The Cubs announced yesterday that on Friday they’ll bring some mope up from AAA to pitch on Friday against the mighty Pirates. Yes, the same Pirates who pantsed the Cubs in Pittsburgh last Friday and Saturday.
Whoever this new guy is, he’d better be good. How else is he going to be able to stop Rob Mackowiak?
The new guy has only pitched in three games this season, and has yet to go as many as six innings. What kind of a wuss are calling up? So whoever Mark Prior is, he’d better be good.
I’ve been receiving e-mails the past few weeks, and a couple this past weekend, wondering where all of the venom from Cubs fans is coming from about this team. It’s one thing to have fun ripping on Jim Edmonds’ dog fetish, or the gay love between the Clettittes or the Beeges, but why all of the bile for the Cubs?
I’ll admit I probably started some of it. I don’t like Gabor Bako and find it infuriating that he still has a job (and yes, I know he got three hits yesterday, his next hit is scheduled for July 21 at Cincinnati). But I’ll tell you where the anger and rancor started.
It started in the eighth inning of Game Six last year. The Cubs were thisclose to finally giving all of us what we wanted. We just want a pennant before we die, and it was five outs away with nobody on and The Franchise on the mound. It might never get that close again.
The Cubs did nothing wrong in the offseason, and this team is loaded. The projected opening day roster for the Cubs is the best team in the National League. We have yet to actually see it on the field, and it’s frustrating.
Cubs fans are no longer patient. The “Wait ‘Til Next Year” crap, which was always overstated anyway, is now officially gone. To paraphrase Queen, (which seems fitting for Wrigleyville) “We want it all, and we want it now.”
But we need to relax for a minute. We need to step back and take a look at what has happened so far to the 2004 Cubs.
Their best pitcher has yet to pitch an inning.
Their best hitter has been on the DL for two weeks.
Their second best pitcher has been out since May 11.
Their closer’s ERA is better than a touchdown.
They’ve started Damian Jackson, Rey Ordonez, Jose Macias and Tom Goodwin multiple times in the same week.
The healthiest guy on the team is Moises Alou!
So how bleak is it? Are they seven or eight games out of .500? Are they six or seven games under .500? It’s June 1, and they’ll probably have to play 30 over from here on out just to sniff the Wild Card, right?
Uh…no. They’re 27-23 and in second place. They’ve played Houston and St. Louis to a standstill.
We should be thrilled they’ve played this well, with this many problems. But we’d rather find somebody to blame. So we get mad at Dusty or Corey or Derrrrek. I’m not innocent in this. I’ve been throwing things at Lee when he appears on the TV. But I’m over it.
Anybody can be negative and piss and moan about how the Cubs are always the Cubs and they’ll screw us again. Anybody can do that. Hell, even a Sox fan could figure that out.
Last year was fun because we threw caution to the wind and decided that in the face of insurmountable odds that we’d just decide to believe in the Cubs. It was dangerous and foolhardy and in the end it left us in the fetal position on the living room floor being kicked over and over again by the freakin’ Marlins.
But along the way it was fun.
Guess what? The current Cubs are actually more deserving of blind devotion. They’ve been given every opportunity to fold the tent. But every time a stake gets ripped out of the ground and rain starts to blow in, one of them trudges outside and pounds the stake back in. They just find a way to survive.
How long have we waited for a good baseball team? How many summers have we wasted watching dumbasses like Candy Maldonado and Jeff Blauser and Steve Buchele and Jaime Navarro?
The only people acting like the typical Cubs right now…are us. Take the fatalism and cram it. If the roof was going to have fallen it, it would have done it. I’m giving you permission to act like a pathetic, Cubby fan boy.
The National League had two full months to bury the Cubs and leave them for dead. They didn’t do it. The Cubs wouldn’t let them. So guess what? They get to deal with the Cubs for the next four months.
I think we might want to start enjoying it. This kind of thing doesn’t happen to us very much.
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Just how painful was Friday? It has to rank among the ten worst regular season days in Cubs history. Two ninth inning leads blown. Steve Stone pointed out that the Cubs just don’t blow ninth inning games anymore, and they managed to do it twice in the same day! Rob Mackowiak? Twice? Then he does it again the next day?
