Sometimes I feel like all I’ve been doing on here lately is ripping on people. I hope that’s not the case because in general I’m a very positive person. I like puppies and kittens and other sensitive crap. The Cubs are playing well and getting better all the time. So this is a good thing. So why is it that when I woke up this morning, all I wanted to do was to take my clock radio and set it on fire, then stuff it through the wall, then jump down onto the ground and smash it’s burning fuselage into a million pieces?
Mike Murphy.
In olden days of yore, Murphy had an early evening show on the Score. Because the Score didn’t have a 24 hour license they had to go off at sunset every night. Sometimes, Murphy would literally have a nine minute show. Even then we knew it was nine minutes too long.
The irritating part for me is that he’s the only Cubs fan on the station, and always has been. I’m not sure what motivates Sox fans to get into radio–I can only assume it has something to do with all of them being too ugly to go on TV and the fact that radio stations are fun places for their parole officers to hang out–but on both all-sports radio stations in town there’s really only one Cubs fan.
It’s not that I think it’s bad that there’s only one Cubs fan doing sports talk radio. It’s the fact of who that Cubs fan is. It’s almost like the Score management said, “We need a Cubs fan, but we need to find the most untalented, irritating, thin-skinned dumbass we can find. What about the loser who used to play the trumpet in the bleachers at Wrigley? He’s probably homeless, he could use a job!”
Murphy doesn’t have much going for him, radio-wise. His main talent is his ability to hang up on callers and then say, “Let the record show…he hung up on us.” His voice is an indescribable combination of a tornado alert siren and Judy Garland.
So why do I have my radio set to WSCR every morning? Isn’t it obvious? Who could oversleep with that crap being shouted at them at six o’clock in the morning?
What was his argument that set me off this morning? It was a doozy.
Last night, in the sixth inning of the game, the Cubs had the bases loaded and two out and Moises Alou was up. Chip Caray was blathering on about two-out magic, Steve Stone was going into his nightly diatribe against the Astros for opening the roof at Country Tyme Field (or whatever the hell it is), and Tim Redding had a 3-1 count on Alou.
The 3-1 pitch was a ball, but it managed to hit Alou’s bat as he tried to pull it back. The home plate umpire Darren Spagnardi (who?) thought the ball hit Alou. He came out from behind the catcher with his hands held up. Alou thought he was just signalling the foul ball, so he just stood there. The baserunners and the TV audience saw Spagnardi point to first and we knew that he thought the ball hit Moises. Greggie was on third and he came trotting home to tie the game. Alou stuck a hand up and told Maddux to go back to third. By now, it’s obvious to everybody (including Spagnardi) that the ball didn’t really hit Alou. He’s busted. He doesn’t even know it, but he’s busted. Maddux tells him that the ball hit him, so Alou drops his bat and trots to first. Jimy Williams is awakened from his nap and saunters out to talk to Spagnardi. At this point, the only guy in the world who still thinks Alou is going to get to stay at first is apparently Mike Murphy. Alou gives Jeff Bagwell a big grin as he reaches first and the umpires are huddled up. After about six seconds of deliberations, they send Alou back to home and adjust the count to 3-2. On the next pitch, he flies out to end the inning.
The Cubs, as you know, scored two in the seventh and two in the eighth and won 4-1. They’ve won five in a row and three in a row over Houston, who no matter what anybody tells you on Baseball Tonight, is the only NL Central team the Cubs need to worry about. Things are great. The Cubs haven’t played better all year than they are right now. They’re hitting, they’re pitching, they’re playing good defense. What’s not to like?
So this morning, Murphy goes off on Alou relentlessly. He says Alou was a moran for not pretending to get hit. “He cost the Cubs a run! What if they had lost 1-0!?!” He said that Alou is obviously so honest that if he makes a diving catch and he knows he trapped it, he’ll run over to the ump and tell him. Just think about how weak this whole argument is. Think about how absurd it is? Now yell it out loud for ten minutes straight and see how long it takes before one of your co-workers to come by and hit you with a shovel.
