Pitching matchup
Padres: Greggie, 1-1, 3.18 ERA
Cubs: Wade Miller, 0-1, 13.50 ERA (yikes)
360 Comments
F. Foot
on April 17, 2007 at 12:10 pm
4-letter board says I’m leading off?
"Mouse Over" Comments
on April 17, 2007 at 12:27 pm
How come I’m not floating over the Cubs Live! graphic?
1st At Bat
on April 17, 2007 at 12:31 pm
What will i be?
Vegas is paying even money on a K.
Alt Tag
on April 17, 2007 at 12:37 pm
Because I am empty, #2.
morpheus
on April 17, 2007 at 12:38 pm
Lineups according to Gameday:
Padres:
M Giles 2B
B Giles RF
Cameron CF
Gonzalez 1B
Greene SS
Sledge LF
Kouzmanoff 3B
Bowen C
Maddux P
Cubs
Pie CF
Theriot 2B
Lee 1B
Ramirez 3B
Murton RF
Jones LF
Cedeno SS
Blanco C
Miller P
In a nutsack
on April 17, 2007 at 12:56 pm
Why not play Theriot at SS and let DeRosa play 2B? At least Thunder Matt is getting in the lineup. And, what has Jock done to warrant playing over Clifford? A whole lotta nuttin’.
Angel Guzman
on April 17, 2007 at 12:56 pm
I was sent down. Brilliant!
Angel Guzman
on April 17, 2007 at 12:59 pm
This means that I’m going to be stretched so I can get called back up and take Wade Miller’s spot in the rotation.
Wade Miller
on April 17, 2007 at 12:59 pm
Don’t get to comfy down there #7
Shawon
on April 17, 2007 at 1:01 pm
What are the chances Jock gets traded by the end of the week and Pie stays with the team?
Tinker to Evers to Chance
on April 17, 2007 at 1:11 pm
Why isn’t MLB.tv showing this game?
Wayne Messmer
on April 17, 2007 at 1:16 pm
BREEVE!
Tinker to Evers to Chance
on April 17, 2007 at 1:16 pm
Nevermind. It’s up now.
Wayne Messmer
on April 17, 2007 at 1:17 pm
Brave!
SD
on April 17, 2007 at 1:19 pm
Putting off a business trip to Madison for the Felix Pie debut.
morpheus
on April 17, 2007 at 1:21 pm
Wayne, you mispronounced “Breeeeeve”
Felix
on April 17, 2007 at 1:22 pm
I will be lucky to have half the career Corey does……
Scott Eyre
on April 17, 2007 at 1:22 pm
My favorite pie filling is Don Ho’s rotting flesh.
JD
on April 17, 2007 at 1:22 pm
Clearing my schedule for teh Felix Pie debut. It was surprisingly easy.
CT
on April 17, 2007 at 1:23 pm
I will also clear my schedule.
*shakes Etch-A-Sketch*
JD
on April 17, 2007 at 1:24 pm
Well, you better hit about 3 home runs in your first ab, #17, to keep the fans from comparing you to Korey. Some of those fans are kinda dramatic and reactionary.
Taylor
on April 17, 2007 at 1:25 pm
Lead off single. At least he kept him in the park.
CT
on April 17, 2007 at 1:25 pm
I think we’ll be too busy negativing Wade Miller to even notice.
Sorry morpheus, when I debuted here, I usually just stuck to “Brave!”. Somewhere along the line, people started manipulating the phrase. Really, I think the whole thing is a big ol’ positive. Me? I’ll stick to “Brave!”. Still, I love it when ever I see the “Breeeeeeve!” version.
I take bullets, eat them, and spit them out. I am, Brave!
SD
on April 17, 2007 at 1:30 pm
Wade Miller is not Brave!
On Hell Goozman
on April 17, 2007 at 1:31 pm
Can’t get me back to Wrigley quick enough, can ya doges?
Pancakes hits a triple? Is this some bizarro world?
Aramis
on April 17, 2007 at 1:46 pm
Ow!!!!!! My ass!!! And wrist!!!!
Mike D.
on April 17, 2007 at 1:47 pm
Welcome back, ARam.
Post
on April 17, 2007 at 1:47 pm
Damn….talk about hustle.
CT
on April 17, 2007 at 1:47 pm
Triple? Yahoo says he’s on 2nd. Stupid Yahoo.
SD
on April 17, 2007 at 1:47 pm
I traditionally bench players on my fantasy team for their first game back from injury.
Thanks a lot, Aramis, y’bum! Mike Lowell better have himself an 8-HR game today.
Mike D.
on April 17, 2007 at 1:47 pm
CT (#60)
I saw it, thought it was hilarious. He struck his pose and the ball ended up being caught. I laughed out loud.
Aramis
on April 17, 2007 at 1:47 pm
The wrist is fine, doges.
Yahoo
on April 17, 2007 at 1:48 pm
I’m tired of the abuse. That’s it, I’m pulling my diary.
CT
on April 17, 2007 at 1:49 pm
Thought he had back-to-back jacks there for a second.
Ron Santo
on April 17, 2007 at 1:51 pm
So did I CT.
Yahoo
on April 17, 2007 at 1:52 pm
I’ve got Maddux in a Cubs cap and Miller in a Red Sox cap. Feel the confusion.
Marcus Giles
on April 17, 2007 at 1:54 pm
THE ARISTOCRATS!
12 runs
on April 17, 2007 at 1:54 pm
Are we enough for the Cubs to score to win today?
Jim Hendry
on April 17, 2007 at 1:54 pm
I just had to have this guy Miller.
Greg Maddux
on April 17, 2007 at 1:55 pm
Hey guys, how’s Cesar treatin ya?
Will Oh!man
on April 17, 2007 at 1:56 pm
This guy Miller sucks.
Ron Burgandy
on April 17, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Wade Miller was a bad choice…
/takes a swig from a milk carton.
Wade Miller
on April 17, 2007 at 1:56 pm
What does DFA mean, exactly?
CT
on April 17, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Nice trade Greg. Hope you’re not looking for a front office job after your retire.
Neil Cotts
on April 17, 2007 at 1:57 pm
You guys want me to start warming up? Just asking.
Hank White
on April 17, 2007 at 1:57 pm
See how high I can throw it?
Giles the Lesser
on April 17, 2007 at 1:58 pm
Thanks for leaving me hanging big bro.
14.29
on April 17, 2007 at 1:59 pm
Hi, I’m Wade Miller’s ERA.
Jock
on April 17, 2007 at 1:59 pm
Time to strike that pose
Mark Us Giles
on April 17, 2007 at 2:00 pm
Hey guys, where’s Prior?
CT
on April 17, 2007 at 2:00 pm
Nice work Jock (really).
Jesse White
on April 17, 2007 at 2:01 pm
Hey Ronnie, we’ve got an opening on the Tumblers, you interested?
RonCe
on April 17, 2007 at 2:01 pm
Even I’m not sure what the hell I’m doing here.
Jesse White
on April 17, 2007 at 2:03 pm
Give me your blood and organs!
Mark Prior
on April 17, 2007 at 2:03 pm
Hi there Mark Us at #87, thanks for asking. I’m currently wishing I were Wade Miller.
Oh how humiliating.
Cesar Cesar!
on April 17, 2007 at 2:03 pm
Shit, I could’ve done that
Pat Hughes
on April 17, 2007 at 2:04 pm
Ronnie, you’d look dapper in a white top with white trousers.
Wade Miller
on April 17, 2007 at 2:05 pm
Yeah. I suck at hitting too…
Ronnie
on April 17, 2007 at 2:05 pm
Would the white slacks clash with my titanium legs?
Jesse White
on April 17, 2007 at 2:06 pm
I actually just said this to Ron: “We don’t want your organs now, we’ll take them later.”
1 game
on April 17, 2007 at 2:06 pm
Cubs’ winning streak stops at me
Cubs 7-8-9 hitters
on April 17, 2007 at 2:07 pm
About as bad as it gets today.
Iowa
on April 17, 2007 at 2:07 pm
Maybe the Fonz should come see me for awhile. Maybe he’ll learn how to hit again.
Today...
on April 17, 2007 at 2:08 pm
I’m different from every other day because……????
Des Moines
on April 17, 2007 at 2:08 pm
Maybe the Fonz should come see me for awhile and see if he can learn to hit again.
