Pitching matchup:
St. Louis: Woody Williams, 3-5, 4.71
Cubs: Matt Clement, 6-4, 3.27
Lineups:
St. Louis
Tony Womack, 2b
Roger Cedeno, rf
Lassie, cf
Scott Rolen, 3b
Ray Lankford, lf
John Mabry, 1b
Somebody Molina, c
Hector Luna, ss
Woody Williams, p
Cubs
Jose Macias, 2b
Michael Barrett, c
Moises Alou, lf
E-ramis Ramirez, 3b
Todd Hollandsworth, rf
Derrrek Lee, 1b
Corey Patterson, cf
Ramon Martinez, ss
Matt Clement, p
Womack, Cedeno, Mabry, Molina and Luna? It’s like The Genius is trying to give us this one. If we don’t win tonight…
Woof.
Wait, I think I just aroused Lassie.
A win tonight and an automatic tomorrow turns into a 4-of-5 streak and then everyone is happy.
See, it’s easy!
We have no video. Yay, us.
I would have done a cartwheel, the splits and then into a triple lutz to make that catch…
Rank amateurs…
Then again, we’re talking on one telephone.
Whoops.
We’re just camera-shy. Today we’ll be on fire!
Walker is "getting a rest" according to intrepid color man…Is that when Fat Tony asks you if you want to, ah, "take a ride?"
Ron is LYING!
I find the play of my favorite baseball squad, The Chicago National League Ball Club, quite reprehensible in the instances immediately preceding the present. Perhaps they can successfully achieve the objective of the sport in tonight;s match.
These might be some of the worst matchups since this idea came into existance:
Toronto-LA
SD-Boston
Montreal-KC
Pittsburgh-Texas
Houston-Seattle
Arizona-Baltimore
SF-Tampa Bay
Ick.
Can I bat 2nd forever?
Ohhh no no! Us transplanted Pittsburgians living in Arlington Texas have–ah who the hell am I kidding.
No video menas I can sit in Chip’s lap all night and comb his monobrow as we share one phone.
San Francisco and Tampa Bay is a natural matchup–the battle of the bays!
You know this Barrett guy reminds me of someone…speedy catcher type…hmmmmmm….
Hm, so it’s not the cameras.
Do I have to buy ESPN now?
Chip Caray and no video.
At least with a picture you can see how fucked Chip’s play-by-play descriptions are; withou video, you’re screwed.
Too bad we can’t have the video without Chip’s audio.
Coming to Chicago is like playing Tee Ball.
Start walking him intentionally. Who else in this lineup is going to hit Clement?
The way Cubs have been hitting–or not hitting to be more precise–I’m getting worn out when every time a Cub hits a shot to the outfield (instead of striking out) there’s this sudden excitement that always instantly ends with "and he makes a great catch…" or "that’ll be caught." The false hope is killing me. Meanwhile, every time an opposing teaam makes contact it leaves the yard. Maybe one day, we too could hit one of these "home runs."
Pasty, I’ll try to hit a homer for you!
Thanks Corey! Just close your eyes and swing as hard as you can.
Not like anyone is actually watching, but our game has video. AND our outstanding duck snort he gone announcers.
Chip Caray vs. Pat Hughes–let’s see who can make the best descriptions without video.
Oh, wait, I think this one is over.
Chip vs. Andy Masur.
Masur is the only person in broadcasting who makes Santo’s PBP sound good.
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Have Chip and Steve given as estimate on how long this no-video thing is going to be happening? With all of the Tribune company’s money, you’d think they could run a generator out there or something.
At least you can still watch us.
Ron Santo must have him one of them gas powered radios!
I would pay cahs money to see Steve and Chip sharing a phone. How sweet. I always wondered when they’d finally get together.
I would pay cash money to see Steve and Chip sharing a phone. How sweet. I always wondered when they’d finally get together.
I’m on the El. It’s affected by the power outage, too. We should have it up and running for the Lead-Off Man tomorrow.
Is it really necessary to resubmit your whole message, just for the sake of one typo?
How funny would it be if the video came back and Chip didn’t know it and the play he was describing was absolutely nothing like it was happening? Exposed for the fraud he is.
