Pitchers:
St. Louis: Woody Williams 1-4, 4.69
Cubs: Glendon Rusch, 1-0, 5.25
Lineups:
Cardinals
Somebody Luna, 2b
Edgar Renteria, ss
Albie Pujols, Sr., 1b
Scott Rolen, 3b
Lassie, cf
Reggie Sanders, rf
So Terrible, lf
Mike Matheny, c
Woody Williams, p
Cubs:
Todd Walker, 2b
Mike Barrett, c
Moises Alou, lf
E-ramis Ramirez, 3b
Todd Hollandsworth, rf
Derrrek Lee, 1b
Corey Patterson, cf
Ramon Martinez, ss
Glendon Rusch, p
A-Rod on his relationship with Michael Young.
"We had plenty of long nights when we picked up each other, and plenty of flights when we leaned on each other."
First Edmonds, then Clettitte, now this? They going to make Mike Piazza the biggest hetero in the game soon.
Chirp, Chirp…
Glendon Rusch, we meet for the first time. Let’s do this again soon.
The wind’s blowing out!!!
Bartman!!!
Albert Pujols is great!!!
Sammy and his corked bat!!!
Did I miss any?
Andy,
Do you think Chippy aspires to be Joe Buck?
There seems to be a similar amount of smarm throughout each of their broadcasts.
Walker, good to see you again.
Sneeze, Barrett, sneeze!
We’re doing a segment on Cardinals’ gold glovers. Chip Caray was a contributor. (Fear the Cardinals’ bullpen!)
I should be playing, the Genius would’ve had Woody Williams intentionally walk me. No flyout like Barrett
Oh for a long one!
Did we just score without a home run??
"If you can’t get up for a series like this, you can’t get up." Eh, hint-hint, nudge-nudge!
How would you prefer I end this rally?
Grounder to short or third?
I guess this is one of those "pad my stats" days.
I guess this is one of those "pad my stats" days.
Thanks for the wind!
Thanks for Edmonds trying to make the highlight catch instead of just going to get the ball
There’ll be a heavy bit of rain coming around … well, right after the 2nd out of the top of the fifth. All this offense means nothing, thanks be to Mother Nature.
Check out the crap I wrote in the Tribune today. You will not laugh once nor will you learn anything of value. It’s amazing I get paid for mailing in this drek.
"Let me eat some balls" Yes I really said that.
"The wind is up there saying, ‘Let me eat some balls.’" Hear that Chip and Edmonds?
My diabetes has destroyed my mind, too. I repeat myself.
Yes, I think Chip aspires to be Joe Buck. At least without the hairpiece.
How can Lassie complain about that strike three?
Well, he can "bitch" about anything, I suppose.
Dear Mr. Downey,
Mailing crap like that is a federal offense. Expect a knock on your door within the hour. Pack some soap on a rope.
Love,
USPS
I return to the bullpen, bitches!
Hold on, I have to tie my red shoe.
Tim is recalling the great Eric Davis years in St. Louis. I remember them most for his extensive DL stints.
Good times.
Hold on, Mr. Umpire. *click* There’s no place like home, *click*
there’s no place like home.*click*
I own the Cardinals!
Well, it’s a lease with an option to buy, but you know what I mean.
Who wants to bet I lead off the second with a homer?
Anybody?
Well, since no one would be on base, that’d be very appropriate.
"Mike Remlinger took the ‘red eye’ back to Chicago?"
How can I get some of that?
"A writer in the Sun-Times or Tribune…I forget which one…"
Does it matter? They all suck.
Hope you all appreciated my one-inning appearance. I sneezed, though, and think I’m going to take the rest of the game off.
Have we had a foul ball down the left field line yet so Joe and Tim can show that fresh Bartman tape?
I can hardly wait.
The wind is back! And it pushed Mike Matheny’s pop up all the way to SHALLOW left. Ooh!
Glendon Rusch, wearing 33, reminds me of Lance Dickson.
Oh, wait he’s already made the third inning. Never mind.
And what the f@#$ is a Hector Luna?
Sorry guys!
Wow, I am so gay.
I just said that Mike Matheny has "rugged Marlboro Man good looks" and "Matt Lauer hair."
Well, his offense is as dead as the Marlboro man.
OK, so that was my ball. I just decided to quit on it early.
Here we are, doing our Atlanta Braves collision impression.
Come on Walker, you pussy! You’re supposed to get out there and slam into Corey!
If Hollandsworth is hurt, who do I use out there? Goodwin? Macias? Zambrano? Bako?
Voice from the bench (Dubois!)
Who? Jackson! Get ready!
Call me up, coach! I’m ready!
I was just clutching my arm in pain as a ruse! Ha, fear me, Williams!
I’m going to look at 3 strikes, okay?
I mean, 4 balls!
Hey, Corey.
Reporting that it has stopped raining here.
Reporting that if Corey thinks he’s ever getting back to the #2 spot, he’s got another thing coming.
STREAKS AND NOTES: Cardinals – 3B Rolen is 3-for-17 in his career against LHP Rusch. … Right-handed batters are hitting .320 against RHP Williams this season. … SS Edgar Renteria is hitting .481 (13-for-27) in his career against LHP Rusch. Cubs – OF Todd Hollandsworth is hitting .429 (6-for-14) with two home runs and four RBIs in his career against RHP Williams. … 3B Ramirez is just 5-for-28 (.179) in his career against RHP Williams
Hey, what’s the score?!?!?!?