Wade Miller
on April 17, 2007 at 2:09 pm
Get off my back, it’s not like I’ve allowed the Madres to score in every inning so far. Oh wait….
Soriano
on April 17, 2007 at 2:09 pm
I’m off to Des Moines to see if I can learn how to hit!
Daily Double
on April 17, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Re: 99
9 is about as bad as it gets hitting and pitching
Second base
on April 17, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Why is there always a Padre standing on me
Taylor
on April 17, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Is anyone up in the Cubs’ bullpen?
Kerry Wood
on April 17, 2007 at 2:11 pm
Any updates on me?
Hank White
on April 17, 2007 at 2:11 pm
Leesten Wade…aw fergit it meng, ain’ woth eet.
Pie (looking on from center)
on April 17, 2007 at 2:12 pm
I thought they said I was in the big leagues? These guys suck.
Wade Miller
on April 17, 2007 at 2:12 pm
I’ve been serving up so many meatballs, I should open an Italian restaurant once I get cut, which should be sometime this week.
CT
on April 17, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Welcome to “The Life” Felix.
May 5, 1999
on April 17, 2007 at 2:14 pm
The Rockies scored in all 9 innings at Wrigley Field. This is nothing. Damn, I’m positive!
AC
on April 17, 2007 at 2:15 pm
Seriously, I don’t understand all the hubbub about F. Pie, I’ve seen him play in Iowa for a couple of years and he’s just a player. That’s not bad – but don’t expect him to be a superstar.
So, just how bad/hurt was Prior to get beat out by this steamer?
Cubbiejulie
on April 17, 2007 at 2:16 pm
But he’s wearing Gracie’s number!
Prior
on April 17, 2007 at 2:17 pm
Dude I can’t pitch. It hurts. Ow!!!
Jim Tocco
on April 17, 2007 at 2:17 pm
#112-
A “couple years”?
Pffft.
Post
on April 17, 2007 at 2:17 pm
How Guzman didn’t beat this turd out in ST is beyond me.
AC
on April 17, 2007 at 2:18 pm
Let’s just say that when Prior comes to Iowa… They won’t sell out the stadium anymore. Or Wood.
I get it now
on April 17, 2007 at 2:18 pm
Wade is doing the rope a dope. He is going to wear out the other team by making them run around a lot, thus tiring them out for later innings when the cubs can make a comeback. Brilliant!
MLB Gameday
on April 17, 2007 at 2:19 pm
“Coaching visit to mound”. Is that Lou telling this assmuncher to throw fucking strikes?
Taylor
on April 17, 2007 at 2:19 pm
Paging Lou Piniella. Please go to the mound and remove Wade Miller from the game. Thank you.
Wade
on April 17, 2007 at 2:19 pm
Maybe I can get an endorsement pitching Miller beer. It sucks too!
AC
on April 17, 2007 at 2:20 pm
#116
Yes, a couple years. That’s all he’s been here.
Red
on April 17, 2007 at 2:21 pm
Eat it, doges!
Post
on April 17, 2007 at 2:22 pm
Wade Miller is still a has-been assclown.
Lance Dickson's Arm
on April 17, 2007 at 2:23 pm
Jim Tocco is likely confusing Pie with Kevin Roberson. Roberson’s still at Iowa isn’t he?? I think he bats right behind Pat Cline in the lineup.
Rick James
on April 17, 2007 at 2:24 pm
Darkness!
Poster....
on April 17, 2007 at 2:24 pm
Post, if you had actually SEEN Office Space, you’d know that was:
Wade Miller is a NO-TALENT assclown.
Dumbass.
Robin Ventura
on April 17, 2007 at 2:25 pm
0-2? Psahw….
K-Rob's rookie card
on April 17, 2007 at 2:25 pm
Um, I think I know who might have a bunch of these, if anyone is interested.
AC, erhaps if you’ve had a chance, like me, to see him play more than 100 games, take BP every day, talk with him in the clubhouse, speak with his manager and hitting coach and discuss him with members of the Cubs’ brass and other pro scouts, then you might know what you are talking about.
Post
on April 17, 2007 at 2:27 pm
Looks like someone has a case of the Mondays…
I wasn’t exactly quoting Office Space, numbnuts.
Pie
on April 17, 2007 at 2:27 pm
I get out in the Pros as well as I did in Iowa!
Theriot
on April 17, 2007 at 2:28 pm
I get out in the Pros as well as I did in Iowa!
Peter Gammons
on April 17, 2007 at 2:29 pm
I wrote that Pie was the real deal back when he was at AA. Give the kid some time.
In the meantime AC, why don’t you carve a baseball diamond out of your backyard cornfield and see if deceased ballplayers come out to play.
AC
on April 17, 2007 at 2:29 pm
Jim Tocco,
And if you had actually done any of these things, I’m sure you’d know what you were talking about as well.
Oh, and Lou agrees with me that Pie is a leadoff hitter. Suck it, Dolan.
James Earl Jones
on April 17, 2007 at 2:30 pm
Go the distance, AC.
THIS is CNN.
SD
on April 17, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Leaving on a potentially life-changing business trip. Go Madison! Go Cubs! Goooooo PA!!!
(Taking requests to drop Wade Miller off in Des Moines or Lake Mendota on my way back)
Andy Dolan's Ghost
on April 17, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Hey Andy…. You were wrong!
This was my reply to that evaluation:
‘Felix won’t be a leadoff hitter. At 19 he was the second youngest player in the Midwest League at the start of the season. By the time he’s 22 or 23 he’ll be a middle of the order guy. I’ve seen him play four times this year, he’s an absolute stud. He’s already a plus outfielder, and the Lansing radio broadcaster is a fat moron–Felix has a good idea at the plate of what’s a strike and what’s not. You don’t have to draw 100 walks to “control the strike zoneâ€Â.’
An 11 pitch inning!
on April 17, 2007 at 2:35 pm
Thats reasonable! What is this, the Majors!?!?
Wade Miller
on April 17, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Waddya know, 3 in a row!
JD
on April 17, 2007 at 2:37 pm
He’s not a stud? We know that already? I haven’t seen him swing at any pitches at his eyes yet. He doesn’t seem to be retarded about the strike zone. I’m not saying that he’s destined for the HOF, but he hasn’t looked like a goofball.
Mr Hendry, You didn’t develop me, you got me from the Red Sox with Nomar. Wow, no wonder we suck. Our own GM doesn’t even know where the players came from!!!
Shut up, redhead! You spent time in our system so I can bullshit people into thinking we actually have some talent down there. Don’t fuck this up for me!
Leave Korey alone. He’s on a berevement leave as his grandfather died. I hear he’s taking a plane to the funeral because Korey doesn’t walk.
Ron C.
on April 17, 2007 at 2:44 pm
Why am I here?!!!
Jeopardy Category - Twosomes
on April 17, 2007 at 2:44 pm
Answer: .071
Question: What do I need to win at Bingo and what is RonCe’s batting average?
Shane Vendrell
on April 17, 2007 at 2:46 pm
Ronnie Gardocki is on to me.
Hodge Podge
on April 17, 2007 at 2:46 pm
I’m a way better Jeopardy category than “Twosomes”.
Sean Connery
on April 17, 2007 at 2:47 pm
Suck it Trebek!
Cardinals
on April 17, 2007 at 2:47 pm
We’re pretty terrible
Matt Murton
on April 17, 2007 at 2:48 pm
Spent time in the system? Exactly, being in the Cubs organization is a lot like being in prison. With Aramis around, I’m afraid to drop the soap.
Alex Trebek
on April 17, 2007 at 2:50 pm
Welcome back to “Celebrity Jeopardy”. Before we begin the Double Jeopardy round, I’d like to ask our contestants once again to please refrain from using ethnic slurs. That said, let’s take a look at the scores. Sean Connery has set a new “Jeopardy” record with -$230,000.
How do you like my beard? I’m still in Montgomery, and this June, I’ll call my 1,000th minor league game. That’s 10 times more baseball than is required to evaluate Felix Pie.
Trebek
on April 17, 2007 at 2:51 pm
Welcome back to “Celebrity Jeopardy”. Before we begin the Double Jeopardy round, I’d like to ask our contestants once again to please refrain from using ethnic slurs. That said, let’s take a look at the scores. Sean Connery has set a new “Jeopardy” record with -$230,000.