Honesty compels me to say that fraud would not be the only thing exposed.
Ooh, trippy camera work!
I’m sorry, but Pat’s awesome. He just gave the entire vivid details of that last putout in about 1.5 seconds and I had a clear picture of what happened. Living in Texas and hearing the PBP anti-Christ Milo Hamilton give no detail (except yelling out "Who fell asleep???!!" when an error is made) that makes Pat look like the Bill Shakespeare of radio PBP.
Something good happened! Holy hot piss!
Chip, hollering into the phone for three hours. Oh, yeah, things are getting better. Which circle of Hell is this, six or seven?
Corey took advantage of me. I feel so violated.
Can I have the ball, por favor? That’s my first hit in a long time.
Whee! Look at us run! We’ze aggressive!
…followed by something bad. I’m a fool to hope.
Me batting with RISP and two outs is not really that good a situation.
Dear "To Pasty,"
Sorry to inconvenience your catarac-riddled eyes. Will try to spel cheque in hte futire.
I sure like that one patch of grass
I gave Renteria his "flu bug". It’s actually syphillis.
Gosh, I hope Hector Luna gets a hold of one. I want to call it a Luna Moon shot! Or if he slides into home I can call it a Luna Landing!
Yes, I need to be beaten with a wet noodle.
I’m sorry for the profanity I have directed at you in the past. We got the point, as sucky as your bat cna be, you’re still no Rey Ordonez or Ramon Martinez…or Ray Mardonez.
"Encourage him to run." Just not all 270 feet.
You better believe it that Corey’s HR would’ve been a routine fly ball any other day…it almost was one still yesterday anyway without the wind…ooh ohh Pat says it’s time for some Cubs offense in the next frame. Apparently he’s got some penciled in on his day planner.
Breaking my wrist has been awesome! I get to chill on the bench, still collection my 5.5 mil and nobody bitches at me for my shitty hitting. I recommend it to the rest of the guys!
Holy Hot manure, the Cubs are out hitting the Cards. Too bad that COUNTS FOR $%&*! nothing!
I’m fooled by a pitch-out. I’m useless. Don’t blame me, though! Blame Dusty!
Don’t call me that for nothing. Plus, what’s more predictable than running on 0-1?
Hmm, I am pretty dumb. But I did hit the ball, give me my props.
Barret gets a hit! Whoohoo! Thank God Macias is on base!
I just scored on that play/error.
I could’ve scored there, if I were still on base!
I’m glad all these hits are doing us no good after the Macias gundown.
Don’t worry. In the words of Big Z, "I must kill the Cubs."
Macias is a genius. We could’ve had another bases loaded, no outs situation. Those are lethal.
I thought about sending Barrett home in between pitches…
And I meant STRAIGHT home. Right over the pitcher’s mound. They never would have expected that Jap play.
Another come-from-behind for the Chicago Cubs!
Something went our way? Not possible.
It was foul, I swear!
I have the over in this game. Fuck off.
I just converted back from aethism!
What’s this leather thing for?
When was the last time the Cubs strung together a bunch of hits like this?
Looks like those fines worked. I see you have the bad word cleaner upper in place. Another victory for the good guys.
Glad to see Rey Ordonez smiling, having a good time in the Cubs dugout…celebrating the team’s successes.
They seem to score a lot when the other team has errors
I remember a time back in ought-two when they did…
NOT the vaulted Cardinal bullpen!
I remember that too.
Like I said, when the pitcher has to spend so much time standing out on the base paths, it affects him the next inning.
RALLY KILLER
Waaa waa. LaRussa’s not a fan of parks where the weather’s a factor. He definitely belongs in a souless ashtray like Busch.
When I said I’d rather swing at pitches in the dirt than take pitches down the middle…that’s what I meant. And you thought I chose one over the other….
Can you imagine how awesome it’ll be when both Erik and I are on the big-league squad, high fiving at home plate right after we both hit back-to-back popouts, a la Griffey and son?
Great situation to hit. But then again, we have Patterson up. So it’s moot.
Hey, assholes, I actually took some pitches there. Blame Ramon!
Watch me protect…my .171 average.