The worst part is that Mackowiak’s wife just had a baby. Instead of being a good father and being at the hospital, he was at the ballpark bashing the Cubs. I would prefer he try for father of the year instead of player of the week.
The silver lining among the horrific cloud that descended on the Cubs Friday and Saturday was The Lawnmower’s tight rope effort on Sunday. Every time the Pirates mounted a challenge, Big Z got mad and got them out. Zambrano (the anti-Clement) willed his way through trouble. He wasn’t looking down to see if anybody was warming up in the bullpen. In fact, if Carlos saw somebody warming up in the bullpen he’d have been liable to whip the ball at him.
The Cubs hit nine Pirates with pitches in four games over the weekend and the Cubs didn’t get anybody tossed. The Pirates hit one Cub and both the pitcher and Lloyd McClendon got tossed. Serves Lloyd right for being incredibly whiny all weekend.
Starting with the game on Sunday I turned down the volume on the TV and turned up Pat and Ron on the radio. I just can’t take Chip anymore. Ron and I share the same sensibilities. When Zambrano hit Craig Wilson and Wilson started yapping at Carlos, Ron went nuts. But then, so did Carlos, who almost got into a fight with Wilson and with Daryle Ward who was on second base.
But then, I remember a couple years ago when Charlie Hayes waited until he got to second base to charge the mound. Now there’s a manly move.
The Cubs win yesterday was HUGE. After losing both games in Houston last week, they couldn’t let the rednecks get them a third time. Roy Oswalt had owned the Cubs on Tuesday and he pitched great yesterday. But Greggie reminded us that he’s pretty good at this pitching the baseball stuff and outdueled him. In the end it was the scrappy hustle (scrappy–there’s a good word) of Todd Hollandsworth and a timely jack from Moises that gave the Cubs the lead. Derrrrek Lee saved the day with a great defensive play and the bullpen got the seven outs it needed. How hard was that?
Let’s do it again, today.
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Greggie left with an injury, but you wonder if he was really hurt, or if the Cubs just wanted Farns to get extra time to warm up?
The Cubs still have nine guys on the DL, but at least four of them are almost ready to come back.
The Little Possum made one bad pitch and it cost him the game. See, it happens to other teams, too.
The long wait ends on Friday. No, not Harry Potter…Mark Prior.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to engage in just the kind of pessimism that we just talked about. You don’t want to be like Jay, do you?
Get your tickets now! Gruddy’s off to Iowa. Ooh, and so is Gookie Dawkins! You can never have enough guys named Gookie.
Lee batted second yesterday.
The Wizard of Roz wants Cubs fans to calm down, too. So does Carol Slezak, but that’s just because one of them dented her Vulva. I mean Volvo. Yeah, no man’s ever dented her vulva.
Peter Gammons on who might be out there for trade this summer.
Peter King is way too optimistic about Thomas Jones.
Nice. AJ Burnett’s been out since 2002 and he’s bitching that he has to be in the bullpen. Class.
Are Telander and Slezak going to blame this on the Cubs, too?
A woman’s wig hung up a Coney Island roller coaster.
Face transplants aren’t just for bad Nic Cage movies anymore.
America’s finest news source has an interesting memo.
>Their second best pitcher has been out since May 11< I’ve spent no time on the DL, asswipe! And, in case you haven’t noticed, with Prior out, I was the best pitcher in the fuggin’ league for a while! Screw Kerry Wood and his 8-figure-contract-all-because-of-one-game. I’m better than he is by a long shot. A lose the Lawnmower name. I ain’t no green carder cutting grass in Highland Park for Mickey Segal!
Just wondering if Dave B or anyone had a chance to watch Ryan Dempster’s rehab start for the Lugnuts in Cedar Rapids yesterday?
box score: 3 IP, 3H, 1R, 1K 1BB
the CR Gazette said his fastball was "generally less than 90 mph".
oops. I neglected to mention 43 pitches, 29 for strikes.
Hmmm…I wonder if Moises Alou can reccommend a treatment for my blisters.
That’s right, Carlos.
How many postseason games did you win? I won 3 of the six the Cubs won. Prior won 2. Clement won 1.
