I’m batting 2nd. And it was frozen reinder meet, which is very dangerous!
Cookie Monster
on April 24, 2008 at 1:52 pm
c is for cookie, and that’s good enough for me. I’m pretty easy to please. All I need to know is that the word cookie starts with the letter c and I’m happy. I have low standards. I need to get laid. And get a job….I auditioned for blue man group and they said I needed to shave if I wanted the part. Fuck that. So I ate the set.
The Cajuns put the fix in.
on April 24, 2008 at 1:52 pm
For today’s lottery for the Cubs 1 and 2 spots. Anyone else want a turn? Len and Bob? Burt and Ernie? Anyone?
Cookie Monster
on April 24, 2008 at 1:55 pm
cucumber starts with C? who knew. I could have sworn it started with a Q. All this time I thought q was for cumber, and that was good enough for me. Well it’s not anymore. Take that Q!
Odds
on April 24, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Kevin Hart pitches today: 1-5
Marquis has more total bases than Pie: 7-1
Even though he doesn’t even play for the Rockies, Jorge Sosa enters in a close game and exits in a blow out: 3-2
Lieber eats a cheeseburger: 3-1
…while pitching: 5-1
…in the stretch: 3-2
Fukudome chases Cook from the game after a 42-pitch at-bat featuring 27 consecutive foul balls just wide of third: 12-1
Lee homers: 2-1
Ramirez homers: 4-1
Someone named Homer Ramirez from Cicero selected for Back-to-Back Jacks in 7th: 25-1
Kerry Wood announces endorsement deal with Garden Yeti: 5-2
Marmol
on April 24, 2008 at 2:08 pm
I am not available today.
27
on April 24, 2008 at 2:09 pm
You’re not until about the 8th inning.
Jon Lieber
on April 24, 2008 at 2:13 pm
I’m available though.
Scotty Fabulous
on April 24, 2008 at 2:15 pm
I’ve got a porn star quality wife.
Megan Fox
on April 24, 2008 at 2:19 pm
I married the nerdiest one in 90210!! I’m still a who-rah…
Marquis de Suq
on April 24, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Humidor my ass.
Marquis d'Suc
on April 24, 2008 at 2:22 pm
The bullpen is well rested, right?
White Sox Fan
on April 24, 2008 at 2:22 pm
We need dat Scotty Pods guy back. He’s the reason we won dat World Series (de one dat never happened). Not dem 200 home runs we hit or dat 3.61 ERA.
Scotty Fabulous
on April 24, 2008 at 2:24 pm
I scored and I wasn’t even in a bathhouse.
Cookie Monster
on April 24, 2008 at 2:24 pm
C is for crappy. and thats good enough for maruqis!
Jim Edmonds
on April 24, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Bathhouse? Did somebody say bathhouse?
joesoxfan
on April 24, 2008 at 2:26 pm
That was the worst at bat of Ramirez’s entire career.
Dusty
on April 24, 2008 at 2:28 pm
That yellow dude is nothin’ but a base clogger.
Brewers
on April 24, 2008 at 2:32 pm
We are down two. David Riske gave up the runs.
Felix Pie
on April 24, 2008 at 2:32 pm
That’s an RBI, hermanos
Walter Sobchak
on April 24, 2008 at 2:33 pm
#39, Um we prefer the term Chinamen….
Smoked
on April 24, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Have some of that fuckers.
Love,
Felix
Turd Throw
on April 24, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Riske sucks.
Dusty
on April 24, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Walter,
Chinaman or yellow dude, it don’t make no difference. The dude clogs the bases.
Fatty Fielder
on April 24, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Did someone mention something smoked? I’m hungry again…
Felix PA's BA
on April 24, 2008 at 2:36 pm
A blazing .222 bitches!
Dusty
on April 24, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Damn dudes, we lost again. Still in last place. But hey there’s no where to go but up. Right?
I actually caught that ball, it flew out of my mitt when I hit the ground.
Chicago Cub Fans
on April 24, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Hey Dusty…..FUCK YOU!!!!!
#49
on April 24, 2008 at 2:40 pm
6 pitches
Andy
on April 24, 2008 at 2:41 pm
Marquis has thrown 28 pitches so far and only five balls. Since he’s lucky to have only given up one run so far, he might want to stop hitting the fat part of the plate.