For those of us who saw it, it was obvious that had Alou realized the ump thought the ball hit him, he’d have trotted down to first without argument. It wasn’t like he said, “No it didn’t hit me! I cannot tell a lie! Oh, and by the way, I was in the lobby on Monday night and I ate Jimmy Anderson’s pizza!” No, that didn’t happen.
What did Murphy want Alou to do once he realized that they thought the ball hit him? What’s he supposed to do, grab his arm like Al Czervik and yell, “Ouch my arm! I think it’s broken!”
One of my favorite rips on this site ever was when one intrepid reader put another one down by saying, “Yeah, well you probably think Spike O’Dell is funny.” One more day like this from Murphy, and I’m going to get rousted out of bed by that very Hillbilly Jay Leno. Guh.
—
Tiger Woods is 25 years old, right? He’s the best golfer in the world. He’s got a superhot Swedish supermodel/nanny wife. He’s got more money than most of South America combined. But he’s still a dork. I wouldn’t mind trading places with his dorkiness, but he’s a dork nonetheless.
He drives a Buick. Nobody under 50 should ever drive a Buick.
His head is so round he has to wear a hat or he’s in danger of having somebody try and tee his melon up and take a whack at it.
But look at what he’s wearing today. This, takes the cake.
So the Nike guy comes by with all of the free clothes Tiger gets and Tiger picks out the Herb Tarlek ensemble with the white hat, white pants and white shoes, and then the baby blue golf shirt? All that’s missing is his white belt. Come on Tiger, that’s just too…Jesper Parnevik.
Parnevik is of course the former employer of Mrs. Woods. Maybe Tiger lost a bet?
Jerry Seinfeld once said of Bill Gates, “The man has four billion dollars. It’s obvious that he thinks a good haircut costs $4.1 billion.”
—
Greggie won his 295th game last night. Not of the season, of his career.
Gee, here’s a shock, the Cubs offense is better with Sammy Sosa in it. Who knew?
Larry Rothschild is going to have a chat with Carlos about his tantrum. Big whup.
Groucho on what’s ahead for the Pistons and Lakers.
KC Johnson says it’s unlikely that even if Jay Williams comes back that he’ll play for the Bulls.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to pretend he was at the US Open yesterday. Funny. He was on Around the Horn from the Sun-Times newsroom at four. Hmm? I know because I turn it on and if he’s NOT on the show, I watch it. I had to turn if off. So I know he was on.
Mike Kiley is all over Kerry Wood’s new wieners.
Mike Murphy of course will applaud the Twins for their win last night.
Jurors in the Kobe Bryant rape trial will get to submit their own questions. Gee, how many of them will be, “Can I have your autograph?”
The Yankees are after Freddy Garcia.
I thought Curt Schilling was on the DL? He pitched like it last night.
Could Rudy T be the new Lakers coach?
That whore flushed my dentures!
I’m leaving the next one for Karry.
Hello again, everybody. It’s your old pal, Karry Ling! The NY Post is reporting today that an art exhibit of photos of celebrities trash had to pull a photo of Larry King’s garbage because it included a box of adult undergarments…Depends! Hello! You know what I always say, gang, it’s always fun to Pamper your spouse! Back to you…
America’s finest news source on the so-called Goldman Task Force.
"–but on both all-sports radio stations in town there’s really only one Cubs fan."
What about me?
Oh wait, I just perpetuate the lazy, hackneyed stereotype of Cub fans only going to Wrigley to have a good time. Even though it’s an untrue stereotype, it’s how I make my living. Ain’t it grand? With "fans" like me, who needs Sox fans to put Cub fans down?
I’m available to take Murphys job in the mornings
What, no bump up to "Sucks" even though I tied the game with an RBI double last night?
"They’ve won five in a row and three in a row over Houston, who no matter what anybody tells you on Baseball Tonight, is the only NL Central team the Cubs need to worry about."