6-1 Cubs
HELLO!
# 18 in your Program, but..
# 1 in your hearts
Can we upgrade Moises Alou’s corpse from decaying to something else?
Who knew?
Hahahaha…3 strikeouts. I own you, Edmonds.
I’m not accurate to the plate OR first.
Look what happens when you get on base. And the Cardinals forget how to throw and catch.
Screw this, I’m going to start tomorrow night, too.
Where are the Pat shitting jokes?
Hey, look at me, I’m still in the big leagues. But man do I ever suck.
I just sharted. It’s not as gooey as you’d think.
With Ty Pennington yesterday and this guy today, I’ve just been back-to-back jacked.
Joe Buck can’t figure out why Cardinals fans like Whitey Herzog more than TLR, even though Tony’s got a better winning percentage with the Cardinals.
Well, let’s see:
Whitey won a World Series and got them to another one.
Tony blew a 3-1 NLCS lead in his best chance. (Remember that when Cardinals fans go all ‘Bartman’ on you).
Plus, Whitey was cool in a gruff, assholey kind of way. Tony’s just out to have hair like Fabio and neuter your dogs.
If you think my hat is a mess, you should see my underwear! Wow.
Mike Lincoln of the Cardinals has a sore elbow. The Cubs say he’s got a torn ligament, but the Cubs are lying!
Crazy Julian! Get that fastball away from my grill, or you’ll have a bat sticking out of your rectum!
What are grinning at Edmonds?
You can’t hit my melon, buddee.
According to Joe Buck, Julian Tavarez’s hat was ejected from a game against the Phillies because it had ‘a brown stain on it’.
My underwear have been thrown out of today’s game.
That duck better be careful in centerfield with Jim Edmonds around.
God, that duck has a nice ass.
Does that duck in the outfield know just how dangerous it is to be that close to Edmonds?
Edmonds is my friend!
I just said, "That duck has found a home in the outfield, and a friend in Jim Edmonds."
Jim, you should try the egg sack. That’s how I lost my cherry.
How many more times do we have to type the word "duck" before google starts putting ads on the page that have to do with ducks?
Sorry Duck, You’re not my type. Not enough legs.
Come hang out with me next inning, Duck.
My decaying 85 year old corpse is sitting on second.
Glendon Rusch deserves a standing ovation. I’ll give him one. Ah shit, where are my legs.
Commercial break story:
Walking to my car after the game yesterday, this black Chevy Tahoe comes flying around a corner and just about hits me. I’m like, "What the hell?", and then I see the license plate: Cubs 10. My God, I was almost killed by Ron Santo. Maybe then they’d make a "This Old Cub II" about his life as a girlfriend in prison.
All right, I’m on FOX! This is some reality show where 20 chicks fight over me, right?
Look how friggin fat I am
Whee, I’m hitting!
What the hell am I trying to do, dreadlocks?
On the Farns: "He’s just got great hair"
I was just payed thousands of dollars for pitching one throw.
Yikes!
Why bother to pinch hit for The Farns with Damian Jackson? Farns can strike out just as well as Damian.
I wish I was working today so I could say, "Luna hits a moonshot!"
I think I just said Walker’s dating Cinderella’s twin sister?
Isn’t it great we did yesterday’s game? I love it when the Cardinals win!
Wow, how do you keep the skin on your ball sac so taut?
Intrepid reader# 92: Joe Buck
I think I just said Walker’s dating Cinderella’s twin sister?
Nope, I said that. Aren’t I clever and weird?
My commercial is on, buddy
I need to be pitching with a six run lead.
Cubs in Kerry Wood starts 4-3.
Cubs in Kerry Wood’s missed starts, 2-0.
Who needs the bum?
Sh*t, I get to pitch the 9th F*cking inning, bitch!
I love the face high fur ball!
OK, Dusty bitches when people complain about why he didn’t remove Mitre yesterday sooner.
Rusch pitches 7 2/3 great innings.
And then he manages a 6 run lead against the bottom of the Cards lineup like it’s a 1 run lead.
WTF?????
Whee! I’m playing catch in the bullpen!
The Farns’s Hair dresser does my hair
Why don’t you go back to fourth place now and just be quiet?
Hmm?
We just got our asses handed to us by Glendon Rusch?
It’s a proud day for us.
BOO YAH!
We need something to propel us through the rest of the year.
Any volunteers to be found dead in your hotel room tomorrow morning?
DK 57!
Great performance by Rusch!
Every day in the next month that you let us stay within four games (it’s 0.5 right now) is a day you’ll regret as we blow by you in the second half.
Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
That’s the best performance by Rusch since the Roll Your Bones tour.
I don’t think I’ll be starting when Kerry comes back.
i’ve said it once and i’ll say it again- todd hollandsworth needs to be in that lineup. that guy makes things happen. him and the farns need to go to the barbershop though. i think farns thinks he’s samson and that hair will guide him to his happy place.
props to glendon rusch. that guy is getting the job done-i don’t know how, but these scrubs are for you cubs fans.
Andy, I know I’m getting old and senile. But, I could swear I took the Cardinals to TWO other World Series.
Hey Edmonds, what are you planning on doing with that duck?
Edmonds, you’re dispicable!!!