Jerry Hairston the Lesser
on April 24, 2008 at 2:41 pm
I was 1 for 4 Dusty….therefore I’m guaranteed to start every game for the next month, right ?
Felix PA
on April 24, 2008 at 2:42 pm
My batting average is now 50 points higher than it was Monday morning.
Marquis d'Suc
on April 24, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Andy,
I’m lucky I can find the plate most days, now you want me to throw quality strikes?
Dusty
on April 24, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Jerry, dude. I only watched the AB where you got the hit. You’re batting 1.000!
I’m back fellows. I know you all have missed me. Go Sox!!!!!
Cue mouthbreathins shot.
#58
on April 24, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Korey’s
Marquis d'Suc
on April 24, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Oy fucking vey. I just sat down and the inning is already over.
Pie-O-Meter
on April 24, 2008 at 2:47 pm
The bleachers need one of me.
Korey
on April 24, 2008 at 2:48 pm
And I don’t have to study any film to have a .227 BA either.
The less scrappy Tiger ...
on April 24, 2008 at 2:48 pm
… can’t get on base or steal a base, but hey what do you want from a leadoff man?
Alfonso Soriano
on April 24, 2008 at 2:49 pm
You all want me, right #65?!
Alfonso Soriano
on April 24, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Well, fine, if you are doing so well without me – why don’t you just trade me?
Lance Dickson's Arm
on April 24, 2008 at 2:49 pm
If any of you have MLB Radio, don’t turn on the Rockies broadcast. Bad. Real bad.
The podcast studio
on April 24, 2008 at 2:50 pm
I am a never ending joke for Len and Bob.
rockies tv annoucers
on April 24, 2008 at 2:50 pm
We are insuffarable douches as well
Lance Armson's D***
on April 24, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Well now, how am I supposed to resist that, #68?
Hawk Harrelson and Darrin Jackson
on April 24, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Did someone say insufferable douches?
Marty Brennaman
on April 24, 2008 at 2:53 pm
‘Sup?
Marquis d'Suc
on April 24, 2008 at 2:53 pm
I am mowing these mothers down.
Ed Farmer & Steve Stone
on April 24, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Yes, someone did use the term insufferable douche. Visibility = good.
Dan
on April 24, 2008 at 2:55 pm
I wish I could hear the chicago insufferable douches. These rockies guys are turd heads.
#60
on April 24, 2008 at 2:55 pm
I need to be put down like a rabid dog.
Dan
on April 24, 2008 at 2:56 pm
#74 Really? are we watching the same game?
Jon Miller & Joe Morgan
on April 24, 2008 at 2:56 pm
What? No love for us?
First pitch swinging
on April 24, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Whoo! OBP suuuucks!
Dusty
on April 24, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Duudde…LOVE the agressiveness
Fukudome
on April 24, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Fukk!
The Cubs offense
on April 24, 2008 at 2:58 pm
We’ve got a flight to DC to catch so we’re trying to move things along.
Marquis du Suc
on April 24, 2008 at 2:58 pm
I’m going back out there already? Damn goys.
Top of the 4th
on April 24, 2008 at 2:58 pm
=ass
2-game series
on April 24, 2008 at 2:59 pm
WTF is with me?
Dan
on April 24, 2008 at 3:00 pm
quit your kvetching Marquis. Get your tuchus back out there!
Doges
on April 24, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Meng
mang
on April 24, 2008 at 3:02 pm
doges!
that last pitch
on April 24, 2008 at 3:03 pm
was a called 3rd strike on Fontenot
Leadoff man
on April 24, 2008 at 3:03 pm
If you hate Sori hitting there, you should be rampaging in the street about Fontenot hitting there. Anyone, anyone? No? What if he bunny hops at 2nd, how about then?
The plate
on April 24, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Can’t touch this, Marquis!
Hank White
on April 24, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Is it me or should my status be changed from sleepy? I get in a good amount of games and while I am prone to fall asleep while looking at signs, I am still better than that berut meng
Anyone
on April 24, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Not crazy about Fontenot leading off, but he hasn’t exactly been annointed as the cubs leadoff man. If that happens I’ll start making my plans to rampage the street.
4-6-3
on April 24, 2008 at 3:06 pm
spank you very much.
Doges
on April 24, 2008 at 3:08 pm
so, meng! what’s happining!
