It’s been a while since I’ve loathed, so let’s get to it. In fact, I promised I’d try and do one on Tuesday and I didn’t get to it. So, in lieu of a Dose today, here’s what you get. It ain’t much, but it’s something.
I didn’t watch Ryan and Trista’s wedding, because I’m not a woman or a gay man, but I did zip on past it with the remote three times last night. Ryan was crying all three times.
Let me repeat that, Ryan was crying all three times.
I’ve been to a wedding where the bride cried so hard on the alter she started heaving and looked like she was going to pass out. I’ve been in a wedding where the groom threw up in the bushes two minutes before we had to stumble out on the altar. But I have never been to one where the groom sobbed like that pansy, poet writing fireman did.
And to think, Ryan was the one I liked.
Speaking of that, I hear that Charlie was like a “sideline reporter” for the wedding. Ryan allowed this? What part of, “Don’t invite the guy who last banged your wife other than you” to the wedding did he not get?
So, I guess I’m loathe to admit that this made me mad.
Speaking of that, the dictionary says you can spell it l-o-a-t-h or l-o-a-t-h-e, I like it with the e myself.
I’m loathe to admit that my sister had to point out to me that I never spell separate right. I apparently always spell it seperate. But I can spell Grudzielanek, so I’ve got that going for me.
I’m loathe to admit that not only do I watch “Celebrity Poker Challenge” on Bravo, but that I find myself yelling at the dumbass celebrities who don’t know how to play poker. There may be no easier version of poker to learn than Texas Hold ‘Em, and it infuriates me to see nitwits who go on national TV (ok, national cable TV–but still) and make asses out of themselves.
A few things from the first two episodes. The best players on each show did not win. Ben Affleck, for all of his faults as a (no talent hack of an) actor, he knows his way around the casino. He did everything right and still lost to the gay, bald guy from Sex and the City. Timothy Busfield got beaten by a “look at what I pulled out of my ass” effort from Richard Schiff.
Martin Sheen was gawdawful, and it was so sweet to see David Schwimmer go down in flames on the third hand. Does anybody actually like this guy?
My friend Melissa went to Northwestern with him and said he was the biggest dick then, and that was ten years ago. Now he’s got more money than God, imagine what he’s like. Ewww.
I’m more in love with Emily Procter than I was before. She can’t play poker, but at least she’s hot about it.
It bothers me too much that the guy who plays “Ed” looks just like Ed from Barenaked Ladies.
Tom Cavanaugh “Ed”
Ed Robertson
I’m also a little jealous of Tom Cavanaugh because he gets to make out with Julie Bowen AND he has a cool action photo of himself in a Reggie Theus-era Kings jersey getting and “and one” on Justin Timberlake.
I’m loathe to admit that we really need to bring back the Babes of Desipio, don’t we?
There was Julie.
And Campbell (of course.) How could I leave my first wife off the list?
And yes, TJ, I know she’s a chain smoker. But you know what they say about women who smoke? They’ll put anything in their mouth.
How much of that was out loud?
There was Brooke Langton. Remember she got the boot when the rumor went out that she was dating Tiger Woods, but we brought her back when he bought the Swedish nanny from Jesper Parnevik.
I was going to add Ashley Williams, the babe from “Good Morning, Miami” because…well…I mean look at her
But I don’t watch the show because it sucks. So if she was a real “Desipio Babe” wouldn’t I watch the show anyway?
Can we leave Mandy Moore off?
And you all remember Jamie Sale, right? The Canadian figure skater who along with her gay boyfriend got jobbed out of the gold medal by the French judge? She’s pretty naked in FHM in January.
But is it wrong that I’m obsessed with how cross-eyed she is. She’s hot, but I get a headache just thinking about that wandering eye. Eww.
I’m loathe to admit that this morning “Stealing Harvard” was on my TiVo and had just started, so I hit the record button before I left the house. When am I going to watch that piece of crap?
I’m loathe to admit that I watched “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”. But, I didn’t like it. So I’m OK, right?
I’m loathe to admit that I laughed out loud the day that I read that Wynonna Judd got a DUI
because that night she was on CMT hosting (not making this up) The 40 Greatest Drinking Songs of All-Time. Suh-weet!
I’m loathe to admit that (gratuitous book plug alert!) on page 75 (the same page that immortalizes Juan Acevedo) of “Oops, They Did It Again: The 2003 Chicago Cubs” (on sale now at Desipio Crap Fiesta!) I admit to liking Joe Buck. But that was then. I said something to the effect that given the choice between him and Chip, I’d take Joe any day. That was the first day Joe began his non-stop barrage of lame Sammy Sosa “cork” jokes, which has since turned him into an object of derision equal to Chip. Just wanted to clear that up.
