As usual the NBA Draft was simpler than all the experts made it out to be. The Bulls had made a trade on Wednesday to get the seventh pick in the first round to go with the third pick they had “earned†by being terrible in 2003-2004. In the end, they used both picks for themselves and they drafted guys we’d not only heard of, but guys we’d actually seen play. What a novel concept!
The newest Bulls are Connecticut guard Ben Gordon and Duke forward Luol Deng. You just wonder how many ways Johnny “Red†Kerr can mangle Luol.
Meanwhile, the Cubs decided it was time go get shut out again! And then they found out that there’s a new stud outfielder in the NL Central. And no, it’s not Tike Redman.
We’ll get to the Cubs in a minute. But if you’re freaking out about losing two games in St. Louis, just come in off the ledge. Things are fine. Really.
The NBA Draft had it all last night. There really is no other form of entertainment quite like it. Consider, you’ve got pituitary freaks wearing ridiculously expensive suits of horrendous design and color, and then, they cap it off with a $20 baseball cap. Nice. The entourages are always fun to watch. They normally involve several shrieking, obese women, grown men wearing sunglasses–indoors and for no reason, and one guy who decided not to wear a suit, but instead is going with the Bob McAdoo Buffalo Braves throwback and some Lakers button up warmup pants.
ESPN does its best to water down the proceedings even more. Mike Tirico does a fine job of running the broadcast and Jay Bilas is a keeper as the lead analyst. Bilas seems to enjoy ripping teams and players, and that’s always fun. Stephen A. Smith is just there to yell, and last night to yell and then YELL EVEN LOUDER ABOUT WHY NOBODY WAS DRAFTING JAMEER NELSON! Tom Tolbert ran out of funny stuff about 20 months ago.
They put David Aldridge in a cherry picker and hung him over the proceedings at a freakish height. I honestly thought he was going to do some sort of David Blaine stunt like cram himself in Shaq’s foot locker and not come out until somebody drafted Jerrence Howard.
Mark Jones got to interview the first member of every “posse” that he could get his hands on. Some of the guests included Dwight Howard’s strangely attractive mother, Rafael Araujo’s strangely unattractive wife and Clyde the Madison Square Garden janitor who took an unseemly liking to Delonte West.
But the guy who killed the event, as usual was Stu Scott. How Stu got a job is amazing, but how he keeps it is unconscionable. The suits at ESPN just think he’s the edgiest, hippest, coolest guy, when in fact he’s one Buick away from being dorkier than Fred Funk’s brown golf pants. The amazing thing about Stu is that he got to interview every first round pick who attended the draft, and every single time the interview was about Stu. How is this possible?
Stu’s got one skill (well, two, if you count looking in two directions at once as a skill) and it’s this. For example, let’s pretend that next year Deron Williams gets drafted in the first round and Stu interviews him. Here’s how it will go.
Stu: I’m here with my man Deron Williams, the killa guard out of the U, the I, the Illini! Baller, you just got paid by the Orlando Magic! Are you feelin’ as good as me right now? What do you think, are you feelin’ as good as me, RIGHT NOW?!?
Deron: Uh, I don’t know Stu? How good are you feeling?
Stu: I’m as cool as other side of the pillow! I’m gonna call Sha Nay Nay and tell her to give me the hook up!
What does that mean? Do you think I’m exaggerating? Did you see him interview Josh Childress and spend the entire interview taking about Josh’s afro and how Stu wasn’t going to let him let it get all ratty? I’m not making any of that up.
If you look up journalistic abomination in your Webster’s you get a wandering eye photo of Stu. Yikes.
Just how funny would it have been if ESPN had pulled back to a wide shot of Mark Jones interviewing a draftee’s family member only to reveal that Bob Davie was holding his mic cord?
Maybe that would have been funny only to me. I’m not sure. But yes, I would have enjoyed it.
Give ESPN credit for this. They knew precisely when to go to the live video feed from Dick Vitale’s palacial Boca Raton spread. Any time a college star got drafted they went to Dick and he fawned over the guy like he was genuflecting before the Pope. Any time a high school kid got drafted they went to Dick and he threw a tantrum of such epic proportions that even Billy Packer would have been offended by it.
The two best moments of Dick’s rants came when a) he predictably gushed over the Bulls’ draft haul of Gordon and Dookie V faves Deng and Chris Duhon, and b) he was asked by Jay Bilas if he ever liked a high school kid or foreign draftee and Dick said, “Yeah! LeBron James!” Way to go Dick, you liked the greatest high school draft pick…ever. Way to go out on that limb.