Meng
on April 24, 2008 at 3:09 pm
todo bien doges. how’ve you been papi?
5 pitches
on April 24, 2008 at 3:10 pm
to get thru A Ram, Dome, and DeRo. Ouch.
Andy
on April 24, 2008 at 3:11 pm
It’s either Fontenot-Theriot or Theriot-Pie. Actually, Theriot-Pie does seem like a better set up.
Yikes.
8 pitches
on April 24, 2008 at 3:11 pm
to get Soto.
Cory Provus
on April 24, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Did somebody say announcing douches?
Felix PA
on April 24, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Five tools baby!
Johnson
on April 24, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Dont forget me and my chin!
Pie
on April 24, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Rockies announcers say that the cubs found me in San Pedro de Marcoris shining shoes at age sixteen, liked my body, handed me a glove and a contract. I must have a hell of a body.
Tim McCarver
on April 24, 2008 at 3:15 pm
I’m surprised no one has called me an insufferable douche yet. Does that make me a sufferable douche? *hyuk hyuk hyuk*
What do you think, Joe?
Oneri Flieta
on April 24, 2008 at 3:15 pm
You have a great body, Felix.
PA-o-Meter
on April 24, 2008 at 3:16 pm
a robust .216 bitches!
Scotty Fabulous
on April 24, 2008 at 3:17 pm
I am on fire. One of you boys want to hose me off?
Pod Sednik
on April 24, 2008 at 3:17 pm
I really hate that guy
Joe Morgan
on April 24, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Well Tim, when I was on the big red machine we had a saying: Better to be insufferable than sufferable. That’s why I’m in the hall of fame. And you are a douche by the way.
Kenny Albert
on April 24, 2008 at 3:20 pm
*nasaly voice*
Hey, aren’t I a douche too? Or is my dad worse? Are we both douches?
I bet the answers will be yes, yes, and yes.
Shirtless Fireman
on April 24, 2008 at 3:20 pm
[Village People playing in the background]
sthsssomebody order a hose?
Ron Santo
on April 24, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Apparently I’m the last person on Earth that didn’t know Todd Helton played QB at Tennessee with Peyton Manning.
Jason Marquis
on April 24, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Okay, I’ve gone 5 innings….that should be enough, right?
Marquis d'Suc
on April 24, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Fabulous is driving me meshuggah.
Shirtless Fireman
on April 24, 2008 at 3:23 pm
I think I make a fabulous regular contributor to gamecasts. I can put the anal in analysis.
tHom Brennaman
on April 24, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Sorry I’m late to the douchy announcer party guys, they kept dragging me back on the dance floor at Roscoe’s!
The Cubs offense
on April 24, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Don’t wake us until the 8th inning.
Al Hrabosky
on April 24, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Did someone say douchy announcer party?
The Riot
on April 24, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Scrappy strikeout!
tHom
on April 24, 2008 at 3:25 pm
I’m partial to the dancefloor at the Manhole!
Patience at the plate
on April 24, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Bunting in this situation is for cowards. I loaded em up with no outs. Now let me run the team.
Lou
on April 24, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Hey, the bases are loaded! Ronny, get up there!
What, he’s on third?
Hey ump, ghost man on third! Ronny’s gonna bat!
Loaded
on April 24, 2008 at 3:57 pm
The bases are me.
Fat Kangaroo
on April 24, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Wait, I’m going to run for myself?
Daryle
on April 24, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Someone, please run for me.
Joe Dirt
on April 24, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Fielder’s choice is as good as a hit!
8th inning
on April 24, 2008 at 3:58 pm
we’re so cool here
Fontenot
on April 24, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Well, I didn’t totally suck.
Little Mikey
on April 24, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Damn I’m fast. RBI bitches.
End of an Inning
on April 24, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Hitters Park, Huh?
Andy
on April 24, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Leaving Daryle in worked because Tulowitzki couldn’t throw it around his fat ass.
Bases loaded, down 1
on April 24, 2008 at 3:59 pm
There’s no reason to pinch-run for the guy on 1st in this situation.
Fielder's Choice
on April 24, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Sorry Mikey. No RBI on me.
Felix
on April 24, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Fuck this, I’m stealing home.
False logic
on April 24, 2008 at 3:59 pm
needing to already put hank in, it would have left reed and matt on the bench. if reed pinch runs, he would have been wasted on the ground out. hence fat daryle taking the same force out is good
Felix
on April 24, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Oh, and Corey, suck it. I’m hitting .237 now.