I’m loathe to admit that I hate USC and Michigan so much that I’m hoping the ground in Pasadena opens up on New Year’s Day and swallows that freakin’ stadium and everybody in it.
I’m loathe to admit that I will miss Dave Veres.
OK, I won’t miss Dave Veres, but I will miss yelling “DK 57!” at him every time he gives up another double.
I’m loathe to admit that I fully expect the Cubs to be the best team in the National League from April until the end of October in 2004. This makes me uncomfortable. But a good kind of uncomfortable.
By the way, speaking of Trista Rehn, wait, I guess she’s Trista Sutter now. Hey, is Ryan Sutter the only one not employed by the Blackhawks? Anyway, Trista is supposed to be what, 30?
If she’s 30, she’s the Albert Pujols of reality TV. She’s 35 if she’s a day.
Look at that photo. He’s going to cry again, isn’t he? What a pansy.
Pink performed at the Billboard Music Awards last night and her pants were on so low that Fox had to switch to a shot of the Billboard logo a few times during her song because they were slipping down in the front and showing her..well…pink.
I’m not going to say anything, but I think the photog saw some, too.
You’ve got to hand it to Paris, when she wants to be, she’s actually pretty.
And you two? You’re on 14:58 and counting.
Anyway, I’m sure there are more things to loathe. But I’m loathe to admit that I’m old and I need a nap.
I’m loathe to admit that I had to bartend for Schwimmer at this Jay-Z show last year, and he was a pretty nice guy.
His voice was like a dog whistle, though.
I must also come to the rescue of David Schwimmer. He is a really good guy whose main flaw is that he feels the need to be much more than he is – a sitcom actor. In short, he needs less Martin Sheen and more Charlie Sheen. Less Jason Priestly and more Ian Ziering.
I’m loath(e) to admit that, at one time, I almost liked Joe Buck. That talentless hack…
Well, the Kevin Brown/Jeff Weaver deal has been made (still pending physicals and Brown waiving his no trade clause). ESPN.com is speculating that the Dodgers could send Weaver to the Cards for JD Drew. I’d like to personally welcome Jeff & his 5.99 ERA to NL Central if this happens. Maybe he can room with Rick Ankiel. I will miss hearing the announcer saying "now starting in left field for the injured JD Drew…" though.
I’m loathe to admit that I will actually buy a book despite the inevitable heat I’ll take from my wife.
And, Andy I wasn’t the first or only guy to suggest Campbell smokes like a chimney. Just the latest. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
I can’t play poker for Sh%t but has anyone seen a worse poker face than Schwimmer has, almost completed in his pants when he had a good hand and cried when he had a poor hand. And this guy is an "actor"
I’m not actually loathe to admit it, but I quite like the lazy eye look.
First, I’d like to open a Man School for guys who cry at anything other than a loved one’s death, or the Three Allowed Movies for Guy Crying (Old Yeller, Brian’s Song, Field of Dreams).
Schwimmer? I always laugh at him on "Friends". Can you imagine a whiny dinosaur geek getting this type of top-shelf action in real life? He’d be pining over chicks that look like Velma on "Scooby-Do".
Finally, Jamie Sale’s eye thing isn’t as creepy to me as Lucy Liu’s…
Forklift, I don’t even think F.O.D. is allowable to cry at. Brian’s Song I’ll give you but F.O.D.???
I couldn’t agree more with forklift. If you don’t cry (a manly cry) at the end of Field of Dreams, you’re un-American.
But, it’s manly to cry at the end of a football game, right?
This morning one of the FM stations sports breaks reported that Deron Williams broke this jaw last week. Anybody know if this is true? None of the "sports" stations are reporting it (just giving the score of the game), so I wasn’t sure. If it is true, WSCR & ESPN are proving themselves to be a total joke. How can you not report the one newsworthy item from a total blowout game?
Field of Dreams? That’s got to be one of the most boring/overrated movies ever. I’d cry if somebody told me I had to watch it again.
He broke it, alright. Ouch.
CT, I’ll admit it’s no "From Justin To Kelly" – but c’mon, the "Dad, wanna have a catch?" line doesn’t leave a dry eye in the house.