Andy, you’ve watched Houston’s last three games, right? Do you still believe the Cubs have to worry about the Astros? They blow!
Now, I know you don’t care for our ball club, but since we’re currently in first, don’t you have to worry about us just a little bit?
To think I gave up a job writing "Sportsphone" Quickie Quizes to play second plantain to Murph.
![]("http://www.670thescore.com/graphics/pic_fred_huebner.jpg"/)
We have traded Richard Hidalgo and his horse to the Mets for David Weathers
This makes more room for Jason Lane and less room for Dan Miceli and Octavio Dotel, who you guys have enjoyed lighting up.
http://cbs.sportsline.com/mlb/story/7428610
I only fear the Cardinals if Kerry Wood comes back and keeps Angel Guzman out of the late season rotation.
I’m looking forward to that Cardinals pitching staff post All-Star Break. By then. Matt Morris’ fastball won’t even be able to get a speeding ticket on I-70.
We never said we were going to run away with the division, we just said that if you are going to fear the Astros, keep an eye on us.
But Andy, I think I redeemed myself with an indepth look at the North side/South side Subway sandwich contest. See? Miss a little, miss a lot.
Maybe I’ll blow for Houston as bad as I blew for the Cubs in 2001.
At least the Cubs only dealt Ruben Lardass Quevedo to get me.
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
Fear isn’t even a backup catcher in low-A ball for the Cardinals.
The CBS article was unclear. Does Hidalgo get his release after 2005 or 2004 (i.e. when do they clear his salary)? And how does that affect the Mets pursuit of other trades?
And who would the Metsies be going after that the Cubs might want? And who do the Metsies now have that they might trade to the Cubs?
I reported it first on Fox Sports MidWest last night….
Jim Edmonds is a screamer.
I heard that.
BTW..Spike called me the other day to thank me, for his, you know, spike in ratings.
Ah, kill myself I do.
See, and this is a true story, but Murph usedta smoke weed in Carbondale with whomever was the general manager and the VP of the Score at the time of its inception. These men have since moved on, one of them to start a new "anything goes" FM station.
So why does he still show up in my radio in the morning?
IF death isn’t an option, I’ll take the Grandson over the Bugler.
I still think the best sportstalk show on Chicago radio is Kaplan and Waddle on WGN from 7-9 every weeknight. They’re a little cheesy (no more so than most others in town), but they have the best guests and connections in Chicago.
Of course, that could be like the "world’s tallest midget".
We suck very badly. You might remember us from when we played you and sucked very badly at playing baseball.
You guys want Todd Zeile back? Didn’t think so.
Murph,
I did catch the end of your sandwich segment, but you are on the line for a possible "Who You Crappin’?"
At the end, you said you would choose the Ozzie’s Northsider with ham and pepperoni. Murph, you ignorant slut, Ozzie is the manager of the White Sox on the southside of Chicago. Dusty Baker, Cubs manager, would be the namesake of the Northsider sandwich.
I’m sure Subway will be sending Jared over to your place right now, where he will beat you senseless with a party sub on honey oat bread.
Did anyone fear us last week?
Our only fear, relating to the Reds, was that Junior would come to a sudden halt. We’d find our collective heads suddenly burried up to our ears in large intestine.
Hey ESPN Producers,
I’m going for 500 homers, too. Where is the live coverage of my at bats with the Rays?
Chuck, I think the more important question may be does this deal free up enough money for the Astros to make any other moves this year? They trade Hidalgo’s 12MM, but they also give the Mets 4MM and receive another 4MM in salary with Weathers. This leaves them with 4MM they didn’t have plus whatever their ownership might have in reserve (not much, if reports are to be believed).
Because we’re racist phucks. We only cover baseball players from the pre-Jackie days. We didn’t cover Sosa because he’s Dominican. We don’t cover you because you’re black.
Junior gets coverage because he’s All-American White Bread!