The Riot
on April 24, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Scrappy lineout/DP!
Line drive double plays
on April 24, 2008 at 4:01 pm
We’re good at hitting into those.
Official scorer
on April 24, 2008 at 4:01 pm
You do get an RBI for a FC, but not for a DP. Cue Edmonds joke…now.
Lining into DPs
on April 24, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Damnit.
Rally-killing DP
on April 24, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Wait, that wasn’t DeRosa that lined into me?
Edmonds
on April 24, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Did someone say DP?
Ugh
on April 24, 2008 at 4:03 pm
If Helton’s not holding Fontenot on it’s 3-2. Of course, if he wasn’t holding him on, he’d have been a dumbass.
Rocket ship!
on April 24, 2008 at 4:04 pm
PA’s BA!
Quality start
on April 24, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Len Kasper’s favorite stat!
Hank
on April 24, 2008 at 4:04 pm
I’m in the leadoff spot! Finally, Lou recognizes my true calling!
Hank White Fan Club
on April 24, 2008 at 4:05 pm
We’re chuckling at something.
Well
on April 24, 2008 at 4:06 pm
that sucked ass
Kevin Hart
on April 24, 2008 at 4:07 pm
Uh oh.
Edmonds
on April 24, 2008 at 4:07 pm
Did someone say sucked ass?
Uncomfortable
on April 24, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Gay bashing Edmonds jokes make me this.
Kevin Hart
on April 24, 2008 at 4:10 pm
I’m just setting up the double play.
202
on April 24, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Get a sense of humor.
Theriot
on April 24, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Whoops.
Horny
on April 24, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Edmonds jokes make me THIS!
What the hell
on April 24, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Fuck my life.
The Riot
on April 24, 2008 at 4:11 pm
I suck
Alex Gonzalez
on April 24, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Can we forget me now
Theriot
on April 24, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Based on the replay, that would have been an inning-ending double play had I not dropped the throw.
The Riot
on April 24, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Doing whatever I can to blow this game.
Terry-Ohhhhhh
on April 24, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Oops. My bad.
Jim Edmonds
on April 24, 2008 at 4:12 pm
I’ll show you uncomfortable, 202.
209
on April 24, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Fuck no. You fucking lousy fuckty fuck
Tulowitzki's Batting Average
on April 24, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Thank you, Cubs pitching!
Theriot
on April 24, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Need to get away? Southwest has flights to tampa starting at $49.
Fuentes
on April 24, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Good news is I suck
The Riot
on April 24, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Aside from being moved to pitcher so I can start lobbing up meatballs or walking batters in, I couldn’t have done any more damage this inning.
209
on April 24, 2008 at 4:14 pm
No we most certainly fucking can’t.
Tulowitzki
on April 24, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Along with the Dodgers, I have more career RBI’s against the Cubs than anyone else. Is HJE still doing the T79?
Washington Nationals
on April 24, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Remember, even if you take a tough loss in Colorado, you get to play us next!
We’ve won 3 of our last 19!
D-Lee, A-Ram, Fukkake
on April 24, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Well, we’re up next at least.
#222
on April 24, 2008 at 4:16 pm
You guys are 0 for 8.
Split on the Road
on April 24, 2008 at 4:16 pm
I don’t suck guys.
Error-miss Ramirez
on April 24, 2008 at 4:17 pm
You’ll ignore my defense once I put us ahead again.
Kevin Hart
on April 24, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Consider my pants shat in.
K hart
on April 24, 2008 at 4:17 pm
well that was out number 4. one more to go. thanks theriot.
#223
on April 24, 2008 at 4:17 pm
They’re due.
Insurance run
on April 24, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Well, that probably will do it.
Kevin Hart
on April 24, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Do I ever not suck while on the mound?
Keyholed
on April 24, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Anyone think Hart has been getting me from the ump?
Ledge Jumpers
on April 24, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Oh my God! A road split against the defending league champions! A 15-7 record! The Cardinals are coming! This season is over! Suicide is the only option!
230
on April 24, 2008 at 4:19 pm
He did get out the inning if the DP was made.
Jim Edmonds
on April 24, 2008 at 4:19 pm
I’ll keyhole you, Kevin.