A few things. Jamie Sale had replaced Shania Twain as my Canadian girlfriend a long time ago. It’s about time someone took almost naked pictures of her. Costner is a hack and almost ruins Field of Dreams. Almost. (sob, sob). I would also like to add the breaking of an appendage to forklift’s list. Seeing your lower leg flop around like a fish out of water is a valid excuse to weep.
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Joe, very few films can reach the cinematic quality of "From Justin to Kelly". I prefer "The Natural" to FOD (although it doesn’t make you cry). Is it okay to cry when I watch "Rudy"? That little guy had such heart…
Hey, I was 5 foot nothin, and weigh a hundred and nothin and I didn’t cry….
Rudy, I’m pretty sure you cried at some point during the movie…I think when your friend died in the steel mill explosion.
CT, you’re just putting the plug in for Rudy because he went to Joliet Catholic.
I cried after Rudy when I realized that the already annoying Notre Dame fans now had one more stupid legend story to tell while defending their self-fellating, overrated football program.
Let’s hear the one about Dan Devine and the green jerseys again…homos.
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JL, dammit, I can’t believe you remembered that. I’m busted. Seriously though, I can’t decide if Rudy is an idiot or a genius. He played 2 plays in one college football game, and then made a career out of telling the story over and over, until finally somebody made it into a movie. That movie was the biggest thing to happen to Joliet since they openned the state prison.
I agree CT, but I think the prison might be even more overrated than Rudy.
You want to really punish someone? Contractually obligate them to spend their Sundays from August through January with Jeff Joniak and Hub Arkush while watching the Bears run John Shoop’s offense.
Field of Dreams is a chick flick. It’s David Schwimmer’s second favorite movie right after "My Best Friend’s Wedding." If you cried during FOD, you definitely tivoed "Biography: Scott Hamilton"
Hey Hobbs,
Admit it. Stealing Home is your favorite baseball movie.
CT, I remember because I went to JC as well! As for Rudy I have a buddy whose dad worked with him. Said he was basically lazy and useless. Plus you would think that when he sold his story he could have at least ensured that they got JC’s school colors correct in the movie or maybe a shot of the victory light somewhere in it.
Hey don’t knock My Best Friend’s Wedding! Julia Roberts’ friend’s new father-in-law is not-so-loosely based on me.
Of course does that make me weird for lusting after Cameron Diaz (my movie daughter)?
If you’d excuse me, I need to help my partner Jerry and our friend Kenny locate some bullpen help. We have some large guy with six fingers and six toes in mind.
Hey Domers,
take it somewhere else. No one here cares about Rudy, Knute, Lou or any of the other ND traditions. They suck and will continue to suck for years and years.
"Stealing Home" isn’t even a sports movie you gay porn lord. And to answer your question "Bad News Bears" is my favorite baseball movie. And yes, it’s ok to cry when Lupus makes the big catch.
The victory light is nothing but a phallic symbol.
Of course, maybe I should shut up. Of the three Carmelite schools in Illinois, we were the only ones not to win a state title this year!
Hey Tanner Boyle,
Bad News Bears is a friggin Disney movie. Get a sack. Don’t worry though your wife tivoed Barney for you today. Everything will be ok
The two movies that always make me cry are "Field of Creams" and "Brian’s Schlong."
I really hope you are indeed Frank Lenti, Frank Lenti.
Because if you took a high school football coach as your chatroom handle…well that’s just pathetic.
I have actually grown a sack since that movie, Seffredi and I’m ready to kick your ass.
Once I comb my hair and stop picking my boogers.
Yeah, Bad Santa’s a Disney movie too.
Bad Santa might be a little more wholesome though, than a flick about a drunk, pool cleaning Little League coach who keeps open flasks of Whiskey in the car while hauling kids around town, who gets Chico’s Bail Bonds to sponsor the team and recruits a female spitball artist who will grow up to do lines of coke with John McEnroe in between trysts in the sack with him.
Don’t forget the Bears’ star player Kelly Leak. He changed his name, moved to Canada, picked up basketball, and now stars at point guard for the Mavericks.
I will tell you what was the worst movie with a baseball ending: Taking Care of Business. Other than the fact it featured the talentless Jim Belushi, it was completely implausible.
No way would Mark Grace take me deep in the ninth inning of a World Series game in the early 90s. First, if it was Andre Dawson, even Ryne Sandberg, I’d say, OK, I’ll buy it. But not Grace. Second, there’s no way I’d be pitching that deep in a World Series Game at that stage in my career. Finally, California was a horrible club in the early 90s.
Bert, I’m sure that the two other people in the entire world who saw that movie would agree with you. Thanks for sharing.