Oh, wait…
Hey, Connecticut:
You think Planet Hooston (god, I loved General Zod) might be in line ot add another outfielder? Kinda curious move unless another move is immediately pending. They’ve got no better fill in. If it takes 3 weeks to make a trade, they could be 10 back by then.
You guys know the drill. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge.
Hidalgo is free, and 2 million richer, after the 2004 season.
Chuck,
most of the big name outfielders are out of Houston’s price range, I think. Maybe they’d go after Steve Finley. The other thing I was thinking about is, Pettite has been on and off the DL this year, and now Oswalt’s got some injury problems as well. Redding hasn’t been real consistent either. The team that was hailed as having the world’s best starting staff might have to go begging for another starter.
I feel sorry for the Cubs this year, they’re going to get very tired playing all those games in October.
The cash is an interesting part of this, because it’s hard to see how the Astros really save that much money. They already paid Hidalgo about $4 million to suck this year. They send the Mets $4 million, so they save the last $4 million on his deal. Weathers makes $4 million so he’s still owed about $2.5 or so which cuts into the Astros saving the $4 million.
The way Jimy’s been buring out the bullpen, this may have been their only way of getting a reliever and not having to pay for him.
If indeed it gets down to the Cubs and Cardinals the rest of the way, the Cubs are in for a stress free September.
I’ll eat my freaking hat if any of these guys are still useful (and/or ambulatory) long after the All-Star break:
Jeff Suppan
Woody Williams
Jason Marquis
Tony Womack
Ray Lankford
Steve Kline
Reggie Sanders
"buring"?
It’s my way of letting you choose between burning and burying.
Hey Andy, you forgot about me!
"Buring" refers to what Jimy’s underwear feels like it’s made out of.
Is there going to be Gamecast tonight? If so, I won’t be wearing pants.
Also, we should have a Desipio get-together at Wrigley one of these days. I promise to wear pants.
Oops sorry, I read the headline and just assumed that today’s Daily Dose was about me.
Funny…I thought they fired BC…
Just kidding BC.
We’re priced to move!!
Do I have to leave too?
No Cubs tickets available for you Desipio nerds.
I’ll eat my freaking hat if any of these guys are still useful (and/or ambulatory) long after the All-Star break:
Jeff Suppan
Woody Williams
Jason Marquis
Tony Womack
Ray Lankford
Steve Kline
Reggie Sanders
-Woody Williams and Ray Lankford haven’t been useful before the All-Star break, why would they be useful after it.
Unfortunately, I have had to watch much more of the Cardinals than I have wanted to this summer down here in East Central Illinois…
The difference between last year’s Cardinals and this year’s is that people are getting on base in front of Pujols, Edmonds, and Rolen. You can make all the jokes about them you want (By the way, Joe Buck said last night right after that line from Hrabosky mentioned in Post #13 this: "It must be scary to be a teammate of Jim Edmonds"), but these guys are going to drive in some runs if they have people on in front of them all the time.
That being said, the key to getting runners on in front of those guys is Womack. And depending on him to stay healthy for a whole season is not a great thing to be depending upon.
The starting pitching for St. Louis has improved. But the velocity of Morris, Williams, Marquis, and Kline have all gone down from last year or earlier this year. Plus, Ray King has had a career year in the bullpen so far. The pitching is getting by right now for St. Louis, but once it starts going downhill (And trust me, I’ve seen them enought I know it will) they are done contending for first place. Maybe a chance for second and the Wild Card, but not for first.
Did anybody else catch Chip making fun of his "unibrow" last night? It was pretty good. He mentioned how bushy they are and how "now there’s two of ’em".
>>We need a Cubs fan, but we need to find the most untalented, irritating, thin-skinned dumbass we can find.<< All Cub fans are untalented, irritating, thin-skinned dumbasses. Murph is just the pick of the litter. The rest are just wanna-be bitches.
I’m still worried about the Astros…if we win tonight’s game, is there a chance that Jimy Williams will get canned?