Rockies Bullpen
on April 24, 2008 at 4:19 pm
No lead has been safe us this year.
Slumpbuster
on April 24, 2008 at 4:20 pm
The Natonals are me!
Suicide jumpers
on April 24, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Take a look through the comments and let me know which ones are so egregious? Other than being disgusted by Theriot dropping a routine throw, I don’t see many panicked morans here.
234
on April 24, 2008 at 4:21 pm
You’re making me feel uncomfortable. Be more gentle next time.
Win Streak
on April 24, 2008 at 4:21 pm
I end here bitches.
Bring The Noise
on April 24, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Come on Cubbies!
D-Lee
on April 24, 2008 at 4:22 pm
dammit
Andy
on April 24, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Why couldn’t Hawpe has broken his foot before he reached up for the ball?
Andy
on April 24, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Has and have are the same word.
Douchey Cubs fan clapping for Hawpe
on April 24, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Remember the Prior! Boo him you twat!
The right field fence
on April 24, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Hi Brad.
Gopher Ball
on April 24, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Manny Corpas wouldn’t return my calls today. Sorry, Cubs.
Win Streak
on April 24, 2008 at 4:24 pm
I end here bitches
Ryan Spilborghs
on April 24, 2008 at 4:24 pm
I kill you guys everytime I step in.
The Cubs
on April 24, 2008 at 4:25 pm
We made lose this game, but we’re going to cripple the Rockies before we leave.
6 of 7
on April 24, 2008 at 4:26 pm
doesn’t suck.
Fukkake.
on April 24, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Man, did I look sick on three straight pitches.
Confused Look
on April 24, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Didn’t Aramis look a little bit like Korey after a third strike?
Grudge F***!
on April 24, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Oh the Nats are gonna pay for that loss!
Ted Lilly
on April 24, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Who took my machete? I have some slaying to take care of before we get on the flight to Washington.
Lilly's First Victim
on April 24, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Hawpe is a little gimpy at the moment…
Question
on April 24, 2008 at 4:34 pm
How sure of a DP was the ball Theriot f’ed up? I didn’t watch and was wondering if 9th inning damage was more on him or Hart
Mark Grace
on April 24, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Slumpbusters? Where?
256
on April 24, 2008 at 4:42 pm
It looked like they could have turned the DP. Brenly was convinced of it.
The 8th-Inning Non-DP
on April 24, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Slow down, boys. We were 25-12 on May 13th last year and look how that turned out.
..was nothing special to begin with.
Yes, have some.
I ate alot last year….
I heartily agree with FHM’s designation of Megan Fox as World’s Sexiest Woman, BTW. Geaux Cubs!
Hey Cub fans!
You ain’t sh*t. I’m in the Major Leagues.
At least that’s what I told the LF Bleachers on Tuesday before giving up three hits in the 7th.
http://homerderby.com/archives/2144
I hate you guys. You ain’t sh*t.
And I’m in the majors.
Joe Smith’s line from Tuesday:
2/3 IP, 3H, 1ER
Nice effort, douche.
I am a slut.
Thats why we love you Megan
Because I can’t spell S L _ T, without you!
“Mariah Carey hits Number One, Again.”
Despite her music sounding like number 2.
How would I have called the 10,000th Cubs win? Was John Cusack at the game last night?
Dudes, finally got Patterson (#1), Hairston (#2) and Bako (#8) in the lineup all at the same time. I wonder why we are losing (again).
fearless prediction: this game will go at least 9 innings.
How long until Neifi signs with Cincinnati? That, my friends, is the $1,000,000 question.
I pitching a 3 hit shut out against the Philldos. Even I can’t believe it.
#15,
If my man Kriv-dog was still GM Neifi would be signed the minute his suspension was over.
why did the cubs pay neifi 1,000,000? now THAT is the million dollar question.
Don’t worry, that CANNOT last long.
Soup’s on!
Did you guys ever hear about that time I scored the winning run?
