales, merchandise sales and wins to get those kinds of deals. He earned that cash with his work against Atlanta in 2003. How much $$$ did the club get for winning that series?
And how much did I cost the Cubs for them not winning the next one, #12?
I didn’t realize we could choose pennants over merchandise. I’ll take a pennant please. Get to work on that #13.
Almost as much as I did, #12. Seriously, thanks for deflecting the attention from me. People dressed up as you for Halloween, but totally forgot that I blew a routine play that would have voided your stupid, stupid, stupid mistake. Stupid! Fucking! Headphones! Asshole!
“thanks for deflecting the attention from me.”
Using some of me (which you can’t do in your blinding hatred of a crappy SS who made an untimely error), you’ll understand that #15 doesn’t happen if #13 doesn’t happen.
It’s called “antecedent”. Look it up. That is, if you know how to read, dumbass.
Woulda been nice if the crappy shortstop picked up the retard in Section 4, sure. But it also would have been nice if the Retard in Section 4 let the 23rd out be recorded by a player ON THE FIELD to begin with.
Everyone needs to rub me, forget 2003, and calm down.
Fair enough. Yes, Bartman killed damn near everything. Yet, there was a chance for a man paid to play baseball to do his job and fix things. On the advice of One Off, I’ll let it go. By the way, I’m familiar with “antecedent”, along with other long words that define events in relation to time, including “preceding”, “penultimate”, etc. Are you Alex Gonzalez? Last I checked, there was plenty of bitterness to go ’round.
How in the fuck did I end up in this conversation? Move on motherfuckers!
I wish Clifford woulda stuck around to see this pissing contest.
Absolutely nothing wrong with tivo-ing My Super Sweet Sixteen… Get off our backs.
I like how everyone likes to pretend that it’s a sure thing that Moistest would have caught that ball instead of doing a little leg slide and entirely miss it like every other ball ever hit to him.
Get over it. Losing in the playoffs suck, we get it. Move on to how much not even making it to the playoffs sucks.
Alou was already in position to make the catch and was waiting for the ball to come down, so I would not have been necessary.
The ball was going directly in to me, Pre (#22), before it was swatted out by the retarded fuckmonkey. Nice bit of revisionisism. It’s easy to argue when you’re not dealing with reality.
Dumbass.