As for the Bulls drafting Duhon, I can’t wait to see how he adjusts from the warm Tobacco Road hug he and his overplayed rib “injury” got, to life with Scott Skiles. Muahahahahahahahaha.
I could go on, but since we covered it all live last night, take a moment to relive the glory.
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The Cubs got shut out in St. Louis last night because…well, it had been nearly a month since they last got shut out, and for a good team, they sure seem to enjoy that.
The highlights of the game included Sammy Sosa getting lost between second and third on what should have been a double for Corey Patterson and then Wavin’ Wendell sending Sammy to his doom at home plate. There are no winners here.
Wendell defended his adventurous wavin’ of Sammy home on Tuesday by saying, “If Edmonds had been out there, I wouldn’t have done it.” Well, Wendell, Lassie was out there last night, and you still sent him. Nice work.
The Cardinals got all four runs in the fourth and wouldn’t have gotten any had Rey Ordonez not lost the grip on a double play grounder. Oops! At the plate, Rey was 0-2 and left five men on base. The good news was that his batting average only dropped .008 points. It’s hard to go down much when you’re already under .100. After the game, Rey was seen crying in the Cubs’ clubhouse. Several of his teammates were on hand to console him, and to pack his belongings and call him a cab to a separate airport.
There was great news and not so great news during the broadcast. One of our intrepid readers posted what he alleged were excerpts from an internal Chicago Tribune e-mail that detailed some of the comments the Cubs will have when they announce that Chip Caray’s contract will not be renewed for 2005.
“….the opportunity to take our baseball telecasts in a new direction is compelling…”
“….many have contributed to the overwhelming success of our broadcast group in recent years….”
“….we look forward to a nationwide search….”
It could be true. It could be a fake. I’m clinging to true.
Think about it. If the Cubs were going to announce that Chip was not coming back, now would be the perfect time. He’s off until Tuesday night when Houston comes to town, so the Cubs could announce it today and Chip can hide out for five days until he has to come to work again.
As we learned in journalism school (yes, I actually went) any good PR person will announce bad news on a Friday afternoon. The Friday night and Saturday newscasts are the least watched and the Saturday newspaper has the lowest circulation (unless you’re just making up the numbers and then who knows?) So, today would be a good time.
Then, we got the not-so-great news. But it’s not as bad as many might fear. The Astros traded Octavio Dotel to the A’s and minor league catcher John Buck to Kansas City in a deal that sends two A’s farm hands Mike Wood and Mark Teahen to KC and Carlos Beltran to the Astros. Beltran’s obviously a good outfielder and will help an already good Astros lineup. The trade moves The Beege to left field where his horrific range and popgun arm are still bad, but not as bad and Fat Lance to right field where he’ll have even longer throws to lollipop back to the infield.
But does anybody really think the Astros problem was their offense? Beltran’s a slightly above average defensive center fielder (good speed, mediocre arm) so that helps the defense because The Beege was hysterically bad, but the Astros problems are more bullpen related than offensive. So they traded Octavio Dotel? How does that help? Brad Lidge is a stud, but where in years past you had Lidge then Dotel then Wagner, now you have what? David Weathers, Dan Miceli and Lidge? Big whup.
The biggest move the Astros could have made would have been to have fired Jimy Williams. Now that seems unlikely. That’s good news. Even with Beltran, Williams can find a way to screw this up.
Despite the choke job on Wednesday and the somnambulic effort last night, the Cubs are the class of the NL Central and the long months ahead will prove that. So really, this move gives the Astros a chance to catch the Cardinals for second and a possible wild card berth into the playoffs. Personally, I hate both teams. So I could give a rat’s ass.
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The Cubs and Sox face off today in a series that means way too much to Sox fans. I know. I was there last year. You’ll remember I got attacked by an Albino. Though he was a Cubs’ fan, it was the strange, manic atmosphere in US Cellular that I still remember. It was creepy. There are White Sox fans. My friend Wheels is one. He’s just like you or I except he picked the wrong team. He wants the Sox to win and the Cubs to lose, but if the Cubs don’t lose it doesn’t ruin his day. But there are hoardes of Sox fans who honestly would rather watch the Cubs lose than see the Sox win. Those people are out en masse for Cubs-Sox games at US Cellular and those are the ones who start the fistfights.
The best fistfight we saw last year was between a fat woman in a Konerko jersy (go figure) and a skinny female Cubs fan. The skinny girl gave better than she got. It’s not that you’re scared to be there. In fact, much of it is very entertaining. It just seems a little ridiculous.
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Rey kicked one and we may have seen the last of him. Boo hoo, indeed.