Cubs
1. M-Fon 2b
2. The Riot ss
3. MVLee
4. E-Ramis
5. Ko-Fu
6. PonDeRosa
7. G-Sot
8. Felix Unger
9. J-Marq
Colorado
1. Scotty Pods
2. Reindeer Bares
3. T-Helt
4. Holliday Inn
5. Atkins Diet
6. B-Haw
7. Troy Toukljoiuassdazkoiti#$@%!
8. Chris Iaintgooda
9. Cookie Monster
I’m batting 2nd. And it was frozen reinder meet, which is very dangerous!
c is for cookie, and that’s good enough for me. I’m pretty easy to please. All I need to know is that the word cookie starts with the letter c and I’m happy. I have low standards. I need to get laid. And get a job….I auditioned for blue man group and they said I needed to shave if I wanted the part. Fuck that. So I ate the set.
For today’s lottery for the Cubs 1 and 2 spots. Anyone else want a turn? Len and Bob? Burt and Ernie? Anyone?
cucumber starts with C? who knew. I could have sworn it started with a Q. All this time I thought q was for cumber, and that was good enough for me. Well it’s not anymore. Take that Q!
Kevin Hart pitches today: 1-5
Marquis has more total bases than Pie: 7-1
Even though he doesn’t even play for the Rockies, Jorge Sosa enters in a close game and exits in a blow out: 3-2
Lieber eats a cheeseburger: 3-1
…while pitching: 5-1
…in the stretch: 3-2
Fukudome chases Cook from the game after a 42-pitch at-bat featuring 27 consecutive foul balls just wide of third: 12-1
Lee homers: 2-1
Ramirez homers: 4-1
Someone named Homer Ramirez from Cicero selected for Back-to-Back Jacks in 7th: 25-1
Kerry Wood announces endorsement deal with Garden Yeti: 5-2
I am not available today.
You’re not until about the 8th inning.
I’m available though.
I’ve got a porn star quality wife.
I married the nerdiest one in 90210!! I’m still a who-rah…
Humidor my ass.
The bullpen is well rested, right?
We need dat Scotty Pods guy back. He’s the reason we won dat World Series (de one dat never happened). Not dem 200 home runs we hit or dat 3.61 ERA.
I scored and I wasn’t even in a bathhouse.
C is for crappy. and thats good enough for maruqis!
Bathhouse? Did somebody say bathhouse?
That was the worst at bat of Ramirez’s entire career.
That yellow dude is nothin’ but a base clogger.
We are down two. David Riske gave up the runs.
That’s an RBI, hermanos
#39, Um we prefer the term Chinamen….
Have some of that fuckers.
Love,
Felix
Riske sucks.
Walter,
Chinaman or yellow dude, it don’t make no difference. The dude clogs the bases.
Did someone mention something smoked? I’m hungry again…
A blazing .222 bitches!
Damn dudes, we lost again. Still in last place. But hey there’s no where to go but up. Right?
How many pitches was Fukkake’s first at-bat?
I actually caught that ball, it flew out of my mitt when I hit the ground.
Hey Dusty…..FUCK YOU!!!!!
6 pitches
Marquis has thrown 28 pitches so far and only five balls. Since he’s lucky to have only given up one run so far, he might want to stop hitting the fat part of the plate.
I was 1 for 4 Dusty….therefore I’m guaranteed to start every game for the next month, right ?
My batting average is now 50 points higher than it was Monday morning.
Andy,
I’m lucky I can find the plate most days, now you want me to throw quality strikes?
Jerry, dude. I only watched the AB where you got the hit. You’re batting 1.000!
Who’s BA is higher, Felix’s or Korey’s?
That called third strike was 5 feet off the ground. It was way over my head.
I’m back fellows. I know you all have missed me. Go Sox!!!!!
Cue mouthbreathins shot.
Korey’s
Oy fucking vey. I just sat down and the inning is already over.
The bleachers need one of me.
And I don’t have to study any film to have a .227 BA either.
… can’t get on base or steal a base, but hey what do you want from a leadoff man?
You all want me, right #65?!
Well, fine, if you are doing so well without me – why don’t you just trade me?
If any of you have MLB Radio, don’t turn on the Rockies broadcast. Bad. Real bad.
I am a never ending joke for Len and Bob.
We are insuffarable douches as well
Well now, how am I supposed to resist that, #68?
Did someone say insufferable douches?
‘Sup?
I am mowing these mothers down.
Yes, someone did use the term insufferable douche. Visibility = good.
I wish I could hear the chicago insufferable douches. These rockies guys are turd heads.
I need to be put down like a rabid dog.
#74 Really? are we watching the same game?
What? No love for us?
Whoo! OBP suuuucks!