Aramis
on April 17, 2007 at 2:51 pm
Gimme your fruit cocktail!
Hank White
on April 17, 2007 at 2:53 pm
I had that planned the whole time.
Hank White
on April 17, 2007 at 2:54 pm
I’m greeety too mang.
CT
on April 17, 2007 at 2:55 pm
Nice work Hank. You HWEqBA is off the charts.
Felix Peeay
on April 17, 2007 at 2:55 pm
FYC!
NSBB fanboy
on April 17, 2007 at 2:56 pm
Why didn’t he take any pitches that time? He’s not what the Cubs need at this juncture.
Jacque Jones
on April 17, 2007 at 2:57 pm
Hey! Pie tied me in RBI
PIE!
on April 17, 2007 at 2:57 pm
nt
Sorianass
on April 17, 2007 at 2:57 pm
Me too!
Feeliksh
on April 17, 2007 at 2:58 pm
OPS – 1.000
CT
on April 17, 2007 at 2:58 pm
Theriot grits Pie over to third.
Theriot
on April 17, 2007 at 2:59 pm
Kiss my grits?
Khaki Dockers
on April 17, 2007 at 2:59 pm
Why are the Padres wearing me?
DLee
on April 17, 2007 at 3:00 pm
Now I’m tied with Pie in RBI’s too
174
on April 17, 2007 at 3:01 pm
You’re an idiot.
174
on April 17, 2007 at 3:03 pm
I was the same guy that thought last Friday we only had one pinch hitter available for the entire game.
A less gritty second baseman wouldn’t have even gotten to that ball.
True Grit
on April 17, 2007 at 3:07 pm
Doesn’t make fielding errors
Todd Walker
on April 17, 2007 at 3:07 pm
I wasn’t gritty. I was just grimy.
Grits
on April 17, 2007 at 3:08 pm
I am delicious!
CT
on April 17, 2007 at 3:08 pm
#183, don’t presuppose to tell me what “True Grit” is.
JD
on April 17, 2007 at 3:08 pm
What are you talking about, CT? I was over on the messageboard when that happened. I mean, HJE.
All the people that say how awful Jock is in right field are getting to see what a truly awful RF looks like.
JD
on April 17, 2007 at 3:09 pm
I still maintain the the Riot is scrappy, not gritty.
Wade Miller
on April 17, 2007 at 3:09 pm
You should have left me in Lou. I was lights out today.
Jock
on April 17, 2007 at 3:10 pm
I thought my only defender in the world was my mom, who pipes up when mean mean fans yell at me. Now I know that there are two idiots out there who think I’m worth a damn.
CT
on April 17, 2007 at 3:10 pm
They are? Has Murton been that bad in RF today?
Neal Cotts
on April 17, 2007 at 3:10 pm
I should totally be the fifth starter. I fuckin’ RAWK!
Minnesota Twins "Fans"
on April 17, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Don’t forget us, Jaques!!!
roster moves
on April 17, 2007 at 3:12 pm
Ditch Miller (to wherever), call up Guzman for the fifth spot, ditch Ohman (to wherever; kill him, perhaps) and leave Pie on the roster; trade Jacques, and then do whatever w/ the 25th roster spot. Perhaps call up a shortstop who can hit, if one’s discovered someplace.
JD
on April 17, 2007 at 3:12 pm
#190, I’m just not a racist. I bet you hate Jackie Robinson, too. Go follow the Astros.
Yeah, CT, Murton hasn’t looked good out there. Apparently the conditions are fairly difficult, though. Even Mike Cameron looked lost once.
CT
on April 17, 2007 at 3:15 pm
See, you’re using your eyes instead of the stats again. The stats say that Murton has committed no errors today. Meanwhile, Jock’s VORP is .3 below the league minimum average integer. And I don’t think I need to tell YOU what that means.
JD
on April 17, 2007 at 3:16 pm
Those numbers are some fickle hoes. One day, they help ya out. The next day, they keep ya down.
Numbers
on April 17, 2007 at 3:18 pm
At least we’re not nappy-headed hoes.
Andy
on April 17, 2007 at 3:21 pm
I love that I’m on Jim Tocco’s Wikipedia page, and that I didn’t write it.
I’ll read it 99 more times before I pass judgement on it, though.
Do we know if Felix is playing center as well as Soriano? Does he hop on one foot when he catches flyballs?
Neal Cotts
on April 17, 2007 at 3:22 pm
What’s that wobbling? Oh, it’s my wheels about to come off.
Neal Cotts
on April 17, 2007 at 3:23 pm
Dude, I’m totally getting squeezed here.
Stu Scott
on April 17, 2007 at 3:23 pm
You know what they call Terrmell Sledge’s sister?
Denise!
Hah! Oh, that joke is cooler than the other side of the pillow.
What? Sister Sledge? Yeah, that’s funny too.l
Neal Cotts
on April 17, 2007 at 3:24 pm
I went to Google Maps and entered strike zone. But I still can’t find it.
Murton looks like me out there today. Except that he’s white.
M Wuertz
on April 17, 2007 at 3:56 pm
I think that I’ve been left out here too long.
Eeeewwww
on April 17, 2007 at 3:59 pm
#223, yeah. you’re like mayo.
Scott Eyre
on April 17, 2007 at 4:00 pm
Here I come. Diarrhea running down my legs, and gas can in hand.
Eyre
on April 17, 2007 at 4:01 pm
Listen guys, I had some gastrointestinal problems earlier this week, so if I completely shit my pants you’ll know why.
Geoff Blum
on April 17, 2007 at 4:01 pm
I hit a homer in one those World Series that you all pretended didn’t happen.
It did happen.
Right?
Beach balls
on April 17, 2007 at 4:02 pm
Mike Wuertz’ pair are the size of me.
Filled with brass.
Murtonized
on April 17, 2007 at 4:02 pm
Threat ended! I love right field.
Eyre
on April 17, 2007 at 4:03 pm
That’s how that’s done, doges.
George Castle
on April 17, 2007 at 4:03 pm
What the hell I think we’re doing wrong?
Mike D.
on April 17, 2007 at 4:03 pm
Sorry, #228 was me. Yahoo led me to believe Wuertz finished the inning. Bastards. Yay for Scott Eyre.
Where’s Taylor dammit?
Jock
on April 17, 2007 at 4:04 pm
You know what I like about left field? It’s a much shorter run from the dugout. And I only have to listen to guys in the bullpen tell me how much me and my sister suck half as much.
Jock Jones Pose
on April 17, 2007 at 4:05 pm
Prepare for it.
Jock Jones Pose
on April 17, 2007 at 4:05 pm
I do it on grounders to third, too.
Jock
on April 17, 2007 at 4:06 pm
Yay! I’m worthless!
Jock
on April 17, 2007 at 4:06 pm
Guh
RonCe
on April 17, 2007 at 4:06 pm
Walk off time, doges!
Juan Pierre
on April 17, 2007 at 4:06 pm
Prepare for what, #234. An example of how I make my living–by hitting the ball into the ground?
Cornelius Clifford Floyd
on April 17, 2007 at 4:07 pm
RonCe’s getting a good pitch to hit here. My ondeckness has the pitcher rattled.
Taylor
on April 17, 2007 at 4:07 pm
Mike D.,
Right here. Well, stuck at work.
RonCe
on April 17, 2007 at 4:07 pm
I walked? Seriously? HTF did that happen?
RonnieCe
on April 17, 2007 at 4:08 pm
Holy crap! I did something right!
Can I have a cookie?
Rudy
on April 17, 2007 at 4:08 pm
No RonCe…walk ON.
Good job.
RonCe
on April 17, 2007 at 4:09 pm
Nice baserunning, eh?
Iowa
on April 17, 2007 at 4:10 pm
Ronny,
We’ll keep the light on for you.
Rudy
on April 17, 2007 at 4:11 pm
Please, no teasers like, “Nice baserunning, eh?” We’re watching on the interwebs, and it’s currently in the seventh inning of a game in 1999.
Did Cedeno get picked off?
RonnieCe
on April 17, 2007 at 4:11 pm
Why go somewhere when you can just stand still?
#246
on April 17, 2007 at 4:12 pm
Yes…. At freakin’ first.
A DP at 1st!