Steve Kline didn’t think what he did was all that offensive. Nah, he just flipped off his boss. Heck, I’m sure you do it every day. But then, Kline’s a jagoff and has always been one. The most disturbing part of this is that The Genius actually went into the shower to yell at him. Have we noticed how many stories come out concerning the Cardinals’ shower? Heck, last year we had the one about a naked Jim Edmonds carrying Edgar Renteria’s naked body out of the shower. What the hell is it, a clubhouse or a bathouse?
Phil Rogers misses the point as two why the Beltran deal comes at a bad time for the Cubs. He’s a good player, but he won’t make the Astros better over the long haul than the Cubs are. But in the immediate future it means the Cardinals get to play their six games with the Royals without Beltran and the Cubs play three next week with Houston and Beltran. It’s a good move for Houston, but considering the hit their bullpen takes, it’s not one to get too panicked over.
Rick Morrissey remains mildly talented.
KC and the Sunshine Band on the Bulls draft.
Jamal Crawford’s not letting another first round point guard pick bother him. Heck, it’s only four in five years.
Groucho says the winning will come…eventually,maybe.
Groucho breaks down the first round.
John Jackson on the stupid in-game FSN interviews and a strange idea of how to improve the Sox broadcast team. I’m not going to lie. If the Cubs ever did it, I’d be first in line.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to prove for the 1,234,567th time that he just doesn’t get it. Ever. He says the Bulls should have traded Tyson Chandler and the seventh pick for Al Harrington, but the Bulls offered Eddie Robinson instead. That’s because Robinson and Harrington’s contracts matchup, while Chandler doesn’t make enough to be dealt straight up for Al. But why would Jay let the facts get in the way?
Jon Garland can’t get too fired up about facing the Cubs. Look out Jon, your “fans” will start throwing stuff at you.
Tuft McGraw says Jamal is staying.
The Wizard of Roz with some e-mails from Cubs and Sox fans.
Jayson Stark says the Royals did pretty well.
Buster Olney wonders who might get traded next.
John Donovan says all three teams did well. I think Oakland, epecially with the $1 million from KC did the best. What’d they give up to get Dotel? A third baseman they don’t need and a pitching prospect?
Dick Cheney’s got a mouth on him, don’t he?
Monica feels “destroyed” by Bubba’s new book. Boo freakin’ hoo, Kneepad.
Do they give out Stepfather of the Year awards? This guy’s a winner.
I hate hackers.
Say goodbye to Jack Ryan. What a shock.
America’s finest news source is down right now. Oh, well.
When am I coming back? I can’t believe I miss me!
Hey, I’m hosting the Jim Rome show today! Tune in!
…why are Gutierrez and that catcher Lunar or something who is hitting over .300 still rotting at AAA?
Because I’ve only played 2 Triple A games hence my .375 average.
Nice to know you, uh, miss yourself Alex. Skip, I hope you get run over by a bus on the way to the studio. Andy, I had the same reaction to the Beltran trade, all I could think was now Houston has one good bullpen pitcher and with Jimy Williams as his manager, he’s going to appear is 153 games this year.
Is the bathouse anything like the batcave?
I’ve got plenty of tricks up my sleeve, youngins. I got David Weathers, I got Dan Miceli, I got Beege covering left, and Fat Lance in right. I wonder how Beltran will do with the CF hill. But the real question is, when is that All-Star Adam Everett coming back? According to Chippy, his absense is huge.
Andy, everybody knows you spell bathhouse with two h’s.
Is absense anything like batsense?
Leave it to Jimy Williams:
Manager Jimy Williams plans to hit Carlos Beltran in the middle of the order.
Several players said they expect Beltran will hit third. Leave it to Jimy. He just acquired the best No. 2 hitter in baseball, but he’ll probably stick with Adam Everett and his .318 on-base percentage in front of Carlos (and will probably keep asking Everett to sacrifice bunt). Those who are saying Beltran’s value gets a boost from Minute Maid Park and the hitters around him in the Astros’ lineup are forgetting that his stolen base totals are about to decline
Too bad the next Astros series is in Wrigley, cuz I’d love to keep chasing Beltran to Beege Hill with all my doubles.
Wanted to give you guys an update
AB:191 HR: 13 AVG: .262 RBI: 32 SB: 1
Hows the trade looking now?
You are overlooking the most important aspect of the Beltran trade: "Black guys, help the white guys."
The all-whitey lineup is no more for the moonshinin’ backstabbin’ Astros.
Oh and their real problem, defense, gets a whole lot better.
Do we have any black guys now?
Not really, they traded me for Beltran, so it was non-whitey for non-whitey.
Where am I now?
My name is gonna be changed again to the Nursing Home.