Duudde…LOVE the agressiveness
Fukk!
We’ve got a flight to DC to catch so we’re trying to move things along.
I’m going back out there already? Damn goys.
=ass
WTF is with me?
quit your kvetching Marquis. Get your tuchus back out there!
Meng
doges!
was a called 3rd strike on Fontenot
If you hate Sori hitting there, you should be rampaging in the street about Fontenot hitting there. Anyone, anyone? No? What if he bunny hops at 2nd, how about then?
Can’t touch this, Marquis!
Is it me or should my status be changed from sleepy? I get in a good amount of games and while I am prone to fall asleep while looking at signs, I am still better than that berut meng
Not crazy about Fontenot leading off, but he hasn’t exactly been annointed as the cubs leadoff man. If that happens I’ll start making my plans to rampage the street.
spank you very much.
so, meng! what’s happining!
todo bien doges. how’ve you been papi?
to get thru A Ram, Dome, and DeRo. Ouch.
It’s either Fontenot-Theriot or Theriot-Pie. Actually, Theriot-Pie does seem like a better set up.
Yikes.
to get Soto.
Did somebody say announcing douches?
Five tools baby!
Dont forget me and my chin!
Rockies announcers say that the cubs found me in San Pedro de Marcoris shining shoes at age sixteen, liked my body, handed me a glove and a contract. I must have a hell of a body.
I’m surprised no one has called me an insufferable douche yet. Does that make me a sufferable douche? *hyuk hyuk hyuk*
What do you think, Joe?
You have a great body, Felix.
a robust .216 bitches!
I am on fire. One of you boys want to hose me off?
I really hate that guy
Well Tim, when I was on the big red machine we had a saying: Better to be insufferable than sufferable. That’s why I’m in the hall of fame. And you are a douche by the way.
*nasaly voice*
Hey, aren’t I a douche too? Or is my dad worse? Are we both douches?
I bet the answers will be yes, yes, and yes.
[Village People playing in the background]
sthsssomebody order a hose?
Apparently I’m the last person on Earth that didn’t know Todd Helton played QB at Tennessee with Peyton Manning.
Okay, I’ve gone 5 innings….that should be enough, right?
Fabulous is driving me meshuggah.
I think I make a fabulous regular contributor to gamecasts. I can put the anal in analysis.
Sorry I’m late to the douchy announcer party guys, they kept dragging me back on the dance floor at Roscoe’s!
Don’t wake us until the 8th inning.
Did someone say douchy announcer party?
Scrappy strikeout!
I’m partial to the dancefloor at the Manhole!
Where am I today?
Two hits off Aaron Cook? Seriously?
The cubs need a little more razzle dazzle.
Only 6 hits off of Jason Marquis? Seriously?
It’s Getaway Day. I’m on a plane to D.C.
I suck! I hope I never come back!
Wow, Pat, is baseball season over with already?
I’m ready when you need me.
I’m ready too
Me too!
Leadoff walks are fun.
Four pitch walk to start the sixth. Hey, I started the win streak, I can end it, too!
We are playing here right? 1 run for the Cubs thru 6? The lead leading run producing Cubs?
Throw some fuking ground balls. I’m getting tired out here.
Me too!
In 90 minutes
#134, thank me.
I am Jeff Huson.
Yippee
Enough of this shit. Time to get some runs.
I may need to add Aaron Cook to my fantasies…. Team!. Fantasy team I meant. I meant Fantasy Team!
6 innings. 1 run. 82 pitches. Ace baby. Ace.
Le Marquis thanks you. I want some freaking runs!
Shirtless Firemen ain’t got nothin’ on us!
And tHom, your bill is past due.
6 IP, 1R, 68 pitches. You can call me Mr. Cy Young.
Marquis + wet balls = stud
I’ve got the runs…but that wasn’t quite what you meant was it 144?
Shut up you douche.
don’t make me spray you 149
Is full of Gay rage today…
Retired 16 in a row. WTF.
Oy
Seriously?
I hate everything.
Who the fuck am I?
Have we made it to the park yet?
That was my Matzo ball.
Put me in, doges.
Hi guys!!!
Showing #22 the most action since 2004
I don’t do fielding.
Time to score the runs.
you know what this means, doges. wake me up
2 pitches. 2 hits.
It’s time, doges.
Time to lay down a bunt.
That wasn’t me.
