Florida State (17-9), Oklahoma (16-7), Seton Hall (16-7), and Florida (15-8) look as if they’ll all fall short of the 20-win milestone…but despite what you may hear, they have nothing to worry about and don’t qualify as true “bubble” teams.

This time of year every pre-game, halftime and post-game is dominated by bubble-talk (i.e. who’s in, who’s still got work to do to get in, and who’s screwed). The problem is there’s no telling just how big the bubble is in any given year until after the conference tournaments start to shake out. Let’s say a team like Gonzaga, one that’s already achieved enough in the regular season to receive an NCAA Tournament invite, fails to reach the finals of the West Coast Conference—quite simply that’s one less ‘at-large’ team that’s going to be on the outside looking in. So if you root for a school that’s played a weak non-conference schedule, has a sub-500 conference record, and notches at least one loss in their last three games—you should also be rooting for every favorite to win their conference’s automatic bid.

Outside the power conferences that deserve to send multiple teams to the big dance this year (see: ACC, Big 12, Big East, Conference-USA, SEC), here’s a couple of match-ups that bubble teams must see come to fruition during Championship Week in their respective tourney finals:

America East- St. Joseph’s vs. Dayton
Big 10- Michigan State vs. Illinois (or Wisconsin)
Mid-American- Western Michigan vs. Kent State
Missouri Valley- Creighton vs. Southern Illinois
Mountain West- Air Force vs. Utah
West Coast Conference- Doesn’t matter as long as Gonzaga wins…

But for some teams it’s not nearly as complicated and doesn’t involve wishing ill will towards others. There are any number of teams with RPI’s in the danger zone of the 30’s and 40’s that still control their own destinies, and simply have to win to get in. Tuesday night, in what was a buzzer-beating triple-header, three legitimate bubble teams did just that.

In order to put their accomplishments and remaining objective in even simpler terms, I’ve accompanied each with a parallel babe. You’ll see…

When you think about Missouri and when you think about CBS’ Jill Arrington (actually now on the way to ESPN after having a $200,000 salary demand rejected) a couple of the same thoughts come to mind. Great hair, awesome, yet unappreciated frontcourt. But, year after year each looks much better on paper than what they’re physically able to accomplish in a single season. Much like Quin Snyder’s Tigers, Jill often finds herself settling for a 5th place finish. Constantly looking up at the likes of Suzy Kolber, Bonnie Bernstein, and hell after a few pitchers even Doris Burke starts to look appealing. At least Doris is in your living room a couple of times a week. While Jill’s like that fictional-out-of-state-too-good-to-be-true-‘girlfriend’ your buddy met on line that he promises is going to visit real soon. “She’s real I tell ya—you’ll see!!!”

Maybe now that Jill’s joined the ESPN/ABC family we’ll be seeing a little more of her, and now that it’s nearly March you’re likely to finally see the intended version of this year’s Tigers. After 5 seasons, Quin still hasn’t quite figured out that you can’t start the season with your team on auto-pilot and wait until late February to manually take the controls. Yet that’s exactly where Missouri once again finds themselves. There are a couple of excuses for this team’s mediocrity in the early going I suppose. An NCAA investigation is certainly distracting, albeit self-inflicted. Neither freshman Spencer Laurie nor ju-co transfer Randy Pulley was able to adequately man the point guard position. VMI transfer Jason Conley didn’t join the team until December, and then had to ease himself in to a veteran roster—and now finds himself assuming a portion of the point role. Lithuania’s Linas Kleiza dislocates his shoulder on his way to a Big 12 freshman of the year campaign. But now, finally with their backs against the wall—-seniors Arthur Johnson, Ricky Paulding and Travon Bryant have stopped waiting around for others to contribute and have at least attempted to play up to their potential.

Oklahoma State is a really, really good basketball team and still deserving of a 2 seed despite losing to Missouri in double-overtime. I didn’t even have a problem with the court being stormed afterwards, though someone should probably tell Travon Bryant laying on your back isn’t the smartest way to celebrate when thousands of drunken students are headed your way. Travon’s stupidity wasn’t contained to the post-game. With the Tigers up nine with 3:09 to go in regulation, two consecutive fouls and one turnover committed by Bryant, assisted the Cowboys towards a two point deficit with less than a minute running off the clock.

The Tigers should feel fortunate to have won their 14th game of the season, and can now at least sniff the RPI’s bottom 30’s. They’ve got roadtrips to K-State and Texas Tech, before hosting Kansas in the season finale—and they’re seemingly getting each team on a timely downswing. With a top 10 schedule and decent finish, they may only have to win two of three, and a Big 12 tournament first round game to be an 11 or 12 seed no one wants to see.

Alabama is another team with a top 10 schedule, in fact it’s the most difficult schedule in the nation. The Crimson Tide learned their lesson from the tournament committee last season, and like Missouri won their 14th game of the season on the road at Auburn last night. Most college basketball fans outside the SEC would have a hard time naming one player from Alabama’s roster—not unlike Miss Amanda Swisten. You may not have known the name before, but you’ve definitely remembered her from her bachelor party french maid role in American Wedding and you’ll see her next as one of Elisha Cuthbert’s pornstar friends in The Girl Next Door. Who gives a damn about type-casting with a body like that?

Kennedy Winston is the man of the moment, basically putting the Tide on his back the last two games averaging 29 points and 9 rebounds during must-win road games at Mississippi State and Auburn. They’re now 6-7 in conference and should finish with at least a .500 record with two home games (Ole Miss and Mississippi State) and one winnable road game (Arkansas) remaining.

Finally, we started Tuesday evening off with a team that’s easy to forget about. At least this year. Much like Jennifer Love Hewitt’s career you sometimes just need to be reminded that she’s still alive and instantly you can remember the good times and recognize her potential. Even though they stumbled early and often on their way through a top 20 schedule Tom Izzo’s Spartans are still a tough out on any given day. Unlike Alabama and Mizzou, the Spartans sit atop their conference standings with an 11-3 record and with 16 victories overll and a layup against Penn State followed by hosting Wisconsin for the season finale—you have to think they’re already in as the Big Ten regular season champ. At least they’re on much more solid ground having taken care of the conference season then a lot of other teams.

In any case, we’ve learned that there’s still some work to be done before the brackets are seeded, and even though this column will stay Britney-free for the remainder of 2004—-you’ll be in good hands.

In the event you weren’t like me and able to also sneak in a little Real World on top of the hoops hysteria, you missed more of the same. Frankie is still a camera-hogging, illogical freak that suffers from convenient “groggy” memory losses that allow her to cheat on her boyfriend Dave without feeling completely accountable, and ol’ Dave proved equally freaky last night when he instructed Frankie to go outside and look at the moon and know that he was looking at the same one. I’d say what a dope, except that Frankie proved even dopier when she needed help finding the moon. Alright, so it was a little cloudy—she’s still a dope.

Even though she’s already been locked up and proven she can’t handle her liquor without resorting to some form of verbal or physical assaults on her roommates or mostly-innocent passersby, Randy thinks 23-year-old Robin should be a “role model” for innocent, 19-year-old Cameran. Robin failed her mentor duties when she stranded Cameran in the club with some sleazeball with a taste for nose candy. To make a long story short, Cameran freaked out, Brad got mad, Robin smacks Brad a couple of times while defending her actions, Brad gets more mad, Robin cries, Brad and Robin make up. Ugh.

But still, it’s a helluva lot better than Paris…