Cliff
on April 17, 2007 at 4:13 pm
Nah, I lined out to short and Ronny got doubled off first. It wasn’t exactly a chapter out of the Moises Alou Big Book of Baserunning Blunders, but it wasn’t all that great, either.
Cindy Sandberg Night
on April 17, 2007 at 4:15 pm
Kane County is running a promotion for the first time Ryno’s Peoria Chiefs are in town. It’s Cindy Sandberg Night. Any bleach blonde wearing a corn cob dress gets in free. Provided she agrees to fuck a Mexican.
Russell Branyan
on April 17, 2007 at 4:16 pm
The Padres kept me and let Todd Walker go. Really?
10th Inning
on April 17, 2007 at 4:16 pm
Cubs will win it in me, bitches, completing the first sweep in the history of a Piniella-led Cubs team.
Brown Spot Bob
on April 17, 2007 at 4:17 pm
Here I go again.
Wade Miller
on April 17, 2007 at 4:18 pm
So…… I gets another start in five days then?
Felix
on April 17, 2007 at 4:18 pm
Do you think the Fonz throws that guy out at home plate? I’m here to stay bitches.
Still 3-3.
Andy
on April 17, 2007 at 4:19 pm
Impressive throw by Felix who was parallel to the ground when he let go of it. Equally impressive panic move by Barrett who short hopped E-ramis at third when he had no chance of getting that guy.
Pie
on April 17, 2007 at 4:19 pm
Holy Shit
Pie
on April 17, 2007 at 4:20 pm
Damn.
Peeay in the Skeeay
on April 17, 2007 at 4:20 pm
How about that throw, doges? It was fucking perfect, not even Mouthbreathin’ Mikey could have screwed that up.
Andy
on April 17, 2007 at 4:21 pm
E-ramis double clutched and nearly let in the tie run but just barely got Cameron at first.
Juan Pierre
on April 17, 2007 at 4:21 pm
Just like the old days!
Andy
on April 17, 2007 at 4:23 pm
I just pie’d in my pants.
Felix
on April 17, 2007 at 4:23 pm
So let’s recap. So far, if I’m not mistaken, I drove in run #2, scored the tying run and saved the go ahead run in extras. Here to stay, indeed.
Now let’s see about this walkoff HR, doges.
Soriano
on April 17, 2007 at 4:23 pm
You forget I have a laser rocket arm. I would have nailed him at home too. Aw, fuck it.
Corey
on April 17, 2007 at 4:25 pm
I used to throw guys out at home all the time. Big deal. You’re all racist. The kid’s not that good. He barely even knows how to strut around with his ass in the air. Whatever.
The Legend of Felix Pie
on April 17, 2007 at 4:25 pm
They’ll write children’s books about me if I homer to end it here.
Lou Piniella
on April 17, 2007 at 4:26 pm
Ass in the air? What?
Pie
on April 17, 2007 at 4:26 pm
Why wasn’t I this good in Iowa?
Bill Simmons
on April 17, 2007 at 4:27 pm
I’ll compare you to Len Bias if you homer here, Pie. It doesn’t matter if the analogy doesn’t make sense.
Les Walrond
on April 17, 2007 at 4:27 pm
I’ll make a good 5th pitcher too!
The Legend of Felix Pie
on April 17, 2007 at 4:28 pm
Yeah. Let’s call that a “rocket shot” to the pitcher. How about Theriot leans into one Rudy Stein style, takes his base and scores on a D-Lee double?
JD
on April 17, 2007 at 4:28 pm
Wasn’t Pie hittin’ over .400 in Iowa this year? With an OBP over .500? And 9 walks?
.444
on April 17, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Hey, you hit me in Iowa.
Or do you mean last year?
Mike Quade
on April 17, 2007 at 4:30 pm
Oops. I called timeout as Theriot was taking ball four. I feel about Wendell Kim inches tall right now.
Mike Quade
on April 17, 2007 at 4:30 pm
Oops. Hey, it’s free baseball!
Or at least more of it.
morpheus
on April 17, 2007 at 4:32 pm
Gameday is frozen… what’s happening?
Mike Quade's sinister growth
on April 17, 2007 at 4:34 pm
What, pray tell, are my excuses for calling time in the first place? I’m going to need an alibi.
Andy
on April 17, 2007 at 4:35 pm
Whatever got into E-ramis needs to stay there, and not burst of his stomach like the diner scene in Alien.
TheHawk
on April 17, 2007 at 4:35 pm
Apparently Mike Quade broke gameday. The Riot appeared to get a walk, but the third base umpire called time before ball 4 was thrown. Strike and a ground out to second base and thats that for the 10th.
Stuck at work
on April 17, 2007 at 4:35 pm
Someone needs to give a Taylor-cast. Every gameday site is broken.
Mike Quade's Alibi
on April 17, 2007 at 4:37 pm
I’m a good person who did a bad thing.
Taylorcast
on April 17, 2007 at 4:38 pm
I am very needed. GameChannel on Yahoo broken too.
The interwebs can’t handle these new fangled extra innings.
Derrecles
on April 17, 2007 at 4:40 pm
Since when did I turn into Todd Walker at the plate?
Andy
on April 17, 2007 at 4:40 pm
Cubs haven’t had a hit since the fifth.
One out. E-ramis batting.
Mike D.
on April 17, 2007 at 4:40 pm
I’m not joking. Yahoo had the game 1-0 Cubs in the 5th, with “Bowen” doubling home Henry Blanco for the only run of the game in teh bottom of the fifth.
Some days, the Internet just sucks.
Chip Caray
on April 17, 2007 at 4:40 pm
They’re NOT extra innings. They’re “bonus panels”.
Mindless Flashturbation
on April 17, 2007 at 4:40 pm
I’m part of the problem, but the dwarves tend to muse over confusing plays.
DesipiCast
on April 17, 2007 at 4:41 pm
E-ramis grounds to third. Two out.
Chip Caray
on April 17, 2007 at 4:43 pm
The Cubs are not wearing their hitting shoes today.
Chip Caray
on April 17, 2007 at 4:44 pm
Murton swings and misses for strike three and he’s out which is the third out which ends the innings. This game is tied and per MLB rules we will continue on to an 11th inning.
New Promotion Idea
on April 17, 2007 at 4:46 pm
Kick Chip Caray in the Balls Day. 100 random winners get a free swift kick to Chip Caray’s ballsack. In the end we’re all winners.
Chip Caray
on April 17, 2007 at 4:47 pm
Get your pencils and scorecards ready! The Cubs have brought Ryan Dempster in to hurl the pelota. Gritty little Ryan Theriot is in right field. Mark DeRosa is at second. Dempster bats in Murton’s spot, DeRosa in Howry’s.
Andy
on April 17, 2007 at 4:47 pm
Dempster gives up a leadoff walk. ETA to a Cubs loss is 12 minutes and counting.
Harry Doyle
on April 17, 2007 at 4:48 pm
How can these hitters lay off such tempting pitches?
Mike D.
on April 17, 2007 at 4:49 pm
Chip would also make snarky comments about the game going too late, and that was reason #4,456 on the list of reasons to loathe Chip. Way to relate to those of us at home that your dinner plans are getting smushed because you have to broadcast a baseball game that you’re getting paid for.
Without Chip, how would we ever know who is picking me up?
Chip Caray
on April 17, 2007 at 4:52 pm
One out, runner on second. Some guy with a big number flies out to the sexy new rookie in center. Two out. Marcus HGH Giles at the plate.
Chip Caray
on April 17, 2007 at 4:53 pm
Liner to center and DeRosa makes a cat-like Morandini-esque diving snag to end the inning. I haven’t had an erection this big since The Beege waved to me in Houston from a taxi.
Mark O' The Rose
on April 17, 2007 at 4:53 pm
Suck it, Morandini!
Taylor
on April 17, 2007 at 4:54 pm
DeRosa just made a great catch to rob Giles of a single and the go ahead run.
Armisted Maupin
on April 17, 2007 at 4:56 pm
This would be much simpler with the “special medicine.”
Andy
on April 17, 2007 at 4:56 pm
On the replay of DeRosa’s catch from the grandstand behind home, watch how close Felix was when DeRosa caught it. He was maybe 20 feet from the infield, getting ready to throw the guy out at home. Back when he was young, Kenny Lofton used to play center really shallow like that and dare guys to hit it over him. Few ever did.
