Hello again, America. Today in the spirit of synergy…or…cross-promotion…ah, screw it, let me start over.

Today, in the spirit of blatant hucksterism, I’m sitting down with Andy Dolan, the author of the new smash hit (snicker, snicker) book “Oops, They Did It Again — The 2003 Chicago Cubs.”

Just because he’s my boss, don’t think that I won’t ask him the hard questions. No sir, I didn’t get to be here by asking softball questions of celebrities or acquitted murderers. No way.

America wants to know, and I want to ask.

Or something like that.

Karry Ling: Welcome to Desipio.com, Andy.

Andy Dolan: Thanks, Karry. I kind of run the place. I’ve been here before. Oh, and by the way before we start, maintenance wants me to remind you that the last time you threw up in the aquarium you promised to clean it if it happened again. So when we’re done, hop to it.

Karry: I don’t know what you are talking about. I didn’t puke in the aquarium.

Andy: Your suspenders are hanging over the side of the tank, Karry.

Karry: How do you know they’re mine?

Andy: Your pants are still hooked to them.

Karry: Uh…OK. Anyway, let’s talk about your new book. It’s called “Oops, They Did It Again — The 2003 Chicago Cubs.” It’s a great read. It was a real page turner.

Andy: You didn’t read it, did you?

Karry: I…skimmed it. Great stuff. Especially page 170. I loved that one.

Andy: Is that your Steve Bartman interview?

Karry: Perhaps.

OK, moving on. What prompted you to write this book?

Andy: A couple of things, really. First, it was a great season for the Cubs. Well, up until the end, anyway, and I was really proud of the way we covered it. I just figured there were people out there who would want to get a copy of this book and relive it. It’s a book that just about any Cubs fan, and surely any Desipio reader who’s a Cubs fan will love.

And the other reason is that it’s a way to exploit the Cubs season and make a buck.

Karry: I noticed my photo doesn’t appear on page 170, is there a reason for that?

Andy: Have you looked at yourself? I mean, really.

Karry: Good point. What was your favorite moment of the 2003 Cubs season?

Andy: That’s easy, my favorite moment was between the games of that September 1 doubleheader with the Cardinals–when the Cubs won four out of five games in that series–and Carlos Zambrano said, “We have to go out there and kill the Cardinals.” It just showed that Carlos “gets it.” It’s nice that our big three, Carlos, Kerry Wood and The Franchise all hate the Cardinals as much as we do. That’s priceless. And, it’s a long way from the sissified Jim Riggleman days.

Karry: So, your favorite moment wasn’t when the Cubs won the division, or when they beat the Braves? It was when a 22 year old hothead plotted out a murder strategy against a third place team?

Andy: Well, yeah.

Karry: I can respect that.

Andy: Don’t get me wrong, the season was full of great moments. The September Saturday when the Astros lost to the Brewers and the Cubs won a doubleheader and the NL Central is unforgettable. That ludicrous win in game three of the LCS when Randall Simon hit the homer and Tom Goodwin and Doug Glanville both hit pinch triples, and Luis Castillo got lost between second and third was a classic. Carlos’ homer in Houston, Sammy’s homer to win the first game of that September 1 doubleheader. You can go on and on and on, and that’s what makes the book so much fun. It’s all in there. Stuff you probably even forgot about is in there.

Karry: Did you send a copy for Chip Caray to review? I’m sure he’d give you a nice quote for the dustjacket.

Andy: Chip is not treated kindly in that book. In addition to the article on the Chip Caray Terror alert, our open letter to him is in there and he gets ripped in every single Cubs report. If he wasn’t such a complete wanker, I’d kind of feel sorry for him. But I don’t.

Karry: What would the book have been called if the Cubs had won the pennant?

Andy: I think you’ll find out in 2004.

Karry: You were going to call it the “Anti-Cubs” weren’t you? Come on, I know you were. You were pretty proud of that stupid little saying.

Andy: I think it will still apply. I’m just delusional enough to think that 2003 was just the start for the Cubs. They certainly are acting like it. The National League is just kind of out there waiting for them to grab it by the throat. I hope our trailer park friends from St. Louis to Tinley Park are enjoying their last pleasant offseason. It’s the the last one for a while that they won’t find themselves under a big blue Cubs pennant.

Karry: Then why shouldn’t readers just wait for those books to come out. Why pay $18.95 to remember a bunch of losers?

Andy: Because they weren’t losers. And for the same reason you don’t buy half a set of encylopedias. Although, come to think of it, nobody buys encyclopedias anymore. You have to enjoy today. For all it’s horrific ending did to it, the 2003 Cubs season was still great. It’s worth remembering.

Karry: OK, I’ve got a copy of the book right here and it’s surprisingly nice. It’s pretty thick, it’s what 175 pages? Not bad. Nice cover. What’s with the spiral binding? Is that so I can lay it flat on the ground in the crapper when I read it whilst taking a dump? Wait, don’t answer it. That’s a pretty good idea. I’ll be right back.

Andy: Karry! Hey! Where are you going? At least turn the fan on!

Oops, They Did It Again — The 2003 Chicago Cubs, is a real book and it is actually worth a read. It’s available at the Desipio Crap Fiesta Store located at http://www.cafeshops.com/desipio. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll kiss $18.95 goodbye. Buy one for yourself, one for your favorite Cubs fan and one for a Cardinals fan. Though, you may have to read it to him.