Who wants to set the over/under on games played before Beltran blows out a knee or an ankle on Beege Hump?
Beltran’s not white? I just thought he was tan!
Who’s this Carlos Beltran feller? Go Roger!
I once blew out a knee during the Beege Hump!
I’m sure glad I don’t have to climb that hill on a regular basis.
ok since we’re making Astros jokes..I thought I’d share a comment the girlfriend made about Adam Everett "I hate that guy, he looks like a mouse"
I’m still sad about yesterday’s loss. Console me!
I’ll cornhole you Rey!! What’s that? Oh, console….
as unfortunate it is I think you are still on the roster along with Gabor.
The Bulls made a great pickup with Deng, who seemed a little tentative at times last year. He may not be the most athletic person, but he is smooth and comes out of nowhere on defense to get steals and blocks. And Duhon should make the team, at the Chicago camp he was the fastest player and he had a 36" vertical and he is an unselfish point guard defensive minded point guard who Skiles should love. Duhon shut down both Rashad McCants and Julius Hodge last year.
As B.C.’s biggest fan, I’d like to point out that my guy picked the Cubs to win Game 1 and lose Games 2 and 3 of the Cardinal series.
B.C. will eat no crow this time, Nasty America!
Now climb into the hot tub with me, B.C., I’ve got a surprise for you.
Why is it every day you write something completely ignorant and try to find a way to make the Chicago Cubs look like a real Major League Baseball team. They are not a good team and will never catch the 1st place Cards, but I am sure you will find some way to justify that as you always do. Keep up the good work by making up fake stories and wishing that one day the Cubs will actually play on a major league level…like the Cardinals. Your article sucks!
The Cardinals kinda missed playing in that big major league level playoffs thing last year. By the way, anything south of Joliet hardly counts as Illinois.
If Dick Vitale is the huge Emeka Okafor fan that he claims to be, why can’t he pronounce his name right?
It’s pronounced Oak-uh-for, not Oak-err-fur.
By the way, I’m also a Cardinal fan in Illinois, but I don’t agree with all the thoughts expressed by reader #29. I am now expecting to see the guy get an Alex Kaseberg style thrashing.
CFI: wow, what a well thought out analysis. The Cubs aren’t a real Major League baseball team, despite winning the division you finished third in last year. Cubs fans must be stupid and delusional to think that we can beat a team that trots out the likes of Jeff Suppan and Jason Marquis every 5th day.
As #29 can attest, the only difference between a Cardinals fan & a Sux fan is that the Cardinals fan lusts for his mother, while the Sux fan makes love to his niece.
somnambulic?
All Those who went diving for their dictionaries, raise your hand.
Somebody do some research and find out who is sponsoring the cash prize for the team that completely obliterates the Season Record for baserunners thrown out at home, apparently the cubs have some inside information. WGN should run a disclaimer that watching the cubs run the bases is hazardous to your health.
Here’s what I disagree with, from my Cardinal brother (and oh how I want him soooooo bad. MMMMMM).
There is not something completely ignorant written by Andy everyday.
After all, he doesn’t post on weekends.
Having Wendall Kim coach 3rd base is hazardous to your health.
I laughed out loud at #35.
Who’s Kathy Bates?
Me
or me?
or me?
Number 39, what does any of that mean?
Thank you for finally posting on this website after we have all admired your photo for so long.
(Cue the ‘moran’ pic)
Assmonkey.
Me, Bako and NotMags Ordonez have pictures of Baker and Edmonds naked.
#39 should read, "…which one is on the DL…" though I don’t know if it makes it any funnier.
Maybe it should have read "Separated at birth"? What, you don’t see the family resemblance? Moran…
Where’s the gamecast?
Grud
Lee
Alou
Sosa
Ramirez
Hollandswoth (DH)
Barrett
Corey (8th)
Ramon
Rowand
Uribe
Thomas
Lee
Valentin
Konerko
Ross Choad
Crede
Olivo
Here’s #29:
What in the world?
I make a good prediction and then get saddled with an overrated, overweight and elderly actress being a fan. Just terrible luck for me I guess. Thanks for the props but I’m going to take a long shower now. Yikes.
#30, Springfield is south of Joliet. Considering it’s the capital of the state of Illinois, I think it counts.
However, if we are going to geography-bash I happen to think anything south of the southern border of Crawford County (Go look it up on a state map and then come back) should just be known as Northwest Kentucky.
That’s all for now…
Congrats BC!
Who the phuck are they?
Can anyone help?
is it ‘whup’, or ‘whoop’, or even possibly ‘woop’… As in, big?
How bad is the new Grizzlies logo?
Man.
And I thought the Mavs’ logo was ordinary…