Andy
on April 17, 2007 at 4:58 pm
Whiffs. Still no hits since the fifth. Have I mentioned this is the TWELFTH fucking inning?
Doug Brocail
on April 17, 2007 at 4:59 pm
I’m Koufax in his prime.
Taylor
on April 17, 2007 at 5:03 pm
Shit. It looked liked DeRosa ended it. Damn wind.
The Devil's Pantaloons
on April 17, 2007 at 5:03 pm
Gettin’ a little itchy here.
therick711
on April 17, 2007 at 5:04 pm
Here comes another 18 inning affair like in Houston last year. Summon O’Malley.
If Chip WereStill Here
on April 17, 2007 at 5:08 pm
DeRosa swung on and belted! Awww shoot. It’s caught. Well SOMEONE doesn’t want us to catch a flight to Atlanta tonight.
Will Ohman
on April 17, 2007 at 5:08 pm
I’m the likely reason why this game won’t go 18.
therick711
on April 17, 2007 at 5:10 pm
#311 or at least the reason it will end there.
Becker
on April 17, 2007 at 5:10 pm
coming up next after the ball game on WGN around 9:30
Alex Gonzalez
on April 17, 2007 at 5:13 pm
You guys miss me yet?
Will Ohman
on April 17, 2007 at 5:16 pm
Fortunately, I have a side gig in Persian wresting.
dan
on April 17, 2007 at 5:19 pm
you guys are still here.
cool.
i didn’t know there was a live broadcast today.
BREEEEVE! oh wait.
Oh Man
on April 17, 2007 at 5:21 pm
you guys are stuck with me till the bitter end of this one.
why this is funny
on April 17, 2007 at 5:21 pm
Teams often make small mistakes like this (bringing Pie up to send Angel down, but failing to call up Rocky Cherry and cut Ohman) and get away with them, but the Cubs aren’t going to get away with this one. Maybe next time they’ll make more timely cuts/ call-ups.
Taylor
on April 17, 2007 at 5:21 pm
Here’s Ohman to end the game.
Padres Bullpen
on April 17, 2007 at 5:22 pm
we are as good as advertised. bitches.
Kyle Lohse
on April 17, 2007 at 5:24 pm
Yes, it takes a mighty pitching staff to shut down these Cubs.
Wade Miller
on April 17, 2007 at 5:25 pm
I hope this game has gone on long enough that Lou has forgotten how bad I pitched. He’s old, you know.
Chris Sampson
on April 17, 2007 at 5:25 pm
Ha ha! good one kyle!
Ohman + Jock
on April 17, 2007 at 5:26 pm
Fire and gasoline, baby! You work 13 innings to win a game, we’ll work one to blow it! With any luck, we’ll both be gone by May.
Taylor
on April 17, 2007 at 5:26 pm
Great play by Jock to misplay that and turn a single into a double.
Madres 4-3
Jock Jones
on April 17, 2007 at 5:26 pm
I was born to play left field.
therick711
on April 17, 2007 at 5:26 pm
F@^#*&@^#*&$^*@&^$ Ohman. SEND HIM AWAY!
Will Ohman
on April 17, 2007 at 5:27 pm
How can I possibly remain on the staff?
The Legend of that is Geoff Blum
on April 17, 2007 at 5:28 pm
I continue to grow.
The Legend that is Geoff Blum
on April 17, 2007 at 5:28 pm
I continue to grow.
kick in the nuts
on April 17, 2007 at 5:29 pm
i know it’s coming and yet i still don’t protect myself.
#329
on April 17, 2007 at 5:29 pm
I suck
Cubs Bullpen Scoreless Streak
on April 17, 2007 at 5:29 pm
Yea, Len, you kind of missed that. Ohman has now snapped a single bullpen scoreless streak two times. Len, pray tell, what is the non-Ohman bullpen scoreless streak? It’s got to be impressive.
14th inning stretch
on April 17, 2007 at 5:33 pm
We now welcome back David Arquette to sing take me out to the ballgame once again, but this time set to the romantc light bossa nova stylings of gary pressy’s drum machine…
Bitter fan
on April 17, 2007 at 5:33 pm
So why does it take a month of bad play for the team to do what everyone said it should do out of ST? Angel should have got the 5th starter gig in the first place, Jock should have been shipped (making it a Murton, Floyd, Sori, Pie OF) out in the first place, Cherry should have gotten Ohman’s spot in the first place. But the Cubs take a month of mistakes to come to these decisions (and with Jock, they’ll probably keep him all year and regret it).
Cubs '03
on April 17, 2007 at 5:35 pm
We need a Randall Simon line drive special here
Fat Daryle
on April 17, 2007 at 5:35 pm
Lookit the hustle!
hoffman
on April 17, 2007 at 5:35 pm
nice d bitches
Dan
on April 17, 2007 at 5:36 pm
Geez #335. For a bitter fan, you use the term “first place” an awful lot when refering to the cubs.
Carlos Zambrano
on April 17, 2007 at 5:36 pm
Your new firstbaseman.?
Sausage Race...
on April 17, 2007 at 5:36 pm
…we miss Simon!!
Mike Cammeron
on April 17, 2007 at 5:36 pm
Hows that for a web gem?
cammeron
on April 17, 2007 at 5:36 pm
at least i didn’t strain my hamstring making the throw like phonsie
Jock
on April 17, 2007 at 5:37 pm
Still the best!
if Lou was smart...
on April 17, 2007 at 5:37 pm
he’d PH Zambrano here.
Long Fly Ball
on April 17, 2007 at 5:38 pm
Look, I’m not going out of the park today. Stop watching me. You’re embarrassing yourself.
Big Spot Ron
on April 17, 2007 at 5:38 pm
Watch me pop up to end the game. Wouldn’t you rather Big Z got this at-bat?
rony cedeno
on April 17, 2007 at 5:38 pm
10 to 1 i strike out looking
Big Spot Ron
on April 17, 2007 at 5:39 pm
I just took a slow pitch right down the middle to end a 14 inning game. I’m a piece of shit. Flush me.
David Spade
on April 17, 2007 at 5:39 pm
Ronny’s a big dumb animal, folks.
ron ce's stat line
on April 17, 2007 at 5:39 pm
yikes.
Soriano
on April 17, 2007 at 5:40 pm
I should play shortstop. *ow f*** my leg!*
I wouldn’t be any *ouch* worse than what plays there *limp* now…….
348
on April 17, 2007 at 5:40 pm
Karnack!
Ron Ce
on April 17, 2007 at 5:41 pm
Keeeeel Meeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!
Ohman, Wade, Cedeno and Jock
on April 17, 2007 at 5:43 pm
If we’re all still here tomorrow, it’s same old, same old for the Cubs.
rony cedeno
on April 17, 2007 at 5:55 pm
353 thanks
hoffman v. cedeno its as certain as the cubs number one free agent signee getting injured early in the year
4-letter board says I’m leading off?
How come I’m not floating over the Cubs Live! graphic?
What will i be?
Vegas is paying even money on a K.
Because I am empty, #2.
Lineups according to Gameday:
Padres:
M Giles 2B
B Giles RF
Cameron CF
Gonzalez 1B
Greene SS
Sledge LF
Kouzmanoff 3B
Bowen C
Maddux P
Cubs
Pie CF
Theriot 2B
Lee 1B
Ramirez 3B
Murton RF
Jones LF
Cedeno SS
Blanco C
Miller P
Why not play Theriot at SS and let DeRosa play 2B? At least Thunder Matt is getting in the lineup. And, what has Jock done to warrant playing over Clifford? A whole lotta nuttin’.
I was sent down. Brilliant!
This means that I’m going to be stretched so I can get called back up and take Wade Miller’s spot in the rotation.
Don’t get to comfy down there #7
What are the chances Jock gets traded by the end of the week and Pie stays with the team?
Why isn’t MLB.tv showing this game?
BREEVE!
Nevermind. It’s up now.
Brave!
Putting off a business trip to Madison for the Felix Pie debut.
Wayne, you mispronounced “Breeeeeve”
I will be lucky to have half the career Corey does……
My favorite pie filling is Don Ho’s rotting flesh.
Clearing my schedule for teh Felix Pie debut. It was surprisingly easy.
I will also clear my schedule.
*shakes Etch-A-Sketch*
Well, you better hit about 3 home runs in your first ab, #17, to keep the fans from comparing you to Korey. Some of those fans are kinda dramatic and reactionary.