Yaknow, if you’re gonna implore the Desipio Rhythm Nation to lose the negativity, you might want to stop running me down at every opportunity. Like it or lump it, I lead the staff in wins and am just as good as Old Man Zambrano.
Walt, seems there’s better news on Angel Guzman, who after a rough couple of outings has won his last 2 starts. He also has 20K’s in 15 innings and no walks. Oh yeah, some kid named Felix Pie won player of the week honors by going 14 for 28 with 2 homers and 9 runs scored last week.
Matt, we almost had faith in you, and then you went Rick Ankiel on us Friday. Congratulations on tying the record for most batters hit in one inning.
Charlie Hayes? Charlie Friggin’ Hayes? I was the FIRST guy to do the ole’ "attack the pitcher when his back is turned in the middle of a play" deal. And the best part? The guy that I pummeled was horse-toothed jackass Ed Farmer from Evergreen Park. AND Farmer was pitching for the Sux at the time.
Of course, my deal was getting a base hit, and then, being the altruistic, selfless player that I was, sacrificing the hit so I could run up to the mound, rather than ftoward irst base, to beat on that moron for having put me in the hospital with a beaning two years previously.
I’m dead now.
Slezak was on the Sports Central last night (WGN-AM) yesterday.
I’m glad that we were in the car, so a rusty nail file wasn’t available for me to jam into my ear listening to her whiny, horrified, condition.
Waddle, of all people, actually put her on the spot to suggest that Sun-Times "writers" pick on the evil Tribune as a sort of reflex when, in fact, the park only holds 40,000 and maybe the neighborhood and bar owners should take responsibility for the glut of people around the park.
(Granted, Waddle’s a Tribune employee but because he’s a former pro athlete, doesn’t have to worry so much about journalstic integrity).
Anyway, amid 1,000,000 stammers and stutters, Carol was forced to basically admit that, gee, well her fellow homeowners junta and their friendly, enterprise-minded tavern owners may be more responsible for the area and, in fact, that Tribco would PREFER a safer atmosphere around the park as being better for business.
Of course we’ve known this all along, that Tribune would probably prefer to have the streets clear (they profit from the rooftops, but not from the sale of beer at all of the bars), than have any violence erupt anywherer NEAR their park, but, of course, such a realization would spoil this hackette’s agenda.
For a dumb jock to shoot holes through little Miss Trixie’s righteous indignation just proved how inept and insulated she really is.
Yes, I did get to see Dempster pitch in CR yesterday. He gave up several hard-hit balls, but the breaking stuff looked good. The fastball was so-so at best. They were very strict on his pitch count and he left after three innings. I’d say this guy is still a month or so away, and I wouldn’t count on him being a fill-in starter this season.
I was also in Des Moines for the Prior re-hab start Sunday afternoon. It was definitely a circus atmosphere, but I thought he looked fine. He did give up two HRs, including a bomb in the second inning. However, the wind was howling out and they didn’t come close to touching any of his breaking stuff. I spoke with the parents of a current Cubs minor leaguer who said Prior sprung for $2,500 worth of Outback Steakhouse catering for the I-Cubs players.
As the Oklahoma City player were filing off the field, my buddy said "Look, a mini-Sosa". Sure enough, a check of the roster shows that former Cub great (and steroid-toter) Manny Alexander is on the OKC squad.
It just isn’t programmed in my genetic makeup to be a patheic Cubbie Fan Boy.
I’ll get giddy when they raise an actual NL pennant over Wrigley Field. And not one second before.
patheic – new word, just like "pathetic", only more so, ’cause it’s mis-spelled.
I noticed something yesterday, when I was out running errands. With the Memorial Day holiday, none of the Score’s regulars were on yesterday, and the station was somewhat listenable. I was hoping this would lead to mass firings, but unfortunately, Murph and Fred were back on again this morning.
Andy,
Agree with you on Thomas Jones. I still don’t see the sense in that move, but hey, maybe he’ll work out (In the CFL that is) sometime.
On the anger towards the Cubs, I really don’t know why it is stronger than ever this year. I guess your theory is a good one, but I also wonder if the fans got so into last year’s playoff games that they get all up for these regular season games. Then, if the Cubs look bad, the fans react as if they are doing it in a playoff game rather than a game in May. That’s just what I think…
Hey Dave B.