Guess the bad word cleaner upper needs some fine tuning.
Down with censorship, you ****! You all are such ****-faces. Really, **** you and your pimply-***ed mom.
(This has been an attempt at humor. I really typed out the apostrophes. Hehe, please.)
Down with the censorship of my apostrophes!
Please pitch around me
Macias gets his man….rrrrrow!!!
This is an apostrophe (‘). THIS is an asterisk (*).
English. Really. God, I should be ashamed of myself.
…and this is a middle finger!
WALK ME YOU MORANS!
Really, you may want to pitch around me for this series.
Wait a minute. The Cardinals are stealing the Cubs playbook. Solo homers……
Can we have our degree back, please?
I go to University of Chicago. I’m a Sophomore with a 3.8 GPA. I’m glad I posted under an alias, otherwise my academic dean might just revoke my scholarships. Aww. =(
I go to University of Chicago. I’m a Sophomore with a 3.8 GPA. I’m glad I posted under an alias, otherwise my academic dean might just revoke my scholarships. Aww. =(
Ummmmmm
And I double post. Darn me.
Lots of people with 150 IQs who can’t dress themselves or otherwise function in the real world.
The Cubs? Really?
Who does the lighting in the FoxSports studio, Ed Wood?
"Big Blow for the Astros"
Pardon me while I heap praises on the opposing team, as I always do. I really don’t like the Cubs too much.
And some us get booed long after we’ve left the playing field and have moved into the announcing booth.
Corey Patterson from Chip and Steve or "This Old Cub" from Pat?
They should’ve let Woody stand at 1st base for a few minutes again to wear him out.
I’d like to "plug" Patterson.
Stoney gets the most plugs…if you know what I mean.
It looks natural. Really.
Woody, what we want to do here is load up the bases. That’s our best chance of getting out of this with no runs allowed.
Walk me, so we can get to some of that bases loaded magic.
Whack. Implement. Get up. Stroke. Leaving you wanting more. Can I be more "out"?
Damn I am great… for me to poop on.
2 for 3
Sox-11. Phils-6. Bottom of five.
That’s not a Pacers/Pistons score?
Oh, that would’ve been soooo funny last week.
LA-18. Detroit-16. End of 1.
Did you see me fetch Lee’s hit? I have great closing speed. At least when I’m chasing a rolling ball towards the warning track.
Here come the Cardinals? It’s ONE FUCKING hit. God, Chip, you are a dumbass.
I had to run 90 feet last inning. I’ll be worthless this inning. It’s my asthma.
I’ll give you ashtma!
God just pitch around me, why won’t you people just do that?
Hey Moises. Thanks for not even trying. I know you’re worried about your ancient arm, but I have an ERA to worry about.
Two at bats, two homers.
I’m just begging for you to hit me.
Seriously. I’m trying to tell you something here.
aah…but I have the Gold Bond Medicated Urine to handle my aches and pains
Rolen can foul off 18 and I still won’t hit him. I’m a good boy.
Hah! That’s just a loud strike.
Now the next one, that’ll just be a loud run.
I can’t help but to be a Cardinals’ fan. Look at my daddy, for God’s sake.
Am I your daddy?
![]("https://www.desipio.com/images/fredbird.jpg"/)
Fredbird gets around.
"Mabry has huge hole down there."
It was normal sized until Edmonds got at it.
Ron is going on about how funny Kathy and Judy are.
Nooooooooooooooooooooo!
Just wondering if the fuckblock works in the name field.
a fuckblock? Sounds like the Bears’ O-line.
Fuck. Shit. Ass. Cocksucker. Bitch. Chip. Collie. Colliefucker.
Yeah, I led the league in those in ’85.
A perfect inning?
From me?
Really?
Huh.
You know…if Wendell Kim married Turk Wendell, he’d be Wendell Wendell.
Hey, me haters: fuck all of you.
Turk Kim. Why would Wendell be the bitch in that relationship?
Hey, Dolan. Fook you for not letting me say fuck on your shitty board.
Matt? Channel that anger towards the hated satanic fowl.
Can I say cunt?
I think Test should show up as ****.
I kid because I care. Meow.