Lead off single. At least he kept him in the park.
I think we’ll be too busy negativing Wade Miller to even notice.
FREE Guzman
How bout that Matt Murton? I blame Jock for that one.
We want a new right fielder
Wha’ happen’?
What happened?
Sorry morpheus, when I debuted here, I usually just stuck to “Brave!”. Somewhere along the line, people started manipulating the phrase. Really, I think the whole thing is a big ol’ positive. Me? I’ll stick to “Brave!”. Still, I love it when ever I see the “Breeeeeeve!” version.
I take bullets, eat them, and spit them out. I am, Brave!
Wade Miller is not Brave!
Can’t get me back to Wrigley quick enough, can ya doges?
Turn the plane around!
Is Wade Miller vested in his MLB Pension?
Angel, don’t you mean the tractor?
Looks like Wade is throwing batting practice again.
We send Angel and not Ohman down?
I think that we could’ve trusted Will with an 11 run lead last night and kept Guzman up. Just saying.
Can you guys to leave Blanco out there?
Hopefully, today’s the last day of me.
I saw an implication that Matt Murton misplayed a ball.
Description?
I need to get stretched out mang. It’s ok, I be back.
Pie is almost as black as me.
I wonder if Foulke will come to my retirement party.
That went infinitely better than I was thinking.
Aw fuck it. Who wants Pie?
Man, Pie is terrible. How many guys who go hitless in their 1st major league at-bat ever amount to anything?
Daddy dove for a ball that bounced a foot in front of his glove and skipped by him to the wall.
Can the cubs get Korey back?
#41,
But is he blacker than me? I actually had a PURPLE tint.
True Grit.
I shit gold.
ON FIRE!
Nice to see us take a base from Greggie… like everyone else did when he was here.
Not knocking Greggie–still love him. Just saying.
I shit grit
It’s a good thing Theriot’s not batting leadoff. Yessir. No need to get on base and steal with NOBODY out.
See? I’ve developed three guys in the linuep today! Murton, Pie and Theriot!
I’M the reason you don’t bat Theriot leadoff.
Dude, how many times do I have to explain this? Your center fielder leads off and your second baseman bats second.
Mike, I understand what you’re saying, but could part of him hitting well be who’s hitting behind him?
Pitchers fear DLee like the plague. Theriot is going to get a ton of good pitches to hit there. He’s hitting them. Why change that?
Dusty, dude…my man!! Are you preaching my gospel in Africa, or wherever the fuck you’re traveling right now??
Did anybody else catch the Jock Jones Pose during last night’s game?
I’m really not that good. Trust me.
Pancakes hits a triple? Is this some bizarro world?
Ow!!!!!! My ass!!! And wrist!!!!
Welcome back, ARam.
Damn….talk about hustle.
Triple? Yahoo says he’s on 2nd. Stupid Yahoo.
I traditionally bench players on my fantasy team for their first game back from injury.
Thanks a lot, Aramis, y’bum! Mike Lowell better have himself an 8-HR game today.
CT (#60)
I saw it, thought it was hilarious. He struck his pose and the ball ended up being caught. I laughed out loud.
The wrist is fine, doges.
I’m tired of the abuse. That’s it, I’m pulling my diary.
Thought he had back-to-back jacks there for a second.
So did I CT.
I’ve got Maddux in a Cubs cap and Miller in a Red Sox cap. Feel the confusion.
THE ARISTOCRATS!
Are we enough for the Cubs to score to win today?
I just had to have this guy Miller.
Hey guys, how’s Cesar treatin ya?
This guy Miller sucks.
Wade Miller was a bad choice…
/takes a swig from a milk carton.
What does DFA mean, exactly?
Nice trade Greg. Hope you’re not looking for a front office job after your retire.
You guys want me to start warming up? Just asking.
See how high I can throw it?
Thanks for leaving me hanging big bro.
Hi, I’m Wade Miller’s ERA.
Time to strike that pose
Hey guys, where’s Prior?
Nice work Jock (really).
Hey Ronnie, we’ve got an opening on the Tumblers, you interested?
Even I’m not sure what the hell I’m doing here.
Give me your blood and organs!
Hi there Mark Us at #87, thanks for asking. I’m currently wishing I were Wade Miller.
Oh how humiliating.
Shit, I could’ve done that
Ronnie, you’d look dapper in a white top with white trousers.
Yeah. I suck at hitting too…
Would the white slacks clash with my titanium legs?
I actually just said this to Ron: “We don’t want your organs now, we’ll take them later.”
Cubs’ winning streak stops at me
About as bad as it gets today.
Maybe the Fonz should come see me for awhile. Maybe he’ll learn how to hit again.
I’m different from every other day because……????
Maybe the Fonz should come see me for awhile and see if he can learn to hit again.
Get off my back, it’s not like I’ve allowed the Madres to score in every inning so far. Oh wait….
I’m off to Des Moines to see if I can learn how to hit!
Re: 99
9 is about as bad as it gets hitting and pitching
Why is there always a Padre standing on me
Is anyone up in the Cubs’ bullpen?
Any updates on me?
Leesten Wade…aw fergit it meng, ain’ woth eet.
I thought they said I was in the big leagues? These guys suck.
I’ve been serving up so many meatballs, I should open an Italian restaurant once I get cut, which should be sometime this week.
Welcome to “The Life” Felix.
The Rockies scored in all 9 innings at Wrigley Field. This is nothing. Damn, I’m positive!
Seriously, I don’t understand all the hubbub about F. Pie, I’ve seen him play in Iowa for a couple of years and he’s just a player. That’s not bad – but don’t expect him to be a superstar.
So, just how bad/hurt was Prior to get beat out by this steamer?
But he’s wearing Gracie’s number!
Dude I can’t pitch. It hurts. Ow!!!
#112-
A “couple years”?
Pffft.
How Guzman didn’t beat this turd out in ST is beyond me.
Let’s just say that when Prior comes to Iowa… They won’t sell out the stadium anymore. Or Wood.
Wade is doing the rope a dope. He is going to wear out the other team by making them run around a lot, thus tiring them out for later innings when the cubs can make a comeback. Brilliant!
“Coaching visit to mound”. Is that Lou telling this assmuncher to throw fucking strikes?
Paging Lou Piniella. Please go to the mound and remove Wade Miller from the game. Thank you.
Maybe I can get an endorsement pitching Miller beer. It sucks too!
#116
Yes, a couple years. That’s all he’s been here.
Eat it, doges!
Wade Miller is still a has-been assclown.
Jim Tocco is likely confusing Pie with Kevin Roberson. Roberson’s still at Iowa isn’t he?? I think he bats right behind Pat Cline in the lineup.
Darkness!
Post, if you had actually SEEN Office Space, you’d know that was:
Wade Miller is a NO-TALENT assclown.
Dumbass.
0-2? Psahw….
Um, I think I know who might have a bunch of these, if anyone is interested.
AC, erhaps if you’ve had a chance, like me, to see him play more than 100 games, take BP every day, talk with him in the clubhouse, speak with his manager and hitting coach and discuss him with members of the Cubs’ brass and other pro scouts, then you might know what you are talking about.
Looks like someone has a case of the Mondays…
I wasn’t exactly quoting Office Space, numbnuts.
I get out in the Pros as well as I did in Iowa!
I get out in the Pros as well as I did in Iowa!
I wrote that Pie was the real deal back when he was at AA. Give the kid some time.
In the meantime AC, why don’t you carve a baseball diamond out of your backyard cornfield and see if deceased ballplayers come out to play.
Jim Tocco,
And if you had actually done any of these things, I’m sure you’d know what you were talking about as well.
Oh, and Lou agrees with me that Pie is a leadoff hitter. Suck it, Dolan.
Go the distance, AC.
THIS is CNN.
Leaving on a potentially life-changing business trip. Go Madison! Go Cubs! Goooooo PA!!!
(Taking requests to drop Wade Miller off in Des Moines or Lake Mendota on my way back)
Hey Andy…. You were wrong!
This was my reply to that evaluation:
‘Felix won’t be a leadoff hitter. At 19 he was the second youngest player in the Midwest League at the start of the season. By the time he’s 22 or 23 he’ll be a middle of the order guy. I’ve seen him play four times this year, he’s an absolute stud. He’s already a plus outfielder, and the Lansing radio broadcaster is a fat moron–Felix has a good idea at the plate of what’s a strike and what’s not. You don’t have to draw 100 walks to “control the strike zoneâ€Â.’