Look at me, I’m Seffredi! I’ve stolen his chat room handle!
Roy, I think your estimate for the number of people who’ve seen "Taking Care of Business" is a little high. I never heard of that one before, was it based on the song of the same name?
It’s not nice to post under another man’s name (or chat room handle).
But is this a chat room?
Ever see "Taking Care of Jizzness?"
I do some of my best work…
Quick Dolan, get a new Dose up, will ya? This one’s become a runaway train.
I hope all of you smart asses bought Andy’s book.
Obviously, none of you ever watched the stupid movie ads that aired during the 1990 or 1991 Cubs season starring me and Mark Grace. The commercial, in which I chase Mark Grace into Wrigley Field and threaten to beat him senseless with a bat unless he apoligized for the 1989 playoffs, was far funnier than the movie.
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/TakingCareofBusiness-1029945/preview.php
Sorry, the Dose will return as scheduled on Monday. Until then, enjoy the white tiger act of Seffredi and Roy.
Dammit Frank, everywhere I go, there you are. Well, we’ve got more titles than you now!
Hey Dan and Frank… can we get in on this fight as well?
there you guys go again with the highschool crap. quit it already. I know that you have fond memories of your days as water/towel boys for Mt. Carmel and Joliet Catholic…And then there was of course the remote controlled vehicles club in the off-season. Crazy days
Matt? Matt Morris? Is that you posting as Seffredi again? I know a turd in the punch bowl when I see one!
No man, its just me Frank Lenti Jr. I have absolutley no talent but my dad still says I’m the greatest white wide receiver he’s ever seen. I remind him of Steve Largent- only better. I guess he has to say that so that he can go on living his dreams through me.
The best wide receivers in the world are in Park Ridge! And they’re all white!
We’re the airborne Hawks of Maine South! We can’t be stopped! We throw the ball 100 times a game! We run up the score on Waukegan and Glenbrook South and Warren and we’re awesome!
Just don’t put a heavy rush on us, like Lockport did.
There’s nothing good about Park Bench except that bowling alley. Oh yeah, and it’s proximity to the new O’Hare Scores.
Just wait til you get to college Davey Boy. All the chicks you can handle bro…
Unless you’re gay like Frankie Jr. down in Urbana Champaign.
I didn’t know Rob Goldman was allowed to access the internet from jail, but I think he’s been posting. Be careful if one of these guys asks for pictures of your kids.
David Inserra is our coach. I’m the QB who Bob Sakomoto talks up in the Trib, but I crapped all over myself in the playoffs.
There is one good thing about Park Ridge: Hillary’s gone.
And I’m an idiot who doesn’t know a damn thing about high school sports. I do love Frank Lenti Sr., though.
Hey Sako, I’m probably just as big a buffoon as you are. Actually, I’m physically a bigger buffoon.
Hey, are we talking about high school coaches that Sefreddi lusts over?
Or are we back to forgettable moments in Notre Dame history?
there you domers go again. NOTRE DAME football is over. Name the last talented player to come out of Notre Dame.
ND football is Tier #2 now. I mean I honestly think they were recruiting Frankie Jr.
I was the last guy to make a major impact on a championship team to come out of Notre Dame!
Belush’ – I remember Gracie was wearing those crappy road unis in the commercial, light blue/gray.
If you don’t cry at the end of FOD, then you need to have your baseball glove taken from you.
Waterworld is a different story.
Dolans book is crapptastic…..I’ve wiped my ass each day this week with it…bunch of rehashed bullshit that fell out of his head from the past…nothing like barfing and then licking it up….Merry Christmas….buy the book!
Uh, I’m not a huge Notre Dame fan (unfortunately, I follow Illinois football) but they’ve had 23 guys drafted in the last 3 years. That seems pretty good to me.
idiot, is that you Chip?
Hey CT, name one of those 23 who starts at a skill position on offense. I’m waiting…
It’s not exactly Tim Brown and Jerome Bettis in South Bend anymore.
Notre Dame is over.
Strong venom for a program that is apparently finished forever.
I had to take a leak after "Waterworld"…
Sorry Seffredi, hope you weren’t waiting for me to answer. That the guys were drafted is just an indication that Notre Dame still has some talent. I don’t believe I called them a powerhouse. Of course you’re right. Once a school’s football team has some off years, they never get good again. I mean look at Oklahoma, they haven’t done anything since Switzer left. Anyway, Seffredi, you are a football genius, and I’m sure you were a great player at whatever welding school you graduated from.
The centre of me is always and eternally a terrible pain. by online poker