Counting on me to not get hurt, or to hit better than .240 seems a little optimistic.
I’d like to announce that the Astros have traded Jimy Williams to the Mets for Don Baylor.
Talk about equal value.
Blecch.
We’re pleased to announce we’ve fired Jimy Williams and hired then fired Don Baylor and assigned Bruce Kimm as manager.
A job well done we’d like to think.
We’d like to announce that the Manager, the General Manager, the Pitching Coach, the bat boy, and the guy that fills the water cooler have all been sacked.
We like to announce Jeff Kent’s pernstache is against out policy. Will be shaved off immediatly.
I’d like to announce that my first move as Astros manager will be to get Fred McGriff enough at bats so that he can hit 35 homeruns with yet another team.
I’m not leaving Tampa Bay…
B.C., is it easy to tap to Dolan’s music? Seems he is doing a good puppet job of having you parrot his comments about Cardinals pitching… But to say their pitching is improving? I think you are flying out on your own on this one and I gotta slap you down. Woody William’s deal with the devil expired and Darryl Kile is still dead the last I checked… I think their 2004 staff is a decided UNimprovement.
Lester, I’m sticking up for BC on this one.
The 2004 Cardinals staff is a huge improvement over last years staff.
The bullpen, which caused about 73 losses to the Reds alone last year, has been very solid. Deal with the devil or not, King, Kline and Tavarez have all pitched strong. I’m not saying that they are going to hold up for the whole year, but it’s a little bit better than having Cal Eldred set the ball up on a tee for one inning every night.
The starters haven’t been Prior-like, but they usually get them through 6 or 7 innings so they can turn it over to the bullpen. Woody’s done and Morris is nothing like he was in 2001, but Chris Carpenter has done quite well. Even middle of the road guys like Suppan and Marquis don’t get lit up every start and get enough offensive help to win some games.
The biggest factor in the Cards pitching improvement has been the fact that they have been healthy for the most part. Who knows if that will hold up?
Lester, I’m confused.
I still think the Cardinals pitching sucks.
That is all.
I never thought I’d say this … but I agree with BC.
Suppan, Carpenter, and Marquis are major-league pitchers. Not great ones, but they’re useful.
They are certainly an improvement over the Tomko, Garrett Stephenson, and Simontacchi trio of last year.
I just assumed that it was referring to this douchebag Van Arkel guy who writes for http://www.cubscentral.com.
Lester,
I’m still trying to make heads or tails of your post.
First, you rip B.C. for being a puppet for Andy.
Then, you rip B.C. for saying that the Cardinals pitching has improved, which is exactly the opposite of what Andy thinks.
That hardly seems like something a puppet would do.
Cheer up, B.C. When you get that cushy gig at The News-Gazette in a couple years you won’t have to deal with readers like Lester. All you’ll have to worry about is parents complaining that you don’t cover girls high school fencing enough or fans wanting to know 30 times a day if any basketball players have committed to the U of I.
Ah, but you will have to deal with me and my listing of every 250-pound tub from Glen Ellyn to Sandwich to Anna-Jonesboro who may or may not be signing with "The University Of.."
OK kid, give me 250-word "Whatever Happened To?" on Andy Kaufman and Efrem Winters…
-30-
Jimmy knows baseball. Jimmy could use another pitcher. Jimmy might be relieving G-Dog in the 6th tonite and taking her home through the 9th again.
Jimmy prefers BBQ chicken pizza with onions this time.
Hey, remember when everybody was so pissed that I picked Duke over the Illini? I think I screwed them over worse than you.
Get ready to do a "Whatever happened to…" on me when I prove in two years that 160 pound point guards get their lunch handed to them in the NBA.
Mmm…lunch.
One thing, Andy: Can you have the pizza delivered to Houston Hobby or George HW Bush Int’l Airport? I don’t know which one of those two airports I’m flying out of tonight, so maybe send one to each airport so i can eat on the plane.