Thats reasonable! What is this, the Majors!?!?
Waddya know, 3 in a row!
He’s not a stud? We know that already? I haven’t seen him swing at any pitches at his eyes yet. He doesn’t seem to be retarded about the strike zone. I’m not saying that he’s destined for the HOF, but he hasn’t looked like a goofball.
What did I say about Felix Pie as a prospect?
I have an idea of the strike zone.
Mr Hendry, You didn’t develop me, you got me from the Red Sox with Nomar. Wow, no wonder we suck. Our own GM doesn’t even know where the players came from!!!
In other words, he probably won’t turn into me.
No, Patterson, I’ll probably be good.
OK, who’s pretending to be me?
And WHY would you want to?
Shut up, redhead! You spent time in our system so I can bullshit people into thinking we actually have some talent down there. Don’t fuck this up for me!
Leave Korey alone. He’s on a berevement leave as his grandfather died. I hear he’s taking a plane to the funeral because Korey doesn’t walk.
Why am I here?!!!
Answer: .071
Question: What do I need to win at Bingo and what is RonCe’s batting average?
Ronnie Gardocki is on to me.
I’m a way better Jeopardy category than “Twosomes”.
Suck it Trebek!
We’re pretty terrible
Spent time in the system? Exactly, being in the Cubs organization is a lot like being in prison. With Aramis around, I’m afraid to drop the soap.
Welcome back to “Celebrity Jeopardy”. Before we begin the Double Jeopardy round, I’d like to ask our contestants once again to please refrain from using ethnic slurs. That said, let’s take a look at the scores. Sean Connery has set a new “Jeopardy” record with -$230,000.
How do you like my beard? I’m still in Montgomery, and this June, I’ll call my 1,000th minor league game. That’s 10 times more baseball than is required to evaluate Felix Pie.
Welcome back to “Celebrity Jeopardy”. Before we begin the Double Jeopardy round, I’d like to ask our contestants once again to please refrain from using ethnic slurs. That said, let’s take a look at the scores. Sean Connery has set a new “Jeopardy” record with -$230,000.
Gimme your fruit cocktail!
I had that planned the whole time.
I’m greeety too mang.
Nice work Hank. You HWEqBA is off the charts.
FYC!
Why didn’t he take any pitches that time? He’s not what the Cubs need at this juncture.
Hey! Pie tied me in RBI
nt
Me too!
OPS – 1.000
Theriot grits Pie over to third.
Kiss my grits?
Why are the Padres wearing me?
Now I’m tied with Pie in RBI’s too
You’re an idiot.
I was the same guy that thought last Friday we only had one pinch hitter available for the entire game.
Yeah, I’m a LOT better than Jock.
I am amusing. Read me.
#177, come out from behind there, JD.
Alright motherfuckers! Shutdown time!
D’oh!
A less gritty second baseman wouldn’t have even gotten to that ball.
Doesn’t make fielding errors
I wasn’t gritty. I was just grimy.
I am delicious!
#183, don’t presuppose to tell me what “True Grit” is.
What are you talking about, CT? I was over on the messageboard when that happened. I mean, HJE.
All the people that say how awful Jock is in right field are getting to see what a truly awful RF looks like.
I still maintain the the Riot is scrappy, not gritty.
You should have left me in Lou. I was lights out today.
I thought my only defender in the world was my mom, who pipes up when mean mean fans yell at me. Now I know that there are two idiots out there who think I’m worth a damn.
They are? Has Murton been that bad in RF today?
I should totally be the fifth starter. I fuckin’ RAWK!
Don’t forget us, Jaques!!!
Ditch Miller (to wherever), call up Guzman for the fifth spot, ditch Ohman (to wherever; kill him, perhaps) and leave Pie on the roster; trade Jacques, and then do whatever w/ the 25th roster spot. Perhaps call up a shortstop who can hit, if one’s discovered someplace.
#190, I’m just not a racist. I bet you hate Jackie Robinson, too. Go follow the Astros.
Yeah, CT, Murton hasn’t looked good out there. Apparently the conditions are fairly difficult, though. Even Mike Cameron looked lost once.
See, you’re using your eyes instead of the stats again. The stats say that Murton has committed no errors today. Meanwhile, Jock’s VORP is .3 below the league minimum average integer. And I don’t think I need to tell YOU what that means.
Those numbers are some fickle hoes. One day, they help ya out. The next day, they keep ya down.
At least we’re not nappy-headed hoes.
I love that I’m on Jim Tocco’s Wikipedia page, and that I didn’t write it.
I’ll read it 99 more times before I pass judgement on it, though.
Do we know if Felix is playing center as well as Soriano? Does he hop on one foot when he catches flyballs?
What’s that wobbling? Oh, it’s my wheels about to come off.
Dude, I’m totally getting squeezed here.
You know what they call Terrmell Sledge’s sister?
Denise!
Hah! Oh, that joke is cooler than the other side of the pillow.
What? Sister Sledge? Yeah, that’s funny too.l
I went to Google Maps and entered strike zone. But I still can’t find it.
Google Maps has me in Mt. Prospect, Glenview and US Cellular
I struck the last guy out 203. Suck it!
I’m likin’ some Weurtz. And Cotts wasn’t bad, either.
What the hell are you talking about, #193? We f@#$ing hated Jock, too.
JD, how much of a turnaround has Weurtz made?
He went from incredibly bad to slightly less so!
I positive Weurtz.
I was shorter than David Arquette’s schlong.
What was with the Reagan patch on David Arquette’s jacket?
I’ve been inside of Courtney Cox.
I win.
According to Jock, we had nothing but love for him when he was a Twin. We probably had him confused for Torii Hunter most of the time.
So uhh, this has been a pretty good game, huh?
Too bad my yahoo keeps freezing up on me.
Wait a sec–
Outside of Will Ohman, the bullpen is actually pretty solid.
That does it. I’m bringing a radio into this place.
Time to show off the wheels again.
#214,
What do you mean outside of me? I held onto the lead last night.
Why do I always swing at the first pitch?
Looks like I’ll only be out a week
Let’s try that again…
You know why #219?
$136,000,000
Murton looks like me out there today. Except that he’s white.
I think that I’ve been left out here too long.
#223, yeah. you’re like mayo.
Here I come. Diarrhea running down my legs, and gas can in hand.
Listen guys, I had some gastrointestinal problems earlier this week, so if I completely shit my pants you’ll know why.
I hit a homer in one those World Series that you all pretended didn’t happen.
It did happen.
Right?
Mike Wuertz’ pair are the size of me.
Filled with brass.
Threat ended! I love right field.
That’s how that’s done, doges.
What the hell I think we’re doing wrong?
Sorry, #228 was me. Yahoo led me to believe Wuertz finished the inning. Bastards. Yay for Scott Eyre.
Where’s Taylor dammit?
You know what I like about left field? It’s a much shorter run from the dugout. And I only have to listen to guys in the bullpen tell me how much me and my sister suck half as much.
Prepare for it.
I do it on grounders to third, too.
Yay! I’m worthless!
Guh
Walk off time, doges!
Prepare for what, #234. An example of how I make my living–by hitting the ball into the ground?
RonCe’s getting a good pitch to hit here. My ondeckness has the pitcher rattled.
Mike D.,
Right here. Well, stuck at work.
I walked? Seriously? HTF did that happen?
Holy crap! I did something right!
Can I have a cookie?
No RonCe…walk ON.
Good job.
Nice baserunning, eh?
Ronny,
We’ll keep the light on for you.
Please, no teasers like, “Nice baserunning, eh?” We’re watching on the interwebs, and it’s currently in the seventh inning of a game in 1999.
Did Cedeno get picked off?
Why go somewhere when you can just stand still?
Yes…. At freakin’ first.
A DP at 1st!
Nah, I lined out to short and Ronny got doubled off first. It wasn’t exactly a chapter out of the Moises Alou Big Book of Baserunning Blunders, but it wasn’t all that great, either.
Kane County is running a promotion for the first time Ryno’s Peoria Chiefs are in town. It’s Cindy Sandberg Night. Any bleach blonde wearing a corn cob dress gets in free. Provided she agrees to fuck a Mexican.