Ever heard of it Lou?
I was ball 4
I will not suck here.
Bunting in this situation is for cowards. I loaded em up with no outs. Now let me run the team.
Hey, the bases are loaded! Ronny, get up there!
What, he’s on third?
Hey ump, ghost man on third! Ronny’s gonna bat!
The bases are me.
Wait, I’m going to run for myself?
Someone, please run for me.
Fielder’s choice is as good as a hit!
we’re so cool here
Well, I didn’t totally suck.
Damn I’m fast. RBI bitches.
Hitters Park, Huh?
Leaving Daryle in worked because Tulowitzki couldn’t throw it around his fat ass.
There’s no reason to pinch-run for the guy on 1st in this situation.
Sorry Mikey. No RBI on me.
Fuck this, I’m stealing home.
needing to already put hank in, it would have left reed and matt on the bench. if reed pinch runs, he would have been wasted on the ground out. hence fat daryle taking the same force out is good
Oh, and Corey, suck it. I’m hitting .237 now.
Scrappy lineout/DP!
We’re good at hitting into those.
You do get an RBI for a FC, but not for a DP. Cue Edmonds joke…now.
Damnit.
Wait, that wasn’t DeRosa that lined into me?
Did someone say DP?
If Helton’s not holding Fontenot on it’s 3-2. Of course, if he wasn’t holding him on, he’d have been a dumbass.
PA’s BA!
Len Kasper’s favorite stat!
I’m in the leadoff spot! Finally, Lou recognizes my true calling!
We’re chuckling at something.
that sucked ass
Uh oh.
Did someone say sucked ass?
Gay bashing Edmonds jokes make me this.
I’m just setting up the double play.
Get a sense of humor.
Whoops.
Edmonds jokes make me THIS!
Fuck my life.
I suck
Can we forget me now
Based on the replay, that would have been an inning-ending double play had I not dropped the throw.
Doing whatever I can to blow this game.
Oops. My bad.
I’ll show you uncomfortable, 202.
Fuck no. You fucking lousy fuckty fuck
Thank you, Cubs pitching!
Need to get away? Southwest has flights to tampa starting at $49.
Good news is I suck
Aside from being moved to pitcher so I can start lobbing up meatballs or walking batters in, I couldn’t have done any more damage this inning.
No we most certainly fucking can’t.
Along with the Dodgers, I have more career RBI’s against the Cubs than anyone else. Is HJE still doing the T79?
Remember, even if you take a tough loss in Colorado, you get to play us next!
We’ve won 3 of our last 19!
Well, we’re up next at least.
You guys are 0 for 8.
I don’t suck guys.
You’ll ignore my defense once I put us ahead again.
Consider my pants shat in.
well that was out number 4. one more to go. thanks theriot.
They’re due.
Well, that probably will do it.
Do I ever not suck while on the mound?
Anyone think Hart has been getting me from the ump?
Oh my God! A road split against the defending league champions! A 15-7 record! The Cardinals are coming! This season is over! Suicide is the only option!
He did get out the inning if the DP was made.
I’ll keyhole you, Kevin.
No lead has been safe us this year.
The Natonals are me!
Take a look through the comments and let me know which ones are so egregious? Other than being disgusted by Theriot dropping a routine throw, I don’t see many panicked morans here.
You’re making me feel uncomfortable. Be more gentle next time.
I end here bitches.
Come on Cubbies!
dammit
Why couldn’t Hawpe has broken his foot before he reached up for the ball?
Has and have are the same word.
Remember the Prior! Boo him you twat!
Hi Brad.
Manny Corpas wouldn’t return my calls today. Sorry, Cubs.
I end here bitches
I kill you guys everytime I step in.
We made lose this game, but we’re going to cripple the Rockies before we leave.
doesn’t suck.
Man, did I look sick on three straight pitches.
Didn’t Aramis look a little bit like Korey after a third strike?
Oh the Nats are gonna pay for that loss!
Who took my machete? I have some slaying to take care of before we get on the flight to Washington.
Hawpe is a little gimpy at the moment…
How sure of a DP was the ball Theriot f’ed up? I didn’t watch and was wondering if 9th inning damage was more on him or Hart
Slumpbusters? Where?
It looked like they could have turned the DP. Brenly was convinced of it.
At least I didn’t show up for game 6 of the NLCS!
Thanks 258