I live in OKC and go see the Redhawks when they play the baby Cubs. Yes baby Sosa is the starting SS for Oklahoma. Guess there’s no room for him in Arlington. Was baby Sarge up there in Iowa with OKC or did he make it to Arlington?
The highs are much higher and the lows are much lower.
Consider Friday night. I thought things could not get any worse and that this was the part of the season where the wheels come off the bandwagon (cue photo), turning into another miserable slog through the summer.
Then, Sunday came and the team remembered how to hit, how to hit other players and how not to get swept. Add in Monday’s effort and the return of a certain talented right-hander and suddenly — Holy mood swing, Batman! — this team cannot be stopped.
— Page Two —
No rally is too implausible, no 9th inning lead is too safe and no retread is too ridiculous to bat 7th in the lineup.
This is a totally different mindset now.
Not to go on, but the turning point to all of this madness was the last Saturday of the year DH sweep against the Pirates coupled with the Astros failure. That was the best day of baseball you or I will ever experience outside of a World Series. That was the day that the Cubs stopped being "the Cubs" and turned into something we’re still struggling to comprehend.
But, hey, it’s fun trying.
Good day.
…after a posting hiatus, I’m still an assclown…
When am I going to post another article so everyone can urinate all over it?
Urinate?
Hey Kerry:
Two things. First, I was talking about *this year* when I said I was the best player in the fuggin’ league.
As to your playoff record, whom, praytell, was quoted as saying he "choked" in the biggest game this franchise played in since October 1984?
Yeah, it was you, you Texas pussy. You pitch like both Nuke LaLoosh and your fellow Texan who runs Iraq: Kinda all over the place.
I had the first crack at winning the pennant and lost.
I also had a 5.73 ERA in the NLCS.
Of course Kerry’s was over seven.
But Kerry’s two NLDS appearances before ’98 and last year he had ERAs of 1.80 and 1.76.
hey Desipiolonianites!
What’s a Missouri girl say during her first sexual experience?
"Stop it, Daddy, yer crushin’ mah cig’rettes"
I wasn’t exactly having a miserable season so far, either, Carlos. With all due respect to what you’ve done this season (and last season, too), I AM the second-best pitcher on the team.
Yeah, I choked. But I also came up big in the three other games.
You were useless in the playoffs.
Oh, so we’re going to get cute now aren’t we with this critical crap?
I’ll tell you when I’m going to submit my next article: When I get to writing it. I’ve been unable to get enough time to get around to writing one the past couple weeks. I hope I can get back to my one a week schedule in a week or two but until then I probably won’t be writing one.
Yikes.
I tried my damnedest, but I couldn’t get tossed. I was going to urinate on the umpire, but I was worried that Alou would run out and join the pissing party.
KW:
I’ll agree to this — you are the second best pitcher on the team’s DL.
See you in 3 weeks. Then back to the DL with your "bad since high-school back" a few weeks later?
LLoyd, I would not have joined in on the peeing, but I would have lent you a hand.
Wink, wink.
Hey, I just had the Tommy John surgery last June. I won’t have my velocity back until next spring training. But I can throw some junk out of the bullpen if you need me too. I’ll do anything to get out of Lansing, or Des Moines or wherever the hell I am.
Una cosa mas:
Since you admit that you weren’t having, "a miserable season so far, either," taht means you admit you weren’t as good as me this year.
And that’s what I’m sayin’!
Yeah, I sucked last year in the playoffs. This year is all that matters now. Only cowards and losers live in the past.
You can quote me on that last line.
There’s a lot of baseball left, Charlie. It’s bad karma to get too cocky with 4 months to go.
Personally, I don’t think this Zambrano kid will ever amount to anything.
Well, guess it’s time to go out to the barn and shovel some more horseshit.
Shovel it on Kerry’s arm. Dunno if he’ll go for the salsa type stuff they used to put on mine.
Carlos, Kerry, you guys are both great pitchers…and when I get to spring training next year, you can argue over who’s 3rd best.
Explain to me how we can possibly lose this year with guys named Gookie, Glendon and Gabor in the organization? Come on, it’s in the bag!!
Mew.