Looks like Edmonds is MY bitch.
And those gold gloves are well-earned!
Just to shut everyone up, I took two balls. Now I will go ahead and strike out. Fuck all of you.
I am a gladiator, buddy. Unless I sneeze, buddy.
The little batter they have looks just like So Taguchi.
Does that mean Lance Berkman has a gut when he’s up?
So Cedeno gets wrung up for the K in that at bat…If Taguchi had gotten a home run, would Cedeno have gotten credit for it?
Who pissed on my glove?
Sorry. My hands were still a little damp from my between innings pee break.
Walking me wouldn’t be a bad idea here. Just a thought.
Yeah, you want me in at 110+ pitches against Rolen.
I just hit a 3 run bases loaded double.
Sorry I never did that last year.
Hey, Rolen! FUCK you!
Hey Matt, come join us in the examination room. Thanks, Dusty!
Er…that’s Oakland 5, Cincy 1 after 1.
And after this game I am not talking to anyone. OK? Alright? I can’t hear you.
Does Roger Cedeno win some kind of award for "most ridiculous freak out" of 2004? He’s terrible, he wouldn’t know a strike if it hit him in the nuts and he goes postal on the ump. The ump tells him to get back in the box, so he does, then he tosses his bat away, gets thrown out of the game says in all of Fox Sports Net’s close-uped beauty, "You’re a ****ing piece of ****" about nine times, spits all over the ump and then leaves. And when he does, LaRussa goes out to the ump and says, "Roger’s an ass. Don’t mind him."
Did anybody else notice Chip yelled, "He’s gone!" when Rolen grounded out. I’m queasy just thinking about it.
Don’t most managers bring in their closers in save situations or in tie games?
Oh, right, Latroy’s not the closer?
Hey Chip, stop stealing my line!
I only threw 114 pitches and it was 90 degrees out. If you can’t get loose and stay loose on a night like tonight, you’re a pansy.
By the way, I hope Moises, Big Z, E-ramis and I can all fit into that big car that we’ll be taking to the All-Star Game!
Cockfighting.
I am not copyrighted. Anyone can use me.
I dear someone else to say me.
Chip steals me whenever he’s with Biggio….
Hi, we’re real annoying, especially when you’re trying to listen to music while computing.
…when you type FUCK!
douchebag, motherfucker, cocksucker, bullshit?
Barrett better not come out to the mound to talk to me. I will not talk to anyone. I’ll knock the piss out of him. Which may cause problems if Moises comes running in from left field.
Please let cunt slip through!
It didn’t slip through!
OK, kids. Recess is over. Stop playing with the fuckblock and pull out your science textbooks.
Children!
I am OK. Strange.
Really, I think anything they get away with on The Shield (now airing on FX) should be OK.
La Troy just looks so much better on the mound in any late situation. Sorry Joe.
…do you expect me to type? I don’t know how to act when the Cubs are winning.
Thanks Chip for jinxing any chace for a DP!
I smell better in any situation too.
LaTroy? Are you saying I smell like $hit?
I am the new Todd Wellemeyer.
but not fuck here?
Am I 95 years old?
No Joe, you smell like dirty pu$$y.
Glad I could contribute to tonite’s victory.
Hey can one of you guys loan me one of your hits from tonite so I can have my magic 1000?
In re. #155:
As I understand it, Taguchi would have gotten the home run had he hit one. I don’t recall exactly how it works, but I think things that benefit the old batting avg. go to the new player and things that don’t go to the ejected player. Or something. Don’t quote me–I don’t know what an apostrophe looks like, after all.
Is this website made for non-Cub fans or for Cub fans who like to criticize the players because they feel they can do oh-so MUCH BETTER than them if they had a bat in their hands???
It’s for everyone. Even dumbasses like you that apparently are content with whatever your chosen team is doing at any given time. Those of us that have passion about our teams, criticize the dumb things they do.
Thanks, Steve. And ironically enough, I was the one that also pointed out your apostrophe/asterisk error.
That would be me, the a-hole calling the home runs during the White Sux game.
That would be me, the a-hole sitting behind the visitor’s dugout during the 7th inning stretch.
Where’s the dose?