The Padres kept me and let Todd Walker go. Really?
Cubs will win it in me, bitches, completing the first sweep in the history of a Piniella-led Cubs team.
Here I go again.
So…… I gets another start in five days then?
Do you think the Fonz throws that guy out at home plate? I’m here to stay bitches.
Still 3-3.
Impressive throw by Felix who was parallel to the ground when he let go of it. Equally impressive panic move by Barrett who short hopped E-ramis at third when he had no chance of getting that guy.
Holy Shit
Damn.
How about that throw, doges? It was fucking perfect, not even Mouthbreathin’ Mikey could have screwed that up.
E-ramis double clutched and nearly let in the tie run but just barely got Cameron at first.
Just like the old days!
I just pie’d in my pants.
So let’s recap. So far, if I’m not mistaken, I drove in run #2, scored the tying run and saved the go ahead run in extras. Here to stay, indeed.
Now let’s see about this walkoff HR, doges.
You forget I have a laser rocket arm. I would have nailed him at home too. Aw, fuck it.
I used to throw guys out at home all the time. Big deal. You’re all racist. The kid’s not that good. He barely even knows how to strut around with his ass in the air. Whatever.
They’ll write children’s books about me if I homer to end it here.
Ass in the air? What?
Why wasn’t I this good in Iowa?
I’ll compare you to Len Bias if you homer here, Pie. It doesn’t matter if the analogy doesn’t make sense.
I’ll make a good 5th pitcher too!
Yeah. Let’s call that a “rocket shot” to the pitcher. How about Theriot leans into one Rudy Stein style, takes his base and scores on a D-Lee double?
Wasn’t Pie hittin’ over .400 in Iowa this year? With an OBP over .500? And 9 walks?
Hey, you hit me in Iowa.
Or do you mean last year?
Oops. I called timeout as Theriot was taking ball four. I feel about Wendell Kim inches tall right now.
Oops. Hey, it’s free baseball!
Or at least more of it.
Gameday is frozen… what’s happening?
What, pray tell, are my excuses for calling time in the first place? I’m going to need an alibi.
Whatever got into E-ramis needs to stay there, and not burst of his stomach like the diner scene in Alien.
Apparently Mike Quade broke gameday. The Riot appeared to get a walk, but the third base umpire called time before ball 4 was thrown. Strike and a ground out to second base and thats that for the 10th.
Someone needs to give a Taylor-cast. Every gameday site is broken.
I’m a good person who did a bad thing.
I am very needed. GameChannel on Yahoo broken too.
The interwebs can’t handle these new fangled extra innings.
Since when did I turn into Todd Walker at the plate?
Cubs haven’t had a hit since the fifth.
One out. E-ramis batting.
I’m not joking. Yahoo had the game 1-0 Cubs in the 5th, with “Bowen” doubling home Henry Blanco for the only run of the game in teh bottom of the fifth.
Some days, the Internet just sucks.
They’re NOT extra innings. They’re “bonus panels”.
I’m part of the problem, but the dwarves tend to muse over confusing plays.
E-ramis grounds to third. Two out.
The Cubs are not wearing their hitting shoes today.
Murton swings and misses for strike three and he’s out which is the third out which ends the innings. This game is tied and per MLB rules we will continue on to an 11th inning.
Kick Chip Caray in the Balls Day. 100 random winners get a free swift kick to Chip Caray’s ballsack. In the end we’re all winners.
Get your pencils and scorecards ready! The Cubs have brought Ryan Dempster in to hurl the pelota. Gritty little Ryan Theriot is in right field. Mark DeRosa is at second. Dempster bats in Murton’s spot, DeRosa in Howry’s.
Dempster gives up a leadoff walk. ETA to a Cubs loss is 12 minutes and counting.
How can these hitters lay off such tempting pitches?
Chip would also make snarky comments about the game going too late, and that was reason #4,456 on the list of reasons to loathe Chip. Way to relate to those of us at home that your dinner plans are getting smushed because you have to broadcast a baseball game that you’re getting paid for.
I’m working again.
Pounder? I just met her!
Without Chip, how would we ever know who is picking me up?
One out, runner on second. Some guy with a big number flies out to the sexy new rookie in center. Two out. Marcus HGH Giles at the plate.
Liner to center and DeRosa makes a cat-like Morandini-esque diving snag to end the inning. I haven’t had an erection this big since The Beege waved to me in Houston from a taxi.
Suck it, Morandini!
DeRosa just made a great catch to rob Giles of a single and the go ahead run.
This would be much simpler with the “special medicine.”
On the replay of DeRosa’s catch from the grandstand behind home, watch how close Felix was when DeRosa caught it. He was maybe 20 feet from the infield, getting ready to throw the guy out at home. Back when he was young, Kenny Lofton used to play center really shallow like that and dare guys to hit it over him. Few ever did.
Whiffs. Still no hits since the fifth. Have I mentioned this is the TWELFTH fucking inning?
I’m Koufax in his prime.
Shit. It looked liked DeRosa ended it. Damn wind.
Gettin’ a little itchy here.
Here comes another 18 inning affair like in Houston last year. Summon O’Malley.
DeRosa swung on and belted! Awww shoot. It’s caught. Well SOMEONE doesn’t want us to catch a flight to Atlanta tonight.
I’m the likely reason why this game won’t go 18.
#311 or at least the reason it will end there.
coming up next after the ball game on WGN around 9:30
You guys miss me yet?
Fortunately, I have a side gig in Persian wresting.
you guys are still here.
cool.
i didn’t know there was a live broadcast today.
BREEEEVE! oh wait.
you guys are stuck with me till the bitter end of this one.
Teams often make small mistakes like this (bringing Pie up to send Angel down, but failing to call up Rocky Cherry and cut Ohman) and get away with them, but the Cubs aren’t going to get away with this one. Maybe next time they’ll make more timely cuts/ call-ups.
Here’s Ohman to end the game.
we are as good as advertised. bitches.
Yes, it takes a mighty pitching staff to shut down these Cubs.
I hope this game has gone on long enough that Lou has forgotten how bad I pitched. He’s old, you know.
Ha ha! good one kyle!
Fire and gasoline, baby! You work 13 innings to win a game, we’ll work one to blow it! With any luck, we’ll both be gone by May.
Great play by Jock to misplay that and turn a single into a double.
Madres 4-3
I was born to play left field.
F@^#*&@^#*&$^*@&^$ Ohman. SEND HIM AWAY!
How can I possibly remain on the staff?
I continue to grow.
I continue to grow.
i know it’s coming and yet i still don’t protect myself.
I suck
Yea, Len, you kind of missed that. Ohman has now snapped a single bullpen scoreless streak two times. Len, pray tell, what is the non-Ohman bullpen scoreless streak? It’s got to be impressive.
We now welcome back David Arquette to sing take me out to the ballgame once again, but this time set to the romantc light bossa nova stylings of gary pressy’s drum machine…
So why does it take a month of bad play for the team to do what everyone said it should do out of ST? Angel should have got the 5th starter gig in the first place, Jock should have been shipped (making it a Murton, Floyd, Sori, Pie OF) out in the first place, Cherry should have gotten Ohman’s spot in the first place. But the Cubs take a month of mistakes to come to these decisions (and with Jock, they’ll probably keep him all year and regret it).
We need a Randall Simon line drive special here
Lookit the hustle!
nice d bitches
Geez #335. For a bitter fan, you use the term “first place” an awful lot when refering to the cubs.
Your new firstbaseman.?
…we miss Simon!!
Hows that for a web gem?
at least i didn’t strain my hamstring making the throw like phonsie
Still the best!
he’d PH Zambrano here.
Look, I’m not going out of the park today. Stop watching me. You’re embarrassing yourself.
Watch me pop up to end the game. Wouldn’t you rather Big Z got this at-bat?
10 to 1 i strike out looking
I just took a slow pitch right down the middle to end a 14 inning game. I’m a piece of shit. Flush me.
Ronny’s a big dumb animal, folks.
yikes.
I should play shortstop. *ow f*** my leg!*
I wouldn’t be any *ouch* worse than what plays there *limp* now…….
Karnack!
Keeeeel Meeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!
If we’re all still here tomorrow, it’s same old, same old for the Cubs.
353 thanks
hoffman v. cedeno its as certain as the cubs number one free agent signee getting injured early in the year